Music, Television

AMA’s 2016 Recap

Since the AMA’s were surprisingly dece, here’s a quick 5 point highlight reel of the show–a conversational piece for your Monday morning at work. (If you happen to work with teenagers.)

1. I’ve had enough visuals to last a lifetime from the song Side to Side.

screen-shot-2016-11-20-at-10-10-32-pm

I get that Ariana is 23 and old enough to be singing about sex but she still looks like she’s 12 and frankly it gives me all of the uncomfies to watch her simulate this onstage. After this performance and grinding line I was waiting for someone’s bracelet to get snipped and for them to get tossed from the stage ala high school dance grinding rules. Pat on the back that my bracelet was never cut because chaperones can’t get to you if you’re in the middle of the mosh, so HA.

2. Chainsmoker #2 really embracing being the dad of the group.

chainsmokers

It sucks to not be the hot one but respect to #2 for driving that point home with his Guy Fieri sunburst shirt and also having a complete stroke onstage while accepting their award. YIKES.

3. Drake <3’s Taylor.

OMG they both did Apple Music commercials with each other’s songs in it, THEY’RE TOTALLY DATING. But seriously, this would’ve been funnier if it was a slow song like All Too Well. Either way, I can appreciate it and also the fact that Meek Mill has been buried for like a solid year and Drake is still stomping on his grave every chance he gets. The last minute “WATCH HOW YOU SPEAK ON MY NAME” was killer. Would’ve been more killer with a camera pan to Nicki Minaj.

4. What a Taylor Swift-less audience looks like.

Without our girl to sway and toss those seaweed arms into the air, I noticed that we got a lot of glances at random pre-teens singing along and middle aged men dancing like no one was watching. We were all watching. My first piece of advice to anyone in a crowd where there might be a camera ever, is if you’re not 100% confident you have the right words, do not sing. Sure this girl wide mouth singing a bunch of random words made me laugh out loud but also now it’s caught on camera forever and I spent about 20 minutes this morning making a gif of it. (This also made me late for work…priorities.) Selena also stepped into the spotlight for a much-needed Sting clap break. Because Message in a Bottle NEVER gets old.

5a. DO NOT go to a Justin Bieber concert unless you need a good cry.

Holy crap, Beliebers. IT WAS AN UPBEAT SONG. Stop the tears! Gonna be honest, Let Me Love You is one of the few JB songs that I can get down with  and these sobbing little bitches really killed my vibe. Maybe they’re crying because Justin yelled at them all again for screaming during his concert? That’s the only explanation.

5b. What is this microphone.

gagaperforminggagaamas

I know that I said I would only list five things but I lied because I want to yap about the fact that Lady Gaga had a totes emotional slow song performance but all I could focus on was the fact that this MASSIVE headset’s mic was basically inside of her throat as she sang. Since I work in the biz (barely) I know that there are much more discreet mics that still pick up the same amount of sound so choosing this one for a televised awards show is a real weird move. Was anticipating a mid-high note choke but she made it through like a champ.

BONUS: The fact that I specifically googled both Shawn and Niall’s ages before adding this in for a little BTS swoon sesh says everything about how much of a creep I am. For the record, Shawn is 18 and Niall is 23 so IT’S TOTALLY FINE TO BE ATTRACTED TO THIS, GIRLS.

 

 

 

 

 

Standard
Uncategorized

AMA’s Red Carpet 2016

Should an awards show even be allowed to happen when the big three aren’t attending?

No, they should not. But that didn’t stop the AMA’s from plunging forward with beautiful person but not very experienced host/speaker Gigi Hadid at the helm. Jay Pharoah helped out with his Jay-Z impersonation, but I’ve never heard more presenter stuttering in my whole career of judging awards shows. Aside from the stammers and middle-aged man crowd dancing, let’s check out threads.

WORST.

screen-shot-2016-11-20-at-8-55-25-pm

Halsey’s really digging the hails from a different planet vibe.  I am not.

2016 American Music Awards - Arrivals

What a jabroni DJ Khlaed is.

2016 American Music Awards - Arrivals

I don’t even know who this is but it doesn’t matter because they came dressed as a snapchat filter and it is outrageous.

chrissy-teigen20

That is enough, Chrissy.

2016 American Music Awards - Arrivals

This wrapping paper jumpsuit gives me the dizzies.

2016 American Music Awards - Arrivals

These guys look fine but they both have faces that I kind of want to punch. It probably has something to do with the fact that they’re known doucheronis.

2016 American Music Awards - Arrivals

Well this is new. A cargo jumpsuit.

2016 American Music Awards - Arrivals

This dress screams youth. JK she borrowed it from a Real Housewives exotic vacation, right?

American Music Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 20 Nov 2016

Idina can get it but not in this firework number.

