Tag Archives: Eva Mendes

JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 5/9/16

1. RyGos played us. Because of course we learn about a Ryan Gosling/Eva Mendes pregnancy like while they’re popping that thing out. Gos Girl #2 arrived this week and they’re really sticking with the Spanish names, as this one is Amada Lee Gosling. I did some research on the Google and Amada means “beloved” so I guess that kinda sucks for Esmeralda. She’s no longer the baby –who, face it, gets spoiled in every family AND she got the short end of the stick in the naming department. Roof stoof, girl. Since we’ve never even seen baby numero uno, don’t hold thy breath for a snapshot of the newb. Damn celebs and wanting their privacy. So selfish.

2. New HaWt Coups Alert.

A shirtless Robert Buckley plays basketball on location for ‘Lipstick Jungle’ in New York City.

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Apparently Robert Buckley and Lea Michele are dating, which I approve of very much. Lea is a babe, Robert is a babe. Teen drama royalty. End of discussion.

3. What Would Playboy Spence Think? (WWPST?)

Our favorite LA slut, Brody Homeboy Jenner is finally settling down. I mean, realistically he was already settled for quite some time now but the ring makes it official. No more Vegas birthdays with Frankie and the boys, or smooching Jenn Bunney on her birthday. Clearly I’ve never moved on from a fictional reality show roughly 10 years ago. Whatever. Either way that’s a rock right there! Speaking of rocks, do you think Spencer will be invited to the wedding? And if so, will he give them marriage crystals? Okay. I’m done.

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4. Marla Hooch still has it.

Geena Davis' 2nd Annual Bentonville Film Festival Championing Women And Diverse Voices In Media - Day 6

A film festival staged a reunion for the movie A League of Their Own, because reunions are SAH HAWT right now. As beautiful as Marla Hooch was in the original film, if this picture is any indication, she’s still GOT IT. Hot damn, ladies! Sooks that they couldn’t get Rosie or Madonna… or even Jimmy Dugan. I feel cheated. JK I don’t because this picture made me laugh out loud.

5. Mikey Posner gets deep.

I saw a bunch of musicians tweeting about how this performance was a huge deal and since I suffer from severe FOMO, I powered up the ole YouTube and got to steppin to see what this was all about. Pretty cool considering this song as it was released was a techno beat and Mike stripping it down and making up lyrics on the spot made it a whole lot more relatable than poppin pillz on an island. Plus, if Matt Nathanson approves, SO DO I.

BONUS: Prince delivering burns from beyond the grave.

Prince, may he rest in peace, is still reminding the Kardashians that they’re garbage from 6 feet under. And I respect the hell out of it. First he kicks Kimmy off his stage for dancing terribly then he demands no Kardashians set foot on the same set as him. What a baller.

 

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 4/11/16

1. Ryans make babies at the same damn time. Allegedly.

“Sources” and “Reports” say that Ryan Gosling/Eva Mendes & Ryan Reynolds/Blake Lively are both expecting baby numero dos. I’m not going to doubt the notion that hot people have sex all the time, so this seems about right for timing of expanding the families. Unfortunately I can’t really comment on how these babies will look because both couples have selfishly kept their kids private and not even given us one little peep via their instagram or whatever. Rude. Regardless, the two hottest Ryans in the world procreate at the same time and everything is all going to be okay. Fingers crossed for Blake’s bump debut at the Met Gala and prayers that Eva doesn’t wear sweatpants when she’s having a fat day for 9 months. Cause Ryan will dump her. Obviously.

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2.  Baby Boy Clarkson has arrived.

WHEW. So I wasn’t far off in assuming that she was about to drop some fluids all over the American Idol stage during that medley. Just a week later and that baby was OUT. Probably would’ve given Idol a little more clout if she dumped the kid out right on-air but whatever. No pics yet, but his name is Remington Alexander. River and Remington. Doesn’t get more country than that.

3. Move over, Uncle J.

Seriously, John Stamos may be top dog of comebacks and riding high this year (not literally, he is sober.) but he can be taken down with one single selfie. Uncle J, who? The Olsen twins have crawled out of their cave of ciggs to grace the social media world with an ultra cool black sunnies selfie. MK may still look just a touch like the cryptkeeper but Ashley is crushing this. I accept.

