Red Carpet

Emmys 2017 Red Carpet

Kickoff to AWARDS SEASONnNnNNn!!!!! Let’s do this, BITCHES. I’m sorry. I’m just so jazzed and ready to judge.

WORST

69th Primetime Emmy Awards - Insider, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

We caught you ANNA, trying to sneak past the paps so you don’t have to talk about your divorce. Unfortunately this applique jewel toned dress does not allow you to hide.

69th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals

The sleeves. And the cutouts. And the dress made of old aluminum can tabs. I’m not sure which detail I hate more.

69th Primetime Emmy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

This dress would’ve been fine if they didn’t tack on a foot of black feathers to the end.

Evan Rachel Wood

ERW’s commitment to wearing a suit to every red carpet is getting to be a bit much at this point. Take this tuxedo look for example, she’s wearing literally 3 jackets on top, all different lengths. As my friend Kat pointed out, from the back she looks like a beetle. Not great.

69th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals

LOVE my girl Reese, and obviously she looks good in whatever she wears but like come on. It’s the Emmy’s, not a women in business luncheon. Pick a different look.

2017 Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

This shade of yellow is making my eyes bleed out.

69th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals

I don’t know if I expect Stanley Tucci to be fashionable AF just because of the Devil Wears Prada but he really disappointed me with these baggy ass pants that clearly weren’t tailored to his height. Get it togets, Tooch.

Tracee Ellis Ross

Sleeve/feather combo. ENOUGH.

Ariel Winter

I’m honestly surprised she didn’t just roll up in her jorts with her anus hanging out but having one scrap of fabric cover your bits is no better.

69th Primetime Emmy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

Girl’s gotta learn that trying to dress young when your face is literally melting off of your head just makes ya look worse. Hot pink with a sassy pony extension is not for everyone.

69th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals

These tig ole bitties are seconds away from dumping out onto the red carpet.

69th Primetime Emmy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

I’m naush just looking at this.

Debra Messing

Nothing will ever beat my reaction watching Debra walk away from an interview on the red carpet and discovering that it looked like an actual table was sewn into the bottom of her dress. WHAT kind of style is that?! Also, shiny burgundy latex. Guess it would be easy peasy cleanup if someone ralphed on her dress.

69th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals

This is a child’s dress and I will fight anyone who says otherwise.

Elizabeth Marvel

No clue who this is I just wanted to point out that sewing pashminas together is now considered a red carpet look.

69th Primetime Emmy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

Congrats, Julie you look like a fish.

69th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals

I have no words because everything about this dress is bad.

Kristin Cavallari

I feeeeeellll liiiiiike maybe the top of this dress was measured wrong and that her boobs don’t have a home here. Also why does Kristin get to walk the red carpet and LC doesn’t? Jus sayin.

69th Primetime Emmy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

Is Toby secretly a Las Vegas magician?

69th Primetime Emmy Awards - Limo Drop Off, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

This takes mermaid bottom to a whole ‘notha level.

69th Primetime Emmy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

I’m sorry, are these SHOULDER PADS?

69th Primetime Emmy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

Sofia is wearing the same dress she always wears except she decided to toss bangs and a pony into the mix and it was the wrong decision.

69th Primetime Emmy Awards - Limo Drop Off, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

ANKLE PANTS.

69th Primetime Emmy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

This KILLS me. Because I literally gasped as I saw Mandy’s face and the top of the dress and was already predicting she would be my favorite look of the night. Then I scrolled down. And was so, so disappointed. Homegurl, why you going for the Shamu tutu? If the top layer of black tulle went straight down this would be BOMB.

BEST

Melissa McCarthy, Ben Falcone

These two look fabulous togets.

69th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals

This is on here because I was genuinely shocked to see Peyton Sawyer on a red carpet, looking babe and actually smiling. You go, girl. (ALSO SHE’S PREGGERS?!)

69th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals

JLD literally doesn’t age.

69th Primetime Emmy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

I rocked back and forth between hating this and loving this and finally settled on loving it. Does she look like a giant pinata? Kind of. But also I would want to wear this fun as shit dress and I bet it’s super comfy to pass out drunk in.

69th Primetime Emmy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

I rip real hard on Nicole Kidman but this looks good. Except for the pink mismatched heels. But I’LL LET IT GO.

69th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals

I mean obviously.

