JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 9/18/17

1. Dave Grohl.

I’m gonna be honest, when Peyton and Brooke wrote Dave Grohl on the hot guys list on her closet door, I was like meh, seems like such a Peyton “I’m a brooding emo rocker” thing to do, I don’t really see it. And then I see him do an interview or watch a live performance and I’m like YUP. I get it.

One Tree Hill Character Quotes

In kind of related but not really news, I gave two weeks notice at my job, which has landed me in the sweet spot that everyone must find themselves in at some point where you have two weeks of kind of pointless time at your job. You’re finishing things up but not really starting something new, because why start something new when you’ll just have to hand it off anyway. And thus, I found myself putting my feet up and watching this lengthy carpool karaoke on full screen while at work. Sorry not sorry. Whatever, it was a good one. I mean seriously, how often do you hear of someone having their broken ankle/leg held in place so he can finish out a concert? Baller status.

2. Audrina pulls an Audrina.

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So apparently Audrina and Australian Corey are getting a divorce BUT the real JUice lies in the fact that she also has a restraining order against him. They have a baby and got married a few months after she was born but it’s now coming out that he’s been abusive for essentially their whole 10 year on and off relashe. Not to make light of abuse because it is certainly not funny, but while reading an article on People covering the news, Audrina LITERALLY quotes that she thought having a baby and getting married would make him better. Insert thinking face emoji x a billion. Also again, not to add fuel to the fire, but as a devout Hills fan who watched Justin Bobby LITERALLY make out with a hideous red head right in Audrina’s grillpiece and then have her continue to date him for a few more years….yiiiiiiikes.

3. NIALL ❤

Even though I once declared that Zayn won the post-1D solo act, I’m willing to go back on my word and admit I was wrong. It’s like all Niall needed was to get his braces off and he’s full blown man now. All of his solo hits have been ah-mah-zing and he’s just so mature and soulful now. Between the old man scally cap that he casually wears to pints with his mates and the straight on-camera stare at the end, I was like whoa, Niall is here to stay.

4. BTS Pile full of Tays.

Remember when this video came out and I was genuinely like, I studied film and still don’t understand how she did this pile and made it look so realistic? Yeah, well I wish I didn’t learn. Because it made it 100% less cool. Come on Taylor, leave a little mystery there. Also, you don’t need to make yourself more relatable by acting awkward. We know you’re awkward, gurl. Let us enjoy LWYMMD for what it is…you clapping back and looking like a real badass dime. DON’T RUIN IT.

5. Full House of Lies.

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It’s the 30th anniversary of the premiere of Full House, expertly coinciding with the release of their third Netflix season of their hot garbage revival, Fuller House, and therefore the entire cast is raping the press this week trying to get more views so they can keep making unfunny television that sullies the Full House reputation. Regardless of all that… Jodie Sweetin just admitted via some interview that she’s never seen a full episode of Full House and I CALL BULLSHIT. I mean COME ON-you were on the show for how many years and now there’s a full revival of it?! How ridiculous is that to not have been able to fit in one single 20 minute episode in the past 30 years. And I love her bullshit Hollywood excuse of, oh we don’t have cable. SO?! YOU WERE IN THE ACTUAL SHOW. Bets are you got a DVD set at some point! This whole thing just enrages me and I’m wondering if I’m just taking out my disappointment in Fuller House on Steph because she said something stupid. Could be, but I WON’T TAKE IT BACK.

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Weekly JUice

Week of 9/19/2016

I’m doing a JUice this week…for OBVIOUS reasons.

1. Dusty Rose Levine. Congrats on your baby girl Adam and Behati, also congrats on naming her an adjective to describe a situation where things are dirty. Oh there’s a cobweb in the corner and a lot of leftover dirt piled up. That’s just our daughter Dusty. In a world (Hollywood) full of asshole names, this HAS to take the cake. And it’s not even because my family and I have spent an entire year calling things we don’t like “dust”. Although that certainly plays a factor. It’s also because whenever I hear the “name” Dusty, I will forever and always immediately think of Chris Brander with a mouth full of blood and probably a few teeth, spitting out “Dusty Lee” in fear.

