Television

Grease LIVE! Review

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I went into this one with real low expectations and assumed I would be turning it off halfway through. Mostly because even though John Travolta is a big creep-dogg now, his role as Danny Zuko was easily my first crush (I’ve got a thing for bad boys) and I had a hard time imagining anyone else taking his place as the Zukster. I would call last night the first successful TV musical and I think everyone in America agrees. Mostly because of Aaron Tveit’s hips. Really though, in the sand, under the docks, I’d smooch this boy anywhere after last night’s performance. Here are the highs and lows of a musical based on the premise of a girl changing everything about herself for sex.

 

YES:

-Seriously Sandy, stop being such a square. Kisses from a guy with an open button-down make everything better.

 

-My favorite college bar used to play Summer Nights every single Saturday, which is just good business. Get a bunch of college kids boozed up and then have them scream in unison “NIIIII-HEIIIGHHHTTTSSSSS”. Needless to say, after damaging my eardrums from that on repeat every weekend, I was a little nervous for the live rendition. They nailed it though. Speaking of nailed, I feel like Danny’s friends should try it sometime and maybe they wouldn’t be so hard up for his beach hookup deets.

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-LET THE HIP THRUSTS BEGIN. He could have sung Lamb Chop Sing-along here and I wouldn’t have noticed at all thanks to those hot moves. Seriously, were they even singing about a car?

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-All hail the 50’s for their athletic nut huggers

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-I don’t remember Frenchie being such a feminist in the original Grease, then again I also don’t remember a country that wasn’t aggressively racist and segregated in the 1950’s but that’s neither here nor there. In modern-reboot world, black students don’t have to drink from a separate drinking fountain, they can hand jive with the rest of ‘em, and Frenchie is a capital F feminist. She yaps to Sandy about how she doesn’t need Danny, she can be an independent woman like they teach in home ec. And Sandy’s like yeah whatever I’m gonna go buy some leather pants and get my man.

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-Vanessa Hudgens as Rizzo slayed. Hudgens lost her dad this past weekend and went on to crush it as everyone’s fave sloot. She was sassy and looked like a real dime. Even her solo at the end was good and if we’re being honest that was always a song I skipped so I could get right to “tell me about it, stud” goods.

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-Was it lame that they had to edit song lyrics and keep the kisses PG for primetime? Kind of. Was it AWESOME that they didn’t tone down the dancing? Yes. I’d like to personally thank Fox for allowing this to air:

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It looked like a Miami club all up in that gym. Except of course, for Sandy…

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Cool moves, grl.

-I wore leather pants out Saturday night and totally had a hot guy crawl around the bar after me too, and pass out from how hot I looked… (Not..jealous..at..all)

 

 

NO:

-Although it pains me to say this, because Boyz II Men are the originators of babymakin music, but after their performance as the teen angels, I think they’re past their prime. In other words, they’ve come to the end of the road. ZING.

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-Related but also unrelated to Boyz II Men, Carly Rae Jepsen kinda sucked as Frenchie. The original Frenchie was so much better. She even outshined Carly as the waitress at the diner. Yikes.

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-This new song was alright, but nothing’s weirder than the guitar guy roaming around the gym trying to distract us from our very own “who wears short shorts” commercial in the flesh, via Danny Zuko.

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-The infamous drag race where there’s fire and cars getting chopped up and a terrifying villain named Leo with pockmarks all over his face was DUST in last night’s version. I understand they have limited resources on a sound stage but they didn’t even try that hard to make it look like they weren’t in a stationary car making a bunch of intense faces. I stand by my tweet.

-If they had a carnival set up outside WHY DID THEY NOT HAVE THE ENTIRE FINAL SCENE THERE? Starting in the gym and then driving golf carts around the set to finish the show was super dumb.

-Yeah, yeah, smoking is the worst but Bad Sandy NEEDS a cigg here. How is she supposed to stomp it out with her heel and look like a leather-clad minx while doing it?

 

-Related: you can’t have the final scene without the scandalous Shake Shack shimmy and the flying car. No argument. End of discussion.

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Oh, obviously Julianne Hough was great as Sandy. As if that was ever a question. The girl’s a profesh at everything and cute as a button. From one Bad Sandy to another, I’ll just continue to be bitter about the fact that she got to mack Aaron and stuff…

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JUice, Uncategorized

Weekly JUice

Week of 11/23/15

1. Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Sing.

