JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 4/30/18

Great news everyone, we’ve made it to May, which is the month of ME so feel free to lavish me with compliments and gifts every single day for the next 31 days. Because as we all know, females don’t have a birth DAY, they have a birth MONTH and if you don’t acknowledge that you’re a garbage can human.

1. *NSYNC Mini Reunion.

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As we are all very aware, the last day of April brings the godforsaken Justin Timberlake It’s Gonna be May meme that floods the internet and everything thinks they’re original by posting it (kinda like the Miss Congeniality perfect date or Mean Girls October 3rd schtick) and unfortunately *NSYNC played RIGHT INTO IT by planning their Hollywood star ceremony for the same day. I’m going to politely ignore that part and focus on the fun stuff, like the fact that Justin is still clearly the number 1 bae of *NSYNC and you can tell they’re all over it, real hard. Or the fact that JC thought he could roll up looking like a dad whose trying to be trendy with surfer hair and RED BOOTS. JC. Come on. Even Chris and Joey look better than you because at least they embraced their oldness–Joey is literally wearing dad sneaks with his getup. Let it happen, bruh. No need to be tossing on red booties with your suit! Below are some of the speeches and a fairly boring game of Never Have I Ever where they basically lie and say they didn’t do anything when WE ALL KNOW that being a boy band superstar in your teens/early twenties meant that you certainly did a lot of bang, bang, bangity, banging. For now, feel free to place your bets on which spice girl JT smooched. My guess is Baby. NOW CAN WE PLEASE GET A REUNION SONG AND CORRELATING MUSIC VIDEO?! I’M BEGGING YOU.

2. XxXtina. 

Did anyone miss Xtina? Well she’s been on a casual 6 year hiatus from music. Her most recent claim to fame was a Whitney tribute at one of the award shows where everyone questioned what was going on with her face. Can confirm her face still looks weird but wouldn’t you know, everyone’s face looks weird when they’re lapping milk from a glass and trying to be sexy in a music video with MAD closeups on her mouth/tongue. This is her latest beat that is preeetttyy hard on the ears but she’s clearly going for the street cred by having two rappers featured on it that I assume are popular with the youths these days. To be completely honest I couldn’t even finish watching this music video. Once someone looks right into your soul and licks a glass of 2% then lets it drip down their chin, I have to just call it quits and never look back. Mazel to Xtina for giving me all of the uncomfies this week! PS do you think this song is about sex? LMK.

3. Miranda’s A Little Sleazy.

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I think it’s time to address the elephant in the room that is Miranda Lambert’s love for infidelity. I wanted to ignore the rumors when her and Blake split because I’ve always been a fan of Miranda’s music and that she’s a total boss babe who wins all the awards and is better then most of the boys in country. I turned my ears off whenever anyone talked about her cheating and I hated Blake and Gwen on principle because they were flaunting their relationship too hard and I don’t appreciate an attention grabber post-divorce. I was firmly Team Miranda. Except now her music isn’t that great anymore, she’s kind of a stuck up bitch at awards shows and in the past two weeks she’s been outed HARD for being a cheatin skank. Her latest fling is with someone she toured with who is married and basically stayed out on tour with Miranda without telling his wife when he would be coming back and when he did return it was with some divorce papers. YIKES CITY. Obviously both parties are at fault here since both Miranda and Evan were in relationships when they began to “write music together.” Either way, NOT A GOOD LOOK. Blake had the below snarky tweet and Evan’s soon to be ex wife has been using Instagram story to talk shit and jam out to Before He Cheats. (Social media maturity at its finest)

So accept this as my official declaration that I am no longer #TeamMiranda and maybe she should take a little sabbatical from banging strange whilst otherwise in a relationship. Let the records also show that this does not make me Team Gwen/Blake. Because I still think those two are obnoxious. WE GET IT….OPPOSITES ATTRACT AND YOU LOVE EACH OTHER. Do it privately.

4. ASHLEE SIMPSON SHOW REBOOT.

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Word on the streets of trash tv, Ashlee Simpson and Evan Ross will be getting their own reality show. As an avid viewer of BOTH The Ashlee Simpson Show and Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica, I couldn’t be happier for this comeback to reality TV. T’s & P’s that they don’t have the Newlyweds curse (still holding out for a Nick and Jessica reunion though, never give up hope.) Apparently the show will center around Ashlee and Evan taking on the music biz together, which I strongly advise against but should make for entertaining telly. Maybe that little nugget of theirs Jagger will make guest appearances and she proved to be the cutest during Diana Ross’s AMA tribute.