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But yeah, Dusty Rose will definitely never get made fun of for that name. Snaps for you.

2. RiP Brangelina. There’s no way I could’ve done a JUice without including this. When the news broke on Tuesday, I got scooped so hard that I was real bitter about it. My former co-worker who used to make fun of my sister and I for how much celebrity gossip we knew was the first to announce it to me and I was in utter distress. What made it worse was that I was at work and couldn’t keep tabs on all the best Rachel Green gifs flying around as a response. Work sucks, I know. (Little callback to the Blink days, you’re welcome for that.)

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Even though I was PEZZED about not being the first to break the news–and you better bet once I was scooped I took out my megaphone and broke it to everyone around me at work. Unfortunately no one cared but whatevs, I still got the satisfaction. ANYWAY, this news wasn’t in the least bit surprising. Even Jen, the angel (and smokeshow) that she is, was like yeah I saw this coming. It took A LOT longer than anticipated, but we all knew that cheating on your wife and then getting stuck with a bazillion kids is not the way to rebound and Pitt would be over it sooner or later. Rumors are flying around town that he cheated with Marion Cotillard (she’s preggers and it’s not Brad’s so supposedly everyone can buzz off about that theory.) Now he’s under investigation for like shouting at his kids on a plane or something. Look, if the FBI could investigate parents for discipline then we can open the book on my entire childhood when spanking was still a thing. I once hid in my own closet to avoid a spanking. Typs child move though, go to the one place where there’s no escape, to hide. That’s why kids are dumb AF. But regardless, this will play out for like probably the next six months so pop your popcorn and buckle in. And as if it wasn’t blatantly obvious already: HASHTAG TEAM JEN. Seriously she won this breakup like forever ago.

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3. Dad Jokes. 

You know what’s super embarrassing? Being 13 and having your dad do LITERALLY ANYTHING near you. I said EWWW so many times when my dad spoke in my teen years that he used to beat me to it after everything he did. You know what’s even MORE embarrassing? Having your dad, formerly known as MARKY MARK rap about spanking you on a live radio show. YIIIIIIIIKES, Ella. I bet you regret telling dear ole dad to spit a few bars once he threw that down and then to add insult to injury outed you for losing your phone privileges. That’s like, social suicide. Ella can’t go back to school ever again unless you want her sitting in the bathroom at lunch and that’s obvious. Dad better hand out free Wahlburgers to smooth everything over. Also, I’m going to guess that Ella won’t be able to get a boy to call that contraband cell phone of hers until she’s like 35 with Mahk “I could’ve stopped 9/11” Wahlberg as her father.

4. Merry Christmas from the Tanners. Fuller House just dropped on Netflix in like April of 2016 and everyone “loved” it so much that they’re already announcing season 2 to arrive in early December. TWO SEASONS OF FULLER HOUSE IN ONE YEAR? WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE THIS? We laughed at terribly written and really bitter Olsen twins jokes. That’s what we did. Shame on all of you. I watched Fuller House because I’m a sucker for comebacks and I wanted to believe it would be great. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t. It turns out you can’t replicate 90’s gold like a toddler calling a stranger a cheesehead. Shout out to Michelle.

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Fun fact: Full House also premiered 29 years ago this week and what’s impressive about that is last weekend I did a 90’s themed pub crawl wearing a Jesse and the Rippers tee and the majority of our competitors still referenced Forever. Because gr8 music and mullets never die. Let’s forget about the tacky DJ sequel and just live in a world where shirtless Uncle J can ask the sky just what we have…and it will show forever.

5. RYAN GOSLING.

These are the same thing every time but like honestly though, any time we get a coveted appearance from the Gos himself, it deserves it’s own slot on the JUice. Same goes for JT, duhs. Unfortunately he has exclusivity with JFall and probably will never be in one of these.

BONUS: Let’s laugh at people falling.

