Category Archives: JUice

JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 4/13/15

1. John Krasinski vs. Anna Kendrick in Lip Sync Battle of the year. Totes didn’t anticipate including these lip sync battles in my JUice every week but then they had two bangin weeks B2B (no coincidence that the two are married) and it was more than worthy of sharing. REAL heavyweight battle this week between queen of funny, cool, hot girl Anna Kendrick & dreamy Jim Halpert, creator and lip sync GOAT. I think John’s recreation of the Bye Bye Bye Marionette video was the best lip sync ever. No frills, just his dashing good looks and smooth dance moves. Anna brought her dance moves out to play with Booty and an appearance of JLo at the end sealed the deal for her. Even though they were both top notch in this battle, I still feel like John was robbed. I get that it probz doesn’t look good to award the guy who created the thing but c’mon, he shook his junk around in a sparkle mini as a sassy Tina Turner. Also petition to get LL Cool J the F off this show. Anyone? Anyone?

2. Pitch Perfect releases newer trailer and pls don’t disturb as I spend the rest of my day listening to the Bellas. Highlight: Becca & Jesse mack sesh.

3. Harper Beckham woke up like this. SHE’S THREE YEARS OLD. No biggie, just a three year old front row center at a fashion show looking more flawless than I will ever look. Yeah that’s right, I’m jelly belly of a toddler. Whatevskeets.

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4. Mr. Bubbles, King of Smooth, posted an Insta with a girls donk in it and is getting Internet shamed for it.

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Can the world EVER have a sense of humor? If you put your buhhole on display like that you’re giving anyone with a camera phone the rights to take a funny selfie with it. Duhs. That’s not me talking, it’s science. Also Bubs nails the blue steele in this.

5. SJP goes back to NYC on HBO. 

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The show is called Divorce and follows Carrie Bradshaw after Big dumps her. Just kidding, but you know that 100% of the viewers absolutely think this show will be a sequel to Sex and the City. Here’s hoping Molly Shannon is the Samantha. Does this mean there won’t be a Sex and the City Movie 3-5?

ENJOY THE WEEKEND, POPPETS!

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of April 6th

1. Tyra Banks/Eve buzzed her head. EVE’S GREAT NO MATTER WHERE SHE GOES, DRESS HER UP FROM HER HEAD TO HER TOES. No seriously the only reason I’m ever reporting anything about Ty-Ty is because it gives me an excuse to shout it out to Eve from critically acclaimed film Lifesize and also post the infamous Tyra meltdown from America’s Next Top Model. Happy Friday folks. It’s the little things that get me through the day. Actually though I think that Tyra Banks is Eve the human Barbie doll and genuinely got this haircut so she could be a business woman because her quote she gave to People about the big snip is that it makes her feel like a “futuristic businesswoman.” Shine bright, shine far. BE A BUSINESSWOMAN WITH A PIXIE.

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The "TyTy Chop" as seen on Eve. (Thx @arry_ka)

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2. Selena will be brought back as a creepy hologram to tour. Call me wacky, but I’m just the type of person that wouldn’t pay money to see a dead person reincarnated as a digital image singing in concert. Seriously though can we cut the shit with the hologram biz and just let the dead R.I.P? Selena’s sis Suzette said “By no means is this something that’s creepy or weird.” Hey Suze, that’s EXACTLY what this is. You’re trying to get singers to collaborate with a dead person for fresh material to get new fans for someone who is no longer living. This is the definition of creepy and weird. More importantly, I really hope the hologram will have an updated style.

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3. Jennie Garth is engaged…not to Dylan. Damn it Kelly, I really thought you and Dylan would be married by now. JK guys, just a little 90210 humor for ya. I think I had too much coffee this morning. Whatever. I took the Jennie Garth/Peter Falcinelli divorce pretty hard, which is probably weird but whatever they seemed like a fab couple. HOWEVER I’m happy to see that she has moved on because she’s still a dime piece so congrats Kelly Taylor.

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4. Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt Go OG. 

