Red Carpet

Billboard Music Awards Red Carpet 2018

This is one of those awards show that I question if I’m too old for every year and the great news is, not yet! If you close the show with Salt n Pepa, En Vogue and DJ Spinderella spitting 90’s bangers, I’M STILL IN THE CUTOFF! Unfortunately, I am too old for like 90% of what the females chose to wear for this red carpet, which is unfortunate because this was a real female empowerment show.

WORST

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

Kewl one suspender, Gaston.

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

I’m convinced that Halsey just grabs a wig on her way out the door and tosses it on in the limo with how out of place it always looks on her head/body.

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

The bottom of this dress could dust my apartment and I’m over it.

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

Taylor hasn’t been on an awards show red carpet in 2 years and this was her comeback dress. Hard disapprove.

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Red Carpet

Salt n Pepa tried to dress like youths except that they’re no longer in youth shape.

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

Clashing prints and quite the baggy crotch for new dad John. We’ll forgive him because he showed up just to sing and flew back to Chrissy & the babies.

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2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

We needed a front and back view of this dress because although the sparkles dazzle me, Ciara basically rolled up naked.

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

This dress MUST be one size fits all because she is drowning in it.

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

I had a disgusting dress up dress when I was a kid that was made from this exact fabric and was a brighter hue of purple. Except it didn’t have a neckline that started at my waist.

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

I’m honestly perplexed by this. Did someone ravel her in pinstripe fabric from a spool and just let her start walking?

Billboard Music Awards, Arrivals, Las Vegas, USA - 20 May 2018

DEMI WHAT R U DOING? You can perform with Xtina but DO NOT take fashion tips from her!!! Slicked hair and a leopard print muumuu, no ma’am!

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

Ugh. Maren. A heart? Rly?

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

I am blown away by this look. Not only is it completely skanky to just roll up with a wide open, unbuttoned blazer but my friend and I dissected what happens when you sit down for far too long. But seriously. Unless she’s standing for this entire awards show, can we take a quick guess what’ll happen when she sits down? Her stomach will do all sorts of things. It’s called gravity. WHY WOULD A FEMALE WILLINGLY OPEN THEIR TOP UP TO SHOW THAT OFF?!

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

The inventor of smizing was really selling it here but nothing will sell this collar/sleeve ruffle.

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

This is lingerie.

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

Although this is a very Kesha outfit, I feel like if she maybe took one piece away from all the things she’s doing here I would’ve let it slide.

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

Love her hair and the color but all these mixed textures ruined it for me.

BEST

janet-jackson

Wooooo Janet looking like the badass fairy godmother of the BBMA’s.

Billboard Music Awards, Arrivals, Las Vegas, USA - 20 May 2018

Don’t care what he’s shamelessly promoting here because it’s Pauly D and I love him and he’s wearing pineapple kicks.

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

Fun dress that doesn’t show any of her bits! Not quite sure about Evan’s bedazzled Cosby sweater tho.

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

This doesn’t even look like Mila Kunis (can we not make bangs a thing?) but it’s still a cute outfit.

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

I like this dress in theory but judging by the amount of times Hailey tugged at her boobs she clearly was uncomfy in it and this is why you don’t wear a dress where your girls hang loose and you have to constantly adjust it to prevent a nip slip. Tough stuff, lesson learned.

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

JESSE ❤

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

I want to toss this pic in front of JC and say this is how you do red boots.

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

I kinda just want this leather jacket for myself, tbh.

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

Host K. Clarkson in addition to being suuuuper obnoxious, rotated between varations of black dresses/suits with big belts and gold jewels. Slimming classic look.

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

Red hawt. Even the shades match!

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

Jenna Dewan gettin down in all leatha.

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

I feel like the guys showed up way more than the girls last night and I’m here for it! Showing the bros some fashion love.

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

FRESH SUMMER SUIT!

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

I’m so envious of this dramatic top bun. And also the dress is alright.

2018 Billboard Music Awards - Arrivals

Although I find it absolutely mind-bottling that a comically round individual like DJ Khaled is the most sought after person to shout ANOTHA ONE or scream nonsense in the background of your song and take partial producing/writing credit, this aqua colored suit and matching kicks are mesmerizing. Credit where credit is due. Now back to hating him for ruining every good song on this earth. The. End.