I’m posting this because like every other BB this summer, I had Closer on repeat. I even went so far as to name my summer pics FB album “We ain’t ever getting older” becuase it’s a personal goal of mine to never get older. Bottom line is that last week I learned that The Chainsmokers are a coupla frat boy doucheronis via their Billboard interview where they talked about how their music is better than God and all they do is drink and get laid. KEWL. The hot one even had the balls to say that MTV screwed him over by having him sing live at the VMA’s and choke real hard. That was your decision to sing amongst an entire show full of lip syncers. Sorry your voice isn’t good, dude. Anyway, if you want to give a lot of dirty looks to your computer, read their full article HERE! Otherwise, just enjoy the above tumble from THE GREATEST MUSICIANS OF ALL TIME. Closer still bangs though.

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Weekly JUice

Week of 8/15/16

1. What Would Ryan Lochte Do? Lie about being robbed at the Olympics, apparently. It’s a real shame his reality show got cancelled because ratings would have soared through the roof for this shit.

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Ryan Lochte, the bro who showed up with frosted hair, wore grillz at his gold medal ceremony and trademarked the catchphrase “Jeah”, claims he was robbed at gunpoint and when the robber told him to get on the ground he turned into Duane, otherwise known as Kimmy Gibbler’s hamlet and cheese.

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Then he skipped on outta Rio with his lady friend. Not so fast, RyRy because it seems like you messed with the wrong corrupt country. Rio smelled a rat and yanked Lochte’s swimming  buddies off their plane to question them. Can you imagine having to be a sidekick to Ryan Lochte and then ON TOP OF THAT, getting held back in a country that had dead bodies washing up on the shores just because you had a few too many beers and decided to go along with your drunk friend’s dumb story?! The real events have finally surfaced today and it entails drunk bros vandalizing a gas station bathroom. So it turns out Lochte was just getting in front of the story. What looks really bad? Headlines about American Olympians (some might say heroes) going on a boozy tirade at a gas station. What looks really good? Them getting robbed at gunpoint and surviving. Round of applause for that spin zone, Ryan. You really sold it AKA you created a conflict between Rio and the US, made your buddies pay to leave the country and now look like an even bigger doofus than you did before.

grillz PS If you & your boys wear Yeezy’s out on the town in Rio and brag about it on social media, you 100% deserve to be robbed at gunpoint forrealz.
lochte yeezy

Double PS, my very last final in college (shout-out to Olympics class) was the question “What is Ryan Lochte’s catchphrase?” So not to brag but I have a college degree AND I once bubbled in “C: Jeah” for an actual grade. This seemed like a fitting time to toss that story into the mix, because it’s embarrassing, but not quite as humiliating as making up a crime and creating an international incident over it.

A post shared by Ryanlochte (@ryanlochte) on

2. Whatever, Simone Biles.

😘🌹

A post shared by Simone Biles (@simonebiles) on

I mean the minute this bid started yapping about how much she LOVED Zac Efron and had a fullsize cutout of him (creep, much?) I was like yeah some talk show is going to cash in on having them meet. I didn’t think they would fly Zac out to the actual Olympics, but whatever. Hey Simone, you just won a bajillion gold medals…LEAVE SOME FOR THE REST OF US. Ugh, whatever. Not bitter or anything. But like seriously? The video is pushing it. We get it. You guys kissed a lot for Instagram. Call me when he sticks his tongue down your throat.

on cloud 9 💙☁️ @zacefron

A post shared by Simone Biles (@simonebiles) on

3. Biebz is off the grid. I’ve been saying it ever since Biebs went in on fans taking his picture and strolled barefoot around the Boston Common…pop your popcorn because he’s on the fast track to a Britney/Lohan/Amanda Bynes worthy meltdown. It always starts with the fame-hating and spirals from there. Some take it to head-shaving levels, others tweet about Drake murdering their vag. To each his own. It seems as though we’ve got a classic case of everyone stop judging my life and I for one can’t wait to see where this goes.

