Red Carpet

Oscars 2018 Red Carpet

The final awards show this season and one last chance for me to get my shots in about the people who starred in the top movies I never saw this past year. JK I saw Ladybird and I, Tonya, so I pretty much crushed it. Fun plot twist this year, apparently if you went to the Olympics and everyone loved you, you also got an invite to the Oscars. Hm, ok. Don’t hate it because I’m an Olympics superfan but still a little weird. Also I’m not sure if all the ladies were on the same page for “wear a color for your cause” because it seemed as though there was a toss up between pink, white and red for which color makes the TIME’S UP statement. Anyway, here we GO!

WORST

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Excuse me ma’am did you get lost and stumble onto the red carpet? What’s the security like out there?

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I’m all about the gold and I would love this dress if it didn’t have the girl scout sash of beads across her shoulder.

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I’m not even kidding I thought this was a costume for an SNL sketch because 90% of the time Maya looks like she’s smirking and there’s no way that this can be taken seriously.

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Thanks for showing up with astro turf on your bod.

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From what I hear (spoiler alert) this is the actress who played a mute woman who had sex with a swamp creature and this dress isn’t doing anything to distract me from that.

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These flowers are annoying me. I realize how petty I’m being but GUESS WHAT ITS MY RED CARPET AND I DO WHAT I WANT.

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This take might ruffle some feathers because everyone is drooling all over this dress but what the hell is with the GIANT BOW dangling off her basically non-existent waist?

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I love a good mint but the top half of this is too house on the prairie.

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This is not what I was expecting. Is the Oscars really the place to debut a pink sparkly number with giant hoops? Just wondering.

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Ok, that is enough.

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Looking over her sunglasses (definitely transition lenses) at the camera like this is such a bold red carpet pose I don’t even know what to do with it. Doesn’t change the fact that she’s wearing a bedspread.

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I’ve been a real flip flopper on this. Originally I was like ok she’s quirky and yellow is different but then I always circle back to you’re making history as the first female director nominated in like 30 years and you chose to wear a banana colored prom dress on the big night.

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Armie, you’re probably the hottest guy at the Oscars (no Leo this year 😦 or Harry Styles…) and you chose to dress like a waiter. I do not accept this.

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I love me some Adam Rippon and his sass on sass on sass at the Olympics was everything I never knew I needed but this outfit unfortunately is not.

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This is a lot happening all at once.

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WHEN WILL VELVET GO AWAY THOUGH?! Jordan looks dece.

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Apparently this old bird wore this dress to the Oscars when they first started or something and repurposed it for this year’s red carpet.

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This is a cotton candy snooze.

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SELMA. WHAT ARE YOU DOING. IS THIS VELVET OR SHIMMERS OR ALL OF THE ABOVE? BARF CITY.

BEST

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Full disclosure at first I hated this but now it’s growing on me and also male fashion was slim pickins’ this year.

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Gal basically adorned herself in diamonds & sparkles and this is how you should dress for the Oscars.

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I feel like we haven’t seen Sandy in forever and I’ve missed her so much. I would’ve rather watched her and Nicole Kidman shoot the shit about Practical Magic and drinking tequila for 3 hours than the actual awards.

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Zendaya usually dresses like a real asshole so I approve of this wholeheartedly.

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Pretty sure this is Margot Robbie’s go-to look this awards season but it obviously works so whatever.

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DA-YUMN, GRL.

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Obviously not the best Emma’s ever looked but her hair looks fresh AF and she’s rockin the sexy biz suit deal.

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Since Meryl has declared herself queen of all, I’m assuming red was the official time’s up color for this show.

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They’re so cute and ever since I saw The Big Sick I’m all about these two lovebirds.

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Honestly I wouldn’t dare put Taraji on the worst dressed. Did you see her curbstomp Ryan Seacrest?

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Camila kind of looks dead behind the eyes and Matthew does nothing but creep me out ever since Magic Mike but props to the coordination of her jewels and his bowtie.

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Look at this little heartthrob nugget. Brought his mom as his date and wears a white tux, panty soaker 101.

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I shit on Giuliana a lot so here’s me being nice. She looks fab.

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I’m putting my prejudices aside as I’ve been re-watching One Tree Hill and Maria as Jules is one of the worst characters on this planet but she looks like a babe soda.

