Red Carpet

SAG Awards Red Carpet 2022

I don’t know what the hell has been going on with Hollywood and awards shows still but we’re going on year 2 of no awards season and what a dry spell it has been for Salty Ju red carpet blogs. Yeah, yeah, I know we’re still in a panny but I also know for a fact that Hollywood is above Covid and always has been. The rules don’t apply to them because they’ve been vaccinated and sang Imagine and write poems for Putin to stop the invasion of the Ukraine. So why is it that we’re having the SAG’s in February, no Grammys at all and the Oscars in March? Winter is depressing enough as is and then you rip away my opportunity to drink and eat cheeses for dinner and judge your fashion choices? Get your shit together, boo boo’s.


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Andrew is giving off big-time 70’s dad vibes and I get that this is hawt for people these days because Harry Styles exists and girls slobber all over his lesbian in a fitted pant suit vibe and not to knock that  but I’m simply here to say this cheesetastic look is not for me.

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I expected something much more lavish and over the top from Ms Gucci herself. This dress looks fine on her but I’ve never been a fan of the fresh outta the shower wet hair style and white sparkly eye shadow is so 8th grade.

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Nicole Kidman may be smiling and waving here but inside her brain she’s probably thinking about death and destruction which is bringing her joy because she is Wednesday Adams in this dress.

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Speaking of evil, Selena decided to channel Maleficent minus the horns. Seriously look at her face and tell me it is not terrifyingly fierce. Also related but unrelated, puff sleeves need to be eradicated from this earth.

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It’s the arts and crafts neckline and weird butt flap for me. Also is that a built-in open fanny pack in the front? Actually kind of genius for someone like me who misses my mouth 90% of the time while snacking. Could be a good crumb catcher.

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This suit is fine…boring but fine. Ew times 1,000 to this haircut. Boy would clean UP if he got a decent snip and style. Did he stop at SuperCuts on his way to the carpet? If it feels like I’m being extra picky here, please remember that I haven’t had a red carpet to judge since NOVEMBER and my cup is overflowing with fashion snark. The more red carpets I have, the nicer I am and honestly celebrities should factor this into future awards show schedules if they know what’s good for them.

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BLAAAHHHHHHHHH. Supes plain, supes unflattering and might I extend my puffy sleeve moratorium to all puff, everywhere? No one needs puff.

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This dress looks like a cheap prom dress from Weathervane and then adding in lace polka dot gloves and gold platform stripper heels reaaaalllyyyy seals the deal.

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I don’t know when Will Smith stopped being cool in my eyes but at some point it happened and now he just looks like he’s trying to be the Fresh Dad of Sherman Oaks by rolling up in a double breasted suit with blue tinted shades.

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Hot damn, what is happening here?! Did one half of her dress get caught in the limo door and she was just like welp, the show must go on?! It’s like Wonderwoman covered by half of a tablecloth. Sex kitten but add a partial modesty drape.

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WHAT YEAR ARE WE IN?! I mean honestly, I took a nap to Sweet Home Alabama yesterday, which essentially means I slept with it on in the background and dreamed about finding the kind of babe soda who wants to marry me so he can smooch me anytime he wants (but I digress) and this dress could’ve been worn at the premiere for that movie in 2002 and I’d be like yup that checks out. I mean really, a pastel colored sash?! That has early 2000’s fashion all over it. And don’t even get me started on whatever pointy wave thing is happening up top on this lame black strapless shift dress. REESE. I know you’re plain Jane but you can do better than this, babe.

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Oh cool a sparkly garbage bag! Hefty chic, bb! I think that tie artfully draped across your arms is actually to close the top of the bag so your trash doesn’t spill out.

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Honestly if I’m being self-aware I might need a time-out after this blog because I truly put Billy on the worst dressed solely because he’s smirking and I grew to hate his character in The Morning Show over the course of this past season (which should have been nominated for 0.0 awards.) Was it fair of me to say someone was dressed poorly just because the character they played was kinda douchey and his smile looks a little snarky? No absolutely not but it’s my blog not yours so HA. Look at that smug ass face. GET LAWST, BILLY.

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I love a daring fashion moment for the men but this sea of polka dots is making me want to ralph up the three pieces of chocolate I just snuffled down.

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Appreciate the enthusiasm but it looks like a bush is growing out of her lady garden.

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Under no circumstances do you need to layer a long sleeve shirt underneath your couture gown. You’re on a red carpet in California, not skiing with your friends and putting hand warmers in your pocket. Get the hell out of my face with this thermal layering. RUINED the dress.

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The dress looks like a cotton number from Old Navy so I definitely don’t want to know what the designer is hawking this for but most importantly, let’s talk hair chunks. My sister and I were out and about this weekend and apparently I wasn’t paying attention as close as I should’ve been and I missed a prime creature of the wild with this chunks in the face hairstyle. Fear not though, my sister was happy to recreate it for me for some late-night giggles. 

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Who knew she was actually red carpet ready. What’re we doing here, folks?! The most ANNOYING thing is having hair in your face and we’re doing it on purpose now? Just leaving chunks down willy nilly and letting it tickle our eyes and block our vision? FOR WHAT? If you’re ok with hair dangling in your face just because it’s “trendy” now, you are a serial killer.

