Red Carpet

Grammys Red Carpet 2019

It’s never a good sign when you see ads for the Grammys and the only performers you actually like are the host and Lady Gaga. The rest was a real disaster. As I once had to declare that I’m too old for the VMA’s, I guess I’ve now aged out of the Grammys too. Never thought I’d see the day. Never too old to get up all on that red carpet thooooo, so here we go.

WORST

61st Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

Lotta ladies going wild with the textures tonight and I’m not down with this pink ‘splosion.

61st Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals61st Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

Cardi, or as my boyfriend lovingly refers to her as the seagull sounding buffoon, is clearly on this planet to raise eyebrows and make a scene. Job well done. But you look like an idiot. Also it’s laugh out loud funny that she wears a giant oyster costume and then opts for a nude strapless bra underneath. Just commit and go full seashell, Arielle style, or something equally as loud.

61st Annual Grammy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 10 Feb 2019

Charlie Puth may or may not flash us his goods in this trench coat full suit.

61st Annual Grammy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 10 Feb 2019

Heidi out here treating the red carpet like the VS Fashion Show.

61st Annual Grammy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 10 Feb 2019

A triangle on your bod and a square on your head.

61st Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

Look no further than my roasting of Pharrell’s Elmer Fudd hat at the Grammys in 2014, or LL Cool J’s Kangol at every Grammys ever, to know that I hate a hat statement at an awards show. This is so ridiculous and stupid. I get it, you’re JLo, but no.

61st Annual Grammy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 10 Feb 2019

Holy Barf. This is like Anna Kendrick’s dress on steroids and with some silver boobs. What was the end goal with this dress?

61st Annual Grammy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 10 Feb 2019

Oh, ok MJ.

61st Annual Grammy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 10 Feb 2019

SHERIFF ARTS N KRAFTS, YAY!

61st Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

If this didn’t have a chest fan I’d like it, but it does, so here it lies.

61st Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

If you’re gonna make a big stink about how no one will dress you for the Grammys because you’re a size 8, which I find VERY hard to believe because if this is the case then why is Chrissy Metz on every G-D red carpet ever, then WHY would you choose the BIGGEST, WIDEST dress on this earth to prove your point? A size 8 isn’t big…if it is then call me obese…so just wear a bangin dress and show off your assets. Make the designers look dumb AF. Immersing yourself in taffeta was the wrong play here, Bebe. WRONG PLAY.

61st Annual Grammy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 10 Feb 2019

AT THIS POINT JUST WALK THE RED CARPET IN THE NUDE. TU, NEXT.

 

BEST

61st Annual Grammy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 10 Feb 2019

I like this dress for myself, so complete biased judgment here but she looks gr8.

61st Annual Grammy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 10 Feb 2019

I feel like Alicia Keys sneaks under the radar a lot but as I’m watching this show I’m remembering how she’s a total badass who can let it rip like nobody’s biz. She also has the most soothing voice on earth. AND she can play two pianos at once. What a baws.

61st Annual Grammy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 10 Feb 2019

WHEN DID ASHANTI GET CLASSY?! Claps for you, boo. Don’t need to show the goods to get Ja’s attention. Just need a million dollar idea on Pablo Escobar’s island. ZING.

61st Annual Grammy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 10 Feb 2019

Y’all know how hard I’ve been vibin jumpsuits lately and this one has sparkles, so sold.

61st Annual Grammy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 10 Feb 2019

I like the pink, I like the glitz and I like that Camila didn’t treat us to a view of her areolas.

61st Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

YaaAAaAasssssss

61st Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

These two literally swapped hair dos and it makes me giggle a lot.

61st Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

This is a pretty and tasteful way to do flesh tones. Red lip seals the deal, otherwise she’s head to toe one color basically.

61st Annual Grammy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 10 Feb 2019

Shawn looks like a wax statue but suit is on point.

61st Annual Grammy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 10 Feb 2019

Miley’s so pretty when she doesn’t have a buzzcut and her bits on display. Well, fully on display.

61st Annual Grammy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 10 Feb 2019

Hair/Makeup not great but the dress is lovely.

61st Annual Grammy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 10 Feb 2019

Post Malone has worn me down. His tattooed ass face and weird cowboy outfits have numbed me. This is the best one I’ve seen yet. I like pink and I like stars, thus, you win this round, cowpoke.

61st Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

Yo, real talk, where the hell has Tori Kelly been? I need her to wail onstage REAL soon.

61st Annual Grammy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 10 Feb 2019

OooOhh stripey, me likey.

