Another Sunday and another large glass that has suspiciously filled itself with wine has come and passed. I honestly don’t even remember if I’ve ever watched the SAG Awards before but I can pretty much assure everyone that I never want to watch them again. I punished myself beforehand by watching 2 hours of the E! Red Carpet–mostly for the mani cam (amirite?!) and had to put up with a whole lot of Maria Menunous being awkward and telling people “I Love It,” when she wanted to prove she wasn’t listening to anything they said. Ross Matthews made a lot of jokes that the celebs didn’t laugh at and Kelly Osbourne kept trying to bring the conversation back to Keira Knightley’s dress on more than one occasion. Here are the best and worst looks of the night…

Worst Dressed:

I don’t even know who this is but she will forever be known as the SAG Salsa Dancer.

Amanda Peet, I don’t know what’s going on with the black accents and the diamond poof in the middle but I don’t like it.

This polka-dotted spaghetti strap combo is from an MK&A movie. I’m split though because Andy Samberg is PULLING those frames OFF.

Not digging this dress that looks like a vest on Anna Chlumsky

I don’t care that you’re 17 now Ariel Winter, for pete’s sake put the boobs away for a hot second.

GUYS IT’S ANDREA FROM 90210 aaand she looks rough.

No Jen, no. This is a curtain.

LOVE the color, HATE the chunky waist/bottom.

Oh Lo, why didn’t you clear your dress by LC? The cleave, the slicked hair, the flesh colored dress. Bai.

Mags must’ve been reading my blog and stepped up her frumpy aunt game, selecting a skin hugging white number for tonight. Well, joke’s on you Maggie cause I still don’t love it. I like where your head’s at though, keep working on it. I’ll check back on your progress at the Oscars.

Bridesmaid dress for a Valentine’s Day wedding.

Meryl…dress like you own Hollywood because we all know you do. She looks like she’s 900 attending her own funeral in this outfit.

Off the shoulder+Fur trim on Naomi=tack city

Do I want to take a nap in this because it looks really cushiony? Yes, yes I do. Do I think it looks good? Hard no.

This is a step up from her actual GLAD black garbage bag from the Globes but it’s still supes unflattering and a terrible color.

I like everything about this dress except for the halter neck that reminds me of a bathing suit.

I cannot with Keira this awards season. Everything she wears makes me wonder who allowed her to do so. The color is fab city, but this literally looks like someone wrapped her in scraps from Joann Fabrics and pinned it in the back. Girl has one chance left to redeem herself.

Best Dressed:

Lupy was originally on my worst dressed list, then I went to write something about this dress and realized it had grown on me in like a matter of 20 minutes. She wears it well. Good work Lupdawgs.

Sofia doesn’t stray from the “I have the body of a bombshell and I’m going to throw it in everyone’s face”. Respect.

People are already jumping on Amy’s shit for being pregnant, so like if you’re wondering why Hollywood women don’t eat I can pinpoint the reason why.

Claire Danes wearing the army green and going for something different. I can dig it.

YES Emma Stone making the Tuxedo jacket as a dress look cool, why you ask? Because it has a train and isn’t just her throwing on Andrew’s suit coat with a pair of heels and calling it a day.

This is very princess mystical. (This is me trying to use different words.) Also fun fact: it’s a two piecer.

Felicity Jones in a soft pink looking elegant AF.

Men only make the best dressed if they wear something other than a typical black tuxedo. Props to Jesse.

Julia killin the sexy lace vibe.

I don’t think I love this but I also don’t think I can call it a worst dressed, so you snuck this pantsuit right onto my best dressed list Julezzz.

Great color and super flattering dress, hair is on point too.

Simple yet whimsical for Julie Bowen.

Love the dress…still hate the hair.

I’m a sucker for a good animal print. What can I say.

Maisie crushing it in the red floral dress. Might sneaky be my fave dress of the night.

It pains me to put Maria on the best dressed after listening to her TERRIBLE red carpet interview style, but I like this dress and I’m being the bigger person.

YAS.

Michael Keaton is looking sleek, man! Are those velvet loafers?!

Rashida coming in hot with the baby blue floral number.

Reese is chic’ing all the awards shows so hard this season.

Another fave of the night for me, Sarah Hyland never seems to disappoint.

My gurl Sophia Bush will never end up on a worst dressed list of mine, she could wear a paper bag and make it look good.

Uzo wearing this textured bright yellow was different and it really grew on me. She’s rockin it.

RECAP:

Normally I would do a separate recap of the actual awards show but in this case I can pretty much sum it up in a few sentences. There’s not even a host so instead the awards open with a man announcing people on the red carpet searching for new ways to say they look stunning with quick camera movements to the soundtrack of America’s Funniest Home Videos. Then a few actors talk directly to the camera and tell awkward back stories about their lives, introducing themselves as actors as if we didn’t already know who they are. Glad we sparked things off with the uncomfies, and the awards continue on being stiff and weird.

A fake applause cue mistakenly goes off while Reese is presenting an award and now we all know that no one could be bothered to clap for each other. William H. Macy won something and referred to wife Felicity Huffman as “Flicka”, like the horse. Jared Leto and Lupito Nyong’o present together and Jared spends his time onstage undressing Lupita with his eyes and forcing her to look to the audience for help more than once. Carrie Fisher presents her mother Debbie Reynolds with the lifetime award and gives a nice, long-winded, confusing ancestry.com background just to tell us Debbie is indeed her mom. Also she breathed real hard into the mic. Random observation: SO MANY GLASSES.

Naomi Watts tripped over her own dress at the end of the night and squealed into the mic. Skinny, ponytail-wearing Zach Galifianakis won the night with the only joke when he was pushed up to the mic by his Birdman cast and simply said, “When I was on As the World Turns…” mocking Julianne Moore seriously saying that same sentence moments earlier in her acceptance speech. In the final moment, the actress in Birdman that I don’t even know tried to speak into the mic after the music had already begun and the camera was panning out. The music was cut short, the camera moved back in on her and she gave a generic thank you that essentially reiterated exactly what everyone else said. That single moment can sum up this entire awards ceremony.