Country, Red Carpet

CMA’s Red Carpet 2018

I didn’t get a chance to watch the CMA’s but I can pretty much guarantee Carrie Underwood’s face looked the same as it did 10 years ago but there will be 90 thinkpieces on her first hosting gig POST-FALL.

WORST

52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals, Nashville, USA - 14 Nov 2018

It’s bad enough that it’s Hallmark Holiday szn and Alicia Witt and her dumpster acting is on my TV every time I turn it on, now she’s gotta invade country too?! What fresh hell is this?!

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

I want the high Angelina Jolie slit to be done. There I said it. I feel better.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

My sister and I saw Brett in concert this fall and noticed that he has an aversion to pants that reach his ankles. It has now become a running joke that he only wears capris (including his own wedding) and it’s good to see that even in colder weather, he lets his socks shine in favor of pants that fit.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

I get the feeling that they’re going for the velvet matchy matchy thing even though I don’t know if this dress is velvet and I don’t approve.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

The first few times I looked at this I thought the top part was camo. Honestly, if it was I think I’d appreciate it more. Instead, it looks like a bad prom dress from Deb.

52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals, Nashville, USA - 14 Nov 2018

I feel like this is a little dark for the CMA’s. Smokey eye on a hundred billion.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

Hey guys, look it’s that plain bagel Lauren B making her couple debut with Chris Lane. What a weird choice to wear for this occasion. It’s like she knew I was going to call her a plain bagel and wanted to toss a curveball in the form of a beaded veiny coral dress into the mix. Also, Chris is wearing his pajamas.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

We get it, you’re hot and have a good body…thanks for showing us your undies.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

This color looks lovely but I can’t get down with a mermaid dress. SARRY.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

Kewl hip cutout, Maren.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

I mean it literally looks like we can see Jennifer’s spanx underneath her dress. Why would that be a desirable style?

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

OK are those non-slip sneaks that people who work in a kitchen wear? Is Russell trolling us?!

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

I don’t need a slit from your neck to your belly button under any circumstances. I will say, however, that her legs look SO skinny in those pants. It’s almost like an optical illusion except that I know she probably has a thigh gap.

BEST

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

The same yellow Kellie wore but no mermaid and I LIKE IT.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE PREGNANT DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN’T SHOW OFF THE MONEYMAKERS. This dress is fine and whimsical and all and obviously she looks good but like stop hiding your stems from the world, Carrie.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

I’m loving all these blues to match THOSE EYES.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

That pattern crisscrossing at the waist is super flattering in making her look skinny AF. Props on that.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

WHOA WHOA WHOA what do we have here?! Dennis Quaid going bad boy country on us?! YES DADDY! (To be honest that was my first time using daddy unironically and even though I laughed to myself about it for far too long, it still feels a little wrong. The leather jacket made me do it.)

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

Honestly I’ve ripped Dustin a million times before because he wears the same thing every red carpet and I think I’m finally flipping the switch and starting to respect it. Glitter jacket and a Crest toothpaste ad smile. Do it up, yo.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

I’m not really sure what’s going on with this two jacket sitch but the pink fur is pretty baller.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

The CMA’s red carpet is not an occasion to bring your infant. Glossing over that huge detail, this is the best I’ve ever seen Tyler look and I wanted to give him cred for that because he usually looks like he’s dressing for a white trash bash except that’s how he really dresses. Fatherhood has matured him. Wifey could use a little work.

52nd Annual CMA Awards, Arrivals, Nashville, USA - 14 Nov 2018

Kneejerk reaction is to put this fool on the worst dressed and be like wtf were you thinking. But the fact that he’s owning this so hard and you can tell he LOVES this outfit made me put him on best dressed. Confidence is through the roof and he’s even working the pockets. I guess I’m going soft. Also I’m all about the leather hat. Always have been, always will be.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

No clue what her straps say but I love a fun party dress and may or may not be biased because she stars in my all time favorite show. GURL POWER.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

Boldest color on the carpet and she’s pulling it offfffff.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

This is so classy and elegant it almost doesn’t belong at the CMA’s.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

I LOVE THIS. Princess vibez for life.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

Obviously Luke always looks good even though he only sings slow sad songs now and he never shakes his ass in a backwards hat anymore. RIP. Gone2Soon.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

I dig that the older generation of country went for elegant ballroom looks. Keeps things spicy amongst the sparkles and cowboy hats.