It has been announced that Friday Night Lights will go the musical way much like The OC and Cruel Intentions AND Scott Porter will play Coach Taylor. No. Thank. You. Look, FNL is the stuff. It’s the greatest show ever made and Coach Taylor is the best football coach in the world. WE DON’T NEED TO SING ABOUT IT. I have a low tolerance for breaking into song mid-sentence and I’m not seeing how a show that featured roughly 2 songs the entire series could ever make song and dance believable in the story line. ALSO Kyle Chandler is Coach Taylor and Coach Taylor is Kyle Chandler. No one else should ever utter that famous phrase, regardless of if they’re a Dillon insider or not.

2. Grease Live first peek.

I realize the contradiction of shitting all over a musical above and then hyping this one but Grease is a STAPLE. How else are girls going to learn that wearing leather pants and red lipstick while smoking a ciggy will ALWAYS get you yo man? Anyway, the cast looks gr8. I mean Julianne Hough is pretty much perfect for Sandy. Even Vanessa Hudgens surprised me as Rizzo. There’s a strong possibility that I watch this to see how it plays out chemistry-wise. Here they are hand jivin it up to get you on board.

3. Magic Mike Wedding.

Sofia Vergara and Joe Manganiello got hitched last weekend and in a surprising move, Sofia posted all wedding photos on her personal Instagram. Boss move by her to be like hey it’s my wedding and I’ll do what I damn please with the pics. She obviously looked bangin body-wise but I’m not fully understanding the concept of the wings on each side of her dress. Anyway, I can only assume that there was PLENTY of stripping between her hubs and Channing and I’ll just let that fantasy play out in my mind a little further if you’ll excuse me.

 

4. Little Saylor Girl.

SAYLOR. JAMES. KRISTIN’S NOT EVEN REAL HOLLYWOOD AND SHE JUST DROPPED THAT HOLLYWOOD NAME. Don’t worry Bristol Palin also called dibs on it and needed to make it clear that she picked it first and isn’t a total poser. K, Bristol. Thanks so much.

 

5. Hello…

Because you can’t go five minutes without hearing Adele and also because my family made it a new tradition yesterday to just keep whispering Hello….over and over again. Here’s the British powerhouse with her classroom toys version on Jimmy Fallon.

BONUS: TIS THE SEASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 10/19/15

1. Gilmore Girls is next aboard the Netflix ship.

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A series is never dead in today’s world. After Gilmore Girls reunited at the ATX Festival this year and we all saw that Lorelai hasn’t aged a minute, while Luke apparently hasn’t stopped aging, this obviously got the ball rolling for reunion rumors. Apparently creator Amy Sherman Palladino has had the last four words of the series written for like decades and now she’ll have her chance to show them with Netflix creating four 90 minute episodes and the grand sunset on Stars Hollow. As a Team Anyone But Dean gal, I’ll be anxious to see who will be the next in a lineup of very important boyfs for Rory, and obviously if they bring that little homewrecker April back I will send a strongly worded letter to Amy about how she’s betrayed everything I’ve ever believed in TV. Other than that, let’s see what they’ve got for those fabulous Gilmore Girls!

2. Adele is BACK.

I don’t really know how long she’s been gone but it was just the right amount of time if you ask me. I needed at least a year to get over the fact that while I was studying abroad in Florence they played Rolling in the Deep on repeat ad nauseum any time there was a speaker available. I think this made me irrationally angry toward Adele, but the beauty of it is she popped out a little nugget, disappeared for a hot second to be a mom and now I welcome her back with open arms, all irritations forgotten. Obviously she still has a powerhouse voice and her next album will sweep all the awards so it was nice knowin ya while it lasted, Sam Smith. No seriously, do you think Sam Smith heard this song and then sent Adele an anonymous letter that told her to go back into retirement because there’s only room for one soulful Brit to win all the awards in America? Just wondering.

3. Zooey Deschanel named her daughter something quirky.

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At this point I feel like the joke’s on us. Celebs put their heads together and say what will illicit the largest general audience eye roll for a baby name. First name: Elsie, Middle name: Otter. Although I commend the somewhat normal first name, they could have easily gone with River Otter if they really wanted to play into this but just the light touch of a furry water species that one would associate with campgrounds was apparently enough weird for them.

