JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of March 30th, 2020

I haven’t blogged in a minute because the world is ending and nothing seems funny anymore but then when I really thought about it, I figured there’s some people out there who would much rather read about celebrities or listen to a new song or watch a funny video than consume news all day long, which creates more anxiety. So here we are. Turn off the news or take a step away from Twitter and constant scary headlines for a second to consume some nonsense and hopefully have a giggle. I’m going to try to be positive this week. See? I bet THAT made you laugh!

1. Stabler Returns.

It has been announced that Chris Meloni will reprise his role as Elliot Stabler on a new SVU spinoff because Dick Wolf never sleeps, unless he’s nestled snug as a bug in a bed full of money. DUN DUN. Seriously though, I’m not sure if it’s the quarantine or if people are just finally beginning to recognize what a DILF Stabler is but Chris Meloni is having himself a moment. (BTW I know that actors play parts but I refuse to believe Chris Meloni was playing anyone other than himself in Elliot Stabler.) I distinctly remember sitting down for day-long marathons on SVU with my sister and an unhealthy amount of snacks just to drink in the good cop, bad cop routine between Liv and Stabler. Stabler with his badass Irish anger would come in HOT and be like YOU WOULD SAY THAT YOU RAPIST WHO RAPES PEOPLE and pound the table with those bulging ‘ceps, then Liv would saunter into the interrogation room, gently hold Stabler back and in her soft, understanding voice be like what made you do this? Who hurt you? And boom. Confession. Liv and Stabler were the perfect duo and the day they wrote Stabes off the show was a sad one indeed. They’ve reunited here and there and posted nostalgic selfies to give the people what they want, but realistically what we really wanted was for those two to bang because the chemistry was through the roof. But whatever, I got sidetracked into basically writing SVU cosplay and the real topic here is that Stabler is making a comeback, we’ll keep our fingers crossed for a Liv-Stabes reunion (which I’m sure will be in season 1. Dick Wolf loves to cross-pollinate his spinoffs, look no further than the several weeks each year he spends putting his 900 Chicago shows together in one monumental TV event.)

Also, to FULLY prepare yourself for his return to primetime, feast your eyes on this tasty treat:

2. So Does Lindsay Lohan.

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Im back! 👀

A post shared by Lindsay Lohan (@lindsaylohan) on

If read the room were ever fully personified, it would be Lindsay Lohan choosing right NOW to announce her comeback and drop a new single that no one, I repeat not one single soul was looking for. And yet someone who thinks they are this important when literally no one has given them a second thought in many years is precisely what we needed. A good laugh at someone else’s expense is the best medicine, is what I always say. This B literally cleared her social media and released the above video at the beginning of the week as if she’s the second coming and the world has been WAITING with baited breathe for this. And thank GOD we didn’t have to wait too long or I would’ve probably chopped my own arms off in anticipation because today she dropped a new single and boy oh boy is it high quality music. Forget about the Lindsay that was a hot mess and moved to Dubai for a minute. Forget about her quick foray into club management in the Greek islands for reality TV. This is the real Lindsay, folks and I don’t know what we ever did to deserve it. In the words of LL in her hawt club tune, “shit got crazy.” But why am I still babbling? Just give yourself a listen to the HEAVILY auto-tuned (probably someone else’s voice in parts) tell you that Lindsay is coming back to herself and all will be ok.

And just like Tiger King dominated the world because we were all forced to watch white trash exotic animal owners fight with each other, this song will dominate as well. We’re all stuck inside and bored as hell and suddenly it’s like wow this song slaps and then it’s on repeat and guess what guys, we’re all Lindsay Lohan fans now. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles. THANKS, QUARANTINE. No gas though, this song (below) actually does slap and anyone who says otherwise can see themselves out from this blog. I will forever be grateful for the movie Freaky Friday giving me punk rockstar dreams and a desire to learn how to play guitar. (Obviously I took one lesson, complained my fingies hurt and never attempted again.)