52nd Annual CMA Awards, Arrivals, Nashville, USA - 14 Nov 2018

This should be known as the red carpet blog of penance as I’m giving kudos to those who I constantly shit all over. Scotty, your jacket is sparkly and I’m into it.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

Saved the best for last obv.

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Country, Television

American Country Countdown Awards Recap

Hey didn’t you guys know that if you’re a country fan you get 100 awards show per year? Well gr8 news, they just added this one into the mix. In it’s first year, broadcast on Fox, it’s an awards show based off of the country countdown that airs weekly via Kix Brooks. (I’m guessing this is a southern thing because I’ve honestly never heard this countdown once in my life). Anyway there’s no better time to air a trial-run awards show than when all the network shows are on break. The format of these awards is that they’re all fan-voted and have been solicited via the artists on twitter for weeks now asking for votes. Each award is announced with 5 “nominees” ranked by how many votes they got and the number one or the winner then performs and accepts the award post-performance. I tuned in (full disclosure: all to see Brett Eldredge perform and win) and decided to recap it because there were some great outfits and great performances…and of course some real bombs. As per usual, let’s take a peek at the highs and lows…but first, a few words about our hosts.

There’s no quicker way to make an awards show a train wreck than to have two country bros who strictly sing about getting high and drunk, host it all. Admittedly, I have been against FGL showing up at awards shows for as long as they’ve been disgracing fashion, country and men all over the world with their bedazzled vests that they consistently don’t wear shirts under. Don’t get me wrong, I love their music and it’s catchy AF but it’s a real struggle to watch these two live in action without cringing a whole lot. Exhibit A, BK and Ty enter the show and immediately strip off layers so that they’re just wearing wife beaters, setting the tone for a real fashionable hosting gig. Then they each proceed to use the word “brother” after every thing that they read from the prompter. (Sort of like the Hulk but a little less rapey.) Don’t worry though, they mention the open bar twice in their intro comments and with that they’ve welcomed you to what will henceforth be known as the White Trash Bash, official name change pending.

Highlights:

-Carrie Underwood starts the show off performing a medley of her greatest hits in a big blue ball gown. She’s wearing a power ring and belting out the high notes as the true hit-maker of country. Also they make sure to pan a camera to her hubby for any lyric that could be emotionally related to their baby.

carrie

-Maddie & Tae present for the FGL win/performance and they crush the sparkly mini look and make the creepster Scotty McCreery wish he could get with them. Put that tongue away, Scotty, nice try.

maddietae

-Reba McEntire wins the very first Nash Icon award, Miranda Lambert & Kelly Clarkson perform a tribute for her but since she ain’t dead, Reba hops right in on the action and the three of them perform “Fancy”. Although I’m not a Reba fan at all, the entire crowd was real into this performance, it was well done and fun to watch the joint bumpin. Miranda looked like a smoke for this performance (she had to make up for her earlier outfit…see “nightmares” list below)

reba

-Brett “Sex” Eldredge wins Song of the Year with “Beat of the Music” and performs it wearing an eggplant colored polka dot button down, top buttons undone much like myself when he took the stage. He is literally perfect. So it’s whatevs.

BRETTpurple

-Speaking of hot men…Chase Rice–where have you been all my life?

chaserice

-Although Kip Moore won the Breakthrough Artist of the Year despite the fact that he’s broken through and has been an established country singer for about 3 years now…I let it slide because he played “Hey Pretty Girl” (also an old song..but I digress) and they showed Carrie’s other half singing along real passionately and it was pretty adorbs. Even Carrie looked at him and was like aw that’s cute. (I’m assuming.)

