JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 11/27/17

1. Every American Girl’s Dream Came True.

harrymeghan

ring

Remember when I announced that Meghan Markle and Prince Harry were dating and that everyone was taking a royal dump on it because she’s American and also half black? WELL GUESS WHAT, NOW SHE’S GONNA BE A ROYAL. I’m down with it. I was never against it. Was it a little sooner than I was expecting? Sure. But have you seen her stems? I don’t blame Harry one bit for locking that shit down.

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It’s funny that America always had this obsession with party boy Harry and who would tame him. I mean there was a literal trash ass reality show where they led Americans to believe they were dating Prince Harry just because they put an orangehead in a suit and had him take the girls on fancy dates. At the time I was like joke’s on all of you, Harry will never settle for a trailer-livin, reality show appearin, AMERICAN. Joke was on me, apparently. American is what he settled for. She’s living out every girl’s princess dreams and I applaud the hell out of her. Gear up for non-stop Heghan fever. (We’ll work on that.) We’ll follow them to every public appearance, analyze their hand holding, have apps to virtually try on her ring, all leading up to the royal wedding that will be bigger than all the awards shows combined. I CANNOT WAIIIIIIITTTTT.

 

2. PERFECT.

 Ed’s baller enough to call up ‘Yonce and be like wanna sing this beautiful song I’ve already released with me? And she’s like YUP. It’s even better now. I didn’t think it was possible but the magic of their two voices combining is like Fergie and Jesus. What a duet.

3. I’m still a Demi superfan.

I just wanted to remind everyone that I still think Demi is QUEEN and I’m loving everything that she’s doing lately. I already ship a good music video real hard but this one was especially gripping. WHAT A ROLLERCOASTER OF EMOTIONS. First thought, Jesse ❤ What a good pick…smokeshow city. Second thought, they look so beautiful together and they clearly have a good sex life. Then WHABOOM, I see we’ve taken a turn for the “this is gonna be forever or it’s gonna go down in flames” territory. One thing’s for certain though and that is mah gurl Demi looks flawle$$ on her fake wedding day. Could’ve done with less of the shitty acting, tbh. But it all played into the drama and I get it. Song also bangs, so that doesn’t hurt either.

4. Jersey Shore Rides Again.

Never thought that in 2018 we would still be watching self-proclaimed guidos dick around on vacation but then again what can we predict in Hollywood anymore? These washed up trash monsters are mostly settled down now…Snooki and JWoww are parents (yikes) which apparently means it’s time to get the gang back together. JShore when it first debuted was MAGIC. Angelina getting called a dirty little hamster by Pauly D was one of my favorite moments in TV history. Then by season 4 when they’re pulling in Snooki’s friends (from Poughkeepsie, NY) as part of the show it was like eh ok. That’s enough. Probably the only thing that entices me to tune in is that Sammi Sweetheart won’t be there to sob and scream RAWN, HOW DARE YOU?! over and over and over again. Count me in.

5. VS Show = Garbage.

ming xi

As you all know, every year I recap the VS Fashion show so that we can laugh at the fluff material they film with dumbass underwear models to fill that hour timeslot on CBS and also summarize which singer interacted with the models most awkwardly. Well you know what? This year was THE WORST. Not only did I get false confirmation that Taylor Swift would be performing, but instead of Tay they had Miguel and a jazz singer. MIGUEL. IN 2017. The last time we heard of Miguel it was because he had committed a murder right in front of our very eyes.

What a joke of entertainment selection. I couldn’t even get excited for Harry. Honestly. The only thing I will post about the show is the model who cockily flashed the dubz peace sign then proceeded to fly through the air and fall flat on her face. Most brutal thing I’ve ever seen is that they didn’t edit her fall out OR THE SOBBING that occurred afterward backstage. What a commitment to ruining this girls’ career and completely embarrassing her. Feel free to watch it back here.