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We don’t talk about this outfit because it’s making Lin look like a real geekburger, which we all know he is not. I don’t know if it’s the boxy fit or the short kinda baggy pants, the contrasting colors or how he’s posing but it’s a no for me, dawg.

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Ah yes, the ever classic twat twist. Why is THAT where they decided to tie the knot in the dress?! Honestly I’m uncomfy even looking at this photo because this dress is essentially lingerie and Vanessa is really werkin those curves. This photo made me blush. Don’t feel like the SAG awards is the event for this type of hoochie coochie.

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This is downright terrifying. I think the red latex and fur were already a little alarming and then she posed claws out with that fierce look. Whatchu plannin to do with those red daggers, homeslice? Are they red because of the blood you’ve drawn already? Don’t answer that.

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I’m speechless at this rhinestone rack. It’s no secret that I’m a real prude when it comes to red carpet fashion and ya know what, some things are just better left to the imagination. I don’t need to know the circumference of your nips based on the bedazzling that covers them.

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This looks like she got dressed in the dark and pulled her sports bra on over her dress. And yet, this design was made on PURPOSE! How funny is fashion. When I was a teenager and had to go to church every Sunday, I chose the 7:30 AM mass because it had no music so it was a real nice drive thru of QT with G-O-D. Thirty minutes quick and dirty. I rolled out of bed, changed into dress pants, left my pajama top on, put a bra over it and then zipped up a coat and never took my coat off in church. Upon my return, I shed the coat, unsnapped the bra, changed my pants and was back tucked into my bed in record time. Why do I tell this story? Really no reason other than to point out that my dirtbag move every Sunday would’ve passed the Fashion Police test, clearly.

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LeeeaaaVeeeeee someeee Thingzzzz to the ImAgInAtiONnNnnn. I guess Alexandra was going for the “either and” approach to top and bottom slits. (Start at 2:23 in the below clip if you want a visual on what that means.)

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Bead tassels! It looks like it’s raining on her crop top separates! Big ole hoops! How fun and so totally classy! I bet it sounds like a rainstick when she teeters around in those teeny tiny heels.

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Remember in Selena when her dad shits a brick because she’s wearing a bedazzled bra onstage? I’m the dad of Selenasssssssss. This is a brassiere. Also is her hair superglued to the middle of her forehead? LMK.

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Obviously I’ve got real time beef with anyone who showed up dressed like a showgirl because FUR heels is reaallllyyyyy pushing it. I get that the SAG Awards are on TNT/TBS and they used to air them on a Saturday night so pretty much no one cares. BUT also, the SAG’s are about the CRAFT of acting. It’s for all the Hollywood nerdbombers to geek out about how hard acting is and how talented they all are. It’s snot city. So for theses ladies to roll through in outfits from Frederick’s of Hollywood it’s like spitting in the face of the craft. Take yourself WAY too seriously or kick rocks at the SAG’s. Show up in these getups for the Globes and that’s obvious.




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Don’t see a lot of pale pink lately and I’m liking the color and the fit of the dress that I’m willing to overlook the GIANT flower accents.

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If I say Maggie looks nice here does that mean she’ll give Taylor Swift her scarf back and stop playing dumb about her brother being the villain of All Too Well? If not, I take it back. I’ll move her to the worst dressed REAL QUICK.

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This is how you crush an “either or” situation. Covered up on the bottom, giving a little peek at the goods on top. Classy all around because it’s a pantsuit. Love the sparkle and respect the fact that she knows how to pull off a pocket pose. Cause I got ONE HAND IN MY POCKET and the other one is waving hi to all the haters.

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No clue who this is but my kneejerk reaction to this look was that it was fun and she was sassin out hoard with that pose. 

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Always a thousand times yes to a charcoal fitted suit on this hunk of man meat.

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As someone who will change the scrunchie on her wrist every time she changes shirts so they coordinate as closely as possible, I very much approve of the patterned hair scarf that syncs up with the pattern on her dress. 

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This is the kind of jacket I’d expect to see at the CMA’s but I love it and he looks spiffy.

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This is a silky animal print combo and yet it doesn’t look like what she wears to bed–see it CAN be done! Faith looks amazing and she knows it.

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Faith way outranked Tim here but you always need a reacher and a settler in a relationship so it’s fine. He doesn’t look BAD, he’s just obviously outkicking his coverage.

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Badass to wear a fishtail braid on a red carpet. I keep saying red carpet but obviously this carpet is like a grey/silver. Let’s overlook this for the sake of my entire blog. Juno is a perfect gold goddess.

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All in for the tie shoulders and the fit of this dress on Sandra even though it gives off some tin foil gum wrapper vibes, I think she’s rocking it.

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I mean it’s Bradley Cooper. He’s always going to wear a plain black tux and look like a handsome devil. Very few fall into this category and I know it’s lazy journalism (lol couldn’t type that with a straight face) to classify the Hollywood OG babes like Bradley, Leo and George as best dressed just because of who they are but it’s not like they look like walking dumpsters, they’re just boring classic guys.

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Michael Keaton’s looking debonair! Almost enough to make up for his incessant need to ramble every time he’s onstage. ALMOST.

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This is the mood we were looking for from Lady Gaga, squad. I wanted an outrageously cocky fashion moment. If you’re gonna star in a movie about a fashion designer/mafia hitman situation, I want you to bring the full drama to the carpet. This is it right here. Shades, velvet bow, the jacket draped on his shoulders. Is that a scrunchie I see on his wrist?! The drama. The intrigue. 