-Lady A performs “Freestyle” plus a little bit of “Bartender” in front of the OPEN BAR, BROTHER. I digged it. These three always deliver the goods.

Nightmares:

-Luke Bryan wins Male Vocalist and performs “Roller Coaster.” I’ve had ENOUGH. The next time Luke performs a slow song at an awards show without a backwards hat and suggestive gyrating dance moves I’m going to be forced to turn the TV off. I will not support this for one more second. Get it together, Luke. On a more serious side, (and this belongs on the highlights list) after he accepted the award he gave a heartfelt thank you to the fans and all of his fellow country music stars for supporting him through another family loss a week or so ago and it got teary in here for a moment.

lukey

-FGL takes the stage to perform “Sun Daze” and Mullet is wearing a full camo outfit (cutoff obviously & cargo shorts), a camoutfit if you will, paired with red kicks. BK is wearing SWEATPANTS and a wife beater. SWEAT. PANTS. Thanks for dressing up for the occasion, boys.

Screen shot 2014-12-15 at 9.56.16 PM

-And along the same lines as super yucky outfits, Miranda performs a new song “Platinum” wearing a tacky sparkle slouch neck and knee length, acid washed, jean skirt. The song doesn’t do it for me but also I sincerely hope that no one expected me to focus on anything other than that abomination of a skirt. (She got the memo and pulled that shit together real quick for Reba’s performance.)

jirt

-Miss America or as we all know her, the girl that won a pageant by stealing the “Cups” scene from a movie that’s two years old, presented an award. Also FGL couldn’t pronounce her name. Shocking turn of events.

-Hunter Hayes is out past his curfew to present Album of the Year (Eric Church wins). Side Note: I’ve officially never seen Erich Church’s eyes because they’re always secured behind a pair of aviators because the sun never sets on cool?

-FGL swiftly ruins Christmas, or turns it into a holiday that Eddie from Christmas Vacation would attend, when they each turn Santa’s suit into cutoffs and make creepy sexual innuendos about his “sack”(camo of course). I wanted to set myself on fire.

santa

-Vince Vaughn fulfills the quota of person who absolutely doesn’t belong at this awards show. He’s apparently bros with Kenny Chesney & presents the Groundbreaker award to Ken-dawgs.

-There is no music to cut off the “thank you” speeches and it is sorely missed. Ramble city, population: everyone.

And there you have it. I would call it an all around successful awards show with equal parts highlights and nightmares. Until next time…I leave you with this.

brett

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Country, JUice, Music, Pop Culture, Television

Weekly JUice

1. Jimmy Fallon and wife Nancy welcome their second daughter. Surprise! Since their first daughter Winnie is adorbsies (a rare thing you’ll hear me say), I have high hopes for baby #2 except for the fact that they named her Frances Cole. Frances.Fallon. WHYYY?! I look forward to cute pics of the two girls dressed up in something fluffy and posing with Gary, the lovable Fallon pup. I act like Jimmy and I are best friends because I watch the Tonight Show…doesn’t everyone? Next up: fingers crossed for another JT appearance. It’s been almost a year and its unnacceptable. (that was completely unrelated to Jimmy having another baby, but it needed to be said.)

winnie winniejimmy

 

 

2. Jake Owen cut his signature long locks. Famous for bro country songs like Barefoot Blue Jean Night, Beachin, and Days of Gold, Jake is the epitome of surfer brah. Welp he no longer looks the part. He buzzed…and I’m not saying I supported his long hair wholeheartedly, but I grew to love that mom haircut of his and now I just don’t know what to think. I need a good front angle pic STAT to decide.

jakeowen

 

 

3. Blake Lively stepped out again on the red carpet with FLAWLESS maternity fashion. I’m not even exaggerating when I say that Blake is the hottest pregnant woman alive, just nailing it lately. (That statement is only sorta biased, everyone knows Blake is my #1 girl crush) This week she sported this tight black backless gown:

blackdress blakebackless

 

Let’s not forget the yellow gown from about a month ago:

blake

BAM. Lotta pressure for this baby to be the most beautiful creature on this earth.

