Tag Archives: Sarah Jessica Parker

JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 1/11/2021

1. I Couldn’t Help But Wonder…

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…If Sex and the City would keep coming back until they’re all in their graves. It was announced this week that Sex and the City is making a comeback to HBO and honestly the timing could not have been more perfect. I had just finished re-watching the whole series right at the same time. Big showed up and rescued Carrie from the garbage Russian and just like that this video hits social media.

First thing’s first, let’s address the drama in the room. Kim Cattrall AKA Samantha is OUT. After years of dumping on all the other girls, claiming they bullied her, claiming she never wanted to do the movies to begin with, rumors swirling that she only did them if the production company promised to move forward with her solo projects as well….in summary Kim’s kind of an a-hole and had been holding up the process. So they kicked her to the curb. And as the most inappropriate part of the foursome, can we really call it SEX and the City without Samantha? I gotta be honest, I’ve always seen re-runs of SATC on E! and had never seen the original unedited episodes until these past few months when I finally got HBO and decided to start from the top. OH BABY did this show make me blush. I had no idea what I was missing with all the editing. It’s a completely different show and Samantha is basically a soft-core porn star in it. It was definitely risque for the time period and let’s just quickly recall that by the end of the series, the characters were in their late 30’s and early to mid forties (I don’t know if we ever pinned down Samantha’s age.) Which brings me to my point about this revival. I think it’s time to call it quits. It was time to call it quits in the the second movie when a 50-60 year old woman was kicked out of Abu Dhabi for giving a blowie on the beach. I’m a fan of the show, the first movie was phenomenal because we got our Carrie wedding (and also epic wedding fail) but the second movie was trash and that’s typically when you let things go to die. This revival is a show or maybe short series I’m guessing because every streaming service needs a hot new thing to get people to sign up and empty their pockets but WHY. We’re missing 1/4 of the gal pals, they’re now older than dirt and we’re supposed to still want to hear them talk about sex? What is this Golden Girls After Dark? No thanks. I’m not sure how this appeals to the core audience of SATC other than to pull the nostalgia factor like EVERY OTHER UNWANTED REUNION ON THIS PLANET. I’m still going to watch it obviously but I will be VERY UNCOMFY with it. I mean…come on….

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2. 100% A Cannibal.

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While we’re on the topic of sex, maybe Carrie and the girls can incorporate this hot topic in the reboot. Armie Hammer, actor and smoldering babe soda has recently created a wee bit of a riff in the interwebs for some DM’s of his that have been released. This is where things might get a little weird on The Salty Ju. Although I sat around a table at Wegmans when the Fappening occurred and passed celeb nudes around with my family members and I’ve covered a few of those nudes on here and become the go-to person my friends text for the uncensored version (proud of that one), I’ve never taken a face first dive into kinky DM’s. So this will be a first. Congrats to you all for being witness. So apparently there’s been some hints before to Armie being a real freak in the sheets. He’s recently divorced with two kids so I guess he’s full blown getting after it and one of his lady friends released these DM’s which according to many sources are legit:

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I’ve got real mixed feelings here. You know when he says “that just made me so hard and it makes me confused as to why”? That’s what “thinking of holding your heart in my hand and controlling when it beats” did to me. Is it weird? YUP. But would you not even BAT an EYELASH at this in a red hot read or a sexy Netflix movie? YUP TIMES A THOUSAND. CHICKS EAT THIS SHIT UP. There’s a reason 50 Shades of Grey was a freaking phenomenon. Hot and bothered women everywhere just want to be freed and get freaky with a hot guy. If it came out that Dustin Diamond was sending these DM’s to someone everyone would be like lock him TF up, but a Winkelvoss Twin? Now you’ve got a bunch of horned up and confused ladies. Do we like cannibals now? Is this a thing? The answer of course is no because cutting the heart out of living animal and eating it while it’s still warm is pre-crime shit and that’s when we come back down to earth and say mmm better not. Armie had us going for a moment there, though. I briefly considered what it would be like for his strong hands to control my heartbeat. Armie did not immediately respond to the whirlwind of DM’s that were sneaking out but unfortunately had to make a statement once the movie he was about to film cut him from the roster. Apparently JLo’s latest flick was NOT down with the cannibalism (what a bunch of prudes) and he was released and said the following:

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So I guess he just has more time on his hands to eat people and shit. #Don’tKinkShame

3. Sorry, Buuuuuuuuuuddy.

It’s unfortunate that I used the previous example of Dustin Diamond and then 8 hours after I wrote it, Screech’s team declares that he has cancer and is going through chemotherapy. Sorry I used you as an example of someone no one would ever want to have sex with, D Squared. Hope you can forgive me. Tough break to have cancer but on top of that Dustin also has shingles so he’s really been smited by disease. As another child star who went WAY off the rails, it sucks that he’s going through this but also he’s the type of guy that was CONSTANTLY trying to get headlines ever since the SBTB days so it’s kind of hard to feel like this is coming from a genuine place. He was the ONLY one not included in the woke reboot on Peacock probably due to the fact that he forayed into porn and bashed every single actor he ever worked with on the show. That’s neither here nor there to stand-up gent Mario Lopez who already made a statement:

What a guy. Does this mean all is forgiven and Screech will find his way back to the reboot? Only time will tell. PS: I burst out laughing when I read this exchange in the replies. Apparently real fans know who has stayed in touch and why…credit to Joe for keeping us all in check.

4. This Goes Out…This Goes Out to all the One Tree Hill Fans.

Former OTH heartthrobs James Lafferty and Stephen Colletti (LOL to refer to him as an OTH star when we all know where he got his start) created this show like 5 years ago and have been yapping about it constantly and trying to get it crowd-source funded to even shoot the damn thing. It’s concerning as hell that male leads for a primetime TV show that was on the air for 9 seasons can’t afford to shoot a few episodes of TV, but whatever, rabid fans made their tv show happen and after FOR-EV-ER it finally got picked up by Hulu. Add this to your watch list this weekend if you ever bought a Duke sweatshirt after Nathan Scott committed to playing basketball there only to wear it with MUCH disappointment while watching the end of season 4 where Duke rescinded the offer because he was point shaving…oh…was that just me? Whatever. I support this show but not enough to have given my own hard-earned dollars to a bunch of MUCH wealthier than me actors to get it made. So I’m glad we can now view it for free. This is what happens when there’s not a lot to report each week, I just make new show rec’s for your weekend of winter binging. You’re welcome.

5. The Demi Doc We ALL Need.

The minute I saw this I texted it to my friend with just YUSSSSSSSSSSSS, which really sums up my feelings on the matter. This is what we’ve been waiting for. I blogged about her first YouTube doc and how I loved every minute of it and learned so much about Demi being a total badass in the Disney days and obviously it’s no secret that I’m obsessed with her and spend a fair amount of time on this blog pretending I’m her BFF who likes to give unsolicited advice about her dating life. Honestly I’m so rabid for gossip and behind the scene deets about her life that March seems WAY too far away to wait for this. To get right to the elephant in the room, she obviously addresses her near death overdose.

Love that she’s using her platform to open up about her struggles but also keeping my fingers crossed that she drags that ex-fiance fame whore a little bit as well. It’s all about balance and sometimes you don’t always need to take the high road, Demi. Would love to hear what she thinks about him staging a cryfest photoshoot at the beach where he proposed after they broke up. Will report back in March when I 100% have a solo watch party with my girl Demi.

BONUS: Even the Olsen Twins Zoom.

Apparently MK had to do zoom court for her divorce and having a screenshot of her divorce proceedings over Zoom was easily the funniest thing I saw this week. You know I love to giggle at any current Olsen twins appearance because it’s like conjuring up dark magic. Who would’ve thought the girls who wore matching colored bandannas and sunglasses would turn into grim reapers but shout out to MK for giving us a GENUINE smile. Things are looking up for her post-divorce it seems. Her black turtleneck says I’m mourning this marriage but her face says I’M FREEEEEE!