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Ooh baby, Tyler looks suave as hell. This might be my new favorite suit color. A nice solid green.

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Kirsten looks like a spicy tamale in this number and I love this journey for her.

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The silhouette of this dress is stunning and obviously I’m a sucker for the colors. 

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I mean I don’t think Helen Mirren could get any classier if she tried. She looks like she’s going for tea and crumpets at the palace with the Queen right down to her matching mask and clutch. She’s a woman after my own heart with the amount of coordinating she did with her accessories. 

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I know I previously said stop it with the puffs and I did mean that but also Jean does look good in this dress. She’d look even better without the court jester neck ruffle but it’s not a dealbreaker.

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From the clouds, Paul Reiser with a jazzy jacket! Who woulda thunk. Looks sharp AF.

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I love Kieran’s sideways pose here. He looks good and he knows it.

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Talk about Corporate Bros and CE-Hoes’ party! Just kidding. Sorta. She’s really giving off sultry vibes in boardroom chic and another killer pocket pose. I’m here for it!

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Little too much cleavington for me but I can’t drool over a bunch of pantsuits being classy and kewl and then toss Mira on the worst dressed list just because she wanted to pop them disco boobs out for a night on the town. She’s still got it. Her and Lisa proved that no one ages in Hollywood thanks to plastic surgery and made a little Romy and Michele color callback:


They look like a million bucks, as the inventors of Post-its should.

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Cousin Greg is such a tall drink of water and he sure cleans up nice.

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I love this little cotton candy bunny and I’m going to scream it from the rooftops because I don’t care who knows it. 

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A maroon smoking jacket will get me every time.

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I’ve got a real summer boner for these two back to back pops of color. Although I will say that as great as this dress looks, when she won an award she almost fell out of her chair and dragged it up onstage with her because of that puffy butt situation. Sometimes it pays to keep it simple so you can gracefully glide onstage and accept your award without looking like a bull in a china shop.

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Look at her having a dramatic flip my swishy dress for the paps moment. Supes jelly. I wore a tutu on the beach to pop champagne for paying off my student loans and it would’ve been an ideal moment for a swishy blowing in the breeze carefree pic but the wind was blowing in the wrong direction so my hair was in my face and also I was taking my own photos so MUST BE NICE to have cameras snapping away at you looking like a princess.

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I got a serious case of the giggles as I rolled through 134 red carpet photos and THIS was one of them. I mean, was Chef there to cater the event or was he attending as a nominee/presenter? I’m unclear on what his purpose was there but what I AM clear on is that he showed up ready to sauté some mushrooms should he be called upon to do so. I like the readiness here. Clogs, apron and you know what? maybe toss a hairnet over that Sonic head of yours, Chef, I don’t love a hairy meal. Also where is your spatula?

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Was a REAL close call whether this would be the best look of the night because yellows and golds always crush on a red carpet. Love this color on her and the accents of purple complement it perfectly. 

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This is so dorky grandpa and I happen to love it. His trendy frames matching his bowtie is chef’s kiss.

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Marlee is lookin like a straight dime piece and also happened to clean up awards and make a big statement how it’s deaf actors time to shine finally. She had herself a top night and was certainly dressed for it.



Now this is a damn statement. Neon and perfectly fitted princess gown, subtle jewels to let the extravagant dress do the talking, pink lips and soft curls. GET IT, QUEEN.

Red Carpet

SAG Awards Red Carpet 2020

The SAG Awards is where Hollywood focuses on their *craft* of acting and boy is it so douchey every year…and yet still more tolerable than the Oscars. Since the actors were talking about themselves and their acting peers and how hard acting is, it meant they took a break from talking about politics and solving climate change by taking the PJ less. And I think I speak for everyone when I say that was a welcome change. Here’s what these fools were wearing…


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Can we call this a dress or is it just simply floral undies?

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GAWD JLO. I GET THAT YOU WEREN’T NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR BUT THIS IS NOT HOW YOU REBEL. I went on a triggered rant about pieces of hair dangling in the face for the Globes red carpet and I GUESS SOME OF US DIDN’T READ THAT. If I’m going to read your weekly texts about your TikTok account, Jen, you can read my blog about how leaving chunks of your hair in your face is a trend that should NEVER EVER make a comeback.

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I have been more than generous to Nicole this awards season and that generosity stops today. The ruffles are always going to be a no for me, dawg.

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This is a table skirt.

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Renee pulled this same shit at the Globes, so feel free to see my rant about it HERE.

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I’m having a hard time understanding why the white gloves. Why is that the move here?

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H8 to do this to 1/3 of the J Sisters (gag my face off) but this dress is tacky as all hell.

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Props to Patty for putting her knockers away but no thanks to this outfit. Those are some HOARD flares.

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AHHH MY EYES, MARGOT! WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS! From the piecey hair (seriously ladies, why are we trying to bring this back?!) to the layered gaudy jewels over PLAID and cupcake tiers. Ugh barf all over me head to toe.

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Honestly the carpet did her dirty here. I don’t think she was really planning on standing in front of a busy silver tiled wall and obviously the mixture of that with his pattern on her dress is making me want to claw my eyeballs out. At the same time, I feel like this wouldn’t have photographed well anyway. Too much, gurl.