 

4. Jana Kramer (formerly of One Tree Hill as Alex Dupre) now known for the woman who gets engaged every few months. You guessed it! Jana is engaged again, for the 4th time! Michael Caussin, NFL tight end (free agent) proposed a few days ago on Jana’s 31st birthday. They’ve been dating since August. If you’d like a brief recap, Jana was married in 2004 (divorced several months later), then again in 2009 to the actor famously known for the “I quit” scene in That Thing You Do (divorced 1 month later), most recently Jana was engaged to Brantley Gilbert, the trashiest of country singers, usually seen on red carpets wearing a bejeweled cross tee and black hat covering his eyes. They didn’t make it to the altar and broke off the engagement several months later. And here we are. Jana released her first single in a while over the summer that she has hashtagged to death called Love in which she sings “I still believe in wedding rings and bibles, I still believe the best walk you’ll ever take is walking down the aisle.” Well, girl would know…she’s an expert by now! (This may seem like a low blow but try following someone on social media who posts her own lyrics from one song for 6 months straight and then you might understand.)

Screen shot 2014-12-04 at 10.09.21 PM Screen shot 2014-12-04 at 10.09.57 PM

 

5. Aaron Carter continues to prove that he’s still obsessed with Hilary Duff and would like a second shot now that she’s single and he’s a washed up teen singer looking for a comeback and touring the country at 10 bucks a ticket. In the event that you weren’t a Disney tween like myself, Aaron Carter and Hilary Duff dated on and off from 2001-2003 until Lindsay Lohan got in the mix and Hil was like SEE YA. You’re better than that, Hil, good call. When Hil separated from her NFL hubbie Mike Comrie last year, Aaron tweeted his support with some not so subtle hints that she’s the love of his life and he’s gonna get her back. YIKES bro let it go. Well he hasn’t. He instagrammed this photo this week showing him pining over his teenage love by watching their teenage cheesy Christmas movie. Here’s hoping that Double A moves on soon and uses 2015 to pen some more jams like “Aaron’s Party (Come Get It)” and “That’s How I Beat Shaq”. BOOM. BOOM. I put it in the hoop like SLAM. SLAM.

Capture

The comments are lawlworthy

aaron-carter-1-300

Ah young love.

 

 

 

And just to get you revved for the weekend:

 

You’re welcome.

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Country, Music, Television

CMA’s Recap

cmas

Awards season dry spell is over, betches. If you’re a country fan and you fully committed to the 3 hour show (I’m going to assume not many of you) you can relive the highs and lows of last night right meow. If you missed the awards, you can skim through this and have something to discuss over your cubicle wall today. (Or if you’re me, cubicle window. Yeah guys, I get a cube window. BE JELLY.)

The opening performances went from blah to better. Kenny Chesney was first with a performance straight out of 1968. I’m shocked a hologram of Jimi Hendrix didn’t appear next to him to further the gimmick. It would’ve been nice if I had gotten the memo to drop acid before he took the stage, kinda rude don’t you think, ABC? I couldn’t even tell you what song Kenny played because I was just too distracted. The country hats and cowboy boots amidst the tie dye and school bus were a liiiiiitttle out of place. No worries though, quick rebound by transferring to Miranda Lambert and Megan Trainor doing a country version of All About That Bass. Great duet but the main takeaway here was that Miranda came in HOT trying to give Carrie a run for her money in the leg game. She challenged Carrie to defend the title. AND OF COURSE Carrie did. The great Leg-off of 2014 (see below). Okay I promise you that even though I sat through every single minute of this mostly snoozefest of a show, I will not give you a minute by minute recap. Here’s the breakdown–

carrie legs legs

Best Moments:

-Carrie’s outfit changes. Edge of my seat waiting to see what was next.

-The elephant in the room. Carrie & Brad address T. Swift in their opening monologue stating that Nashville is suffering from “Postpartum Taylor Swift Disorder”. Laughs are had at the expense of Nashville being thirsty Swifties. Our girl T may not have been country for a few years but it warmed my icy heart to see that no matter what country music has her back.

