Red Carpet

Met Gala Red Carpet 2023

Ok, here’s the deal. On Valentine’s Day the Mets emailed me and were all like “Ooohhh I bet you’re lonely and have a touch of the seasonal depresh, here’s a deal marketed JUST TO YOU.” And I’ve never felt more seen. I didn’t skip a beat in drawing out that ole CC and buying 4 tickets in lower level seats for a discount price just because it was winter and I didn’t have someone to snuggle with. Which is how we ended up here, with me a little sauced (understatement of the century) on Met Gala Monday after having already observed Met Monday. In fact, I made the joke, what if I showed up at the Met Gala in my Mets hat?! It bombed. No one laughed. These are the hard truths one has to overcome when you have a casual personal blog that you take way too seriously and also try to do excursions at the same time. I also tried to make “It’s gonna be Mets” happen. Regardless, that’s how I found myself over-served on a Monday doling out my typical (but maybe a little drunker?) Met Red Carpet observations. ‘NJoy. My first un-prompted thought: Why is everyone trying to be Wednesday Addams?! Follow-up thought…when my friend was like there were literal cats on the carpet, I SOUNDLY replied “oh yeah, that’s for Choupette.” So let the records show that even though I double booked baseball and fashion, I did NOT forget that this year’s theme was: “Karl Lagerfeld: A Line of Beauty” aka a tribute to his fashion forward (but definitely asshole) cat would not be out of line. PS I don’t care how famous you are, your cat is still an asshole, that’s just a fact, JACK.


I was literally on the train home when my BFF texted me “I hope you’re dong a met recap” to which I obviously replied with a drunk train selfie, but don’t let that boozey pic fool you because nothing and I MEAN NOTHING will stop me from judging celebs, especially whilst wearing an oversized Mets PJ shirt that was clearanced out at a whopping 3 dollars last season at Marshall’s. When I arrived home and this was the first outfit I saw it was ON like DONKEY KONG. Jenny. Jen. Lo. Baby. Whatchu doing girl?! There is no Met theme on this planet that would justify a 50’s pillbox hat, facial net and a side of tits out for the boys. This is a SWING AND A MISS. (Using baseball references cause I’m so into baseball these days and that’s obvious.)


We followed up Jen’s nipsy doodle with this Kimmy K pearl quartet and GAUGE MY EYES OUT STOP INVITING KARDASHIANS TO THE MET BECAUSE THEY EMBARRASS US EVERY YEAR. Kim is trying so hard to be Marilyn Monroe she’s about to pop an implant from how hard she’s trying to squeeze into Marilyn’s bombshell shoes. Give it up, girl. You can be hot and cool in your own identity, you don’t need to live up to these iconic American fashion staples. It’s ok, bbgurl. Relax.

Anne Hathaway

I get that it’s been trendy to hate on Anne Hathaway for absolutely no reason which is exactly why I’ve always advocated for her. But I can’t here. This Elvira hairstyle with a pinned together dress is woof city, population: Annie get your gun and get the hell out of here. Sorry, not sorry.


Honestly, sure why not. I feel like I’m coming across like a real Negative over-served Nancy, and I’m not trying to bring your Tuesday down. Does  a latex number salute Karl? Probably not. But if you’re going to go AWL OUT for a red carpet, Met Gala is the place to do it. So guh’ head Cardi. Get down with your black condom florals and tie and silver “wig” sitch.


Honestly, what’s the point of being a VS angel if you can’t just strap on a pair of damn wings whenever you please?! She’s freshly single and just wants to walk the catwalk as an angel no matter the time of year and I’m here for it.

Kerry Washington

I fully support a strong ab midsection and a spicy blazer, I will NEVER EVER (NOT EVEN IF THERE’S A FIRE) support a mermaid bottom. MER.MAID.BOTT.OM. GET LAWST with that. Toss your “I only eat kale” mid section in my face ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY but do NOT think you can slip a peplum skirt by me, KERRY.

Margot Robbie

This is our new Barbie, and with all due respect, this is boring as hell. You can’t be in a movie with ICONIC hot pink outfits and then be like ho, hum, lemme just toss on a basic black gown for the Met ball. Sure, she looks great, but YA GOTTA STUN ME. There were years that celebrities LITERALLY dressed as Barbie and we’re gonna just do a black gown when you ARE Barbie?! NO, babes.


This is right around the point where I was like oh ok, we’re all just doing Wednesday Addams. Like the theme was Karl Lagerfeld, a fashion designer ICON, and everyone was like I’ll just wear black and be emo. Kewl. Sick effort. Karl is R-O-L-L-I-N-G in his grave. Kendall looks cool and all but I’m bitter about this stupid and lazy approach to the theme.


Again, Lizzo looks fre$h but black and pearls is BOOOOOOOOOORING.


Check out that one flap of hair just dangling in her eye line. I’ve never been more infuriated by a patch of hair. Bye.


Since we’ve apparently interpreted “Karl” as darkness becomes my soul, Billie really nailed it. True story, this is pretty much her aesthetic and it really suits her.


I take back everything I said about Priyanka’s hair because WOOOOWWW. What’s the happs here?! Other than obviously a flood with those pants and loafies.

Jared Leto

Even Choups took one look at this costume and was like NIGHTMARES. Better luck next time, Jared.

Gigi Hadid

Gigi is the classic Abercrombie girl who goes to Hot Topic and is like I’m punk now, guys. Stick to jewel-toned horse logo sweaters with a popped collar underneath, booboo.

Olivia Rodrigo

Things that clean your car in a car wash for 400, Alex.

Lil Nas X

Sure, bub, let’s just use the Met Gala as another avenue for you to push this “I only wear things that shock Conservatives” agenda. You win, you always do.

Michelle Yeoh

Michelle is having an awards season moment, so I’m not here to shit on that. She’s following the unspoken black and white rule and she looks good so get after it, mama.

Gabrielle & Dwayne

Not gonna lie, I love a couple that commits to a fashion statement. Dwayne is just as into this as Gabs is, if not more. 