69th Primetime Emmy Awards - Limo Drop Off, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

I don’t know if I love the flyaways poking out of this dress but these two look pretty chic as a coups.

Priyanka Chopra

I know I shit on all the other feather bottoms, but like, this one is different. Because she looks stunning in this regardless of the texture.

Tatiana Maslany, Tom Cullen

BABE SODAS.

Seth Meyers

I’m beginning to realize that it’s either ankle biter pants or baggy ankles in men’s suits. There is no in between.

69th Primetime Emmy Awards - Limo Drop Off, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

SLAY ALL DAY.

69th Primetime Emmy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

Her boobs are basically the perfect size for this scandal of a dress, thus making it endearing and not slutty.

Tichina Arnold

That leg, grl.

69th Primetime Emmy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

I’m into all of it.

69th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals

I feel like I’ve never seen Heidi wear a baggy dress and I needed this shake up. Obviously she still needed a slit up to her RB curtz to stay true to her roots but whatevs. ❤ Bohemian Heidi

69th Primetime Emmy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

This was the most feminine I’ve ever seen Kate look and she’s crushing it.

69th Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017\

Dunno this actress but I respect the hell out of a violet scandal like this.

69th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals

Lea looks like a fall dream.

69th Primetime Emmy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

What a delicate flower.

69th Primetime Emmy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

G might be awkward as hell on the red carpet but this is a dress right here.

69th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals

Take notes, gentlemen.

69th Primetime Emmy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

I was really digging on this powder blue for some reason.

69th Primetime Emmy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

This is how you do sparkle.

69th Primetime Emmy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

What a little Hugh Hef in training.

69th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals

Was it a rule that if you’re under 10 you show up looking like a baller?

Chrishell Stause, Justin Hartley

This is purely to drool over Justin Hartley in a suit.

Millie Bobby Brown

You know I love when a girl looks age approps and cute! Cough cough, anyone but Ariel Winter.

69th Primetime Emmy Awards - Limo Drop Off, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

Felicity showing up the older crowd on the red carpet who tried too hard to look young and ended up looking like they belonged in a Wax Museum.

69th Primetime Emmy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

James always looks spiffy.

Milo Ventimiglia

Ugh, Milo. Swoon city.

69th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals

Fall goals: a dress with literal leaves on it.

69th Primetime Emmy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

Pretty, pretty princess.

Shailene Woodley

Even though Shai’s hair looks like a wig, this dress is killer.

69th Primetime Emmy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 17 Sep 2017

Feelin that hunter green, clearly.

69th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals

Love this color, could do without the awksies underboob cutout.

69th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals

I wish JT were hanging off that arm, but putting jealousy aside Jessica looks bangin. Everything is werkin except her poof could’ve been taken down an inch or two. Fave look of the night.

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Red Carpet

Met Gala Red Carpet 2017

Last year was technology, the year before was China and this year’s theme is……….

Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garçons.

Huh? I don’t even know why the Met Gala has themes at this point because the Katy Perry’s, Madonna’s and Olsen Twin’s of the world are going to wear whatever weird shit they want and everyone else is going to slap on a gown. So rather than looking that phrase up, which I’m pretty sure is just an artist? I give you…this year’s fashion Halloween, from disasters of fabric explosions to regular red carpet looks.

WORST.

The Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 01 May 2017

Dunno who Pharell’s lady friend is but she’s wearing a literal cartoon drawn outfit. If she laid down in an empty room someone would mistake her for a couch. Also it appears as though she broke both of her feet and is walking in the boot you get from the hospital.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Not even a little bit flattering.

The Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 01 May 2017

Quickest way to terrify me is by making your eyebrows disappear, CLAIRE.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Ho hum, I’m just going to go to a fancy event HOLDING MY OWN HAIR.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

A tuxedo jacket made for a baby.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Oh, Katy. Go away pls.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Maggie almost looks like she’s in pain. It pains her to be on a red carpet just as it pains us all to look at her slouching over with fabrics thrown on her body.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Is Solange mocking me? Spring in NY literally IS me wearing my floor length winter puffy jacket until roughly June.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Has Keri passed right before our very eyes? Legit question though. Did someone check to see if she was breathing?

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

No matter what anyone says about this, Lena will cry on the internet for 100 years. PS it’s ugly.

The Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 01 May 2017

Black swan makeup tutorial meets actual dead animal on your head.

The Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 01 May 2017

NO, MANDY!!! You were crushing it this year!!!!

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

The annual glimpse of the Olsen Twins as they crawl out of their caves to stare into our souls. Props to them for not wearing black cloaks this year!

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Lingerie doesn’t count, Nicki.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

Is that paper glued to her head in place of hair?

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

Karlie looking fresh AF to lead a board meeting.

The Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 01 May 2017

This looks like one of those eye tricks that you see at the circus or a magic show. WHAT HAPPENED TO HER BODY?! Oh never mind it’s just covered by weird disproportionate fabrics.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

80’s prom.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Better than literally showing everyone her bhole last year but also not really.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

Never thought I’d see Celine with a Courtney Love black smokey eye. She must be going through a rebellious phase.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Sewing machine splosion.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

No thank you.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

I mean it’s festive for cinco de mayo…

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

John looks like a babe soda. Feathers are a little too much, Chriss-dawgz.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

The center tie really gives this a gym outfit feel. #MetLeisureWear

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Sure, Kendall. Show us your RB curtz.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Goodnight.

BEST.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

NO clue who this B is but I love this outfit.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

This was originally on the worst list but then the more I stared at it I convinced myself to bump her up. I think it’s the tail cape, mostly I just want to touch it.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

YoYo lookin like a dime!!!

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

I don’t think I’ve ever tossed a compliment Behati’s way (mostly because she stole Adam Levine from me) but she looks beautiful and not weird at all.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

1. This dress is kewl. 2. More importantly, LaLa just faced Melo and his cheating ass.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

High probability for a vag flash here but otherwise elegant.

The Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 01 May 2017

H8 the clown hair, love the dress.

The Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 01 May 2017

Could definitely do without the pink fur but the rest is 10’s.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

This dress makes me dizzy but I didn’t realize Elizabeth Banks has the body of a goddess.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

All about this dress.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Nick reppin the underwhelming males on the red carpet looking fresh as a MF’er.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

I just respect the fact that Diddy is wearing that outrageous cape, tbh.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

Diane always looks good. (PS. I miss Pacey)

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

Plaid suit swag for dayz.

The Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 01 May 2017

Priyanka fulfilling every man’s fantasy of the coat with nothing underneath. Not to be confused with a parking lot flasher. Much different.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

I’m a sucker for pastels. Especially when they’re hard to find among these garbage wacky outfits.

The Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 01 May 2017

Selena with the Weeknd red carpet debut!!! Now just lose that pink eyeshadow…

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Again, seeking comfort in the simple & approps gowns.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Throwing Paris Jackson a bone for keeping it classy.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

This dress is kind of weird but this is my favorite color in the whole world so it works.

The Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 01 May 2017

MARY J FROM THE BLEACHERS! WOO GIRL.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Again, never thought I’d give Cara a shoutout but I’m real into this metallic suit. Not so much the spraypainted head.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Perfection.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

Surprisingly into the white top knot

The Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 01 May 2017

Reese can do no wrong.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Mostly just focused on that amahzing cat eye and didn’t really look at the rest.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

YaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAzzzzzSSSSSSSSSzzzzzzzzzzzz. Ryan’s bowtie perfectly matched her blue feathers, in case anyone was wondering.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Pretty sure this was a callback to the last time Gwynnie graced the Met Gala wearing essentially the same dress. Still works. She’s probz still the same size too (eye roll, not bitter or anything.)

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

SUMMATIME. (This is the point where I’m running out of original things to say and I’m just going to start tossing out nonsense words.)

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

JLo all covered up. WHOA. ARod has changed her. Hey ARod: Beat it, nerd.

Best Dressed of the night and it ain’t even close…

The Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 01 May 2017

Why did anyone else even bother to show up?

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Red Carpet

ACM’s Red Carpet 2017

Country hits Vegas AND we’re finally getting closer to country music season so I’m all in on it again. Here’s the best and the worst of bedazzled belts and aggress spray tans.

WORST

52nd Academy Of Country Music Awards - Arrivals

The boyf is determined to start dressing like the FGL jabroni on the left and I cannot hit it home any harder that these two are fashion disasters. There is never an event where it is approps to wear a literal denim tuxedo with a hat that ridiculous. I rest my case.