MIC DROP. I watched the first episode of this show like I said I would and there was way too much LL Cool J lip licking and not enough John Krasinski–well his wife threw DOWN this week and convinced me even more that they’re one of the coolest couples in Hollwood. They can hang. Even Anne Hathaway tried not to be the most hated and stepped her game up, get it in those leather pants girl. A+ all around.

5. The Longest Ride comes out this weekend and if you’re female you’ll probably like it….because:

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Do the right thing.

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Weekly JUice

1. The Bieber Roast was surprisingly entertaining. Look, we all hate Justin Bieber and know that this was an aggress PR move so that he can try to salvage his career after being a real d-bag for 3 years now. I went into the roast expecting it to be Biebz being obnoxious and a bunch of comedians who were paid to be there and didn’t want to be. It turned out to be pretty good, mostly because the comedians/mish mash of characters that showed up didn’t even spend that much time roasting Bieber and giving him the attention he so clearly needs, they roasted each other waaayyyy better. Overall winners are definitely Natasha Leggero who crushed it and Hanibal Burress–this is also obviously biased because they’re the two that very clearly showed they hated Bieber. I always respect the hell out of comedians who are told they have to say something nice at the end of their roast and literally struggle to fake it. I’m pretty sure Natasha just told Biebs that things will probably get better. Hannibal said Biebs seemed like a sharp business man. If you didn’t catch it Monday night, I recommend it for some laughs, I also recommend that you skip the last 10 minutes when Bieber takes the time to thank God and beg for forgiveness. Yuck. Get outta here. Bonus Points: Shaq literally picking Kevin Hart up and spanking him like a small child. Easily the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen and yet the internet couldn’t make it into a gif. Pretty selfish.

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2. Week three of Zayn spitting in the face of 1D fans. His new solo song was released and now the heat IS ON.

C’mon Zayn, cut it out. For Harry. (PS the song sucks.)

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3. Hova banded all of the billionaire musicians together to create Tidal, a music listening service where rich singers get more money for you to listen to their music. This week they made a big deal on social media, changing their avatars to a blue square and talking about equality for all artists and then they held a huge press conference with all of the superstars to say, please start emptying your pockets for our music, commoners. No disrespect (cause Illuminati) but there is NO way I would start paying a monthly fee to listen to music. I think paying over $100 for a concert ticket in the nose bleeds is criminal enough as it is. But what do I know, I’m obviously not the genius who put a helmet on, added plates for mouse ears and started cashing in on beatz.

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4. LUDA is back in my life. He’s doing press for Furious 7 and his new album LUDAversal and damnit I missed him. Remember the disgusting song Fantasy that was about lickin? I do, because Cin and I just jammed to it road trip style with rapper hands. Good news is that he did an acoustic version with the Roots this week. BACK SEAT, WINDOWS UP.

5. Paul Walker’s brother, Cody looks like this.

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Have a good Easter weekend thinking of those baby blues.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

1. Zayn is going solo, 1D fans mourn him as if he’s dead, Harry cries, Zayn cries, everyone hates Simon Cowell.

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So I reported last week that Zayn peaced out on the tour and there was speculation that he was taking a quick vacay to rehab, but this week he released a statement that he was officially leaving 1D to live a normal life as a 22 year old out of the spotlight. Obviously tweens around the world were on suicide watch, the remaining 1D members had to be like hey we’re still doing this thing so everyone CTFD and then today Zayn basically told everyone he’s going solo. Hey bruh, be more of a doucher. He’s obviously pulling the “I was doing something and my heart wasn’t in it, I hope you all want me to be happy” card but like going to the studio the very next day? Harsh. It wasn’t too long ago that he was telling me over a spaghetti dinner “But there’s nothing to be afraid of, Even when the night changes, It will never change me and you.” Well guess what, Zayn? IT DID CHANGE.

2. Entourage full trailer dropped and it has a bazillion celebs in it. I never watched Entourage really, I’ve seen a few episodes here and there but I’ll probably go see this movie because I like celebs and they’re all in it.