2016 American Music Awards - Arrivals

Everything about this screams trainwreck. Is Bella trying to tell us something here?

2016 American Music Awards - Arrivals

This is a 2002 VMA’s outfit.

American Music Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 20 Nov 2016

Gigi, I love you girl. You’re like, really pretty. But no.

2016 American Music Awards - Arrivals

This is a pretty weird pastel Barbie situation.

BEST.

screen-shot-2016-11-20-at-8-55-48-pm

Blue was very in last night, apparently.

screen-shot-2016-11-20-at-8-54-44-pm

My heart skipped a beat when Hannah appeared on my screen and said “I’m Hannah Jeter” and for that reason I couldn’t put her on the worst dressed even though I don’t love this number.

screen-shot-2016-11-20-at-8-54-06-pm

This is how you slay when you’re twice the age of the average AMAs guest.

screen-shot-2016-11-20-at-8-53-35-pm

Check out this little nugget rocking the teal suit.

2016 American Music Awards - Arrivals

Oh ok most annoying Barden Bella. I see you.

John Legend showing us a diverse but very real jacket game last night.

2016 American Music Awards - Arrivals

Unexpectedly fully on board with the Donster in a cotton candy velour blazer. He’s stealing the shine from Jenny’s sass in the back.

gaga

Gaga’s really attached to these types of hats lately so I’ll let it slide. The white power suit really brings out her rack.

2016 American Music Awards - Arrivals

Sharp-dressed host.

2016 American Music Awards - Arrivals

I’m an open Ariana h8er but she’s werkin this. Plus I’ve been sneaking the half up Ariana pony into my hairstyle rotation lately and it seems hypocritical to always shit on her.

2016 American Music Awards - Arrivals

Selena making a spicy comeback from her brief Lupus (?) hiatus.

2016 American Music Awards - Arrivals

Just looking at this picture, I hate this but after seeing her present I decided this steal your man’s button down inspired look has my stamp of approval on Taraji.

2016 American Music Awards - Arrivals

In case you haven’t heard, Ciara’s pregnant. Her and Russell tried out the whole sex thing.

2016 American Music Awards - Arrivals

Shiny hot pants!

Best look of the night by MILES:

2016 American Music Awards - Arrivals

Never fancied myself a Niall chick but SHIT he cleaned up nice for his solo debut, which of course caused a flood in the arena.

Standard
Red Carpet, Uncategorized

AMA’s 2015 Red Carpet

I guess E! is just as excited to jumpstart awards season as I am because they started red carpet coverage at dinner time. Giuliana was unbearable interviewing actual celebrities so I can’t even begin to imagine what the first hour of the red carpet was like when nobody was there. Especially since her riveting line of questions included “what’s the difference between American girls and Australian girls, no bullshit answer.” Leave it to G to ask the hard-hitting Q’s. We only have more of that to look forward to in the coming winter months.

WORST:

Screen Shot 2015-11-22 at 11.27.38 PM

This is Tove Lo and it’s possible she had the worst dress of the night. When asked about it she said all the important parts are on display. Thank you for showing us your pikachu and rack, Tove. Here in America we don’t love that.

Screen Shot 2015-11-22 at 11.26.38 PM

BARRETTES. CHLOE GRACE MORETZ IS WEARING BARRETTES AND A BLACK CHOKER.

kyliejenner

Sucks that you have to walk the red carpet with your supermodel sister but like wearing dominatrix leather only made things worse.

paulaabdul

PAULA. You’re 53! I do NOT want to see your RB curts.

rebel

There has got to be a better way for Rebel to dress for her body type than this trash bag.

frankiegrande

What a subdued outfit for such a shy personality.

jennymccarthy

I have no words.

christinamilian

OMG Slutty Cindy Lou Who!

juliannehough

Not only is this impractical because every time she walks she flashes everyone AND her 90’s platforms make her travel at a snail’s pace, but it’s also butt ugly.

haileesteinfeld

I feel like this is a real front and back wedgie sitch waiting to happen.

ashleybenson

Ashley Benson is ready to take on a job interview.

biebs

Leave it to Biebs to wear a tee of a band he knows nothing about with some ripped jeans like a punk.

demi

The dress isn’t the worst thing in the world but this vamp hair/makeup is killing me.

gwen

Gwen has transformed into a skanky black butterfly!

giulianarancic

mEh.

danicamckellar

This is a prom dress. 100%.

Screen Shot 2015-11-23 at 8.19.58 AM

HARRY. Gawd. This suit. Also, trim those locks.

BEST:

selena

selena back

This isn’t my favorite Selena look but she’s still pulling it off.