 

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Pop Culture, Red Carpet

Royal Wedding Red Carpet

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I mean come on. If you thought I was gonna be up before 7AM on a Saturday morning and NOT blog this, you’re out of your mind. I’ve said it on Twitter but I’ll say it again…the most selfish thing the royal family could’ve done was hold this ceremony on local time. No one in their country gives a flying F about this wedding. America is obsessed with the royals and now EXTRA obsessed because an American from what has proven to be a trash ass family with their antics this past month has done the unattainable and found herself a real prince. So long, Sucktown, I’m a princess now! Every little girl’s dream. Even the Today show was like I’ve met more people from California than I have from England here. BUT WHATEVER. Not bitter or anything. Us Americans will set our alarms just to wake up and watch church on TV on a weekend. Don’t worry bout us.

And without further ado, here are the most random collection of celebrities-the chosen ones (with some royals sprinkled in) who got to sit 14 miles away from the altar and “watch” the Royal Wedding.

WORST

The wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, Pre-Ceremony, Windsor, Berkshire, UK - 19 May 2018

Do you guys remember Joss Stone? She had a song on the radio in like 2003 and apparently that makes her worthy of attending these nuptials with a lady wearing pink fishnets. Either way she’s dressed to attend a 6 year old’s tea party.

Prince Harry Marries Ms. Meghan Markle - Windsor Castle

I LOVE the red heels but I’m sorry I had to do it. You’re attending a wedding not a funeral, guys! JAZZ IT UP.

Royal wedding

This is giving me 1960’s PanAm vibes real hard.

Prince Harry Marries Ms. Meghan Markle - Windsor Castle

Tom Hardy being a baldy really threw me for a loop here. I’m not digging what his lady friend is wearing. The most frills and puffs.

The wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, Pre-Ceremony, Windsor, Berkshire, UK - 19 May 2018

I’m not a huge fan of dusty pink but this dress is a flattering cut on her.

The wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, Pre-Ceremony, Windsor, Berkshire, UK - 19 May 2018

Just your classic, oh he’s British so he’s invited. I get that Carey’s a hippie but this dress is not fitting for the ceremony. Mumford looks dapper.

Prince Harry Marries Ms. Meghan Markle - Windsor Castle

Cressida going for some Mexican vibes at her ex’s wedding. That’s one way to stand out!

The wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, Pre-Ceremony, Windsor, Berkshire, UK - 19 May 2018

Lolol to James Blunt being there but also his date is an embroidered couch cushion.

Prince Harry Marries Ms. Meghan Markle - Windsor Castle

Isn’t this guy in cologne ads? This dress is so unflattering and boring.

jamescorden

James looks great but I can’t with his wife’s hat. It ruins her whole look.

Royal wedding

Oprah looks FINE. But, she’s OPRAH. I expected so much more from her.

princess-beatrice

I keep going back and forth on this dress because the puffballs are really pushing it but bottom line, the hat is basically a yarmulke.

BEST

Royal wedding

At first glance I hated this then I did a quick switch and loved the fact that her shoes match the colored stripes perfectly. Plus that’s a dope hat.

Prince Harry Marries Ms. Meghan Markle - Windsor Castle

Purple’s my favorite color so of course I love this.

The wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, Pre-Ceremony, Windsor, Berkshire, UK - 19 May 2018

I respect Chelsea Davies wearing dark colors (opposite of Cressida’s piñata dress) because if you’re invited to watch your ex boyfriend make SOMEONE ELSE A PRINCESS, you best show up in your darkest dress, still looking like a babe, to mourn your loss.

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This is typically something I would hate but I like the flourish for the event. Plus I’m a sucker for colored heels.

The wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, Pre-Ceremony, Windsor, Berkshire, UK - 19 May 2018

Ugh Pippa looking like a dime as always. Show us dat azzz girl! Too far? Whatevs.

Prince Harry Marries Ms. Meghan Markle - Windsor Castle

These two are definitely the best dressed couple there. Showing the Beckham’s how to do it. Coordinated, classy and fun!

The wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, Pre-Ceremony, Windsor, Berkshire, UK - 19 May 2018

This is a best and a worst all in one photo. Abigail wearing a polka dot frock is a miss no matter what but standing next to the perfectly polished Priyanka makes it 100x worse.

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Get it gurrrrlll with those separates! So trendy!

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Classic look from both.

giada-lubomirski

I want this outfit. I’ve never needed a matching teal coat, hat and dress more.

gabriel-macht-jacinda-barrett

I always appreciate a subtle matching coups.

