JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 2/25/19

1. JoBros Are Back.

No more purity rings for these bros, they’re all spoken for and they do sex now. And what a way to show us all that they do! I mean that scene with Sophie licking her lips at Joe suspended naked from the ceiling? Hot damn! And they’re the only couple that isn’t married! Spicy. I get that they were trying to go for a Taylor Swift in a bath tub full of diamonds or standing on a horse in her yard levels of asshole richness for this video, but I gotta be honest, this doesn’t really seem that far-fetched. I mean they literally just spent a month in India throwing the most lavish wedding celebration ever. I bet they filmed this there too. At like Pri’s family house or something. Also important to note: this video was an open invitation to the gun show, hosted by none other than Nick. Rich or not, Nick would like everyone to know he’s having a steamy affair with lifting weights with the amount he’s been going sleeveless lately. I’m surprised he didn’t pop the top errr fancy patterned trench coat for this formal painted portrait at the end. Cement those swole ‘ceps into history. Anyway, now that I feel like I’ve adequately ripped this vid to shreds, let’s talk about how I don’t hate the song at all and I’ll be turning up to it this weekend. When I have an extra glass of wine before popping in the ole Redbox. THE JONAS BROTHERS ARE IN TOOWNNNNNN. It’s LIT.

2. 90210, Also Back?

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I’d like to say that I got the tip off on this news as my sister sent me the official Fox press release. We’ve got connections. 90210 will be returning with the original cast for what I gathered is going to be a reality/meta experience. Brandon, Kelly, Steve, Donna, David & Andrea will return to a 6 episode event playing themselves basically. Apparently it’ll be inspired by their real lives and relationships and I’m just not sure I can do it. First of all, it’s been 19 years since the OG ended. Name one human who looks the same as they did 19 years ago. Age is a sneaky bitch and she hasn’t been kind to all of these cast members. Not going to name names but you know who you are. Secondly, they did a reboot of 90210 with a younger generation that included Kelly in it and Donna popped in for a few epis and I watched it for any breadcrumb of the old characters they might drop and I was NOT pleased to find out that Donna and David weren’t together anymore. What fresh hell is that? If you do a reboot you keep your core couples together and I won’t hear anything otherwise. Lastly, this may be redundant on my point about age but Luke Perry AKA Dylan just suffered a stroke IRL. Hope he’s ok (T’s and P’s) but also that means Kelly and Dylan will never be together and Luke probably won’t be popping onto the show for some guest appearances. Am I shipping TV couples from the 90’s a little too hard? Probably. Am I still going to watch this show? Obviously. See you this summer.

3. Lady Gaga Fooled Us.

Everyone had their panties in a knot after Gaga & Brad’s Oscars Shallow performance, myself included. They eye boned the shit out of each other then snuggled up at the end for what looked like it was going to be a full tongue kiss, but they decided to leave that for the paying customers. 99% of the tweets I was reading were about poor Irina, sitting front row for this cuck-fest, probably planning for joint custody of their child and mentally dividing their assets. Btw, if we’re taking a stance here, I’m firmly #TeamIrina. Don’t break up a family. Gagz. But alas, there’s no need to worry because Gaga went on Kimmel and was like LOL Fooled y’all! Have you uneducated losers ever heard of ACTING?! They were playing their characters and that seems PRETTY obvious. That wasn’t fresh off a broken engagement Gaga and currently taken with a baby Bradley, that was Ally and Jackson, who are very much in love, doing the duet of a lifetime. And us drooling over their looks and touches just gave them the highest compliment we could’ve. Best acting job of the year. Although, if they were playing their characters why wasn’t Bradley completely trashed? Also, spoiler alert–alive? Hmmmmmm…… Either way, still was the best thing about the Oscars and deserves to be watched over and over again.