3. Super Troopers 2 comin atcha. Someone started a crowd funding page for the sequel of Super Troopers because here in America we don’t pay for stuff, we set up a website for other people to pay for our stuff and guess what?! It raised $2 Mill in like a day. All original troopers will be back which obviously means more Farva, who could probably have his own sequel. Whose excited for this? Say Car RamRod.

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4. The Yankees do a scene from The Sandlot, and leave ARod out of it. Even though Jeets isn’t in this I can always appreciate a nice Sandlot reference, because it quite literally never gets old. Yanks are clearly trying to drum up some positive press since all they probably hear about is how they let ARod come back and everyone on earth hates him. I can’t embed the video, so click below for the link.

Yankees Re-Create Sandlot

Brian McCann CRUSHED it as Hamilton Porter. Brett Gardner has a REAL weird head.

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Also this just made me want to watch The Sandlot again. Benny the Jet ❤

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5.Taylor Swift goes to a Kenny Chesney concert in Nashville, gets invited onstage for a duet and looks like this:

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I’m probably going to look just like this when I run to the grocery store this weekend, so whateva.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

1. Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds named their probably gorgeous daughter JAMES. WUT. Seriously, the amount that they annoyingly kept this name a secret until Ryan was finally hammered to death with name questions and finally he was like ITS JAMES, DAMNIT. I wish I never found out. It’s so Hollywood and I don’t want them to be Hollywood. Here’s hoping she goes by Jamie and we never have to think about this again. You let me down guys, but you’re still super attractive and cool so s’okay…I’ll let it slide. PS: James Reynolds sounds like an old British man who smokes cigars while wearing a houndstooth jacket. HOW DO PEOPLE NOT THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS WHILE NAMING THEIR CHILDREN?

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2. Miles Teller has lickable abs. Cutie pie Miles Teller revealed this before and after shot on Jimmy Fallon to show how he’s preparing for his role as a famous wrestler or something. I don’t remember because once I saw these abs I lost control of my brain activity. Don’t look at the stache, just focus on chin, down. Gratuitous Friday drool sesh. Happy Spring indeed.

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3. Eva Mendes says sweatpants=single 4 lyfe. Apparently Eva Mendes named sweatpants as the number one cause of divorce. It’s not difficult to surmise why I think Eva is a turd…could just be a little bit of the green eyed monster of BITCH MADE A BABY WITH THE MOST PERFECT MAN IN AMERICA. First of all, yoga pants are classified as sweatpants and they make girls asses look phenomenal. So we can cut the shit with the sweatpants shaming. Second of all, do you think she’s literally doing everything she can to hang on to Ry Gos? I mean, look at him… Ryan_Gosling_GQ_Dec14_10 Girl probably wore sweats one time (right after she gave birth to their future model child with an actual female name) and he was like meh and so now she spearheads the no sweatpants unless you wanna get yo ass left campaign.

UPDATE: All that is Holy, RyGos tweeted about this story…he’s pro-sweats so everyone CTFD.

4. Zayn Malik leaves One Direction. Dramz going down on the 1D international tour as Zayn has peaced out and there are rumors swirling that he’s cheating on his fiance or hitting up rehab. I tapped into the world of 13 year olds (not that difficult considering I basically am one) for this piece of juice. I will give it to those 1Directioners though, kid’s dreamy. He’s no Harry..but still…

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Anyway the only rehab I hope that he’s considering is one for wearing these TERRIBLE headbands to hold back his luscious locks. No seriously, even when these were in style in roughly 1998 I hated them because they basically punctured my cranium. Never forget.

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5. Kelly Clarkson rips a Tracy Chapman cover like nobody’s biz. KClark making a comeback with a new album and reminding us why she’s the OG of American Idol when she wails out this cover of Give Me One Reason.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

All of this week’s most important stories in one place.

1. Frozen 2 is a real thing that’s happening.

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2. Buzzworthy music videos this week from Carly Rae Jepsen and Miranda Lambert. Miranda’s song Little Red Wagon teeters right on the edge of annoying and catchy for me, but girl deserves props for looking like a smokeshow sassternaut in this video.