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This is the best pic I could get for Kate but naturally she’s the skinniest and looking phenomenal with that little sassternaut Charlotte saying hi to the h8ers.

doria-ragland

Not sure if this creates a rivalry to wear the same color as the Queen but Doria looks amazing as she tries to show that not everyone in Meghan’s family is American trailer trash.

prince-charles-camilla

Bow down to Camilla’s hat.

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Nothing will ever be funnier than a permanent scowl paired with a full-on lime green outfit. Her face says I hate everyone while her duds scream I’M READY FOR A SUMMER PARTY!

The wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, Pre-Ceremony, Windsor, Berkshire, UK - 19 May 2018

Both boys looking like dapper dans.

entranceThe wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, Ceremony, St George's Chapel, Windsor Castle, Berkshire, UK - 19 May 2018

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I’m not a monster, so I’ll allow Meghan to be on the best dressed list at her own wedding but please know that I found this dress to be incredibly boring. At the same time, she’s beautiful and could’ve worn a rag (which this basically is) and still looked great. Not to throw comparisons into the ring but Kate looked elegant on her wedding day but also jazzed it up with a lacy dress and some mermaid waves. My theory is that Meghan’s history of divorce and being a Hollywood starlet, on top of the fact that her family has pooped all over this wedding looking for publicity rocked the Royal traditions boat a little too  much so she scaled back the dress for compensation.

And here are some couple goals for ya, because these two are cute as shit together:

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If you haven’t quite gotten enough of my snarky commentary, feel free to peep my all of my thoughts tweeted live during the action below…you know before I decided to start this blog because church got boring.

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Pop Culture, Red Carpet

Met Gala Red Carpet 2018

Spring is in the air and Hollywood’s finest / youngest are gracing the Met red carpet in outrageous getups that narrowly relate to a central theme. What a time to be alive. Since last year’s “theme” was just a bunch of words in another language, it was a breath of fresh air that this year they just went with Catholicism. Probably the best theme I’ve seen thus far in the 4 years that I’ve been blogging this asshole fashion event. Peep below for headdresses and lace galore. And literal Jesus. No seriously, he resurrected to attend a Hollywood art/fashion event. And his name is also Jared Leto. Also, spoiler alert but nobody will ever top this look and that seems pretty obvious.

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NOW THAT’S HOW YOU DO CATHOLICISM. BOOM. CHURCHED.

WORST

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SRY for the small pics I had to rip these off of twitter. Much like Solange ripped this Hefty bag out of her trash can, blew air into it and tied it around her legs to look like 2 giant vulvas.

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MAHM LIFE.

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None of this screams Catholic to me.

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Kim looks good obviously, but you can’t tout yourself as a huge celeb then show up to a themed event wearing a gold gown with a cross sticker slapped on the front. Talk about mailing it in.

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Selz is really into the babydoll gown and it’s just not the most flattering. Especially when you pair it with what my hair looks like in high humidity and a brown spray tan. Yikes.

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Ya’ll know my thoughts on Zendaya. She consistently looks like a garbage can on the red carpet and I do not support it.

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Hate to do it to good ole Geeg but this doesn’t have a wow factor AND it’s not on theme.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination, Arrivals, New York, USA - 07 May 2018

Oh let’s just sew three completely different fabrics in different colors togets. Ok.

Heavenly Bodies: Fashion & The Catholic Imagination Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Sick block shoulders.

Heavenly Bodies: Fashion & The Catholic Imagination Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

IDK what the fahk is going on here but Frances has HAD her time to shine this awards szn. Cut the crap here.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination, Arrivals, New York, USA - 07 May 2018

There’s so many things that I can’t get on board with here. Clear stripper heels being the most prominent.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination, Arrivals, New York, USA - 07 May 2018

I’m starting a new trend of just respecting the hell out of the assholes who overcommit to the theme because it makes it more fun but I just cannot give Katy Perry any sort of credit. Everything she does is annoying and I refuse to give her props for this outfit. If ANYONE else wore it I’d be like that’s awesome. But it’s her. And therefore, NOTHIN.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination, Arrivals, New York, USA - 07 May 2018

I’m so perplexed by this? Are those cutouts over her boobs? And if so, why don’t we see nips? Also along the lines of Kimmy K, tossing a rosary on with your dress doesn’t make it Catholic.

Heavenly Bodies: Fashion & The Catholic Imagination Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Besides that skirt looking like a soft place to land for a nap, there’s nothing special about this outfit.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination, Arrivals, New York, USA - 07 May 2018

This photograph literally will give me nightmares for the rest of time. Which might be a nice change up from my nightly reoccurring dream that I find out I’m pregnant AND i’m in labor in the same day. Not a dream I would wish on anyone.

