Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2015

vs finale

The VS Fashion show is always right around the time of year when I’ve already had my winter body for roughly 2 months. And yet I still plop my ass on the couch in an oversized sweatshirt surrounded by snacks so that I can comment out loud to myself “she’s TOO skinny.” All in all I’d say it’s an annual success in reaffirming that my daily regiment of eating every hour and never exercising makes me a supermodel at heart. It’s the inside the counts. Last night Taylor Swift and her runway star power was sorely missed but there’s never really a shortage of things to giggle at.

Highlights:

-Last year I ripped on the amount of kisses blown and how the angels actually discussed their preparation for getting the right wink.. Well of course there were 1 trillion more facial spasms this year but the new move seemed to be the shimmy into a wink. It was a welcome change from blowing a kiss at the end of their strut. I’d rather see them toss those moneymakers around than give dramatic air smooches.

-With Kendall’s debut as an angel, it was to be expected that the Kardashians would snake their way into the spotlight. Momager Kris was probably salivating at being the equivalent of an Awards Show Taylor Swift with the amount of times the camera cut to her in the crowd doing this (every.time.Kendall.walked):

Amy-Poehler-Mean-Girls-Dance-1441746086

-The Weeknd wasn’t briefed on how the models like to clasp hands when they walk by the performer and watching him navigate that on the fly was downright entertaining.

-Definitely wasn’t jelly at all of this…her core is like TOO flawless, ya know?

Ab show https://t.co/PC06SL8GML

— feitelberg (@FeitsBarstool) December 9, 2015

-Ellie must have learned from last year’s near Ariana Grande beheading because she just missed a decapitation by some ferocious butterfly wings. (Also did 90’s Mariah Carey design this show? What’s with all the butterflies…)

-YIKES:

-Selena Gomez takes on the Pink collection, which is essentially cute PJ’s, sports bras and cotton briefs yet she wears this and it’s OUTRAGEOUS. I love Selena but she’s gorgeous all on her own. I don’t think she needed to pop in blue contacts, ask for her spray tanner to make her a different race and wear a silk dress that was one shimmy away from a nip slip. Read the room, Sel.

-Selena would’ve stood out even more except that the Pink collection quickly turned into a slutty Halloween costume contest. WHAT was happening here?! A cop, a firefighter, an astronaut, a girl LITERALLY carrying a surfboard? As if the wings aren’t enough of a walking liability?!

-Winter wonderland was the best collection by FAR. Especially Candice. DAMN.

-Sucks to be this chick wearing ACTUAL firecrackers. WINK.

-If we’re being honest I’ve seen more extravagant fantasy bras in years past.

Fluff Pieces that made me laugh:

-A backstage promotion of Instagram and who has the best account/most followers quickly snowballed into “how to take the perfect selfie.” As the young’ns rattle on about angles and lighting, Adriana Lima stomps on them by pointing the camera at herself and saying, “TA-DA! I’ts not that hard.” HAHA you rookie idiots, watch Adriana, you might LEARN somethin. Realistically when you look like her… it IS supes easy to take gorgeous selfies.

Miami traffic this week sucks

A photo posted by Adriana Lima (@adrianalima) on Oct 15, 2015 at 8:50am PDT

Chilling😊😊☺️ 🇧🇷🇧🇷🇧🇷🇧🇷🇧🇷

A photo posted by Adriana Lima (@adrianalima) on Oct 8, 2015 at 12:13pm PDT

🚿 SHOWER TIME 🚿

A photo posted by Adriana Lima (@adrianalima) on Sep 24, 2015 at 6:49pm PDT

-The squad wouldn’t be the squad unless they took a few moments to casually insert how much they loved being in the Bad Blood music video and strutting down the 1989 stage. Lily was like fantasy bra? Who cares! I’m BFF’s with Taylor!

-A detailed workout segment that ended with one of the angels saying, “I totally think we’re athletes”…I’ll just leave that one there for you. Interpret it as you will.

-“It’s a little weird walking past your sister’s boyfriend in lingerie but it’s gonna be great.”-Gigi letting us know that her and Bella are SO Hollywood. JK I’m obsessed with Gigi and she looked amahzing in the show. Real proud of her.

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-Lily speaks to the fantasy bra while the grumpiest security guard in all the land stands watch on camera. This is a bra made of colored gems, not Buckingham palace. Let’s calm ourselves.

