JUice

Weekly JUice

1. NYFW-DIS BLAKE’S SHIT. RESPECT THAT. BOW DOWN BITCHES. Seriously though is it New York Fashion Week or Blake Lively Week? Did she just have a baby or something? NBD but HBD.

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Also Rihanna probably should’ve just turned around and went home in that bathmat top and strategically hanging off of her arms bedazzled jean jacket.

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2. Taylor Swift releases music video for Style on Friday the 13th (duh). It was certainly not what I expected from Tay for this little number but watch below and then I’ll force my commentary on you.

Obviously Blank Space was a bananas video so to follow that is already tough stuff. This was an artsy approach to the one of many songs that were about her former lovah Harry. I guess I can respect the visuals and the tree trunk growing in her spine for the most part…Things that I really liked: the red lips when he looks in the rearview mirror although I don’t condone scaring someone when they’re driving at night. It’s been a known fear of mine to drive somewhere in the dark by myself, look in the rearview mirror and see someone’s face. So although it looked cool in the video it’s also terrifying. Anyway, I got sidetracked there–other things I liked: gratuitous abs and another stellar hot male lead, girl never disappoints in the man candy dept. Also when things got scandalous and there was a little sex tryst that resulted in lightning. I think she’s trying to tell us she’s got mad bedroom skillz. Lastly the white criss cross crop was killing it. Things I could do without: barefoot in the woods,all of the superimposed eyes coming in hot. Too many eyes, too little faces. Will they ever find each other?

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3. Brett Eldredge throws an impromptu karaoke bar crawl in Nashville. Sex on a stick, Brett confirmed what I’ve believed for many years now, that I should probably live in Nashville, when he posted an instavideo telling people to meet him at Warner Music if they wanted to do some karaoke. He then filled a party bus and went bar hopping with a bunch of strangers singing karaoke. Some of the songs he sang included: No Diggity, Ignition, Bang Bang, The Joker by Steve Miller Band and obviously he did his best impression of himself when he noticed his own songs were on the karaoke machine as well. My obsession with Brett grew three sizes and I wasn’t even there to witness this. If I was there I ABSOLUTELY would’ve knocked it out of the park with Bye, Bye, Bye. Brett could be the JC to my JT any day.

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4. Missy Elliott’s music video dancer still goes HAM on those moves. While rest of the world quickly forgot about Missy after the Super Bowl I obviously did not and went on a binge of her classics so when I stumbled upon this video I felt it was necessary to share, to keep the Missy love alive. Alyson Stoner was like an 8 year old dancer in every single one of Missy’s music videos and she was a little white girl with puffy bangs who was G AF. Example:

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She was also in Cheaper by the Dozen, Step up (s), and Mike’s Super Short Show for all you Disney kids like me. Naturally as fading stars do, Alyson caught a wiff of the Missy nostalgia and just made a Missy Tribute video (she ain’t dead yet gurl) showing off her moves from the music video days–mostly to hawk that she’s now a singer too, but we’ll let it slide. She’s still a straight up gangster and I’m big enough to admit my dance skillz are sub-par so it was cool to watch. All this buzz is probably leading up to a Missy comeback and I love every minute of it.

5. In honor of 50 Shades opening weekend, here’s the only appearance leading up to the premiere that didn’t make me cringe all over. Jamie Dornan on the Tonight Show doing some sexy accents and popcorn reading. If you’re going to see the movie this weekend just close your eyes and picture his buttery accent wafting over your body instead of bland.com Dakota Johnson/Anastasia meekly whispering her lines while the two of them exude the sexual tension of cardboard. Happy Valentine’s Day ❤

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JUice

Weekly JUice

1. THE MOST IMPORTANT NEWS RELATED TO THE SUPER BOWL THIS WEEK: Budweiser releases some teaser footage of their annual ad full of puppies and horsies. This year’s ad is called “Lost Dog” and I think I speak for all white girls when I say I CAN’T EVEN with these clips and pictures of the wittle baby puppy wandering around lost and scared. Budweiser better deliver that happy ending, I barely sat through Homeward Bound and I cannot handle another pet being lost. We don’t need another Sarah Mclachlan travesty of a commercial on our hands, Bud.

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Since we don’t know the outcome of this little guy’s muddy adventure just yet, let’s pick ourselves back up by watching last year’s ad “Puppy Love”

Enjoy crying into your buffalo wing dip this year at the Super Bowl.

2. Ellie Goulding released the music video for Love Me Like You Do off of the Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack. I’m including this for all my 50 Shades Fanatics. I haven’t read the book because if I’m going to read a novel about BDSM I’d prefer that my mom and grandma haven’t read the same one. I probably won’t see the movie either because I saw the chemistry between these two at the Golden Globes and it wasn’t worth a sizzle reel. However, this song is catchy and I can get down with it. So jam out and enjoy some lip biting, long stares and O faces set to Ellie’s magical voice, you wacky sex fiends.

BONUS: In related 50 Shades news this week, apparently the scene from the book including a tampon being ripped from Ana’s vag will NOT be included in the film, which is a shame really because nothing gets me going quite like my uterine wall shedding every month.

3. Chad Michael Murray got married to Sarah Roemer and they’re expecting. Don’t know who Sarah Roemer is? A quick trick to figure out who CMM is dating is to browse the cast list of his most recent TV Show/Movie.

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Chad is a co-star whore. It all started with Sophia Bush on OTH, then “allegedly” Paris Hilton on House of Wax and finally he was engaged to extra Kenzie Dalton from OTH for like ever and most recently was Nicky Whelan also his co-star from Chosen (awwkkk these three worked together and he boned both.) He can’t keep his hands home while he’s working apparently. He’s been dating Sarah since August, so it’s obviously reaaall serious. I hope for all One Tree Hill fans that he called Sarah last minute from the airport to get hitched in Vegas. And she showed up and said, You’re a mess, Chad Michael Murray–But you’re my mess. Cue the ambiguous too-deep-for-high-school literature quote:

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4. Mrs. Doubtfire to become a musical. Alan Menken who is like the #1 Disney composer revealed that he’s been writing music for the musical version of Mrs. Doubtfire and Harvey Fierstein will be writing the book. Fierstein played the brother who did the infamous Mrs. Doubtfire makeover in the movie. My thoughts on this childhood favorite of mine becoming a musical can be summed up in one word: NOOOOOOOOOOOO. Seriously not everything needs to be sung. Three thousand thumbs down to this idea and the film’s sequel as well. Leave the classic alone, poppets.

5. JLo dished on Watch What Happens Live and continued her fashion tour of “I’m 45 and I’ll leave my tits and ass out as much as I please”.

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When asked about her exes, JLo revealed that clearly she doesn’t go for looks, delivering a nice zinger to her ex-husband and father of her children, Marc Anthony. Yeah girl, we know. Also she’s still willing to rob the cradle, which we all assumed by her recent wardrobe choices and her affinity to get reeeall close with her baby costar from the glorified Lifetime movie that came out last weekend “Boy Next Door”. (Unrelated: does anyone wanna go see that with me? Let me know.)

Bonus: Nick Jonas grabbed his junk again. This time in a suit. You’re welcome ladies…

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