-Steven Tyler is the first presenter & has a jam sesh with Carrie and Brad to “Crying”. It was staged but still pretty great. Also Steven was wearing shoes and I think we can all appreciate that. (If you want nightmares google image search Steven Tyler’s feet)

-Brett Eldredge wins New Artist of the Year and I listened to his acceptance speech with my eyes glued to the TV and a creepy grin on my face. He 100% deserves it and I’m proud of my future husband for snagging that award.

-Brad spends a few minutes of his hosting duty eating cheeseballs out of a baby carrier. Brought me back to the days of housing a full tub of cheezeballz guilt free. Ahh, college.

-Keith Urban performs “Somewhere in My Car”. He’s the stuff and so is that song.

-Little Big Town performs Day Drinking and then Ariana “Bang Bang” Grande sashays onto the stage and they all sing her song with light up dresses. Judging this against the other performances it was great, because I stayed awake for it, but I would’ve preferred them trying to mix country and pop rather than sing a country song and then a pop song. It was odd.

-Miranda debuts a sassy new bob that kills it and her and Blake proceed to snatch up all the awards with an effortless “it’s almost as if we don’t do this every year” vibe.

-The Doobie Brothers take the stage with Hillary Scott, Jennifer Nettles & Hunter Hayes and play some good ole classic rock. Jennifer Nettles spends the entire performance with her mouth open and literally can’t find her chill. Hunter Hayes was on guitar and was just grateful to be able to play with the big kids.

-Luke Bryan wins Entertainer of the Year and we get to look at his pretty face more. Note: no hip movement whatsoever (see worst moments list)

Worst Moments:

-Is there anything worse than networks throwing two random people together to present an award and then writing compliments for them to read from the teleprompter to each other? It’s awkward and gives everyone the uncomfies. Stop doing it.

-Taylor gets a best and worst spot because she was actually nominated for female vocalist of the year and SHE WASN’T EVEN THERE. Girl, they just declared their support for you and you big-timed them? If we’re being honest I’m probably more bitter about her not showing up because her awkward crowd dancing & dramatic reactions were SORELY missed. NO ONE owns an awards show crowd like Tay.

-Florida Georgia Line wins Vocal Duo of the Year and mullet sneaks that G-D DISGUSTING VEST back in. Hey bro, it is NEVER sexy to wear a vest with no shirt underneath. If you also browsed my fashion recap you’ll see that I put FGL on the best dressed list JUST because they both put actual shirts on. Well GUESS WHAT, you two clowns are officially revoked from my best dressed list. Boom. Roasted.

-Kacey Musgraves and her goofy outfits/hair and her honky tonk barn music.

-Little Big Town winning Vocal Group of the Year and all shouting random things at once as an acceptance speech. Mic etiquette, guys, ever heard of it? Designate ONE speaker.

-Luke Bryan performs a slow song and DOES NOT shake it for me. This should be illegal. Every girl in America was disappointed Luke, just so you know.

Just For Ratings:

-Ebola.

-Renee Zellweger

-Carrie Underwood whispering the gender of her baby to Brad Paisley, setting him up to “let it slip”, and then mentioning it every five minutes. THE PAGEANTRY. THE RATINGS. It’s a BOOYYYY.

-The amount of almost vag slips. Ariana Grande wearing her typical bra and mini skirt, Kacey Musgraves cutting it too close for comfort and Ashley Monroe performing with Blake in a sequin tee, no pants. We don’t need to see it to know it’s there, girlz.

-ABC doing their best to confuse you about which CMA’s are real. The ones you’re literally watching, or the ones they’re teasing every commercial break in the Nashville promo for next week. DOES THIS MEAN RUKE/LAYNA AREN’T REALLY NOMINATED? Please advise.

If you noticed that I didn’t include many performances in my recap it’s because most of them were suuuuuper snoozeworthy. Let’s step it up next time, gang, look alive…give me a reason to stay up past my bedtime. Aaaand that’s all–go forth and spread the country music word, my friends.