Nicole Kidman

Honestly how did she even snag an invite to this ordeal? No one correlates Nicole Kidman with high fashion. But here we are. She looks dece (more dece than she does on a red carpet) but still odd to see her. It’s like when  a friend no one invited just casually showed up and you all had to pretend you invited her all along cause you’d look like a big ole group of heartless bitches if you didn’t. If you’re reading this and wondering if your girl gang ever did this to anyone, it’s you. They didn’t invite you. Sarry.

Viola Davis

Sure, Barbs pink and feather are always accepted no matter the occasion.

Stephanie Hsu

It’s slowly starting to click (alcohol is a scary drug, folks) that everyone in H-wood just decided to dress EXACTLY like Karl for this evening’s events. On the one hand, Steph nailed it, on the other hand that I’ve leaned into A LOT, it’s so the OPPOSITE of creative. Ooh, the theme is Karl? Can I borrow on of his ties and pull my hair back to look like a man?! Insert the deepest of eye rolls here. I want FUNKY, not copy an 85 year old man who hasn’t changed his red carpet outfit in 59 years. Lookin at you for a wake-up call on this matter, Anna Wintour.


BOOOOOOOOOOOoOOOOoOOOOOOOOOO. You lived through the worst decades of fashion in the early aughts with baby tee’s and baby purses. You should be SLAYING at the Met Gala every year!! Triple decker platforms and a choker that spans the width of your body AIN’T IT, SIS.

Karlie Kloss

Karlie took the Kimmy K pearls memo and repurposed into a belt and for that reason, I’m out.

Amanda Seyfried

Amanda looks like she was straight up electrocuted. And not in a chic way.

Pedro Pascal

I don’t get it. I’m sorry. I know this is the most unpopular opinion because girls are creaming their jeans over this guy and yet, a high biz sock and a bare calf will dry a girl RIGHT UP. This is horrifying.

Salma Hayek

Red is making an appearance here and there on the carpet and I’m so desperado for a pop of color that I’m thirsty as hell for most of the red hot lewks. This is sex pot 101 with the latex corset and lace legs so snaps for Salma.


Cause nothing says bless us o’lord for these are thy gifts like a body chain rosary diving down your exposed cleavage and thigh high’s. God Bless the USA.


Is that a neck guitar?! Whatever, her hair and makeup looks good so this little topless guitar cape can slide on by.


10/10. No Notes.

Florence Pugh

Imagine throwing on a double decker head piece like this and thinking you won’t look stupid? I want that kind of confidence.


Simple but elegant and I’m always on board for a sparkly tassel.

Jessica Chastain

Another carbon copy, I’m just gonna wear Karl’s skin as a suit move. Eyes rolling down the white and red carpet.

Alex Daddario

Cake ruffles…we all know where I stand on that trend. Also not for nothing but pink eye shadow should be banned, it forever makes people look unwell for wearing.

Emily Blunt

I would like this look a bajillion times more if we eliminated the neck bow/fake flower. I do love the lace and sparkle combo though.

KeKe Palmer

This is BODACIOUS. Sure, it’s stupid to basically drag a comforter behind you but at least it’s a nice soft blue and complements the pastels in the dress.


This is bad prom 101. So tacky and unflattering.


It’s so great that we live in a society where the Bradley Cooper’s of Hollywood just show up in a plain ole tuxedo and people are like yes, he nailed it. Throw on some shades and a little hair tousle and women are fanning themselves.



Phoebe Bridgers

I know she has silver hair regularly and not just for this event so I’m not going to come at her for copying Karl. See? I can be rational. 

Penelope Cruz

This is the kind of shit I like to see. Over the top, I’m a Real Housewife of Dubai Queen. Bow down, bitches.

Naomi Campbell

From Dubai to Ancient Greece. This look isn’t moving the needle for me. It’s random and out of place and the color is off.

Sydney Sweeney

The bows are suuuuhhhhhh STUPID. She literally looks like a five year old with a bow just tied into her hair like that.

MJ Blige

Have we seen a blue number yet? Honestly, I don’t even remember because there were 124 photos on That is too many photos. We’re really pushing it here and I’m running out of steam BIG time. Will I ever be done with this blog? Probs not. I’ll be clacking away as a skeleton six feet under. Oh no, we’re getting loopy. I’m laughing the most at picturing myself as a skeleton. At least my figure would be top notch. Could eat all the hot dogs I want cause they’d just fall right out. Anyway, her legs look bangin and matching boots to the dress? OKURR.

Miranda Kerr

Stunning. That dark lip contrast is Chef’s Kiss.

Alison Williams

WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS?! I’ve never hated anything more. A black “my hair is dirty so I’ll slip this on” headband and peach satin?! Woof.

Suki and Rob

I never put two and two together while watching Daisy Jones & the Six that this is Rob Pattinson’s latest piece. Seems like an odd match-up. Digging her little fairy dress but the PINK EYESHADOW DAMNIT. It makes women look sick.

Bad Bunny

I’m into this whoutfit with flower dangles. I also like a man who commits to the theme and doesn’t just roll up as himself, BRADLEY.

Aubrey Plaza

I very much do not like this.


Bangs?! BANGS, EM?! I cannot focus on anything else.

Lily Collins

This is so Emily in Paris Pierre Cadault meta and if you don’t understand that reference then you’ve OBVIOUSLY never been to Paris. Like LC. BAM BAM, double stupid show reference. I’m FIRING ON ALL CYLINDERS.

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This one grew on me. It’s like a mother and daughter Peaches and cream duo. I like the contrast of the fur and silk togets. Well done for Mommy & Me!

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We get it, Maude, you’re skinny.

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Ahh, the ole butt bow. Tried and true every major red carpet event has to have one.

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If this were a standalone look I’d genuinely wonder if this was a Michael Jackson tribute instead. 

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This is a little too on the nose for me, Doja Cat.

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An effort was made here, so we accept.

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I’m into this, especially that GIANT rock she’s sporting around her neck. I mean damn, girl.

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Hate tweed the most. And a chain belt is literally making me puke a little in my mouth. That could be the mixture of beer, wine, gin & vodka I tossed down my gullet. But more likely, it’s the belt.

