Weekly JUice


2017 started with a bang for me when my best friend scooped me on three stories before I even got out of bed on New Year’s Day. I dropped the ball on that one and it was a rough start to the new year because if you know me, you know that nothing feels better than being the first to announce gossip to someone. It’s a warm fuzzy that can’t be beat. But anyway, some of this is Sunday news but I’m going to report it like it’s fresh, because even though I got scooped I still want to yap about it.


I’ve been chomping at the bit to get new Ed & Tay and his comeback to social media for the announcement nearly killed me. A cryptic “new music Friday” video followed by teasers every day was just too much to handle. Finally when the 30 second snippet came out in the Snapchat filter Thursday night I was all in. In fact, I sat on my couch with the filter on repeat like I was Michael Scott crying to the preview of a James Blunt song  over and over after Carol dumped him. No shame in the game. ANYWAY. It was Christmas morning all over again when Ed dropped not one BUT TWO singles this morning. Hot damn. And they’re both amahhhzzzing. More, more, more, moreeee!!!!!!

2. LC JR.

I’m not exaggerating when I say that LC’s pregnancy got me more excited than my own sister’s pregnancy. That’s probably because my sister is my favorite drinking buddy and LC isn’t, but whatevs. Regardless of the family drama I just probably caused, LC announced with a flawless ‘gram (seriously peep that glitter mani) and I am counting down the months until she posts pictures of her little nugget dressed to the nines like a baby fashionista.

3. Tilikum Has Passed.


Terrible news in the celeb death circuit again. Another star gone 2 soon. Tili was featured in the most depressing and real AF doc Blackfish. Sea World has murdered our beloved friend by keeping it captive in a tank instead of letting it swim free with all it’s fishy friends. Let’s send Tili out the only way I know how…rest in peace you precious angel. Soar into heaven like you’re flopping over the rock wall to escape the greedy humans.


4. BOOOOOOOM, Boom, AC’s Got Another SLAM, SLAAAM.

I didn’t think I needed new Aaron Carter tunes in my life until I watched this video and couldn’t look away. He is wearing a full face of makeup while he sings about some girl’s panties on his bed. Will it ever top the classic, That’s How I Beat Shaq? Of course not, don’t be preposterous. But if I’m ever feeling down on myself I know that all I need to do is fire up the Fool’s Gold vid and see how AC makes a comeback from his days two-timing Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan while cranking out hits. Spoiler alert: he does it by playing piano on his arm.


5. Let’s All Laugh at Mariah.

Not much happened after New Years this week so let’s take this moment to properly appreciate the hot mess express that was Mariah’s NYE performance. Girl, we all know you’re going to lip sync, it’s Times Square…at least stop talking during it and give us a shimmy or something. This was worse than the last time she murdered a live performance, RIP All I Want for Christmas Is You. But don’t worry, it was an inside job. Dick Clark sabotaging performances from beyond the grave. Either way, the best way to start off a fresh year is always by laughing at the misfortune of others, so thank you for this. Brought America together.


Is there anything he can’t do? Answer: No.

Pop Culture

Turkey Day Highlights

I made the sacrifice on a relaxing day full of family and food, to permanently glue my ass to the couch and consume everything on TV this morning just for you guys. You’re welcome, really. Here are the greatest hits of the Macy’s parade and the National Dog Show…should you be sick of family time and looking for some reading material post-turkey nap.


Macy’s Parade:

-Baldwinsville marching band does a SASSY rendition of a daft punk medley and reps CNY for all to see.

-Meghan Trainor performs a new song that I dig hard on a children’s toy float. Gurrrl power.

-There’s a Sea World float with Shamu that feels like it shouldn’t be included due to the fact that ever since Blackfish came out everyone hates Sea World. Read the crowd, guys…

-Nick Jonas wears the shit out of a peacoat and sings Jealous Guy…atop a cruise line float, which leads me to wonder if people get to pick the float they ride on?

-Matt Lauer is forced to describe balloons as if they are celebrities walking down the red carpet. “And here comes Paddington Bear wearing his signature hat and jacket…”

-There was a Peter Pan preview/performance and I got even less excited for the premiere of this live show next week–which means my excitement levels are in the negatives currently.

-MKTO got me revved up by singing Classic (still can’t get sick of that one) and also they won the float lottery with Ninja Turtles, MKTO has street cred, yo.

-In my dad’s words: Kiss “blew shit up again…ya gotta love ’em.” Though I don’t share this opinion, their performance was miles better than the weird video game salute dance that was shortly after.

-They promote the new Annie with that little 7 year old who almost swept the Oscars and brought a dog purse to the show a couple years ago, Jay-Z’s version of Hard Knock Life will ALWAYS be better, jus sayin.

National Dog Show:

(I didn’t see the whole show, sorry I’m not sorry, some of us had to take public transportation to our thanksgiving destination today)

-So many sensible shoes in one room, so little time.

-I saw a lot of ugly dogs and I didn’t think that would be possible considering how much I love puppies.

-Speaking of ugly dogs, the hairless black one that looked like an animated dog from Harry Potter will haunt my dreams tonight.

-What was the deal with the handlers eating their dogs’ treats? Share the wealth, guys. Nobody likes a tease.

-When my dad and I were contributing absolutely nothing to dinner, sitting on the couch making fun of dogs and my mom asked if he would come carve the turkey he replied, “No, they’re about to announce the best in show.” Happy Holidays from my family to yours.

-The man, the myth, the legend, Edd “Double D” E. Bivin was the Best in Show judge. What a rockstar.

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-Nathan the Bloodhound won but let’s be straight up here…the sammy was ROBBED with the second place award. The sammy trotted around with an ear to ear grin and looked like a fluffy pile of happiness and was also well-behaved so WTF, Double D Ed?! I demand a recount.

Screen shot 2014-11-27 at 8.39.57 PM

Tha real MVP.

bloodhound Screen shot 2014-11-27 at 8.39.38 PM



Hope ya’ll had a nice Thanksgiving and stuff. I never thought leggings could feel constricting but that’s a place I got to today. Proud of it.


PS I didn’t want to have to go here, but Pitbull came close to ruining the day when he performed in Dallas as the halftime show. He did the same medley of songs he does every time he hits a stage and he was wearing creepy gloves and shades and grinding up on the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. Can we have a solid week without him on TV orrrr?