2017 started with a bang for me when my best friend scooped me on three stories before I even got out of bed on New Year’s Day. I dropped the ball on that one and it was a rough start to the new year because if you know me, you know that nothing feels better than being the first to announce gossip to someone. It’s a warm fuzzy that can’t be beat. But anyway, some of this is Sunday news but I’m going to report it like it’s fresh, because even though I got scooped I still want to yap about it.
1. THE GINGE IS BACK!
I’ve been chomping at the bit to get new Ed & Tay and his comeback to social media for the announcement nearly killed me. A cryptic “new music Friday” video followed by teasers every day was just too much to handle. Finally when the 30 second snippet came out in the Snapchat filter Thursday night I was all in. In fact, I sat on my couch with the filter on repeat like I was Michael Scott crying to the preview of a James Blunt song over and over after Carol dumped him. No shame in the game. ANYWAY. It was Christmas morning all over again when Ed dropped not one BUT TWO singles this morning. Hot damn. And they’re both amahhhzzzing. More, more, more, moreeee!!!!!!
2. LC JR.
I’m not exaggerating when I say that LC’s pregnancy got me more excited than my own sister’s pregnancy. That’s probably because my sister is my favorite drinking buddy and LC isn’t, but whatevs. Regardless of the family drama I just probably caused, LC announced with a flawless ‘gram (seriously peep that glitter mani) and I am counting down the months until she posts pictures of her little nugget dressed to the nines like a baby fashionista.
3. Tilikum Has Passed.
Terrible news in the celeb death circuit again. Another star gone 2 soon. Tili was featured in the most depressing and real AF doc Blackfish. Sea World has murdered our beloved friend by keeping it captive in a tank instead of letting it swim free with all it’s fishy friends. Let’s send Tili out the only way I know how…rest in peace you precious angel. Soar into heaven like you’re flopping over the rock wall to escape the greedy humans.
4. BOOOOOOOM, Boom, AC’s Got Another SLAM, SLAAAM.
I didn’t think I needed new Aaron Carter tunes in my life until I watched this video and couldn’t look away. He is wearing a full face of makeup while he sings about some girl’s panties on his bed. Will it ever top the classic, That’s How I Beat Shaq? Of course not, don’t be preposterous. But if I’m ever feeling down on myself I know that all I need to do is fire up the Fool’s Gold vid and see how AC makes a comeback from his days two-timing Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan while cranking out hits. Spoiler alert: he does it by playing piano on his arm.
5. Let’s All Laugh at Mariah.
Not much happened after New Years this week so let’s take this moment to properly appreciate the hot mess express that was Mariah’s NYE performance. Girl, we all know you’re going to lip sync, it’s Times Square…at least stop talking during it and give us a shimmy or something. This was worse than the last time she murdered a live performance, RIP All I Want for Christmas Is You. But don’t worry, it was an inside job. Dick Clark sabotaging performances from beyond the grave. Either way, the best way to start off a fresh year is always by laughing at the misfortune of others, so thank you for this. Brought America together.
Is there anything he can’t do? Answer: No.