 

4. Taylor is V. Active on Insta

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She just read all the theories 🙀

A post shared by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on

Many rabid T.Swift fans are predicting a new music drop tomorrow based on what they believe to be sneaky clues via her Insta. Since Taylor has been calculated every single time she posts, this would not be remotely surprising if it were to be true. (Please say it’s true.) Her last three posts are associated with a countdown of sorts. The first one has palm trees signifying how many albums she’s had–separation for pop and country albums. In her video for Look What You Made Me Do, she’s in the background of all her video characters at the end in a palm tree shirt.

View this post on Instagram

🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴

A post shared by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on

Then she’s sitting on the 6th stair and then there’s five holes in the fence. Honestly the people who sniff this shit out should be full time detectives. Proud of them. I’m just like oh, Taylor’s posting ambiguous shit, wonder what she’s up to. They’re like measuring the circumference of the fence hole and relating it back to a lyric she wrote in 2009.

View this post on Instagram

💗

A post shared by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on

View this post on Instagram

💛

A post shared by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on

On the official Taylor Swift calendar, there’s a giant flower on March 2nd. She’s about to be on a magazine cover and she rarely does press unless she’s promoting something.

The list goes on and on. So if the new music happens tomorrow I can say I told you so, otherwise we’ll all just carry on with our lives and let the Swifties continue to dissect everything that she does and entertain me with their crazy theories. Also if this is true, that’s some genius marketing shit right there.

5. TR Play Us Out

I could do my last item about Jordyn Woods going on Jada Pinkett Smith’s FB live show today to say that the only thing she did wrong was go to Tristan Thompson’s house for a party, but he’s the one who no tongue kissed her goodbye. Or the fact that Khloe Kardashian IMMEDIATELY tweeted in response that she’s a dirty liar and is the reason her family is now shattered. OR I could just post Thomas Rhett’s new song and let it play you into the weekend because it’s a beat. Either one works.

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Red Carpet

Oscars Red Carpet 2019

Here it is. The night I dread every year because it means I no longer have a legitimate reason to drink several glasses of wine on a Sunday night and pretend fashion critic is my actual career. The night I always expect to be blown away because it’s “Hollywood’s Biggest Night” and yet every year I’m disappointed and bored to tears. Obviously this year was no different. Every stylist slobbered all over the color pink and pretty much ruined it for everyone ever again (Except for Julia Roberts who skipped the red carpet but looked like a pink babe soda while presenting best picture.) Also I stick to my guns and refuse to crown a best look of the night because I remain McKayla Maroney levels of unimpressed.

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WORST

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If we’re being real here, I gasped when I saw Amy take the stage. She looked like an unwell ghost and this tuxedo wasn’t helping her case at all.

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Just plop a giant bow on the shoulder of my Barbie pink dress. It’ll be supes classy.

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He looks like a gay clergyman, which is a real oxymoron.

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OMYGAW. I brushed hair out of my eye just looking at all the feathers poking her retina. And it gets 1000x worse as your eyes travel south, much like this bird outfit should’ve.

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I laughed out loud when I saw this because I was convinced it was a #TBT picture from the 2001 Oscars. Or maybe, 2001 school dance even.

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You know I can never get down with erect shoulders.

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I had a shorter version of this as a sundress 9 years ago when cinching on dresses/babydoll style was kewl.

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OMG was there a discount on pink obnoxious fabric at Joann’s this week? Must’ve missed it in my coupon email.

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This week’s edition of is she actually wearing a dress? Not really sure because all I see is skin tone. Only way you can tell she is? I don’t see nips.

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Alright, that’s enough. Like really. No more.

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Is he robbing a bank or attending the Oscars?

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SHAPELESS GRANNY, CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP

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Your weekly reminder that cutouts make even the skinniest of minis look fat.

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GR8 Camo Shorts Suit, Pharell!

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I got a little girl crush on Lucy after seeing Bohemian Rhapsody and honestly expected more from her. Not a huge fan of her purple puffy sleeves. And Rami isn’t wowing me either.

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If I see one more hideous pink dress I’m going to rip my eyeballs clean out of my skull. AND SARAH PAULSON WILL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR BEING THE LAST STRAW.