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Alright who was on wiping duty for Rita last night?

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I’m weirdly into this. Maybe it’s the cocky hand in the pocket pose? 

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Rami looks like he’s going to the grocery store to pick up eggs.

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Yup, I’m 100% all in on this. This is a moment.

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Two contrasting dramatic looks b2b and I love it a lot. This pearl crown is

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I mean he wins, right?! Like you show up to a Karl tribby with a 10 ft train in his likeness you’ve just essentially told everyone to suck it hard. Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

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Yoikes this is bad. 

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Gotta be honest, this looks cozy as hell.

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No. Nope. Not happening. No sir you will not just throw on a leather trench and oversized shades and call it a day.

Kylie Jenner

It’s giving boxer about to enter the ring.

We’ve got a twofer here. Weird big coat over hoop and TA-DA I’M JUST WEARING UNDIES AND A CONE YOU PUT OVER TREES YOU WANT TO PROTECT FROM SNOW! Sure babes, whatever. If not at the Met, when can you hula hoop it up in your skivs. Body looks bangin.

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What a punchable face. That closed mouth smile and peace sign in a bucket hat. Pete’s just asking for a knuckle sandwich.

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The way that people wait with bated breath for a RiRi appearance. Events like this were made for the Rihanna’s and Gaga’s of the world. What outlandish thing can they stunt all over the carpet. And you know what? I like it. Like I said 100 years ago when I started writing this blog, I love a couple that goes full send together. ASAP with the kilt, Rihanna with the coordinated red lip and cool Hollywood starlet shades. I’m even down with this flower bubble. And that’s it, folks. That’s a wrap on the Met. Now excuse me while I take a long winter’s nap because whipping up this blog at 10pm after a booze-filled day was basically my Jordan flu game. If you made it to the end of this blog that I will absolutely not be proof-reading, you also deserve a nap. LET IT RIP.

Red Carpet

Met Gala Red Carpet 2021

Well this was a little unexpected to say the least! The Met Gala traditionally takes place in May and when I saw rumblings of it yesterday I had just assumed that they announced the theme or something. We just had the VMA’s the night before (we meaning not me because I finally learned my lesson that I’ve aged out) and then suddenly on a Monday afternoon I’m seeing red carpet photos cropping up from the Met. How is it that I know Blues Clues is having it’s 25th anniversary but I didn’t know when the Met Ball was taking place? Seems as though Anna Wintour needs to refer to the advertising execs over at Nick Jr. for some pointers. I googled the theme as I tend to do even though it absolutely means NOTHING. I don’t even know why they go through the formality of announcing a theme because you get the crop of people who wear what they wear on every red carpet and then the more alternative crowd that will wear whatever bizarro thing they can get their hands on. No theme necessary. But anyway, the theme this year is “In America: A Lexicon of Fashion” which essentially boils down to only fashion made in America. Cause our country is GrrrrrrReat. If you had asked my sister what the theme was she would’ve replied Nudity because her observation of red carpets between the VMA’s and the Met was “what even is the point of wearing clothes? A piece of fabric seems wasteful at this point.” She’s not wrong. Let’s judge some nudes.


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What do we have here?! It’s bell hop/waiter/magician/priest/Aladdin/Johnny F’ing Baseball. I refuse to adapt to the screaming ovaries of every female who slobbers for this little punk. There is nothing sexy about this.

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Lace leggings had their moment in the 80’s and 90’s and I think we can all see very clearly why they should never make a comeback. Ain’t NOTHING flattering or forgiving about skin tight lace. Does she have a lacy camel toe?

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I understand that this was a cultural nod to her mixed heritage. All I see is a cultural nod to Hey Arnold.


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The Met Ball is the ONLY place you’ll see me boo’ing people off the red carpet for being BORING AS HELL. You’ve got people wearing capes and crowns and showing their labias and you decided to put on a PLAIN BLACK TUXEDO THAT DOESN’T EVEN FIT PROPERLY? Did you get this at David’s Bridal, Channing? Clean it up.

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I see that he’s going for a global gay statement here and yet I can’t seem to get down with the balloon map-printed sleeves on top with combat boots on the bottom. Ew, David.

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What is this Little House on the Prairie meets Biker Gang? What a ridiculous mash-up that I do not welcome with open arms.

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You know that I can usually get down with loungewear at a formal event but it HAS TO BE CUTE LOUNGEWEAR. This looks like one of those stupid hip hop dance costumes they used to make me wear in middle school. Flashy but easy to move in. No matter how cool I thought I looked grooving to PG hip hop tunes onstage, I surely looked exactly like this B. Clown city.

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Oh hey there guy, thanks for the nightmares! Also that side salad of a large scab on your shin. Yum.

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Can we do a wellness check on this girl? 

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Kimmy K’s style trope of the moment is covering her whole face. Which is fine. We don’t really need to see it to know what an a*hole she is. Glad we left a hole for that pony though. God forbid your clip in hair not drag along the floor with your cloaks.

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The ONLY thing I immediately thought of with this number was the symphony of rainbow bridesmaid dresses from Confessions of a Shopaholic. 

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This dress is beautiful and then she tacked A GIANT FLOWER ON HER SHOULDER. Whoever is advising this as a kewl accessory needs to be fired.

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Everyone was like OH THE KING AND QUEEN HAVE ARRIVED. Get the hell out of here. I didn’t even know who ASAP Rocky was and Rihanna is wearing a G-D beanie on her head condom style. This look individually is trash (is that a quilt, ASAP?), collectively it’s a freight train of garbage.

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For the same reason I boo’ed our pal Channing, I gotta give it to Jimmy as well. I get that you’re a straight white male at the Met Gala but literally do ANYTHING but the black tux. Even a slate grey would slap harder than this.

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Anna Wintour may run the entire fashion world but here at the Salty Ju, I run shit. I’m the boss. And Anna, you can look me right in the eyes when I say this dress stinks. Collar AND sleeve ruffles AND cake tier ruffles at the bottom all in a bold floral print? WOOF.

