Movies, Pop Culture

The Kissing Booth is a 10/10

It’s the movie that’s been sweeping the nation, the one you stumble into on Netflix then immediately text your close friends who also appreciate a good teen rom-com and they reply, “I’ve already watched it three times.” So why is a cheesy movie with subpar acting about 17 year olds falling in love after a first kiss in front of their entire school at a fundraising carnival all the rage? LET ME TELL YOU.

5. Friendship Goals. I feel like it’s impossible for a guy and a girl to be BFF’s without at some point there being feelings or weirdness and this movie proves that wrong. There were times that I questioned Lee’s sexuality, like when they had the classic dressing room scene or the fact that they love to dance together BUT I quickly let it go realizing that these two are just peas in a pod as besties. As Elle’s BFF should Lee maybe have not let her strut into the first day of school with her bhole hanging out? Yeah probably, but her dad didn’t stop her either so there was more than one offense on that. Lee makes Elle a hangover kit after the party, drives her ass everywhere and lets her third wheel at prom and all in all that’s a killer friend. Except for the whole, choose friendship over love, it’s goals all around.

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4. They make high school look SUPER KEWL. As you guys might’ve inferred, I wasn’t the coolest cat in high school. In fact, I was much like Elle (personality wise…in no way was I stripping in front of the football team or banging the QB.) That being said, high school was just meh. We drank Barton’s vodka in our parent’s basements, which we referred to as St. Barts to feel classier because it was 100% rubbing alcohol and sometimes one of my friends would throw up or the cops would come. So watching this high school experience of parties in literal mansions and at the beach was a real TREAT. I never even knew you could combine slip n slide and flip cup and now I don’t want to do anything else ever again. HOW FUN ARE THEY?!

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3. There isn’t JUST kissing. As an avid viewer of teen flicks, sometimes it makes me uncomfy that I’m in my mid-twenties watching high schoolers fall in love and ending the movie with a no-tongue kiss (this also applies to Hallmark movies.) Call it what you want but sometimes you just need a little 13 in your PG, which is why I appreciated the hell out of this movie. I was nervous when it started with Elle telling us how she’s never even been kissed. Then she gets tongued real hard by Flynn and hop, skip, jump they’re banging in front of the Hollywood sign. Whew. What a whirlwind. But thankfully this allowed for a CLASSIC rom com montage which included a lot of boning scenes, some of them pretty risque. Like doing it on the science lab tables at school? You go, girl! Get down with your skanky high school self. Guess that’s just what the youths are doing these days (look no further than a kissing booth where blindfolded teenagers lick each other for money) and I approve because sometimes that’s just what you need to spice things up and make us old people feel better about devoting a night (or three) to watching.

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2. FLYNN. I mean come on. As far as babe soda leading men goes, this guy is a specimen. I mean seriously who has abs that defined in high school? Besides the fact that he’s a total makeout whore and has questionable choice in women (facial piercing chick who tasted like cheetos), Flynn is the high school teen dream. He’s tall, he plays football and has a little bad boy side to him with the motorcycle and slight rage problem — that of course can be tamed by the right girl. But Flynn also has a sensitive side looking out for Elle, maybe being a little too protective at times. Realistically though, if Flynn didn’t stop this boner from dating Elle SOMEONE SHOULD HAVE.

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Either way, well done with this casting because it was perfection. At one point my sister and our friend (both in their 30’s) and I sat on the couch sighing over Flynn and then immediately questioned if it was legal to drool over an actor that young. Pretty sure he’s 21, so it’s legit, guys. No need to sound the alarms here.

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Also he was lookin REAL mature in that grey suit coat. SWOON.