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Ya’ll know I dig a good princess ball gown.

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Classsssic.

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Still can’t believe this is Jonah Hill’s sis.

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The one Olympian who got it right for the red carpet. Good thing Tonya Harding wasn’t invited…

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This stomps all over Meryl Streep’s red gown, respectfully of course.

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I’ll group these two together since that’s what the red carpet did all night. They showed up as dates to talk about feminist legislation and stuff. Both look gr8. I’m really digging on the flower gown.

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This is tough because Laura is on point here but you KNOW how I hate a rogue sleeve. So unnecessary.

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Only MJB can make Jimmy Neutron hair look this classy.

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Now this is a boss outfit.

FAVORITE LOOK OF THE NIGHT:

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I’m obsessed with everything going on here. The dress. The color. Her windblown model hair. The fact that she hasn’t aged a day ever. DO IT UP JEN.

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Red Carpet

Oscars 2017 Red Carpet

Awards season is over and if we’re being real it kinda sucked this year. No one’s outfit made me uncontrollably drool because it was so amahzing and on the flip, no one’s was so offensively bad that I wanted to burn my TV just from looking at it. And realistically you know I’m all about extremes. Dramatic reactions or bust. Anyway, the Oscars took a sharp nosedive roughly 6 minutes into the show when JT handed that mic over to Jimmy Kimmel and everyone knows it. Here’s what people wore to this snoozeroni.

WORST

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This weird panel down the middle of her top isn’t doing it for me.

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Sweet butterflies, you get that dress at Aeropastale?

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I don’t know if he does this on purpose but like does he ever take a break from being Lucious Lyon?

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This is so bad that I’m almost wondering if someone tried to F with Dakota and told her the Oscars were doing an ancient time period theme.

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If we’re being honest I discriminate against velvet because the texture isn’t my favorite. But also this polka dot thing is weird.

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That belt is from Hot Topic.

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I’m so confused by this afro wig situation. The top left looks like they finished putting this on her head and were like eh needs a little more fake hair and just plopped some on top. It’s a rogue fro and I can’t stop looking at it in horror.

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Yeah, ok.

89th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 26 Feb 2017

I probably wouldn’t have hated this so much had I not seen the baby nub ponytail that Charlize is rocking in the back when she presented onstage. Threw off the whole vibe.

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Weird satin pants/skirt combo deal. Plus word on the street is she was paid to wear this and that’s some bullshit.

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Nothing like a good front ruffle. Naht.

BEST

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Chad Radwell can get it.

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There’s nothing Michael Strahan can’t do. Swagger on swagger.

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PRINCESS DRESS.

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Hair color is pretty woofie but I’m down with this dress.

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Very close second to being my favorite look of the night.

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Leslie Mann is crushing this color.

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You can pretty much never go wrong with a black dress and red lip.

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Even though Taraji’s roll-on Bath and Body Works body glitter was v distracting while she was presenting, she looks hawt here.

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Michelle literally looks like she’s in pain. Just ignore that and admire the dress.

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Check that pocket square though.

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This is a momentous occasion. Nicole Kidman looks ACTUALLY GOOD and made my best dressed!! Congrats to you, grl. What an honor.

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Emma Stone is flawle$$.

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I DON’T SEE JIMMY KIMMEL ON THIS BEST DRESSED LIST.

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These ruffles are stupid but I would NEVER put RyRy on the worst dressed.

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I can dig the geometric neckline.

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I put this on here so my boyfriend wouldn’t get mad at me because he has a crush on The Rock.

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Blue suit of the night.

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This is nice. I seriously don’t even have anything to say about dresses anymore. It’s Monday morning and I’m sitting next to a live construction zone aggressively using power tools and no I am not ok. My brain hurts.

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SUMMER.

BEST COUPLE/LOOK:

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Hot Damn your boy looks good here. And he banged the opener so hard. Because he is perfect.

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Special shoutout to Jess because I actually really liked this look and I always shit on her because she stole my man. Also couple goals that she grooved with him in the aisle. Timberlakes 4 life.

