JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 10/16/17

Took a significant break from JUicing because Hollywood’s not funny nor entertaining when every female is getting sexually assaulted. But in the spirit of another TSwift drop, I was forced out of retirement…again. (Also I started a new job and I had to test the waters on blogging at work. Turns out we Gucci.)

1. Nope.

Alright, I’m out. I mean it was bound to happen. If you’re going to release three songs from your probably only 13 track album (just release the whole damn thing already) I knew there was a chance I was going to hate one of them and here we are. Going from singing about sex in Ready For It.. to you’re too gorgeous for me and I’ll just get drunk and go home to my cats. Really Tay?! Grow up. This is 100% a song for her preteen superfans and I’m just far too mature for it, honestly. Everyone’s saying it’s about her new boyfriend Joe Alwyn who is not the type of gorgeous that you write a song about his face. (“Cause you’re so gorgeous it actually hurts”) Scott Eastwood? Sure. This guy:

joe-alwyn

Not so much.

PS GTFO of here with adding children into a song. This isn’t Kidz Bop.

2. Everyone should watch this.

I had a really adult night where I gave myself a face mask and watched a YouTube documentary about a Disney star and I have 0.0 regrets about it. In fact, I encourage all of you to do the same. This doc was riveting. Probably because I’m unhealthily invested in the lives of celebs but also because I think Demi is wildly talented and got a bad rep just because she liked the nose candy. I mean, her and Selena were like toe to toe coming up from Disney and Selena ended up with more clout just because she didn’t go to rehab…which sucks because Demi actually has a good voice. But anyway, watch this for juicy tidbits about how she was a G-D trainwreck while touring with the JoBros at like 18. I mean think about it, this was the time when the Jonas Brothers were PEAK purity rings. And they’re touring with a girl whose trashing hotel rooms and punching backup dancers on a private jet. Quality entertainment. (I could’ve used even more BTS stories from this time, tbh.) Also there’s some great insight into her relashe with Wilmer Valderrama and how he literally wouldn’t talk to her until she turned 18. (Yeah, Ok.) Either way, fire up YouTube and treat yoself.

3. Ed Sheeran probably watched Demi’s doc.

ed

Apparently Ed just recently revealed that he, too has battled substance abuse. I mean it’s not hard being in Hollywood and using all of the things. Ed admitted that he got outta control and decided to go off the grid for a year to get his shit together. I think we can all collectively thank his boo, Cherry Seaborn. Because even though she has a stupid AF name, she influenced Ed to stop raging and without her we would not have Divide. True story.

4. JT is the perfect husband.

Do I support their marriage? No. Is it because I’m jelly? Yes. So here’s a little happy anniversary from me to the Timberlakes, by posting JT’s serenade to his wifey. Bet she really appreciated it as she sat at home taking care of their kid while he was out with the boyz doing a late night recording sesh. Jk she was probably drinking wine with Reese Witherspoon or something while the nanny watched their kid. Most importantly, JT is back in the studio.

5. Girl Crush Updates.

I don’t really have a fifth headline to blab about this week so instead let’s check in on my #1 and #2 girl crushes because they’ve both been on my radar this week. Blake Lively is promoting something. What is it? No idea. All I know is that whenever she promotes something she wears 100 cool ass outfits for press and looks like a total babe soda.

🍌b. A. n. A. n. A. S. 🍌 @brandonmaxwell @lorraineschwartz @ofirajewelz @charlotteolympia

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on

💃🏼@oscardelarenta @lorraineschwartz @lorraineschwartz @ofirajewelz

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on

There's no place like …home? @chanelofficial @louboutinworld @lorraineschwartz @ofirajewelz

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on

🍂🍁🍃🍂@bottegaveneta @jonathansimkhai @louboutinworld @lorraineschwartz

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on

The balls to my basket.