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5. Blake Pulls a Tay.

Blake Lively took a page out of her bestie Tay’s book for promoting and cleared out her instagram, unfollowed everyone all in the name of promoting a new movie. Everyone crapped their pants, specifically because she unfollowed that hunk of a husband Ryan Reynolds, which typically means things are heading south but CHILL EVERYONE SHE JUST WANTS TICKET SALES TO GO UP FOR HER THRILLER WITH ANNA KENDRICK. Looks super weird. Can’t say I support erasing so many beautiful pics that I’ve posted on here and drooled over just for a little movie marketing, but who am I to judge. Who am I kidding. I’m Judge Judy here. Get your old insta back, Blake.

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Red Carpet

CMA’s Red Carpet 2016

HEY YA’LL, let’s kick off 30 variations of country awards shows with “country” boys in tuxes that I want to lick and…wait what were we talking about? Oh right, ladies were at the CMA’s as well. I’m no Kaitlyn Bristowe cracking jokes and singing songs with the stars of the red carpet but I AM GOOD AT ONE THING and that’s passing fast judgements on fashion when I know nothing about it. Here are the winners and losers of Nashville last night.

WORST.

The 50th Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

Little Kidman on the Prairie. Can’t she look kewl for Keith like at ONE country awards show? I mean come on, your huz is a rockstar and you’re wearing a floor length dusty pink gown buttoned up to your eyebrows.

Kacey Musgraves

I’m not completely boo’ing Kacey here. It’s more of a soft boo from the back of the crowd. Her makeup and hair are FIERCE and then she turns into a giant cupcake. I even like the color and material of the dress but like maybe don’t cover Nashville with it?

Easton Corbin

Easton Corbin’s a cutie but I can’t help but see a cater-waiter at a holiday party with this jacket. Or like, guest star on Suite Life of Zack and Cody. Choose your own adventure.

The 50th Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

Horses fighting (or loving?) are covering Cassadee’s lady bits. Also never been a fan of the slicked hair. Kardashians can try to bring it back all they want but that’s what my hair looks like on Sunday night when I didn’t shower all day and that’s NOT photo-worthy.

The 50th Annual CMA Awards - ArrivalsPls submit your best guesses for what is on his shirt.

The 50th Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

Looks like she got lost in the forest and while running scared her dress got caught on tree branches and ripped. Forest run chic.

The 50th Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

Did everyone know that this is Rob Schneider’s daughter? Elle’s dad is Deuce Bigalow. Mind blown. Anyway, these pants are the worst.

Dustin Lynch

I mean, Dustin Lynch lands on my worst dressed every year for his embroidered suits.

Maren Morris

Why so mad, Maren? (Cause she didn’t make my best dressed.)

Cam

THE COLORS. THE STUDS. THE FRINGE. MY EYES.

The 50th Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

Sweet vagina flap, Jamie Lynn.

Wendi McLendon-Covey

An embroidered doily disaster.

Martina McBride

Did you ever see someone take a foil gum wrapper and tear pieces off from the wax paper then stick it to their five star during an especially boring 5th period science class? That’s what this dress looks like.

The 50th Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

Wooferoni.

The 50th Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

The hip flower is really throwing this off.

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WHAT IS THIS HAIR?! This can only be described as caught in the rain hair. Did Tay know she was coming to the CMA’s or did she just drop in on her way to Target? Dress is bomb though.

BEST

The 50th Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

I think like 90% of why I love this look is the mid-swish they captured Kelsea doing here. I love a good swish dress.

The 50th Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

I need to be alone with this photo.

The 50th Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

1. Jennifer Garner hasn’t aged one single day. 30 going on 13, amirite?! (That joke fell flat, I can already tell.) 2. Both ladies killed the classic and elegant red carpet look.

The 50th Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

Changin the game with the only crop this year! Kaitlyn looks like a babe and makes me feel like a real asshole for skipping the gym for two nights in a row because I’m cold.

Canaan Smith

Since Brett Eldredge decided to go to the Cubs game instead of the CMA’s (wut3v3r) this is what I imagine he would wear. So thank you, long haired Brett. (Canaan Smith)

The 50th Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

WHO are these new stud muffs on the scene? As my mom would say, their outfits are dope.

Jessie James Decker

JJD slays all day.

The 50th Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

Chase Rice went for the classic black tux. Never fails.