Heavenly Bodies: Fashion & The Catholic Imagination Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

WAITER.

Heavenly Bodies: Fashion & The Catholic Imagination Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

First of all, she just had a baby. There BETTER be spanx on under that dress or I’ll be pissed. Second of all, no FOREVER to 90’s small shades.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination, Arrivals, New York, USA - 07 May 2018

If this was a Michael Jackson tribute that would be fine.

Heavenly Bodies: Fashion & The Catholic Imagination Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

There must’ve been a bargain price on this circular headdress because 90% of the females there were wearing it. This look by “SZA” (is that a name?) didn’t impress. Mostly because the giant circles of tulle just chillin at her waist.

Heavenly Bodies: Fashion & The Catholic Imagination Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

If you’re old I would advise AGAINST the high pony.

Heavenly Bodies: Fashion & The Catholic Imagination Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

This was a big deal with the youths because apparently these two are on that show Riverdale and made their debut as a couple for this event but like the bigger deal is those hard flare crop gauchos on this guy.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination, Arrivals, New York, USA - 07 May 2018

Wasn’t she in that movie Letters to Juliet? Is this a costume from said movie?

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination, Arrivals, New York, USA - 07 May 2018

Amal’s so above Hollywood that she took “Catholicism” as Hawaiian floral pantsuit.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination, Arrivals, New York, USA - 07 May 2018

I was watching Kate walk the red carpet and get photographed and she kept rapidly blinking and creepily moving her head like a doll. It was beyond creepy. That’s all I see when I look at this outfit.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination, Arrivals, New York, USA - 07 May 2018

WHAT does neon blush have to do with anything. Also, sweet cherub chillin between your legs.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination, Arrivals, New York, USA - 07 May 2018

No comment. I put this one up just because I laughed at it so hard.

Heavenly Bodies: Fashion & The Catholic Imagination Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Cover your ass in the house of the Lord, Zoe.

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The mighty have fallen. They win my best dressed last year and this year can’t even hang. What’s with the slicked hair, Tommy? Or the knockoff Belle dress, Gisele?

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination, Arrivals, New York, USA - 07 May 2018

This is straight out of the Hunger Games. I kinda want those boots though.

BEST

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I mean…could there be a more spectacular sight? No. No there cannot.

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I’d like to first point out how great it is that SJP brings Andy Cohen consistently to red carpets instead of her husband. Especially because you KNOW Matthew Broderick wouldn’t put up with this shit. Girl is wearing a tabernacle on her head. And check out Andy’s sparkle loafs WOOOO buddy. Head to toe assholeness and I love it.

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I usually shit real hard on Madonna’s Met Gala looks but spin zone, she made the best dressed because she is literally covering her entire face and body and for that I approve wholeheartedly. It was also brought to my attention that she looks like the below character from a horror movie and that makes me laugh a lot. Entertainment value: high.

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I’ve never seen a white pantsuit get werked harder. See? I can appreciate a Kardash every once in a while.

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There has never been a more Jesus lookin celebrity on this earth and I’m so happy Jared was willing to play into it. Lana, stop trying to steal his spotlight with daggers hanging out of your chesticles.

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This is my favorite event every year because it’s the only one that drags these two trolls out of the closet, typically wearing dark cloaks. I live for the once a year glimpse and I’m actually surprised they’re not both holding cigs here.

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Didn’t see an overwhelming amount of men’s fashion shots so I gotta give the guys a little love here. Baller move to go white and gold with a cape.

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I said the last cape was a baller move but this is a REAL baller move to flash that rainbow flag right in the church’s grillpiece.

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DAYUMN.

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Yeah you dress up that pre-marital baby bump, grrrrll. GOD SEES THAT.

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Almost as creepy as Kate Bosworth but I dig this look a little more. Can’t explain why. Probably because I judge outfits immediately based on no fashion expertise whatsoever.

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Honestly this ombre wrap of tulle looks real comfy to lay down and take a nap in. Dual purpose, probably.

Heavenly Bodies: Fashion & The Catholic Imagination Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Not over the top but I’m digging the red and gold halo combo.