FAVE LOOK OF THE NIGHT:

61st Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

I’ve seen Gaga out here all awards season being so classy and trying not to let her meat dress wearin weirdness out because she’s being honored for a serious acting role. And I’d like to acknowledge that. She’s been looking like a dime piece and this has been my favorite look of hers so far. I have hair envy of those casual beach waves. AND on top of her red carpet look, she wore a sassy glitter jumpsuit (with matching eyeliner) for her performance. Writhing & scary face at the end aside, she’s really pulled out all the stops at the Grammys and I’m excited to see what she debuts at the Oscars. YOU GO, GURL!

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Red Carpet

SAG Awards Red Carpet 2019

The SAG Awards were so boring that I changed the channel to Total Bellas. Sorry not sorry for wanting to see Nikki Bella handle a breakup with Ferraris, cigars and keg stands. It was worth the watch. Those Bella Twins should be up for a SAG next year for their top notch content on E!

WORST

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Peplum should’ve died the year that it made its debut.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

Is this a dress made entirely of origami? LMK.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

Insert shouting emoji and clap hands WHITE MEN CANNOT WEAR WHITE TUXES WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE SERIAL KILLERS.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

Why is there a belt just dropped in the middle of her midsection?

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

Tonight’s curtain edition.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

Well this is tough to do. Because John looks like a dime piece. But Emily looks like a vagina. And they posed together so it’s only one pic. Which means Emily’s labia dress just dragged John down to the worst dressed list with her.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

I am so confused.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

This could be my jealousy shining through as I’ve been hitting the gym recently and I will never ever be this skinny if I worked out 24 hours a day but this look just wasn’t doing it for me.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

The host should really bring her A game and glitter applique isn’t cutting it.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

I love me some Michael B. but I cannot get down with the harness trend. It’s so stinkin weird.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

WHAT is happening here.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Oh God this is bad. From the top bun to the chunky stripper glitter heels. Wooftastic.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

Girl crush coming to a screeching halt for a lot of reasons but also what fresh hell is this?

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

This color is great but no one will ever look good in a three tier cake dress.

 

BEST

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Lotta love for the men tonight coming through with some fresh suits.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

Curveball, I can be hip and get down with leathers.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

Throwing CZJ a bone for those stems.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

I’m so into jumpsuits right now and Emma looks fab.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

A Star is Born Gaga is killlllin it.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

WHoaOAaa spicy.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

All black and looking hella elegant.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

Can always count on Mandy to look amahzing.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

I love anyone who rolls on the red carpet with shades on. The sun NEVER sets on cool.

FAVE LOOK OF THE NIGHT

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

I love everything about this and I’m not afraid to admit it.

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Red Carpet

Critic’s Choice Awards Red Carpet 2019

Didn’t watch these but when has that ever stopped me from salivating over the red carpet? Don’t answer that.

WORST

24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards, Arrivals, Barker Hanger, Los Angeles, USA - 13 Jan 2019

I think the fact that this is basically a one piece tux is throwing me off. I wonder if she’s wearing a diaper because there’s NO WAY that’s easy to disrobe for bathroom times.

24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards, Arrivals, Barker Hanger, Los Angeles, USA - 13 Jan 2019

Remember last week when I told Amy Adams to take a risk? Yeah I didn’t mean wearing the exact same dress with puffier sleeves.

The 24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards - Arrivals

Flew too close to the sun last week as my best dressed couple of the night. This was a hard fall and I feel v. disappointed.

The 24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards - Arrivals

WTF CONNIE?! Full body sequins AND a puke lime green?! Even your hair isn’t in it’s typical Tami Taylor mermaid wave. Clean it up.

The 24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards - Arrivals

Yay to the fact that full frontal exposure will be translating to every carpet this season!

The 24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards - Press Room

KeWL more BeWbZ!

24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards, Arrivals, Barker Hanger, Los Angeles, USA - 13 Jan 2019

YELLOW. SUNGLASSES. (Also for someone whose wah wahing about always playing gay characters…)

24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards, Arrivals, Barker Hanger, Los Angeles, USA - 13 Jan 2019

Hold me….like the river Jordan….(for those of you who still haven’t seen Free Willy cough cough KAT, this is an Orca reference)

24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards, Arrivals, Barker Hanger, Los Angeles, USA - 13 Jan 2019

TYSM Laura, for giving us a new twist on showing off your rack. The asymmetrical  boob peephole.

The 24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards - Arrivals

Why put a Victorian spin on nudity?