 

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 11/13/17

1. Sexiest Man Alive Continues to be HOT GARBAGE.

blake

Look, I’ve been outraged by People’s choice for as long as I’ve had this blog. The first year I was so fired up that I wrote a whole blog dedicated to it. Now I’m just jaded. I’ve come to accept that Sexiest Man Alive is the biggest Hollywood hack job and I think it’s time that we move on and ignore People every year until they do away with this title. Because internet outrage is still attention for them and they love the shit out of that. Ignore them like the smelly kid at recess and show them that putting a country singer whose been around for 900 years and is most well known for hosting a reality singing show and gallivanting around with Ms. No Doubt DOES NOT DESERVE THE TITLE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE. #TeamMiranda4Lyfe

2. VS Fashion Show Lineup. Interesting marketing tactic for pulling in viewers to the annual “watch skinny girls strut around in comically over-sized wings to today’s pop hits”. Tossing together Taylor Swift, Katy Perry & Harry Styles. Obviously Tay & Hay had a past fling and Tay and Kay had a past feud. So, they’re trying to stir up some shit but in reality they probably are kept apart by publicists and each perform their own hit and that will be that. Does it make me a big lez if I’m more excited to see what “bad Tay” will don for lingerie considering her last appearance featured her wearing this:

tay-karlie

If so, then I’m AOK with that. Update: Just before I published, there’s a story being tossed around that Katy’s visa or whatever isn’t approved to perform at this show. Fingers crossed this is true. WE ALL KNOW WHO THE WEAK LINK IS HERE, GUYS.

3. Congrats on the Sex. HEY DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT SARAH HYLAND AND WELLS ADAMS ARE DATING? Because once Halloween and that picture of the two of them dressed up as Stranger Things characters hit the airwaves it was like a floodgate in Sarah’s oversharing on social media tactic was opened and now we as the public are basically intimately a part of their relationship. They banter on twitter, they both post pictures almost daily & then she gets pissed at everyone for telling her that she’s oversharing. You know, normal stuff. I will say exactly what I said on my Reputation review…it’s fabulous that you’re happy but like THE KEY TO HAPPINESS IS NOT BARFING YOUR RELATIONSHIP ALL OVER SOCIAL MEDIA SO EVERYONE CAN COMMENT ON IT BECAUSE YOU’RE FAMOUS AND THEY THINK THEY KNOW YOU. End rant.

Two more reasons to smile again. My big🥄& furry🥄

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4. Barf City, Population: Me.

Gee, thanks Nicki for making me barf uncontrollably all over my keyboard. That’s it. That’s all I got.

5. Tree Hill is not a place where everything’s better and everything’s safe. As a very public OTH superfan, it would be inapprops of me not to report the reason it became a highly discussed show this week… 5 years after it stopped airing. The latest on the long list of Hollywoood pervs is Marc Schwann, creator and showrunner of OTH, and current showrunner of equally as delicious trash teen TV show, The Royals. According to this letter that was released mid-week, Schwann sucks. Leading the charge were public feminists and whistleblowers Hilarie Burton (called out Ben Affleck REAL HARD for some boob grabbing) and Sophia Bush (calls out everyone, always). In summary–pls follow the tweets below for everyone’s commentary–a female writer spoke out against Marc, all the OTH girls got on a conference call and drafted a public letter, all the men tweeted their support, lead of The Royals speaks out, ladies of the Royals pen their own British version of the OTH letter, all the men tweet their support, Marc is suspended pending investigation & Elizbeth Hurley is like I’ve never been harassed once in my life, so IDK what’s going on. SAARRRYYY. My take on this from the many different stories that I read is that Marc is kinda an egomaniac douchenozzle in general. Kind of puts OTH and the Royals in an icky light though if he’s running shows about young kids and being a real cr33p. Since this is quite the hot button issue these days and I don’t want to come off as insensitive, I’ll just give out the information and you can do with it what you will. I know. Mark this moment in history as the only time I’ve held back my opinions so as not to stir the pot. HOWEVER, I WILL SAY…Grubbs the bartender made a statement of support and from Chad Michael Murray, THE MAIN CHARACTER OF THE ENTIRE SERIES? We got nothin. He retweeted something and that was that. YIIIIIKKES. #BurnLucasDownSIS

THE ROYALS:

 

 

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 10/30/17

1. Every week is Taylor week.

It’s such an obnoxious move on her part to release something new every single week until this album drops and I’ll be the first to say I’m getting a little annoyed. Just drop the damn album all at once if you’re going to release every single song week by week. But anyway, I’m down with this little love song. Cause in case you didn’t hear, Taylor’s in love. And she doesn’t need to flaunt it around. Unless she’s writing a song about it. Or like, doing very public dates with Tom Hiddleston (which I still think was all bullshit but that’s neither here nor there.) Anyway, she’s real up front about being chill as hell now: “All the liars are calling me one
Nobody’s heard from me for months
I’m doing better than I ever was, ’cause”

CAUSE SHE’S IN LOOOOOOOOVE.

