The final awards show this season and one last chance for me to get my shots in about the people who starred in the top movies I never saw this past year. JK I saw Ladybird and I, Tonya, so I pretty much crushed it. Fun plot twist this year, apparently if you went to the Olympics and everyone loved you, you also got an invite to the Oscars. Hm, ok. Don’t hate it because I’m an Olympics superfan but still a little weird. Also I’m not sure if all the ladies were on the same page for “wear a color for your cause” because it seemed as though there was a toss up between pink, white and red for which color makes the TIME’S UP statement. Anyway, here we GO!

WORST

Excuse me ma’am did you get lost and stumble onto the red carpet? What’s the security like out there?

I’m all about the gold and I would love this dress if it didn’t have the girl scout sash of beads across her shoulder.

I’m not even kidding I thought this was a costume for an SNL sketch because 90% of the time Maya looks like she’s smirking and there’s no way that this can be taken seriously.

Thanks for showing up with astro turf on your bod.

From what I hear (spoiler alert) this is the actress who played a mute woman who had sex with a swamp creature and this dress isn’t doing anything to distract me from that.

These flowers are annoying me. I realize how petty I’m being but GUESS WHAT ITS MY RED CARPET AND I DO WHAT I WANT.

This take might ruffle some feathers because everyone is drooling all over this dress but what the hell is with the GIANT BOW dangling off her basically non-existent waist?

I love a good mint but the top half of this is too house on the prairie.

This is not what I was expecting. Is the Oscars really the place to debut a pink sparkly number with giant hoops? Just wondering.

Ok, that is enough.

Looking over her sunglasses (definitely transition lenses) at the camera like this is such a bold red carpet pose I don’t even know what to do with it. Doesn’t change the fact that she’s wearing a bedspread.

I’ve been a real flip flopper on this. Originally I was like ok she’s quirky and yellow is different but then I always circle back to you’re making history as the first female director nominated in like 30 years and you chose to wear a banana colored prom dress on the big night.

Armie, you’re probably the hottest guy at the Oscars (no Leo this year 😦 or Harry Styles…) and you chose to dress like a waiter. I do not accept this.

I love me some Adam Rippon and his sass on sass on sass at the Olympics was everything I never knew I needed but this outfit unfortunately is not.

This is a lot happening all at once.

WHEN WILL VELVET GO AWAY THOUGH?! Jordan looks dece.

Apparently this old bird wore this dress to the Oscars when they first started or something and repurposed it for this year’s red carpet.

This is a cotton candy snooze.

SELMA. WHAT ARE YOU DOING. IS THIS VELVET OR SHIMMERS OR ALL OF THE ABOVE? BARF CITY.

BEST

Full disclosure at first I hated this but now it’s growing on me and also male fashion was slim pickins’ this year.

Gal basically adorned herself in diamonds & sparkles and this is how you should dress for the Oscars.

I feel like we haven’t seen Sandy in forever and I’ve missed her so much. I would’ve rather watched her and Nicole Kidman shoot the shit about Practical Magic and drinking tequila for 3 hours than the actual awards.

Zendaya usually dresses like a real asshole so I approve of this wholeheartedly.

Pretty sure this is Margot Robbie’s go-to look this awards season but it obviously works so whatever.

DA-YUMN, GRL.

Obviously not the best Emma’s ever looked but her hair looks fresh AF and she’s rockin the sexy biz suit deal.

Since Meryl has declared herself queen of all, I’m assuming red was the official time’s up color for this show.

They’re so cute and ever since I saw The Big Sick I’m all about these two lovebirds.

Honestly I wouldn’t dare put Taraji on the worst dressed. Did you see her curbstomp Ryan Seacrest?

Camila kind of looks dead behind the eyes and Matthew does nothing but creep me out ever since Magic Mike but props to the coordination of her jewels and his bowtie.

Look at this little heartthrob nugget. Brought his mom as his date and wears a white tux, panty soaker 101.

I shit on Giuliana a lot so here’s me being nice. She looks fab.

I’m putting my prejudices aside as I’ve been re-watching One Tree Hill and Maria as Jules is one of the worst characters on this planet but she looks like a babe soda.

Ya’ll know I dig a good princess ball gown.

Classsssic.

Still can’t believe this is Jonah Hill’s sis.

The one Olympian who got it right for the red carpet. Good thing Tonya Harding wasn’t invited…

This stomps all over Meryl Streep’s red gown, respectfully of course.

I’ll group these two together since that’s what the red carpet did all night. They showed up as dates to talk about feminist legislation and stuff. Both look gr8. I’m really digging on the flower gown.

This is tough because Laura is on point here but you KNOW how I hate a rogue sleeve. So unnecessary.

Only MJB can make Jimmy Neutron hair look this classy.

Now this is a boss outfit.

FAVORITE LOOK OF THE NIGHT:

I’m obsessed with everything going on here. The dress. The color. Her windblown model hair. The fact that she hasn’t aged a day ever. DO IT UP JEN.