3. Classic Adam Sandler.

Adam Sandler built an entire career upon dumb movies and talk-singing stupid songs and after trying to prove he’s a serious actor in Uncut Gems, this is just what we needed. It’s also very satisfying to see that even someone as rich as Adam Sandler still falls prey to a wife who loves a little Homegoods decor. I’m guessing Mrs. Sandler found the stunning piece of art in the background in 2015 when “You Are My Sunshine” was HOT in the streets of every home decor store on this planet. I’m also guessing I was v. close to a lifetime Teej ban for staging the below photo and calling their shit on Twitter. But that’s neither here nor there. The point is…celebs, they’re just like us!

4. Quarantine Sessions.

Obviously with the endless amount of time at home and people getting stir crazy, there has been an increase in content and people trying their hardest to entertain or generate some laughs and I just wanted to take this moment to give a special shout out to Cal, formerly of the band Timeflies. I’ve blogged about Timeflies before and Cal because not only is he a total babe soda, but he has the ability to freestyle and create songs on the spot. When he used to tour with Timeflies, his gimmick was that he would ask for a hat and a bunch of ripped up pieces of paper with terms about the school or the city he was performing for and then he would pull one out at a time and create a freestyle on the spot. Well he used this creative skill to start doing a new cover a day based on the world’s situation right now and the best part about it is that he thought it would be like a week or two in quarantine and he’d be done. But here we are now with no end in sight and he’s committed to just fully producing and recording a new song and video every day. So shoutout to Cal for creating quality topical beats each and every day with Quarantine Sessions. Don’t eva change. Below is a highlight reel, click HERE for his insta to see them all.

5. Handstand Challenge

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Anyone on social media has seen the millions of challenges that are cycling around as if it’s 1998 and we just re-discovered chain emails. From post a happy selfie to post a travel pic to post a puppy pic to the insufferable pushup or exercise challenges (barf all over me, if you ever tag me in a pushup challenge I’ll never speak to you again.) The world is challenge-happy right now and I’ll be honest this is a new one that I’ve discovered while looking for the last useless thing to distract you today. And WE HAVE FOUND IT. The handstand challenge where you put a shirt on while you’re using your core body muscles to balance upside down. And guess who can do it? ONLY ripped actors with personal trainers and superhero bods. I bet Chris Meloni can do it with that gleaming six pack of his. Seriously, Chris. DO IT. In the meantime we’ll pant over Jake Gyllenhaal, who I feel like I haven’t really thought of since the last time I listened to All Too Well and yet here he is with a little pony tail and a whole lotta body, making dressing while upside down look like a breeze.

Meanwhile, I’m out here spending 30 minutes huffing and puffing on the elliptical every day in my parents basement, dragging my ass up the stairs and then performing whatever song is playing through my headphones to the roomies to get them to laugh and pay attention to me. Same thing, really. (If you didn’t think I was going to work overtime to pivot all of this back to me, then you obviously don’t know me at all.) Handstand, shmandstand, I’d like to see you out of breathe scream-lip sync a song WHILE throwing your limbs around in a form of interpretive dance that should only be known as GANGLEROD. (Spoiler alert: neither song was guessed despite my commitment to the performance) Can only go up from here, now taking requests because I am determined to get one W.

 And for even FURTHER entertainment, feast your peepers on the day my family drank a bunch of homemade espresso martinis and decided to become TikTok’ers. First with our 90’s Beanie Baby knowledge, and then with our very first TikTok group dance. Because if you can’t laugh at yourself, you probably have a giant dump in your pants.

Inspiration:

Reality:

Stay safe, y’all!

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 9/23/2019

1. The Year of JLo.

If you feel like you’ve been hearing about JLo a lot lately it’s because she’s killin tha game. She’s 50, went on a world tour to celebrate herself turning 50, threw herself a star-studded birthday bash that I slobbered all over HERE, maintains the body of a 25 year old, got engaged to her “macho” ARod, starred in Hustlers, walked the Versace runway in her iconic boobalicious dress–this time with her legs fully on display and now she’s gonna do the damn Super Bowl Halftime show. I mean seriously. It’s not like she ever really stopped being a Bo$$ bitch, but this has definitely been a big year for Jenny formerly from tha block. And if you can’t already tell, I’m living for it. I mean I literally entered a contest a few weeks ago to win a trip to Montreal to be her date for the Hustlers premiere. It was basically just a marketing ploy to be added into the newest form of spam emails–in text form. But at the same time now when my phone buzzes and it says Jennifer Lopez, I look cool as hell.