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on

@vancityreynolds didn’t even do one outfit change from the sidewalk to the inside. (Lazy)

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on

Even though she wore a full men’s suit and a torn up bedazzled jersey, I still love her so much.

And mah gurl Sophia Bush signed a deal with 20th century to produce and star in new shows. Dunno anything else about it other than she best be gracing my TV in a new number one hit right quick. Click here for full story.

sophia-bush_0

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 4/24/17

1. Happy Birthday to me, from Harry Week.

Harry + James 43v3r, beginning May 15th, the day that I was born into this world. WHAT CRAZY ANTICS WILL THEY GET INTO?! You bet your bottom dollar I’m about to find out. I’m so excited that I’m not even thinking about how my sister, brother in law and boyf collectively RUINED his SNL appearance for me by continuously asking why I thought he was attractive. I’m choosing to ignore that STUPID question and get ready for new music and new lawlzzzz from this dynamic duo. PS: I lied. I’m not going to ignore that stupid question. Just look no further than the first three gifs I found on google. Any mood-Harry is sexy. Argument over.

2. Bye, Farmer Chris.

soulesmugshot

I can’t with the Bach contestants and how they treat their lives like a boozy adult summer camp. Go on dancing with the stars, “write” a book, promote MVMT watches on InstaG, go to paradise for 3 weeks to bang other bach family members #incest. Rinse, repeat. Well it looks like Farmer Chris done F’ed that up for himself. In the sketchiest recount of an accident I’ve ever heard apparently two trucks fell in a ditch and the driver of the other vehicle died. Then Chris ran away and hid at someone’s house until the cops provided a warrant to drag his ass to jail, where he took this v sober mugshot. YIKES. What would Chris Harrison say?

3. Bye, Dirty Dancing.

I previously shit all over this casting job when it was announced but now that they’ve actually released footage it deserves to be re-dumped on. Why ruin a classic? This seriously looks terrible and the fact that it’s a made for TV movie says everything. Yes that’s right, calling it a “great television event” doesn’t change the fact that it’s a higher budget Lifetime movie. Don’t you dare disgrace Patrick Swayze and his magic hips like that. They’re sambaing in his grave as he ROLLS OVER.

4. Hi, Blake & Ryan.

blaketime100

Blake & Ryan hit the red carpet making me uncontrollably drool all over and I needed to talk about it obviously. This dress is pretty ugly but it’s Blake and I still gasped when I saw her. That’s all. Carry on.

5. Don’t trust Ja Rule to organize a festival.

Ja created Fyre Festival on an island in the Bahamas where tickets were like 1200 bucks and he promoted it with a bunch of models on yachts but like guess what? It was a heaping pile of hot garbage. Or in the words of every update from it today: MASS CHAOS! It’s a good thing the target audience for this shitshow wasn’t millennials addicted to social media… oh wait…

fyrefestival

Definitely looks like a once in a lifetime experience! Hey Ja Rule, how about you stop pretending you’re the next music festival mogul and get back to popping out bangerz with Ashanti. The jig is up. You’re embarrassing yourself. Also, not to be glossed over–anyone who bought tickets to this event based on a rap music video promo with models shaking their T&A:

khaled

BRING US INTO THE WEEKEND JA!

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Red Carpet

People’s Choice Awards 2017 Red Carpet

Even though the People’s Choice Awards are basically just a big slobberfest for CBS and not worthy of a watch…I still wanted to judge the looks. Shouts to JT for showing up and allowing me to unmute my TV for a mere 2 minutes this entire awards show. And Blake Lively for declaring via acceptance speech that Ryan Reynolds is hers and no one else can have him. Preach, girl.

WORST

People's Choice Awards 2017 - Arrivals

Did impeccable Danny Tanner pick out a suit coat and pants that don’t match?

People's Choice Awards 2017 - Arrivals

Not only is this cropped pinstripe look real weird, but so is his jazzy feet pose.