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1.  Elle & Flynn are a real life love story. Once I finally convinced my sister to watch this movie, she went full obsession stalker mode and immediately followed all of the actors on Instagram and to her delighted surprise, discovered that Elle and Flynn are REAL LIFE DATING. So this is the love story that never ends and bonus points Flynn is Australian IRL so he has an adorbs accent and they’re probably going to get married and have Kissing Booth kids. Or like, this was just a set fling because they’re both still babies themselves. Side note: the only thing that grinds my gears about their relationship (movie OR IRL) is that she is barely above legal little person size and he’s like over 6 feet. As a tall girl whose always needed a male counterpart that’s taller than me, I find it downright selfish when I see short ass girls stealing the tall guys. YOU’RE SHORT, EVERY GUY IS TALLER THAN YOU!! TAKE SOME OF THE FIVE FOOTERS OFF THE MARKET AND LEAVE THE SIXERS FOR US GANGLERODS. End rant. (I’m obviously still bitter about the fact that she fits perfectly under his chin for a good ole chintuck snugg.)

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BONUS If you’re feeling uncomfortable about watching teenagers fall in love and obsessing over it like I did…you can at least appreciate the cliche bitchy girl group aptly named the “OMG’s” and laugh out loud at their HORRENDOUS acting. (Seriously, there’s something for everyone in this movie.) Anytime these three betches grace the screen we’re treated to a full zoom on their faces as well as every sentence ending in GURL. The party scene in particular is cringeworthy as “G” says HEYYYY GURRRRLLL, WHATS GUCCI?! and laughs hysterically at how cool she thinks she is. Remind me to never say Gucci again.

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Television

Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life Recap

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Like every other female in America, I binged the revival of Gilmore Girls this holiday weekend. And since I can’t keep my opinions to myself, like EVER, I decided to blog some hot takes on the return of our favorite overly-caffeinated yappers. As a series I’d like to say that this is the only reboot that I wholeheartedly approved of. There was an actual story to tell and it wasn’t just a recycled show with tryhard jokes. Even all of the side characters had topical storylines that made sense for them and were also entertaining. i.e. Kirk creating Ooober, Taylor eliminating sewer systems, Michel having kids but still hating them. So I tip my Lorelai Gilmore winter paper boy cap to the Palladino’s on this one.

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And now here are my gut reactions, with some spoilers–it makes more sense for you to read this if you’ve already watched–but the major reveal isn’t until the end when I will spoil “the last four words” but I’ll give you ample warning to look away because I am not a savage. Also, I feel like I gave everyone ample time to binge. If my mother who has 6 cups of coffee and is chomping at the bit to run errands before 6AM could sit still for hours on Saturday/Sunday to watch this with me, you’ve been given enough time to finish. (Shoutout to Cin who learned that the greatest accomplishment of my generation is the ability to lie on the couch motionless for entire days binge watching Netflix. It’s a hardship, really.)

1. Lorelai’s Hair. Whoever made the decision to give her a bouffant for 90% of this series needs to be fired immediately, or at least forced to look at it for roughly 6 hours like I did. Lorelai has beautiful brown wavy hair. It looked good literally every other way–even  in a messy bun–and yet the poof was forced down our throats making her look old and outdated. Let’s not even get started on her erect little ponytail directly atop her head like a unicorn horn the day before her wedding. God Bless Luke for seeing that pony bouncing toward the sky during her “pre-wedding workout” and still wanting to spend the rest of his life with it. See below for very real visuals of what I’m talking about and also a reminder to us all that the poof should never make a comeback.

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2. Paris Geller Got Funnier with Age.

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Paris was always high strung and pretty terrifying but also a little comic relief in Gilmore Girls. She kept things spicy by sleeping with a crypt keeper professor at Yale before she was 21 and also being a psychopath who needed crafts to calm down. I wasn’t expecting a lot but she downright stole every scene she was in. I found myself wanting more Paris. Her bullying of the Chilton headmaster about how he was using her donations followed by a glimpse into her broken family living in a house with too many stairs is everything I never knew I needed. Shouts to Paris for sneaking her way up the character rankings in adult life, AND almost starting a brawl in her high school bathroom.