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Country, Music, Red Carpet, Television

CMA’s Fashion, Ya’ll!

Here’s the CMA’s post where we judge people based on what they chose to wear. If you want to judge people based on what they chose to sing, please see my second installment-the recap. Here’s the deal. I got a fevah and the only prescription is more awards shows. Once I get a taste I need it to be awards season STAT. Since this is the first of 100 country music awards shows this year (all of them having strikingly similar names), country singers will have plenty of chances for redemption if they made my worst dressed list. They’ll obviously be reading this and taking my opinions into account when picking their next show outfit.

Here are the Worst Dressed:

antebellum

Hillary from Lady A. What’s the deal with the V neck suspender sitch? No other words to describe that.

gretchen

Gretchen Wilson staying true to her 2004 (TWO THOUSAND FOUR, DAMN) song “Redneck Woman”.

All that’s missing is a red solo cup of Fleischmann’s. Keep it classy, gurl.

hunter

Real Talk: has Hunter EVER not looked like a 15 year old sneaking into prom?

kacey kacey-musgraves-350x700

Kacey Musgraves with Elvira hair. Nuff said. Also on the right: flashback to her craft fair boots & dress combo from Grammy’s.

People don’t forget.

samhunt

Sam Hunt is the newcomer hottie to the country scene. I wish he wouldn’t have ruined that with this mariachi/pirate shirt.

scarlett

Scarlett from Nashville aka Clare Bowen probably let her new homeless friend with the voice of an angel dress her.

zoey

Zoey from Nashville aka Chaley Rose trying to steal the spotlight as always. Less is more.

nicole

Ugh.

The gr8 news is there are more best dressed than worst dressed, so I’m actually T-ing down the judgements. Here’s all the singers who got it right.

Best dressed:

brett

This is a worst/best combo if we’re being honest. Brantley is probably wearing a jewel encrusted affliction tee under that blazer. Brett OBVIOUSLY steals the show wearing a classy suit and accessorizing with his pure sexiness. It’s no caveman toga, but whatevs.

carrie

Carrie never disappoints. This one actually isn’t my favorite but she’ll have probably 100 outfit changes as host and I assume most of them will be top notch. Also, legs.

casadee

Cassadee Pope looking elegant and classy

connie

RAYNA JAMES. TAMI TAYLOR. CONNIE BRITTON.

I mean seriously. With her hair she could wear a trash bag and win all the awards. Bow down, bitches.

fgl

They only made the best dressed because long hair (still don’t know his name) isn’t wearing a leather vest with no shirt underneath. He’s done that far too many times and I’ve had to choke back vomit.

jana

Jana Kramer always looks gorgeous. Now if only she would stop ending every social media post with #love to shamelessly promote her latest single. That’s all I want for Christmas.

johs

Josh Turner proving you don’t need a cowboy hat or sparkly vest/belt at the CMA’s. Yum.

kimberly

Kimberly from The Band Perry. Simple and not being overshadowed by her brothers’ afros.

lucy

What I imagine Taylor Swift would’ve worn if she was still country (sigh)

You know, cause she’s got that red lip classic thing that Harry likes. JK-Lucy looks fab though.

maddietae

Hey Nicole Kidman. THIS is how you wear lace. Maddie & Tae lookin’ like a couple of dimes.

miranda

Miranda going classic. If we’re being honest I preferred her performance dress, but the red carpet hair/makeup looks fresh.

tim & faith

Queen and King of country.

luke

SWOOOONNN. Okay now please put on your black v neck and backwards hat and shake it.

That’s it for the red carpet roundup. Which one was your favorite look? Are you too busy drooling over those Southern men? Are you a guy and puking from that last statement? STAY TUNED FOR FULL SHOW RECAP. CAUSE WHY NOT?!