24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards, Arrivals, Barker Hanger, Los Angeles, USA - 13 Jan 2019

This is LOUD.

The 24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards - Arrivals

Quite literally looks like blood stains dribbling down her dress.

24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards, Arrivals, Barker Hanger, Los Angeles, USA - 13 Jan 2019

As a tip from one curly head to another, bangs don’t work on us. Just something you have to come to accept.

The 24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards - Press Room

Sarah sees my cleavage rant and raises the stakes to a WHOLE NOTHA LEVEL.

The 24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards - Arrivals

I feel like both of these outfits could’ve been found in the linens section. Tablecloth meets curtain.

The 24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards - Red Carpet

It has become very clear he’s just looking to make waves at every appearance this awards season. The only waves you’ll be making is treading water on my worst dressed. Boom. Roasted.

BEST

The 24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards - Arrivals

WHOA the color, the texture, it’s electric!

24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards, Arrivals, Barker Hanger, Los Angeles, USA - 13 Jan 2019

Sparkly! And even though there’s a peep, it doesn’t lead to nipples. I approve!

24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards, Arrivals, Barker Hanger, Los Angeles, USA - 13 Jan 2019

My overwhelming love for a matching lip and dress far outweighs my hate for this ultra deep front V trend.

24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards, Arrivals, Barker Hanger, Los Angeles, USA - 13 Jan 2019

This is a shower curtain but honestly I’m hard up for best dressed and this is Lady Gaga’s time to shine.

The 24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards - Red Carpet

Throwing Regina a bone because even though this is pageant-esque, purple is my favorite color and it looks good on her.

The 24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards - Arrivals

Wins the DAYUMMNNNNN award of the night.

The 24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards - Arrivals

THIS JACKET!

24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards, Arrivals, Barker Hanger, Los Angeles, USA - 13 Jan 2019

The white looks clean and classy but I think we could’ve lost the cape here.

24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards, Arrivals, Barker Hanger, Los Angeles, USA - 13 Jan 2019

My namesake going for sexy without being skanky. Always a fine line.

The 24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards - Arrivals

My second namesake is KILLIN this year so far. Love the sparkly deets.

24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards, Arrivals, Barker Hanger, Los Angeles, USA - 13 Jan 2019

Royal blue is always a good choice for Mom. Where’s dad?

The 24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards - Arrivals

Brown or burgundy? Not sure but he looks like a babe.

The 24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards - Arrivals

I’m into this light grey twist.

FAVE LOOK OF THE NIGHT:

The 24th Annual Critics' Choice Awards - Arrivals

Makeup, hair and dress on point!

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Red Carpet

Golden Globes Red Carpet 2019

WHADDDUPPPP AWARDS SZN! How ya derrrrin? Obviously I’m excited that my favorite winter pick-me-up has arrived. Because no matter what anyone says, nothing will ever beat the high of sitting on the couch in flannel pjs, still on a holiday eating schedule (24/7) shouting at the TV that someone looks like trash on one of the biggest nights of their life. Every season presents a different style that everyone latches onto (that I inevitably cannot stand) and this year was the deep cleavage v. If I can see your chin clean down to your belly button without obstruction, you’re getting tossed on the worst dressed and those are just FACTS. I recently dabbled in the cleavage game (new for me) at a wedding and I literally got my already modest v-neck sewn closer together the day before the wedding because you know what is even more alluring than showing your entire front? Leaving something to the imagination. Take notes from me and my boob etiquette, Hollywood. Let’s see how those who did or did not cover their nips fared.

WORST

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

Last year her nips punched through the tv screen and poked my eye out so hopefully she’s opted for a bra this year but either way this dress is goo.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

Is this like 80’s picture day or a bad wedding or what?

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

Irina looks like a Vegas show girl and Bradley STINKS without a little scruff. I mean seriously he looks like a wax figure and a white suit does not complement that.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

Remember when Taylor Swift sang about Camilla Belle being a big hoebag? Lolz. Great mems. Regardless, this eye shadow/slicked back hair is woof.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

Since when does Chris Messina think he can go all Draco Malfoy up in this B? (To show how old I am, E News will 100% post this picture and caption it “ZADDY”)

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Hot damn is this dress tacky and a terrible color.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

I love the style of this dress but I’m so not about that flesh tones life. Is she naked? Look quickly and yes, yes she is.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

Well this is loud.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

And this is the opposite of loud. Are you 90, Emma?