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 10/19/20

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I took a couple weeks off from JUicing because the celeb gossip wasn’t as strong and even though it may SEEM like I sling trash for views, I try not to write blogs just to write them. Gotta have something to rant about, yanno?! That being said, there’s still slim pickins for this week and we’re about to get real creative with what counts as Celeb News. Buckle yo’ seatbelts!

1. Political Positions

Ariana dropped this track and music video last night as the first preview of her new album. I’d say 80% of the reason that I’ve taken a little snoozer from the JUice is that celebs can’t do one single thing without turning it political now and sucking Biden’s D, and the remaining 20% is that the news cycle has been dry anyway. So on the precipice of doing this week’s blog, I saw Ariana had a new song and video and I was excited to have something to yap about slash maybe make fun of. And then she lays this shit on me. OF COUUUUUUURRRSEEEEEE she takes a song about being good in bed and good in the kitchen and turns it into her being the G-D President of the United States. Get the HELL out of my face with this. Yeah female empowerment, rah rah, women can be president, celebrities know politics WHATEVER. Guess who’s not in the presidential race this election year? A female. (I get that Kamala is a female but she’s running for VP not P.) So take your positions and shove them up your oven, Ariana. I JUST WANT ONE SINGLE THING TO ENJOY THAT IS NOT SATURATED IN POLITICS. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?! Music, movies and television used to be entertainment to ESCAPE from the fiery dumpster that is the real world back in the day. WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT?! I want to be able to immerse myself in a guilty pleasure love song about meeting your man’s mom on a Sunday and then making a lotta love on a Monday and NOT ONE TIME THINK ABOUT THE 2020 ELECTION. 

2. Cartoon Shoes.

Speaking of the election…(eyes roll out of my head and down the block), as I was scrolling through the never-ending “register to vote”, “I voted” and “if we get this many votes we’ll bring back this D list TV show that you probably forgot about” landmine that is social media these days, I saw this photo of my number one girl crush and her tasty hunk of a husband. They’re doing their civic duty blah blah blah, but I paused just to appreciate their outrageous good looks, sexual caption innuendo and then move on with my day. (Blake’s outfit was on point of course. Made me consider digging up my Gaucho pants from 2003.) I didn’t really give the picture a second thought. That is, until I scrolled further and saw that Ryan posted the same photo only in this photo, Blake is barefoot.

So obviously I had to go back to the photo she posted and do an ole zoom job.

Sure as shit, she Microsoft Painted heels on and honestly without seeing that second photo, I never would’ve known. But since her dopey husband outted her for being shoeless now I see how shitty these cartoon shoes really look. Number 1 you gotta hate your husband for doing this. What a butthole move. Number 2 what’s the point of doing it in the first place? You were barefoot and on your tippies. Whatevs. Was she on her tippies knowing that she would draw a pair of heels in later? I feel like I just have so many questions now that I know she felt the need to fabricate footwear for an Instagram post. Obviously they both leaned into it with good humor on Instagram stories afterward. I think the stupidest thing about this all is that there’s a literal headline on People.com that reads “Blake Lively Draws Louboutins onto Her Bare Feet in a Glam Voting Snap.” That one made me cackle my face off. BITCH USED A PAINTBRUSH AND SLAPPED A COUPLE OF BROWN LINES ACROSS HER FEET AND SUDDENLY THEY’RE LOUBOUTINS? HOW. Also, joke’s on you Blake & Ryan–you tried to get the word out about voting and all anyone can talk about is your cartoon feet. HA. I’m not going to vote but you bet your bottom dollar I’m going to put my detective hat on and get out my magnifying glass to see if you’re wearing shoes or not.