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Movies, Television

Oscars 2016 Recap

chrisrock

WHOA. If you were looking for an uplifting three and half, yes THREE AND A HALF hours on a Sunday night, you probably shouldn’t have tuned into the Oscars. Hollywood is RACIST, college campuses are RAMPANT with sexual assault and the earth is MELTING…but here are a bunch of awards for movies you probably didn’t see! YAY! Here’s a VERY cliff notes version of what you may have missed–other than a lot of scolding about how terrible we are as a human race.

-Chris Rock’s monologue was funny and succeeded in making white people feel like garbage can racists. Really could’ve used a little Michael Scott in there to ease the tension in the room.

-In efforts to speed up the longest, most boring awards show ever, the Oscars introduced the “Thank You” ticker to run onscreen as winners walked up to the stage. They hoped that by getting all the names out of the way, stars would give cool speeches that everyone can turn into powerful quote gifs, except that didn’t even a little bit happen. The show ran over by 35 minutes, everyone repeated all the names they already shouted out AIM profile style in the ticker and the speeches were DUDS.

-Stacey Dash gave everyone the uncomfies. Literally. We could see it on their faces.

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-Jared Leto suggested that I google “Merkin”, so I did. And I regretted it. #PubeWig

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-Mad Max looks scary as hell and also it won 5 awards b2b. Costume designers continue to dress like they’re going out to grab a burger. In 1995.

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-This guy killin the creepy smile/wave game and it’s essentially a mirror image of me when an attractive male looks my way.

 

-Hollywood loves Samoas just as much as they love pizza.

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-Another new addition to the awards, pop up video style facts every time someone took the stage. In theory it was informative–in reality, it became very clear which actors have never sniffed at an Oscar. Sofia Vergara’s fun fact was that she once starred in a movie with an Oscar-winner. So that’s really embarrassing.

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-Fake Suge Knight got more camera-time than J.Law. LoL to this blonde for grabbing her 15 seconds of fame though.

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-Sam Smith declared he was the first openly gay man to win an Oscar in his speech…whoops, not so fast, Sammy!

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-In probably the best bit of the night, Chris Rock trolls moviegoers in Compton. My favorite part is when Chris promises these are real movie titles and the girl replies, “Like in London and stuff?” Click here to watch.

-Jacob Tremblay finishes awards season strong as the cutest little nugget.

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Chris was gr8 in Madagascar.

-LEO WINS HIS OSCAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a BOSS.

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Red Carpet

Oscars Red Carpet 2016

Awards season is OOOOOVERRRRRR. And not a minute too soon, honestly because I feel like this year’s showing has been rough city. Since I know you’re all wondering, I wore custom extra baggy sweatpants with “Cuse” written on the left leg in zebra print (REPRESENT) paired with a men’s thermal long sleeve shirt (no bra, obviously) and Saturday night’s hair–tousled to perfection (slept in.) Let’s see how the stars compared…

WORST:

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What fresh hell is this?

At first I only saw the back and had high hopes for the front…but womp wompp the front is long pasties essentially.

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I’d be so down with this dress if it was strapless and the weird pocket swoops didn’t happen.

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Oh Jared, you cut the ombre pony and then wear this? It’s all wrong.

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Emily normally kills it but I’m not in love with this color or style on her.

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Not her best.

88th Annual Academy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 28 Feb 2016

Not to be confused with Oprah…a woman with a chest tat and a diamond spider on her hand.

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MEH.

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This is an Easter egg bridesmaid gown ‘splosion.

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The diamond cutout, the curtains material, the 90’s platforms–all make for worst dressed.

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This looks like something Goldie Hawn would wear in First Wives Club. (I don’t even know where that came from…don’t question it.)

BEST:

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To be honest I didn’t fall over backward for this look, as I’ve been known to do with anything Rachel wears. That sideboob though, scandal.

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Jennifer is elegant AF.

KATE & LEO! Giving the people what they want, walking the red carpet as Jack and Rose, if Jack didn’t die in freezing cold waters. Credit where credit is due, Kate tried something completely different here and looks like a sexbomb. Leo brings it out in her, prob.

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These two are always looking fresh and adding a baby bump to the mix didn’t change a thing.

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Julianne puts a twist on the classic black gown.

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Love the matching necklace

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Our two purple beauties B2B, Reese looks like she doesn’t age ever.

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Normally hate ruffles but you can’t deny JLaw looks like a hot piece here.