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

Now begins the portion of the program where I dump all over Hollywood’s titties. I DON’T NEED TO SEE THIS.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

PUT THEM AWAY. WE GET IT. YOU HAVE BOOBS. CALM YOURSELF.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

I shouldn’t be able to tickle your belly button on the red carpet.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Why are you even wearing anything? At this point just walk naked.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

ZOMG more full frontal nudity!

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

This dress is hideous first and foremost. The over the top boobage is just the cherry on top of the wreckage.

NBC's "76th Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Red Carpet Arrivals

I’m sorry, what?!

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

I don’t understand what’s happening here and therefore it blows.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

My lord, PUT IT AWAY. ALL OF IT. KNOCK IT OFF , LADIES. This is an awards show not the boom boom room at 3am.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

One shoulder taffeta. Yikes.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

More bewbz and let’s add in some ruffles.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

Kid’s art project 101.

NBC's "76th Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Red Carpet Arrivals

jerry

I rest my case.

NBC's "76th Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals

There’s so many things sticking out. The great war of puffy shoulder vs. erect hair.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

Ice dancer?

NBC's "76th Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Red Carpet Arrivals

Miss Frizzle teaching us about the solar system?

BEST

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Because I’m not a total prude and I can handle cleavage sans navel, Allison is getting after it in this outfit. I also love the chunky jewels.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

Chrissy Metz may have called her a bitch but I think this outfit is killin it. Dave looks like a baller too.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

It’s often a red carpet trend that the ladies of SNL/comedy in general dress like they’re wearing paper bags and I feel like this is a fresh change up.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

Amy plays it safe every time. This isn’t really doing it for me but it’s also not necessarily a WORST look. I think she could stand to take some risks though.

NBC's "76th Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Red Carpet Arrivals

Classy and elegant.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

Not the top look I’ve ever seen from the Connster but she still looks like a dime piece as always.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

V. traditional ball gown and respectable that someone her age isn’t showing up in a mesh dress judging by the trends these days.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

VERSACE VERSACE VERSACE. I don’t know if this is Versace but it kind of should be.

NBC's "76th Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Red Carpet Arrivals

MOM AND DAD FOR LIFE. Also I understand the hypocrisy of calling out all the hoochies with their top half nudity and then approving of this but let it be known that this dress is actually cute so it’s different.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

This season’s installment of dresses I want to take a nap in. Also, Debra photographs well but up close? Yeesh.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

PRINCESSSSSSSSSS

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

Sparkly and not cleavage down to her ankles!

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

TBH, I walked in from work to this look and I was like whoa that’s a lot. Then it really grew on me. Only Lady Gagz would match her hair to her dress. The sleeves kind of suck, but the color is great and she looks beautiful in the shallow, shalalalllalalowwwwwwww world of Hollywood.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

Glenn Close gives good cape.

NBC's "76th Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Red Carpet Arrivals

Honestly I laughed out loud when I saw this because people HATE Anne Hathaway. Like HARDCORE HATE someone for no reason and she just stunts up to the red carpet in 2019 dressed like she’s Sammi Sweetheart looking for some Ron Ron Juice in Seaside Heights circa 2010. and I LOVE IT. Get it, girl, Cheetah girls, cheetah sisters.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

I like it. (I’m running out of things to say.)

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

Not the slightest clue who this jabroni is but the COCKINESS of his stance, tossing that jacket open and rocking the one hand in pocket prom pose. Couldn’t love it more.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Peep those green suede shoes on Idris, tho.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

JLC poppin that leg like she invented it.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

This almost won my favorite look of the night because it’s Julia Roberts and also she looks amahzing.

NBC's "76th Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Red Carpet Arrivals

Can’t ever beat a dress with pockets, don’t @ me.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

Lookin like a red velvet cupcake snack!

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

Gr8 color choice, not so gr8 dress choice.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

Rare Nicole Kidman compliment: She looks good.

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

Hot DAMN disco ball!

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

❤ the jacket and the fact that Ryan openly admits on the red carpet to each celebrity that he just watched their movie because he was going to be interviewing them.

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Babe soda couple alert!

NBC's "76th Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals

Host looks good, wifey not so much.

FIJI Water At The 76th Annual Golden Globe Awards

I spy some gold toed shoesiez!

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 06 Jan 2019

DAWSON LEERY! Gasp.

NBC's "76th Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Show - Roaming

SURPRISE! Taylor Swift strutted those stems out onto the stage to present a few awards and I almost screamed at my TV. Whatta babe.