To catch up anyone who doesn’t follow tween drama–Biebs has been whoring out Lionel Ritchie’s daughter, Sophie (who is basically Kylie Jenner 2.0) and he’s getting pretty sad panda that no one wants to see his latest bae vomited all over InstaG. So he threatened to delete and that’s when Selena hopped in to be like hey guess what no one wants to see your bang buddies, stop being so dramats, your fans love you. Obviously there was some bickering via Instagram comments. Justin replied with, you used me for fame (no disrespect) and there were some cheating allegations tossed back and forth. Realistically this part was like watching your trashy high school friends air their dirty laundry on a facebook status and everyone weighing in on it. It was entertaining for like 3 minutes then we all decided to go out and live our lives. Then Biebs deleted his Insta and Selena’s all:

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(Cue the Selena H8) WHOA. THE THREATS WERE REAL. BIEBS IS OUT. No more pics of his hoes in different area codes for us! WHAT WILL WE DO WITHOUT THEM?! Rejoice in the fact that we’re one step closer to a Bieber Meltdown, THAT’S WHAT WE’LL DO.

4. Can Ryan Cabrera replace Biebs?

As one of the OG boytoys with spiky hair, I’d much prefer to have Ryan back on the scene and Biebs off. This song sounds kinda like something JB would drop, except I actually like Ryan, so I will listen to this on repeat for the rest of the month and hope that once he gets off his My2K tour, he’s back in our lives for good. Bonus points: this island beat makes me believe summer will last forever. HORNZ ON HORNZ. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO FULL SONG.

5. The ChadBear will do more than shit his pants on TV. 

chadbear

I guess Chad didn’t want his lasting legacy to be taking a dump directly in his shorts on Bachelor in Paradise, so somehow he’s secured a cameo on the upcoming ABC Family sensational hit: Ben & Lauren: Happily Ever After. Does it make any sense? Of course not, and there you have the reasoning behind every paid appearance from a Bachelor(ette) alum, ever. Probably one of the smartest PR moves to be made though. That show was a shoe-in to be a dud and now that people hear Chad’s name associated with it, it will be appointment television. I’m already locked in to see what will go down. Call me a sucker for Chad, I don’t care, I’m all in–especially considering the only time Ben and Chad have ever been brought up in the same sentence was this:

chadhatesben

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 2/29/16

1. The Museum of MK&A.

winninglondon

Shout out to Lindsey for tipping me off to a kickstarter that funds a museum dedicated to the Olsen twins. Unfortuantely, upon further research I learned that this pitch BLOWS and I will be personally offended if anyone donates money to it. Instead of creating a 90’s utopia where everyone is required to wear bucket hats and pastel tinted shades, where you can watch unlimited “You’re Invited” movies, put anything your heart desires on a pizza and shop til you drop in the Magical Mystery Mall (did I just create Heaven or WHAT?!)…these two morons are raising money to display paintings of MK&A dodging the paps in NYC. No seriously, here are some examples…it’s BLASPHEMY.

2. Country Fire Flames.

It’s beginning to be that acceptable time of year where I don’t get downright depressed when listening to country music because it’s the dead of winter. Now that we’re getting closer around the bend to nice weather, I’m happy to bump this new jam from Jake Owen and pretend I live somewhere warm and full of southern gents.

3. Nothing is sacred. 

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High School Musical 4 is in the works because WE CAN’T JUST LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE. Seriously? High School Musical worked because when it came out the Disney channel was still cool and their original movies still rocked real hard. Now, the disney channel’s leading show is a fakeout sequel of Boy Meets World that really is just about two weird and annoying 6th graders who wear heels every day to middle school. Stop ruining shit, Disney. You’ve done enough.

4. Blue Ivy Rulez, Everyone else Droolz.

Look, we can dump all over the halftime show all we want but don’t say Uncle Chris tossin Blue Ivy around didn’t just explode your ovaries, ladies. Seriously, be cuter. YOU CAN’T.

5. Fuller House Season 2 Confirmed.

I’m not going to sugarcoat it. I got Fuller House over with as fast as I possibly could. The writer who said it was the worst pilot this year wasn’t being ridiculous. It really was. What’s even funnier is that Stamos is now teasing an Olsen twins comeback for the second season. They pretty much took a dump all over the twins in several very pointed and unfunny lines of dialogue in Fuller House so what they should be hoping for is the twins’ decision not to sue them. I don’t think they’ll be returning for season 2….I encourage everyone to watch this show so I can have a compadre to make fun of it with but other than that…no. Just no.

