Spring is in the air and Hollywood’s finest / youngest are gracing the Met red carpet in outrageous getups that narrowly relate to a central theme. What a time to be alive. Since last year’s “theme” was just a bunch of words in another language, it was a breath of fresh air that this year they just went with Catholicism. Probably the best theme I’ve seen thus far in the 4 years that I’ve been blogging this asshole fashion event. Peep below for headdresses and lace galore. And literal Jesus. No seriously, he resurrected to attend a Hollywood art/fashion event. And his name is also Jared Leto. Also, spoiler alert but nobody will ever top this look and that seems pretty obvious.

NOW THAT’S HOW YOU DO CATHOLICISM. BOOM. CHURCHED.

WORST

SRY for the small pics I had to rip these off of twitter. Much like Solange ripped this Hefty bag out of her trash can, blew air into it and tied it around her legs to look like 2 giant vulvas.

MAHM LIFE.

None of this screams Catholic to me.

Kim looks good obviously, but you can’t tout yourself as a huge celeb then show up to a themed event wearing a gold gown with a cross sticker slapped on the front. Talk about mailing it in.

Selz is really into the babydoll gown and it’s just not the most flattering. Especially when you pair it with what my hair looks like in high humidity and a brown spray tan. Yikes.

Ya’ll know my thoughts on Zendaya. She consistently looks like a garbage can on the red carpet and I do not support it.

Hate to do it to good ole Geeg but this doesn’t have a wow factor AND it’s not on theme.

Oh let’s just sew three completely different fabrics in different colors togets. Ok.

Sick block shoulders.

IDK what the fahk is going on here but Frances has HAD her time to shine this awards szn. Cut the crap here.

There’s so many things that I can’t get on board with here. Clear stripper heels being the most prominent.

I’m starting a new trend of just respecting the hell out of the assholes who overcommit to the theme because it makes it more fun but I just cannot give Katy Perry any sort of credit. Everything she does is annoying and I refuse to give her props for this outfit. If ANYONE else wore it I’d be like that’s awesome. But it’s her. And therefore, NOTHIN.

I’m so perplexed by this? Are those cutouts over her boobs? And if so, why don’t we see nips? Also along the lines of Kimmy K, tossing a rosary on with your dress doesn’t make it Catholic.

Besides that skirt looking like a soft place to land for a nap, there’s nothing special about this outfit.

This photograph literally will give me nightmares for the rest of time. Which might be a nice change up from my nightly reoccurring dream that I find out I’m pregnant AND i’m in labor in the same day. Not a dream I would wish on anyone.

WAITER.

First of all, she just had a baby. There BETTER be spanx on under that dress or I’ll be pissed. Second of all, no FOREVER to 90’s small shades.

If this was a Michael Jackson tribute that would be fine.

There must’ve been a bargain price on this circular headdress because 90% of the females there were wearing it. This look by “SZA” (is that a name?) didn’t impress. Mostly because the giant circles of tulle just chillin at her waist.

If you’re old I would advise AGAINST the high pony.

This was a big deal with the youths because apparently these two are on that show Riverdale and made their debut as a couple for this event but like the bigger deal is those hard flare crop gauchos on this guy.

Wasn’t she in that movie Letters to Juliet? Is this a costume from said movie?

Amal’s so above Hollywood that she took “Catholicism” as Hawaiian floral pantsuit.

I was watching Kate walk the red carpet and get photographed and she kept rapidly blinking and creepily moving her head like a doll. It was beyond creepy. That’s all I see when I look at this outfit.

WHAT does neon blush have to do with anything. Also, sweet cherub chillin between your legs.

No comment. I put this one up just because I laughed at it so hard.

Cover your ass in the house of the Lord, Zoe.

The mighty have fallen. They win my best dressed last year and this year can’t even hang. What’s with the slicked hair, Tommy? Or the knockoff Belle dress, Gisele?

This is straight out of the Hunger Games. I kinda want those boots though.

BEST

I mean…could there be a more spectacular sight? No. No there cannot.

I’d like to first point out how great it is that SJP brings Andy Cohen consistently to red carpets instead of her husband. Especially because you KNOW Matthew Broderick wouldn’t put up with this shit. Girl is wearing a tabernacle on her head. And check out Andy’s sparkle loafs WOOOO buddy. Head to toe assholeness and I love it.

I usually shit real hard on Madonna’s Met Gala looks but spin zone, she made the best dressed because she is literally covering her entire face and body and for that I approve wholeheartedly. It was also brought to my attention that she looks like the below character from a horror movie and that makes me laugh a lot. Entertainment value: high.

I’ve never seen a white pantsuit get werked harder. See? I can appreciate a Kardash every once in a while.

There has never been a more Jesus lookin celebrity on this earth and I’m so happy Jared was willing to play into it. Lana, stop trying to steal his spotlight with daggers hanging out of your chesticles.

This is my favorite event every year because it’s the only one that drags these two trolls out of the closet, typically wearing dark cloaks. I live for the once a year glimpse and I’m actually surprised they’re not both holding cigs here.

Didn’t see an overwhelming amount of men’s fashion shots so I gotta give the guys a little love here. Baller move to go white and gold with a cape.

I said the last cape was a baller move but this is a REAL baller move to flash that rainbow flag right in the church’s grillpiece.

DAYUMN.

Yeah you dress up that pre-marital baby bump, grrrrll. GOD SEES THAT.

Almost as creepy as Kate Bosworth but I dig this look a little more. Can’t explain why. Probably because I judge outfits immediately based on no fashion expertise whatsoever.

Honestly this ombre wrap of tulle looks real comfy to lay down and take a nap in. Dual purpose, probably.

Not over the top but I’m digging the red and gold halo combo.

Gabs just wore a yellow gown. Hate that she pulled that move when there were a billion things to do with this theme, but can’t knock the fact that she looks like a total babe soda.

I just really love Michelle Williams and I think she looks good. That’s all.

As previously mentioned, I’m all in on the red and gold. I’m all OUT on Tats McGee in the background struttin her stuff.

HOW COOL IS THIS?! Sistine chapel ceiling ON YOUR GOWN. I’m obsessed.

I can always get down with a hood up. One time when I was younger I wore my hood up around the house so much that my parents made a rule no hoods in the house (I was going through an emo phase.) Either way, I wish it happened now so that I could show them hoods are ACTUALLY high fashion.

This is how you tastefully tell everyone you’re an angel, KATY PERRY. Wear an actual halo.

Again, another superior example to Katy Perry’s disaster. Here’s some cool ass wings that don’t stand erect like you’re holding your own VS Fashion Show. Well done, Evan.

Sup.

I think this is my favorite look of the night. She looks hot as hell.

No clue what this has to do with the theme but I would one day like to be rich enough to have over the knee boots made to match my dress exactly.

I like the dark lip and gold chainzzzz. Kind of Egyptian but whatever.

OK YES. Can I borrow this for the impending Royal nuptials? I don’t see anything wrong with wearing this in my living room at 7AM as I watch the wedding on TV.

It says a lot about a person’s beauty if they can pull off blood tears and still look fab.

Another ignoring the theme but who cares because I’m rocking it sitch.

Last year Bella wore a see through jumpsuit. I like that she showed she has versatility and covered up for the man upstairs this year.

OBVIOUSLY the look of the night was RiRi coming as the actual Pope. Kills me every time I look at it. Especially with that mean mug. Like yeah I’m wearing the pope’s hat, my tits and my bits hanging out, with a pearl anklet. YOU WANNA FIGHT?