QWEENS OF THE NIGHT:

76th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals76th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivalsbluntkrasinski

Holy hell these two owned it. Separately AND together.

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Country, Red Carpet

CMA’s Red Carpet 2018

I didn’t get a chance to watch the CMA’s but I can pretty much guarantee Carrie Underwood’s face looked the same as it did 10 years ago but there will be 90 thinkpieces on her first hosting gig POST-FALL.

WORST

52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals, Nashville, USA - 14 Nov 2018

It’s bad enough that it’s Hallmark Holiday szn and Alicia Witt and her dumpster acting is on my TV every time I turn it on, now she’s gotta invade country too?! What fresh hell is this?!

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

I want the high Angelina Jolie slit to be done. There I said it. I feel better.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

My sister and I saw Brett in concert this fall and noticed that he has an aversion to pants that reach his ankles. It has now become a running joke that he only wears capris (including his own wedding) and it’s good to see that even in colder weather, he lets his socks shine in favor of pants that fit.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

I get the feeling that they’re going for the velvet matchy matchy thing even though I don’t know if this dress is velvet and I don’t approve.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

The first few times I looked at this I thought the top part was camo. Honestly, if it was I think I’d appreciate it more. Instead, it looks like a bad prom dress from Deb.

52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals, Nashville, USA - 14 Nov 2018

I feel like this is a little dark for the CMA’s. Smokey eye on a hundred billion.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

Hey guys, look it’s that plain bagel Lauren B making her couple debut with Chris Lane. What a weird choice to wear for this occasion. It’s like she knew I was going to call her a plain bagel and wanted to toss a curveball in the form of a beaded veiny coral dress into the mix. Also, Chris is wearing his pajamas.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

We get it, you’re hot and have a good body…thanks for showing us your undies.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

This color looks lovely but I can’t get down with a mermaid dress. SARRY.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

Kewl hip cutout, Maren.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

I mean it literally looks like we can see Jennifer’s spanx underneath her dress. Why would that be a desirable style?

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

OK are those non-slip sneaks that people who work in a kitchen wear? Is Russell trolling us?!

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

I don’t need a slit from your neck to your belly button under any circumstances. I will say, however, that her legs look SO skinny in those pants. It’s almost like an optical illusion except that I know she probably has a thigh gap.

BEST

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

The same yellow Kellie wore but no mermaid and I LIKE IT.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE PREGNANT DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN’T SHOW OFF THE MONEYMAKERS. This dress is fine and whimsical and all and obviously she looks good but like stop hiding your stems from the world, Carrie.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

I’m loving all these blues to match THOSE EYES.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

That pattern crisscrossing at the waist is super flattering in making her look skinny AF. Props on that.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

WHOA WHOA WHOA what do we have here?! Dennis Quaid going bad boy country on us?! YES DADDY! (To be honest that was my first time using daddy unironically and even though I laughed to myself about it for far too long, it still feels a little wrong. The leather jacket made me do it.)

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

Honestly I’ve ripped Dustin a million times before because he wears the same thing every red carpet and I think I’m finally flipping the switch and starting to respect it. Glitter jacket and a Crest toothpaste ad smile. Do it up, yo.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

I’m not really sure what’s going on with this two jacket sitch but the pink fur is pretty baller.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

The CMA’s red carpet is not an occasion to bring your infant. Glossing over that huge detail, this is the best I’ve ever seen Tyler look and I wanted to give him cred for that because he usually looks like he’s dressing for a white trash bash except that’s how he really dresses. Fatherhood has matured him. Wifey could use a little work.

52nd Annual CMA Awards, Arrivals, Nashville, USA - 14 Nov 2018

Kneejerk reaction is to put this fool on the worst dressed and be like wtf were you thinking. But the fact that he’s owning this so hard and you can tell he LOVES this outfit made me put him on best dressed. Confidence is through the roof and he’s even working the pockets. I guess I’m going soft. Also I’m all about the leather hat. Always have been, always will be.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

No clue what her straps say but I love a fun party dress and may or may not be biased because she stars in my all time favorite show. GURL POWER.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

Boldest color on the carpet and she’s pulling it offfffff.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

This is so classy and elegant it almost doesn’t belong at the CMA’s.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

I LOVE THIS. Princess vibez for life.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

Obviously Luke always looks good even though he only sings slow sad songs now and he never shakes his ass in a backwards hat anymore. RIP. Gone2Soon.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

I dig that the older generation of country went for elegant ballroom looks. Keeps things spicy amongst the sparkles and cowboy hats.