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3a. Logan is still BAE.

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Itty bitty spoiler alert I guess. Although Entertainment Weekly spoiled this a week early so they’re the real monsters here. As if readers of a Gilmore Girls article wouldn’t know which boyfriend called Rory “Ace”. ANYWAY,  I always shipped Logan because I have a thing for pretty boys and also he adored Rory and made her life exciting and then she just HAD to go and pursue her dreams and a career in journalism instead of accepting his proposal. Definitely not still bitter. Logan apparently is NOT still bitter because he’s banging Rory every time she’s in London now. Even when he’s being a little bit slimy by cheating on his fiance, I still found myself rooting for them to be together forevz. That’s because with one dazzling smile and a drop of the key to his Maine house, I’m sold on Logan being the best boyfriend of all time. Logan cares about Rory’s career and personal problems, but also isn’t a total square. Which leads me to…

3b.I Want to be in The Life and Death Brigade. 

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Bringing back the ole Life and Death Brigade gang for a wild night of wearing weird costumes and getting hammered was easily the best scene in the whole series. Colin, Finn & Robert can hold their own as sloppy rich idiots and I wanted nothing more than to join them all for a weekend of boozing. Seriously, who’s in for a little rooftop golf and buying a speakeasy this weekend? Anyone? PLUS we got to see Rory let loose with Logan, which resulted in a full view of shirtless-perfectly-carved-abs Logan the next morning (which also most likely resulted in “THE LAST FOUR WORDS.”)

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4. Stars Hollow the Musical can kick rocks.

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This isn’t me hating on Sutton Foster or any of the new adds. I think the sprinkling of new characters and cameos kept things exciting and also realistic that Stars Hollow hasn’t remained the same 10 people for the past 9 years. All I’m saying is that this musical and Lorelai’s reactions to it were funny for about 2 minutes and then I wanted to drill a hole in my head. I did not need to see what felt like every single act of that play. It was terrible and the same punchlines could have been accomplished in much less time. It also shadowed over Summer and kind of made me hate that episode. Lorelai & Rory’s weird hippie outfits that seemed approps for laying out at a community pool pretty much put the nail in the coffin for Summer, so it wasn’t all the musical’s fault but IT WAS PRETTY CLOSE.

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(Unrelated to anything but did Reese Witherspoon produce this or does Amy Sherman-Palladino have like a massive girl crush on her? Between all the Draper James gear and Wild references it was basically one big french kiss to Reese. Hope she ‘preciates.)

5. The Boyfriend Everyone Forgot.

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Adding in that Rory is dating a guy named Paul that she can’t even remember she’s dating was perfect. Everyone was foaming at the mouth to see which ex she’d end up with, so putting her with a normal and cute guy who’s just boring AF was genius. I literally just had to look up his name because I wanted to call him Pete. Thank you Paul for being the butt of all jokes, if Rory can’t even remember to dump you, you’re a special breed of lame. Speaking of lame, I ALSO loved that my least favorite of Rory’s boyfriends, Dean the wiener got the shortest amount of screen time. He’s settled down in Ohio or something pumping out kids just like he was destined to do. Dean was a good high school boyfriend but he had the personality of a 2×4 and I’m ecstatic that we didn’t even dabble in the idea of him being a part of Rory’s current life. If you’re wondering how strongly I feel, I basically made my 5th highlight about Paul so that I could sneak in my rant about Dean.

SUPER SPOILER TIME. 

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No seriously. I’m about to break down those INFAMOUS last four words. Or three, if you can count, and WE CAN COUNT, AMY! (“Mom, I’m pregnant” is T-H-R-E-E words.)