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Speaking of too much, this BOW. Does no one learn from other’s mistakes?! JLo pulled the bow at the globes and I spit right on it and how stupid it looks. You are not a giant present. The only time wrapping yourself in a bow is acceptable is if you’re completely nude and you’re giving your hod bod as a present to your significant other (sex stuff, guys) otherwise DO NOT WEAR A GIANT BOW ANYWHERE.

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The top of this dress can only be properly described as a lampshade.

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Oh my gawwwww enough with the tiered ruffles, already.

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Hot priest or not (suh glad I finally banged out Fleabag so I can feel part of the joke for the remainder of awards season) this is a bad retro prom tux.

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What a curveball for this actress but also nope. Suuuuupez trashy. I know it’s not the Oscars and these awards air on TNT but clean it up.



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Does she age? The answer is an obvious no.

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It’s the year of Dern.

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Thank God there were no hair/makeup snafus this time around for Hollywood’s golden couple.

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Sun never sets on Sterling K Brown because the sun never sets on cool.

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This dress looks like it was LITERALLY painted on her.

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Damn gurl.

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Surprised Reese didn’t wear an Ivy Park original track suit but this is pretty edgy for her and I love it.

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Not a ton of color on the *silver* carpet so I welcome this bright blue.

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Damn Charlize is really coming at me this awards season! A silver crop top is not what I expected because I spend 90% of my breath trashing the youths and their crop tops but look at Char doin the damn thing! I take back my glitter crop hate.

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A silver gown for the silver carpet. Now where’s her silver fox?

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Close to winning my favorite look of the night for being colorful and also different.

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Flattering and elegant

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A golden shimmer in the eve.

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I feel like men were really under-represented on the ole silver carpet so here’s a little floral spice from Dan.

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Maybe it’s because I just had the flu for a week and inadvertently lost 5 lbs as I withered away on the couch but I guess I’m like really having a moment with crops and hoping to one day have the mid section to rock one (maybe if I get the flu like five more times) Pheebz did shout out her makeup artist for painting a six pack on her and it does look suspiciously like a bronzed mid section so maybe it is aspirational abs.

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JEN WORE WHITE! Honestly Jen walks out of her house and everyone salivates at everything she does–She wore white instead of a plain black gown, she looks like a rocket (as always), her and Brad have been goofin on the carpet during awards season which has EVERYONE shipping a reunion (he CHEATED on her guys, WE DON’T WANT THEM TO GET BACK TOGETHER) and also true to history, she’s free boobin. After an in depth convo with my bestie about Jen’s nips, I revealed that I’m not really into perky nipz busting through a formal gown, but at the same time, it’s America’s sweetheart Jen Aniston and she’s been doing it since the 90’s. She reserves the right to punch us all in the face with her nipples because she basically invented the trend.


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Holy bananas she looks amazing. This is normally an outfit Meryl Streep or someone of the older gen would roll through wearing and I love seeing it on a Hollywood youth. A white power move if you will. Not to be confused with white power, which is very, very racist.

Red Carpet

SAG Awards Red Carpet 2019

The SAG Awards were so boring that I changed the channel to Total Bellas. Sorry not sorry for wanting to see Nikki Bella handle a breakup with Ferraris, cigars and keg stands. It was worth the watch. Those Bella Twins should be up for a SAG next year for their top notch content on E!


25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Peplum should’ve died the year that it made its debut.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

Is this a dress made entirely of origami? LMK.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019


25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

Why is there a belt just dropped in the middle of her midsection?

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

Tonight’s curtain edition.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

Well this is tough to do. Because John looks like a dime piece. But Emily looks like a vagina. And they posed together so it’s only one pic. Which means Emily’s labia dress just dragged John down to the worst dressed list with her.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

I am so confused.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

This could be my jealousy shining through as I’ve been hitting the gym recently and I will never ever be this skinny if I worked out 24 hours a day but this look just wasn’t doing it for me.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

The host should really bring her A game and glitter applique isn’t cutting it.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

I love me some Michael B. but I cannot get down with the harness trend. It’s so stinkin weird.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

WHAT is happening here.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Oh God this is bad. From the top bun to the chunky stripper glitter heels. Wooftastic.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

Girl crush coming to a screeching halt for a lot of reasons but also what fresh hell is this?

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

This color is great but no one will ever look good in a three tier cake dress.



25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Lotta love for the men tonight coming through with some fresh suits.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

Curveball, I can be hip and get down with leathers.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

Throwing CZJ a bone for those stems.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

I’m so into jumpsuits right now and Emma looks fab.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

A Star is Born Gaga is killlllin it.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

WHoaOAaa spicy.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

All black and looking hella elegant.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

Can always count on Mandy to look amahzing.

25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

I love anyone who rolls on the red carpet with shades on. The sun NEVER sets on cool.


25th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 27 Jan 2019

I love everything about this and I’m not afraid to admit it.

Red Carpet

SAG Awards Red Carpet 2017

Pretty much the most entertaining thing about this awards show is that you can call them the SAG’s and everyone gives you a weird look and maybe a giggle when you do. Otherwise it’s just another snooze-aroni in secondhand awards shows. I mean, the SAG AFTRA president currently is Andrea Zuckerman. Yikes.