Also I kid you not, as I was typing this I got a text from Jen telling me to hit up her new perfume pop up in NYC. Like chill gurl, I already have plans for tonight. (This is what rock bottom looks like if anyone’s wondering.) In continuing my JLo biggest fan parade, I saw Hustlers the other night and after her intro strip scene I literally had to mop up the drool that had collected on the movie theater floor. I understood immediately why there was a gentleman behind me who was there by himself. I also wished I wasn’t sitting so close to him. ANYWAY, back to the Super bowl, which I’m so jazzed about. It’ll feature Shakira as well and my friend Kat and I were just wondering what had happened to Shakira and Enrique Iglesias when I was telling her those were my two favorite CD’s in rotation growing up (I’ve always had hispanic flair, apparently.) So basically by Kat and I talking about Shakira (shout out Laundry Service), we brought her career back. Since it’s a Miami event, unfortunately it’s pretty much guaranteed that they’ll drag out ole Mr. Miami himself so he can shout dalé and MISTA WORLDWIDE a bunch of times. Ugh. Hopefully the gals will do a lot of booty shakin during baldie’s cameo to make up for it. Either way I’ll be cheering my homegirl on from the couch in my finest (faux) fur.

jlo

 

2. Stars Are Just Like Us.

Resident Hollywood Kewl Grl Jennifer Lawrence is getting married and has decided to partner with Amazon to help inspire future brides with a registry. At first I thought she released her actual wedding registry and was looking for these things and the public could just send her wedding gifts. That got me all sorts of triggered because if you’ll see below at some options, you’ll understand why I wondered WHY THE F AN A-LIST CELEBRITY IS ASKING FOR WINE GLASSES AND AN ADAPTER.

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Once I calmed down, I realized she’s being PAID BY AMAZON TO SUGGEST COMMONER THINGS FOR A WEDDING REGISTRY. She’s monetizing being a bride. Oh reeeeealllyyyy, Jennifer, you travel a lot for work and recommend this CASHMERE TRAVEL SET? GTFO of my face with that. Do us all a favor and copy your BFF Amy Schumer and do a surprise wedding with your closest friends like only celebrities can do. I BETTER NOT SEE YOU WITH A PEOPLE COVER STORY TELLING US WHAT DJ YOU RECOMMEND FOR YOUR NUPTIALS. click here for her full stupid ass registry.

3. Sit Down, Demi.

insideout

I guess I’m all sorts of fired up this week because this also made me mad online. Demi has written a memoir and is now on a press tour promoting it. Normal Hollywood stuff except that she’s been out of the Hollywood limelight for a very significant amount of time and now she wants to stomp on back through and shit all over Ashton Kutcher. NOT ON MY WATCH, DEMI. Some of her more click-bait headlines from the book include having a miscarriage while dating Ashton for only a few months, having a threesome because Ashton wanted to, and Ashton cheating on her and using the threesome as an excuse for cheating. Obviously, the way that Hollywood works, Ashton would’ve had a head’s up about all of this coming out so he’s prepared to deal with it. What REALLY fired me up though was when Demi went on Ellen and was basically blaming Ashton for her alcoholism. She also had the balls to be like I’m not attacking anyone, I’m just telling my story. Oh. Ok, Demi. So you’re going to say you started drinking because you thought Ashton wanted a cool girlfriend who could drink–when you were already 10+ years sober and rather than being like actually I can’t drink because I’m an alcoholic, you decided to throw that all away to be what you thought he wanted? AND THEN SAY IT WAS HIS FAULT?! COME OnnnnnnNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNN. She told a story of him posting a picture of her passed out on the toilet and called it shaming. In the words of my sister, “LIKE MAYBE DON’T GET SO DRUNK AND PUKE IN A TOILET IF YOU DON’T WANT IT PHOTOGRAPHED.” She also added that her husband has taken many drunk and embarrassing photos of her and she’s not gonna cry and write a book about it. I can vouch for this because one time Nikki and I went to Dollar Thursday Night at the Syracuse Sky Chiefs game–a phenomenal summer staple (now ruined…probably because of us) where all beers and hot dogs were $1. We got trashed then came home and reheated Olive Garden breadsticks and ate them on her kitchen floor. I took a photoshoot of her posing on her floor with the foil breadsticks bag in her mouth like the calendar girl that she is and uploaded that shit RIGHT to Facebook. So honestly Demi, a pic of you passed out is NOTHIN. Cut the shit. #TeamAshton. Also, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that Mila didn’t die her hair because of Demi’s tell all. So let’s relax with that.