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One time my next door neighbor had a race car themed birthday party and we all literally wore cardboard cars the whole time. They looked exactly like this dress. 

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I still can’t get over the fact that he’s trying to believably play a high school character in his latest flick when this 70’s style right here is probably an accurate depiction of what he really wore in high school. BOOM. Roasted.

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The key to the Met is to go gimmicky outrageous costume without looking like you literally stopped at a Spirit in an old deserted strip mall and picked up a “flapper/sexy maid from Clue” costume.

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SHE’S GOT A SWORD!!! Where do we draw the line with weapons at a public event?

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Get the hell out of my face with this, JLo. You think you can just step off of a yacht fresh from summering in Italy with Ben Affleck and dress up like a pimp with Native American undertones? Blow it out your ass. First and foremost, Brown should NEVER be a color choice for a dress. Secondly, where’s Ben? You guys break up again? Summer lovin had you a blast and now that you’re back from vacay things are hitting a little different? Just wondering. Text me.

UGH. NEVERMIND (deepest of eye rolls)..your lips aren’t even touching when you kiss with masks on so you just look like closed eye idiots.


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I couldn’t figure out what was so off-putting about this look. Was it the unicorn horn of a hairstyle or the fact that the bottom of this dress looks like a 3-D caterpillar? 

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Bieber pulled this shit at the VMA’s too and I’m having a hard time understanding how someone so skinny can’t find a pair of pants that fit him. He is DROWNING in these trousers. And Hailey with the shades is laugh out loud funny. These two really think they are royalty. You think you’re above a theme for the biggest fashion event of the year? Get lawst. 

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Not only does this look terribly heavy and uncomfortable, it’s also hideous. This is a huge swing and a miss for Simone. Girl is HOT off the heels of what I would assume is her last Olympics representing our country and she should’ve charged in here with the dopest USA themed outfit in the joint. And she decided instead to wear sparkly silver turd plops around her waist. Kewl. 

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Thanks for stopping by in your diamond encrusted negligee, Zoe! No need to carry all that excess chainage, next time just roll through in your rhinestone thong since that’s basically the same thing anyway.

The next three photos are entitled: Bangz: A Regret That Affects Us All

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So great of Meg to take some time out of defiling Airbnb kitchen tables and touching black tongues with MGK to attach these vomtastic bangs to her domepiece and make an appearance.

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This dress would be fine but then BANGS.

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Kristen really went the extra mile to give her bangs some pomp and circumstance.

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Oh, goodie! Lorde is back to scare us at all the awards shows again.

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Roseanne Roseannadanna coming in hot but she has to leave early to hit up the dojo and earn that blue belt.


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My first thought: ope there’s her vagina front and center. My second thought: can you imagine eating ANYTHING on Met Ball day and then wearing this? We’d be able to see if you had even a bowl of cereal. Sick loin cloth, tho.

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I don’t know all that much about fashion but I can say without a shadow of a doubt that Shrek baby was not “made in America.”

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What fresh hell is this? It’s like Jessica Rabbit, wedding style? I obviously hate it.

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Props to Taylor for matching her pedi to the exact color of the dress because that’s 1000% something I would do if I ever had a “it takes a village” moment. But this dress ain’t it. 

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This is a sheer window treatment.

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Mindy doesn’t look BAD but I’ve also seen her dress better for just a casual backyard photoshoot for her Instagram so I know she’s got more in her than a low pony and a navy blue gown. She wears the hell out of funky colors and patterns and this was a total lamewad safe move at a place where it’s encouraged to take risks.

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Not this risk though. This one fell flat for me. Mostly because I’m getting a little jaded with the oopsie I’m naked look. Jeremy looks pretty dece though, he was just brought down by the flowers for nips arm candy.

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I’ve never been a fan of the big collar or shoulder moment. Brings me back to the shoulder padded blazers of the 80’s. The taffeta flower on her thigh is also doing that. 

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WHAT AN ASSHOLE MOVE by Kris Jenner. She should be disinvited. You think because you invented reality TV and built an empire off of a sex tape that you can just wear a basic black ladysuit to the Met Ball? Your daughter stepped out of a towncar in a head to toe leather dominatrix ensemble over the weekend. That was just a regular Saturday for her. Either you step up your game or you sit at home getting wine drunk. Don’t embarrass Kim like that ever again…she can do it all by herself as seen above.

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Take a beat to notice the CONTRAST between Kris “I’ll just wear a Hilary Clinton pantsuit” Jenner and this broad right here who is wearing a LITERAL horse head. I can only hope she’s neighing and galloping around whipping that horse tail of a braid into the NYC breeze.

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Oh no, bbgurl. I get that your mom is Madonna. You’ve got big shoes to fill. But nope. This is another Spirit Halloween Gypsy costume. Return for a full refund, honay.

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As much as this would’ve been my dream prom dress from Deb back in the day, she looks physically uncomfortable in this. Her left boob looks like it’s about to be torn in half. The things we do for fashion.

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the PERFECT closer to the WERST dressed list. I don’t know what this chick’s name is but from here on out it’s forever Tommy Pickles because she is WEARING A DIAPER.



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This is some mermaid REALness.

Amanda Gorman

Apparently Amanda Gorman was going for a Statue of Liberty theme (the statue of Liberty is essentially green…but ok) all I could think of when I saw this dress was that shitty 90’s song that goes “Oh my starry eyed surprise” so Amanda I hope you’re gonna dance all night to this DJ in that majestic ‘fit.

Barbie Ferreira

The hair and makeup is questionable but I’ve always been a sucker for a pearl dress. Girl is dripping in decadence.

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Lil Nas X is never one to shy away from a scene. This was part 3 of his outfit unveiling, part two being a suit of golden armor and part 1 a very *catholic* looking extravagant gold robe. I’m partial to this sparkly tracksuit out of all three lewks and I think he rocked it. 

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I’m torn here because I LOATHE the color peach and her bangs but when I saw it photographed in a different light it looked like much more of a muted blush so I’m gonna give the benefit of the doubt here because Billie in an elegant gown is much appreciated after a year plus of her gracing red carpets in neon green space buns and silky pj’s. An effort was made here and I very much appreciate it.