Carly Rae Jepsen waited a few years until we were over Call Me Maybe (spoiler: I’ll never be over Call Me Maybe) before she put out another bubblegum smash. This time she recruited Tom Hanks to use emojis in her music video and break it down next to Biebs. Keeping us on our toes with just the right amount of weird.

3. Andy Samberg to host the Emmys in September on FOX. Seth Meyers hosted last year and did a pretty dece job, especially when he recruited Billy Eichner for a little Billy on the Street bit.

I’m a liiiiittle concerned about Andy hosting an entire awards show, but I’ll hold out hope for some new Lonely Island material that doesn’t contain the words Everything or Awesome.

4. Fashion Police is F’ed. Dear, dear Joan Rivers is LITERALLY rolling in her grave. This show is a HOT mess. Giuliana makes some joke about dreads and suddenly the hosts of this show are dropping like flies. E! should stick to their Kash Kow and maybe cut their losses with this show since it’s basically in the dumpsters right now. If Kathy Griffin leaves your show you know you’ve got a reaaaalll problem.

5. Zoolander 2 announced via Walk-Off in Paris Fashion Week. At this point everyone has blabbed about this since it happened at the beginning of the week but I don’t discriminate on my weekly juice…news is news and Zoolander is BACK. What a perfect way to announce that Hollywood is producing yet another lazy sequel, by making a mockery of Paris’s fashion week with a goofy Hansel and Zoolander walk-off. Even Ice Queen Anna Wintour got in on the joke. Props, girl. Buckle up for the 2016 return! More importantly…did we ever find out who won the walk off?

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Weekly JUice

1. Aaron Carter is so OVER Hil Duff. Having included the saga of AC and Hil in previous blogs, I felt it was my duty to update you all that their love story has come to an abrupt ending…you know 7+ years later. Apparently Hil must’ve made a few comments about AC in her Cosmo interview (I’m assuming she was like he’s a real loser and I was like 17 when I dated him UPDATE: she said him tweeting her was ridiculous) regardless, Double A took to his twitter–I’m surprised he even had time to speak on the matter because he’s touring right now performing his greatest hits at small bars across middle America…

So I guess even though he’s aggressively spouted on social media about how Hilary is the love of his life and he’ll never forget her…HE’S SO OVER IT NOW. It’s all about the chase. Be more of a tease, bruh. Hilary is probably really upset about it. Jk she’s all:

2. Jessie James & Eric Decker made another beautiful human. I mean, come onnnn. One model baby was enough and now she’s not even a year old yet and they’re pumping out the next. Clearly the Deckers are on track to create a super human pack of future models. Obv announced the news with a perfect family bikini pic, nbd but HBD.

3. Jared Leto chopped dem ombre locks and then bleached them. The envy of Jared’s beautiful ombre waves has come to a screeching halt because he has sliced them for his upcoming role as The Joker in the Suicide Squad. As if that wasn’t  emosh enough for women across the country, he also bleached it like a day later. ONE STEP AT A TIME JARED. I was just coming to terms with the short and then you go ahead and bleach it too? I can’t get on board with this. See transformation from luscious to puke below. RIP, gone too soon.

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4. Toy Story 4 will be a rom-com. Apparently according to the Prezzy of Pixar, Toy Story 4 will not be a continuation of Toy Story 3 (GOOD because they all almost died in an incinerator and made me question my existence if I was crying over toys being melted.) but it will be a LOVE story. So many questions, so little answers, will Buzz find true love with a lady astronaut?! I NEED MORE DEETS PLS. The movie comes out in 2017 so this has no relevancy to today but whatevs…hopefully it includes Andy who, if I did my math correctly should be about my age which no longer makes it creepy to think cartoon Andy is kind of a smoke show. What? It’s still creepy? Whatever, nerds. (Also I’ll only consider him if he outgrew that Bieber hair that he was rocking pre-college. I have standards, ya know.)