Because these awards are basura, the stars dressed as such. It was a real stretch to pull together a best dressed list. But I did it anyway, because I am a true American hero. I also accidentally got solo drunk during the show–and wrote this blog afterwards. You’re welcome, everyone.


The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Two thumbs down for the skin-toned craft corner beaded dress.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Oh, ok yes. Parrots and sequins. So hot right now.

Emma Stone

I’m legitimately perplexed by this dress. Is the ripped part just hanging off of her body? I wish she just wore the underlayer.

23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Actual eyesore.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

I’m beginning to wonder if everyone forgot about the SAG’s (insert immature giggle) and stopped by the thrift store on the way to the red carpet.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

This is a pillow case with puffy sleeves, essentially.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Nothing accents burgundy quite like wispy cotton candy hair, is what I always like to say.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Kimmy K’s number one stan as always looking age approps.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

No clue who this is but there are no words.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

I’m astonished that whiny B Kit, formerly of the Rockford Peaches, is still holding court in Hollywood, but here she is gracing my worst dressed list and winning awards and shit.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Welp that’s it. I can’t stand behind Soph on this one. She matched her eyeshadow to her FUSCHIA dress. Woof city, population: Sophia Bush. Add in the gelled front pieces she has dangling in her face and we’ve got a full-on 90’s prom look.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Couldn’t have completed this look without the matching whimsical necklace.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

This is normal.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

It’s not necessary to twinsicle it up with your hubs, Chrissy.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

Casj hip floral arrangement.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

We get it, ERW, you’re making a suit statement for all red carpets this season.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet



The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

I think this is the most covered I’ve seen Taraji. Suh elegant with a side of full boobs on display.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Hair isn’t gr8 but this dress is alright. (We’re reaching here, folks.)

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

This looks comfy.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

Having hummingbirds embroidered on your dress is pretty odd, but Gina’s rack looks top notch! Three cheers!

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

The girls are out to plaaaaayyyy.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

This is one of my favorite for Sofia. She always wears the same dress to every show and this is a welcome change

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

Julie Bowen coming in hawt with the risque!

23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

I’m mostly surprised that a YouTube star was on the red carpet best dressed but also she actually looks really good.

23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

This dress is nice.

23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

I hadn’t seen Krasinski on a red carpet in so long I literally drooled at the sight of him.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals


23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

It’s weird that Jonah went from frat bro at the Golden Globes to dapper Dan at the SAG’s but I approve.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Rock that off the shoulder trend, grrrrrrl! (It’s possible that my drinking game “drink every time politics is mentioned” has truly kicked in at this point.)

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

I’ve spent far too long trying to figure out what this jewelry sitch is.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Purple camo yaaasssss Busy!

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

Jazzy suit for the win.

23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards

This dress is fab, but due to the asymmetrical neckline it looks like her right boob is 1000x bigger than her left. Demz da breaks.

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Cla$$ Act. (I know it’s not nice to say and this isn’t even a little bit a comment on her weight because obviously she’s skinny as possible but black and white layered like this will always remind me of Willy and I can’t help it. #KillerWhaleBesties4Lyfe)

Fave look of the night:

The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 29 Jan 2017

Being engaged to Landry is werking in her favor. By miles, this was the best look of the night. Subtle and classy.

Red Carpet

SAG Awards Red Carpet

I’d like to personally thank the SAGs for being on a Saturday night and thus giving me the perfect pre-going out drinking game. Good lookin out, Hollywood. Also personal thanks to Brad Goreski of E!’s red carpet for chatting it up with a celeb for a bit and then going “so I’m done speaking with you” to get her outta there. Smooth.


The 22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Hey Susan, you’re 100. Put your SAGgy T’s away.

Uzo Aduba


22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals


22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

WUF. Keith, your boy band chunky highlights. Nicole, your sparkly clown dress. Pull it together, guys.

The 22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

I wanna be on Team Brie but this dress sucks. The rips and cords holding it together is dumb.

22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Oh, look, a piñata!

Ellie Kemper

“She looks fine.”-my friend Lindsey

The 22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

I’m pretty sure Gabrielle wore this same number to Beverly Hills High’s Senior Prom.

22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Serenity by Jan coming in hot with a hideous Leopard number, a sassy pose, and a mom hair flip.

Giuliana Rancic

Keep doing you, G. And by you, I mean making everyone on the red carpet uncomfy, obv.

Anna Faris

Not my fave turtleneck dress.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

I was fine with this until my friend pointed out the tiered design, SO I GUESS WE’RE BEING PICKY.

22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

I don’t love the low cut cleave shot without the cleave.

22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Worst dressed sisters!

Julianne Moore

JULIANNE!!! WHO TOLD YOU TO WEAR THIS?! You always look like a dime.

Mayim Bialik


22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Is this one of the new Barbies?

22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

She landed on this list because that face. Sry n0t Sarry.

22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Naht flattering.


22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet


22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

All hail the bun.

Rachel McAdams

Rumor is this might be a two piece. Either way, love it hard.

Kristen Wiig

She actually has a pony, and it looked gr8. Love the onesie action too.

Queen Latifah

Queenie looking like a skinny mini!!!

22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

So glad to have Tina Fey back and looking like a red ballerina.