The 50th Annual CMA Awards - ArrivalsThe 50th Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

I think I’m more down with the right half of the property bros look than the left half. Suh Fall.

Carrie Underwood

Could use a little more leg but no other complaints here.

The 50th Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

Cole makes a baseball cap look suave with this leather lapel suit. (whispers: flip your hat backward.)

The 50th Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

I call this look princess ballerina.

The 50th Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

Not usually a fan of the basically black lip (except for my Halloween costume of 2015) but these outfits go together like Maddie & Tae. WINK.

Gabby Douglas

I said Gabby Douglas was so four years ago in my Halloween blog this week but she proves me wrong with this fun party number.

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Suck on it, Blake.

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I had a solo shot of Thomas Rhett to post but it didn’t feel right without his smokeshow of a wife, who literally all of his songs are about. Obviously they’re the most adorable.

I won’t be recapping the show because it’s 90% performances and I typically fall asleep during half of them (except for Luke, shout out to those thrusts though.) Instead I’ll leave you with the real MVP of the CMA’s. Unnamed sassy sax player. Beyonce who? Seriously I couldn’t focus on anyone but this whoutfit-clad, sparkly cowboy boot wearin, stank-steppin saxaphonist.

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The brightest star in the galaxy of Yeehaw’s.

The only thing that could steal his thunder was McConaughey un-ironically doing his Wolf of Wall Street chest pat.

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Ripped the spotlight right off that sax tootin’ angel without even trying that hard. May he rest in bedazzled cowboy peace.

And that’s all you need to know about the 50th CMA’s.

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Television

CMA Awards 2015 Recap

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Welcome to “Country music’s biggest night,” this month.

Cause nothing gets me ready for the impending 9 months of winter quite like watching performances of my favorite country songs about boozin’ in the summer. Looking past that fact though I think everyone in America can agree that we can divide last night’s awards show into two categories: BJT & AJT. Before JT and After JT. Also note to future country singers hoping to sweep the awards: bring your buddy Justin Timberlake. But more on that below…here are the hits and misses of the night’s bits, performances & audience reactions.

No, Thank You:

-Hey, I get that Star Wars is making a hot comeback this year but did we need to start shoving it down America’s throats like 5 months early? I’m out on Star Wars. So as you can imagine, the opening bit with Brad as Guitar Solo, Carrie as Carrie Fisher and Garth Vader turned Luke Vader didn’t do it for me.

-Obviously fresh on everyone’s brains (because we’re reminded of it every five minutes) is the Blake/Miranda divorce and it needed to be addressed. Unfortunately, Carrie & Brad started with “the breakup we can’t ignore” and then tossed it over to Miss Piggy and Kermit. I’m actually more fired up about the Muppets taking over than I am with Star Wars. Enough with the puppet publicity.

-Related to my last point but not a part of the show, Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani waited until right when the show was beginning to have their reps officially announce they’re a couple, making it red carpet fodder. DOUCHE move. Seriously, #TeamMiranda all the way.

-William Shatner got drunk (I assume) came onstage in a storm trooper costume and shat all over the joint.

shatner

-Zac Brown Band sang off key a whole lot.

-Brett Eldredge never performed and yet he has a brand new album…how does this add up CMA?! HOW?!

-Carrie performed “Smoke Break” looking like a smoke, obv.

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-Every year they throw pop acts into the mix and hope for musical magic and every year there’s duets that crash and burn.(Wink.) This year was Fallout Boy with Thomas Rhett. They did “Crash & Burn” first followed by “Uma Thurman” where essentially both of them held back their natural style of singing while red-lipped body suit ho’s gyrated around them. It was inspiring.

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– Luke Bryan performs a slow number without his backwards hat. WHY EVEN PERFORM? #DesertSandstormUndies

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-Miranda rocks the shit out of her performance of “Bathroom Sink” and ABC acts supes mature and doesn’t once give us a reaction shot from Blake. BOOOOO. I want to see the regret in his eyes.

-I was forced to eat all the nice words I gave Kacey for her red carpet look when she did too much outfit and special effects-wise for her performance. There were literal My Little Pony graphics parading in the background.

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Yes, Please:

-Carrie Underwood’s crack in the monologue about “some dude” calling women in country tomatoes and the camera pans to three men in the audience with stone cold expressions who probably hate women…and tomatoes.