mila

4. Diplo <3’s the JoBros

Remembs when Sophie and Joe got married after the BBMA’s and Diplo live streamed it and I was jelly because I’ve always wanted to be casually a part of celebrity stuff like that? Well apparently they didn’t want him to do that and now it’s turned into a giant joke kind of like Diplo’s fashion sense. Here’s a new collab between the two that doesn’t stink. Plus it shows that the Jonas Brothers actually have a bunch of personalities, which I would not have guessed from seeing them in concert. What is hilarious, is that Diplo is trying his hand at “country” by using his real name. This is apparently one of his country songs. Someone get back to me on which part of this song is country music.

5. Hot Girl Fall.

Since I introduced y’all to Hot Girl Summer–the anthem that allows girls to hoe out and attribute it to a season, I felt that it was important to also share Hot Girl Fall. Cause bitches love fall, and I love that Megan Thee Stallion is playing right into basic betches everywhere. Get it, girl. Although I won’t be celebrating fall just yet because beach season lives on until the first snowfall in my mind, maybe I’ll mix in a pumpkin ass beer this weekend in honor of theeeee stallion.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 4/11/16

1. Ryans make babies at the same damn time. Allegedly.

“Sources” and “Reports” say that Ryan Gosling/Eva Mendes & Ryan Reynolds/Blake Lively are both expecting baby numero dos. I’m not going to doubt the notion that hot people have sex all the time, so this seems about right for timing of expanding the families. Unfortunately I can’t really comment on how these babies will look because both couples have selfishly kept their kids private and not even given us one little peep via their instagram or whatever. Rude. Regardless, the two hottest Ryans in the world procreate at the same time and everything is all going to be okay. Fingers crossed for Blake’s bump debut at the Met Gala and prayers that Eva doesn’t wear sweatpants when she’s having a fat day for 9 months. Cause Ryan will dump her. Obviously.

ryan-gosling-hey-girl-8

2.  Baby Boy Clarkson has arrived.

WHEW. So I wasn’t far off in assuming that she was about to drop some fluids all over the American Idol stage during that medley. Just a week later and that baby was OUT. Probably would’ve given Idol a little more clout if she dumped the kid out right on-air but whatever. No pics yet, but his name is Remington Alexander. River and Remington. Doesn’t get more country than that.

3. Move over, Uncle J.

Seriously, John Stamos may be top dog of comebacks and riding high this year (not literally, he is sober.) but he can be taken down with one single selfie. Uncle J, who? The Olsen twins have crawled out of their cave of ciggs to grace the social media world with an ultra cool black sunnies selfie. MK may still look just a touch like the cryptkeeper but Ashley is crushing this. I accept.

4. Megan Fox Should Go On Maury. 

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#notthefather

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Megan is preggers again but also separated from hubs Brian Austin Green so America was like omgggggg who knocked her up?!?!?!? And she responded being like lolz I didn’t sleep with any of my co-stars. OBVIOUSLY Bri is the father, but the fact that Hollywood is a place where having babies with your co-stars is casj city apparently made this news. (This still isn’t really news but I’m stretching to find five blogworthy headlines this week.) Also this gives me a chance to formally complain about her role in New Girl this season. Could that have been a lamer guest star stint? She was like oh I’m so BA and hot and kewl and then falls in love with Nick and peaces out. Nice knowin ya, girl. Oh yeah, spoiler alert. As if New Girl is must-see TV enough to be worthy of a spoiler alert.