Anyway, SURPRISE! Rory’s preggers and it’s probably Logan’s. Or at least that’s what I’m choosing to believe. Why? Because it simply cannot be a wookie one night stand lovechild and also, in my personal theory it will bring this whole thing full circle. (This very well may be a proven theory and widely written about by now, but I fired this off before reading any other fan recaps, so pls forgive me if this is NOT original as I assume I’m not the first one to come to this conclusion.) Lorelai had her Christopher and her Luke. Yes she was a teen mom so that makes it a little different but those were her two main guys while raising Rory on her own. Christopher and Logan are essentially the same guy. Even the writers have pointed this out. They’re both prep school rebels who hate their dads and begrudgingly end up in the family biz. Jess is much like Luke in the sense that they’re both simple guys who don’t love to show their feelings and lead a quiet life. Jess is obviously still in love with Rory because he creeped on her through the picture window at the end of “Fall”. Therefore in my assessment of the situation, Rory will decide to raise baby on her own (much like Lorelai did), Jess will be involved in their lives and lusting after Rory, Logan will probably not be as involved because he leads a different lifestyle and will most likely marry a twat to please his father but he’ll pop up here and there to make things interesting because him and Rory still have a thing too, obv. DID WE JUST GET A SPINOFF? YUP. Sorry, I’m watching Step Brothers as I write this and apparently got a little to excited. But seriously, I would watch the SHIT out of Gilmore Girls Jr. Both Jess AND Logan on my TV every week? Yes please. Let’s make this happen.

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Uncategorized

Weekly JUice

Week of 9/19/2016

I’m doing a JUice this week…for OBVIOUS reasons.

1. Dusty Rose Levine. Congrats on your baby girl Adam and Behati, also congrats on naming her an adjective to describe a situation where things are dirty. Oh there’s a cobweb in the corner and a lot of leftover dirt piled up. That’s just our daughter Dusty. In a world (Hollywood) full of asshole names, this HAS to take the cake. And it’s not even because my family and I have spent an entire year calling things we don’t like “dust”. Although that certainly plays a factor. It’s also because whenever I hear the “name” Dusty, I will forever and always immediately think of Chris Brander with a mouth full of blood and probably a few teeth, spitting out “Dusty Lee” in fear.

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But yeah, Dusty Rose will definitely never get made fun of for that name. Snaps for you.

2. RiP Brangelina. There’s no way I could’ve done a JUice without including this. When the news broke on Tuesday, I got scooped so hard that I was real bitter about it. My former co-worker who used to make fun of my sister and I for how much celebrity gossip we knew was the first to announce it to me and I was in utter distress. What made it worse was that I was at work and couldn’t keep tabs on all the best Rachel Green gifs flying around as a response. Work sucks, I know. (Little callback to the Blink days, you’re welcome for that.)

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Even though I was PEZZED about not being the first to break the news–and you better bet once I was scooped I took out my megaphone and broke it to everyone around me at work. Unfortunately no one cared but whatevs, I still got the satisfaction. ANYWAY, this news wasn’t in the least bit surprising. Even Jen, the angel (and smokeshow) that she is, was like yeah I saw this coming. It took A LOT longer than anticipated, but we all knew that cheating on your wife and then getting stuck with a bazillion kids is not the way to rebound and Pitt would be over it sooner or later. Rumors are flying around town that he cheated with Marion Cotillard (she’s preggers and it’s not Brad’s so supposedly everyone can buzz off about that theory.) Now he’s under investigation for like shouting at his kids on a plane or something. Look, if the FBI could investigate parents for discipline then we can open the book on my entire childhood when spanking was still a thing. I once hid in my own closet to avoid a spanking. Typs child move though, go to the one place where there’s no escape, to hide. That’s why kids are dumb AF. But regardless, this will play out for like probably the next six months so pop your popcorn and buckle in. And as if it wasn’t blatantly obvious already: HASHTAG TEAM JEN. Seriously she won this breakup like forever ago.

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3. Dad Jokes. 