-John Mellencamp & Keith Urban were the opening hair cr3w. John sported some fluffy locks and Keith had his usual mom going through a mid-life crisis haircut so putting the two of them together was top entertainment for me. Also they sang “Ain’t that America”, which always slays. MURICA. HOME OF THE HAIR.

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-Brad invented the phrase “Sam Hunting” to refer to the art of talking and transitioning to song. Thank GOD someone ribbed on him for this because it’s not okay. Talking mid-song sucks and Sam abuses the privilege just because he’s swoonworthy.

-JT got mad screen time right off the bat when Brad shouts it out to him then hopes for a performance of “that song about Christmas that he just can’t put his finger on.” I’ll put my finger on it. If it’s cool with Jessica, of course. But seriously, show Justin’s pretty face as much as possible.

-Little Big Town slayed Girl Crush as per usual (but please start performing another single, I’ve seen this one a lot) and blondie gave me silver skirt goals.

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-Eric Church channeled a sunglasses-wearin Beyonce and dropped a surprise album mid-show, which was much more exciting than either of his performances.

-Chris Stapleton owns the MF’ing night. Had quite literally no idea who this bearded fellow was before last night and suddenly he’s the stuff and also BFF’s with Justin. Just as long as he doesn’t try to take JFal’s place I’m cool with it. But seriously according to me and EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON at the awards show his collab with JT was the performance of the night. Tennessee Whiskey was first, followed by Drink You Away and they tore that shit wide open. There was a girl also singing with them but her name isn’t Justin Timberlake and therefore she remained in the shadows, literally I don’t think she had her own spotlight. (Re-watch full performance here.)

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-Follow up to the actual performance, which was bananaland good, the country stars in the audience could not even with JT and it made me feel so much better about sitting completely still on my couch grinning at the TV. Specific shout out to Keith Urban whose undies were probably more soaked then mine…he cheered & danced and screamed like a fangirl with an I ❤ JT poster all while filming the whole thing on his iPhone. One guy had actual tears. Most of the girls just drooled openly. It was amazing to see everyone lose their cool for JT and the Tennessee Kids duetting with the largest beard I’ve seen in a while.

-Even though it didn’t matter what the hell FGL did because they followed Chris & Justin, I still had to throw a little fashion appreciation their way because it made me laugh out loud. Gone were the vests that I have plagued for years and the replacement was Brian wearing a harness and a feather necklace. No hang on, necklace is overstating it. He was wearing an actual full feather hanging off a string.Upon second glance there was a feather in his back pocket as well. I don’t know what I expect from two men who live in actual treehouses but it still gets me every time.

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-Pentatonix does a quick accapella country ditty and the audience lost their shit over it. Everyone was all in on their 2 second performance and it was really cute and well deserved cause this group is more talented than the Barden Bellas. They even got a standing O.

-Miranda wins Female Vocalist and you can tell she’s not sure how to handle the cameras but Luke swoops in and hugs her. What a gentleman. I almost forgive him for his lack of hip gyrations. In Miranda’s thank you she says, “I appreciate it, I needed a bright spot this year.” YOU GOT THIS GRRRRRLLLLL. KILL ‘EM.

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-Chris Stapleton wins his third award of the night and tears up. He’s humble and sweet and grateful and we need more of him in America. Also it’s very clear that all the top country artists were rooting for him which gives me even more of the warm & fuzzies. Also not for nothing he has some pretty luscious locks that curl better than my own.

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-Luke thanks his “baby” and they show Garth Brooks. LoLz. That cameraman was swiftly fired. Then Luke-no baseball cap-Bryan also shouts it out to the cool kids of country in the front row to remind everyone who isn’t VIP that they suck at life.

 

Winners:

Single of the Year- Girl Crush by Little Big Town

Song of the Year- Girl Crush

New Artist of the Year- Chris Stapleton

Vocal Duo of the Year- FGL

Album of the Year- Chris Stapleton, Traveler

Vocal Group of the Year- Little Big Town

Female Vocalist of the Year- Miranda Lambert

Male Vocalist of the Year- Chris Stapleton

Entertainer of the Year- Luke Bryan

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Red Carpet, Television

CMA Awards Red Carpet 2015

I particularly love doing Country red carpets because they’re the only awards shows where the men have equally as sassy outfits, if not more eye-grabbing than their lady counterparts. Don’t eva try to hold a country man down with their loud print suits and staple headwear. So even though most of you look like you scrapped together suits from the leftovers at a seamstress, I applaud you for keeping things spicy and going there instead of sticking to a boring black tux.