52nd Annual CMA Awards, Arrivals, Nashville, USA - 14 Nov 2018

This should be known as the red carpet blog of penance as I’m giving kudos to those who I constantly shit all over. Scotty, your jacket is sparkly and I’m into it.

The 52nd Annual CMA Awards - Arrivals

Saved the best for last obv.

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Pop Culture

Celeb-oween 2018

This year marks the first time I realized I’m too old for Halloween and wanted nothing to do with all of the people touching me at the bar so it is a somber post indeed. For the years to come I will judge the celebrity costumes as I sit in my own costume, on the couch. RIP Halloweekend, Gone 2 Late. But if you’d like to see what it looks like to scrap together pieces for a costume, log some serious group craft time and have a boyfriend who looks like Tim Riggins, check out this year’s costume that went underappreciated by the bar skanks grinding to remixes of Don’t Stop Believin.

IMG_7982

I did get called out (mild spoiler alert) for cheating on Street and I’d like to clarify that we depict Season 3 Garrity and Riggins because we are moral people. Texas Forever. No Regrets. Let’s see how the celebrities with unlimited funds and a glam squad fared this year.

ariel-winter

This is probably the least slutty costume Ariel Winter has ever worn. Kudos to her. Especially because dressing up as Pam means you don’t have HIV.

Casamigos Halloween Party

All Brandon did was put a white robe on and he nailed it.

christian-siriano

No idea what this is but it’s pretty baller.

crawford

This made me so happy to see a family costume with teenagers. I wouldn’t have been caught dead dressing up with my parents for Halloween in high school. Props to this model fam. No but literally, they are all models.

diddy

By the looks of that sExUaL lip bite, Diddy is downright FEELIN HIMSELF as a pilot.

erika-jayne

If I ever wanted to spend money on a latex bodysuit, I would absolutely do this costume. No shame in the showing off your figure game. TASTEFULLY of course.

gabrielle union

Gabrielle Union does a classic celeb costume every year and she’s obviously good at it.

george-clooney

Cindy’s rocker costume was way better but Clooney as a pilot. Woo buddy. Step aside, Diddy.

harrystyles

No clue what this is but it made me laugh out loud. Oh, Harry.

jerry-seinfeld

Can never go wrong with a fairytale costume.

jessica-alba

This looks like my crafting level right here. Jagged dress cut probably from a bedsheet.

joejonas

Joe dressed as his fiance’s character on Game of Thrones. Interesting. Keeping the facial hair really spiced that up.

kjenner

WE GET IT KENDALL. YOU’RE HOT. DRESS AS A ZOMBIE NEXT YEAR AND I’D HAVE MORE RESPECT FOR YOU.

lauren-conrad

I stan hard on LC and her annual halloween costumes but this blows. You can’t drown yourself in tulle and call yourself a moth. Get outta here.

lily-depp-rose

YEP.

lisa-rinna

This is funny because I used to watch Housewives and Rinna is a psycho and everyone is jealous of Erika Jayne, badass popstar bitch. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, Rinna.

The 8th Annual Trick or treats! Halloween party at the private residence of Jonas Tahlin, CEO of Absolut Elyx

Nothing like a pantsless Doc Brown

nina-dobred

A STAR IS BORN. Clever.

oliviamunn

Apparently this is a character from Crazy Rich Asians. Yehhh ok.

paris

GTFO of my planet, Paris.

paris-nicky

Nicky can take a hike with her sister, who she apparently deemed important enough to mimic as a costume. COOL, A SPARKLY DRESS. THIS IS NOT ICONIC ENOUGH. Had these pictures not been side by side, it would’ve just looked like Nicky was going out on the town.

3rd Annual Dee Dee Jackson Foundation Costume For A Cause - Arrivals

You have Michael Jackson money, sir. Please use it.

KISS Haunted house Party 2018 - Arrivals

Rita Ora has the best costume this year and there’s no contest.

Just Jared's 7th Annual Halloween Party

I wouldn’t be surprised if these girls dressed like this on a regular basis if we’re being honest here.

Just Jared's 7th Annual Halloween Party

Wells can GET IT as Belle. THAT WAIST.