You know what’s super embarrassing? Being 13 and having your dad do LITERALLY ANYTHING near you. I said EWWW so many times when my dad spoke in my teen years that he used to beat me to it after everything he did. You know what’s even MORE embarrassing? Having your dad, formerly known as MARKY MARK rap about spanking you on a live radio show. YIIIIIIIIKES, Ella. I bet you regret telling dear ole dad to spit a few bars once he threw that down and then to add insult to injury outed you for losing your phone privileges. That’s like, social suicide. Ella can’t go back to school ever again unless you want her sitting in the bathroom at lunch and that’s obvious. Dad better hand out free Wahlburgers to smooth everything over. Also, I’m going to guess that Ella won’t be able to get a boy to call that contraband cell phone of hers until she’s like 35 with Mahk “I could’ve stopped 9/11” Wahlberg as her father.

4. Merry Christmas from the Tanners. Fuller House just dropped on Netflix in like April of 2016 and everyone “loved” it so much that they’re already announcing season 2 to arrive in early December. TWO SEASONS OF FULLER HOUSE IN ONE YEAR? WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE THIS? We laughed at terribly written and really bitter Olsen twins jokes. That’s what we did. Shame on all of you. I watched Fuller House because I’m a sucker for comebacks and I wanted to believe it would be great. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t. It turns out you can’t replicate 90’s gold like a toddler calling a stranger a cheesehead. Shout out to Michelle.

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Fun fact: Full House also premiered 29 years ago this week and what’s impressive about that is last weekend I did a 90’s themed pub crawl wearing a Jesse and the Rippers tee and the majority of our competitors still referenced Forever. Because gr8 music and mullets never die. Let’s forget about the tacky DJ sequel and just live in a world where shirtless Uncle J can ask the sky just what we have…and it will show forever.

5. RYAN GOSLING.

These are the same thing every time but like honestly though, any time we get a coveted appearance from the Gos himself, it deserves it’s own slot on the JUice. Same goes for JT, duhs. Unfortunately he has exclusivity with JFall and probably will never be in one of these.

BONUS: Let’s laugh at people falling.

I’m posting this because like every other BB this summer, I had Closer on repeat. I even went so far as to name my summer pics FB album “We ain’t ever getting older” becuase it’s a personal goal of mine to never get older. Bottom line is that last week I learned that The Chainsmokers are a coupla frat boy doucheronis via their Billboard interview where they talked about how their music is better than God and all they do is drink and get laid. KEWL. The hot one even had the balls to say that MTV screwed him over by having him sing live at the VMA’s and choke real hard. That was your decision to sing amongst an entire show full of lip syncers. Sorry your voice isn’t good, dude. Anyway, if you want to give a lot of dirty looks to your computer, read their full article HERE! Otherwise, just enjoy the above tumble from THE GREATEST MUSICIANS OF ALL TIME. Closer still bangs though.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 2/8/16

1. Squad Up. You come at the Queen, you best not forget she has an army that worships her. Kanye decided that truces are for lil bitches and debuted a new song last night at the Garden where he rapped that he could’ve had sex with Taylor Swift and also he made “that bitch” famous. And the entire world cringed. Immediate bestie reactions included:

Getting a head start on some spring cleaning. Here we go again.

A post shared by Austin Swift (@austinkingsleyswift) on

#Mood Today ♥️ Hand in Hand

A post shared by Jaime King (@jaime_king) on

Also, not for nothing, but do you think they’ll be selling these at the Great New York State Fair this year? I’d love to get one and maybe have them airbrush BaByGuRL at the bottom.

 

Double also, click here for Kanye’s self-involved babbling twitter rant that will probably be deleted right quick. Highlights include: Taylor came up with that lyric on her own, and his wife approved it so it’s Gucci. In addition, bitch is a term of endearment in the rap world. OKAY KANYE. #FACTS.