3. Death by Climax.

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Matthew McConaughey had a book come out this week so he’s running the press circuit aka we’re seeing a new headline about him every damn day. None as EYE CATCHING as “Matthew McConaughey’s dad died during sex.” Now that’s an attention grabber. Sucks to try and sell a book and have every website publish that story. Now no one cares about buying the book for juicy tidbits when they can read them online for free. I’ve been listening to the Sibling Revelry podcast hosted by Kate & Oliver Hudson and this week’s guests were Matthew and his brother Rooster. (Yeah I’m flexing that I watch docs AND listen to podcasts, GET AT ME NERDS.) And it sounds like their parents were a real rollercoaster. They got divorced and re-married to each other three times and then lo and behold dad has a heart attack “when he climaxed.” Those are Matthew’s poignant words, not mine. Death by climax. WHAT A WAY TO GO. I mean seriously, that’s gotta be the best way for someone to die feelings wise. You go out on top (figuratively but also maybe literally as well? Depends on your position.) HOWEVER, counter point is that this is THE WORST way to die if you’re the person left alive to clean up that mess. You’ve now banged someone to death and have to deal with their naked body. It’s like my fear of falling to my death in the shower and having someone discover my naked body except 1 zillion times worse. Anyway, glad I could walk you through that tragedy. These are the places my mind goes. There was a lot to unpack there and I think the most important is that his dad Babe Ruth’ed his own death by telling his kids, “Boys when I go, I’m gonna be makin love to your mother.” What a legend James McConaughey is.

4. Another 90’s Child Star Arrest.

In this world nothing is certain except death, taxes, and 90’s child stars getting arrested. I mean seriously we’ve really learned that child stars are fuuuuuuuuuuuuudged up. They’re either beating women or doing copious amounts of drugs or both. The latest on that rotation is Zachery Ty Bryan, eldest of Tim the Toolman Taylor’s children. Though he played the oldest as Brad Taylor and had these dreamy baby blues, we all know that the real hottie was JTT and maybe that’s haunted him into his late 20’s. He was scooped in Oregon by the po-po after choking his girlfriend. Already not a great look and then he treats his mugshot like it’s school picture day and not evidence of him being a total scumbag. YOIKES, man. Just another one to add to the roster of wholesome child star F-ups.

5. I Smell Children.

One more charitable reunion in the long list of reunions and reboots that have been birthed by quarantine. I want to say that I’m super jacked up for this because Hocus Pocus is without a doubt the best Halloween movie of all time, and yet I’m lackluster to reunions these days. They’re typically done via zoom or virtually and most of them are contrived. I’m too attached to the OG Hocus Pocus to see it dragged out for a shitty reunion or bit that will ruin the magic of this classic. I’m not sure exactly what “In Search of the Sanderson Sisters” will entail, but given that you have to buy tickets, I’m probably never going to find out unless they release clips fo free. If anyone does pay up to watch, plz send me a full summary and review. Regardless of what I think, it looks like nothing has changed according to Bette’s instagram. I wonder if we’ll even get a glimpse of Thackary Binx, the only cat I’ll ever love.

UhhhhhhBUHBYE.

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Movies, Pop Culture

Top Ten Dance Movie Montages

Since I pretty much air out all of my guilty pleasures on this blog, I don’t even know if I can call them guilty pleasures anymore. So this one’s for my fellow loud and proud CHEEZY dance movie lovers. If there’s a movie centered on the art of dance, you can pretty much bet I’ll be watching. It’s my year-round Hallmark holiday movie, so to speak. A love story mixed in with some bada$$ choreography. I like to pretend that I too, could’ve been a professional dancer but unfortunately my elementary ballet with Miss Louise, followed by 2 years of “Jazz” classes in middle school and ending in a Radio Disney dance team tryout where I couldn’t even remember the steps they taught us five minutes prior ended that dream real quick.

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I learned to accept that my best moves will come out between the hours of 11 PM and 4 AM after approximately 100 bud lights. It’s a shame they never created a feature on my Jersey turnpikin’ skillz at the club in college. (There’s still time…) Either way, I’ve learned to truly appreciate a bangin final dance number or montage, the best of which I’ve outlined below.