-Annual holiday commercial features Tay “This Love”, of course. Hey—wait a second—Rome doesn’t look like that! It looks like thousands of people everywhere sweating and gladiators charging you to take a picture next to their toned pecs and tacky costumes. I guess Michael Bay envisioned a more magical Rome, whatevs.

We had ourselves a little #RomanHoliday…here’s the full commercial again. #VSFashionShow https://t.co/AomBXOEstp

— Victoria's Secret (@VictoriasSecret) December 9, 2015

Red Carpet, Uncategorized

AMA’s 2015 Red Carpet

I guess E! is just as excited to jumpstart awards season as I am because they started red carpet coverage at dinner time. Giuliana was unbearable interviewing actual celebrities so I can’t even begin to imagine what the first hour of the red carpet was like when nobody was there. Especially since her riveting line of questions included “what’s the difference between American girls and Australian girls, no bullshit answer.” Leave it to G to ask the hard-hitting Q’s. We only have more of that to look forward to in the coming winter months.

WORST:

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This is Tove Lo and it’s possible she had the worst dress of the night. When asked about it she said all the important parts are on display. Thank you for showing us your pikachu and rack, Tove. Here in America we don’t love that.

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BARRETTES. CHLOE GRACE MORETZ IS WEARING BARRETTES AND A BLACK CHOKER.

kyliejenner

Sucks that you have to walk the red carpet with your supermodel sister but like wearing dominatrix leather only made things worse.

paulaabdul

PAULA. You’re 53! I do NOT want to see your RB curts.

rebel

There has got to be a better way for Rebel to dress for her body type than this trash bag.

frankiegrande

What a subdued outfit for such a shy personality.

jennymccarthy

I have no words.

christinamilian

OMG Slutty Cindy Lou Who!

juliannehough

Not only is this impractical because every time she walks she flashes everyone AND her 90’s platforms make her travel at a snail’s pace, but it’s also butt ugly.

haileesteinfeld

I feel like this is a real front and back wedgie sitch waiting to happen.

ashleybenson

Ashley Benson is ready to take on a job interview.

biebs

Leave it to Biebs to wear a tee of a band he knows nothing about with some ripped jeans like a punk.

demi

The dress isn’t the worst thing in the world but this vamp hair/makeup is killing me.

gwen

Gwen has transformed into a skanky black butterfly!

giulianarancic

mEh.

danicamckellar

This is a prom dress. 100%.

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HARRY. Gawd. This suit. Also, trim those locks.

BEST:

selena

selena back

This isn’t my favorite Selena look but she’s still pulling it off.

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3 out of 4 in 1D dressed like suave gentlemen and I commend them for that.

kelseaballerini

Kelsea Ballerini showing off tasteful cleavage–take notes, Christina Milian.

wilmervalderrama

Wilmer would’ve upstaged Demi if they posed togets.

charlieputh

Charlie Puth keeping things spicy in a red suit.

COULD be a longer frock, but Kendall never really looks bad, especially when she stands next to Kylie.

lukebryan

Can always count on Luke to look droolworthy. His wife’s alright, I guess.

hannahdavis

I don’t LOVE this but it’s not horrendous enough to hit the worst dressed. Something weird’s happening around her boob region and I don’t know that Jeets would approve.

meghantrainor

Kinda hard to mess anything up with a plain black dress

nickjonas

Turtleneck CHIC.

5sos

I wanted to post this picture because it made me laugh out loud. The lead singer/guy HAMMING in the white shirt is clearly the hottest group member and he knows it. The one on the right is trying, but can’t compete with white shirt’s natural sex appeal.

ciara

Ciara wore this scandalous dress showing off her hot bod to be STUCK in the T-mobile corner for the entire show.

carrie

I can get down with a little cape from time to time. I think Carrie’s rockin it.

gigi

I went back and forth on this one for a while. On the one hand this is a whole lot. On the other hand Gigi has the perfect model bod and looks smokin hot.

zendaya

Congrats to Zendaya who made the best dressed list for dressing the most normal she’s ever dressed. She’s going all Lilly Pulitzer on us.

