Music

Jesse McCartney Monday

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I think I’ve loved Jesse McCartney my whole life, skipping over-for obvious reasons-his Dreamstreet days. He started out as the soulful melon-head who also starred in the hit (not really hit) TV show Summerland. Then he left my life for a little while and those were some tough years…but he came right back more badass than ever with a fresh hair cut and some hip hop influences and I will forever be grateful for that. I thought it would be approps to kick off the week with a little evolution of Jesse, a man who matured in the spotlight flawlessly. TAKE NOTES, BIEBER.

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Beautiful Soul

Obviously we wouldn’t have Jesse and his awkward bowl cut that made his head look 100x larger without this #1 hit. This video is kind of a snooze but the highlight reel contains him wearing a cowboy hat and thinking he’s modeling for GQ, followed by ditching his shirt to show off his milky white chest with a gem necklace for a little swim with his lady love in a leaf-infested pool. Obviously the doo-rag girl that captured his heart holds his hand at the beach later for a nice PG fairytale ending.

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How Do You Sleep? (FEAT. LUUUUUDA)

The ultimate cool guy music video, Jesse dons some sonic the hedgehog dark hair, a leather jacket and aviators as he drives a vintage whip through the desert. Or rather he does everything but operate this vehicle, jumping to and from cars, sitting in the backseat with his boo and laying across the hood. Seriously Jesse, WHOSE DRIVING THAT CAR?

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In all his glorious mid-2000’s swagger, LUDA shows up to spit verses standing atop a car, directing two other running cars like reindeer on a sleigh via some silver chains. Why? Cause he’s a Bo$$. Even though Jesse is clearly trying to transform from blonde cherub to Danny Zuko, you can’t help but see his gentleman side when he croons “Not only does your body bend, but i miss the conversation too.”

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Leavin

If there were ever a music video version of telling your fans, “Hey guys I’m an adult who has sex now but still enjoy wearing a necklace”, this one would be it. Gone are the days of going after a girl for her soul instead of her looks and we’ve now arrived at leave your boyf and then writhe all over me. Also important to note that Jesse is still doing the spiky thing with his hair, despite the fact that it doesn’t look that gr8. An emotional time for us all.

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Shake

Transformation into sex machine completed. Jesse has a dark, side-parted swoop with a three piece suit so BACK DA F UP, boys. He also debuts some tight dance moves while biddies in undies and hooker boots gyrate around him. UPGRADE. Bonus points for the not so sneaky Motorola plug (2010 seems a little late for this) and for taking a call from  “Cali shorty”. At least we know Jesse learned something from working with Luda all those years ago, keep shorties on call in all major cities.

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Punch Drunk Recreation

What’s that? You thought Jesse was done? NO WAY. This was a song off of his latest album and truly completes his mature musical evolution. It ain’t always about the booty, sometimes it’s just about getting 100 of your closest friends together, throwing a house party and lacing up some Nikes to show off the freshest dance moves with your bros. This is what adult Jesse looks like and he’s crushing it. And he knows it. Also the front spike is back, no doubt a wink to his earlier days except now he’s a trillion times cooler but still releasing bangerz.

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Please don’t ever leave me again, Jesse.

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Playlist

Summer Palooza 2k13

Soak in the last few weeks of summer weather by kicking it back to 2013 where we were clearly in a heavy country phase. It’s fine though because it’s impossible to have the end of the summer scaries while singing about beer, cutoffs and tanlines.

Summer Jam- Jake Owen Ft. Florida Georgia Line. This song was made for summer palooza…plus there’s not a more flattering compliment than telling a chick that she’s sweeter than your sweet nanny’s lemonade.

It Goes Like This- Thomas Rhett. What a country doll Thomas is, writing songs to get girls. He obviously knows how to get tail.

Back Together- Jesse McCartney. We can all laugh it up reminiscing Jesse’s days in Dreamstreet or serenading us with Beautiful Soul but boy has GROWN UP. This was a comeback after he’d disappeared for a minute and it’s a real sassy number. Whiny kid from Summerland NO MORE!

That’s My Kinda Night- Luke Bryan. Luke does his best work when he throws down booty-shakin songs and this is one of his greatest. My kind of night is any one where I can see Luke switch his hat backward and swivel his hips, if anyone’s asking.