52nd Academy Of Country Music Awards - Arrivals

Father Sam Hunt?

cassadee

Kewl bra.

kacey

Sweet butt bow.

Screen Shot 2017-04-02 at 10.21.26 PM

WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE.

52nd Academy Of Country Music Awards - Arrivals

YIKES, Lady A. What’s with the 70’s theme?

52nd Academy Of Country Music Awards - Arrivals

Scotty. We meet again.

52nd Academy Of Country Music Awards - Arrivals

There’s something about the skintight khakis that’s really throwing me off my game here. It’s like khaki leggings. Kheggings?

US-ENTERTAINMENT-MUSIC-COUNTRY-ARRIVALS

Ok dude. Do less.

52nd Academy Of Country Music Awards - Arrivals

Never pegged Kellie to be boring AF on the red carpet. Spice it up girl, it’s Vegas. Go crazy!

52nd Academy Of Country Music Awards - Arrivals

Don’t go this crazy. My eyes are bleeding out of their sockets.

52nd Academy Of Country Music Awards - Arrivals

Blech.

52nd Academy Of Country Music Awards - Arrivals

I have no words for this floral ‘splosion.

BEST

52nd Academy Of Country Music Awards - Arrivals

Throwing Nicole and Keith a bone here because they usually look like garbage on top of garbage.

timfaithScreen Shot 2017-04-02 at 10.19.24 PM

Red carpet look is kind of meh for Faith. Because she straight knocked me out during her duet. Seriously how is she that skinny? Also they both don’t age even for a second.

52nd Academy Of Country Music Awards - Arrivals

Baby Rhett’s going to be a stunner.

52nd Academy Of Country Music Awards - Arrivals

Favorite minty colors and dubz braid. Kelsea knows just what I like. I was all yaaassss…until she changed into a casj ice dancer for her performance. Yikes.

Screen Shot 2017-04-02 at 10.13.39 PM

52nd Academy Of Country Music Awards - Arrivals

Shoutout to Jason, this jacket is trendy AF. Wifey belongs in a Vegas club and that is NOT a compliment.

mirandamirandaperformance

BEWBS. No but seriously, Miranda looks good and gave Carrie a run for her money in the legs dept during her boring ass performance.

luke

Luke can never look bad and that seems obvious.

52nd Academy Of Country Music Awards - Arrivals

No joke I actually got an undie slushee looking at this.

52nd Academy Of Country Music Awards - Arrivals

This color is springy and perf.

52nd Academy Of Country Music Awards - Arrivals

Classy AF.

52nd Academy Of Country Music Awards - Arrivals

Embroidery’s a little weird but the rest is F-U-N!

52nd Academy Of Country Music Awards - Arrivals

Cole “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” Swindell. Coordinated hat and suit game is flyyyy.

52nd Academy Of Country Music Awards - Arrivals

I guess this is a new thing that Carrie’s doing at awards show. She’s not about giving everyone a peep at her legs before the main event. Whatever, I respect it, I guess. Mostly because I literally drooled when she hit the stage in the first few minutes, legz blazin.

52nd Academy Of Country Music Awards - Arrivals

Damn, Reba can get it!

Best look of the night goes to Carrie’s legs and it ain’t no competition:

Screen Shot 2017-04-02 at 9.02.58 PM

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Red Carpet

Oscars 2017 Red Carpet

Awards season is over and if we’re being real it kinda sucked this year. No one’s outfit made me uncontrollably drool because it was so amahzing and on the flip, no one’s was so offensively bad that I wanted to burn my TV just from looking at it. And realistically you know I’m all about extremes. Dramatic reactions or bust. Anyway, the Oscars took a sharp nosedive roughly 6 minutes into the show when JT handed that mic over to Jimmy Kimmel and everyone knows it. Here’s what people wore to this snoozeroni.

WORST

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

This weird panel down the middle of her top isn’t doing it for me.

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

Sweet butterflies, you get that dress at Aeropastale?

89th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

I don’t know if he does this on purpose but like does he ever take a break from being Lucious Lyon?

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

This is so bad that I’m almost wondering if someone tried to F with Dakota and told her the Oscars were doing an ancient time period theme.

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

If we’re being honest I discriminate against velvet because the texture isn’t my favorite. But also this polka dot thing is weird.

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

That belt is from Hot Topic.