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Concert, Country, Music

Falling In Love to the Beat of Brett’s Music: A Concert Review

This one is for my fellow country fans. I went to the Brett Eldredge concert last night and if you follow me on Twitter you saw my aggress live tweeting. It was quite the event. It was Boston’s country radio station’s “Wicked Awesome Monstah Bash”. If you cringed at that name, you certainly wouldn’t have handled the live costume contest that took place on stage halfway through the night. I still have PTSD from it. (People committed HARD to the costume thing.)

The opening act was The Brothers Osborne, who unfortunately due to their country drawls and their tendency to hold the mic too close to their mouths, I didn’t know their name until the end of the concert, when Brett announced it in proper English. Brother 1 entered the stage wearing a blonde curly wig, flower dress, and cowboy boots. Brother 2 was wearing black skinny jeans, an open v shirt just shy of showing nip, a lace short sleeve cardigan, and a long black hair wig. Are these Halloween costumes or were they just trying to tell everyone something? After about half of their set I finally pieced together enough words to figure out that they were dressing up as Little Big Town. Not sure about the execution of that, what I am sure of is that I saw a whole lot of white hairy man thigh that I can’t unsee. On the music review side of things, they were great. Dark hair, nips out brother had an awesome voice and they had more of a rock country sound. Here are a couple of their songs, although their current radio single, “Rum”, wasn’t my favorite.

After cross-dressing Little Big Town finished their set, we had the joy of seeing a bunch of Boston’s radio personalities in costume, stumble awkwardly through a costume contest. During this mess on stage, my friend and I were treated with a hot mess next to us, enjoying her first very real blackout. Standing up against the balcony railing, Drunky McDrunkerson was behind me and felt the need to express her love of life and bottom shelf vodka by screeching in my ear and grinding on me during both performances. I wasn’t into it. When she took a bathroom break and told me to hold her spot, her friend turned to me and goes so what school do you guys go to? I guess I hadn’t realized that we were surrounded by 19 year olds until we turned to the people on our right to make fun of slob kebab and they also inquired about our school. Is it normal when you’re in college to also assume everyone around you is in college or is that a more recent thing? Telling someone that I’m an adult has never been more ironic. The girl asked how old we were and then goes oh, that’s not THAT old. Thanks girl, I was pretty worried that I was nearing a senior citizen discount. At that point my new friend who was trying to round the bases with me via her dancing returned and gave us all the opportunity to take bets on when she would drop her phone over the balcony. Sadly we all lost, although it was touch and go for a minute with her seaweed arms and light grip of the iphone.

FINALLY the main event: Brett and his baby blues arrived onstage in a PG13 Bam Bam costume. I feared another cross dressing incident so this was a welcome surprise. His guitarist took on that role wearing a full, open back gown and wig with tiara. Imagine Seth Rogen dressed as a teenage girl for Jimmy Fallon’s “Ew” skit and that is essentially what we had on our hands. Men having a full beard and dressing like a woman is always an interesting thing. It was okay though, because my eyes stayed on Brett in the event that the toga gave way. Having only one CD, Brett played most of it and of course covered his three singles. Beat of the Music was probably the highlight, but if we’re being honest he performed the shit out of every song. He threw in a few new songs too, which is every concertgoers’ nightmare, but it was okay because Brett was energetic onstage and they were upbeat jams, fun to dance to (or drop it low as my drunk new friend did…on me.) At one point in the night he announced how having one boob out was making him uncomfortable and he kept trying to cover it up. We all told him to please stop covering it up. He listened. Brett knows how to work the ladies and made every panty drop when he serenaded us with “Mean to Me” after declaring that he wanted to dedicate this to a Boston girl. He obviously meant me. (Even though I’m a NY girl, let’s not get hung up on technicalities, people.) Brett closed the night with an Encore medley that was impressive to say the least. Covering every genre and showing off his pipes he did a few country hits, “Your Body Is A Wonderland” by JayMay (underwear slushy), Roxanne & he had also covered “Night Moves” earlier in the show. Overall it was a great concert and I would definitely recommend even casual fans seeing him live. We danced, we sang, and we got to see a couple wearing lobsters on their heads groove to country music. Win, win.

Here’s a National Geographic quality picture that I took of the Brettster:

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