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Lady Gaga in a classy white jumpsuit, minimal jewels and makeup! Go, gurl.

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Was this the only red of the night? That’s one way to stand out. The other is to have a slit down to your belly button.

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Sarah looks probably the best I’ve ever seen her look.

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Seacrest looking sharp as ever in a grey jacket.

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This is easily my favorite man look of the night. Michael looks fresh 2 death.

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I love this color on her, wish the bottom hem wasn’t bubbled like that.

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Normally don’t go for the all-over sparkles but she looks gr8.

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Damn I wish she wore her hair down because she has perfect hair always in Quantico but this dress is the stuff.

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Eddie Redmayne doesn’t have a stylist and him and the wifey consistently look like fashionistas on the red carpet.

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Fun fact: Liev picked out this dress for Naomi and even though there’s a lot going on there I think she crushes it.

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I did a double take because I don’t think I’ve ever seen Sacha lookin this good. Isla looks fab even though it looks like she’s wearing an ocean-themed shower curtain.

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Brie looking like a dime and also forcing Ryan Seacrest to mop up his drool as he interviews her and yaps about how everything she says is SO AWESOME.

FAVE LOOK OF THE NIGHT:

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I just really love this color. Plus she looks like a stunner.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 1/11/16

1. Brett’s drunk and sexy. 

The song is obviously a banger and the video gives the ladies what they want: double the Brett. ALSO a pure bonus is the fact that Brett’s brother makes a cameo and is equally as sexy as Brett. Two thumbs up and fine holiday fun to the Eldredge brothers. I wouldn’t mind being the meat in that sandwich. Too much? Too little? Just enough?

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2. Adele’s Got Flow

What did we learn on the latest edition of Carpool Karaoke? Adele misses her mouth just as much as I do when drinking. *Stars, they’re just like us* She’s a closet rapper. She kind of talks like Eliza Doolittle. I want to be her friend…especially if she gets drunk and hands people money. Also James has got some pipes apparently? Even Adele was impressed. PS OF COURSE IT WAS RAINING IN ENGLAND. Double PS, Posh & Nicki approve:

 

3. Oscar Noms are Accidentally(?) Racist.

Click here to see full list.

The nominations for the most boring and lengthy awards show ever have been announced and apparently it was a little heavy on the whites. I can’t comment to any of the nominations specifically because I watch movies like The Duff and have not seen one single flick in the running. However, if Leo doesn’t take home the W, we strike. (JK I’ll never strike. I’m much too obsessed with myself to ever starve the world of my opinions during awards season.) Anyway, back on topic, the lack of diversity among nominees just guarantees us some edgier and “funny because it’s true” material from host Chris Rock. Don’t let us down, Chris. Also pls try to tell inapprops jokes without swear words or else we’ll be forced to listen to the bleep button all night again like a bunch of preschoolers.

4. Chelsea Does Drugs.

Watch trailer here.

Chelsea Handler ended her talk show on E a couple years ago so that she could sign a deal with Netflix for standup and an original series, where she apparently just tries different things each episode. Unfortunately, the first one is where she literally just does drugs. I think it’s time to call it a wrap on my girl Chels. I’ve read all her books and used to religiously watch her show but like c’mon, I don’t need to see her do hallucinogens. Plus, that little nugget Chuy is nowhere to be found creepily calling her Miss Chelsea. No thanks.

5. Friends Reunion-NAHT.

Friends

It’s a REAL slow news week, and therefore I’m going to rant so hard. Hey everyone on Facebook, this is not a real Friends reunion. Some of the actors from Friends (and Will & Grace) are gathering to talk about a director and that’s that. If I see one more Buzzfeed or status about how everyone’s peeing their pants in excitement for a Friends comeback I’m going to lose my shit. Friends isn’t coming back. I want you to think long and hard about what you’ve done to not make this happen.

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RIP 1D (for real this time…probably.) Remember them fondly through this music video, handpicked by the biggest directioner I know.