So… if ya’ll are keeping track, I’m pro: Look what you made me do, Ready for it & Call it what you want. I’m NO: Gorgeous. Next week all this nonsense is over and we’ll have the full album, so you best be expecting a track by track (of the four songs we haven’t heard yet) recap and that seems prettttyyy obvious.

2. Selenas back on that Biebs grind.

selena-gomez-justin-bieber-biking

Never to be upstaged by TayTay, Selena has created a whirlwind of press for herself this week, which can only mean something is on the horizon. Her and the Weeknd are dunzo (he unfollowed her and her whole fam on Instagram…so it’s official) and all of the sudden it’s 2013 again and Selena’s back on that Bieber D. Are they actually getting back together? Probz not. Are they flaunting their hangouts T.Hiddleswift style for publicity? Most definitely.  They went to church, rode bikes around town, she’s wearing his jersey. I mean come on. All I’m saying is stay woke on the Jelena reunion.

selena jersey

3. Lion King.

lionking

This casually drops the other night and it’s a LOADED cast. It’s good to know that one thing we can all agree on is that Mufasa will be NONE other than James Earl Jones. It’s cool to toss this photo out there for buzz and all but like could we get a little more info? Is this a broadway play? Are they just voicing a new animation? What’s the deal here, Lion King? I need to know if I’m going to be outraged or not. Is it another one of those stupid things where they play the movie and these actors dub over the voices live? I NEED ANSWERS.

4. BB Boy Decker.

Baby Decker number 3 is a ….

A post shared by Jessie James Decker (@jessiejamesdecker) on

Since I watch their reality show and stalk them on social media, I’m personally a part of the Decker family, and this is big news. Viv is PISSED to get another brother. She tried to deflect by making it seem like she was concerned for the balloons but there was no hiding that look of disappointment on her little mug. Guess they’ll just have to go for 4 and hope it evens out. (Shouldn’t be an issue considering how much these two bone and how quickly she gets knocked up.)

5. Lady Liberty is down!

This is only funny because we know that Wendy is AOK and was back to tossin out HOW YOU DOOOOINNN’s after a quick commercial break. I’ve watched this video no less than 100 times and that’s not a normal faint. That’s an “I’ve seen some stuff” look on her face and I will not accept any other theory besides there was a ghost in her audience. That costume doesn’t look that hot, just sayin. I’ll be the truther here and wait for the real story. Until then, I’ll keep watching and laughing out loud. PS – if you like people in costume eating shit videos as much as I do, here’s one of my faves. Go crazy.

 

BONUS:

Ya boy Chan filled in for Jimmy Kimmel this week and we got to see why we love him so much. Let his smooth moves and goofy ass humor take you into the weekend.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 10/16/17

Took a significant break from JUicing because Hollywood’s not funny nor entertaining when every female is getting sexually assaulted. But in the spirit of another TSwift drop, I was forced out of retirement…again. (Also I started a new job and I had to test the waters on blogging at work. Turns out we Gucci.)

1. Nope.

Alright, I’m out. I mean it was bound to happen. If you’re going to release three songs from your probably only 13 track album (just release the whole damn thing already) I knew there was a chance I was going to hate one of them and here we are. Going from singing about sex in Ready For It.. to you’re too gorgeous for me and I’ll just get drunk and go home to my cats. Really Tay?! Grow up. This is 100% a song for her preteen superfans and I’m just far too mature for it, honestly. Everyone’s saying it’s about her new boyfriend Joe Alwyn who is not the type of gorgeous that you write a song about his face. (“Cause you’re so gorgeous it actually hurts”) Scott Eastwood? Sure. This guy:

joe-alwyn

Not so much.

PS GTFO of here with adding children into a song. This isn’t Kidz Bop.

2. Everyone should watch this.

I had a really adult night where I gave myself a face mask and watched a YouTube documentary about a Disney star and I have 0.0 regrets about it. In fact, I encourage all of you to do the same. This doc was riveting. Probably because I’m unhealthily invested in the lives of celebs but also because I think Demi is wildly talented and got a bad rep just because she liked the nose candy. I mean, her and Selena were like toe to toe coming up from Disney and Selena ended up with more clout just because she didn’t go to rehab…which sucks because Demi actually has a good voice. But anyway, watch this for juicy tidbits about how she was a G-D trainwreck while touring with the JoBros at like 18. I mean think about it, this was the time when the Jonas Brothers were PEAK purity rings. And they’re touring with a girl whose trashing hotel rooms and punching backup dancers on a private jet. Quality entertainment. (I could’ve used even more BTS stories from this time, tbh.) Also there’s some great insight into her relashe with Wilmer Valderrama and how he literally wouldn’t talk to her until she turned 18. (Yeah, Ok.) Either way, fire up YouTube and treat yoself.