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Ok, ok, I get it Troye. Your body is better than mine. I have a bridesmaid dress that was originally ordered for a November 2020 wedding but then Covid hit…so the last time this dress has physically been on my body was August of 2020 when I tried it on for the first time out of the box. It has hung in a deep dark corner of my closet since then, cloaked in shadows and shame because I can tell you with the utmost confidence that it no longer fits. I’ve put on a few panny pounds and it shows. Rather than facing my fears and trying it on, I’ve been eating ice cream and brownies every night after dinner. We all cope in different ways. Troye apparently copes by showing off his banging bodying in a slinky black gown, nips out for the boys. WUTEVER.

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This dress and cape look stunning on her!

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I mean, Barbie and Ken? Yes, please.

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Hey all you creeps and weirdos, this is how you incorporate Covid’s new hottest fashion without giving us all the nightmares in the world. Crushing this routfit.

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I could def do without the bleached eyebrows but I’m kinda digging the rest of this look right down to the stirrups. Love a good pair of stirrups. Never have to worry about your leggings riding up when they’re hooked to your heel!

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What the hell is more American than Ralph Lauren? I put these two on the best dressed specifically for that.

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This is more on the boring spectrum of playing it safe but she is rocking this dress so I respect it.

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Maybe it’s the hint at camo or maybe it’s the muted nudes but this is definitely one of my favorite looks of the nights. So soft and beautiful.

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The style of the dress is kind of the equivalent of wearing a paper bag but she’s preggers so it’s probably comfortable as hell and we’ll give her a pass. The teal is to die for.

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Ooh baby lime green and hot pink lips YES MA’AM! Kit looks dapper as well. At least he put a white coat on instead of going for black on black….channing.

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As my friend Kat said, imagine sitting behind Iman? Seriously though you ain’t seeing for miles behind this headdress. This is EPIC. That’s how you rule a red carpet. Poor Megan Thee Stallion is looking at her like, I gotta follow this?!

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Big booty big ole Megan held her own though. Loving the soft pink on her.

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GIRL this red is fabulous. Not so much the posing of the claws though. Hope you don’t poke your butthole when you’re wiping. T’s and P’s. (The more that I think about it, how much you wanna bet celebrities have their assistants wipe for them so they don’t accidentally tear their anus or vaginal walls with a rogue claw? Jus sayin..these are the things I think about after a glass of wine.)

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DEBBIE HARRY!!! GET. IT. GURL. I LOOOOOVE this look. This is ‘MURICA. Bitch has a flag hoop skirt and a jean jacket. If that ain’t the US of A I don’t know what is. She crushed it.

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This is pretty boring but also I felt rude about putting her on the worst dressed when she still looks like a bangpiece.

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Oh my lanta I want to roll around in this skirt. It looks so silky and smooth like a metallic river. Kacey looks

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Kendall Jenner looks radiant and I can boo the rest of the Kardashian Klan all day and twice on Sunday but I’ll never come for Kendall. 

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If this were any other type of fabric it’d be on the worst dressed list but because it’s denim I’m all in. It is giving me very happy flashbacks to the Justin and Britney denim duo and it’s perfect for this theme.

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I’m obsessed with this look. Alicia looks amazing and I couldn’t help but wonder where she drew inspiration from (wink)

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IS SHE WEARING THE ISADORA DIAMOND? Just kidding. But also not really because the colored jewels and the pastel look isn’t far off from our girl Andie Anderson. Love the sparkle and the fur for added drama.

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You gotta be bold as hell to be like I’m just gonna show up in pinstripes like a gangsta. The gold sequins is an added bonus.

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I believe this is the only purple of the evening and boy oh boy is it bold. Love that Shawn went leather jacket, no shirt and Camila went for bright purple sequins and feathers. Go big or go home.

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This is a double whammy with fitting the theme (Football IS America) and supporting her mans. What a class act.

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Taraji is not playing with this look or this facial expression. She’s like try me, I dare you.

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Oh alright you intergalactic princess, you.

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PULLING. THEM. OFF. (this joke will hit with about 3% of my regular readers but if you’re a fan of How I Met Your Mother, it’s worth it.)

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I laughed out loud at how dopey and proud Pete Davidson is to be included in a fashion event. That smile and the pose with his jacket says it all. On top of that he referred to his look as “slutty nun” and that’s also hilarious to me as you see his little chopstick tattooed legs peeking out of this skirt.

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Rita is a sparkly sensation!

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YOOOO Sharon Stone can still GET IT. Although I would’ve loved to see a little more of that bangin bod that you KNOW she still has, I’m still into this classic black cape with sparkly emerald earrings. Take notes, Kris Jenner.

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Legitimately thought this was Khloe Kardashian at first. What a mind trip to find out it’s Hailee Steinfeld. This textured gold mini is FIERCE though.

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Give it to me in that Miami Vice pastel suit with a silk number underneath.

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We’ve seen a LOT of gold numbers tonight but this dress was MADE for MJ.

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Ayesha looks like she wants to cut a bitch but other than that these two coordinated well and both look like babe sodas.

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This is the kind of floral garden I’m down with. Not flowers that you NEED to cover your bits, but flowers that add to the already beautiful and flattering gown.

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Even though this is a HORRIFIC angle and makes DVF look like she has a cancerous lump growing out of her side (it’s her knee) I love the cheetah and olive tones AND of course the fact that she matched her mask. Masks, so hot right now.

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Donatella was like IDGAF I’m going to show up like it’s my wedding in Lake Como. She’s 66 years old and she’s all I’m gonna go Like a Virgin on their asses.

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As someone who buys an item of clothing for someone else as a gift and then promptly buys a matching one for herself, I’m VERY into the twinning thing. Love that they did this.

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Sienna with the fur cape looks like her house smells of rich mahogany and cigars.

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I’m obsessed with a canary yellow and I don’t care who knows it. This color looks bonkers good on her.

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Never thought I’d be so down with the classic white button up but both looks that incorporated it are chic as hell.