WORST:

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Singer-songwriter Chase Bryant attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

Exhibit A of above rant. Shiny teal patterned jacket, chesties, and Jimmy Neutron hair. Thanks for being you, men of country.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Karen Fairchild of Little Big Town attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

I want to like this but it looks like she’s wearing a dress with spiderwebs all over it. And I really hate spiders.

Kimberly Schlapman, of Little Big Town, arrives at the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on Wednesday, Nov. 4, 2015, in Nashville, Tenn. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

Sweet black armpit flaps.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: (L-R) Jay DeMarcus, Gary LeVox, and Joe Don Rooney of Rascal Flatts attend the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

Thank God one of them wore black or this would’ve been a real eye sore sitch for Rascal. Oh wait…

04 Nov 2015, Nashville, Tennessee, USA --- 04 November 2015 - Nashville, Tennessee - Kimberly Williams-Paisley. 49th CMA Awards, Country Music's Biggest Night, held at Bridgestone Arena. Photo Credit: Laura Farr/AdMedia --- Image by © Laura Farr/AdMedia/AdMedia/Corbis

Seems like maybe Kimberly bought this dress off Etsy.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Musician Ashley Monroe attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic)

I think wrapping a hot pink twin bedsheet around my body for a toga party in college was more flattering than this.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Musician Jason Aldean attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

Jason will probably never make my best dressed list, so I hope he’s kewl with that.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Actress Erika Christensen attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

This is the epitome of a horrendous bridesmaids dress from 1993. Also why is Erika Christensen at the CMAs?

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Musician Steven Tyler attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

You know what would be really wild? If Steven showed up in a slick tuxedo. That would turn some heads.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Preston Brust (L) and Chris Lucas of LoCash Cowboys attend the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

We have a TRUCKER HAT. I REPEAT, A TRUCKER HAT. And once you get past the shock of 2003 Ashton Kutcher, a white fedora, matching jacket combo deal.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Singer Danielle Bradbery attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

Not really understanding this idea of sheer paneled legs. Just wear a short dress and call it a day.

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No thank you, Jennifer Nettles.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Musician Scotty McCreery attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic)

He’s already pretty creeps and then throws on an embroidered jacket so that didn’t really help things.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Dan Smyers and Shay Mooney of Dan + Shay attend the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

The hair ruins everything for me here. Gelled pompadours AREN’T cool.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Singer Cam attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

This dress reminds me of a mix between banana peels and leaves, either way it’s too weird

BEST:

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Songwriter Kyle Jacobs and musical artist Kellie Pickler attend the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

This is really classy and elegant, especially for 1 out of 100 country awards. You go, grl.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Musical duo Lennon & Maisy attend the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

Why couldn’t the Conrad sisters perform? THAT would be must-see TV.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Singer-songwriter Kacey Musgraves attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

Kacey threw me a curveball tonight. No arts and crafts accessories, no beehive hairstyle, she just looks pretty.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: John Osborne and T.J. Osborne of Brothers Osborne attend the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

Beard’s got a weird jacket vibe going on but leather jacket Osborne is doing all sorts of things for me.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Singer-songwriter Lee Ann Womack attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

LeAnn with a sassy little frock. Showing Carrie she’s not the only country singer with stems!

04 November 2015 - Nashville, Tennessee - Thomas Rhett, Lauren Gregory. 49th CMA Awards, Country Music's Biggest Night, held at Bridgestone Arena. Photo Credit: Laura Farr/AdMedia

Thomas Rhett was out shined by his smokeshow wife and her dress that I’m obsessed with.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Singer Miranda Lambert attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

What do you do when you’re about to see your ex-husband in front of the cameras for the first time? Dye your hair pink, duh.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Singer-songwriter Sam Hunt attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

A fall-influenced suit. Hell yeah.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Singer-songwriter Cole Swindell attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

I’m willing to overlook the baseball cap for this spicy burgundy suit on Cole.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Model Hannah Davis attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

Slow whistle for the future Mrs. Jeter. Hot diggity damn.

Justin Timberlake arrives at the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on Wednesday, Nov. 4, 2015, in Nashville, Tenn. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

Everyone knows all JT needs to do is show up and he makes my best dressed list. Shameless.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Recording artist Luke Bryan attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

Luke never fails to dazzle me but all I need from his is a white tee and baseball cap.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Recording artist Brett Eldredge attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

My boo.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Actor Riley Smith attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

Latest installment of “if you guest star on Nashville you get an invite to the CMA’s.” I don’t hate it. More Riley Smith for me!