22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

This chick is a precious flower until she opens her mouth and that accent takes over.

22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

What a fab party dress!

22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Sarah looks like a babe…even with glasses and a ‘stache.

22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Love the beads, love the color, love the style. WiN.

Amy Poehler

I actually like the dark hair on Amy and her knockers look top notch.

The 22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Can never hate on purple. This top half is different and kewl.

22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Diggin on dat blue.

The 22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Eva is a forever smoke.

22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Boom. Plaid suit.

22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet


22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Even though she has mom hair her “Angelina Jo-Leg” is on fleek.

Laverne Cox

This is my damn color. (I’m starting to get wine buzzed. I will not apologize for my captions.)

Ariel Winter

This is the best Ariel has ever looked on a red carpet. Her boobs are a normal size and this black dress is perf.

22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

What a baller. Shot caller.

The 22nd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Beautiful red dress, snappy tux.


Kiernan Shipka

Different color, unique pattern & supes flattering.

Red Carpet, Television

SAG Awards Red Carpet & Recap

Another Sunday and another large glass that has suspiciously filled itself with wine has come and passed. I honestly don’t even remember if I’ve ever watched the SAG Awards before but I can pretty much assure everyone that I never want to watch them again. I punished myself beforehand by watching 2 hours of the E! Red Carpet–mostly for the mani cam (amirite?!) and had to put up with a whole lot of Maria Menunous being awkward and telling people “I Love It,” when she wanted to prove she wasn’t listening to anything they said. Ross Matthews made a lot of jokes that the celebs didn’t laugh at and Kelly Osbourne kept trying to bring the conversation back to Keira Knightley’s dress on more than one occasion. Here are the best and worst looks of the night…

Worst Dressed:

21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

I don’t even know who this is but she will forever be known as the SAG Salsa Dancer.

21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Amanda Peet, I don’t know what’s going on with the black accents and the diamond poof in the middle but I don’t like it.

Joanna Newsom, Andy Samberg

This polka-dotted spaghetti strap combo is from an MK&A movie. I’m split though because Andy Samberg is PULLING those frames OFF.

21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Not digging this dress that looks like a vest on Anna Chlumsky

TNT's 21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

I don’t care that you’re 17 now Ariel Winter, for pete’s sake put the boobs away for a hot second.

Gabrielle Carteris

GUYS IT’S ANDREA FROM 90210 aaand she looks rough.

Jennifer Aniston

No Jen, no. This is a curtain.

TNT's 21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

LOVE the color, HATE the chunky waist/bottom.

21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Oh Lo, why didn’t you clear your dress by LC? The cleave, the slicked hair, the flesh colored dress. Bai.

TNT's 21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Mags must’ve been reading my blog and stepped up her frumpy aunt game, selecting a skin hugging white number for tonight. Well, joke’s on you Maggie cause I still don’t love it. I like where your head’s at though, keep working on it. I’ll check back on your progress at the Oscars.

21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Bridesmaid dress for a Valentine’s Day wedding.

TNT's 21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Meryl…dress like you own Hollywood because we all know you do. She looks like she’s 900 attending her own funeral in this outfit.

TNT's 21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Off the shoulder+Fur trim on Naomi=tack city

Rosamund Pike

Do I want to take a nap in this because it looks really cushiony? Yes, yes I do. Do I think it looks good? Hard no.

Taryn Manning

This is a step up from her actual GLAD black garbage bag from the Globes but it’s still supes unflattering and a terrible color.

Viola Davis

I like everything about this dress except for the halter neck that reminds me of a bathing suit.

21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

I cannot with Keira this awards season. Everything she wears makes me wonder who allowed her to do so. The color is fab city, but this literally looks like someone wrapped her in scraps from Joann Fabrics and pinned it in the back. Girl has one chance left to redeem herself.

Best Dressed:

Lupita Nyong'o

Lupy was originally on my worst dressed list, then I went to write something about this dress and realized it had grown on me in like a matter of 20 minutes. She wears it well. Good work Lupdawgs.

TNT's 21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Sofia doesn’t stray from the “I have the body of a bombshell and I’m going to throw it in everyone’s face”. Respect.

21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

People are already jumping on Amy’s shit for being pregnant, so like if you’re wondering why Hollywood women don’t eat I can pinpoint the reason why.

Claire Danes

Claire Danes wearing the army green and going for something different. I can dig it.

Emma Stone emma

YES Emma Stone making the Tuxedo jacket as a dress look cool, why you ask? Because it has a train and isn’t just her throwing on Andrew’s suit coat with a pair of heels and calling it a day.

21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

This is very princess mystical. (This is me trying to use different words.) Also fun fact: it’s a two piecer.

TNT's 21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Felicity Jones in a soft pink looking elegant AF.

21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Men only make the best dressed if they wear something other than a typical black tuxedo. Props to Jesse.

TNT's 21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Julia killin the sexy lace vibe.

TNT's 21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

I don’t think I love this but I also don’t think I can call it a worst dressed, so you snuck this pantsuit right onto my best dressed list Julezzz.

TNT's 21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Great color and super flattering dress, hair is on point too.

21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Simple yet whimsical for Julie Bowen.

Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting

Love the dress…still hate the hair.

21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

I’m a sucker for a good animal print. What can I say.

21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Maisie crushing it in the red floral dress. Might sneaky be my fave dress of the night.