Red Carpet, Television

CMA Awards Red Carpet 2015

I particularly love doing Country red carpets because they’re the only awards shows where the men have equally as sassy outfits, if not more eye-grabbing than their lady counterparts. Don’t eva try to hold a country man down with their loud print suits and staple headwear. So even though most of you look like you scrapped together suits from the leftovers at a seamstress, I applaud you for keeping things spicy and going there instead of sticking to a boring black tux.

WORST:

Exhibit A of above rant. Shiny teal patterned jacket, chesties, and Jimmy Neutron hair. Thanks for being you, men of country.

I want to like this but it looks like she’s wearing a dress with spiderwebs all over it. And I really hate spiders.

Sweet black armpit flaps.

Thank God one of them wore black or this would’ve been a real eye sore sitch for Rascal. Oh wait…

Seems like maybe Kimberly bought this dress off Etsy.

I think wrapping a hot pink twin bedsheet around my body for a toga party in college was more flattering than this.

Jason will probably never make my best dressed list, so I hope he’s kewl with that.

This is the epitome of a horrendous bridesmaids dress from 1993. Also why is Erika Christensen at the CMAs?

You know what would be really wild? If Steven showed up in a slick tuxedo. That would turn some heads.

We have a TRUCKER HAT. I REPEAT, A TRUCKER HAT. And once you get past the shock of 2003 Ashton Kutcher, a white fedora, matching jacket combo deal.

Not really understanding this idea of sheer paneled legs. Just wear a short dress and call it a day.

No thank you, Jennifer Nettles.

He’s already pretty creeps and then throws on an embroidered jacket so that didn’t really help things.

The hair ruins everything for me here. Gelled pompadours AREN’T cool.

This dress reminds me of a mix between banana peels and leaves, either way it’s too weird

BEST:

This is really classy and elegant, especially for 1 out of 100 country awards. You go, grl.

Why couldn’t the Conrad sisters perform? THAT would be must-see TV.

Kacey threw me a curveball tonight. No arts and crafts accessories, no beehive hairstyle, she just looks pretty.

Beard’s got a weird jacket vibe going on but leather jacket Osborne is doing all sorts of things for me.

LeAnn with a sassy little frock. Showing Carrie she’s not the only country singer with stems!

Thomas Rhett was out shined by his smokeshow wife and her dress that I’m obsessed with.

What do you do when you’re about to see your ex-husband in front of the cameras for the first time? Dye your hair pink, duh.

A fall-influenced suit. Hell yeah.

I’m willing to overlook the baseball cap for this spicy burgundy suit on Cole.

Slow whistle for the future Mrs. Jeter. Hot diggity damn.

Everyone knows all JT needs to do is show up and he makes my best dressed list. Shameless.

Luke never fails to dazzle me but all I need from his is a white tee and baseball cap.

My boo.

Latest installment of “if you guest star on Nashville you get an invite to the CMA’s.” I don’t hate it. More Riley Smith for me!

I may hate Hootie gone country but I can respect tha hell outta this bloutfit.

I can get all down with this salsa number.

Didn’t get enough hot pink tonight and I like this one a lot. David Nail you look nice as well.

All because two people fell in love…they get invites to every Hollywood event ever. All in on Shawn’s suit, hard pass on Kaitlyn’s dress. I’ve seen a bajillion better outfits on her.

Thompson Square looking glam city.

Usually the one sleeve thing is a little jarring but I’m alright with this scandal.

If you follow Jana on insta, you would know she’s preggers because she makes sure to directly comment on her bump in every post so it makes perfect sense that her hand is essentially glued to her baby belly on the red carpet. Also fist bump for putting the pregnancy rack on display.

Princess Kelsea. Glad she made it to the CMA’s this year because her songs are fire flames and she’s a little cutie.

Ignore the stupid pose, ignore the stupid pose.

The Sleek Perry

I love this peacoat material jacket. Sophisticated AND trendy.

I laughed out loud when I saw Perry Bro 1 with his messy bun and realized this is EXACTLY what my hair looks like when I toss it up at the end of the day. Not sure if that’s a commentary on me or him.

Fave Look of the Night:

She may have 12 outfit changes throughout the evening but her red carpet look did it for me.

Red Carpet

Emmys 2015 Red Carpet

Back in biz with legit–no one is shouting profanities at each other or declaring their upcoming run for office–awards shows. Let’s get right to it.