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5. Seth Meyers explains Teen Slang. Here’s your funny clip of the week, also educational (I know it was for me.) Youths these days talk like a bunch of morons and here’s Seth breaking it down for everyone so that you can also feel hip and on fleek. To be clear if I ever utter the sentence “Shoe game on fleek” I would like someone to punch me square in the teeth holder.

Enjoy your weekend everyone, hopefully no one makes any groupsie daisies!

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Weekly JUice

1. NYFW-DIS BLAKE’S SHIT. RESPECT THAT. BOW DOWN BITCHES. Seriously though is it New York Fashion Week or Blake Lively Week? Did she just have a baby or something? NBD but HBD.

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Also Rihanna probably should’ve just turned around and went home in that bathmat top and strategically hanging off of her arms bedazzled jean jacket.

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2. Taylor Swift releases music video for Style on Friday the 13th (duh). It was certainly not what I expected from Tay for this little number but watch below and then I’ll force my commentary on you.

Obviously Blank Space was a bananas video so to follow that is already tough stuff. This was an artsy approach to the one of many songs that were about her former lovah Harry. I guess I can respect the visuals and the tree trunk growing in her spine for the most part…Things that I really liked: the red lips when he looks in the rearview mirror although I don’t condone scaring someone when they’re driving at night. It’s been a known fear of mine to drive somewhere in the dark by myself, look in the rearview mirror and see someone’s face. So although it looked cool in the video it’s also terrifying. Anyway, I got sidetracked there–other things I liked: gratuitous abs and another stellar hot male lead, girl never disappoints in the man candy dept. Also when things got scandalous and there was a little sex tryst that resulted in lightning. I think she’s trying to tell us she’s got mad bedroom skillz. Lastly the white criss cross crop was killing it. Things I could do without: barefoot in the woods,all of the superimposed eyes coming in hot. Too many eyes, too little faces. Will they ever find each other?

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3. Brett Eldredge throws an impromptu karaoke bar crawl in Nashville. Sex on a stick, Brett confirmed what I’ve believed for many years now, that I should probably live in Nashville, when he posted an instavideo telling people to meet him at Warner Music if they wanted to do some karaoke. He then filled a party bus and went bar hopping with a bunch of strangers singing karaoke. Some of the songs he sang included: No Diggity, Ignition, Bang Bang, The Joker by Steve Miller Band and obviously he did his best impression of himself when he noticed his own songs were on the karaoke machine as well. My obsession with Brett grew three sizes and I wasn’t even there to witness this. If I was there I ABSOLUTELY would’ve knocked it out of the park with Bye, Bye, Bye. Brett could be the JC to my JT any day.

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4. Missy Elliott’s music video dancer still goes HAM on those moves. While rest of the world quickly forgot about Missy after the Super Bowl I obviously did not and went on a binge of her classics so when I stumbled upon this video I felt it was necessary to share, to keep the Missy love alive. Alyson Stoner was like an 8 year old dancer in every single one of Missy’s music videos and she was a little white girl with puffy bangs who was G AF. Example:

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She was also in Cheaper by the Dozen, Step up (s), and Mike’s Super Short Show for all you Disney kids like me. Naturally as fading stars do, Alyson caught a wiff of the Missy nostalgia and just made a Missy Tribute video (she ain’t dead yet gurl) showing off her moves from the music video days–mostly to hawk that she’s now a singer too, but we’ll let it slide. She’s still a straight up gangster and I’m big enough to admit my dance skillz are sub-par so it was cool to watch. All this buzz is probably leading up to a Missy comeback and I love every minute of it.