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This is a fashion designer. That we all wore polos from in the 90’s/00’s. We trusted his taste in clothing. That’s all.

 

BEST

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VavaVoom Amy! SPICING IT UP, FINALLY!

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I’m a sucker for a little sass in the back and Bradley looks like a classic babe as always.

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Sparkly and sexy without being skaaaaaanky. Well done, Brie.

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I ❤ the color of this dress but the hair is a hard pass for me.

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Back to back moments with this robin’s egg blue for me.

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I support anyone who wants to live out their Belle fantasy on the red carpet.

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Flattering and fun!

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The Isadora diamond in How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days is what made me want a canary diamond engagement ring and I’m still not over it. My 13 year old taste in diamonds has not wavered, which is why I’m blown away by this Tiffany necklace. I WANT IT. The dress fabric hips are real weird but honestly that necklace sold the look for me and finishes out Gaga’s classy run this awards season.

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Dug the headband and the fun bottom of this dress.

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Even though the dress looked red on TV and I thought Helen had lost her marbles saying her and Jason Momoa matched, I see now that she doesn’t need to be put in a home and also looks great.

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A beautiful disco ball.

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Love a good puffy ball gown!

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Matching lip and lace! And yes, she’s pregnant. Don’t feel like an asshole, I also questioned if she was at this angle.

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I feel like I usually see Laura Dern in the same exact long sleeve gown every red carpet so I ‘preciate this twist and she pulls it off!

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Every girl collectively swoons at MB Jordz bringing his mom as his date. She’s on my best dressed as a courtesy and because I thought it would be rude to crop her out (Earn your spot, Mama Jordan, no handouts going forward.) Michael looks like a stunner as always.

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Jason is 100% easily my favorite pink look of the night. Right down to his matching scrunchie. Get itttttttttt. (Again, drama with cropping out what clearly doesn’t belong on the best dressed….Lisa it’s obvious you should see yourself out.)

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Honestly I miss Paul Rudd. Where’s he been?

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Was this the only white dress of the night? It’s basically a sheet cinched at the hip and yet Regina looks sexy.

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My way of including the guys who stand out from a regular ole black tux.

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A vision in blue.

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Honestly I don’t have a best dressed of the night because I wasn’t blown away by anyone and I’m not gonna bullshit for the final night of awards season. Do better next year ya buhholes. So in closing, here’s not one but TWO photos of a celebrity flashing the peace sign on the red carpet of the biggest awards show of the year like he’s a dad posing in front of the Eiffel Tower and not nominated for Best Actor (lookin at you Viggo.) It made me laugh. A lot. (Also peep Ed Begley Jr’s kicks for an extra laugh. WHAT ARE THOOOOOOOOSE?)

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Red Carpet

Oscars 2018 Red Carpet

The final awards show this season and one last chance for me to get my shots in about the people who starred in the top movies I never saw this past year. JK I saw Ladybird and I, Tonya, so I pretty much crushed it. Fun plot twist this year, apparently if you went to the Olympics and everyone loved you, you also got an invite to the Oscars. Hm, ok. Don’t hate it because I’m an Olympics superfan but still a little weird. Also I’m not sure if all the ladies were on the same page for “wear a color for your cause” because it seemed as though there was a toss up between pink, white and red for which color makes the TIME’S UP statement. Anyway, here we GO!

WORST

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Excuse me ma’am did you get lost and stumble onto the red carpet? What’s the security like out there?

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I’m all about the gold and I would love this dress if it didn’t have the girl scout sash of beads across her shoulder.

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I’m not even kidding I thought this was a costume for an SNL sketch because 90% of the time Maya looks like she’s smirking and there’s no way that this can be taken seriously.

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Thanks for showing up with astro turf on your bod.

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From what I hear (spoiler alert) this is the actress who played a mute woman who had sex with a swamp creature and this dress isn’t doing anything to distract me from that.