3. Ed Sheeran probably watched Demi’s doc.

ed

Apparently Ed just recently revealed that he, too has battled substance abuse. I mean it’s not hard being in Hollywood and using all of the things. Ed admitted that he got outta control and decided to go off the grid for a year to get his shit together. I think we can all collectively thank his boo, Cherry Seaborn. Because even though she has a stupid AF name, she influenced Ed to stop raging and without her we would not have Divide. True story.

4. JT is the perfect husband.

Do I support their marriage? No. Is it because I’m jelly? Yes. So here’s a little happy anniversary from me to the Timberlakes, by posting JT’s serenade to his wifey. Bet she really appreciated it as she sat at home taking care of their kid while he was out with the boyz doing a late night recording sesh. Jk she was probably drinking wine with Reese Witherspoon or something while the nanny watched their kid. Most importantly, JT is back in the studio.

5. Girl Crush Updates.

I don’t really have a fifth headline to blab about this week so instead let’s check in on my #1 and #2 girl crushes because they’ve both been on my radar this week. Blake Lively is promoting something. What is it? No idea. All I know is that whenever she promotes something she wears 100 cool ass outfits for press and looks like a total babe soda.

💃🏼@oscardelarenta @lorraineschwartz @lorraineschwartz @ofirajewelz

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on

🍂🍁🍃🍂@bottegaveneta @jonathansimkhai @louboutinworld @lorraineschwartz

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on

The balls to my basket.

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on

Even though she wore a full men’s suit and a torn up bedazzled jersey, I still love her so much.

And mah gurl Sophia Bush signed a deal with 20th century to produce and star in new shows. Dunno anything else about it other than she best be gracing my TV in a new number one hit right quick. Click here for full story.

sophia-bush_0

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 9/25/17

1. Kardashians Multiply Like Gremlins. (shouts to This Is Us)

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What a whirlwind of pregnancy announcements it’s been since last Friday. As soon as I published last week’s JUice, it hit the airwaves that Kylie Jenner is expecting a child with her rapper boyfriend who I didn’t even know she was dating. Kylie is 20. This “announcement” (even though no one from the fam confirmed it) came hot on the heels of their 10th anniversary special on E so ya gotta know Kris Puppetmaster Jenner was behind the whole thing. Still debating on if it’s a hoax that was used for ratings because we know everything must be on brand for this family and a borderline teen pregnancy doesn’t REALLY seem on brand. THEN at the beginning of this week it comes out that Khloe is pregnant as well. With her NBA boyfriend. JEEEZEEEEE. Again, no verbal confirmation from the family that never shuts up but I’m led to believe that Kris will be next at this point. Because you KNOW she needs to be a part of the attention and drama. Also fun fact: Kim and Kanye are expecting via surrogate. So basically, blink and they will multiply. And also, tune into their show because THEY’VE BEEN RAPING OUR TVS FOR 10 YEARS NOW. WUPH. (PS in case you were wondering I scooped everyone I know on both pregnancy announcements and it was a high like no other.)

kuetk

2. RIP Hef.

hef

That dirty dirty old man finally kicked the bucket and the world will forever remember him as a legend. Hef basically made sex slavery trendy and we were all fascinated by it. How does a man in his 70’s and 80’s have multiple girlfriends? I ate that shit right up. I watched the TV show and read all the articles. NEEDED to know the system that was in place that put one boobalicious blonde above another in the hierarchy of girlfriends for one geriatric gent. What were their roles? How often did they have sex? Regardless, when I heard the news of his passing I mentally gave a shout out to Crystal, his latest wife who is probably still in her 30’s. I was like wow, good for you girl. You snuck in at the bell, lived in his mansion and probably didn’t have to sex him up because he was beyond old as dirt at that point and now you will collect riches and have your full life ahead of you to start over. Except maybe NAHT because rumor has it he didn’t leave a dime for her. In which cause that BLOWS. But is also hilarious. Hef pulling one last prank from beyond the grave. GOTCHA, Crystal!!! Thanks for the blowies! (Is what I imagine he’s saying up in hussy heaven)

3. JT does LII.

jT

This isn’t really official yet but I want it to be SO bad. A JT halftime show is BOMB. He puts on the best show I’ve ever been to and I might just have to win the lottery and attend the actual super bowl, put up with bullshit football just to see this go down live. You know he’ll have MAD musician cameos because everyone loves him and the medley of fire hits would be unstoppable. I’m literally salivating as I type this looking forward to a halftime show for the first time since N*SYNC Britney and Aerosmith. Could it be a little risky because the last time JT graced the Super Bowl stage he pulled Janet Jackson’s nip out for the world to see? Kind of. But it’s been years. Give the guy a second chance to redeem himself. But also, nips are old hat. You’d have to do a whole lot more to shock today’s America and I’m ready to see what he has in store for us. LETZZZ GOOOOOOO.