 

Also since I feel so bad about this week’s JUice being mud, please accept this adorable vid of dog BFF’s hugging as a consolation prize:

 

 

 

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Movies, Television

Oscars 2015 Recap

Not one to miss out on milking this shit for all it’s worth, I of course had to also recap the big kahuna of all awards shows, the Oscars. The Oscars are notorious for being long and boring as shit. There’s not a lot of alcohol, there’s 1 million categories, many of which contain movies in different languages and they’re really serious. Last year Ellen hosted and managed to make it upbeat and snappy and not excruciating. This year I had high hopes that Neil Patrick Harris would pick up where she left off. Unfortunately, he did not. Here are the highs and lows of the Oscars including a little breakdown of NPH’s opener.

NPH’s monologue was a little bit of talking and a WHOLE lot of singing. I’m not into musicals so that didn’t really do it for me. Save it for the Tony’s. He kicks it off with a great joke about Selma getting snubbed: “Tonight we honor the best and whitest–sorry brightest.” and it all goes downhill after that. The musical number is about how great movies are and there’s a lot of green screen graphics, then Anna Kendrick joins in for shits and hey why not Jack Black too? Jack hates on movies though so they kick him offstage and AK throws her shoe at him. At this point I wanted to throw my shoes at my TV, but I held out hope it would pick up.

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Anna Kendrick sang about NPH getting his throat slit in Gone Girl and they shouted it out to the Kanye interruption which I never need to hear a joke about again for the rest of my life. We all need to cut the shit with giving Kanye the attention he so dearly wants.I think the best part of this opening song was when they panned to the crowd and everyone had a blank stare, I’m also pretty sure Jason Bateman was asleep. Look, alive Oscars…there’s more shitty jokes to come! Here are the best and worst moments, neither of which contain a star-studded selfie that broke Twitter (Miss you Ellen).

Highs:

-NPH’s several tux changes were on point.

-JK Simmons wins and tells everyone to call their parents and listen to them for as long as they want to talk and tell them you love them. This went into effect for me immediately when my mom started texting me from her email on her brand new iPhone 6 that she has no idea how to use. Luh yuh Mom, but technology isn’t for you.

-Adam Levine performs “Lost Stars” from Begin Again (when he dabbled in acting) and every woman in America needed a change of undies after he got down on his knees to serenade them.

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-Polish filmmaker won for foreign film “Ida” gave the longest no F’s given speech ever. He rambled on and called out his drunk Polish friends and as the music started to play him off he just shouted over it until the music was like K, you win. Nailed it. This set a precedent for everyone to give absolutely no regards to the orchestra for the rest of the night. If they really wanted someone to get offstage they were going to have to go up there and drag them off. Well played.

-Neil Patrick Harris hit the crowd and was chatting with all of the seat fillers and pretended that Steve Carrell was also one. It was awkward and unfunny but Steve actually rescued this bit as he’s known to do. He was the best at improv club after all.

-Patricia Arquette wins for best supporting actress and is suuuuper out of breath but she manages to get out some Feminist, Girl Power equal pay shoutouts and Queen Meryl pulls her pom poms out from under her seat and almost rushes the stage in excitement. JLo also shakes it for feminism.

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-Common and John Legend perform Glory and bring the house down. John Legend can serenade me with his angel voice until forever. Apparently Hollywood agrees because they get a standing O and lots of tears.

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-The Ultimate CREEP of the night award goes to none other than John Travolta. He started things off hot on the red carpet by getting all up in ScarJo’s biz:

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Then Idina Menzel presented with him, introduced him as Glom Gizingo (Ha-Ha…Get it cause last year he called her Adele Dazeem and we heard about it for the next 7 months?) and he delivered a quick face rape that I had to cover my eyes for. Here’s a friendly tip, Glom, if you want to seem hip and in on the joke, maybe don’t also give everyone the heebie jeebies while you’re at it. Easily the most entertaining moment of the night though watching Idina try to escape his petting with a smile on her face like this was all planned.

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-Glory wins for best song and we find out that Common’s real name is Lonnie Lynn.

-Lady GaGa does a Sound of Music tribute and for once in her life wears a gorgeous dress, doesn’t do anything zany with her hair or makeup and let’s her great singing voice do the talking. I can dig it. Julie Andrews can too because she geeks out over it and they hug it out.

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-Guy with glasses in the hairtastic Birdman crew thanks Larry, his dog, among his children. Seriously why don’t dogs get more shout outs at awards show? They’re more important than your children.