People's Choice Awards 2017 - Arrivals

I know for a fact that Lori Loughlin has a bangin bod and it’s a disservice to cover it with a literal curtain.

43rd Annual People's Choice Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 18 Jan 2017

Meh, CCB can do better.

People's Choice Awards 2017 - Arrivals

WHAT is this. Is it pants? Is it a dress? Why are her boobs a different color and fabric? SO many questions, so little time.

People's Choice Awards 2017 - Arrivals

Even though they lost their star member, Fifth Harmony is still sticking with the “we all wear scraps of fabric the same color and look like trash” for every red carpet. Don’t eva change.

43rd Annual People's Choice Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 18 Jan 2017

I guess it’s fitting because her breakout role was in an orange jumpsuit but c’mon.

43rd Annual People's Choice Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 18 Jan 2017

This dress sucks. Since I feel bad being so rough on Jenny from the Block, I’ll toss in there that when she won her award and cried and acted like it was an Oscar instead of something people voted for on Facebook, her pony looked sleek as hell.

43rd Annual People's Choice Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 18 Jan 2017

A dress equivalent to the beaded seat cover of the 70’s.

chrissullivan

WHY TOBY?! WHY.

BEST

43rd Annual People's Choice Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 18 Jan 2017

Host looking sharp AF.

43rd Annual People's Choice Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 18 Jan 2017

I think I’m obsessed with this look. Like, might be my favorite of the night if Blake Lively didn’t show up and steal my heart.

43rd Annual People's Choice Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 18 Jan 2017

The choker seals the deal here and that’s obvious.

People's Choice Awards 2017 - Red Carpet

No clue who this is but I’m all in on this outfit. Also proves that I’m not a pants h8er when done right.

People's Choice Awards 2017 - Arrivals

Daayyummnn with the leather dress.

People's Choice Awards 2017 - Arrivals

Fun & SaSsY.

People's Choice Awards 2017 - Arrivals

The red buttons with the red flash on the belt, I see you, Wilmer.

People's Choice Awards 2017 - Arrivals

This is pretty scandalous with that sky high slit but CBS needed a little near cooch slip.

43rd Annual People's Choice Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 18 Jan 2017

Fresh off his Greek vacay, Uncle J can do no wrong.

People's Choice Awards 2017 - Arrivals

Tommy Fre$h!

.43rd Annual People's Choice Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 18 Jan 2017

I love this more just because of the swish factor.

peoplechoiceawards2017pressroomakonvrwjpt-l

Yes, please.

QUEEN OF THE NIGHT:

43rd Annual People's Choice Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 18 Jan 2017

SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 12/12/16

1. Baby Blake.

Ryan Reynolds honored with star on The Hollywood Walk of Fame, Los Angeles, USA - 15 Dec 2016

Ryan Reynolds got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY they finally debuted their two kids and I’m not even a little bit ashamed to say that I looked at every single picture that was posted of them because they are adorbsies. James is quite literally a tiny Blake Lively with a casual afro and now that they’re out in the open I better be seeing pics of these little nuggs on the reg. Congrats you beautiful MF’ers, for living up to my high expectations for creating cute kids.

Ryan Reynolds honored with star on The Hollywood Walk of Fame, Los Angeles, USA - 15 Dec 2016Ryan Reynolds honored with star on The Hollywood Walk of Fame, Los Angeles, USA - 15 Dec 2016Ryan Reynolds honored with star on The Hollywood Walk of Fame, Los Angeles, USA - 15 Dec 2016Blake Lively, James Reynolds

2. ENews Gets Me.

No but seriously, that caption summed up every feeling I had upon seeing this photo. Shouts to my sister for sending this to me for a quick drool sesh.

3. Pregnancy Boobs.

💫the snuggle is real 📷 :@deborahandersoncreative hair: @pamwiggy hands: willow sage

A post shared by P!NK (@pink) on

My first two thoughts when I saw this photo 1. Willow’s hands are tanner than me and I’m jelly. 2. How can I work this braid into my every day hairstyle. But like also congrats on the pregnancy rack, Pink. I wonder if baby will be born with a feather in it’s hair and a henna tattoo up it’s arm. Even the crystals were a little over the top. It gave me PTSD flashbacks to Spence circa season 4 of The Hills.