PS I’d like to formally apologize for the abrupt change in picture size, I did this really hilarious and cool thing called dumping a glass of water on my macbook this weekend (woooooo party animal) and had to get ratchet to deliver this red carpet blog–half done on my phone, half on the computer. Shout out to mah bestie for loaning me her laptop for the night. True friends loan electronics for a completely unnecessary and inconsequential blog post. Needlepoint THAT on a pillow.

WORST:

Girl, we get it. Ya got some yabbos. Don’t need to always see them.

Do Less, Giulz.

I don’t understand how this is a finished product.

This girl is 15, and I get that when you’re 15 you want to wear a cute top and leggings, but like not on a red carpet.

Completely unnecessary embroidered shoulder hat.

It kills me to do this but I sincerely hate this mustard bottle color. I know she can look more glam, she crushes it ever other time.

She literally looks like a statue in this.

This outfit gives Tatiana an unfortunate jenis, err I guess since she’s wearing a tuxedo, a tuxenis.

Chains were apparently suuupes trend-doggs this year. I don’t love it. I also don’t love Hugh’s woof bedhead.

Eye sore dress.

Maisie decided to turn the Emmy’s into MK&A’s Sleepover Party, I guess.

I don’t know, I’m just not feeling anything about this look.

It certainly is Amy’s year but c’mon. This is not a flattering pick. Props for the hand fan though, I used to love setting that bad boy up on my desk at school only to have an immature little grubber stick his fingers in it while it was running.

Look! It’s the just sewn together cupcake.

Besides the very 70’s curtains bottom, that bright blue smokey eye is roof stooof.

I quite literally shrieked in fear when I saw this. American Horror Story is correct.

Matt LeBlanc looks like he’s working red carpet security detail. Bruh, act like you’ve been here before.

I feel like the Emmy’s aren’t the place to leave nothing to the imagination.

BEST:

Getting a breast reduction may have been slapping God in the face, but these warlocks look fab now. Very subtle and elegant.

Amy with the sassy cutouts, grrrrllll new hair, new you!

Aubrey is smiling and showing sass leg!

Gina always nails it, looking like a pretty princess

Quite possibly the only time Maggie has ever graced my best dressed. My friend thought her tan was too much but I can dig all up on this dress. She has a body! And doesn’t look like a frumpy aunt. STEPS IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION, MAGZ.

How anyone can wear a dress this tight and not have the mint they ate before hitting the carpet visible is beyond me, but Padma looks like a smokeshow.

Regina wearing a dress that reminds me of A Cinderella Story, coincidence?

Modern Family kiddies dress better than half the adults in the room. Smooth.

This dress accentuates her bod and not in a “gawd mom stop trying so hard” way

Gr8 fall color and perfect fit.

This is a little on the scandalous side, but it wouldn’t be Taraji if it wasn’t. (Again with the 2chainz though)

The best pink look of the night! Uzo looks fab.

Julie Bowen kept it simple and crushed it.

Sassy suits and setting an example for red carpet bros.

Wears the same dress every red carpet and yet, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.

This is a lot, but at the same time fits well and she’s workin it.

Matching lips and dress combo deal

Emma went ole Hollywood glam on this one and I’m all aboard.

LADY GAGA LOOKS LIKE A HUMAN. I REPEAT, NORMAL GAGA.

Billy looking sharp with a little front highlight.

Tina usually keeps it black and white and it’s timeless

I like Naomi’s dress by itself but I’m really digging these two looks togets.

January came in red hot with a onesie giving me some Little Mermaid vibes, in a good way.

I would like this dress, pls. Black floral deetz and a cutout for party in the midriff–can’t go wrong. Fave dress of the night!

Red Carpet

TIFF Red Carpet(s)

This past weekend was the Toronto International Film Festival and I was so moved by the celeb appearances (read: there’s not much else going on this week…blog-wise) I decided to collect the looks for a best and worst dressed. Kudos to the ladies because the good news is there were much more best looks than worst. This gives me much hope for awards season.

WORST:

This outfit is atrocious in all forms of the word.

I would be surprised if Dakota wore an outfit that didn’t make me want to upchuck fifty shades of vomit.

Drew coming up Granny on this one.

Cake topper Naomi Watts

WHAT HAPPENED. Did the seamstress sew togets a bunch of scraps?

BEST:

Starting out with the only male worthy of my list. Yum.

Sandy B bringing the bangs back!

