Pop Culture, Uncategorized

Celeb-oween 2016

As per tradish, here’s a rundown of all the celeb costumes I could find — from offensive, to naked and everything in between. And of course, the winner of this year’s “accidentally racist” costume that they immediately needed to issue an apology for is…….

Casamigos Tequila Halloween Party

YIKES. Outta left field with that one! Didn’t expect sweet ole Hil (who dressed as a basic bitch black cat last year) to fall for this trap.

Also to be clear, every gossip site who described her getup as a “sexy pilgrim” costume should also be issuing apologies because there is nothing sexy about a pilgrim.

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Miss Piggy & Kermit. My OG @allymaki

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Colton Haynes has been creepin up on Heidi Klum as Halloween extraordinare but enough is enough. I understand that Miss Piggy as a character is a slutty pig, but that doesn’t mean we need to see her naked, playboy style. TOO FAR, COLTON.

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Ok last one I promise 🦄🦄🦄🦄

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This year’s unicorn costume SLAAAYYYYY.

Enough time has passed since the incident for this to be ok. Hil, take notes. Getting mauled by a tiger? Give it some time and then ease back into it. Native Americans, on the other hand? Always a no.

No clue what this is supposed to be.

Hey what’re you dressed as tonight? Fairy Queen of the Swamp.

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Tinkerbell is a spunky one ✨💫✨

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What a perfect costume for CCB. Prayers to whoever is rocking those giant feet next to her.

My fave couple killing it power ranger style.

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About last night 🤘🏻#CasamigosHalloween

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Fam Goalz.

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Creep like a Ninja

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Glen Powell, better known as Chad Radwell with my favorite costume of the year. HI-YAHHHH.

Always a good time to throw it back to Alfalfa.

Whoa.

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Scott rides again Resist him if you dare

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WTF IS THIS?! I’ve never wanted to unsee something more.

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have you ever seen a more "why me?" face 😭

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Needs more flair

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Baby Luna CRUSHED Halloween. See Chrissy’s insta for no less than 1000 pictures of the little nugget modeling different costumes.

Speaking of nuggets, here’s ole smooth moves over here as Marty McFly.

As always, winners of the fam costume.

 

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And so we begin the “friendly” portion of Halloween. Playboy bunny from someone who I wouldn’t be surprised to see a sex tape from in 2017.

bellathorne

You know how cowgirls love to wear their lingerie with a bedazzled belt over it.

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I’m not following on this number for Julianne Hough.

SHE WORE THIS WITH HER CHILDREN. THEY ARE OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW HOW RIDICULOUS THIS IS.

xtina

I’m torn here. This is so spot on but like also tone it down with the skankwad costumes every year, girl.

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Thanks for showing us your nips.

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Ah yes, of course. “Santa”. If Santa had never seen a cookie in his life and also wore sparkly hot pants.

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It felt right to follow up the sexy anything segment of this blog with Mindy’s Cap Sully costume. Which of course, is the opposite of sexy.

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BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!

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Bey & Blue in an ode to Salt n Pepa

Celebrities attend Kate Hudsons annual Halloween Party in Los Angeles

Katy Perry upgrading from the time she dressed as a literal cheeto, to full-on Hil. Not sure why Orlando Bloom is Trump instead of Slick Willy. Pretty weird coups costume dynamic.

Casamigos Tequila Halloween Party

LC Queen of DIY Halloween with another banger.

"Matthew Morrison hosts his 7th Annual Halloween-Birthday Party Presented by Freixenet Cava and Podwall Entertainment at Hyde, Los Angeles"

Nina Dobrev’s “I’m a complete dope” face really completes this costume.

Casamigos Tequila Halloween Party

Real life Ryan Lochte went for terrifying this year.

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Is this a real rabbit because it is creepy AF.

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Zach Braff looks like a babe soda

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Stranger Things from Amy & her hot boyf. Truth bomb, that hairstyle doesn’t look unrealistic with Amy’s face.

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Only time will tell if everyone gets outraged at Kelly for dressing up as Beyonce. Seems like a touchy subject lately. Cough cough, Amy Schumer.

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Hard pass to Michael Strahan as Pikachu.

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Well this is, interesting.

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LEO! WHY COVER THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE OF YOURS?!

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Nothin’ quite like dressing up as your younger self and realizing how old you are.

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Demi looks like a dime.

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Today Show tackled the 90’s, which of course I approve.

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Is this the first year Matt has dressed as a male character?

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Even the Today Show pup is killin it.

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Seems a little early in the morning for a hooker costume, but whatevs.

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Did I doooooo thaaaaaattt?

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I cannot and will not stop laughing at Kathie’s Reg face.

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Jenna Bush mailing it in and “dressing up” as her Grandma.

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Ellen and a very low key Heidi Klum as Sia and Maddie. Tough look to have multiple Sia’s in the daytime TV world.