4. RIP Alan.

alanthicke

This should have been number 1 because it was a shocking celeb death but honestly I hate talking about dead people on The Salty Ju. It gives me the sads. I knew Alan personally, from how many Hallmark movies I have consumed through the years and he seemed like a real stand up gent. Plus, he had to put up with Robin his whole life and I imagine that’s no easy feat. Especially post-foam finger-gate. I never watched Growing Pains because I’m too young (humble, not so subtle brag) but I can ‘preciate a banger of a sitcom theme song. I can only hope this is played at his funeral because it is one of the greatest songs ever written.

 

5. Get yoself a man….

…who buys you a bigger ring, just cause. In case you haven’t noticed Chris Pratt has become a massive superstar over the past few years and rather than turning into a doucheroni, he instead bought wifey Anna Faris an upgrade for her engagement ring. And OBVIOUSLY I approve. Plus like, they’re just the cutest. In exchange, she got him a tractor.

annafaris

farisring

BONUS: Merry Christmas from Carpool Karaoke

#Blessed that this was turned into a carpool karaoke medley because we can ALL agree that 2016 Mariah definitely does not sound like 1994 Mariah and maybe she needed a little help on this one. It’s not a car concert unless you really go for the high notes so I’m proud of everyone for laying it all on the line.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 7/11/16

1. Bruh. Delete your Twitter. As if the Taylor/Calvin breakup wasn’t annoying enough, someone whispered into the wind that Tay actually wrote “This is What We Came For”-Calvin and RiRi’s smash summer hit under the pseudonym “Nils Sjoberg” (because that’s a normal name to come up with on the fly) and wanted to keep it a secret so as not to steal any spotlight from her then beau. Well spotlight has been ripped because the deed is done and instead of accepting that, Calvin took to twitter like a 9th grade girl scorned and writing a scathing away message to tell us all just what he thinks about that.

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Screen Shot 2016-07-13 at 1.25.48 PMScreen Shot 2016-07-13 at 1.25.56 PM

When you’re surrounded by a team of people paid to make you look good at all times, at what point do they just change your twitter password and rip your phone from your hands? Calvin. Shhhh. You’re coming off really stupid right now. If you had left it at the first tweet everyone would’ve been like aw , that’s nice and carried on with their days. Instead you went on a whiny rant and dragged Katy Perry into the mix. Supes unnecessary. Meanwhile, Taylor’s busy cashing in on a very public romance tour with a guy who definitely isn’t as hot as you…and you won’t shut your yapper about it. Now that I’m done scolding Calv, I think it would be an ideal time to share with everyone that I’m now a Hiddleswift truther after reading two very convincing Buzzfeeds that their relationship is actually all part of a performance art piece ala Lemonade to drop in September. If you too would like to see the light of this hideously obnoxious music video in the making, click here for part one and here for part two. You may now go in peace to ignore all future movements by Hiddleswift and kick back for the main event in a few months.