2. IT’S COMING. As the premiere date nears, the teasers are getting bigger and bigger (and my expectations get lower and lower.) This week 2 out of 3 Tanner sisters and a Gibbler debuted a new trailer on Ellen and talked more about the Olsen Twins because no one can let it the F go that they’re not a part of it. A little heavy on the “let’s nail every catchphrase from 1995 to show people what nostalgia looks like” but overall not horrible. I guess I didn’t realize until watching this trailer how perfect Deej is as a Danny 2.0. She was always a little neurotic and seeing her in this role makes complete sense. Can’t w8 to binge so hard on February 26th.

3. Craigslist Bros Get a Movie.

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Remember back when I was still in college and two Saratoga bruhs went viral for turning to Craig’s List for wedding dates? I do, because I almost applied. Why? Because they were hot and funny and going to a wedding in the town I lived in. HellooOo, OPEN BAR. Anyway, probably should’ve applied because they cashed in REAL hard on their 15 minutes of fame. They penned a book about how funny they are and then signed a movie deal allowing Zac Efron to play one of them. If that’s not winning, I don’t know what is. I wonder if they fought over which one was going to be played by Zac and which one by Adam Devine. Anyway, here’s the trailer for the movie. It looks pretty funny but seriously do these guys still live in the capital region? Get at me.

4. Where You Lead, I Will Follow (but maybe not)…

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Now that the Gilmore Girls reboot is official and starting to film, the comeback confirmations are piling up. Immediate sign-ons were obviously Lorelai, Rory, Luke, Emily then came the boyfriends Logan, Jess and Dean. And now they’re just F’ing with us and I’m not so sure if I’ll follow because they’ve thrown Sutton Foster into the mix, an actress who basically played a Lorelai carbon copy on Bunheads (produced by the same person as Gilmore Girls) and APRIL. THAT’S RIGHT. APRIL NARDINI the little NERD that broke up Luke & Lorelai is back to terrorize Stars Hollow. NO. THANKS. But really, I wouldn’t hate a Logan/Rory reunion, or a Jess/Rory reunion. Dean can kick rocks.

PS they’re literally bringing every character back except for Sookie. Which makes 0 sense. Kirk, Mrs. Kim, Lane, Paris, Michel, Christopher…everyone’s in except Melissa McCarthy. It’s gotta be a slap in the face that they would rather create a new character with Sutton Foster than bring back Sookie.

5. Ryan Reynolds is a DILF.

As if we didn’t already know this, but People felt the need to state the obvious and I’m not arguing it. RyRey getting another mag cover and probably hot bod spread really doesn’t bother me. Three cheers for DILFS and having the same taste in women. SERIOUSLY HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE LEGS?

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May your Valentines Day be full of trips to Red Lobster and mean muggin like Blue Ivy.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 1/11/16

1. Brett’s drunk and sexy. 

The song is obviously a banger and the video gives the ladies what they want: double the Brett. ALSO a pure bonus is the fact that Brett’s brother makes a cameo and is equally as sexy as Brett. Two thumbs up and fine holiday fun to the Eldredge brothers. I wouldn’t mind being the meat in that sandwich. Too much? Too little? Just enough?

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2. Adele’s Got Flow

What did we learn on the latest edition of Carpool Karaoke? Adele misses her mouth just as much as I do when drinking. *Stars, they’re just like us* She’s a closet rapper. She kind of talks like Eliza Doolittle. I want to be her friend…especially if she gets drunk and hands people money. Also James has got some pipes apparently? Even Adele was impressed. PS OF COURSE IT WAS RAINING IN ENGLAND. Double PS, Posh & Nicki approve:

 

3. Oscar Noms are Accidentally(?) Racist.

Click here to see full list.

The nominations for the most boring and lengthy awards show ever have been announced and apparently it was a little heavy on the whites. I can’t comment to any of the nominations specifically because I watch movies like The Duff and have not seen one single flick in the running. However, if Leo doesn’t take home the W, we strike. (JK I’ll never strike. I’m much too obsessed with myself to ever starve the world of my opinions during awards season.) Anyway, back on topic, the lack of diversity among nominees just guarantees us some edgier and “funny because it’s true” material from host Chris Rock. Don’t let us down, Chris. Also pls try to tell inapprops jokes without swear words or else we’ll be forced to listen to the bleep button all night again like a bunch of preschoolers.