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Bonus: Obviously it was a light week for the JUice…but on the good news side of things, The Salty Ju is currently working on expanding into the business world of the internet…and by that I mean I’m working on selling my suuuuper KEWL pop culture-y mugs for all ya’ll. So get revved up for the debut of that next week. I know, I know… how are you supposed to sleep all weekend knowing that’s coming atcha?

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 12/14/15

HEAVY video week. Hope you have headphones at work 🙂

1. Fuller House Sets the date!

After teasing at this show for months and months salivating over what characters would come back and where to set our expectations…we finally have a short trailer and release date. Look, I went into this reallllll nervous with PTSD flashbacks to the Boy Meets World-Girl Meets World transition. But Netflix knew that. And so they tugged right at my heart strings with the Miranda Lambert song and flashes of the iconic house. There’s even a Comet 2.0. Now I’m amped. February 26th can’t come soon enough. (If you want to get even more excited, check out my blog about what characters NEED to come back HERE.)

2. 1D Gives us 1LastGift. 

Before going on hiatus for (ever?) a while… 1D gives us the gift that keeps on giving here. Everyone who reads my blog knows that James Corden could do carpool karaoke with a rock and it would be my favorite thing ever made. Obviously he’s been trying to squeeze his way into the band for some time now and this was no different. Props for his rap segment. Also sucks to suck for the double L sandwich in the backseat. With the amount of greasy hair flipping that Harry did in addition to wailing every high note I’m gonna guess it’s not gr8 to be roadtrip buddies with him. Harry rides bitch like nobody else. Ain’t nobody gonna stop him from shining.

3. Jason Derulo is Magic Mike.

I know that music videos aren’t that hip anymore and not a lot of people like watching them but if you don’t watch 30 seconds of this and walk away impressed by Jason’s dance swag then we can’t be friends. I saw him live this summer (fo free, yasss) and he put on a SHOW. He didn’t stop moving the entire concert and it was beyond impressive. It didn’t hurt that he took his shirt off and flaunted those washboard abs either but whatevs. That’s why he’s Magic Mike IRL. I can always appreciate a fresh dancer because my moves begin and end with a side step and a head bop.

4. Will Ferrell as New Santa.

It’s been a while since we’ve had a Fallon clip on the JUice and it seemed right this week. Will Ferrell is constantly popping up on the show in weird costumes and doing random bits but this one made me giggle a little. As a “modern” santa (that gives off Guy Fieri vibes), Will talks about his love of Smashmouth while he fires off a t-shirt gun. Oh Santa, you’re such a bruh.

5. WOOK AT DA WITTLE BABIES.

A normal Friday Night Lights throwback pic is the best of the best. An FNL throwback pic where Riggins is wearing a silk shirt haphazardly buttoned? Game changer.

BONUS: Merry Christmas from the most beautiful Royals ever to exist.

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 Have a nice weekend. Something, something, May The Force Be With You…

JK go see Sisters this weekend.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 11/2/15

1. Ohhhhhhh, ah, ahhhhhhhhh this is ALLL THATTT, this is ALLLL THAAATTT. The OG cast of ALL THAT! reunited recently at Comikaze and I didn’t recognize anyone but Laurie Beth Denberg and Kel soooo yiiikkkeessss. But they were really excited to be famous again for a hot second and they all sang the entire theme song, originally done by TLC of course. Some of them also made an appearance at Comicon in October to throw it back to their famous characters and tell stories from back in the day so it will only be a matter of time until someone ships an All That official reunion or revival. One person we know won’t be joining in is Amanda Bynes, for obvious reasons. Also it’s been 20 years since the premiere of All That so bye, I’m ancient. I sincerely hope that piece of JUice was vital information for your every day life.