Heavenly Bodies: Fashion & The Catholic Imagination Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Gabs just wore a yellow gown. Hate that she pulled that move when there were a billion things to do with this theme, but can’t knock the fact that she looks like a total babe soda.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination, Arrivals, New York, USA - 07 May 2018

I just really love Michelle Williams and I think she looks good. That’s all.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination, Arrivals, New York, USA - 07 May 2018

As previously mentioned, I’m all in on the red and gold. I’m all OUT on Tats McGee in the background struttin her stuff.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination, Arrivals, New York, USA - 07 May 2018

HOW COOL IS THIS?! Sistine chapel ceiling ON YOUR GOWN. I’m obsessed.

Heavenly Bodies: Fashion & The Catholic Imagination Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

I can always get down with a hood up. One time when I was younger I wore my hood up around the house so much that my parents made a rule no hoods in the house (I was going through an emo phase.) Either way, I wish it happened now so that I could show them hoods are ACTUALLY high fashion.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination, Arrivals, New York, USA - 07 May 2018

This is how you tastefully tell everyone you’re an angel, KATY PERRY. Wear an actual halo.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination, Arrivals, New York, USA - 07 May 2018

Again, another superior example to Katy Perry’s disaster. Here’s some cool ass wings that don’t stand erect like you’re holding your own VS Fashion Show. Well done, Evan.

Heavenly Bodies: Fashion & The Catholic Imagination Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Sup.

Heavenly Bodies: Fashion & The Catholic Imagination Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

I think this is my favorite look of the night. She looks hot as hell.

Heavenly Bodies: Fashion & The Catholic Imagination Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

No clue what this has to do with the theme but I would one day like to be rich enough to have over the knee boots made to match my dress exactly.

Heavenly Bodies: Fashion & The Catholic Imagination Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

I like the dark lip and gold chainzzzz. Kind of Egyptian but whatever.

Heavenly Bodies: Fashion & The Catholic Imagination Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

OK YES. Can I borrow this for the impending Royal nuptials? I don’t see anything wrong with wearing this in my living room at 7AM as I watch the wedding on TV.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination, Arrivals, New York, USA - 07 May 2018

It says a lot about a person’s beauty if they can pull off blood tears and still look fab.

Heavenly Bodies: Fashion & The Catholic Imagination Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Another ignoring the theme but who cares because I’m rocking it sitch.

Heavenly Bodies: Fashion & The Catholic Imagination Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Last year Bella wore a see through jumpsuit. I like that she showed she has versatility and covered up for the man upstairs this year.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination, Arrivals, New York, USA - 07 May 2018

OBVIOUSLY the look of the night was RiRi coming as the actual Pope. Kills me every time I look at it. Especially with that mean mug. Like yeah I’m wearing the pope’s hat, my tits and my bits hanging out, with a pearl anklet. YOU WANNA FIGHT?

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Red Carpet

Oscars 2018 Red Carpet

The final awards show this season and one last chance for me to get my shots in about the people who starred in the top movies I never saw this past year. JK I saw Ladybird and I, Tonya, so I pretty much crushed it. Fun plot twist this year, apparently if you went to the Olympics and everyone loved you, you also got an invite to the Oscars. Hm, ok. Don’t hate it because I’m an Olympics superfan but still a little weird. Also I’m not sure if all the ladies were on the same page for “wear a color for your cause” because it seemed as though there was a toss up between pink, white and red for which color makes the TIME’S UP statement. Anyway, here we GO!

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90th Academy Awards - Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 04 Mar 2018

Excuse me ma’am did you get lost and stumble onto the red carpet? What’s the security like out there?

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

I’m all about the gold and I would love this dress if it didn’t have the girl scout sash of beads across her shoulder.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

I’m not even kidding I thought this was a costume for an SNL sketch because 90% of the time Maya looks like she’s smirking and there’s no way that this can be taken seriously.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Thanks for showing up with astro turf on your bod.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

From what I hear (spoiler alert) this is the actress who played a mute woman who had sex with a swamp creature and this dress isn’t doing anything to distract me from that.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

These flowers are annoying me. I realize how petty I’m being but GUESS WHAT ITS MY RED CARPET AND I DO WHAT I WANT.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

This take might ruffle some feathers because everyone is drooling all over this dress but what the hell is with the GIANT BOW dangling off her basically non-existent waist?

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

I love a good mint but the top half of this is too house on the prairie.