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These flowers are annoying me. I realize how petty I’m being but GUESS WHAT ITS MY RED CARPET AND I DO WHAT I WANT.

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This take might ruffle some feathers because everyone is drooling all over this dress but what the hell is with the GIANT BOW dangling off her basically non-existent waist?

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I love a good mint but the top half of this is too house on the prairie.

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This is not what I was expecting. Is the Oscars really the place to debut a pink sparkly number with giant hoops? Just wondering.

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Ok, that is enough.

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Looking over her sunglasses (definitely transition lenses) at the camera like this is such a bold red carpet pose I don’t even know what to do with it. Doesn’t change the fact that she’s wearing a bedspread.

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I’ve been a real flip flopper on this. Originally I was like ok she’s quirky and yellow is different but then I always circle back to you’re making history as the first female director nominated in like 30 years and you chose to wear a banana colored prom dress on the big night.

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Armie, you’re probably the hottest guy at the Oscars (no Leo this year 😦 or Harry Styles…) and you chose to dress like a waiter. I do not accept this.

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I love me some Adam Rippon and his sass on sass on sass at the Olympics was everything I never knew I needed but this outfit unfortunately is not.

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This is a lot happening all at once.

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WHEN WILL VELVET GO AWAY THOUGH?! Jordan looks dece.

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Apparently this old bird wore this dress to the Oscars when they first started or something and repurposed it for this year’s red carpet.

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This is a cotton candy snooze.

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SELMA. WHAT ARE YOU DOING. IS THIS VELVET OR SHIMMERS OR ALL OF THE ABOVE? BARF CITY.

BEST

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Full disclosure at first I hated this but now it’s growing on me and also male fashion was slim pickins’ this year.

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Gal basically adorned herself in diamonds & sparkles and this is how you should dress for the Oscars.

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I feel like we haven’t seen Sandy in forever and I’ve missed her so much. I would’ve rather watched her and Nicole Kidman shoot the shit about Practical Magic and drinking tequila for 3 hours than the actual awards.

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Zendaya usually dresses like a real asshole so I approve of this wholeheartedly.

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Pretty sure this is Margot Robbie’s go-to look this awards season but it obviously works so whatever.

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DA-YUMN, GRL.

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Obviously not the best Emma’s ever looked but her hair looks fresh AF and she’s rockin the sexy biz suit deal.

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Since Meryl has declared herself queen of all, I’m assuming red was the official time’s up color for this show.

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They’re so cute and ever since I saw The Big Sick I’m all about these two lovebirds.

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Honestly I wouldn’t dare put Taraji on the worst dressed. Did you see her curbstomp Ryan Seacrest?

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Camila kind of looks dead behind the eyes and Matthew does nothing but creep me out ever since Magic Mike but props to the coordination of her jewels and his bowtie.

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Look at this little heartthrob nugget. Brought his mom as his date and wears a white tux, panty soaker 101.

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I shit on Giuliana a lot so here’s me being nice. She looks fab.

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I’m putting my prejudices aside as I’ve been re-watching One Tree Hill and Maria as Jules is one of the worst characters on this planet but she looks like a babe soda.

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Ya’ll know I dig a good princess ball gown.

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Classsssic.

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Still can’t believe this is Jonah Hill’s sis.

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The one Olympian who got it right for the red carpet. Good thing Tonya Harding wasn’t invited…

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This stomps all over Meryl Streep’s red gown, respectfully of course.

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I’ll group these two together since that’s what the red carpet did all night. They showed up as dates to talk about feminist legislation and stuff. Both look gr8. I’m really digging on the flower gown.

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This is tough because Laura is on point here but you KNOW how I hate a rogue sleeve. So unnecessary.

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Only MJB can make Jimmy Neutron hair look this classy.

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Now this is a boss outfit.

FAVORITE LOOK OF THE NIGHT:

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I’m obsessed with everything going on here. The dress. The color. Her windblown model hair. The fact that she hasn’t aged a day ever. DO IT UP JEN.