10. Footloose

 

Footloose is rounding out the caboose because to be perfectly honest it was before my time and I’ve never actually seen it. It may dishearten a few to hear that I’ve only seen the remake with Julianne Hough and Kenny Wormald. HOWEVER, knowing the history of dance movies, it would be preposterous to leave off the movie centered on a town that BANNED DANCING from this list. So here’s a fun look at when a boy just needs to dance out his feelings, even though he could be arrested for it. #Rebel.

9. Honey

 

Hoodrat Jessica Alba is the only version I wish to know. From the gold nameplate necklace to the way that she says “we peoples”, I CANNOT LOOK AWAY. Girl gets exclusive beats from DJ Scratch for pete’s sake. And don’t even get me started on how she rocks that “just wear the sleeves” fashion with some baggy camo pants. Honey’s such a good choreographer that she turns someone falling into a dance move! In all seriousness, this movie is #9 because I expect no one who hasn’t seen it yet to ever watch it. It’s embarrassing at best and that’s saying a lot for a movie that features Jadakiss as a “top celebrity”. Bottom line is that you watch this to laugh at Jessica Alba acting street and being the most sought out choreographer in the rap industry. It’s the little things in life that bring me joy. This movie is one of them.

8. Save the Last Dance

 

Save the Last Dance is that tried and true, mix up a guy from the wrong side of the tracks with a straight laced nerd. I wish Julia Stiles wasn’t such a cream cheese white awkward bird in this movie because 90% if it is cringeworthy. Her wearing a Gap cami and french braids to the club was level 10 embarrassing. A ballet and hip hop mashup should always be appreciated though and that’s why her Juilliard try out made the list. Nothing will ever top your black boyfriend teaching you how to booty pop, grl.

7. High School Musical 3

 

Although the High School Movie franchise is not technically part of the dance genre, it still counts because Zac Efron’s got moves for daaaays. Real talk, I don’t think I’ve ever faced anything quite as difficult as just choosing one dance number from the 3 HSM movies. Do I go with a Troy Bolton emo solo where he’s contemplating basketball versus theater in the halls of his high school? Tempting for sure. Instead I settled for the duet between these two wildcats. Vanessa Hudgens’ legs look real bangable and it’s no wonder her boyfriend wants to spin her around the rooftop just to ask her to prom. Seriously did you see how effortlessly he swooped her into the air? Sigh.

6. Dirty Dancing

 

A classic that should never be revisited (I’m talking to you, ABC) and of course the famous lift that every girl wishes her boyfriend could flawlessly perform. Seriously, guys, it shouldn’t be that hard to toss us above your head and hold us there while you spin. May Patrick Swayze and those sassy hips rest in peace as his memory lives on forever through (I’ve Had) The Time of My Life. We owe it all to you.

5. Grease

 

If I’m gonna slobber all over nobody putting baby in a corner, you bet your ass that Sandy in her bad gurl leathers was making this list. She puts her hussy pants on and is suddenly ready to shimmy it up for her man. I’m only a little jelly of her legs in those pants. Ok fine I’m a lot jelly. (If you’re noticing a trend here with me drooling over every female leads legs, you’re not wrong.) Everyone whose anyone knows that the shake shack is the best part of this routine and it’s not even up for debate.

4. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

 

We’ve now arrived at one of the most underrated 80’s dance flicks of all time. SJP and Helen Hunt in their infant years when they were fresh on the Hollywood scene. If you haven’t seen this movie I suggest you watch it immediately if you want to be respected as a theatrical dance movie aficionado. SJP is a catholic school girl with a nazi dad and her counter part is OBV a bad boy but they become dance partners competing for a spot as COVETED Dance TV regulars. Although the tryouts and the final DTV competition are stellar in their own right, it would’ve been an injustice not to include this VERY 80’s dance/falling in love montage from the middle of the movie. My sister used to be so obsessed with this scene that she would rewind the ole VHS and replay it roughly 15 times before we could move on to the rest of the movie. Enjoy the classic beach silhouette lift and throwback Pepsi can mixed in with lots and lots of gymnastics.