Maria Menounos

It pains me to put Maria on the best dressed after listening to her TERRIBLE red carpet interview style, but I like this dress and I’m being the bigger person.

Matthew McConaughey, Camila Alves


Michael Keaton

Michael Keaton is looking sleek, man! Are those velvet loafers?!

Rashida Jones

Rashida coming in hot with the baby blue floral number.

Reese Witherspoon

Reese is chic’ing all the awards shows so hard this season.

21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

Another fave of the night for me, Sarah Hyland never seems to disappoint.

21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

My gurl Sophia Bush will never end up on a worst dressed list of mine, she could wear a paper bag and make it look good.

21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Red Carpet

Uzo wearing this textured bright yellow was different and it really grew on me. She’s rockin it.


Normally I would do a separate recap of the actual awards show but in this case I can pretty much sum it up in a few sentences. There’s not even a host so instead the awards open with a man announcing people on the red carpet searching for new ways to say they look stunning with quick camera movements to the soundtrack of America’s Funniest Home Videos. Then a few actors talk directly to the camera and tell awkward back stories about their lives, introducing themselves as actors as if we didn’t already know who they are. Glad we sparked things off with the uncomfies, and the awards continue on being stiff and weird.

A fake applause cue mistakenly goes off while Reese is presenting an award and now we all know that no one could be bothered to clap for each other. William H. Macy won something and referred to wife Felicity Huffman as “Flicka”, like the horse. Jared Leto and Lupito Nyong’o present together and Jared spends his time onstage undressing Lupita with his eyes and forcing her to look to the audience for help more than once. Carrie Fisher presents her mother Debbie Reynolds with the lifetime award and gives a nice, long-winded, confusing background just to tell us Debbie is indeed her mom. Also she breathed real hard into the mic. Random observation: SO MANY GLASSES.

Naomi Watts tripped over her own dress at the end of the night and squealed into the mic. Skinny, ponytail-wearing Zach Galifianakis won the night with the only joke when he was pushed up to the mic by his Birdman cast and simply said, “When I was on As the World Turns…” mocking Julianne Moore seriously saying that same sentence moments earlier in her acceptance speech. In the final moment, the actress in Birdman that I don’t even know tried to speak into the mic after the music had already begun and the camera was panning out. The music was cut short, the camera moved back in on her and she gave a generic thank you that essentially reiterated exactly what everyone else said. That single moment can sum up this entire awards ceremony.


Weekly JUice

1. The Royals met Will & Kate


“My breasts are George’s breakfast.”-Kate


Yeah, yeah, this happened Monday and technically now it’s old news but it would be embarrassing if I rounded up the best headlines from the week and glossed over this. If you saw this photo of the royals mingling with Will & Kate and didn’t immediately wonder what they could possibly talking about then I don’t want to know you as a person. I mean they could’ve been marrying off George and Blue Ivy for all we know. (Fingers crossed) Also Lebron James obviously tried to insert himself into the cool kids group, grammed a picture with Will & Kate and called them the Queen and the Prince and himself the King (naturally) and then quickly corrected it. He also took a lot of heat (pun intended) for how grabby he was with the Duchess and how that’s real frowned upon in England. Get it together, Lebron. Gawd. Stop making our country look trashy & sweaty.



PS In fresher Queen B news, she released a short film today for the one year anniversary of the secret album heard round the world. I watched it and considered including it in the juice, but it’s 11 mins and 30 seconds worth of cliche quotes and weird artsy scenes and I will not subject my readers to that. Watch at your own risk and be prepared to hear a lot of quotes you usually see on the poster in the Dentist’s office.

2. Marky Mark and Jimmy Fallon have a giant hand slapfest.

Do I have the maturity level of a 5 year old who couldn’t stop laughing at two grown men big hand slapping each other? Absolutely and I’ve come to terms with that. Mark has been in the news a lot lately for being a big jerk who wants to be pardoned for his near murder of a man when he was just a kid on the dirty streetz of Dorchestah. It was nice to see him settle down and have some nice goofy times with Jimmy, and also letting Jimmy mess up his stupid slicked hair. SLICKED HAIR ISN’T HOT MARKY MARK. But this is:


 3. The Golden Globes and SAG Nominees were announced–which means we’re closer to more awards show recaps from yours truly!! The biggest jazz about this nominees list is that Ben Affleck got snubbed, as is now a tradition apparently. On the bright side, someone in a dark corner of the Internet released the uncut shower scene from Gone Girl and we can all bask in the glory of Ben’s junk. It’s unfortunate that the one quality movie I did see this year (Gone Girl) only got a few noms. So everyone can look forward to me fully focusing on making fun of the Golden Globes rather than giving film reviews, as I clearly don’t watch award-winning movies.