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Red Carpet

Oscars 2017 Red Carpet

Awards season is over and if we’re being real it kinda sucked this year. No one’s outfit made me uncontrollably drool because it was so amahzing and on the flip, no one’s was so offensively bad that I wanted to burn my TV just from looking at it. And realistically you know I’m all about extremes. Dramatic reactions or bust. Anyway, the Oscars took a sharp nosedive roughly 6 minutes into the show when JT handed that mic over to Jimmy Kimmel and everyone knows it. Here’s what people wore to this snoozeroni.

WORST

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This weird panel down the middle of her top isn’t doing it for me.

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Sweet butterflies, you get that dress at Aeropastale?

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I don’t know if he does this on purpose but like does he ever take a break from being Lucious Lyon?

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This is so bad that I’m almost wondering if someone tried to F with Dakota and told her the Oscars were doing an ancient time period theme.

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If we’re being honest I discriminate against velvet because the texture isn’t my favorite. But also this polka dot thing is weird.

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That belt is from Hot Topic.

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I’m so confused by this afro wig situation. The top left looks like they finished putting this on her head and were like eh needs a little more fake hair and just plopped some on top. It’s a rogue fro and I can’t stop looking at it in horror.

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Yeah, ok.

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I probably wouldn’t have hated this so much had I not seen the baby nub ponytail that Charlize is rocking in the back when she presented onstage. Threw off the whole vibe.

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Weird satin pants/skirt combo deal. Plus word on the street is she was paid to wear this and that’s some bullshit.

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Nothing like a good front ruffle. Naht.

BEST

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Chad Radwell can get it.

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There’s nothing Michael Strahan can’t do. Swagger on swagger.

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PRINCESS DRESS.

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Hair color is pretty woofie but I’m down with this dress.

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Very close second to being my favorite look of the night.

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Leslie Mann is crushing this color.

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You can pretty much never go wrong with a black dress and red lip.

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Even though Taraji’s roll-on Bath and Body Works body glitter was v distracting while she was presenting, she looks hawt here.

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Michelle literally looks like she’s in pain. Just ignore that and admire the dress.

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Check that pocket square though.

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This is a momentous occasion. Nicole Kidman looks ACTUALLY GOOD and made my best dressed!! Congrats to you, grl. What an honor.

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Emma Stone is flawle$$.

matt-damon

I DON’T SEE JIMMY KIMMEL ON THIS BEST DRESSED LIST.

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These ruffles are stupid but I would NEVER put RyRy on the worst dressed.

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I can dig the geometric neckline.

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I put this on here so my boyfriend wouldn’t get mad at me because he has a crush on The Rock.

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Blue suit of the night.

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This is nice. I seriously don’t even have anything to say about dresses anymore. It’s Monday morning and I’m sitting next to a live construction zone aggressively using power tools and no I am not ok. My brain hurts.

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SUMMER.

BEST COUPLE/LOOK:

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Hot Damn your boy looks good here. And he banged the opener so hard. Because he is perfect.

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Special shoutout to Jess because I actually really liked this look and I always shit on her because she stole my man. Also couple goals that she grooved with him in the aisle. Timberlakes 4 life.

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Movies, Television

Oscars 2016 Recap

chrisrock

WHOA. If you were looking for an uplifting three and half, yes THREE AND A HALF hours on a Sunday night, you probably shouldn’t have tuned into the Oscars. Hollywood is RACIST, college campuses are RAMPANT with sexual assault and the earth is MELTING…but here are a bunch of awards for movies you probably didn’t see! YAY! Here’s a VERY cliff notes version of what you may have missed–other than a lot of scolding about how terrible we are as a human race.

-Chris Rock’s monologue was funny and succeeded in making white people feel like garbage can racists. Really could’ve used a little Michael Scott in there to ease the tension in the room.

