JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 6/15/15

1. Channing Tatum. On the press circuit for Magic Mike:More Male Twerking to Ginuwine Music (Official title obv.) Channing has been flaunting those abzz and his dirty teenage boy humor all over the place. I don’t hate it one bit. After riding a float in last weekend’s Pride parade in LA with Matt Bomer (SWOON), he also did an AMA this week and let us in on some key Channing secrets.

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In summary: He also gets lost in Matt Bomer’s eyes “made of dreams, rainbows and amazingness.” He learned how to dance by clubbin in Florida, there will be no full frontal nudity in Magic Mike XXL but there is little left to the imagination, he hearts pinterest and carebears, he adds cheetos to his PB&J, and he’s named is penis Gilbert. Welp there you have it folks. The most important tidbits from the mind of Channing. If you have a better attention span than me, you can read the full AMA here.

2. Hilary Duff brings back Lizzie Mcguire Movie Isabella accent. Hilary Duff’s shitty Italian accent MAKES the Lizzie McGuire movie pretty much golden. A loyal fan asked her this week to reenact it while she was promoting her new album and she happily obliged and I watched it and was embarrassed for her all over again. What a gem to entertain Lizzie McGuire fangirls. Fingers crossed she actually makes an Isabella dubsmash. That would be what dreams are made of.

3. Tim Riggins is single, everyone form a line behind me.

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While being interviewed for Elle magazine, Taylor Kitsch (forever and always Riggs) admits he’s single because he chooses not to balance a relationship with his hectic lifestyle. He wouldn’t want to ask a woman to wait for him for several weeks at a time while he’s doing press or filming. I’d just like to put it in writing for all the internet to hear, I will wait an indefinite amount of time for you, Riggs. Just let me know when you’re ready, no regrets. (coincidentally also his personal email sign off…sigh.)

4. Aziz Ansari and Jimmy Fallon show everyone how bad guys are at texting. Aziz just released a new book about how dating today sucks and to prove his point him and JFall played a little game called let’s remind girls how terrible guys are at texting. They read some embarrassing opening lines and I would like everyone who is in a relationship to have a moment of silence for what all of us single ladiezzz are dealing with. Although to be clear, it’s not just texting. I once had a guy who was chatting with me fart and then take a lap to air it out before returning and announcing that he just farted. Crushed it.

5. Kim K is a dum dum and everyone made fun of her. This doesn’t kount as Kardashian knews because I’m really just reporting on the bits that made fun of her…much more entertaining for all. Anyway, Kimmy wrote future Kimmy a letter that was so stupid I couldn’t even listen to more than one second of it. I could, however, listen to both Jimmy Kimmel and James Corden mock it on each of their shows. Enjoi.

BONUS: While people are getting chomped on by sharks left and right (not funny, literally my greatest fear) Zac Efron is riding sharks in Hawaii.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

1. Jimmy Fallon moved The Tonight Show to LA for a week and amped up the 90’s nostalgia. Obviously everyone and their mother posted this on social media yesterday but it deserves several re-watches. This Saved by the Bell Reunion was the best thing that has happened to me since the Full House reunion last year. Judge me, I dare you. Anyway this is the gang 25 years later and they all look exactly the same. HOW?! (To be clear: MPG looked weird because they did awk makeup and wig things to him, he’s actually still a smoke) Props to Fallon for knowing that Lisa Turtle didn’t have a place in this reunion and obviously Screech the creepy jailbird. They hit all the classic Bayside jokes and we even got a Belding Hey HEY what is going on HERE?! Side note: Where is Rod Belding these days? Does he also look woof or did he luck out with the good Belding brother genes? So many probing questions. Anyway…in addition to seeing Slater dance in a leotard, Jimmy also brought back the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, arguably the greatest TV theme song in history and this may have been overlooked because it happened right after the Super Bowl, but it’s still pretty great. Enjoy a trip down 90’s lane courtesy of Jimmy Fallon.

Throwbacks:

Also relive the appearance that preludes the SBTB reunion…Since MPG did his Zack Morris bit before everything was on YouTube, watch it here

2. In the cold long days of winter, thirsty girls across America got their first teaser trailer for Magic Mike XXL. Warner Bros capitalized on the obsession we all had with Channing’s epic solo strip to Pony by Ginuwine and I for one couldn’t be more pleased. The gratuitous sexual innuendos are free flowing and the abs plentiful. If this doesn’t pull you out of your blizzard blues for 1 minute and 36 seconds, ladies, I don’t know what will. Fingers crossed that the second installment has less drugs/artsy statements about stripping and more naked Channing and Matt Bomer Jams. Double fingers crossed that the lead love interest isn’t a straight up dude like she was in the original. Total Bomer kill.

3. Okay mop up your drool, we’re going back to family friendly headlines from this week now. Lennon & Maisy AKA the two child stars of the show Nashville got their start by doing duet viral videos. This past week they released a new take on the song Boom, Clap by Charli XCX. I know that I razz Nashville a lot for it’s predictable plot lines and terrible characters–all in good fun obviously–but this video just shows the reason I started watching this show. It’s for unknown singers who crush it. These two might annoy the F out of me on the show as whiny little teenage princesses but they’re REAL talented and for a 13 year old and an 8 year old to be this good it’s worth watching.

4a. Jeter’s Girl Hannah Davis snagged the cover of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. Now that she’s fully mainstream I would expect nothing less than for Jeets to move onto the next.

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Also making headlines this week-the very first “plus sized” model to be featured in the SI swimsuit issue. If this is what we’re calling plus sized I think I’ll go jump off a cliff now. Judging by this “plus sized” model being a size 10, I must be a candidate for Too Fat To Live, coming to TLC in the Spring.

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4b. In related but not really related news (aka I just want to yap about it) there has been quite a buzz around Boston this week due to a trashmonster posting a photo that she snapped after getting boned by Julian Edelman, Patriots player and #2 GQ model on the team (#1 is Brady obv.) It’s a selfie she took in bed with him sleeping next to her that says “I just F’ed Edelman no lie.” Class act.

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After shaking his ass on the duck boat in the Pats parade there were other snapchats getting tossed around of girls partying at his hotel. And here’s my lesson of the day. I’m embarrassed of my generation and the fact that we live in the mentality of pics or it didn’t happen but at the same time, Jules–you just won a Super Bowl and you’re hot as shit, MAYBE start scooping up phones when you hang out (bang) girls you meat at the club. How does this relate to my SI Juice? Jeets was a PRO at banging randoms and keeping it under wraps. Rumors are that there were no cellphones allowed past the gates of St. Jetersberg and he even gave out gift baskets to compensate disabling all social media bragging rights. Take notes, Jules cause you can’t be having every post-victory tryst broadcast on the twitterverse. And that’s my lesson for the day. You’re welcome. If you’d like to hire me for PR, visit my about page for contact info.

5. Ugh, if I must, JT confirmed on his birthday (January 31st) that him and that wife of his are expecting even though we all saw her baby bump for a while now…This was totally a case of if I look away it’s not really happening. Neither of them publicly confirmed it so I pretended she wasn’t really pregs and when he broke the news on his birthday he honestly ruined a joyous occasion for me and I hope that he’s happy about that. I’m guessing this means I no longer have a chance. Whutever.

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