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

I’m so confused by this afro wig situation. The top left looks like they finished putting this on her head and were like eh needs a little more fake hair and just plopped some on top. It’s a rogue fro and I can’t stop looking at it in horror.

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

Yeah, ok.

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

I probably wouldn’t have hated this so much had I not seen the baby nub ponytail that Charlize is rocking in the back when she presented onstage. Threw off the whole vibe.

89th Annual Academy Awards - Red Carpet

Weird satin pants/skirt combo deal. Plus word on the street is she was paid to wear this and that’s some bullshit.

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

Nothing like a good front ruffle. Naht.

BEST

89th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Chad Radwell can get it.

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

There’s nothing Michael Strahan can’t do. Swagger on swagger.

89th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

PRINCESS DRESS.

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

Hair color is pretty woofie but I’m down with this dress.

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

Very close second to being my favorite look of the night.

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

Leslie Mann is crushing this color.

89th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

You can pretty much never go wrong with a black dress and red lip.

89th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Even though Taraji’s roll-on Bath and Body Works body glitter was v distracting while she was presenting, she looks hawt here.

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

Michelle literally looks like she’s in pain. Just ignore that and admire the dress.

89th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Check that pocket square though.

89th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

This is a momentous occasion. Nicole Kidman looks ACTUALLY GOOD and made my best dressed!! Congrats to you, grl. What an honor.

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

Emma Stone is flawle$$.

matt-damon

I DON’T SEE JIMMY KIMMEL ON THIS BEST DRESSED LIST.

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

These ruffles are stupid but I would NEVER put RyRy on the worst dressed.

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

I can dig the geometric neckline.

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

I put this on here so my boyfriend wouldn’t get mad at me because he has a crush on The Rock.

89th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Blue suit of the night.

US-OSCARS-ARRIVALS

This is nice. I seriously don’t even have anything to say about dresses anymore. It’s Monday morning and I’m sitting next to a live construction zone aggressively using power tools and no I am not ok. My brain hurts.

89th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

SUMMER.

BEST COUPLE/LOOK:

89th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Hot Damn your boy looks good here. And he banged the opener so hard. Because he is perfect.

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

Special shoutout to Jess because I actually really liked this look and I always shit on her because she stole my man. Also couple goals that she grooved with him in the aisle. Timberlakes 4 life.

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Red Carpet

Grammys Red Carpet 2017

Let’s start right off the bat by saying Taylor Swift did not attend this year and I was already going into this red carpet/show disappointed. Either way, not super impressed with any of the looks and forced myself to be nice for a few that I would’ve absolutely dragged through the mud on a regular night.

WORST

The 59th GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

Looks like Girl Crush (?) hit up the McD’s ball pit pre-show.

59th GRAMMY Awards -  Arrivals

The most shocking thing about this outfit is that this is Bonnie McKee. I saw Bonnie open for Ryan Cabrera at my first concert sans parents. YIKES.

59th GRAMMY Awards -  Arrivals

We get it, Tinashe, if you wear a criss cross bra it will push your boobs up to your eyebrows. Every girl learns that trick in like 8th grade.

59th GRAMMY Awards -  Arrivals

Oh, alright. As if CeeLo doesn’t look terrifying enough as is, let’s toss a gold mask into the mix.

Halsey

Real talk how is she preventing a nip slip here? Sweet silk cargo pj’s though.

The 59th GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Crazy Gaga is back and she’ll spike you with her sleeves if you talk about her bod.

59th GRAMMY Awards -  Arrivals

Less is more when you have actual chains cutting into your skin.

The 59th GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

WHAT is being channeled here? Also WHY is Margaret Cho at the Grammys?

The 59th GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Everything sucks about this. Sorry Celine. Sort of. (She bounced back with a much better dress for presenting)

The 59th GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

Two completely different dresses in one.

The 59th GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Designed by Miss Frizzle.

59th GRAMMY Awards -  Arrivals

Dear God please tell me we’re not making pink eyeshadow a thing. First Sophia, now Lea?! PINK EYE IS NOT TRENDY–ASK BOB COSTAS.

The 59th GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

It pains me to do this but that studded jacket/silk shirt combo is so embarrassing.

59th GRAMMY Awards -  Arrivals

I like the color of this but on principle cannot put Maren on my best dressed ever since she writhed all over Keith Urban in hot pants this summer. People don’t forget, Maren.