Brave- Sara Bareilles. Here’s an obligatory girl power song that also happened to sound almost exactly like a Katy Perry song except Katy can kick rocks because this one is way better. I just admitted that because I’m saying what I want to say…I’m being brave just like Sara told me to.

I Hope It Rains- Jana Kramer. I think this Jana song was pre-One Tree Hill in her Alex Dupre days so it’s not as saucy as when she was trying to steal Julian from Brooke Davis. Anyway, known to go down the aisle a time or two, Jana sings about an ex getting married and hoping his wedding day is ruined by a monsoon.

Blurred Lines- Robin Thicke Ft. Pharell. Hey remember when this song was the tits (literally…have you seen the video?) and then suddenly it got a lot of heat for promoting rape culture—oopsie! Either way it’s pretty catchy, sue me.

I Want Crazy- Hunter Hayes. Lil baby Hunter doesn’t want a vanilla relationship, he wants crazy love and I’m thinking maybe he should wait until he’s a little older and no longer has a curfew for such mature relationships. Has he even graduated high school yet? Anyway, I was really proud of the day I finally nailed these lyrics, it was right around the end of summer. I worked really hard.

Rebel Beat- Goo Goo Dolls. The Goo Goo Dolls went away for like a casual 10 years and got a whole lot older but when they came back they were better than ever. This song has a nice hipster vibe to it to show they aren’t stuck in the 90’s and it’s super fun.

Wasting All These Tears- Cassadee Pope. Cassadee’s a The Voice one hit wonder and this is a nice power ballad for post break up times or just like a really good car concert.

Whatever She’s Got- David Nail. This song was probably written about me cause guys are always in awe of my lethal combo of hotness and personality.

Best I Ever Had- Gavin DeGraw. Gavin went for a different sound with this one and it’s a real upbeat clapper, plus he shouts out a bunch of states in the middle of it randomly. He skips New York…I’ll have to forgive him for his obvious misstep.

Don’t Ya- Brett Eldredge. Brett’s first single before he was my future husband! Oh how far he’s come. Obviously it’s a banger because that’s all he releases.

Take Back the Night- Justin Timberlake. JT can do no wrong, even when he uses a slogan for rape victims as a song title. He simply tips his fedora and moonwalks away.

Round Here- Florida Georgia Line. FGL hit a hot streak with their first album and then they wore one too many barf.com vests in public and suddenly their songs weren’t as cool. This one covers all the basics though, fireball and dancing.

Gone, Gone, Gone- Phillip Phillips. What a beautiful love song from dubz Phil. What ever happened to him?

Counting Stars- OneRepublic. Ryan Tedder is always good for tunes, whether they’re his own or with others (cough cough I know places with Taylor Swift) and this one is no different.

Still Into You- Paramore. Sometimes I just like to remember the time when I thought I was punk rock because I watched the Ashlee Simpson show and Paramore always helps me do that. Girl changes her hair color to a different abrasive shade of red every 10 minutes but she knows angsty pop like nobody’s biz.

White Houses- Vanessa Carlton. He’s just so funny in his bright red shirt. Vanessa drops a HUGE clue in this one for any future suitors…just be funny and you’ve got a one way ticket into her pants.

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Music, Red Carpet, Television

Grammy’s Red Carpet

It was music’s biggest night and the singers put on their best, which unfortunately wasn’t great. The best dressed list was a true struggle to populate and it’s not just because I’m a judgmental asshole. I had people weigh in this time. Let’s get things started with the never-ending

Worst Dressed:

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Ariana Grande with her signature tight ponytail that looks like it’s painful and a gown that looks like it was unfinished so they pinned a scrap of metallic material over it in an emergency.

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Ashanti. Do less. Also how dare you show up to the Grammy’s without Ja Rule on your arm? Show some respect.

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Charli XCX. Do even less than Ashanti. Was this supposed to be a bit? Did I miss something here?

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Trash bag meets unraveling loofah on Ciara.

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Damn it with those milkmaid braids that look to be weighing your head down, Iggy. I don’t even hate the dress because I’ve seen her do worse, but those braids really rough it up.

Jane Fonda

Legit question, why is Jane Fonda at the Grammys? In a green leisure suit nonetheless.