-In efforts to speed up the longest, most boring awards show ever, the Oscars introduced the “Thank You” ticker to run onscreen as winners walked up to the stage. They hoped that by getting all the names out of the way, stars would give cool speeches that everyone can turn into powerful quote gifs, except that didn’t even a little bit happen. The show ran over by 35 minutes, everyone repeated all the names they already shouted out AIM profile style in the ticker and the speeches were DUDS.

-Stacey Dash gave everyone the uncomfies. Literally. We could see it on their faces.

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-Jared Leto suggested that I google “Merkin”, so I did. And I regretted it. #PubeWig

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-Mad Max looks scary as hell and also it won 5 awards b2b. Costume designers continue to dress like they’re going out to grab a burger. In 1995.

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-This guy killin the creepy smile/wave game and it’s essentially a mirror image of me when an attractive male looks my way.

 

-Hollywood loves Samoas just as much as they love pizza.

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-Another new addition to the awards, pop up video style facts every time someone took the stage. In theory it was informative–in reality, it became very clear which actors have never sniffed at an Oscar. Sofia Vergara’s fun fact was that she once starred in a movie with an Oscar-winner. So that’s really embarrassing.

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-Fake Suge Knight got more camera-time than J.Law. LoL to this blonde for grabbing her 15 seconds of fame though.

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-Sam Smith declared he was the first openly gay man to win an Oscar in his speech…whoops, not so fast, Sammy!

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-In probably the best bit of the night, Chris Rock trolls moviegoers in Compton. My favorite part is when Chris promises these are real movie titles and the girl replies, “Like in London and stuff?” Click here to watch.

-Jacob Tremblay finishes awards season strong as the cutest little nugget.

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Chris was gr8 in Madagascar.

-LEO WINS HIS OSCAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a BOSS.

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Red Carpet

Oscars Red Carpet 2016

Awards season is OOOOOVERRRRRR. And not a minute too soon, honestly because I feel like this year’s showing has been rough city. Since I know you’re all wondering, I wore custom extra baggy sweatpants with “Cuse” written on the left leg in zebra print (REPRESENT) paired with a men’s thermal long sleeve shirt (no bra, obviously) and Saturday night’s hair–tousled to perfection (slept in.) Let’s see how the stars compared…

WORST:

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What fresh hell is this?

At first I only saw the back and had high hopes for the front…but womp wompp the front is long pasties essentially.

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I’d be so down with this dress if it was strapless and the weird pocket swoops didn’t happen.

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Oh Jared, you cut the ombre pony and then wear this? It’s all wrong.

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Emily normally kills it but I’m not in love with this color or style on her.

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Not her best.

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

Not to be confused with Oprah…a woman with a chest tat and a diamond spider on her hand.

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

MEH.

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

This is an Easter egg bridesmaid gown ‘splosion.

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

The diamond cutout, the curtains material, the 90’s platforms–all make for worst dressed.

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

This looks like something Goldie Hawn would wear in First Wives Club. (I don’t even know where that came from…don’t question it.)

BEST:

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

To be honest I didn’t fall over backward for this look, as I’ve been known to do with anything Rachel wears. That sideboob though, scandal.

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

Jennifer is elegant AF.

KATE & LEO! Giving the people what they want, walking the red carpet as Jack and Rose, if Jack didn’t die in freezing cold waters. Credit where credit is due, Kate tried something completely different here and looks like a sexbomb. Leo brings it out in her, prob.

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

These two are always looking fresh and adding a baby bump to the mix didn’t change a thing.

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

Julianne puts a twist on the classic black gown.

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

Love the matching necklace

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Our two purple beauties B2B, Reese looks like she doesn’t age ever.

jlaw

Normally hate ruffles but you can’t deny JLaw looks like a hot piece here.

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

Lady Gaga in a classy white jumpsuit, minimal jewels and makeup! Go, gurl.

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Was this the only red of the night? That’s one way to stand out. The other is to have a slit down to your belly button.

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Sarah looks probably the best I’ve ever seen her look.