5. Here’s a picture of Jimmy Fallon trying out a mustache. (1:57 mark)

I used to watch the Tonight Show consistently and I stopped when I moved to poor people TV without a DVR but this made me want to start watching again…for little nuggets like this. Jimmy trying out the stache. For the record, I think it’s in everyone’s best interest that he never do it again. But also realistically that picture needs to be printed on a mug for the JT mugception joke.

 

Sorry for the subpar JUice, now go into the weekend and think about what we all did to deserve a shitty tour video for New Romantics. Think long and hard about it.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 4/4/16

I took two weeks of from JUicin (I realize how disgusting that verb sounds) because Hollywood was really boring me and I didn’t want to in turn, bore you. I’m thoughtful AF, what can I say. Hopefully this week’s updates are worthy. If they’re not, WUTEVER, I tried.

1. Idol is OVER. PSYCH!

Last night was the finale of American Idol and everyone was like wait that’s still on? But apparently it wasn’t really the finale because the creator said this week that it’ll be back and then when Ryan Seacrest had the phoniest “Goodbye America”, he tacked on “for now” at the end. Don’t do this to yourself, Idol. It’s like when 7th Heaven was like whoa 10 seasons is a lot…time to throw in the cap and then came back for an 11th and everyone was like no we’re done with you. Don’t get fanfare about leaving forever and then be like gotcha! We’re back! American Idol is dead. And while we’re at it I’m going to declare The Voice dead. Ooohh sue me. Singing competitions don’t accomplish anything but recently divorced coaches romancing each other and a bunch of people repeatedly being nicknamed after their plight in life. i.e. “Give it up for the once homeless David!” I didn’t expect to rant there but it happened and I’m glad everyone knows how I feel about singing competitions. Now for the good stuff. Kelly Clarkson’s bang piece medley, Carrie’s legs, and Brian Dunkelman getting a paycheck again. Good for you Dunks!

FOX's "American Idol" Finale For The Farewell Season - Show

dunkz

2. Anne Hathaway’s Baby.

anne

One of Hollywood’s most hated (for no reason, really) just popped out her baby and gave us all another reason to knock it off with all that hatefire. Her and hubby named him Jonathan Rosebanks Shulman. Since I often report on the dumbest names in Hollywood I thought it would be nice to commend Anne for this very classic and normal name.

3. The Little Mermaid LIVE. When I first saw that the Hollywood Bowl was doing The Little Mermaid Live I assumed it was a show that would then probably be taped and sold to a network. So when I saw that Sara Bareilles was Ariel I was like cool where the F is her long lucious red locks? And when I saw that Rebel Wilson would play Ursula I genuinely felt bad. I mean it can’t be a great thing to have someone be like, you know what, you would NAIL IT as Ursula.

ursula

Then I used my first grade reading skills to actually find out more about it, (I graduated college, nbd) I realized that they’re just playing the film on silent and doing the voices live. Which is SO MUCH WEIRDER. Who pays to see a movie with new voices? Also, John Stamos will be joining in. Because OF COURSE.

4. Gilmore Girls Gossip. Since everyone wouldn’t let it the F go that Melissa McCarthy wasn’t invited back to play Sookie on the Gilmore Girls reboot–which to be fair was really shitty of them and their classic cover-up of “she’s too busy” didn’t really cut it when Melissa was like yeah they never called–all is right again because Melissa will return to Stars Hollow after all. WHAT A SAVE.

Entertainment Weekly also dropped a little behind the scenes issue this week in which we learn that Rory is an English teacher (duh) and Luke and Lorelai are probs together if this photo of them holding hands is any indication. (Double duh) They didn’t really seem like the type of friends who thought handholding was casj.

roryteacherlukelorelaigilmorerebootGG

5. THA real LIP SYNC BATTLE.

No days of learning choreography, no fancy costumes or cross dressing, let’s get right back to the OG Lip Sync Battle where Jimmy channels his inner Zayn on the floor of the studio and Melissa eats a lot of leaves, rainwater and confetti while becoming one with nature and Pocohantas.