Screen Shot 2015-11-23 at 8.19.20 AM

3 out of 4 in 1D dressed like suave gentlemen and I commend them for that.

kelseaballerini

Kelsea Ballerini showing off tasteful cleavage–take notes, Christina Milian.

wilmervalderrama

Wilmer would’ve upstaged Demi if they posed togets.

charlieputh

Charlie Puth keeping things spicy in a red suit.

COULD be a longer frock, but Kendall never really looks bad, especially when she stands next to Kylie.

lukebryan

Can always count on Luke to look droolworthy. His wife’s alright, I guess.

hannahdavis

I don’t LOVE this but it’s not horrendous enough to hit the worst dressed. Something weird’s happening around her boob region and I don’t know that Jeets would approve.

meghantrainor

Kinda hard to mess anything up with a plain black dress

nickjonas

Turtleneck CHIC.

5sos

I wanted to post this picture because it made me laugh out loud. The lead singer/guy HAMMING in the white shirt is clearly the hottest group member and he knows it. The one on the right is trying, but can’t compete with white shirt’s natural sex appeal.

ciara

Ciara wore this scandalous dress showing off her hot bod to be STUCK in the T-mobile corner for the entire show.

carrie

I can get down with a little cape from time to time. I think Carrie’s rockin it.

gigi

I went back and forth on this one for a while. On the one hand this is a whole lot. On the other hand Gigi has the perfect model bod and looks smokin hot.

zendaya

Congrats to Zendaya who made the best dressed list for dressing the most normal she’s ever dressed. She’s going all Lilly Pulitzer on us.

Standard
Music, Pop Culture, Red Carpet, Television

AMA’s Fashion

I expressed my excitement for the AMA’s today and both of my sisters asked me if I was 12. The answer is a hard yes. The AMA’s are maybe one step above the VMA’s in maturity level and I don’t even curr. Let’s judge how the tweens and young adult pop singers of this year dressed for such an event. Apparently if you didn’t have at least one full leg out to play, you were a nobody. I personally preferred the nobodies.

Worst Dressed:

zendaya

Zendaya wearing some satin sheets and a bandeau bikini top.

jordin sparks

Is stripper gold costume material back in style and I missed the memo? Jordin Sparks needed to step it up and show Jason DeRulo that she’s lookin like a dime.

heidi

More sparkles, more leg. Are we seeing a trend here? Leave the crops to the young’ns Heidi.

fergie

If the leg wasn’t so forceful I would actually like this dress.

charli-xcx-american-music-awards-2014-amas

Ok Morticia Adams, we get it, you have D cups. Charli XCX going nips out for the awards.

Screen shot 2014-11-23 at 8.44.37 PM

Happy Thanksgiving, the turkey has arrived!

Screen shot 2014-11-23 at 8.44.58 PM

This looks like a homemade dress for the sorority 80’s party, only thing missing is a scrunchie.

Screen shot 2014-11-23 at 8.46.10 PM

Magic looking like they stumbled out of a thrift shop (I’d bet money that they did) smelling of incense.

Screen shot 2014-11-23 at 8.45.23 PM

Imagine Dragons with a weird bib shirt, 60’s shades vibe. Hipsters, man.

jlo

Hey JLo, I know you invented the “booty” and all but you’re 45 and this is no longer an acceptable article of clothing to be wearing in public.

Best Dressed:

1d

One Direction with some leopard accents. YAS.

kate

Could do without the snake necklace on Kate Beckinsale but the dress is perfection.

mtrainor

Simple and classy, plus an obnoxious lips clutch for sass. Megan Trainor shows us you don’t need to have a slit up to your vagina to look good.

SELENA

Selena with the tight black dress and open back giving the Biebs a taste of what he’s missing.

becky-g-american-music-awards-2014-amas

Becky G looking cute as a button with a sassy pony and approps party dress.

dianna agron

This dress is pretty stupid but I’m kinda digging on the crazy updo with the headband.

nicki

Nicki making my best dressed list because she is the most covered I have ever seen her and I encourage this wholeheartedly.

Screen shot 2014-11-23 at 8.44.24 PM

I’m digging Rita Ora’s yellow ball gown a lot. There’s coverage and a nice change up of color.

Screen shot 2014-11-23 at 8.45.11 PM

Lucy Hale with another classic short cocktail dress and simple hair/makeup look. Girl knows how to play the awards show game, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.

Screen shot 2014-11-23 at 8.45.42 PM

I didn’t see a lot of nice men red carpet pics, so I’m including this for gender equality purposes. Nick Jonas with a real uncomfy pose but a nice dapper suit.

Screen shot 2014-11-23 at 8.44.46 PM

Julianne Hough with a saucy summer number that I don’t hate. Get it, gurl.

Stay tuned for my full recap post-awards. I can give you a teaser right now that the awards are a straight up trainwreck and I should win something just for watching them in full. I do it all for my fans.

Standard