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Seacrest looking sharp as ever in a grey jacket.

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

This is easily my favorite man look of the night. Michael looks fresh 2 death.

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

I love this color on her, wish the bottom hem wasn’t bubbled like that.

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

Normally don’t go for the all-over sparkles but she looks gr8.

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Damn I wish she wore her hair down because she has perfect hair always in Quantico but this dress is the stuff.

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

Eddie Redmayne doesn’t have a stylist and him and the wifey consistently look like fashionistas on the red carpet.

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Fun fact: Liev picked out this dress for Naomi and even though there’s a lot going on there I think she crushes it.

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

I did a double take because I don’t think I’ve ever seen Sacha lookin this good. Isla looks fab even though it looks like she’s wearing an ocean-themed shower curtain.

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

Brie looking like a dime and also forcing Ryan Seacrest to mop up his drool as he interviews her and yaps about how everything she says is SO AWESOME.

FAVE LOOK OF THE NIGHT:

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

I just really love this color. Plus she looks like a stunner.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 1/11/16

1. Brett’s drunk and sexy. 

The song is obviously a banger and the video gives the ladies what they want: double the Brett. ALSO a pure bonus is the fact that Brett’s brother makes a cameo and is equally as sexy as Brett. Two thumbs up and fine holiday fun to the Eldredge brothers. I wouldn’t mind being the meat in that sandwich. Too much? Too little? Just enough?

Screen Shot 2016-01-14 at 8.18.49 PM

 

2. Adele’s Got Flow

What did we learn on the latest edition of Carpool Karaoke? Adele misses her mouth just as much as I do when drinking. *Stars, they’re just like us* She’s a closet rapper. She kind of talks like Eliza Doolittle. I want to be her friend…especially if she gets drunk and hands people money. Also James has got some pipes apparently? Even Adele was impressed. PS OF COURSE IT WAS RAINING IN ENGLAND. Double PS, Posh & Nicki approve:

 

3. Oscar Noms are Accidentally(?) Racist.

Click here to see full list.

The nominations for the most boring and lengthy awards show ever have been announced and apparently it was a little heavy on the whites. I can’t comment to any of the nominations specifically because I watch movies like The Duff and have not seen one single flick in the running. However, if Leo doesn’t take home the W, we strike. (JK I’ll never strike. I’m much too obsessed with myself to ever starve the world of my opinions during awards season.) Anyway, back on topic, the lack of diversity among nominees just guarantees us some edgier and “funny because it’s true” material from host Chris Rock. Don’t let us down, Chris. Also pls try to tell inapprops jokes without swear words or else we’ll be forced to listen to the bleep button all night again like a bunch of preschoolers.

4. Chelsea Does Drugs.

Watch trailer here.

Chelsea Handler ended her talk show on E a couple years ago so that she could sign a deal with Netflix for standup and an original series, where she apparently just tries different things each episode. Unfortunately, the first one is where she literally just does drugs. I think it’s time to call it a wrap on my girl Chels. I’ve read all her books and used to religiously watch her show but like c’mon, I don’t need to see her do hallucinogens. Plus, that little nugget Chuy is nowhere to be found creepily calling her Miss Chelsea. No thanks.

5. Friends Reunion-NAHT.

Friends

It’s a REAL slow news week, and therefore I’m going to rant so hard. Hey everyone on Facebook, this is not a real Friends reunion. Some of the actors from Friends (and Will & Grace) are gathering to talk about a director and that’s that. If I see one more Buzzfeed or status about how everyone’s peeing their pants in excitement for a Friends comeback I’m going to lose my shit. Friends isn’t coming back. I want you to think long and hard about what you’ve done to not make this happen.

unagi

RIP 1D (for real this time…probably.) Remember them fondly through this music video, handpicked by the biggest directioner I know.

 

Also since I feel so bad about this week’s JUice being mud, please accept this adorable vid of dog BFF’s hugging as a consolation prize:

 

 

 

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