90th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 04 Mar 2018

This is not what I was expecting. Is the Oscars really the place to debut a pink sparkly number with giant hoops? Just wondering.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Ok, that is enough.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Looking over her sunglasses (definitely transition lenses) at the camera like this is such a bold red carpet pose I don’t even know what to do with it. Doesn’t change the fact that she’s wearing a bedspread.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

I’ve been a real flip flopper on this. Originally I was like ok she’s quirky and yellow is different but then I always circle back to you’re making history as the first female director nominated in like 30 years and you chose to wear a banana colored prom dress on the big night.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Armie, you’re probably the hottest guy at the Oscars (no Leo this year 😦 or Harry Styles…) and you chose to dress like a waiter. I do not accept this.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

I love me some Adam Rippon and his sass on sass on sass at the Olympics was everything I never knew I needed but this outfit unfortunately is not.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

This is a lot happening all at once.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

WHEN WILL VELVET GO AWAY THOUGH?! Jordan looks dece.

90th Academy Awards - Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 04 Mar 2018

Apparently this old bird wore this dress to the Oscars when they first started or something and repurposed it for this year’s red carpet.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

This is a cotton candy snooze.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

SELMA. WHAT ARE YOU DOING. IS THIS VELVET OR SHIMMERS OR ALL OF THE ABOVE? BARF CITY.

BEST

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Full disclosure at first I hated this but now it’s growing on me and also male fashion was slim pickins’ this year.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Gal basically adorned herself in diamonds & sparkles and this is how you should dress for the Oscars.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

I feel like we haven’t seen Sandy in forever and I’ve missed her so much. I would’ve rather watched her and Nicole Kidman shoot the shit about Practical Magic and drinking tequila for 3 hours than the actual awards.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Zendaya usually dresses like a real asshole so I approve of this wholeheartedly.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Pretty sure this is Margot Robbie’s go-to look this awards season but it obviously works so whatever.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

DA-YUMN, GRL.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Obviously not the best Emma’s ever looked but her hair looks fresh AF and she’s rockin the sexy biz suit deal.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Since Meryl has declared herself queen of all, I’m assuming red was the official time’s up color for this show.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

They’re so cute and ever since I saw The Big Sick I’m all about these two lovebirds.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Honestly I wouldn’t dare put Taraji on the worst dressed. Did you see her curbstomp Ryan Seacrest?

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Camila kind of looks dead behind the eyes and Matthew does nothing but creep me out ever since Magic Mike but props to the coordination of her jewels and his bowtie.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Look at this little heartthrob nugget. Brought his mom as his date and wears a white tux, panty soaker 101.

90th Academy Awards - Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 04 Mar 2018

I shit on Giuliana a lot so here’s me being nice. She looks fab.

90th Academy Awards - Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 04 Mar 2018

I’m putting my prejudices aside as I’ve been re-watching One Tree Hill and Maria as Jules is one of the worst characters on this planet but she looks like a babe soda.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Ya’ll know I dig a good princess ball gown.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Classsssic.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Still can’t believe this is Jonah Hill’s sis.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

The one Olympian who got it right for the red carpet. Good thing Tonya Harding wasn’t invited…

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

This stomps all over Meryl Streep’s red gown, respectfully of course.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals90th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 04 Mar 2018

I’ll group these two together since that’s what the red carpet did all night. They showed up as dates to talk about feminist legislation and stuff. Both look gr8. I’m really digging on the flower gown.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

This is tough because Laura is on point here but you KNOW how I hate a rogue sleeve. So unnecessary.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Only MJB can make Jimmy Neutron hair look this classy.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Now this is a boss outfit.

FAVORITE LOOK OF THE NIGHT:

90th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

I’m obsessed with everything going on here. The dress. The color. Her windblown model hair. The fact that she hasn’t aged a day ever. DO IT UP JEN.

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Music, Red Carpet, Television

Grammys Red Carpet 2018

I gotta be straight up with you. I have a very hard time watching any music awards show that doesn’t feature the big three. Not the Pearson triplets, JT, Bey & Tay of course. Even Ed made the Grammy cutoff and got snubbed REAL hard with no big noms. That’s not the kind of world I want to live in and it was a struggle for me to get excited about this year’s show, which obviously didn’t live up to the hype. Besides Blue calming her parents down, it was a can miss event. Unfortunately same goes for the red carpet. Time to start prepping for the real showdown, Man of the Woods vs Reputation…2019.

WORST

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

Stop it right now, Giuliana. Act your age.

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Coincidence grouped these two stringy looks together. It ain’t doing it for me.

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

Mustard AND velvet. TWO thumbs down.