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Recording artist Darius Rucker attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

I may hate Hootie gone country but I can respect tha hell outta this bloutfit.

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I can get all down with this salsa number.

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Didn’t get enough hot pink tonight and I like this one a lot. David Nail you look nice as well.

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All because two people fell in love…they get invites to every Hollywood event ever. All in on Shawn’s suit, hard pass on Kaitlyn’s dress. I’ve seen a bajillion better outfits on her.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Musical duo Shawna Thompson and Keifer Thompson of Thompson Square attend the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

Thompson Square looking glam city.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Singer-songwriter Cassadee Pope attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

Usually the one sleeve thing is a little jarring but I’m alright with this scandal.

04 November 2015 - Nashville, Tennessee - Jana Kramer, Mike Caussin. 49th CMA Awards, Country Music's Biggest Night, held at Bridgestone Arena. Photo Credit: Laura Farr/AdMedia *** Please Use Credit from Credit Field ***

If you follow Jana on insta, you would know she’s preggers because she makes sure to directly comment on her bump in every post so it makes perfect sense that her hand is essentially glued to her baby belly on the red carpet. Also fist bump for putting the pregnancy rack on display.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Singer-songwriter Kelsea Ballerini attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

Princess Kelsea. Glad she made it to the CMA’s this year because her songs are fire flames and she’s a little cutie.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Singer-songwriter Dustin Lynch attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

Ignore the stupid pose, ignore the stupid pose.

Kimberly Perry, of The Band Perry, arrives at the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on Wednesday, Nov. 4, 2015, in Nashville, Tenn. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

The Sleek Perry

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Singer-songwriter Tyler Farr attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

I love this peacoat material jacket. Sophisticated AND trendy.

Reid Perry, of The Band Perry, arrive at the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on Wednesday, Nov. 4, 2015, in Nashville, Tenn. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

I laughed out loud when I saw Perry Bro 1 with his messy bun and realized this is EXACTLY what my hair looks like when I toss it up at the end of the day. Not sure if that’s a commentary on me or him.

Fave Look of the Night:

November 4, 2015 Nashville, Tn. Carrie Underwood 49th Annual Country Music Association Awards held at the Bridgestone Arena © Curtis Hilbun / AFF-USA.COM

She may have 12 outfit changes throughout the evening but her red carpet look did it for me.

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Pop Culture

Celeb-oween 2015

Celebs, they’re just like us…sometimes they have really dumb, unoriginal halloween costumes…and when they do, I point and laugh at them. I will applaud the fact that no one slipped up and did black face this year. They just might be learning!

WORST

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Haute couture skeleton @alexfaction

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I think this would have been okay had J.Lo not taken a typical costume and called it haute couture like a bougie betch.

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I’m not sure what’s going on here, is this just a child from my nightmares?

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I think I nailed the Kim K costume! 🕸👻🕷

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What does the biggest attention whore in America dress as for Halloween? Herself, obviously.

I will absolutely NOT support Let it Go for one more second. Even if she does look like an adorbz little Olaf.

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Devil’s Threesome.

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The Today Show tried to be cutesicle….

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Except replicating a cartoon in real life can actually turn into a pretty scary sitch for all involved. Also OF COURSE Matt Lauer cross-dressed.

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Trump thrives off of this shit.

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Tyra Banks as Richard Branson. Why?

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Did Kylie even know it was Halloween? OHHHHH BURNNNN.

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Gisele and Tom Brady putting giant skeleton bobble heads on with a regular outfit is lazy and lame.

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HEIDI KLUM MUST BE STOPPED. DO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH LESS.

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Katy Perry as a mic drop. This is actually a clever idea until you have to reenact it 100 times for people to get it and then you have a concussion.

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I know Hil can do much better than a basic betch black cat.

paris

Right, so this is what warriors look like?

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BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Shirtless costumes only in the future, pls.

BEST

Anne looking pastel puuurfect as a unicorn.

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Coming to America🎃

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HOW SASSY IS BLUE THOUGH?!

The classiest woodland creatures I ever did see.

Mario Lopez’s kid is the cutest little smush and they nailed Elvis & Elvis Jr.

Allison looks EXACTLY like Belle.

Authentic shit, right down to the climbing. If Shawn was my fiance I’d climb him like a tree too.