2. Stop guessing if women are pregs just because we ate a big lunch. 

Screen Shot 2016-07-14 at 10.35.35 PM

If we are to believe that Taylor is purposefully flaunting all the stages of a relationship to send everyone a message to stop being so up in her shit about her love life, AND WE ARE, let’s add to the list that generally speaking the media should crawl out of the female vagina as a whole. What I’m referring to of course, is Jennifer Aniston’s essay as a result of someone trying to guess if she is pregnant for the 1 zillionth time. Spoiler alert: she’s not, and she’d like to have a little water weight without there being a twitter poll on what she’ll be naming her baby. And you know what? PREACH, GRL. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been photographed frolicking on the beach in St. Barts and my friends are calling me non-stop to see why they had to find out from Star Magazine that I was expecting. JK. Or am I? No but seriously one time I posed in front of the Christmas tree in a form-fitting sweater with my hands in front of my stomach and my mom’s friend asked if I was pregnant. SO THE HURT IS REAL. Not only was it presumptuous to assume that I was getting some, but also IT WAS CHRISTMAS COOKIE SEASON. I had a belly full of cutouts and green frosting and that seems pretty obvious. But I digress, and applaud Jen for finally telling everyone to STFU, in an extremely classy and well-written way, like she should’ve done roughly 10 years ago. Read the complete post HERE!

3. Watch this with the lights down low.

Seriously at this point you understand that my crush on JJ Decker just by herself, and then Eric Decker just by himself and then the two of them as a couple is pretty overwhelming. Well, then they lay this shit on me?! Oh, let’s just frolic and make out and toss each other around like we do on any other Monday night at home! I think I actually drooled a little bit while watching this and I couldn’t even tell you who I was focusing on, because it doesn’t matter. They’re both gorge.

4.Elle Woods 4Ever.

Legally Blonde turned 15 years old this week so Reese Witherspoon showed us all she’s still got it with a bend and snap and also by trying on all of the movie’s original costumes that of course still fit her. She’s 40. What a babe. That pink golf hat should be burned at the stake though.

“I’m able to recall hundreds of important details at the drop of a hat” 👙💖🎀 #LegallyBlonde15

A post shared by Reese Witherspoon (@reesewitherspoon) on

Seriously. 😂💖 #LegallyBlonde15

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5. Emmy Noms Takeaway.

Browse very long list right hurrrrrrr.

I always get excited when shows I watched are nominated for Emmy’s because it proves to me that not everything I watch is t-rash. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that Lip Sync Battle probably doesn’t belong on that list for “Outstanding Structured Reality Show”. Structured? Rly? Anyway, other highlights include UnReal and Constance Zimmer getting some recognition for being a boss bitch #moneydickpower. The People vs. OJ Simpson getting a lot of love (Sarah Paulson for the W) but like, did they toss David Schwimmer in there so he wouldn’t feel left out because his portrayal of Ross portraying Robert Kardashian was lolworthy. Even if he did spark a supercut of “Juice” that could basically be the theme song for this weekly installment. Making a Murderer squeezed in (props to me for jumping on that binge bandwagon) and Amy Schumer was of course littered throughout for her comedy specials and Inside Amy, because it is the year of her. Beyonce even got a little somethin somethin for Lemonade…further convincing me that I need to see that. Then I remember I have to buy it and say hmm better not. And those are my REAL educated overall gut reactions to the nomz. YA WELCOME.

BONUS: Blake is still kiLLin it.

Most useless bodyguard ever.

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on

#CafeSociety movie premiere!!!! See ya at the movies tomorrow! 🎞❤️📽❤️🎞

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 6/20/16

1. She got an LA face with dat Oakland Booty. That movie where Blake Lively gets attacked by a shark has finally premiered, which means Blake is back in the spotlight showing off her bangin wardrobe/bod/life and making me drool uncontrollably. Enjoy her top looks from this week while I scheme ways to recreate all of them. PS she addressed her “controversial” insta caption of a rap lyric and was like all hail curves, na’sayin? Thank you Blake, for being a voice for all of those Oakland booties all over the world (me.)

#TheShallows Day 1 …she thinks I'm way overdressed for 7am. #shesnotwrong 😁😊

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on

I mean, it's not a gooooown if there's denim over it. Right?!?

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on

See you TONIGHT, on the show…with Jimmy Fallon. You know the one.

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on

Expectation…

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#TheShallows premiere. Terrible at hiding my excitement.