5. In honor of 50 Shades opening weekend, here’s the only appearance leading up to the premiere that didn’t make me cringe all over. Jamie Dornan on the Tonight Show doing some sexy accents and popcorn reading. If you’re going to see the movie this weekend just close your eyes and picture his buttery accent wafting over your body instead of bland.com Dakota Johnson/Anastasia meekly whispering her lines while the two of them exude the sexual tension of cardboard. Happy Valentine’s Day ❤

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Weekly JUice

1. Jimmy Fallon moved The Tonight Show to LA for a week and amped up the 90’s nostalgia. Obviously everyone and their mother posted this on social media yesterday but it deserves several re-watches. This Saved by the Bell Reunion was the best thing that has happened to me since the Full House reunion last year. Judge me, I dare you. Anyway this is the gang 25 years later and they all look exactly the same. HOW?! (To be clear: MPG looked weird because they did awk makeup and wig things to him, he’s actually still a smoke) Props to Fallon for knowing that Lisa Turtle didn’t have a place in this reunion and obviously Screech the creepy jailbird. They hit all the classic Bayside jokes and we even got a Belding Hey HEY what is going on HERE?! Side note: Where is Rod Belding these days? Does he also look woof or did he luck out with the good Belding brother genes? So many probing questions. Anyway…in addition to seeing Slater dance in a leotard, Jimmy also brought back the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, arguably the greatest TV theme song in history and this may have been overlooked because it happened right after the Super Bowl, but it’s still pretty great. Enjoy a trip down 90’s lane courtesy of Jimmy Fallon.

Throwbacks:

Also relive the appearance that preludes the SBTB reunion…Since MPG did his Zack Morris bit before everything was on YouTube, watch it here

2. In the cold long days of winter, thirsty girls across America got their first teaser trailer for Magic Mike XXL. Warner Bros capitalized on the obsession we all had with Channing’s epic solo strip to Pony by Ginuwine and I for one couldn’t be more pleased. The gratuitous sexual innuendos are free flowing and the abs plentiful. If this doesn’t pull you out of your blizzard blues for 1 minute and 36 seconds, ladies, I don’t know what will. Fingers crossed that the second installment has less drugs/artsy statements about stripping and more naked Channing and Matt Bomer Jams. Double fingers crossed that the lead love interest isn’t a straight up dude like she was in the original. Total Bomer kill.

3. Okay mop up your drool, we’re going back to family friendly headlines from this week now. Lennon & Maisy AKA the two child stars of the show Nashville got their start by doing duet viral videos. This past week they released a new take on the song Boom, Clap by Charli XCX. I know that I razz Nashville a lot for it’s predictable plot lines and terrible characters–all in good fun obviously–but this video just shows the reason I started watching this show. It’s for unknown singers who crush it. These two might annoy the F out of me on the show as whiny little teenage princesses but they’re REAL talented and for a 13 year old and an 8 year old to be this good it’s worth watching.

4a. Jeter’s Girl Hannah Davis snagged the cover of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. Now that she’s fully mainstream I would expect nothing less than for Jeets to move onto the next.

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Also making headlines this week-the very first “plus sized” model to be featured in the SI swimsuit issue. If this is what we’re calling plus sized I think I’ll go jump off a cliff now. Judging by this “plus sized” model being a size 10, I must be a candidate for Too Fat To Live, coming to TLC in the Spring.

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4b. In related but not really related news (aka I just want to yap about it) there has been quite a buzz around Boston this week due to a trashmonster posting a photo that she snapped after getting boned by Julian Edelman, Patriots player and #2 GQ model on the team (#1 is Brady obv.) It’s a selfie she took in bed with him sleeping next to her that says “I just F’ed Edelman no lie.” Class act.

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After shaking his ass on the duck boat in the Pats parade there were other snapchats getting tossed around of girls partying at his hotel. And here’s my lesson of the day. I’m embarrassed of my generation and the fact that we live in the mentality of pics or it didn’t happen but at the same time, Jules–you just won a Super Bowl and you’re hot as shit, MAYBE start scooping up phones when you hang out (bang) girls you meat at the club. How does this relate to my SI Juice? Jeets was a PRO at banging randoms and keeping it under wraps. Rumors are that there were no cellphones allowed past the gates of St. Jetersberg and he even gave out gift baskets to compensate disabling all social media bragging rights. Take notes, Jules cause you can’t be having every post-victory tryst broadcast on the twitterverse. And that’s my lesson for the day. You’re welcome. If you’d like to hire me for PR, visit my about page for contact info.