Bachelor Fans Bonus: OP Jr. has arrived.

onion

The woman that once rambled on about onion pomegranates, the Mesa Verde and asked worldly questions like “What are you? It doesn’t matter.” is now a mom. Let that sink in this weekend. Also Brooks is SUCH a TV name. Expect to see him on BIP in 20 years. (Because we all know it’ll never be cancelled.)

 

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 2/22/16

Happy Friday and Happy Full House day. Full disclosure, I’m on episode 4 of Fuller House (“working” from home) and it’s ROUGH. Guess they didn’t want to take my advice to bring back Tommy Page or Rusty. Spoiler alert: they did reference the “dad” song, which gave me a chuckle. The rest did not. So that really put a damper on my weekend.

1. Put Baby in the Corner, Seriously. I last reported about the Dirty Dancing remake when I learned that Abigail Breslin was cast as Baby and whined about it to the world. Welp, I’m whining even more now because they’ve cast Johnny and he’s all abs. His credits include tossing Pink around in a super dramats music video like she was a stuffed animal, and some theater things…but more importantly, his 100-pack that was shoved in my face real hard. So I say stick Baby in the corner and do a solo number with your shirt off. That’s how you get ratings. You’re welcome world.

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(Seriously, watch this video, it’s real impressive.)

2. Heeeeeeere’s BRUCEY. You know how the internet loves to do that thing where they find an actor that was pre-puberty and probably a little chubby and awkward and then show us that they’re an attractive human today? (ahem, Neville Longbottom.) Well they did just that with good ole Bruce Bogtrotter. Known for annihilating an entire chocolate cake onstage to the chants of his fellow classmates, Bruce was probably my childhood hero. In fact, I’ve pretty much lived my entire life looking just like him after I’ve finished a meal. Because you haven’t really eaten anything until you feel like you’re going to boot all over the chokey, amirite?

youcandoitbruce

ANYWHO, now for the big reveal, he’s in his thirties now and like, a normal man without a weight problem. Some might say he’s a cutie. (Can’t say the same for Matilda these days…)

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3. Demi’s got pipes. 

I get the feeling that Demi takes a lot of hate for getting her start on Disney and then quickly spiraling into a coke-fueled rehab sitch, but I’m here to point out that there’s really no need to hate Demi because she’s got a voice like whoa. She proves it a lot but I feel like there’s no better proof than when she rips a little Xtina impression and brings us all to church. Plus, anyone who can perfect a Fetty Wap impersonation is good in my book.

4. Baewatch. Baywatch has begun filming and Zac Efron is in it. Need I say more?

5. Two Ellens for the price of one.

Ellen doesn’t properly get made fun of because she has ruled daytime television ever since Oprah retired to do a bunch of Weight Watchers commercials about how much she loves bread. Thanks to Kate McKinnon and her obnoxious “I’m Ellen” sketch, we get to see someone poke fun at Ellen on her own show. Although, how hard is it really to two step and snap every day at 4pm?

AND THAT’S THE JUice. Right, Robert?

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 12/14/15

HEAVY video week. Hope you have headphones at work 🙂

1. Fuller House Sets the date!

After teasing at this show for months and months salivating over what characters would come back and where to set our expectations…we finally have a short trailer and release date. Look, I went into this reallllll nervous with PTSD flashbacks to the Boy Meets World-Girl Meets World transition. But Netflix knew that. And so they tugged right at my heart strings with the Miranda Lambert song and flashes of the iconic house. There’s even a Comet 2.0. Now I’m amped. February 26th can’t come soon enough. (If you want to get even more excited, check out my blog about what characters NEED to come back HERE.)

2. 1D Gives us 1LastGift. 