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-“Gone Girl was originally titled ‘Bitches Be Trippin, Yo’”-NPH

-Eddie Redmayne wins best actor which was announced in the most casj fashion ever from Cate Blanchett, “Okie dokey, Smokey, the winner is…” (I’m guessing that wasn’t on the teleprompter.) Anyway, Eddie loses his shit onstage and it’s kinda adorable and kinda frightening at the same time. He pulls it togets long enough to shout it on out to ALS. No ice buckets though.

Lows:

-Tegan & Sara/Lonely Island perform “Everything is Awesome” from the Lego Movie. Apparently children’s movies are now best enjoyed on acid because this performance had strobe lights and bright colored cowboys and stuffed dogs. It was too much.

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Also since when are three goobers who sing about jizzing in their pants and F-ing mermaids allowed to soundtrack a kids movie? I was really holding out for a remix with one of the old classics. It didn’t happen so feel free to listen to them anyway to forget that stupid song about being awesome.

-There’s a whole lotta suicide action at the show and it’s a real downer. Two women win for (something I’ve never seen and therefore quickly forgot) and as the music is aggressively playing them off, one woman says that she lost her son to suicide and we should all talk about it. The music immediately cuts and maybe we should talk about this later? Then Graham Moore from The Imitation Game accepts an Oscar and is all thanks Oprah for my Oscar tralala when I was fifteen I tried to kill myself. He makes it inspiring but things took a sharp turn real quick. The moral of the story is keep being weird and different and alive and you too will one day get to meet Oprah.

-NPH takes to the crowd again to do a bit with David Oyelowo about how nothing is offensive with a British accent (which usually is true, Brits get away with everything cause they sound classy AF) but this time it’s a really lame bit that’s unfunny. C’mon Neil. Actually while we’re on shitty bits, let’s also discuss when he comes out in his tighty whities. We get it, you have abs for days, but was this necessary?

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-This year’s “pizza” joke was the locked box that NPH kept his predictions in that he made before the show even started and then brought it up 100 times throughout the night to assure everyone that they were secure and have not been tampered with. At the end of the night the payoff is a bunch of one liners of specific things that happened throughout the night. It was stupid and drawn out. The only prediction I laughed at was “Travolta will be back again next year to apologize to Idina for all the face touching.”

-Meryl opens up for the In Memoriam segment saying that actors will always be remembered because we have their body of work that will always live on. Basically if you haven’t performed in something everyone will forget you after you die. The In Memoriam segment itself is just a bunch of drawings of dead people set to sad music. WOOooOooF. Then Jennifer Hudson uses her powerhouse voice to honor them. She has slicked back hair that my mom described via text, “must feel yucky to touch.”

-Terence Howard almost cries onstage about Selma and then gets grabby with the mic which obviously causes some feedback. First time on stage bro?

-Sean Penn presents Best Picture to Birdman and announces it gracefully with “Who gave this son of a bitch his green card?” A little racism to end the night on…the director responds with, “Two Mexicans in a row, that’s suspicious I guess.” Yiikes.

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And that completes the 3 1/2 hour portion of my life dedicated to awards shows every Sunday. I hope that you enjoyed my endless recaps and fashion blogs this awards season. We’ll pick up right where we left off when the 500 Country Music Awards start again in a just a few months time. I for one, cannot wait.

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Movies, Red Carpet, Television

Oscars Red Carpet 2015

This is the last time this season that I’ll get to snark all over famous people in designer dresses while I wear an oversized tee shirt and yoga pants glued to my couch…and it’s bittersweet really. Awards season just flew right on by, and yet it’s still winter. Here are the people who showed up to the biggest awards show in the biz looking wooftastic. To be fair though, they did have to deal with some pretty aggressive rainfall and for that alone they deserve all the awards.

Worst Dressed:

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Eddie Redmayne’s plain suit and hunchback posture and his wife’s curtain dress. No and no.

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This saggy dress is doing nothing for her Gina Rodriguez’s body but make it look like she has a uniboob. Also that bun is aggress.

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First time ever Jared Leto’s hair hasn’t been on point. Add in an umbrella and powder blue suit and I can’t get on board.

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JK Simmons and wifey look like they’re posing for one of those old timey Wild West photoshoots.