2018 GOOD+ Foundation's 3rd Annual Halloween Bash Presented by Delta Air Lines and Otter Pops

Meh.

seacrest

I’m almost positive Ryan Seacrest has been this exact costume before.

wiz-khalifa

Ninja Turtle Wiz and his fake pizza are LOVING life.

joeyking

Joey King had to shave her head for a role and BOY DID SHE utilize that bald head to amp up her costume.

michelle-trachtenberg

I guess this is Michelle Trachtenberg. If I can’t even tell who you are, you’re doing Halloween right.

noahcentineo

Netflix’s latest heartthrob going as Disney’s biggest rapey doucher? This will just not do.

victoria-justice-

Uniqueness: 10/10, Execution: 10/10, Knowing the Alphabet Skills: 5/10

bey

yonce

Beyonce went so hard in the paint for her h-ween costume she even got her graphic designer involved. Toni Braxton obviously bowed down to her.

cheban

I came down HARD on Jonathan Cheban last year and I don’t regret it because I was genuinely concerned for his face. He probably caught wind of this and covered up this year. Looks GR8.

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bpdbip9g73S/?hl=en&taken-by=g_eazy G-Eazy/Instagram

You’re about to see the difference between a guy post-breakup and a girl. G-Eazy slapped on some intricate makeup and probably still got laid.

halsey

Halsey went out ass naked and called it a costume. She too, probably got laid. Brava to both.

Just Jared's 7th Annual Halloween Party

What the hell does a bedazzled mask have to do with what looks like a rape and murder victim? I am truly disturbed.

john-legend-and-chrissy-teigen

This makes my heart happy.

jwoww

Lotta questions here. 1. Did Roger agree to a family costume in exchange for staying together? 2. Where is their other kid….

kylie-jenner-stormi

Leave it to Kylie Jenner to dress up with her INFANT and still look like a hoebag. Like really? As a mom you thought it was necessary to wear a leotard and tie up stillettos while matching your baby?

shaun white

This year’s immediate post-halloween apology came from Shaun White. Gotta say, didn’t expect to see an OLYMPIAN dress up as a mentally retarded character but there’s one every year and it’s just downright comical to see that there are still people in the spotlight who choose insensitive costumes and are genuinely surprised when they’re forced to apologize. Dude. Dress as yourself. You won gold medals at like retirement age in the Olympics this past year. No need for a costume.

Katy Perry dresses up as a sloth for Halloween at Kelly and Ryan show in New York

Kewl costume, Katy remember when you were a cheeto? People don’t forget. Also, I lied. This costume is dumb.

rebelwilson

Rebel Wilson going as Wilson is prettttyyy pretty good. Plus it’s one of those costumes that you can eat a bowl full of candy before and no one will know.

ellen

Ellen on the other hand, is really getting her bang for her buck with that plastic cleavage she keeps rocking each Halloween. She’s going for Mariah Carey but I think there’s a deeper want here in the form of a boob job. (Update- apparently she was just dressing up as the Bachelorette. Whatever. Point still stands.)

Today-Halloween-2018

The Today show went 80’s but PLOT TWIST so did Good Morning America (couldn’t find a group pic SARRY.) I want to know who immediately got fired for that. I love Willie as Ferris Bueller the most.

roker

Also this made me laugh out loud because this is one hundo percent the face you make when you poop your pants at the white house.

Christina Milian is decked out in Hello Kitty gear for the Galore Magazine party

I’m not really sure what blue hair and eyes have to do with Hello Kitty. At this point I just have to assume your costume is a freak.

giulian

Jack and Allie from A Star is Born. YESSSS. I’M OFF THE DEEP ENDDDDDDDDDDD.

Heidi Klum's 19th Annual Halloween Party

EVERYONE SLOBBER ALL OVER HEIDI KLUM BECAUSE SHE INVENTED HALLOWEEN. (Dope costume tho.)

khloe-kardashian

THIS IS HOW YOU DRESS UP WITH YOUR CHILD. TAKE NOTES, KYLIE.

mariah

Mariah’s real cleavage in a roleplay costume.

nph

THIS IS AWESOME. NPH and co strike again!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BpmlhC0Bovc/?hl=en Wendy Williams Show

Dressing like a showgirl but calling yourself the Queen of Hearts. Yah ok.

LET’S SEE THE BABY’S FACE! COME ON!!! WHO’S THE DAD?! Either way, cute costume obv.

Majestic.

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God is a woman

A post shared by Kourtney Kardashian (@kourtneykardash) on

A rare Kardashian compliment because I’m about to tear them all to shreds. This is perfect.

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👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼

A post shared by Kourtney Kardashian (@kourtneykardash) on

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Halloween 2018

A post shared by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on

The fact that these bholes treat Halloween like a 9 look fashion show and got THE ACTUAL ANGEL WINGS AND LINGERIE just so that they could have their bits on display for the millionth time ever. COME ON. THIS MAKES ME SO ANGRY. I DON’T NEED TO SEE YOUR VAGINA, KIM.