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Head to toe perfection. The hair accents, the earrings, everything goes together perfectly.

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A princess ball gown and the pop of contrasting color with her jewels are chef’s kiss.

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If you guys haven’t figured it out yet I’m really getting a hard on for summer colors here. Especially because summer isn’t over even though you Fall betches are trying to make it over. This is so fun and funky.

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Looking past the bangs (WHY WITH THE BANGS, EVERYONE) to appreciate the Barbie pink awesomeness. I want this gown and matching cape.

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DAYUMN OLIVIA RODRIGO, GET ALL OF IT AND THEN SOME! I previously rapped hard about lace leggings on Serena and how they’re not flattering. Apparently they can be flattering AF on a stick figure teenager in the prime of her high metabolism. Important to note. Embrace these years, BB, it’s all downhill from here.

Pop Culture, Red Carpet

Met Gala Red Carpet 2019

After rocking the cross last year in one of the very rare themes I understood, we’re back to the Met just making up complete and utter bullshit as the theme. I googled it. The theme is “camp”…what is that you may ask? Well I referred to a “what does the camp theme actually mean” article and honestly walked away from the article dumber than when I began reading it. According to everyone and no one all at once, “not everything can be camp, but many things, ideas and objects can be considered ‘campy.'” WOW. With that dum dum dribble, let’s delve into Halloween in May and a rare time that I applaud those who look like assholes and reward them with a spot on the Best Dressed. (As always, apologies for the varying size photos, you would think the Met Ball isn’t held for the ridiculous outfits with the way they hold back on the save-able shots. High internet security.)



There have been far too many period comparisons to this outfit for me to see anything other than a giant pool of uterine wall shedding all over the Met Gala carpet. Also sick red swim cap to top it all off.


I’m feeling ashamed for the time I so desperately defended Harry’s hotness to everyone in my family telling me he was yucky. Because this nipple peekaboo jumpsuit is yuck-yyy.


Janelle’s left tit is following me everywhere I go.


I love how Kim Kardashian is continuously invited to this shindig and never fails to show up in whatever “trend” she’s been wearing everywhere for the past month. (That Kanye 100% dictated for her.) Thanks for lubing up your cleavage and stopping by, Kim. Always a pleasure.


Although my instinct is to be dazzled by the sparkly shoes, I can’t with this duet. Nick looks like Gomez Addams and Priyanka is a figment of my nightmares.


Everything about this gives me the uncomfies. From the Dumbo feather ears to her just completely being naked.

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There HAS to be something living in that hair. You don’t toss hair like that out into the open air without a bird calling it home.

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I’ve stared at this a lot and I will 9000% wake up tonight with a jolt, look around my room and only see eyes.

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That hip bone jutting out actually pains me. Can you imagine physically running into her on the pink carpet? You’d literally feel like a stab victim with that pointy guy. Also we get it, you’re rich and covered in jewels.

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I don’t know what about CAMP means EYES but enough already, ya creeps.

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These two are grouped together because I ASSUME they were only invited to this because they played Freddie Mercury & Elton John respectively this year. Two of the most flamboyant and fashionably out-there singers in history. Their costumes were so over the top what I can only imagine CAMP is, and yet these two boners showed up in black suits. WOW. You really took a dare here. Plain bagels through and through.

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This made me laugh out loud because we were just graced with a public appearance from these two trolls and it’s SO soon for them to double back and switch out their wool cloaks for leather ones. Thank you for coming and showing your diversity. Back to the caves now.

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UGH. I already bitched about Halsey stinking up the joint with skanky outfits on my last red carpet and here she is again, rolling up to a high fashion event showing maximum skin. Great color. But cover up for a change, gurl. WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER THINK?!

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I don’t know if they tried to coordinate but if they did, yoikes.

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Burlesque Show Girl.


I like kicks with a dress but not when that dress looks like an omelette with bacon scattered in it.

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I feel like this is more than one time that Kylie has channeled Lil Kim and at this point just become her, yo.

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OH MY GOD how badly does Kris want to be young and hip?!

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It’s hilarious to see how seriously people take this and Emma Stone is like I’m just gonna wear an 80’s tracksuit thanks.

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Originally I was going to be nice and toss her on the best because I was so intrigued by this head to toe striping but then I scrolled back up to the mechanical teeth and bananas fastened to her dome piece and had to have a real heart to heart with myself about if I’ve become soft in my old age. So Rainbow Brite Chiquita Banana can hang loose on the worst dressed.



I’m so torn here. Because on the one hand, Celine’s face looks like Yzma from The Emperor’s New Groove.


Yet on the other hand, her 51 year old stems look like THAT. You know I’m a sucker for good leg and she’s giving it.


I can’t help but laugh out loud at this fool. He’s so extra every year and who would’ve thought that taking it to the next level would be making his head into a purse. SO creepy and yet the hair on that decapitated head purse? Majestic. One might even call him “Sexy Jesus.”


CURVEBALL. I dump on Katy Perry all the time for her STUPID AF red carpet outfits. She tries WAY too hard because she doesn’t have a career anymore and got engaged to Orlando Bloom to stay relevant in the world. I have to applaud her coming to this dressed as a chandelier though. It’s the straw that broke the camel’s back. From dressing as a cheeto to a double decker lamp. She’s come such a long way. I see you, girl. How could I not, you’re GLOWING. lololololol.


I declared my newfound obsession with Lizzo in the weekly JUice last week and she dressed as a G-D flamingo, which IS BASICALLY MY SPIRIT ANIMAL so yes, tysm you bright pink flaming, you.

billyporterThe 2019 Met Gala Celebrating Camp: Notes on Fashion - Arrivals

I’m pro anyone who finds a way to be carried into an event. And then have a wingspan the length of the carpet. Mad respect.

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I shit on Zendaya a lot too but dressing as Cinderella in a light up dress hits me right in the Disney princess feels. She even set up a glass slipper that she “left behind” and had this “fairy godmother” sprinkle magic dust on her for photos. COMMITMENT TO A BIT.

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I like purple and I’m intrigued by this lacy legging situation.