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Clearly Jenny McCarthy was feeling irrelevant and thought a blue wig, early 2000’s rose-tinted bedazzled shades and black sheer gloves would solve that problem.

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

what.

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Camila looks like she’s going to prom and this is only 60% of me being bitter about a singer who made a song with sounds that rhyme with Havana.

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

I had these exact pants when I was in 8th grade and wore them on Easter with black flats and a baby blue shrug cardigan (with a mouth full of braces) so no I will not support this look at the Grammy’s, no matter how much you try to sex it up, Anna.

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Why are purple shiny boots ever necessary?

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

Kesha’s hair looks great but this western unisex look she’s been workshopping the past few years is killing me.

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Woof city: population Joey.

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

I commend Chrissy for being this pregnant and still wearing heels like that. My balloon ass feet would not look good in those and I’m not carrying another human. The dress sucks though. Saarrryyy.

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

What was the inspo behind this outfit? 1980’s news reporter gone bad gurl?

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

HEIDI WE GET IT. YOU ARE A MODEL WITH A SLAMMIN BOD. WEAR SOMETHING OTHER THAN LINGERIE ON THE RED CARPET.

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

I love Pink and her daughter and I feel personally victimized by this dress choice.

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

Same name or not I can’t get behind someone with crystal butterflies adorning their gown.

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

The Cardi B tooth fairy in the building.

BEST

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

This is the most flattering dress I’ve ever seen and I want it. Talk about an hourglass fig!

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

Ryan throwing some mad hipster vibes.

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

Always love when Gaga goes class act instead of shock value.

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

This year’s host looking like a dapper Dan.

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

I’m never not going to gush over Lauren and Thomas is wearing fur loafers sooo he wins.

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

I don’t love or hate this dress but it was really a struggle here for rounding up a best dressed list.

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Let’s politely ignore the fact that Ashanti’s nipples are loudly on display and just admire the golden beauty of this princess dress.

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Nick clearly left his dinner date in Hell’s Kitchen to roll over to the Grammy’s but I don’t even hate it because he looks fine as hell.

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

I don’t really know what’s going on with this neck shoulder thing but Miley redeemed herself with a lovely pink gown for her performance as she further proves my theory that she’s back to dressing classy ever since Liam da Gawd took her trash ass back.

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

I respect this F it outfit for someone whose a brand new artist at the Grammys. Oh I’m nominated for my first grammy? Watch me wear sneaks and a white tee to go snag it.

60th Annual GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

FIRE FLAMES PINK SUIT.

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Pop Culture, Red Carpet

SAG Awards Red Carpet 2018

HEY! We’re back on that usual red carpet grind of multi-colored dresses just in time for the Oscars! Phew. I couldn’t do another red carpet of all black errething regardless of the statement being made. I think the welcoming of color made me a lot more generous with my best dressed tonight. Also props to the nuggets of Hollywood for swaggin out hardcore, forcing me to acknowledge a whole lotta children’s fashion.

WORST

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

What fresh hell is this, Molly Sims? Are you an 80’s bridesmaid?

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

WOOF. What is happening here?

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

This really doesn’t look bad but I have a bone to pick with velvet from a personal standpoint. Saarryyyy.

24th Annual Screen Actors†Guild Awards - Arrivals

This is fun because it’s like little house on the prairie but with nipple sheer cutouts. Hmmm…

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Niecey with those tits out for the boys AND salsa sleeves. Lot happenin up top.

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

I don’t love these multi-directional stripes.

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Alison Williams going for the flapper who hasn’t washed her hair in a week lewk.

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

I’ll say it once again for the people in the back, CUTOUTS MAKE YOU LOOK FAT, LADIES–EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE ACTUALLY VERY SKINNY.

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

I watched an episode of Say Yes to the Dress yesterday that had a particularly over the top crystal wedding gown and this bedazzle on top of her dress is giving me traumatic flashbacks.

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

This resembles a curtain too much to me.

24th Annual Screen Actors†Guild Awards - Arrivals

Even though this dress is pink and sparkly, that damn tassel ribbon in the middle is giving off some hardcore altar boy uniform vibes.

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 21 Jan 2018

I just don’t understand what these lady fingers dazzling across her torso and bosom are supposed to be.

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

I’m going against my girl Connie because I’ve seen her look a zillion times better. This isn’t the right dress for her.

BEST

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

This is a pretty daring V but because Laura’s boobs aren’t poking me in the eyeball, it works nicely.

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Don’t get to see a lot of hunter green in the mix and I ‘preash it.