4. JLD has breast cancer.

Well this sucks. She wins her 6th Emmy (breaking actual records) and finds out the next day that she has cancer. This wasn’t a happy scoop that I gave. BUT hopefully it will be when she beats it and everything will be fine again and she’ll keep slaying at every awards show ever.

5. Watch Channing Move DEM HIPS.

Yeah I get that it’s been two weeks in a row of me tossing in a James Corden vid but he’s just so goshdarn likeable. PLUS Channing. AND Magic Mike. Cue Ginuwine…and the weekend.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 9/18/17

1. Dave Grohl.

I’m gonna be honest, when Peyton and Brooke wrote Dave Grohl on the hot guys list on her closet door, I was like meh, seems like such a Peyton “I’m a brooding emo rocker” thing to do, I don’t really see it. And then I see him do an interview or watch a live performance and I’m like YUP. I get it.

One Tree Hill Character Quotes

In kind of related but not really news, I gave two weeks notice at my job, which has landed me in the sweet spot that everyone must find themselves in at some point where you have two weeks of kind of pointless time at your job. You’re finishing things up but not really starting something new, because why start something new when you’ll just have to hand it off anyway. And thus, I found myself putting my feet up and watching this lengthy carpool karaoke on full screen while at work. Sorry not sorry. Whatever, it was a good one. I mean seriously, how often do you hear of someone having their broken ankle/leg held in place so he can finish out a concert? Baller status.

2. Audrina pulls an Audrina.

audrinadone

So apparently Audrina and Australian Corey are getting a divorce BUT the real JUice lies in the fact that she also has a restraining order against him. They have a baby and got married a few months after she was born but it’s now coming out that he’s been abusive for essentially their whole 10 year on and off relashe. Not to make light of abuse because it is certainly not funny, but while reading an article on People covering the news, Audrina LITERALLY quotes that she thought having a baby and getting married would make him better. Insert thinking face emoji x a billion. Also again, not to add fuel to the fire, but as a devout Hills fan who watched Justin Bobby LITERALLY make out with a hideous red head right in Audrina’s grillpiece and then have her continue to date him for a few more years….yiiiiiiikes.

3. NIALL ❤

Even though I once declared that Zayn won the post-1D solo act, I’m willing to go back on my word and admit I was wrong. It’s like all Niall needed was to get his braces off and he’s full blown man now. All of his solo hits have been ah-mah-zing and he’s just so mature and soulful now. Between the old man scally cap that he casually wears to pints with his mates and the straight on-camera stare at the end, I was like whoa, Niall is here to stay.

4. BTS Pile full of Tays.

Remember when this video came out and I was genuinely like, I studied film and still don’t understand how she did this pile and made it look so realistic? Yeah, well I wish I didn’t learn. Because it made it 100% less cool. Come on Taylor, leave a little mystery there. Also, you don’t need to make yourself more relatable by acting awkward. We know you’re awkward, gurl. Let us enjoy LWYMMD for what it is…you clapping back and looking like a real badass dime. DON’T RUIN IT.

5. Full House of Lies.

full-house

It’s the 30th anniversary of the premiere of Full House, expertly coinciding with the release of their third Netflix season of their hot garbage revival, Fuller House, and therefore the entire cast is raping the press this week trying to get more views so they can keep making unfunny television that sullies the Full House reputation. Regardless of all that… Jodie Sweetin just admitted via some interview that she’s never seen a full episode of Full House and I CALL BULLSHIT. I mean COME ON-you were on the show for how many years and now there’s a full revival of it?! How ridiculous is that to not have been able to fit in one single 20 minute episode in the past 30 years. And I love her bullshit Hollywood excuse of, oh we don’t have cable. SO?! YOU WERE IN THE ACTUAL SHOW. Bets are you got a DVD set at some point! This whole thing just enrages me and I’m wondering if I’m just taking out my disappointment in Fuller House on Steph because she said something stupid. Could be, but I WON’T TAKE IT BACK.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 9/11/17