I’m embarrassed that I went as Sandy last year because Gigi swept through this year and took a big dump on my version of bada$$ Sandra Dee.

Sophia Bush perfecting Pulp Fiction

The possibly engaged couple as polar opposites. Mesmerized by Jeets’ face as the devil.

Lebron going as Prince and taking the stage for an impromptu show seems really out of character for him.

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Girls’ already got one hell of a mane.

Not as good as last years caveman in the flesh but still pretty great.

Hot damn! 2000’s Jess is making a comeback.

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I just wanna snatch P right up. I won’t…but I want to.

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This is Colton Haynes. He doesn’t normally look like this. Respect tha hustle here for transforming into the largest and most disgusting creature in Disney villain history.

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Nina Dobrev bitch facing as Posh.

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Don’t you ever cross Queen Bey or she’ll come at you like this.

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Kelly Ripa’s got a knack for pop culture costumes, IMO.

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Michael Strahan as Cookie. FIERCE.

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Josh Duhamel with a gap tooth.

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I’m always pro-T.Swift costume.

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GMA hosts Robin Roberts & TJ Holmes take on the Lyons.

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Bionic hand seals the deal for Aisha Tyler

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Miranda Lambert and co. as the Rockford Peaches. Where Marla Hooch at?

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Ellen DeGeneres created her own character, Karla Kardashian, who is the reject of the clan and only wears hand-me-downs. Bonus points for originality although we know how I feel about drawing more attention to the Kardash fam.

therock

This seems like an approps costume for someone who naturally has gunz on gunz.

sarahyland

If you have a hot bod like Sarah Hyland it should be mandatory that you go leather bodysuit for Halloween.

jalba

Always jelly of celebs who can get their hands on legit wardrobe for pop culture costumes.

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Gina Rodriguez shows off cute and cozy.

demi

YAASSSSS TRAP QUEEN.

pink

Pink looks exactly like lil Drew Barrymore.

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Nicole Richie doing up the Nightmare before Christmas creeperoni.

nph

NPH is the family costume magician every year.

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His and hers cat in the hats for one of my fave couples

chrissy

Chrissy Teigen as Guy Fieri is perfect and gave her an excuse to do douchey things. I’m all for a costume that lets you get away with being a more obnoxious individual.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 7/20/15

1. Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton win runner up in July’s front page celeb divorce race. 

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If we’re going to rate the level of shock I was feeling at this announcement it’s probably falling around a 6, whereas my Ben/Jen shock level was at an 11. Ever since these two got married there’s been rumors of a divorce so that kind of paved the way for preparations. Don’t get me wrong they’re cute as shit together and it sucks that this happened, but in the wise words of my mother when she saw them at the Grammy’s together one year “Those two are going to get divorced right? They both seem like they want the spotlight and that doesn’t work in a marriage.” (Obviously she was forgetting about One Tree Hill…Naley <3, popstar+pro athlete=always&forever) ANYWAY it just seemed like maybe it wouldn’t really work out. RIP. Here’s hoping for some kickass breakup tunes from Miranda. Too soon?

2. Twitter Beef City, Population: Everyone. So like MTV, music videos and the PRESTIGIOUS VMA’s became relevant again this week in a big way as Nicki Minaj hopped aboard the WAHmbulance and tweeted mad shade because her music video full of buhholes (for a song that was a Baby Got Back remix) did not get nominated for video of the year. Anyway her complaint was that girls with donks don’t get no VMA love and Taylor was like excuse me but there’s no need for girl on girl hate and Nicki was like pshhh you’re not getting my point that I didn’t very clearly make in 160 characters or less and then the internet was like NICKI AND TAYLOR ARE PLOTTING EACH OTHER’S MURDERS when in reality no one was really mad at each other. They both luh and respect the other and made nice on twitter and Taylor told Nicki that she could TOTES join her onstage when she wins (cause she will.) Oh and also Katy Perry was like FOMO guys I need to also be included in this so she tweeted something incoherent with a lot of big words. Bai Katy. Go back to being a cheeto forever.

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Ed Sheeran and Bruno Mars (also best video of the year nominees) had a fake twitter feud to be like HAHA girls are stupid, let’s make fun of their petty internet fights. If you’re asking me for my opinion (which I assume you ALWAYS are) Ed deserves the W for video of the year. He learned how to ballroom dance like a BO$$ for this music video and it’s CRAZY good.