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on

Partayyyyy time!!!!!… 1 more day til #TheShallows

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on

 

2. Solo Styles. I mean I guess this isn’t really news but Harry has signed a recording contract and will be the next to go SoLo. Hopefully he takes some notes from Zayn’s  sexual lyrics and amps it up a trillion billion. Although I’m not sure when he’ll find the time to lay down some tracks…maybe in between starring in Christopher Nolan films?

YAAASSS WWII HARRY. GIVE IT TO ME. Too much? Too little? Just enough?

3. Boring People Rewarded with Reality Show.

Exsqueeze me? The most vanilla and boring couple of the Bachelor franchise is snagging a reality show…on ABC FAMILY?! I’m not going to lie to you when I say that I was irrationally heated about this when I heard the news. These two had a shelf life that was about to expire in the fall and instead they parlayed it into a year long contract with a network for tweens. So whateva, go ahead and cash in on your five minutes before you eventually break up but know that everyone in the world wished it was Shawn and Kaitlyn who got a reality show because they’re actually hilarious entertainers who should be paid just for their snap stories alone. Here’s a quick tip for the “future” Mr & Mrs Higgi, from a true TV addict, couples who move in together and instantly let cameras follow them around TEND NOT TO LAST. Also, Ben told JoJo he loved her too. PEOPLE DON’T FORGET.

4. PSA: Don’t mix xanies with cocktails mid-air.

bridesmaids plane

This is salacious gossip, which I don’t typically include on the JUice especially if it has to do with the well-being of someone but since Selma already apologized and it was just a quick mixup, I decided to use it as a PSA for anyone who is a nervous flyer like myself. Know how your Xanax cocktail will make you react before you drop it down your throat mid-flight. Cause everything could go swell and you take a 2 hour nap, or you could end up like Selma here, shouting about getting your vagina burned off and exiting the plane on a stretcher. Jus sayin. The more you know. Also don’t try to email your doc for a quick scrip of anxiety meds just for one vacation because it doesn’t work. My sister already tried. (The same sister who went to her Pediatrician until they promptly kicked her out at age 22.) Tough stuff, lesson learned. Click here for Selma’s apology.

5. I Wanna Be That Song, Brett.

Brett’s newest music video where he’s a sexy retro baseball player is all of the swoons. ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND.

 

BONUS: PLEASE tell me Missy will come back with more than a feature in a Ghostbusters theme song by FallOut Boy. Seriously. I need the misdemeanor back in my life pronto.

 

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Red Carpet

Met Gala Red Carpet 2016

Welcome to the Met Gala, where all the tweens are invited and there’s always a weird theme that the Olsen Twins promptly ignore. This year’s theme was: Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology…whatever the F that means. Let’s judge.

Woof:

dakotajohnson

Kewl stars, Dakota.

Did Solange just dye last year’s dress yellow and add some latex leggings? #LEMONADE

emmaroberts

Not only is this a granny dress but her face is scarin me.

zendaya

THAT BOWL CUT THOUGH. DAMN.

jimmy

madonna

On what planet does anyone want to see Madonna’s nips or buhhole?

katy-perry

Katy Perry is quickly becoming the next Gaga with her dumb outfits and I will not go quietly into the night about this. I do miss my tamogatchi though.

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How does one accentuate their curves? By adding a bunch of buckles, apparently.

olsens

Ever the rebels, the twins show up in cloaks as per usual. Endless ciggs have been treating MK’s face well. She looks suuupes youthful.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

What fresh hell is this seaweed dress, Cindy Lou Who hair combo, Lupey?

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Beyonce looks good because she always looks good but I hate this dress. The color, the latex, not for me. SARRY guess I’m just Becky with the good hair.

kimye

Kim doesn’t look tha worst, but Kanye VIBES West ruined it.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

I feel bad consistently putting Kris on the worst dressed, because you can tell she tries so hard but like, let your daughters outshine you and retire the choker.