Chance The Rapper

Chance the Rapper is really throwing some Erkel vibes.

The 59th GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

Tori!!! No, girl.

BEST

59th GRAMMY Awards -  Red Carpet

Country’s most adorbs childhood sweethearts always kill the red carpet.

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When you no longer have to match a bunch of duds for every red carpet>>>>>>>>>

59th GRAMMY Awards -  Arrivals

Not always into the skinny tie but Ryan Tedder is looking fresh.

The 59th GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Baller AF.

59th GRAMMY Awards -  Arrivals

James is WEARING that pastel.

Carrie Underwood

Her performance dress was a billion trillion times hotter. But whatevs.

59th GRAMMY Awards -  Arrivals

Royalty.

The 59th GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Katherine’s boobs look good. Facts only.

The 59th GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Chrissy looks MUCH better when she’s not trying to match her husband.

The 59th GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

FIERCE.

Demi Lovato

Demi went a little too hard with the brown paint on her cleavage but otherwise looks like a bangpiece.

59th GRAMMY Awards -  Arrivals

The 59th GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

I wanted to hate this tbh, but she’s kinda werking it, so I’ll let it slide.

FIJI Water At The 59th Annual GRAMMY Awards

Speaking of werrrkkkk

Heidi Klum

We can almost see her lady curtains but at the same time I actually drooled over her legs. So here we are.

59th GRAMMY Awards -  Arrivals

It didn’t photograph top notch, but Adele actually looked really good, and also props to her spray tanner who achieved the coveted bronzed look that is rare AF on red carpets. Plus she was overall queen of the eve, so claps for Adele and “Hello”, which now seems like its been out for no less than 10 years.

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Red Carpet

SAG Awards Red Carpet 2017

Pretty much the most entertaining thing about this awards show is that you can call them the SAG’s and everyone gives you a weird look and maybe a giggle when you do. Otherwise it’s just another snooze-aroni in secondhand awards shows. I mean, the SAG AFTRA president currently is Andrea Zuckerman. Yikes.

andrea

Because these awards are basura, the stars dressed as such. It was a real stretch to pull together a best dressed list. But I did it anyway, because I am a true American hero. I also accidentally got solo drunk during the show–and wrote this blog afterwards. You’re welcome, everyone.

WORST

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Two thumbs down for the skin-toned craft corner beaded dress.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Oh, ok yes. Parrots and sequins. So hot right now.

Emma Stone

I’m legitimately perplexed by this dress. Is the ripped part just hanging off of her body? I wish she just wore the underlayer.

23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Actual eyesore.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

I’m beginning to wonder if everyone forgot about the SAG’s (insert immature giggle) and stopped by the thrift store on the way to the red carpet.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

This is a pillow case with puffy sleeves, essentially.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Nothing accents burgundy quite like wispy cotton candy hair, is what I always like to say.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Kimmy K’s number one stan as always looking age approps.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

No clue who this is but there are no words.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

I’m astonished that whiny B Kit, formerly of the Rockford Peaches, is still holding court in Hollywood, but here she is gracing my worst dressed list and winning awards and shit.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Welp that’s it. I can’t stand behind Soph on this one. She matched her eyeshadow to her FUSCHIA dress. Woof city, population: Sophia Bush. Add in the gelled front pieces she has dangling in her face and we’ve got a full-on 90’s prom look.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Couldn’t have completed this look without the matching whimsical necklace.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

This is normal.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

It’s not necessary to twinsicle it up with your hubs, Chrissy.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

Casj hip floral arrangement.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

We get it, ERW, you’re making a suit statement for all red carpets this season.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Pig.Tail.Bunz.

BEST

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

I think this is the most covered I’ve seen Taraji. Suh elegant with a side of full boobs on display.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Hair isn’t gr8 but this dress is alright. (We’re reaching here, folks.)

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

This looks comfy.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

Having hummingbirds embroidered on your dress is pretty odd, but Gina’s rack looks top notch! Three cheers!

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

The girls are out to plaaaaayyyy.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

This is one of my favorite for Sofia. She always wears the same dress to every show and this is a welcome change

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

Julie Bowen coming in hawt with the risque!

23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

I’m mostly surprised that a YouTube star was on the red carpet best dressed but also she actually looks really good.

23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

This dress is nice.