4. Chelsea Does Drugs.

Watch trailer here.

Chelsea Handler ended her talk show on E a couple years ago so that she could sign a deal with Netflix for standup and an original series, where she apparently just tries different things each episode. Unfortunately, the first one is where she literally just does drugs. I think it’s time to call it a wrap on my girl Chels. I’ve read all her books and used to religiously watch her show but like c’mon, I don’t need to see her do hallucinogens. Plus, that little nugget Chuy is nowhere to be found creepily calling her Miss Chelsea. No thanks.

5. Friends Reunion-NAHT.

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It’s a REAL slow news week, and therefore I’m going to rant so hard. Hey everyone on Facebook, this is not a real Friends reunion. Some of the actors from Friends (and Will & Grace) are gathering to talk about a director and that’s that. If I see one more Buzzfeed or status about how everyone’s peeing their pants in excitement for a Friends comeback I’m going to lose my shit. Friends isn’t coming back. I want you to think long and hard about what you’ve done to not make this happen.

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RIP 1D (for real this time…probably.) Remember them fondly through this music video, handpicked by the biggest directioner I know.

 

Also since I feel so bad about this week’s JUice being mud, please accept this adorable vid of dog BFF’s hugging as a consolation prize:

 

 

 

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 1/4/16

HEY GUYS. Welcome to 2016. I took two weeks off from the JUice to properly shove Christmas cookies down my gullet and lay around in my PJs. ‘Cause that’s what the holidays are all about. You know what the holidays are NOT about? Having your family fat shame you and then suggest a weight loss competition. Thanks for ruining Christmas, G Family. Anyway, we’re back and better than ever exactly the same. New year, same Salty, yo.

1. Barstool is taking over the world, as they should.

I’ve been reading Barstool Sports since I was in high school (shout out to the bro-in-law for introducing me to the smut world at a young age)…and now I’m old. So it was pretty cool to see that this website and these bloggers that I’ve been fangirling over for so many years have taken steps to become a massive national brand. I didn’t know what blogging even was before Barstool, so ifso factso, they invented blogging. They’ve essentially been my source for news for the past 7 or 8 years, and I’m not even a little bit embarrassed to admit it. I can’t wait to see what they’ll do with an HQ in NYC and many more resources. But most of all I’m anticipating what will happen when they end up merely blocks away from Buzzfeed.

 

2. Yeah? Yeah.

Unless you’re living under a rock, you know that Making a Murderer quickly became that new hot shit over the holidays for Netflix binges. Although it’s not for everyone (there’s reading involved), I would highly recommend it not just for the juicy police corruption content–but more importantly for the accents and midwestern culture. I literally felt like Wisconsin was on another planet as I watched this–courtesy of my sister’s Netflix account because I am nothing if not a Grade A mooch. (Thanks Lexi) There’s nothing worse than having show FOMO. Start watching so we can LoL about Brendan Dassey giving a written criminal confession with the word “bombfire” in it togets.

3. Magic Mike 3 is a must-see. 

I’m kind of torn now. Do I like Channing’s original pony dance? Or do I like his wife reenacting it and forcing a lap dance on him where she pretends she has a big dick that she’s aggressively swinging at his face? I don’t know what to think. All I know is that was entertainment. Certainly triple makes up for Channing doing “Let it Go” and ruining my life forever. I can’t even see the screengrab of him as Elsa without getting it stuck in my head. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?! WHEN WILL FROZEN DIE AWAY FROM ME FOREVER? PS nothing is more obvious that Lip Sync Battle has absolutely nothing to do with lip syncing anymore than having two professional dancers on the season premiere. Double PS: need a new host, stat.

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4. Fuller House is a real tease.