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Ryan Murphy basically invented camp (am I doing this right?!) This ensemble is nothing short of amazing.

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I guess I’m just a real hoe for Barbie vibes because I’m loving this. I even somehow overlooked the fact that she’s very clearly wearing a G string, probably because I was drooling over how tan her back is and wondering if I’ll ever have skin that isn’t the color of ghosts someday soon.

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Wifey Miley really cleaning up her act and I’m here for it. Nothing needs to be said about that specimen on the right. Stunning as always.

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Everyone has their undies in a wad for the gents who show up not wearing a dress and heels basically. Well guess what, Michael B Jordan can wear whatever he’s comfy in and I’m still gonna say he looks like a dime piece. Also I never need to see a man’s nipples on the red carpet, cough cough HARRY.

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She is quite literally dripping in Gold.

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Could take or leave this weird dragon girl dress but ultimately put her on the best list for her hair and makeup because she looks like a real beaut.

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Basically stepped out of T.Swift’s ME era.

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I can only imagine Mindy told her stylist she wanted to be Chloe Silverado for the night and this is what they landed on. Only 3% of my already dismal number of readers will get that joke and I’m ok with it. Mind Project stan 4 lyfe.

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I could do without the sparkle head but I mean it’s JLo and she looks like a babe soda. And ARod is killin the pink tux.


Hi this guy dressed as a literal THEATER. Asshole level: 1000%. I love it.

And obviously bow down to the queen of aholes, Lady Gaga, who stripped down, literally, to 4 different outfits as she werked the carpet. No one will ever compare, so like don’t even try, ya know? Also, it’s her year so just let her do her thang.


Red Carpet

Met Gala Red Carpet 2017

Last year was technology, the year before was China and this year’s theme is……….

Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garçons.

Huh? I don’t even know why the Met Gala has themes at this point because the Katy Perry’s, Madonna’s and Olsen Twin’s of the world are going to wear whatever weird shit they want and everyone else is going to slap on a gown. So rather than looking that phrase up, which I’m pretty sure is just an artist? I give you…this year’s fashion Halloween, from disasters of fabric explosions to regular red carpet looks.


The Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 01 May 2017

Dunno who Pharell’s lady friend is but she’s wearing a literal cartoon drawn outfit. If she laid down in an empty room someone would mistake her for a couch. Also it appears as though she broke both of her feet and is walking in the boot you get from the hospital.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Not even a little bit flattering.

The Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 01 May 2017

Quickest way to terrify me is by making your eyebrows disappear, CLAIRE.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Ho hum, I’m just going to go to a fancy event HOLDING MY OWN HAIR.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

A tuxedo jacket made for a baby.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Oh, Katy. Go away pls.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Maggie almost looks like she’s in pain. It pains her to be on a red carpet just as it pains us all to look at her slouching over with fabrics thrown on her body.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Is Solange mocking me? Spring in NY literally IS me wearing my floor length winter puffy jacket until roughly June.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Has Keri passed right before our very eyes? Legit question though. Did someone check to see if she was breathing?

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

No matter what anyone says about this, Lena will cry on the internet for 100 years. PS it’s ugly.

The Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 01 May 2017

Black swan makeup tutorial meets actual dead animal on your head.

The Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 01 May 2017

NO, MANDY!!! You were crushing it this year!!!!

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

The annual glimpse of the Olsen Twins as they crawl out of their caves to stare into our souls. Props to them for not wearing black cloaks this year!

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Lingerie doesn’t count, Nicki.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

Is that paper glued to her head in place of hair?

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

Karlie looking fresh AF to lead a board meeting.

The Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 01 May 2017

This looks like one of those eye tricks that you see at the circus or a magic show. WHAT HAPPENED TO HER BODY?! Oh never mind it’s just covered by weird disproportionate fabrics.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

80’s prom.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Better than literally showing everyone her bhole last year but also not really.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

Never thought I’d see Celine with a Courtney Love black smokey eye. She must be going through a rebellious phase.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Sewing machine splosion.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

No thank you.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

I mean it’s festive for cinco de mayo…

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

John looks like a babe soda. Feathers are a little too much, Chriss-dawgz.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

The center tie really gives this a gym outfit feel. #MetLeisureWear

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Sure, Kendall. Show us your RB curtz.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals



"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

NO clue who this B is but I love this outfit.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

This was originally on the worst list but then the more I stared at it I convinced myself to bump her up. I think it’s the tail cape, mostly I just want to touch it.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

YoYo lookin like a dime!!!

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

I don’t think I’ve ever tossed a compliment Behati’s way (mostly because she stole Adam Levine from me) but she looks beautiful and not weird at all.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

1. This dress is kewl. 2. More importantly, LaLa just faced Melo and his cheating ass.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

High probability for a vag flash here but otherwise elegant.

The Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 01 May 2017

H8 the clown hair, love the dress.

The Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 01 May 2017

Could definitely do without the pink fur but the rest is 10’s.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

This dress makes me dizzy but I didn’t realize Elizabeth Banks has the body of a goddess.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

All about this dress.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Nick reppin the underwhelming males on the red carpet looking fresh as a MF’er.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

I just respect the fact that Diddy is wearing that outrageous cape, tbh.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

Diane always looks good. (PS. I miss Pacey)

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

Plaid suit swag for dayz.

The Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 01 May 2017

Priyanka fulfilling every man’s fantasy of the coat with nothing underneath. Not to be confused with a parking lot flasher. Much different.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

I’m a sucker for pastels. Especially when they’re hard to find among these garbage wacky outfits.

The Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 01 May 2017

Selena with the Weeknd red carpet debut!!! Now just lose that pink eyeshadow…

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Again, seeking comfort in the simple & approps gowns.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Throwing Paris Jackson a bone for keeping it classy.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

This dress is kind of weird but this is my favorite color in the whole world so it works.

The Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 01 May 2017


"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Again, never thought I’d give Cara a shoutout but I’m real into this metallic suit. Not so much the spraypainted head.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals


"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala

Surprisingly into the white top knot

The Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 01 May 2017

Reese can do no wrong.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Mostly just focused on that amahzing cat eye and didn’t really look at the rest.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

YaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAzzzzzSSSSSSSSSzzzzzzzzzzzz. Ryan’s bowtie perfectly matched her blue feathers, in case anyone was wondering.