5. Ugh, if I must, JT confirmed on his birthday (January 31st) that him and that wife of his are expecting even though we all saw her baby bump for a while now…This was totally a case of if I look away it’s not really happening. Neither of them publicly confirmed it so I pretended she wasn’t really pregs and when he broke the news on his birthday he honestly ruined a joyous occasion for me and I hope that he’s happy about that. I’m guessing this means I no longer have a chance. Whutever.

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Weekly JUice

1. It’s only fair that since I teased this on last week’s JUice, I include the full ad this week. Here’s Budweiser’s Super Bowl installment of puppy-horsey love and a super smoke farmer. I want to be up front with you guys and tell you that I did have some tear action while watching this and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Also I’m a little irritated that wolves get a bad rep in this very animal friendly ad because the wolves that I know personally from The Wild in Chittenango, NY are basically puppies as well and not evil puppy-eaters.

2. Deflategate was over-talked about and pretty stupid.(Mostly because I’m not football savvy enough to even understand what was going on) But this clip from Jimmy Kimmel with hot celebs doing hilarious Boston accents is the stuff:

3. Missy Elliott to join Katy Perry’s Halftime show. This is still just a rumor but I’m reporting it like it’s true because I want it to happen. I wrote in my High School Dance mix yesterday how I was missing my grl Missy Elliott and would like her to come back stat. There is a lot of potential for her to own this year’s half time show if she makes an appearance (and sings Work It) and hopefully overshadow the fact that Lenny Kravitz will unfortunately be a part of the show. Also Katy Perry wore this outfit to the presser yesterday and I puked.

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4a. Emma Watson is cast as Belle in the Beauty & the Beast movie. I don’t have an aggressive opinion about this either way, she’ll probably do great but I wouldn’t have pegged her as the Belle of Hollywood.The reason I’m posting this headline is solely so that I can include the opening song from Beauty & the Beast.

“MARIE, THE BAGUETTES, HURRY UP.”-The meanest husband in the world. “I NEED SIX EGGS.”- The worst mom in the world dropping her 10 babies on the ground. Also not nitpicking here but are we sure there wasn’t ANYONE else who could’ve also nailed the part of Belle? Jus Sayin.

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4b. While we’re on the topic of Disney princesses, they have just announced their very first Latina princess, Elena of Avalor. Elena is wearing the same outfit as the salsa dancer emoji. I know I make this comparison pretty often but it’s usually spot on.

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And to that I say, original princesses FOREVA. Seriously, stop trying to one-up the classics cause it will never happen.(Cough, cough, Frozen.) Also for everyone who complains there wasn’t diversity in the older princesses, we had Jasmine the Arabian princess. And Ariel the redhead. Diversity up the wazoo. Anyway, I would appreciate it if in the event that Disney continues to have a new princess every year, that they could separate their princess merchandise from the classics. If I get one more band aid that puts Cinderella next to Rapunzel like they’re BFF’s I’m going to sue. All princesses post-2000 are new age and thus should have separate merch. I rest my case.

5. Suge Knight was arrested for involvement in a fatal hit and run while filming “Straight Outta Compton”. No seriously. That sounds like a made up headline. Could Suge Knight be more of a gangster? Suge was a part of the East Coast vs. West Coast battles in the 90’s and people legit think he killed Tupac and then Biggie to cover it up. Also he’s been shot like 10 times. He was shot at Kanye’s pre-VMA party in 2008 and then he was shot 6 times at Chris Brown’s VMA party last year.(How one gets shot 6 times and just shakes it off is baffling to me.) Bruh, stop going to the VMA’s. In fact, Suge should probably just stop leaving his house. His rap sheet details stabbing, domestic violence, robbery, drugs, aggravated assault, parole violations… Seriously don’t F with Suge Knight. He quite literally embodies the term THUG LYFE. Also ironic that his name comes from his nickname “Sugar Bear”. Does this look like a sugar bear to you? Hope everyone in the jail he’s heading to is prepared for fuzzy wuzzy Sugar Bear’s arrival.

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