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

DAWWWWWWWWW.

24th Annual Screen Actors†Guild Awards - Arrivals

You KNOW I’m being generous when I’m tossing Nicole on the best dressed. But seriously girl looks good AND she has the flu. So like no excuses for any other red carpet appearance she’s had.

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 21 Jan 2018

I looooove this shade of blue on Manders.

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 21 Jan 2018

Dunno who this is but I want to tuck myself into this skirt and take a nice snoozer.

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Leslie Bibb looks like a babe soda also she’s significantly taller than Sam and snaps for her because I have a real complex with towering over my man.

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

If I were ever allowed near a red carpet you bet your ass I’d wear chucks with my dress.

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Liking this dress caught me off guard because it’s the actual same color as her skin. And yet she still looks beautiful and not like she’s wearing a skinsuit.

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Could probably do without the fur lap band but still pretty.

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

I wish her hair was down but otherwise the dress looks good. No parrot this time!

24th Annual Screen Actors†Guild Awards - Arrivals

THIS IS FUN!

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Always love a good crisp white dress.

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

What a stud with the loafer-hunter green combo deal.

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Ya boy Miguel from This is Us from left field!

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Of course Sterling is rocking stunna shades.

24th Annual SAG Awards - Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 21 Jan 2018

24th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Mini Kev and Mini Randall from This is Us both poppin in prints!

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Red Carpet

AMA’s Red Carpet 2017

I’m gonna be honest, the AMA’s are usually a hot pile of garbage trainwreck, but they really pulled their shit together this year with some good performances. Fashionwise, it was pretty much what you would expect from a bunch of young popstars.

WORST

2017 American Music Awards - Arrivals

If we’re now cool with people rolling down the red carpet in basically sweatpants then I’m out.

2017 American Music Awards - Arrivals

It became evident very quickly that the trend last night was for a skinny mini to wear the tightest, clingiest dress and make herself look like a cased sausage. This is Exhibit A. There were unfortunately about 100 others, leading to my friend and I to question if every single female was pregnant throughout the course of the show. Clean it up, ladies.

2017 American Music Awards - Arrivals

I’m really over this, “I just dunked myself in the ocean and showed up for this awards show” trend that Kimmy K unfortunately had to start for us.

2017 American Music Awards - Arrivals

Woofie.

2017 American Music Awards - Arrivals

You know hating on Nicole Kidman’s looks is what I do best. She looks like she could hop on a broom at a moment’s notice.

2017 American Music Awards - Arrivals

Pink looked A BAJILLION times better for both her performances so I gotta call bullshit on this one.

2017 American Music Awards - Arrivals

hailee-steinfeld-amas-outfit-changes

WET. Another case of someone who looked WAY better for their performance. Living for the glitz.

2017 American Music Awards - Arrivals

Just because you’re an icon does not mean you can wear Payless silver bedazzled cork-heeled sandals with this black mosquito netting monstrosity.

2017 American Music Awards - Arrivals

Shoutout to this year’s host who went from unflattering skintight number to a collection of some of the worst outfits I’ve ever seen, including one where her nips were out and another where she was wearing her weight in mismatched turquoise.

tracee-ellis-ross

BEST

2017 American Music Awards - Arrivals

I’m digging these bling AF boots. Really shakes up the boardroom blazer dress.

2017 American Music Awards - Arrivals

When does Lea not look good though?

2017 American Music Awards - Arrivals

Even though I just talked some shit on the “wet” look, this one is fine because it’s Jenna and she’s a babe soda.

2017 American Music Awards - Arrivals

As a recently bandwagoned Demi superfan, I approve.

2017 American Music Awards - Arrivals

Mah gurl Ashlee is making a comeback in this glitzy gown.

2017 American Music Awards - Arrivals

I’m torn here. Because Kelly doesn’t look the best she’s ever looked but she also doesn’t look the worst. Throwing her a bone here because I dig the dark lip and straight locks.

2017 American Music Awards - Arrivals

Selena’s trying out the bad girl thing. Whatever, we’ll allow it for now. She knows she can’t compete with Bad Girl Tay but dying her hair blonde, wearing a leather jacket as a dress and being back on that Bieber good good is getting her close enough.

2017 American Music Awards - Arrivals

What a stud. Check out that hair swoop.

2017 American Music Awards - Arrivals

Is there a particular reason why Nick is holding his junk?

2017 American Music Awards - Arrivals

Yaaasssss Niall!

 

 

 

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