Golden Globe Full Nominee List:

The Imitation Game
The Theory of Everything

Julianne Moore, Still Alice
Reese Witherspoon, Wild
Rosamund Pike, Gone Girl
Felicity Jones, The Theory of Everything
Jennifer Aniston, Cake

Eddie Redmayne, The Theory of Everything
Benedict Cumberbatch, The Imitation Game
Steve Carell, Foxcatcher
David Oyelowo, Selma
Jake Gyllenhaal, Nightcrawler

Richard Linklater, Boyhood
Alejandro González Iñárritu, Birdman
Ava DuVernay, Selma
David Fincher, Gone Girl
Wes Anderson, The Grand Budapest Hotel

The Good Wife
Downton Abbey
Game of Thrones
The Affair
House of Cards

Kevin Spacey, House of Cards
Clive Owen, The Knick
Dominic West, The Affair
James Spader, The Blacklist
Liev Schreiber, Ray Donovan

Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Robin Wright, House of Cards
Viola Davis, How to Get Away With Murder
Ruth Wilson, The Affair
Claire Danes, Homeland

Into the Woods
St. Vincent
The Grand Budapest Hotel

Emily Blunt, Into the Woods
Amy Adams, Big Eyes
Julianne Moore, Maps to the Stars
Helen Mirren, The Hundred-Foot Journey
Quvenzhané Wallis, Annie

Michael Keaton, Birdman
Ralph Fiennes, The Grand Budapest Hotel
Bill Murray, St. Vincent
Joaquin Phoenix, Inherent Vice
Christoph Waltz, Big Eyes 

Jane the Virgin
Orange Is the New Black
Silicon Valley

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
Taylor Schilling, Orange Is the New Black
Lena Dunham, Girls
Gina Rodriguez, Jane the Virgin
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie

Don Cheadle, House of Lies
Ricky Gervais, Derek
Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent
Louis C.K., Louie
William H. Macy, Shameless

True Detective
The Normal Heart
Olive Kitteridge
The Missing

Frances McDormand, Olive Kitteridge
Maggie Gyllenhaal, The Honorable Woman
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story: Freak Show
Frances O’Connor, Missing
Allison Tolman, Fargo

Matthew McConaughey, True Detective
Billy Bob Thornton, Fargo
Martin Freeman, Fargo
Woody Harrelson, True Detective
Mark Ruffalo, The Normal Heart

Allison Janney, Mom
Uzo Aduba, Orange Is the New Black
Kathy Bates, American Horror Story: Freak Show
Michelle Monaghan, True Detective
Joan Frogatt, Downton Abbey

Matthew Bomer, The Normal Heart
Jon Voight, Ray Donovan
Bill Murray, Olive Kitteridge
Alan Cumming, The Good Wife
Colin Hanks, Fargo

Gone Girl
The Grand Budapest Hotel
The Imitation Game

Tangerine Mandarin
Force Majeure
Gett: The Trial of Viviane Amsalem

J.K. Simmons, Whiplash
Edward Norton, Birdman
Mark Ruffalo, Foxcatcher
Ethan Hawke, Boyhood
Robert Duvall, The Judge

Patricia Arquette, Boyhood
Emma Stone, Birdman
Meryl Streep, Into the Woods
Keira Knightley, The Imitation Game
Jessica Chastain, A Most Violent Year

The Lego Movie
Big Hero 6
How to Train Your Dragon 2
The Boxtrolls
The Book of Life

John Legend & Common, “Glory” (Selma)
Lana Del Rey, “Big Eyes” (Big Eyes)
Patti Smith, “Mercy Is” (Noah)
Sia, “Opportunity” (Annie)
Lorde, “Yellow Flicker Beat” (The Hunger Games: Mockingjay — Part I)

Johann Johannsson, The Theory of Everything
Alexandre Desplat, The Imitation Game
Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross, Gone Girl
Antonio Sanchez, Birdman
Hans Zimmer, Interstellar

4. Lauren Conrad was featured on a Pop Innovator special on E! last night and I couldn’t have been more excited to watch it. Trey made an appearance because he’s still a supportive BFF to LC and he also aged REAL well. It also featured the creator of Laguna Beach/The Hills, LC’s whole family, best friend & business partner and her agent. It was a behind the scenes look at the life of Lauren Conrad including some real adorbsies home videos and childhood photos. Things I learned: 1. LC’s 22 year old brother is a smoke, where has he been hiding? 2. LC was supposed to be at a soccer game the day they had auditions for Laguna Beach and she didn’t go and therefore was kicked off the team–LC was an ATHLETE?! 3. She agreed to do The Hills mostly for the paycheck…a TV show about her life is literally comparable to the rest of us taking a receptionist job right out of college..doing it for the paycheck/insurance. That immediately put my life into perspective. 4. Apparently the Teen Vogue internship was an actual internship (not all scripted) and she was expected to do intern things even though her cover photo hung on the wall in the office. Side note: Blaine made an appearance and is still very hot and was much nicer than he ever was on The Hills. 5. In case you hadn’t already figured it out, my girl crush on LC has grown three sizes since watching this. Plus she looked GREAT on the special:


5. Barbara Walters Announced Most Fascinating People on The View. Babs named: Neil Patrick Harris, Oprah Winfrey, Taylor Swift, Chelsea Handler, Michael Strahan, Scarlett Johansson, and David Koch will be featured in her annual most fascinating people special. The additional three interviewees will be revealed during the broadcast. I’m like 90% sure she picks the same people every year but if it’s a slow TV night you bet your bottom dollar I’ll be watching and possibly blogging about it. Might be good for some juicy TSwizzle tidbits.


Outfit on point as alwayz


Bonus:  For my fellow New Girl fans (or Cuse people) Zooey Deschanel filmed fat Schmidt lip synching and dancing to Rihanna. (Follow link below)