My #2 girl crush looking like an angel goddess.

Who would’ve thought the littlest Olsen would end up the most normal? Speaking of, what’s Trent been up to…have they sold him yet?

It’s rare that Amber Heard isn’t wearing something edgy, she wears fairy princess well.

Spicy neon shoes.

A cute frock for Julianne.

Grow out the buzz cut and this would be top notch.

Naomi redeemed her earlier cupcake number.

Never in a million years thought Mischa Barton would look pulled together enough for a best dressed but it looks like time has healed her sloppiness. Well…almost, the dress looks gr8, hair could use a brush.

Imogen could double as a mime but she looks cute so whatevz.

Fall florals on Natalie Portman who clearly never ages.

Red Carpet

VMA’s Red Carpet

The awards show that brought us Lady Gaga’s meat dress obviously is held in high regard in the fashion industry. JK this show is always a trainwreck and it’s difficult to find a best dressed anywhere near the VMA’s but I did my best…just like it took Miley all of five minutes to do her best to force my dinner back up my throat.

WORST:

The day that I put Nicki on a best dressed list will probably be when hell freezes over.

I don’t even know what to make of this outfit. It’s like pirate meets salsa dancer meets hooker.

WITCH!

Fringe splosion. Not a good look.

Jillian Michaels brings us back to 1993. Also we get it, you have abs.

Bad Blood squad not faring well on the Ju…Color and style of this dress are blah.

I don’t understand how Kelly did Fashion Police for so long and continued to dress like a dumpster.

C’mon Tay. Act like you’ve owned the VMA’s red carpet before. This outfit is blinding, the hair is too slicked and it looks like she can’t keep her eyes open with that cat eye overload.

The safari twins going for matchy matchy neutrals.

Too many aggressive styles at once on this jumpsuit.

Britney. We talked about this. Please cover yourself. It’s getting embarrassing.

Justin, your hair, WOOF.

Obviously. We can go ahead and book every look of the night for Miley under WORST.

BEST:

Elegantly slutty is what I call this look. Also John with the leather pants? DAMN.

GET OUT RIGHT NOW, it’s the end of baby JoJo.

One of my favorite looks of the night. Tori’s crushing the going out party shorts

I don’t think it’s possible for Gigi to look bad.

Summer’s not over yet with this hot pink!

This dress normally wouldn’t be for me but Demi is rocking it

Selena says I’m classy AF with the black gown but also I’m not wearing a bra with the nips peek.

Nothing weird here, keep up the good work Cara.

I can appreciate the hippie chic on Vanessa.

SIIICK Loutfit from Nicky J.

And for all the squad shippers…of course Tay did the red carpet with the Bad Blood crew:

Red Carpet

Teen Choice Awards Red Carpet

It’s the dog days of summer and my bloggable material is at an all-time low. Speaking of lows, I stumbled upon a circumstance where I watched half of the Teen Choice Awards. Yeah whatever, I judge myself harder than any of you could judge me but the bottom line is I know we’ve all been itching for a new red carpet of questionable ensembles to judge and here IT IS. Think of it as a little warm up for the VMA’s, which we all know will be a downright shit show.

Worst Dressed

Robbie Amell is the hottest piece of ass on the cusp of his acting career and he WORE THIS? Also his fiance with the ABC Family original show looks lackluster at best.

Brit Brit. At least cover your cooch when you’re out with your children. Kewl rainbow hair though girl, you’re so on trend.

I will NEVER support men wearing tunics. This is some Justin Bieber shit, you’re better than that Mahomie.

Did she wrap a tablecloth on over some leggings?

“Daddy why is your shirt always wide open?”-Wiz Jr.

I don’t know what creation those pants/leggings are but no thank you.

The dress is 90’s which is like whatever, but to add the free hanging strands in her face really pushed it. Blossom.

Don’t say her name three times.

Zendaya holding up her end of the bargain to always look like she pulled her outfit out of a 3 year old’s dress up trunk.

I can’t tell if this is beaded or velour but it’s just not doing it for me.

This is an actual pants suit. I’m assuming from Ann Taylor. It’s not a sexy pants suit. It’s a Hillary Rodham Clinton pants suit.

Granny dress for Emma Roberts.

Our ice dancer number of the night.

No snakes allowed on the blue carpet.