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Thank GOD this is the last awards show because I’ve had ENOUGH of Keira Knightley and her whimsical butterfly applique dresses.

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Hate to do this because Kelly looks great, but John Travolta IS a wax figure, right? Hard to believe I used to crush on him during the Danny Zuko days. Also he’s wearing a chain choker.

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Not into the white suit on anyone.

87th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

This is probably the most normal thing Lady GaGa has worn and yet she still managed to borrow Mr. Clean’s gloves and ruin it.

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Don’t even know who this is but this dress is hideous. Sorry, girl.

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I really loved this a lot, Marion Cotillard and then I saw the back…

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This looks a little witchy for me.

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I get that Meryl is God and everyone bows down to her but seriously can she start dressing like it? These church outfits with her hair pulled back are real roughsicles.

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That red belt ruined it for me. Looks like a karate belt.

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Yucky.

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WAY too much green. Also reeeaalllllyyy not into her David Beckham hair.

Singer Solange Knowles arrives at the 87th Academy Awards in Hollywood

1. Why is Solange Knowles at the Oscars? 2. Where is her body?

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Will.i.am channeling Beetlejuice.

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This bid Zendaya has been at every awards show this season looking terrible and I would like an explanation. How does a Disney channel star get to attend everything and bomb the red carpet every single time?

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Real Talk: This dress is not doing her any favors.

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Again, not doing any favors. I know she’s skinny AF but she looks wide here.

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Meh.

Best Dressed:

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I almost put Reese on the worst dressed list simply because I think this was her worst look this season. But then I decided to stop being a B…she still looks good I guess.

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Hawtest couple of the night. Suits on point.

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Although this is a side shot, JLo’s boobs were OBVIOUSLY out to play. Yeah yeah she always looks young and hot and great. Blah, blah. She wore the same exact dress all season. Yawn.

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This photo only made the list because Mark Ruffalo’s wife looks great but check out that stank face. Girl is ABOVE this red carpet bullshit.

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America looks GREAT and it’s a color no one else wore, props.

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Can’t resist that sparkle on Anna Faris.

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Wittle baby Ansel crushing his first Oscars.

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I’m a sucker for a turquoise necklace.

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One of my fave couples bringing it as always.

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Jessica Chastain getting boobalicious but not over the top (JLo, take notes.)

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Cheryl Hines looking young and fresh in a sparkly one strap.

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Chloe Grace Moretz in a princess ball gown.

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Yum. Where’s his “best friend from home” Tara?

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Damn, grl.

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Could’ve dressed up the gym ponytail but whatevs I’ll throw her a bone for the dress.

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David Oyelowo (still have to google that) always has a snazzy tux.

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Edward looks plain but his wife is pulling that mermaid dress OFF.

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Not my favorite from Emma, I mean her sparkle pantsuit DID win my best dressed of the night at the Globes, but not the worst either.

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Almost won my favorite look of the night until Cin got all Joan Rivers on me and told me it wasn’t that great. Whatevs. I think this dress is cool and different.

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Flower’s a little much but Gwen looks gr8.

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Jamie Chung with a fireworks dress.

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Jen is back in my good grace’s after some terrible looks this season. Ending on a high note.

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Only yellow of the night!

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UNCLE JESSE!!!

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SUMMER’S HERE. Lara Spencer rockin that hot pink/turquoise combo.

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I’m pretty sure Laura Dern is old as shit and she DOES NOT look like it here.

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Lupita just knows how to red carpet it up.

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This is mostly about Miles Teller’s hawt girlfriend bringing the heat.

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SASS in the BACK.

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Another one ending on a high note after a dicey awards season, Rosamund Pike.

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Twist on the typical black gown.

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Nance looks fab, I guess Steve does too.

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Viola Davis in a flattering ball gown.

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AK with coral and T’s (tastefully) out for the red carpet.

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Didn’t she just pop out twins? Pregnancy Rack – Baby Bump= Bangin.

And finally my favorite look of the night and Best Dressed of the Oscars 2015 goes toooooooooo……

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Margot Robbie, the australian smokeshow who is my age. I also look like this when I go out on the town, so whatevs.

Bonus: Other than a bunch of stupid questions and awkward what are you wearing’s, this happened on the red carpet, and it was adorbsies:

emmajen

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