2. Say Hello To Your Friends…Babysitters Club. 

I feel like there will never be a week where I don’t include 90’s reunions because it’s all the rage these days. Sarry not sarry bout it that the 90s were the shit. Your favorite kid-loving, business-minded girlies reunited in Austin, TX this week. Why? Oh, cause it’s also their 20th anniversary….woo00oooff. They all cuddled around each other and reminisced on the days when they spent a whole summer playing with snot-nosed kids. Who would ever choose that. But anyway, noticeably missing was Claudia–did they freeze her out because she almost didn’t pass that science test? (The brain, the brain, the center of the chain.) The girls are seen cozying up to Cokie Mason, so I guess they settled their differences with her. More importantly what does Logan look like now? Is he still a dreamboat. So many questions, most will never be answered. Oh, awkward, I guess one of my questions was just answered by the below tweet. HOW DO YOU LOSE A HUMAN?

this. is. the. best. here we come #drafthouse #bscreunion

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3. Jason Derulo is on even when he’s hungover. 

Leave it to Jason to be clubbin it up until 6am and still be on fire with energy and charisma the next day. James Corden takes singers out for carpool karaoke every once in a while and it’s pretty much always hilarious but it’s not a secret that I have a monster crush on Jason Derulo and if you also do, then this 10 minute video is must-see-TV. When I’m in my car alone I like to refer to it as a concert and you better believe I’m hitting every high note. When someone else joins me in the car I immediately tone it down to whisper singing obviously because they haven’t paid the proper admission for my angel octaves. The fact that James Corden is driving with the actual singer of the music he’s listening to and he’s not holding back is awesome. No shame. Except for maybe those orthopedic sneaks he’s rocking during the dance scene.

4. Good news for your whiny emotional 13 year old self.

Good Charlotte is making a comeback. It’s possible that you might be thinking they have a more mature sound now that they’re both married adults, one with two children. Nope they sound exactly the same as the two whiny bitches who sang about murdering a girl’s boyfriend so they could be together. If you ever went through an emo punk rock phase in middle or high school you will rejoice in their new song. Here’s a peep at the chorus: “Like I’m dying tonight and the whole world is laughing, like everyone I love has gone away.” It’s such a shame that AIM doesn’t exist anymore because that would be a perfect away message for a rainy day…ending of course in LIFE’S A BITCH AND THEN YOU DIE. If you’re feeling like you might be a little too old and more emotionally well-adjusted with life to join Good Charlotte on their second musical journey, feel free to look back on the top angsty hits of your past years with my killer playlist here!

5. RHOBH New Season is Upon Us. 

And the most interesting part about this trailer is Gigi Hadid & Joe Jonas canoodling. No. Seriously. Not even Andrea Bocelli announced in YoYo’s fabulous accent could distract from the 1 second of teenage superstar interaction. Since everyone wanted to murder Brandi and her only ally on the show went back into rehab, we are down two characters which means of course that we will have two separate staged “hey thanks for coming over everyone, I want you to meet my friend blah blah blah, I think she will get along great in our group.” One would think after so many different cities and season of the Housewives franchise, Andy would have found a better way to assimilate new cast members into the group they’re being paid to hang out with on camera, but whateva. I will be recapping until I want to stab my eyes out. At least I still have my girl Yo to keep me sane.

BONUS: Becky & Jesse are forever the cool aunt & uncle.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 7/20/15

1. Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton win runner up in July’s front page celeb divorce race. 

Miranda-Lambert-Blake-Shelton-Kissing-Pictures

If we’re going to rate the level of shock I was feeling at this announcement it’s probably falling around a 6, whereas my Ben/Jen shock level was at an 11. Ever since these two got married there’s been rumors of a divorce so that kind of paved the way for preparations. Don’t get me wrong they’re cute as shit together and it sucks that this happened, but in the wise words of my mother when she saw them at the Grammy’s together one year “Those two are going to get divorced right? They both seem like they want the spotlight and that doesn’t work in a marriage.” (Obviously she was forgetting about One Tree Hill…Naley <3, popstar+pro athlete=always&forever) ANYWAY it just seemed like maybe it wouldn’t really work out. RIP. Here’s hoping for some kickass breakup tunes from Miranda. Too soon?