These new pics were released because Netflix is going to milk the shit out of owning the Full House comeback. As they should. What have we learned from these stills that we don’t already know? Kimmy’s style has evolved from a light up dress and neon socks to cat cardigans from Urban Outfitters. Steph dresses like a hooch. And DJ looks like a kewl mom. And of course, good to see that they couldn’t buy a bigger couch to fit the rest of the fam on when they come to visit probably every day. Actually, now that I think about it, I wouldn’t be surprised at all if Danny lives in the attic apt and Joey still lives in the basement. Jesse and Becky have a mansion elsewhere, obviously. They’ve served their time sleeping on a bed that folds up to the wall.

5. Queen B usurps her Halftime Throne. 

BEY

It has been confirmed that Bey will grace us unworthy ones with her presence at the SuperBowl halftime show with Coldplay. I don’t think I need to remind anyone how epic her halftime show was in 2013. As if we didn’t already know how big of a deal Beyonce is, they somehow got her to appear during Channing’s “lip sync” of Who Run the World for .2 seconds, flip her hair, do one booty shake and abruptly leave. That’s how little Spike TV can afford Queen B. So you can imagine what it might cost for her to casj drop by the SuperBowl. Anyway, I’m officially excited for this year’s halftime show…I will be 1000% less excited if the rumors that Bruno Mars is also popping in are true. Don’t ruin a good thing.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 12/14/15

HEAVY video week. Hope you have headphones at work 🙂

1. Fuller House Sets the date!

After teasing at this show for months and months salivating over what characters would come back and where to set our expectations…we finally have a short trailer and release date. Look, I went into this reallllll nervous with PTSD flashbacks to the Boy Meets World-Girl Meets World transition. But Netflix knew that. And so they tugged right at my heart strings with the Miranda Lambert song and flashes of the iconic house. There’s even a Comet 2.0. Now I’m amped. February 26th can’t come soon enough. (If you want to get even more excited, check out my blog about what characters NEED to come back HERE.)

2. 1D Gives us 1LastGift. 

Before going on hiatus for (ever?) a while… 1D gives us the gift that keeps on giving here. Everyone who reads my blog knows that James Corden could do carpool karaoke with a rock and it would be my favorite thing ever made. Obviously he’s been trying to squeeze his way into the band for some time now and this was no different. Props for his rap segment. Also sucks to suck for the double L sandwich in the backseat. With the amount of greasy hair flipping that Harry did in addition to wailing every high note I’m gonna guess it’s not gr8 to be roadtrip buddies with him. Harry rides bitch like nobody else. Ain’t nobody gonna stop him from shining.

3. Jason Derulo is Magic Mike.

I know that music videos aren’t that hip anymore and not a lot of people like watching them but if you don’t watch 30 seconds of this and walk away impressed by Jason’s dance swag then we can’t be friends. I saw him live this summer (fo free, yasss) and he put on a SHOW. He didn’t stop moving the entire concert and it was beyond impressive. It didn’t hurt that he took his shirt off and flaunted those washboard abs either but whatevs. That’s why he’s Magic Mike IRL. I can always appreciate a fresh dancer because my moves begin and end with a side step and a head bop.

4. Will Ferrell as New Santa.

It’s been a while since we’ve had a Fallon clip on the JUice and it seemed right this week. Will Ferrell is constantly popping up on the show in weird costumes and doing random bits but this one made me giggle a little. As a “modern” santa (that gives off Guy Fieri vibes), Will talks about his love of Smashmouth while he fires off a t-shirt gun. Oh Santa, you’re such a bruh.

5. WOOK AT DA WITTLE BABIES.

A normal Friday Night Lights throwback pic is the best of the best. An FNL throwback pic where Riggins is wearing a silk shirt haphazardly buttoned? Game changer.

BONUS: Merry Christmas from the most beautiful Royals ever to exist.

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 Have a nice weekend. Something, something, May The Force Be With You…

JK go see Sisters this weekend.

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