Ok I’m calm again. Reese brought me back down with a normal Halloween costume a mother would wear.

LOOK AT THE WIDDLE PUPPY BAYBAY!!!!

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They got candy? LEGO!

A post shared by Justin Timberlake (@justintimberlake) on

This is a real trick or treating commitment right there.

Neither of these kids were Boo, the cutest cartoon character ever to be created and I feel like that’s a missed opportunity. Mini monsters is also adorbs though.

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Wouldn’t have done it without the to-go wine

A post shared by Kristin Cavallari (@kristincavallari) on

This is how I will trick or treat with my oopsie kids. WINE ALWAYZ.

YUP. Couples costume with your dog. Nailed it.

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Scary Harry 📸 @zakarywalters

A post shared by Ed Sheeran (@teddysphotos) on

Scary indeed.

Not gonna lie I want that leotard.

So I guess I’m just not up with the youths these days but Halloween is literally just dressing up in a costume and doing a photoshoot. Didn’t even need to subject myself to strangers at the bar this past weekend. Could’ve just insta’ed my costume.

 

HAPPY HALLOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENie

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Red Carpet

AMA’s Red Carpet 2018

I tuned into the AMA’s to watch badd bitch Tay throw a ton of side eye and dramatic arm drops and let me tell you, she delivered. It’s no surprise she was my favorite look of the night as well. It IS surprising how generous I was for a group of hooligan youths at an awards show that’s all fan-voted though.

WORST

ashleeevan

I’ve seen Ash look better and to be honest I’m pretty sick of her top knot (I watch her reality show and she rarely takes that thing out) and I think it goes without saying that flood pants and a blazer over a bare chest is a hard no, Evan.

beberexha

This is the kind of red carpet look where you question the team of stylists around you and who told you this was awards show worthy. The hair and dress are god awful.

cardib

This is Cardi B. Obviously bitch is loud in everything that she does including chirping and clucking like a goddamn loon instead of speaking actual words. I almost hate it so much that I love it. Almost.

dualipakelsea

Knocked out two worst dressed in one pic. One in a terrible wedding dress and the other in a bee/zebra inspired costume.

khalid

Will 80’s mom ever be chic on a black man? Chuckin the deuces really added to the overall look thooo.

leighton

Cruella deWaldorf

chloehalle

Oh, look! It’s the new music act: creepy twins who wear matching cloaks!

kylerichards

How this bid weaseled her way onto a red carpet is beyond me but she looks like a Vegas show girl and that is the most obvious.

poppy

What.The.Shit.

postmalone

This is the face of rap today. This guy. What did we do to deserve this?

camilacabello

This is so so so so boring. Also unrelated but kind of related to the hate I’m feeling toward this outfit: that song Havana makes me wanna rip my ears clean off my head. Double also, tailor your pants.

tyra

SHINE BRIGHT, SHINE FAR…get this stupid outfit off Tyra, you’re not a Barbie magically brought to life, you’re a real human wearing a pompom as a skirt paired with a pirates shirt.

BEST

amberheard

Kind of a random celeb to be at this caliber of awards show but at least she looks good!

carrie

Classic bump pic where you can’t even see the bump. Oooh but she giving us that leg, guuuurl.

chainsmokers

These two have v. punchable faces but damnit credit where credit is due with some spicy suits and funky shoes.

cobietaran

COBIE! GET IT BOO! Robin Sparkles indeed.

halseygeazy

These two typically look like giant assholes so props for announcing they’re back together via red carpet and also looking fly as hell. G Eazy is pulling off those leather pants and Halsey isn’t wearing silk lingerie for once!

jjd

Ultimate pony sass.

jlo

There really are no words for JLo’s hotness anymore. Just assume she will forever be on the best dressed because she’s a babe soda who never ages.

ramimalek

I’m into this picnic jacket and I don’t really know why.

shawnmendes

Seriously people stop doing the peace sign on the red carpet. You look like a dweebosaurus. Other than that, well done!

TR

TR. What a cutie patootie.

tracee

I guess I was feeling extra generous tonight because I imagined her to be wearing something so much worse that when I saw this I was like ok, you’re good.

VanessaHudgens

Daaaaammmn.

zedd

SPARKLE JACKET ALERT.

taytay

I mean. Come on. I need those boots and I needed them yesterday. Well, the whole outfit will do.

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