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I actually don’t understand how Kanye is seen as a fashion icon. His obsession with deep V’s is almost as aggress as his wife’s obsession with showing off her lady bits on the internet.

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

I had to do a double take because I thought that Katharine McPhee was JWoww.

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

I think I actually like the purple hair more than I like this dress.

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Kimmy, thanks for gracing the Grammy’s with your presence in a bedazzled bathrobe. Would you like me to grab your slippers?

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Bonus points for matching the hair to the dress but yikes put the bewbs away.

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KANGOL. NUFF SAID.

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Madonna, you’re 56, woof. Time to retire the corsets.

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

This is conservative for Miles. That being said she looks straight up terrible. Is she coming down from a bender?

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

I would expect nothing less from someone who sings about buhholes.

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Pharrell & Wife trying to one-up his historic Arby’s hat moment from last year with a nice readywear gym couples outfit.

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Rihanna saw this online and thought it was cool. I’m wondering if that means she stumbled upon the DIY loofah costumes on Pinterest. She looks like she’s 400 pounds.

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Ryan Adams taking his divorce with Mandy Moore well in a Canadian Tuxedo.

Zendaya

The Dumb and Dumber hairstyle, the hideous colored dress and matching lip. No thank you, Zendaya.

Best Dressed:

Anna Kendrick

Anna Kendrick with the ever popular this season, tuxedo-no bra combo.

Beyonce

BeyBey with the mermaid waves and form-fitting lace gown.

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Chrissy Teigen crushes red carpet looks all day erreday.

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Gwen Stefani wearing the pantsuit well and also keeping up appearances for her performance (see recap).

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

I see you in that green velvet suit, Jesse. ❤

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Jennifer Hudson’s hair is looking pretty mom-ish but damn that body! The dress fits her well and looks great.

Mary J. Blige

MJ Blige with an age approps and beautiful gown.

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

I’m still half in half out on this one, but I think I’m leaning toward in so here it is. Meghan Trainor trying something different.

Miranda Lambert

Not my favorite for Miranda but she crushes her peformance outfit so that helped her make this list. (see recap)

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Normally not a hat person but Ne-Yo is lookin real smooth.

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Nick Jonas with the fitted plaid suit paired with white kicks. Wish he picked different shoes but he looks real trendy.

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Nicole truly looks the best I’ve seen her look in a long time. Keith doesn’t deserve to be on the best dressed because of THAT HALF UP, HALF DOWN HAIRDO. NO KEITH. NO PONIES. (He also seems pretty casj about Nicole TOWERING over him.)

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Lovin on that dress on Kimberly and the sleek pony.

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Hate the hair, half in on the dress. I think the sparkles distracted me. And I drank a lot of wine tonight.

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Jessie J in this sheer black number is pretty classy. Never into the greasy slicked back hair.

AND THE BEST DRESSED OF THE EVENING GOES TO:

The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

This isn’t even me being a biased Taylor super fan. This look is awesome. The dress fits well, has sass in the back, is a spicy color and the legs + purple heels just seal the deal for me. Could’ve gone without the earrings that look like ones my mom used to have that I thought were costume jewelry and she was like no these are real earrings I wear in public, but whatever. I’m not going to nitpick, it’s not really my style. 😉

Keep reading for the full 4 hours condensed into highs, lows and cat naps in my Grammy’s Recap.

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Pop Culture, Red Carpet, Television

People’s Choice Awards Red Carpet Looks

In the spirit of awards season and not missing any one that they air, I actually watched the People’s Choice Awards. Yiiiiikes. I won’t bore you with a recap on them because literally nothing happened. I think the highlight of the night was when Chris Evans escorted Betty White to the stage for her TV Icon Award and it was a real panty-melter to see such a hottie being a gentleman. Adam Sandler won an award and Fall Out Boy performed so I had myself questioning what year it actually was several times. Also hosts Anna Faris and Allison Janney played it safe all night and were basically just there to promote their soon to be cancelled show Moms ad nauseum. Also Iggy Azalea tried to bone Dax Shepard by flirting with him on stage. And we’re all caught up. I did however decide to do a best and worst dressed list because there were some standouts that deserved to be addressed.