Although I feel like I recapped that fight flawlessly for those who missed it…you may reference the actual tweets below (well…the ones that haven’t been deleted, I’m looking at you Tay PR) for the full picture.

OH part 2 of twitter feuds this week was in the rap world, Meek Mill (I think Nicki Minaj’s other half?…apparently date night for them is calling people out on Twitter) got all up in Drake’s biz and ranted about how he hates him or something and that he uses a ghostwriter, which I’m not positive but I think using a ghostwriter in rap speak is like the biggest diss in America or so it seems. Also Meek’s pretty pezzed that Drake was featured on his album and didn’t also promote it on social media. Drake responded the best way possible…with radio silence. Drake OBVIOUSLY wins. Also if he does use a ghost writer I don’t want to know. I’d like to blissfully live in a world where a man who wears colorful knit sweaters also wrote this: “I got money to blow, letting these bills fall all over your skin.”

3. Miley to host the VMA’s. 

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No seriously, I wasn’t kidding when I said the VMA’s suddenly became relevant again this week. Miley announced she was hosting in a very typical ughhhh Miley way and I’m not even a little bit kidding when I say that I might not be able to stomach an entire awards show with this tongue-out trashmonster at the helm. Not even for the blog’s sake. Never forget: the epic N*SYNC comeback being OVERSHADOWED by Miley and Robin Thicke porking onstage to Blurred Lines. So instead of encouraging this…I will bring us back to what was once good about the VMA’s and this is how I will get through my afternoon in the cube.

4. Brett gives us a tasty lick and other new tunes. Preview of new music from Brett Eldredge who I would looooove to have “just a taste” of. Too much? Too little? Just enough? Listen here. MKTO also snuck out a new banger pre-release style and it’s good shit.

5. If Kelly Clarkson sings Bye, Bye, Bye without choregraphy, did it even happen? JK I’ll cut her a break because she did a slower version but actually…how does one sing the words bye, bye, bye and not at least do the hand part? It’s physically impossible. Not to brag but I did this number for karaoke in my last week of college and yelled crushed it at the end as I threw the mic back to the DJ. Why did I crush it? Because I did the choregraphy. Duh.

BONUS: The Broadway version of Full House is a thing that’s happening and I’m getting all the uncomfies just from the cast pic:

FULLHOUSEMUSICAL_Official_1

Makes perfect sense that Michelle is the same age as her Uncle Jesse and also what’s so funny Deej?

And because I could never end on that note and leave you with Full House porn nightmares…please enjoy this super cute fat face baby pic from hunk Scott Eastwood.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

All of this week’s most important stories in one place.

1. Frozen 2 is a real thing that’s happening.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

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2. Buzzworthy music videos this week from Carly Rae Jepsen and Miranda Lambert. Miranda’s song Little Red Wagon teeters right on the edge of annoying and catchy for me, but girl deserves props for looking like a smokeshow sassternaut in this video.

Carly Rae Jepsen waited a few years until we were over Call Me Maybe (spoiler: I’ll never be over Call Me Maybe) before she put out another bubblegum smash. This time she recruited Tom Hanks to use emojis in her music video and break it down next to Biebs. Keeping us on our toes with just the right amount of weird.

3. Andy Samberg to host the Emmys in September on FOX. Seth Meyers hosted last year and did a pretty dece job, especially when he recruited Billy Eichner for a little Billy on the Street bit.

I’m a liiiiittle concerned about Andy hosting an entire awards show, but I’ll hold out hope for some new Lonely Island material that doesn’t contain the words Everything or Awesome.

4. Fashion Police is F’ed. Dear, dear Joan Rivers is LITERALLY rolling in her grave. This show is a HOT mess. Giuliana makes some joke about dreads and suddenly the hosts of this show are dropping like flies. E! should stick to their Kash Kow and maybe cut their losses with this show since it’s basically in the dumpsters right now. If Kathy Griffin leaves your show you know you’ve got a reaaaalll problem.

5. Zoolander 2 announced via Walk-Off in Paris Fashion Week. At this point everyone has blabbed about this since it happened at the beginning of the week but I don’t discriminate on my weekly juice…news is news and Zoolander is BACK. What a perfect way to announce that Hollywood is producing yet another lazy sequel, by making a mockery of Paris’s fashion week with a goofy Hansel and Zoolander walk-off. Even Ice Queen Anna Wintour got in on the joke. Props, girl. Buckle up for the 2016 return! More importantly…did we ever find out who won the walk off?

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