MET Gala 2016

Speaking from someone with 100% natty boobs, I don’t know if it’s normal for fake tits to sit at someone’s throat but something isn’t right here, LaLa.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

Just, wtf is this. Save this bad boy for a 4th of July beach cover-up.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

If she had covered her bodice more I would’ve been down with this because the silver feathers are elegant. But I can live without seeing your crack whisper out of the tailfeather.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

This year’s sponsored by Hefty, Trash Bag Edition.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Following up the garbage bag dress, here’s random recyclables sewn togets.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Do Less.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Hey Ciara, every man above 60 called and they want their toup back:

karl

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

Love that the feathers weren’t enough, there also needed to be a majestic butterfly fluttering across this gown.

MET Gala 2016

I looked right at this outfit and had to do a double take thinking it was 15 years ago and Jen Lindley was attending the ball.

jenbangs

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

What’s happening here?

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

Furrever 15.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

This looks like a costume from Practical Magic.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

I mean, typs for Gaga.

jaredleto

Never wear a white tux if you’re a white and that’s obvious.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

I can’t even look at this dress because it feels like Katie is staring into my soul.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

It’s possible Karlie landed on the worst dressed purely out of jealousy.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

HEY Kerry’s preggers again. Also she’s attending a Halloween party.

Yaasss:

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This pose made me laugh for several minutes and I’m not afraid to admit it. The look is actually great, especially for hairy, scary Lorde, but that side head is outrageous.

brielarson

Brie’s closing out a hot red carpet season with this sparkler.

emmastone

I’m digging the dark locks on Emma. Plus this dress honors the theme without being outrageous.

Irachel-mcadams

I think I drooled looking at this picture. Nbd.

amyschumer

I wish her hair wasn’t so erect but the dress is hot stuff.

ninadobrev

This dress is flattering in every way.

rami-malek

I’ve got a thang for blue tuxes.

clairedanes

Cinderella, IRL. Going to a rave:

daneslightupnickjonas

Looking dapper as always. WONDER IF HIM AND KHUD SMOOCHED.

gigizayn

This is some robot fairytale shit. GiGi looks like a smoke and Zayn is her literal knight in shining armor.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

Alessandra’s dress is just the right amount of weird and also it looks comfy AF.

ansel-elgort

That smolder though. Panty flooder.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Didn’t even need to include the pic with Jeets because Hannah knocks my socks off all on her own.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Sometimes Chloe has a tendency to dress like she’s straight out of a Delia’s catalogue but I like this look on her.

MET Gala 2016

Scary goth face, pretty dress.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

I wish I could wear this dress. Like, anywhere. What a beautiful fairy.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

Demi has looked fierce as hell in every appearance ever this year.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Mindy’s lookin fresh and possibly has a keyboard clutch?

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

This dress is from H&M, so that us commoners can also dress for a ball.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

I’m torn on this. On the one hand, she looks like a sassy sailor, on the other hand she’s wearing white clam diggers at a ball. You decide.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

This kind of looks like trash gathered from a beach but I like it and I bet it’s comfy to lay in.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

Kendall maintains as best dressed Jenner/Kardash

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

Never did I think the day would come when I’d toss a compliment Kylie’s way but she really cleaned her shit up. She looks classy and essentially is wearing the same dress as Kim and looks a bajillion times better. Take notes, Kimmy.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Let your hurrr downnn!!!

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Kate couldn’t even sit in this dress so that blows but she looks like a dime.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Adorbs

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

From the neck down, I’m all over this shit. From the neck up, I’d like to gauge my eyes out. Tay is edgy now and we need to accept it I guess, but the bleach bob NEEDS TO GO. Those shoes slay though.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

What bump? Olivia looks skinny as possible in this dress.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

TBH, I don’t really know what’s going on here but I know that her head/bustier looks fab so I just glossed over the maybe cape, maybe pants sitch down below.

blake

I mean, end with a bang of course. She doesn’t look preggers,

she just looks F-L-A-W-L-E-S-S

Standard