Before going on hiatus for (ever?) a while… 1D gives us the gift that keeps on giving here. Everyone who reads my blog knows that James Corden could do carpool karaoke with a rock and it would be my favorite thing ever made. Obviously he’s been trying to squeeze his way into the band for some time now and this was no different. Props for his rap segment. Also sucks to suck for the double L sandwich in the backseat. With the amount of greasy hair flipping that Harry did in addition to wailing every high note I’m gonna guess it’s not gr8 to be roadtrip buddies with him. Harry rides bitch like nobody else. Ain’t nobody gonna stop him from shining.

3. Jason Derulo is Magic Mike.

I know that music videos aren’t that hip anymore and not a lot of people like watching them but if you don’t watch 30 seconds of this and walk away impressed by Jason’s dance swag then we can’t be friends. I saw him live this summer (fo free, yasss) and he put on a SHOW. He didn’t stop moving the entire concert and it was beyond impressive. It didn’t hurt that he took his shirt off and flaunted those washboard abs either but whatevs. That’s why he’s Magic Mike IRL. I can always appreciate a fresh dancer because my moves begin and end with a side step and a head bop.

4. Will Ferrell as New Santa.

It’s been a while since we’ve had a Fallon clip on the JUice and it seemed right this week. Will Ferrell is constantly popping up on the show in weird costumes and doing random bits but this one made me giggle a little. As a “modern” santa (that gives off Guy Fieri vibes), Will talks about his love of Smashmouth while he fires off a t-shirt gun. Oh Santa, you’re such a bruh.

5. WOOK AT DA WITTLE BABIES.

A normal Friday Night Lights throwback pic is the best of the best. An FNL throwback pic where Riggins is wearing a silk shirt haphazardly buttoned? Game changer.

BONUS: Merry Christmas from the most beautiful Royals ever to exist.

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 Have a nice weekend. Something, something, May The Force Be With You…

JK go see Sisters this weekend.

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JUice, Uncategorized

Weekly JUice

Week of 11/23/15

1. Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Sing.

It has been announced that Friday Night Lights will go the musical way much like The OC and Cruel Intentions AND Scott Porter will play Coach Taylor. No. Thank. You. Look, FNL is the stuff. It’s the greatest show ever made and Coach Taylor is the best football coach in the world. WE DON’T NEED TO SING ABOUT IT. I have a low tolerance for breaking into song mid-sentence and I’m not seeing how a show that featured roughly 2 songs the entire series could ever make song and dance believable in the story line. ALSO Kyle Chandler is Coach Taylor and Coach Taylor is Kyle Chandler. No one else should ever utter that famous phrase, regardless of if they’re a Dillon insider or not.

2. Grease Live first peek.

I realize the contradiction of shitting all over a musical above and then hyping this one but Grease is a STAPLE. How else are girls going to learn that wearing leather pants and red lipstick while smoking a ciggy will ALWAYS get you yo man? Anyway, the cast looks gr8. I mean Julianne Hough is pretty much perfect for Sandy. Even Vanessa Hudgens surprised me as Rizzo. There’s a strong possibility that I watch this to see how it plays out chemistry-wise. Here they are hand jivin it up to get you on board.

3. Magic Mike Wedding.

Sofia Vergara and Joe Manganiello got hitched last weekend and in a surprising move, Sofia posted all wedding photos on her personal Instagram. Boss move by her to be like hey it’s my wedding and I’ll do what I damn please with the pics. She obviously looked bangin body-wise but I’m not fully understanding the concept of the wings on each side of her dress. Anyway, I can only assume that there was PLENTY of stripping between her hubs and Channing and I’ll just let that fantasy play out in my mind a little further if you’ll excuse me.

 

4. Little Saylor Girl.

SAYLOR. JAMES. KRISTIN’S NOT EVEN REAL HOLLYWOOD AND SHE JUST DROPPED THAT HOLLYWOOD NAME. Don’t worry Bristol Palin also called dibs on it and needed to make it clear that she picked it first and isn’t a total poser. K, Bristol. Thanks so much.

 

5. Hello…

Because you can’t go five minutes without hearing Adele and also because my family made it a new tradition yesterday to just keep whispering Hello….over and over again. Here’s the British powerhouse with her classroom toys version on Jimmy Fallon.

BONUS: TIS THE SEASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

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