3. Step Up 2 The Streets

 

It may surprise you that I don’t have the original Step Up and the spark of Channing and Jenna’s love on here. I like to toss in a curveball every once in a while to keep everyone on their toes. Here’s the second installment (every Step Up that follows this are white hot garbage) where having a dance crew and performing out on the streets is WAY cooler than getting into some lame arts school. They prove it too by dancing outside to trunk speakers IN THE RAIN. Whoa. The reason this dance is so high on the  list can pretty much be narrowed down to one baller move and that is OBVIOUSLY when what’s his face does the heart beat over what’s her face. I’m not proud of it but I spent far too much time one night in college trying to perfect that move with one of my roommates. Unfortunately rhythm is necessary for nailing that to a beat, but whatever. A for effort.

2. Magic Mike

 

This one’s for all my LAAADIEZZZZZ. (I mean, technically they all are, but we’ll pretend it’s just this one) Essentially the only takeaway from Magic Mike is the Pony dance and that’s pretty freaking obvious. I don’t really think I need to say anything else.

1. Center Stage

 

The queen bee of dance movies is Center Stage. They barely even hired actors for this, they just straight up trolled the American Ballet Company for dancers to play themselves. Never did I ever think a ballet performance could be interesting enough to contain a saucy sex scene but that’s just what Cooper, bad boy of ballet, does. This performance was 10 minutes long and I am continuously riveted for every single minute. Boys fighting over a girl, motorcycles onstage, all the way to her flawless red lip, dreadlocks finale. WHAT A WHIRLWIND. This dance number has everything I could have ever hoped and dreamed and that’s why it’s the GOAT. Even I was like hey, should I maybe become a ballerina by the end of it. Then I remembered how they basically chop their toes off to stand on wooden blocks for 90% of every day and I was out. PS do NOT try to make boys watch this movie. They will revolt and ruin every precious moment of this badass final dance. Tough stuff, lesson learned.

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Movies

Hocus Pocus Season Is Upon Thee

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It’s October…a month when pumpkin spice assaults every food, drink & aroma, you didn’t really go apple picking with your boyfriend unless you instagrammed it, and MOST IMPORTANTLY the only month it’s acceptable to watch Hocus Pocus. I don’t get down with off-season holiday movie viewing. It’s not ok to watch Christmas movies in July and I’ll never allow an early or late Hocus Pocus viewing. It feels sacrilegious. Anyway everyone knows this was the greatest Halloween movie ever made and rather than try to convince you of that (you should need no convincing), I’d prefer to thank the creators of Hocus Pocus for gifting us with so many things, five of which I detail below.

1. Yabbos. Did you ever think this word could be used to describe a top notch rack? No you probably didn’t, but that’s what’s so great about pervy Max Dennison letting it slip to his annoying little sis that he was all about Allison’s yabbos. There are several slang words for boobs but yabbos will always take the cake–just silly enough to illicit a laugh, but not downright inapprops like “tits”.

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2. Halloween Music. Normally we’re more of a Christmas music nation but why can’t Halloween music be a thing? Oh, because it doesn’t really exist. Well fret no more because the Sanderson Sisters are back and they’re here to put a spell on our ears. Once you forget about the fact that this song is actually their way of keeping the parents distracted while they snatch up all their kids and drink their souls…you can focus on how it’s a real banger. Now dance, DANCE UNTIL YOU DIIIIIEEEEE.

The second song in this movie is probably more for the acquired ear because it’s terrifying and creepy but hey…so is Halloween! Put on this little number when you’re getting ready to lure a bunch of kids to your cabin in the woods so that you can snag their spirits and become young and beautiful. I don’t need it right now, but maybe in a few years I’ll start learning the words. (Not for nothing, but aren’t Sarah’s yabbo’s a liiiittttle distracting during this broom-writhing performance?)