2. Twitter Beef City, Population: Everyone. So like MTV, music videos and the PRESTIGIOUS VMA’s became relevant again this week in a big way as Nicki Minaj hopped aboard the WAHmbulance and tweeted mad shade because her music video full of buhholes (for a song that was a Baby Got Back remix) did not get nominated for video of the year. Anyway her complaint was that girls with donks don’t get no VMA love and Taylor was like excuse me but there’s no need for girl on girl hate and Nicki was like pshhh you’re not getting my point that I didn’t very clearly make in 160 characters or less and then the internet was like NICKI AND TAYLOR ARE PLOTTING EACH OTHER’S MURDERS when in reality no one was really mad at each other. They both luh and respect the other and made nice on twitter and Taylor told Nicki that she could TOTES join her onstage when she wins (cause she will.) Oh and also Katy Perry was like FOMO guys I need to also be included in this so she tweeted something incoherent with a lot of big words. Bai Katy. Go back to being a cheeto forever.

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Ed Sheeran and Bruno Mars (also best video of the year nominees) had a fake twitter feud to be like HAHA girls are stupid, let’s make fun of their petty internet fights. If you’re asking me for my opinion (which I assume you ALWAYS are) Ed deserves the W for video of the year. He learned how to ballroom dance like a BO$$ for this music video and it’s CRAZY good.

Although I feel like I recapped that fight flawlessly for those who missed it…you may reference the actual tweets below (well…the ones that haven’t been deleted, I’m looking at you Tay PR) for the full picture.

OH part 2 of twitter feuds this week was in the rap world, Meek Mill (I think Nicki Minaj’s other half?…apparently date night for them is calling people out on Twitter) got all up in Drake’s biz and ranted about how he hates him or something and that he uses a ghostwriter, which I’m not positive but I think using a ghostwriter in rap speak is like the biggest diss in America or so it seems. Also Meek’s pretty pezzed that Drake was featured on his album and didn’t also promote it on social media. Drake responded the best way possible…with radio silence. Drake OBVIOUSLY wins. Also if he does use a ghost writer I don’t want to know. I’d like to blissfully live in a world where a man who wears colorful knit sweaters also wrote this: “I got money to blow, letting these bills fall all over your skin.”

3. Miley to host the VMA’s. 

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No seriously, I wasn’t kidding when I said the VMA’s suddenly became relevant again this week. Miley announced she was hosting in a very typical ughhhh Miley way and I’m not even a little bit kidding when I say that I might not be able to stomach an entire awards show with this tongue-out trashmonster at the helm. Not even for the blog’s sake. Never forget: the epic N*SYNC comeback being OVERSHADOWED by Miley and Robin Thicke porking onstage to Blurred Lines. So instead of encouraging this…I will bring us back to what was once good about the VMA’s and this is how I will get through my afternoon in the cube.

4. Brett gives us a tasty lick and other new tunes. Preview of new music from Brett Eldredge who I would looooove to have “just a taste” of. Too much? Too little? Just enough? Listen here. MKTO also snuck out a new banger pre-release style and it’s good shit.

5. If Kelly Clarkson sings Bye, Bye, Bye without choregraphy, did it even happen? JK I’ll cut her a break because she did a slower version but actually…how does one sing the words bye, bye, bye and not at least do the hand part? It’s physically impossible. Not to brag but I did this number for karaoke in my last week of college and yelled crushed it at the end as I threw the mic back to the DJ. Why did I crush it? Because I did the choregraphy. Duh.

BONUS: The Broadway version of Full House is a thing that’s happening and I’m getting all the uncomfies just from the cast pic:

FULLHOUSEMUSICAL_Official_1

Makes perfect sense that Michelle is the same age as her Uncle Jesse and also what’s so funny Deej?

And because I could never end on that note and leave you with Full House porn nightmares…please enjoy this super cute fat face baby pic from hunk Scott Eastwood.

#TBT to when I woke up like this. #makemyplayday #babyeastwood #bluesteel #chubby

A post shared by Scott Eastwood (@scotteastwood) on

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