4. Megan Fox Should Go On Maury. 

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#notthefather

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Megan is preggers again but also separated from hubs Brian Austin Green so America was like omgggggg who knocked her up?!?!?!? And she responded being like lolz I didn’t sleep with any of my co-stars. OBVIOUSLY Bri is the father, but the fact that Hollywood is a place where having babies with your co-stars is casj city apparently made this news. (This still isn’t really news but I’m stretching to find five blogworthy headlines this week.) Also this gives me a chance to formally complain about her role in New Girl this season. Could that have been a lamer guest star stint? She was like oh I’m so BA and hot and kewl and then falls in love with Nick and peaces out. Nice knowin ya, girl. Oh yeah, spoiler alert. As if New Girl is must-see TV enough to be worthy of a spoiler alert.

5. Here’s a picture of Jimmy Fallon trying out a mustache. (1:57 mark)

I used to watch the Tonight Show consistently and I stopped when I moved to poor people TV without a DVR but this made me want to start watching again…for little nuggets like this. Jimmy trying out the stache. For the record, I think it’s in everyone’s best interest that he never do it again. But also realistically that picture needs to be printed on a mug for the JT mugception joke.

 

Sorry for the subpar JUice, now go into the weekend and think about what we all did to deserve a shitty tour video for New Romantics. Think long and hard about it.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

1. Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds named their probably gorgeous daughter JAMES. WUT. Seriously, the amount that they annoyingly kept this name a secret until Ryan was finally hammered to death with name questions and finally he was like ITS JAMES, DAMNIT. I wish I never found out. It’s so Hollywood and I don’t want them to be Hollywood. Here’s hoping she goes by Jamie and we never have to think about this again. You let me down guys, but you’re still super attractive and cool so s’okay…I’ll let it slide. PS: James Reynolds sounds like an old British man who smokes cigars while wearing a houndstooth jacket. HOW DO PEOPLE NOT THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS WHILE NAMING THEIR CHILDREN?

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2. Miles Teller has lickable abs. Cutie pie Miles Teller revealed this before and after shot on Jimmy Fallon to show how he’s preparing for his role as a famous wrestler or something. I don’t remember because once I saw these abs I lost control of my brain activity. Don’t look at the stache, just focus on chin, down. Gratuitous Friday drool sesh. Happy Spring indeed.

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3. Eva Mendes says sweatpants=single 4 lyfe. Apparently Eva Mendes named sweatpants as the number one cause of divorce. It’s not difficult to surmise why I think Eva is a turd…could just be a little bit of the green eyed monster of BITCH MADE A BABY WITH THE MOST PERFECT MAN IN AMERICA. First of all, yoga pants are classified as sweatpants and they make girls asses look phenomenal. So we can cut the shit with the sweatpants shaming. Second of all, do you think she’s literally doing everything she can to hang on to Ry Gos? I mean, look at him… Ryan_Gosling_GQ_Dec14_10 Girl probably wore sweats one time (right after she gave birth to their future model child with an actual female name) and he was like meh and so now she spearheads the no sweatpants unless you wanna get yo ass left campaign.

UPDATE: All that is Holy, RyGos tweeted about this story…he’s pro-sweats so everyone CTFD.

4. Zayn Malik leaves One Direction. Dramz going down on the 1D international tour as Zayn has peaced out and there are rumors swirling that he’s cheating on his fiance or hitting up rehab. I tapped into the world of 13 year olds (not that difficult considering I basically am one) for this piece of juice. I will give it to those 1Directioners though, kid’s dreamy. He’s no Harry..but still…

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Anyway the only rehab I hope that he’s considering is one for wearing these TERRIBLE headbands to hold back his luscious locks. No seriously, even when these were in style in roughly 1998 I hated them because they basically punctured my cranium. Never forget.

zaynheadband

5. Kelly Clarkson rips a Tracy Chapman cover like nobody’s biz. KClark making a comeback with a new album and reminding us why she’s the OG of American Idol when she wails out this cover of Give Me One Reason.

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