1. Fergie & Josh Head to Splitsville. After 8 years of marriage Fergie Ferg and Tad Hamilton are breaking up because WHY WERE THEY EVEN TOGETHER IN THE FIRST PLACE? Seriously. These weird ass Hollywood couples that pop out kids and sneak under the radar for far too long before breaking up always baffle me. Fergie used to wear Timberland heels, gold nameplated hoops & shiny track suits while she writhed around onstage with 3 other black guys rapping at her. Josh Duhamel is a rom com heartthrob. Yeah, ok. Sources say they were just “too different.”

really

That being said, London Bridge was my JAM back in the day. Grey Goose got the girl feeelin loooooose. (at the time of this release it was more like St. Bart’s got the girl throwing up, but whatevs, we can pretend.)

In super boring and dumb news that no one cares about, my boyfriend, who has spent the last 6+ months trying and failing at scooping me on celebrity gossip FINALLY got a W with this one. I guess it was about time, but like it doesn’t make me any less irritated about getting scoooooped. He’s handling it really well. If by well we mean bragging about it until the end of time.

2. Selena Gets A Kidney.

I’m very aware some of my fans had noticed I was laying low for part of the summer and questioning why I wasn’t promoting my new music, which I was extremely proud of. So I found out I needed to get a kidney transplant due to my Lupus and was recovering. It was what I needed to do for my overall health. I honestly look forward to sharing with you, soon my journey through these past several months as I have always wanted to do with you. Until then I want to publicly thank my family and incredible team of doctors for everything they have done for me prior to and post-surgery. And finally, there aren’t words to describe how I can possibly thank my beautiful friend Francia Raisa. She gave me the ultimate gift and sacrifice by donating her kidney to me. I am incredibly blessed. I love you so much sis. Lupus continues to be very misunderstood but progress is being made. For more information regarding Lupus please go to the Lupus Research Alliance website: www.lupusresearch.org/ -by grace through faith

A post shared by Selena Gomez (@selenagomez) on

I feel like Selena Gomez has some aggressive AF fans because any time she’s posting on social media it’s to defend herself because her fans have been up her bhole asking where she is. WELL GUESS WHAT. She’s been getting a kidney and stuff. EVERYONE COOL YOUR JETS. Not for nothing, but what a sly sneak back into the spotlight for Francia Raisa, star of Secret Life of the American Teenager. Not that I watched that show or anything (never missed an episode) but word on the street was that Francia played the slutty one of the high school who was preeettttyyy loose with her morals.

Screen Shot 2017-09-14 at 10.52.29 PM

Nothing cleans up a bad gurl image–on ABC Family–quite like sacrificing an organ for your friend. Claps all around. Hopefully Selena’s rabid fans have been satiated with this very personal update. More importantly, thank you for bringing memories of the greatest show ever created back into my life.

3. Behati Ate A Cheeseburger.

ROUND 2…..

A post shared by Behati Prinsloo Levine (@behatiprinsloo) on

So I guess this means Behati & Adam Levine are pregnant again although really with that picture and such a non-descript caption, it could also just mean she ate lunch that day and hadn’t taken a dump yet. Whatever. Here’s to another dumb name. Still bitter about Dusty Rose.

4. Yonce gets a headline about her lame dress.

beyonce-jayBeyonce and Jay-Z leave Rihanna's 3rd Annual Diamond Ball

I get that we’re all supposed to bow down to the Beyhive, but when she steps out to Rihanna’s magical ball in a $165 dress that’s hideous, I don’t think this is front page of People.com worthy. Snaps for her for getting her figure back post-twins ravaging her vagina (if she was actually preggers this time) but also, show it off with something nicer than this dress that peasants can buy to wear to their cousin’s fall wedding. COME AT ME, BEYHIVE. I’M ALL SORTS OF FIRED UP AND I AIN’T SCURRED.

5. Love Always, Mandy.

*EXCLUSIVE* Mandy Moore takes some family members to Caffe Luxxe

Mandy sneaky got engaged to Taylor Goldsmith, lead singer of Dawes this week and was inconsiderate by not posting a picture of the ring for us all to judge. This is the best shot we’ve got and you can BARELY see it. Step it up, Mands. I expect a close up by next Friday’s JUice. ESPECIALLY with the amount of press you know she’ll be doing for This is Us, the *groundbreaking* show we never stop hearing about.

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