Best Dressed:

This is an alright dress but what really knocked my socks off was when Rachel Platten sang Fight Song and wore all black with gold glitter kicks. Sneaker crush.

Sucker for a crop peekaboo.

One of those outfits I looked at and was like BLECH then looked at it again and was like ok I can get down with this.

I think this jumpsuit is SASSSY, plus what is an old person supposed to wear to the Teen Choice Awards anyway?

Crop Coordinates, FTW. Also really digging on that yellow.

Membs when Josh Peck was a heffer on Nickelodeon?

Aca-Smooth.

Maddie Ziegler is 12 years old and she dressed like she was 12 years old. No seriously, I’m applauding this outfit for being age appropriate. DON’T EVER GROW UP, GIRL!

Bella Thorne is crushing this dress and also wins for smokeshow couple of the night.

Only Uncle J can roll up to an awards show in jeans and a tee and pull it off.

One of the hosts of the evening and she always looks gr8.

LEA, GET IT GURL!!!!

For anyone wondering what you missed from not devoting any of your free time to an awards show for middle schoolers, here it is:

You’re welcome for not including a gif. This is a real thing that happened for more than one minute of the show. So that’s that.

Red Carpet

CMT Music Awards Red Carpet

We’re back in the swing of a country music awards show for every network, unfortunately this network is no longer a part of my cable package (elitist Comcast) so I really committed hard to delivering some bloggage. You better ‘preciate it. Probably the most difficult part of my night wasn’t watching an awards show on my laptop like a poor person, but it was trying to find enough people for my best dressed list. YIKES what slim pickins. Anywho…

Worst Dressed

WHAT THE HELL, SAM?! DON’T STRAY FROM THE HOT COUNTRY BOY UNIFORM. JEANS, VNECK, SMILE. DAS IT.

JT Hodges wore more sparkles than his wife. That’s supes embarrassing.

Jason Aldean will forever be stuck in the 90’s. Sweet corduroy jacket and flares.

Listen I want to throw the boys a bone here but they did a lot of this shit…looking good on top and then throwing on a pair of boots that ruined everything.

Going for a quick hike after this, Chase? Cmon guys, it’s not that hard to make my best dressed. Figure it out.

Not even joking here, is she alive?

This is literally the pattern of one of those rubber sun catchers you could color in from Joann Fabrics. #craftdress

How the hell did Brooke Hogan get an invite to these awards? Think they were scrounging or something…Anyway she wore her best Deb prom dress, with a side of nip slip. Keep it classy, grrrrrl.

I’m guessing Aubrey Peeples/Jeff Fordham’s worse half rode to the red carpet on her broomstick.

The shiny pattern mixed with gold prom heels wasn’t Kelli’s best.

Cute jumpsuit Jamie-Lynn but you’re on a red carpet, not bowling with your pals on Zoey 101.

Ugh. This dress isn’t doing things for Hil. She redeems herself with a white hot performance outfit.

Meh.

Best Dressed:

Take notes, boys.

Dierks gets it. Guys can literally wear an undershirt and some tight jeans and still crush a red carpet.

I ripped this off Brett’s snapchat like the creep that I am but there weren’t any pics online and I just know he looks like a dime.

Jana could do less with this look but the color looks good on her and obviously respect tha hell out of that bod.

LBD never fails, JJD keeping it simple and still looking like a smoke.

Svelte look for KPerry

Just enough skin to keep it elegant.

There’s a reason she’s married to Magic Mike.

Both hosts delivering on the red carpet with classic black and white.

Dig the different dress style, could’ve really used a sassy pony with it to seal the deal.

Fun sparkle mini on Danielle Bradbury

Girl is pulling off the jumpsuit and it’s unlike anything else on this red carpet.

Best Look of the Night…

I mean obviously. When did she have a baby? This morning? Those legs though.

Red Carpet

Billboard Music Awards Red Carpet

Hey guys, I actually showered on No-Shower-Sunday so this gives me every right to rank who looked like a garbage can at the Billboard’s.

Worst:

Zendaya’s back to barf.com outfits.

Not a good enough reason to show your belly button and almost vagina, Rita.

Sweet noutfit (nude outfit), Jussie.

This is a Christmas party dress. Let’s stick to summer thoughts.

COME ONNN. WHY ARE YOU EVEN WEARING A DRESS AT THIS POINT?