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I already posted a solo shot of Candace as Tink, but it’s necessary to look at the whole cast of The View. Did they not learn ANYTHING from Today Show’s abomination of Peanuts last year? CARTOONS DON’T WORK IRL. This is what nightmares are made of.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN.

End of the day update (since I guess people actually dress up ON Halloween…whatever.)

WAY better than the power rangers. Cause, Doodle.

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We get it, Mario. You’re ripped.

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Enough with the Trolls. The movie isn’t even out yet and JT’s been hawking it since May. Also, those feet.

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Saw a lot of Lochte but didn’t see any Phelps face and I ‘preciate this. Gabby on the other hand is SO four years ago.

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It’s not fair.

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Do better Tay. I mean, I get that you’re bragging that you know Ryan Reynolds by wearing the actual costume, but also the squad can do better than a bunch of basic costumes. Especially when you’re all rich AF.

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Channing COULD NEVER be the beast.

Barbie dreams come true. But that second Insta Blue is CLEARLY like ok enough pics let’s go get some G-D candy now.

And for the big reveal…Heidi Klum’s infamous costume this year that she built up for FAR TOO LONG is

Taking a page out of Kimmy K’s book from last year, Heidi dressed up as herself then took it one step further and dressed up 5 other women like herself, complete with face prosthetics. Kewl.

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Movies

Hocus Pocus Season Is Upon Thee

HocusPocus

It’s October…a month when pumpkin spice assaults every food, drink & aroma, you didn’t really go apple picking with your boyfriend unless you instagrammed it, and MOST IMPORTANTLY the only month it’s acceptable to watch Hocus Pocus. I don’t get down with off-season holiday movie viewing. It’s not ok to watch Christmas movies in July and I’ll never allow an early or late Hocus Pocus viewing. It feels sacrilegious. Anyway everyone knows this was the greatest Halloween movie ever made and rather than try to convince you of that (you should need no convincing), I’d prefer to thank the creators of Hocus Pocus for gifting us with so many things, five of which I detail below.

1. Yabbos. Did you ever think this word could be used to describe a top notch rack? No you probably didn’t, but that’s what’s so great about pervy Max Dennison letting it slip to his annoying little sis that he was all about Allison’s yabbos. There are several slang words for boobs but yabbos will always take the cake–just silly enough to illicit a laugh, but not downright inapprops like “tits”.

yabbos Max-Allison-Hocus-Pocus

2. Halloween Music. Normally we’re more of a Christmas music nation but why can’t Halloween music be a thing? Oh, because it doesn’t really exist. Well fret no more because the Sanderson Sisters are back and they’re here to put a spell on our ears. Once you forget about the fact that this song is actually their way of keeping the parents distracted while they snatch up all their kids and drink their souls…you can focus on how it’s a real banger. Now dance, DANCE UNTIL YOU DIIIIIEEEEE.

The second song in this movie is probably more for the acquired ear because it’s terrifying and creepy but hey…so is Halloween! Put on this little number when you’re getting ready to lure a bunch of kids to your cabin in the woods so that you can snag their spirits and become young and beautiful. I don’t need it right now, but maybe in a few years I’ll start learning the words. (Not for nothing, but aren’t Sarah’s yabbo’s a liiiittttle distracting during this broom-writhing performance?)

3. The only cat I’ll ever love. Look, it’s no secret that I’m team dog 1000%. Dogs are cute, cuddly, loyal and fun. Cats are shady MF’ers who stalk around the house and plot your impending death. HOWEVER, I will gladly bite my tongue about cats when it comes to Thackary Binx. Thackary is the redemption for all cats, mostly because he’s actually a rather adorbs seventeenth century boy who looks out for Max, Dani & Allison.  He also gets pretty sassy with the sisters and often reminds Max what a virgin loser he is for lighting the black flame candle. Hey–it’s not like he can die, so why not dish it out?

hocuspocus_binx thackary

4. Booooooooook. It’s not every day that a regular inanimate object gets it’s own singing cat call. Winifred’s call for her spell book is something that still lives on today because it’s funny and everyone can appreciate a good throaty book call. Something that goes hand in hand with this for no reason at all is Winifred’s infamous bucked teeth that reside on the outside of her mouth. For example, I happened to be at a bar last winter and a girl was there with teeth that just wouldn’t fit behind her lips and all I had to say was that girl has Winifred teeth and everyone understood what was up. Boom. Roasted.

boooooooooook

5. A slutty Disney witch. Forget about slutty Disney princesses, Hocus Pocus gave us Sarah, a dum dum who would much rather slow dance with the devil or make out with a mummy than snatch up some kids. Carrie Bradshaw, who? SJP plays her best character with Sarah and brings most of the laughs (#2 is clearly Mary the side-mouthing moron.) Anyway, it’s always delightful when you’re little and inappropriate jokes fly right over your head then you re-watch the movie and see that it was actually really dirrty. Sitting on the bus driver’s lap pretty much sums that up. Thank you for being you, Sarah.

pervybusdriver beautiful   playmummyHocuspocusAMUCK

Now get watching or… gotohell

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