4. At the risk of beating a dead horse, Perfect got more Perfect.

Here’s the black and white music video for 1D’s perfect and if you were questioning if it actually is a response to Style, look no further than the several thousand artsy shots and closeups on Harry and that glossy, wild mane of his. The Hawaiian shirt though, really?

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5a. Tori Kelly goes Poc on us.

Apparently there’s a celeb Disney compilation CD in the works–including a J.Derulo version of Can You Feel the Love Tonight…gonna need that to enter my ears stat. But anyway, Tori the goddess of singing tackled Colors of the Wind. I’m going to be up front about it and say that I thought Pocahontas sucked as a Disney movie and I wouldn’t even think of giving this song a second listen but her version is obviously spectacular.

5b. Casting News. Mario Lopez joins Grease LIVE as Vince Fontaine, who if I remember correctly was somewhat of a creep. So not sure about that one. Also Chris Rock was announced as host of the Oscars this year and I hold out hope that having a standup comedian hosting again is just what we need to save ourselves from endless shitty bits and musical numbers that have turned past hosting gigs into trash city. Bonus points if he drops an uncensored F bomb while hosting. The world needs a little more edge is what I think.

BONUS: JT was inducted into the Memphis Hall of Fame this past weekend aka he came out of hiding aka he looked like a dime and was funny onstage and bro’ed out with his boyfriend Jimmy Fallon.

PS He slobbered all over his wife, his “rock” and said he loved her more than he could express in any song so I guess they’re pretty solid…whatever…

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 7/6/15

1. The Royal Family is adorbs city. We’ve got some new pics from little nugget Charlotte’s christening and I’m not kidding when I say that these two kids are the cutest little smushes that side of the pond. Frame this, screenshot it, whatever…it’s the rarest of things to ever see me talk about a child, let alone admit that it’s cute. I stand by this statement though.

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2. J.Law goes all Cher. Zany Jennifer Lawrence everybody’s goofy celeb favorite is back in the press for promoting the final(?) Hunger Games and she’s obviously acting like a real goober. Here’s her busting out into a little Cher with her HAWT BFFs/Costars on Conan.

3. Harry Styles fell onstage. I’m putting this in the mix because falling, much like farting, WILL ALWAYS BE FUNNY. Call me immature (I obviously am) but a good tumble will always put a smile on my face. So much so, in fact, that I had a SUUUUPER embarrassing fall up the steps coming from the train this past winter while wearing a skirt and tights and uggs (Uggs are the silent killer…seriously they should put a warning on those bad boys that they’re trip hazard city when you buy them) anyway back to my cringeworthy fall, I tripped over my Uggs on one step then tried to catch myself and tripped again and basically ended up crawling up the rest of the steps because my legs were like we’ve forgotten how to function please pick up the slack here. There were probably one trillion witnesses behind me but I pulled it together and never looked back. However, every time I think of that fall I laugh out loud. So long story short, I feel you, Harry. The fall that leads to an even bigger fall is the real deal. Now let me make fun of you.

4. Kristin “STE-VHENNNN” Cavallari is having a girl. Kristin and Jay Cutler are on their third kid and this piece of juice is really just for my ‘Guna shippers because did we EVER predict that the black choker wearin’, “my car is DUNZO” shoutin’, Cabo pole dancin’ sloot from Laguna would be the organic obsessed mommy that she is today? Like this is completely a shock, right? Anyway, she’s cranking out a girl this time which I’m guessing she’s probably pretty excited for after two boys but also she’s going to have 3 kids under the age of 4 and that sounds like a NIGHTMARE. Congrats, though girlfraaan.

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5. Fox casts Danny Zuko for Grease LIVE! 

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Julianne Hough has already been cast for Sandy and now they’ve announced our Danny will be Aaron Tveit and I’m honestly not quite so sure how I feel about it. John Travolta was a real hunk as Danny Zuko…like probably my first crush, which is super mortifying to admit now that he’s got scary face but he could get it when he was in that leather jacket. I’ll need some convincing with this guy and also I will probably never ever watch this program because musicals suck unless they include Zac Efron singing about whether he should choose basketball or acting. Life is so hard, especially when you have to break into song randomly.

BONUS: Because I love Amy Schumer a whole lot and can’t wait to see Trainwreck…Here’s John Hamm pretending to be Bill Hader and the two of them just acting like a couple of assholes in an interview.

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