Because only Mariah would walk the red carpet with oversized sunglasses like an asshole.

Brit. Woof.

This dress is making me dizzy. Sry, girl.

All I’ve ever wanted is for Harry to throw a little dry shampoo in that lettuce of his.

Best:

I-G-G-Y coming in Saasssyyy. Could be because she’s standing next to dud city but I dig.

Yes, please.

Nick knew my favorite color is purple. He’s just toying with my emotions now.

FIDDY. Left field. Fresh to death.

Taraji has been dressing like a sassmonster lately and I don’t hate it.

Jesse never disappoints in his suit game.

This grew on me, the men are really impressing me with the unique suits this time around.

tswizzle Screen Shot 2015-05-17 at 9.22.48 PM

Tay is owning this. Strut city with those billion dollar legs.

Obv fave outfit of the night and also squad goals:

Red Carpet

Met Gala Red Carpet

Since this ball is honoring costumes, it’s known to have some out there fashion statements. This year’s theme was China: Through the Looking Glass, which left a whole lot of room for accidental racism. I’d like to applaud Hollywood for toeing that line quite nicely and avoiding any large scandal. Although no one showed up in a kimono with chopsticks in their hair, I would like to find out how one gets an invite to this event because judging by the MTV crowd, I’m convinced if I rolled up in a floral ball gown I would’ve been let in no questions asked. Anyway, here’s the looks that made me want to puke everywhere, accompanied by the ones that made me drool.

Worst:

This is actually really tame for GaGa. Still hate it though..basically a moomoo with feathers.

Ms. Katy Perry ditching her infamous cheeto themed outfits for an emo/graffiti theme.

http://www.barf.com/always …sweet blue hair.

FKA Twigs is somewhat wearing a human…or maybe just their arms/legs? I don’t know. I’m uncomfy.

This is the first time I’ve ever seen JLo look old. Also this dress is Mushu from Mulan sewed onto a body. How dare you treat Mushu like that.

Hey have you guys ever seen Kim K’s lady bits? This is a really bold look for her because she’s always so modest and covered. What a risk taker.

Belle has arrived and apparently slayed the beast and dyed his fur yellow for her ensemble tonight.

Wax. Figure.

This dress belongs on the cover of Seventeen Magazine.

Not into the color or the shoulder cutout, or the way Emma Roberts looks like she wants to murder a village.

The cupcake poof makes Alicia look like she’s 1000 lbs and we know she’s not because she’s croppin so hard. Not flattering.

I know it’s like sacrilegious to put SJP on the worst dressed but guess what, I’m doing it. That headdress is stupid.

Little House on the Yellow River

Damnit guys, you used to be cute as shit. Why does it look like you’re 100 now and 2/3 of the Sanderson sisters? Pretty BA to completely ignore the theme though.

Dakota looks like she picked this up at Deb and is going to hit the clubs tonight. Read the red carpet, Dakota. Not the event for this kind of mini.

Not in love with this pattern, Cher. Hair on fleek though for someone over 60 that’s impressive.

Chloe borrowed Kristin’s black choker from Laguna Beach.

Again, how was this punk invited?

hailee-steinfeld

Bleh.

Ummm…maybe use the tassels awkwardly hanging down your leg to tie that wide open jacket closed.

What an unfortunate area to have what looks like blood stains on your dress. Jus sayin.

Kewl fake tats.

Closest we got to an actual kimono.

This dress looks like a pinterest project.

Best:

Hated this so hard when I first saw it. The more that I stare at it though, I respect it. There’s only one way to come back after almost murdering your brother in law in an elevator at last year’s Met Ball, and that’s obviously to wear something like this. Fist bump, Solange.

Andy looking dapper AF.

Usher looks like he legitimately has a foot injury but I’m gonna credit the pimp cane to part of this look anyway. Smooth.

Always a stylish couple, Diane is crushing the bodysuit.

Not many men to look at so Ansel made the cut for looking adorbs.

I want to hate Amal so bad because she’s so above Hollywood and smart or something but she looks gr8.

This is a flattering style on her, I could do without pelicans flying across the dress.

I dig this color on Keri, wish her hair was down.

This is so asshole that I love it. Anne Hathaway is hated on so much and she’s like guess what I’m going to roll through with my shiny gold hood up. H8ers gonna H8.