Worst Dressed:

allisonjanneyannafaris

I mean these are your hosts and their not looking their best. Anna Faris is wearing a circus ruffle dress and Allison Janney is showing an untasteful amount of cleavage for her age…

amyadams

I’ve seen Amy Adams look stunning and this just wasn’t doing it for me. Too plain. Also I can understand why she wouldn’t pull out the big guns for the People’s Choice Awards.

arielwinter

This is outrageous. I cannot get on board with Ariel Winter and the tuxedo as a dress thing. You look like you’re doing the walk of shame.

ginnifergoodwin

Honest question has Ginnifer Goodwin ever NOT looked like your frumpy aunt?

hillaryscott

I feel like this dress is not the most flattering on Hillary Scott.

katharinemcphee

She’s certainly got the Kim K hourglass to pull this off but it’s just too much.

tajmowry

WOOF with the super low cut tee Taj Mowry. No need to do nips out for the People.

Best Dressed:

sarahhyland

Digging on this sparkly party dress on Sarah Hyland.

kristenbell

Kristen Bell popped out a baby like 2 weeks ago. Damn gurl. Also I’m obsessed with this dress. Fave look of the night.

oliviamunn

The classy crop was a trend last night and I was digging it. Love the sparkles and high pony on Olivia Munn.

kaleycuoco

This is my second fave look of the night. Even though Kaley Cuoco buzzed her head and I hate it, girl is pulling off this cutout dress. Almost makes me want to hit the gym. Almost.

jesse

Jesse McCartney repping well dressed men like nobody’s biz.

iggyazalea

I think this is the best I’ve seen Iggy dress for an awards show. Still not really in our era, but she makes it work.

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Digging on this color on Gabrielle Union.

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Last but certainly not least, Chris Evans looking like the hot piece of ass he is. Dressed casj in a sweater and it makes me want to curl up by the fire with him with a glass of wine while he reads me a book. Whoa. That escalated quickly.

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JUice, Music, Pop Culture

Weekly JUice

1. Pitch Perfect 2 Trailer is here!

Hearing Cups before the trailer even started was already magic to my ears and then they went ahead and made it a Barden Bellas melody via campfire and made it 100 times better. The sad song, the slow motion, the slumber parties, it started out looking like a farewell college video and I’m certainly not in an emotional state to handle that right now. It’ll pretty much always be too soon for that. THANK GOD they picked shit up because I was running out of tissues. After some arm farting, we get a dirty beat and it looks like a trailer for Step Up 7:The Beatz from the Streetz (Trademark pending). This is what I can get down with. It could very well be a Step Up movie because it’s World Championships now and there was a lot of stripping onstage shown in a very short period of time. Side note: Legit thought the foreign blonde chick was Sofia Vergara for a second and then felt bad immediately because this woman is obviously a man. Sorry Sofia…my B. Anyway this trailer was phenomenal and now I have outrageously high hopes for this sequel to be a banger with another epic soundtrack. It’s no coincidence that it premieres on my birthday and I for one can’t wait to ring in my 24th year with my gurl Fat Amy.

2. We all got Beyonce’d again. She snuck a new song and music video for 7/11 out on Friday night because weekends don’t matter to Beyonce. No one can have other plans when she could drop another album at a moment’s notice. Thanks for keeping us on our toes, Bey.

 

So this music video looks like it was just a girls night in a hotel room, getting slizzard and having a dance party. That’s so basic of Bey…appealing to the masses with a music video that we all could make. She uses her foot as a phone and dances around in her underwear. The song is pretty annoying so I won’t fault you if you don’t watch the whole video. Here is the music video summed up in one screenshot:

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3. Jesse McCartney releases music video for Punch Drunk Recreation

JESSE! When’s your next house party? LMK.

 

4. Jimmy Kimmel does his 8th installment of Celebs Reading Mean Tweets and this one is memorable because John Stamos FINALLY addresses his barf.com belly button.

 

5. Have you ever wanted to go on a date with a member of 1D? Good news, their new video allows you to do so. Set it full screen and kick back for your date, ladiezzz.

Not even leaving my apt and being wined and dined by some hotties is the perfect Saturday night.

 

Sorry I’m not sorry this week’s buzz is music video heavy…I just follow the JUice, people.

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