JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 11/2/15

1. Ohhhhhhh, ah, ahhhhhhhhh this is ALLL THATTT, this is ALLLL THAAATTT. The OG cast of ALL THAT! reunited recently at Comikaze and I didn’t recognize anyone but Laurie Beth Denberg and Kel soooo yiiikkkeessss. But they were really excited to be famous again for a hot second and they all sang the entire theme song, originally done by TLC of course. Some of them also made an appearance at Comicon in October to throw it back to their famous characters and tell stories from back in the day so it will only be a matter of time until someone ships an All That official reunion or revival. One person we know won’t be joining in is Amanda Bynes, for obvious reasons. Also it’s been 20 years since the premiere of All That so bye, I’m ancient. I sincerely hope that piece of JUice was vital information for your every day life.

2. Say Hello To Your Friends…Babysitters Club.¬†

I feel like there will never be a week where I don’t include 90’s reunions because it’s all the rage these days. Sarry not sarry bout it that the 90s were the shit. Your favorite kid-loving, business-minded girlies reunited in Austin, TX this week. Why? Oh, cause it’s also their 20th anniversary….woo00oooff.¬†They all cuddled around each other and reminisced on the days when they spent a whole summer playing with snot-nosed kids. Who would ever choose that. But anyway, noticeably missing was Claudia–did they freeze her out because she almost didn’t pass that science test? (The brain, the brain, the center of the chain.) The girls are seen cozying up to Cokie Mason, so I guess they settled their differences with her. More importantly what does Logan look like now? Is he still a dreamboat. So many questions, most will never be answered. Oh, awkward, I guess one of my questions was just answered by the below tweet. HOW DO YOU LOSE A HUMAN?

3. Jason Derulo is on even when he’s hungover.¬†

Leave it to Jason to be clubbin it up until 6am and still be on fire with energy and charisma the next day. James Corden takes singers out for carpool karaoke every once in a while and it’s pretty much always hilarious but it’s not a secret that I have a monster crush on Jason Derulo and if you also do, then this 10 minute video is must-see-TV. When I’m in my car alone I like to refer to it as a concert and you better believe I’m hitting every high note. When someone else joins me in the car I immediately tone it down to whisper singing obviously because¬†they haven’t paid the proper admission for my angel octaves. The fact that James Corden is driving¬†with the actual singer of the music he’s listening to and he’s not holding back is awesome. No shame. Except for maybe those orthopedic sneaks he’s rocking during the dance scene.

4. Good news for your whiny emotional 13 year old self.

Good Charlotte is making a comeback. It’s possible that you might be thinking they have a more mature sound now that they’re both married adults, one with two children. Nope they sound exactly the same as the two whiny bitches who sang about murdering a girl’s boyfriend so they could be together. If you ever went through an emo punk rock phase in middle or high school you will rejoice in their new song. Here’s a peep at the chorus: “Like I’m dying tonight and the whole world is laughing, like everyone I love has gone away.” It’s such a shame that AIM doesn’t exist anymore because that would be a perfect away message for a rainy day…ending of course in LIFE’S A BITCH AND THEN YOU DIE. If you’re feeling like you might be a little too old and more emotionally well-adjusted with life to join Good Charlotte on their second musical journey, feel free to look back on the top angsty hits of your past years with my killer playlist here!

5. RHOBH New Season is Upon Us. 

And the most interesting part about this trailer is Gigi Hadid & Joe Jonas canoodling. No. Seriously. Not even Andrea Bocelli announced in YoYo’s fabulous accent could distract from the 1 second of teenage superstar interaction. Since everyone wanted to murder Brandi and her only ally on the show went back into rehab, we are down two characters which means of course that we will have two separate staged “hey thanks for coming over everyone, I want you to meet my friend blah blah blah, I think she¬†will get along great in our group.” One would think after so many different cities and season of the Housewives franchise, Andy would have found a better way to assimilate new cast members into the group they’re being paid to hang out with on camera, but whateva. I will be recapping until I want to stab my eyes out. At least I still have my girl Yo to keep me sane.

BONUS: Becky & Jesse are forever the cool aunt & uncle.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 8/31/15

1. America’s Sweetheart Sandy B is dating a silver fox.

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¬†It’s been reported that cute as a button Sandra Bullock is back on that dating grind years after that barf.com ex-husband of hers made her look terrible in the press via cheating scandal. The new man candy in Sandy’s life is photographer/model Bryan Randall. What you need to know about him is that he’s a silver fox and nothing else is important. Jk he has a daughter in college (yiiikes), is from Portland, Oregon and owns a successful photography company. I would like to congratulate two beautiful people on finding each other and hope that Hollywood doesn’t ruin their relashe. See–I can be nice when I want to!

2. TPain sang the hell out of Merica’s theme song.¬†Ya boy T-Pain is sick and tired of everyone saying he uses auto-tune because his voice is garbage can quality. Nowadays he’s done with buyin you a drank and he’s all about showcasing his real voice in public. He also wanted to add that he used autotune to sound different…NOT BETTER. So everyone shut the hell up and listen to T-Pain’s patriotic melody give proof through the night that he doesn’t need autotune.

3. Read the room, Shonda Rhimes. 

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In THIRSTY efforts to bring attention back to Grey’s Anatomy after they aggressively killed off the most beloved, delicious, fictional doc of all time, Ellen Pompeo goes full nudey magazine day on the cover of the latest Entertainment Weekly. Hey Shonda, 99% of your viewers are females who like to sigh over McDreamy’s hair and have fantasies about being stuck with him in an elevator…looking at Dr. Meredith Grey’s lady lumps isn’t going to bring him BACK.

4. Rugrats might be coming back…again?¬†

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Nickelodeon is hopping aboard the nostalgia train and has announced they’re looking back at their old school cartoons and might be rebooting some as a publicity stunt for people who grew up on their shows. I think this is where we need to draw the line. I can’t see myself sitting in my PJ’s at 24 and lawling at a bunch of babies who can only talk to each other¬†or Ren and Stimpy tell¬†fart jokes. It would be much appreciated if Nick could nip this right in the bud and actually follow through with their promise to start airing MK&A original movies and TV shows. MAKE IT HAPPEN, NICK. One episode of So Little Time in May doesn’t COUNT!

5. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE QUEEN! 

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Celebrate this holy day¬†with a little Love On Top because it’s impossible to listen to this song and be grumpy.

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