23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

I hadn’t seen Krasinski on a red carpet in so long I literally drooled at the sight of him.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

THIS IS FUN!

23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

It’s weird that Jonah went from frat bro at the Golden Globes to dapper Dan at the SAG’s but I approve.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Rock that off the shoulder trend, grrrrrrl! (It’s possible that my drinking game “drink every time politics is mentioned” has truly kicked in at this point.)

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

I’ve spent far too long trying to figure out what this jewelry sitch is.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Purple camo yaaasssss Busy!

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

Jazzy suit for the win.

23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards

This dress is fab, but due to the asymmetrical neckline it looks like her right boob is 1000x bigger than her left. Demz da breaks.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Cla$$ Act. (I know it’s not nice to say and this isn’t even a little bit a comment on her weight because obviously she’s skinny as possible but black and white layered like this will always remind me of Willy and I can’t help it. #KillerWhaleBesties4Lyfe)

Fave look of the night:

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

Being engaged to Landry is werking in her favor. By miles, this was the best look of the night. Subtle and classy.

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Red Carpet

People’s Choice Awards 2017 Red Carpet

Even though the People’s Choice Awards are basically just a big slobberfest for CBS and not worthy of a watch…I still wanted to judge the looks. Shouts to JT for showing up and allowing me to unmute my TV for a mere 2 minutes this entire awards show. And Blake Lively for declaring via acceptance speech that Ryan Reynolds is hers and no one else can have him. Preach, girl.

WORST

People's Choice Awards 2017 - Arrivals

Did impeccable Danny Tanner pick out a suit coat and pants that don’t match?

People's Choice Awards 2017 - Arrivals

Not only is this cropped pinstripe look real weird, but so is his jazzy feet pose.

People's Choice Awards 2017 - Arrivals

I know for a fact that Lori Loughlin has a bangin bod and it’s a disservice to cover it with a literal curtain.

43rd Annual People's Choice Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 18 Jan 2017

Meh, CCB can do better.

People's Choice Awards 2017 - Arrivals

WHAT is this. Is it pants? Is it a dress? Why are her boobs a different color and fabric? SO many questions, so little time.

People's Choice Awards 2017 - Arrivals

Even though they lost their star member, Fifth Harmony is still sticking with the “we all wear scraps of fabric the same color and look like trash” for every red carpet. Don’t eva change.

43rd Annual People's Choice Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 18 Jan 2017

I guess it’s fitting because her breakout role was in an orange jumpsuit but c’mon.

43rd Annual People's Choice Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 18 Jan 2017

This dress sucks. Since I feel bad being so rough on Jenny from the Block, I’ll toss in there that when she won her award and cried and acted like it was an Oscar instead of something people voted for on Facebook, her pony looked sleek as hell.

43rd Annual People's Choice Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 18 Jan 2017

A dress equivalent to the beaded seat cover of the 70’s.

chrissullivan

WHY TOBY?! WHY.

BEST

43rd Annual People's Choice Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 18 Jan 2017

Host looking sharp AF.

43rd Annual People's Choice Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 18 Jan 2017

I think I’m obsessed with this look. Like, might be my favorite of the night if Blake Lively didn’t show up and steal my heart.

43rd Annual People's Choice Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 18 Jan 2017

The choker seals the deal here and that’s obvious.

People's Choice Awards 2017 - Red Carpet

No clue who this is but I’m all in on this outfit. Also proves that I’m not a pants h8er when done right.

People's Choice Awards 2017 - Arrivals

Daayyummnn with the leather dress.

People's Choice Awards 2017 - Arrivals

Fun & SaSsY.

People's Choice Awards 2017 - Arrivals

The red buttons with the red flash on the belt, I see you, Wilmer.

People's Choice Awards 2017 - Arrivals

This is pretty scandalous with that sky high slit but CBS needed a little near cooch slip.

43rd Annual People's Choice Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 18 Jan 2017

Fresh off his Greek vacay, Uncle J can do no wrong.

People's Choice Awards 2017 - Arrivals

Tommy Fre$h!

.43rd Annual People's Choice Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 18 Jan 2017

I love this more just because of the swish factor.

peoplechoiceawards2017pressroomakonvrwjpt-l

Yes, please.

QUEEN OF THE NIGHT:

43rd Annual People's Choice Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 18 Jan 2017

SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

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