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Pretty sure this was a callback to the last time Gwynnie graced the Met Gala wearing essentially the same dress. Still works. She’s probz still the same size too (eye roll, not bitter or anything.)

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

SUMMATIME. (This is the point where I’m running out of original things to say and I’m just going to start tossing out nonsense words.)

"Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

JLo all covered up. WHOA. ARod has changed her. Hey ARod: Beat it, nerd.

Best Dressed of the night and it ain’t even close…

The Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 01 May 2017

Why did anyone else even bother to show up?

Red Carpet

Met Gala Red Carpet

Since this ball is honoring costumes, it’s known to have some out there fashion statements. This year’s theme was China: Through the Looking Glass, which left a whole lot of room for accidental racism. I’d like to applaud Hollywood for toeing that line quite nicely and avoiding any large scandal. Although no one showed up in a kimono with chopsticks in their hair, I would like to find out how one gets an invite to this event because judging by the MTV crowd, I’m convinced if I rolled up in a floral ball gown I would’ve been let in no questions asked. Anyway, here’s the looks that made me want to puke everywhere, accompanied by the ones that made me drool.



This is actually really tame for GaGa. Still hate it though..basically a moomoo with feathers.


Ms. Katy Perry ditching her infamous cheeto themed outfits for an emo/graffiti theme.

miley-cyrus-met-gala-2015 …sweet blue hair.


FKA Twigs is somewhat wearing a human…or maybe just their arms/legs? I don’t know. I’m uncomfy.


This is the first time I’ve ever seen JLo look old. Also this dress is Mushu from Mulan sewed onto a body. How dare you treat Mushu like that.

kim-kardashian-met-gala-2015 kim-kardashian-kanye-west-met-gala-2015

Hey have you guys ever seen Kim K’s lady bits? This is a really bold look for her because she’s always so modest and covered. What a risk taker.


Belle has arrived and apparently slayed the beast and dyed his fur yellow for her ensemble tonight.

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Wax. Figure.

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This dress belongs on the cover of Seventeen Magazine.

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Not into the color or the shoulder cutout, or the way Emma Roberts looks like she wants to murder a village.

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The cupcake poof makes Alicia look like she’s 1000 lbs and we know she’s not because she’s croppin so hard. Not flattering.


I know it’s like sacrilegious to put SJP on the worst dressed but guess what, I’m doing it. That headdress is stupid.


Little House on the Yellow River


Damnit guys, you used to be cute as shit. Why does it look like you’re 100 now and 2/3 of the Sanderson sisters? Pretty BA to completely ignore the theme though.


Dakota looks like she picked this up at Deb and is going to hit the clubs tonight. Read the red carpet, Dakota. Not the event for this kind of mini.


Not in love with this pattern, Cher. Hair on fleek though for someone over 60 that’s impressive.


Chloe borrowed Kristin’s black choker from Laguna Beach.


Again, how was this punk invited?




Ummm…maybe use the tassels awkwardly hanging down your leg to tie that wide open jacket closed.


What an unfortunate area to have what looks like blood stains on your dress. Jus sayin.


Kewl fake tats.


Closest we got to an actual kimono.


This dress looks like a pinterest project.


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Hated this so hard when I first saw it. The more that I stare at it though, I respect it. There’s only one way to come back after almost murdering your brother in law in an elevator at last year’s Met Ball, and that’s obviously to wear something like this. Fist bump, Solange.


Andy looking dapper AF.


Usher looks like he legitimately has a foot injury but I’m gonna credit the pimp cane to part of this look anyway. Smooth.


Always a stylish couple, Diane is crushing the bodysuit.


Not many men to look at so Ansel made the cut for looking adorbs.


I want to hate Amal so bad because she’s so above Hollywood and smart or something but she looks gr8.

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This is a flattering style on her, I could do without pelicans flying across the dress.

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I dig this color on Keri, wish her hair was down.

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This is so asshole that I love it. Anne Hathaway is hated on so much and she’s like guess what I’m going to roll through with my shiny gold hood up. H8ers gonna H8.

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Elizabeth Banks looks great in this color–wish her hair wasn’t pompadour city.

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Good color, good lip.

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Selena putting the goods on display for Matador Biebs.

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The only purple dress I saw and it’s on point.

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Taking a quote from the drunk bros who complimented my derby hat on Saturday, this dress is “elegant AF”


Classy and modest for Gabrielle Union.


Dumb hair, pwetty gown.


Don’t know who this is, digging up on the texture and style of this dress.


Dayumn, Cookie.


Classic white and red lippin.


Crop coordinate game strong.


And the winner of best looking reality star goes to Kendall. Take notes Kris & Kimmy. Bow down to the model of the fam.


Do you think Jeets is into sharing? Hannah Davis looks like a smooookeeeeshowwww.


Punk Rock Claire Danes. Get itttt.


I’m a big sucker for pop of color shoes.


I don’t necessarily love this dress but  Allison Williams always looks like a beaut.

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Always crushing the red carpet Chrissy didn’t disappoint in a backless black gown.


Mark this day down in history as the first time Lorde has made one of my best dressed lists. She even looks angelic. Who is this person.


Uma threw me for a loop in this dress. Looking fit and fab right down to the earrings.


Classic look for Carey Mulligan.


Most beautiful person alive, no biggie. Ties with Hannah Davis for girl crush of the night.


Karlie came without her twin but still looks fab.


This is hands down the best Zendaya has ever looked on a red carpet.


The septum piercing is real intimidating but this dress is supes cool.


Not as ballsy as Little Gold Ridinghood Anne but still stellar gold.


Ya girl Reese is literally timeless.

Woofiest Look of the Night:


Not only is this outfit atrocious but Chloe knows it is because her red carpet face looks like she just smelled a fart.

Favorite Look of the Night:


J.Law doing the damn thing with the top bun and floral crop she’s looking fresh to death and my fave of the night.