3. The only cat I’ll ever love. Look, it’s no secret that I’m team dog 1000%. Dogs are cute, cuddly, loyal and fun. Cats are shady MF’ers who stalk around the house and plot your impending death. HOWEVER, I will gladly bite my tongue about cats when it comes to Thackary Binx. Thackary is the redemption for all cats, mostly because he’s actually a rather adorbs seventeenth century boy who looks out for Max, Dani & Allison.  He also gets pretty sassy with the sisters and often reminds Max what a virgin loser he is for lighting the black flame candle. Hey–it’s not like he can die, so why not dish it out?

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4. Booooooooook. It’s not every day that a regular inanimate object gets it’s own singing cat call. Winifred’s call for her spell book is something that still lives on today because it’s funny and everyone can appreciate a good throaty book call. Something that goes hand in hand with this for no reason at all is Winifred’s infamous bucked teeth that reside on the outside of her mouth. For example, I happened to be at a bar last winter and a girl was there with teeth that just wouldn’t fit behind her lips and all I had to say was that girl has Winifred teeth and everyone understood what was up. Boom. Roasted.

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5. A slutty Disney witch. Forget about slutty Disney princesses, Hocus Pocus gave us Sarah, a dum dum who would much rather slow dance with the devil or make out with a mummy than snatch up some kids. Carrie Bradshaw, who? SJP plays her best character with Sarah and brings most of the laughs (#2 is clearly Mary the side-mouthing moron.) Anyway, it’s always delightful when you’re little and inappropriate jokes fly right over your head then you re-watch the movie and see that it was actually really dirrty. Sitting on the bus driver’s lap pretty much sums that up. Thank you for being you, Sarah.

pervybusdriver beautiful   playmummyHocuspocusAMUCK

Now get watching or… gotohell

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 4/13/15

1. John Krasinski vs. Anna Kendrick in Lip Sync Battle of the year. Totes didn’t anticipate including these lip sync battles in my JUice every week but then they had two bangin weeks B2B (no coincidence that the two are married) and it was more than worthy of sharing. REAL heavyweight battle this week between queen of funny, cool, hot girl Anna Kendrick & dreamy Jim Halpert, creator and lip sync GOAT. I think John’s recreation of the Bye Bye Bye Marionette video was the best lip sync ever. No frills, just his dashing good looks and smooth dance moves. Anna brought her dance moves out to play with Booty and an appearance of JLo at the end sealed the deal for her. Even though they were both top notch in this battle, I still feel like John was robbed. I get that it probz doesn’t look good to award the guy who created the thing but c’mon, he shook his junk around in a sparkle mini as a sassy Tina Turner. Also petition to get LL Cool J the F off this show. Anyone? Anyone?

2. Pitch Perfect releases newer trailer and pls don’t disturb as I spend the rest of my day listening to the Bellas. Highlight: Becca & Jesse mack sesh.

3. Harper Beckham woke up like this. SHE’S THREE YEARS OLD. No biggie, just a three year old front row center at a fashion show looking more flawless than I will ever look. Yeah that’s right, I’m jelly belly of a toddler. Whatevskeets.

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4. Mr. Bubbles, King of Smooth, posted an Insta with a girls donk in it and is getting Internet shamed for it.

https://instagram.com/p/1bzcAAJSy0/?taken-by=michaelbuble

Can the world EVER have a sense of humor? If you put your buhhole on display like that you’re giving anyone with a camera phone the rights to take a funny selfie with it. Duhs. That’s not me talking, it’s science. Also Bubs nails the blue steele in this.

5. SJP goes back to NYC on HBO. 

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The show is called Divorce and follows Carrie Bradshaw after Big dumps her. Just kidding, but you know that 100% of the viewers absolutely think this show will be a sequel to Sex and the City. Here’s hoping Molly Shannon is the Samantha. Does this mean there won’t be a Sex and the City Movie 3-5?

ENJOY THE WEEKEND, POPPETS!

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