Red Carpet, Television

CMA Awards Red Carpet 2015

I particularly love doing Country red carpets because they’re the only awards shows where the men have equally as sassy outfits, if not more eye-grabbing than their lady counterparts. Don’t eva try to hold a country man down with their loud print suits and staple headwear. So even though most of you look like you scrapped together suits from the leftovers at a seamstress, I applaud you for keeping things spicy and going there instead of sticking to a boring black tux.

WORST:

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Singer-songwriter Chase Bryant attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

Exhibit A of above rant. Shiny teal patterned jacket, chesties, and Jimmy Neutron hair. Thanks for being you, men of country.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Karen Fairchild of Little Big Town attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

I want to like this but it looks like she’s wearing a dress with spiderwebs all over it. And I really hate spiders.

Kimberly Schlapman, of Little Big Town, arrives at the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on Wednesday, Nov. 4, 2015, in Nashville, Tenn. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

Sweet black armpit flaps.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: (L-R) Jay DeMarcus, Gary LeVox, and Joe Don Rooney of Rascal Flatts attend the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

Thank God one of them wore black or this would’ve been a real eye sore sitch for Rascal. Oh wait…

04 Nov 2015, Nashville, Tennessee, USA --- 04 November 2015 - Nashville, Tennessee - Kimberly Williams-Paisley. 49th CMA Awards, Country Music's Biggest Night, held at Bridgestone Arena. Photo Credit: Laura Farr/AdMedia --- Image by © Laura Farr/AdMedia/AdMedia/Corbis

Seems like maybe Kimberly bought this dress off Etsy.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Musician Ashley Monroe attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic)

I think wrapping a hot pink twin bedsheet around my body for a toga party in college was more flattering than this.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Musician Jason Aldean attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

Jason will probably never make my best dressed list, so I hope he’s kewl with that.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Actress Erika Christensen attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

This is the epitome of a horrendous bridesmaids dress from 1993. Also why is Erika Christensen at the CMAs?

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Musician Steven Tyler attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

You know what would be really wild? If Steven showed up in a slick tuxedo. That would turn some heads.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Preston Brust (L) and Chris Lucas of LoCash Cowboys attend the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

We have a TRUCKER HAT. I REPEAT, A TRUCKER HAT. And once you get past the shock of 2003 Ashton Kutcher, a white fedora, matching jacket combo deal.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Singer Danielle Bradbery attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

Not really understanding this idea of sheer paneled legs. Just wear a short dress and call it a day.

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No thank you, Jennifer Nettles.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Musician Scotty McCreery attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic)

He’s already pretty creeps and then throws on an embroidered jacket so that didn’t really help things.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Dan Smyers and Shay Mooney of Dan + Shay attend the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

The hair ruins everything for me here. Gelled pompadours AREN’T cool.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Singer Cam attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

This dress reminds me of a mix between banana peels and leaves, either way it’s too weird

BEST:

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Songwriter Kyle Jacobs and musical artist Kellie Pickler attend the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

This is really classy and elegant, especially for 1 out of 100 country awards. You go, grl.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Musical duo Lennon & Maisy attend the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

Why couldn’t the Conrad sisters perform? THAT would be must-see TV.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Singer-songwriter Kacey Musgraves attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

Kacey threw me a curveball tonight. No arts and crafts accessories, no beehive hairstyle, she just looks pretty.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: John Osborne and T.J. Osborne of Brothers Osborne attend the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

Beard’s got a weird jacket vibe going on but leather jacket Osborne is doing all sorts of things for me.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Singer-songwriter Lee Ann Womack attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

LeAnn with a sassy little frock. Showing Carrie she’s not the only country singer with stems!

04 November 2015 - Nashville, Tennessee - Thomas Rhett, Lauren Gregory. 49th CMA Awards, Country Music's Biggest Night, held at Bridgestone Arena. Photo Credit: Laura Farr/AdMedia

Thomas Rhett was out shined by his smokeshow wife and her dress that I’m obsessed with.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Singer Miranda Lambert attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

What do you do when you’re about to see your ex-husband in front of the cameras for the first time? Dye your hair pink, duh.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Singer-songwriter Sam Hunt attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

A fall-influenced suit. Hell yeah.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Singer-songwriter Cole Swindell attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

I’m willing to overlook the baseball cap for this spicy burgundy suit on Cole.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Model Hannah Davis attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

Slow whistle for the future Mrs. Jeter. Hot diggity damn.

Justin Timberlake arrives at the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on Wednesday, Nov. 4, 2015, in Nashville, Tenn. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

Everyone knows all JT needs to do is show up and he makes my best dressed list. Shameless.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Recording artist Luke Bryan attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

Luke never fails to dazzle me but all I need from his is a white tee and baseball cap.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Recording artist Brett Eldredge attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

My boo.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Actor Riley Smith attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

Latest installment of “if you guest star on Nashville you get an invite to the CMA’s.” I don’t hate it. More Riley Smith for me!

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Recording artist Darius Rucker attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

I may hate Hootie gone country but I can respect tha hell outta this bloutfit.

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I can get all down with this salsa number.

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Didn’t get enough hot pink tonight and I like this one a lot. David Nail you look nice as well.

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All because two people fell in love…they get invites to every Hollywood event ever. All in on Shawn’s suit, hard pass on Kaitlyn’s dress. I’ve seen a bajillion better outfits on her.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Musical duo Shawna Thompson and Keifer Thompson of Thompson Square attend the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

Thompson Square looking glam city.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Singer-songwriter Cassadee Pope attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

Usually the one sleeve thing is a little jarring but I’m alright with this scandal.

04 November 2015 - Nashville, Tennessee - Jana Kramer, Mike Caussin. 49th CMA Awards, Country Music's Biggest Night, held at Bridgestone Arena. Photo Credit: Laura Farr/AdMedia *** Please Use Credit from Credit Field ***

If you follow Jana on insta, you would know she’s preggers because she makes sure to directly comment on her bump in every post so it makes perfect sense that her hand is essentially glued to her baby belly on the red carpet. Also fist bump for putting the pregnancy rack on display.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Singer-songwriter Kelsea Ballerini attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

Princess Kelsea. Glad she made it to the CMA’s this year because her songs are fire flames and she’s a little cutie.

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Singer-songwriter Dustin Lynch attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

Ignore the stupid pose, ignore the stupid pose.

Kimberly Perry, of The Band Perry, arrives at the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on Wednesday, Nov. 4, 2015, in Nashville, Tenn. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

The Sleek Perry

NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 04: Singer-songwriter Tyler Farr attends the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on November 4, 2015 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)

I love this peacoat material jacket. Sophisticated AND trendy.

Reid Perry, of The Band Perry, arrive at the 49th annual CMA Awards at the Bridgestone Arena on Wednesday, Nov. 4, 2015, in Nashville, Tenn. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

I laughed out loud when I saw Perry Bro 1 with his messy bun and realized this is EXACTLY what my hair looks like when I toss it up at the end of the day. Not sure if that’s a commentary on me or him.

Fave Look of the Night:

November 4, 2015 Nashville, Tn. Carrie Underwood 49th Annual Country Music Association Awards held at the Bridgestone Arena © Curtis Hilbun / AFF-USA.COM

She may have 12 outfit changes throughout the evening but her red carpet look did it for me.

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Red Carpet

Emmys 2015 Red Carpet

Back in biz with legit–no one is shouting profanities at each other or declaring their upcoming run for office–awards shows. Let’s get right to it.

PS I’d like to formally apologize for the abrupt change in picture size, I did this really hilarious and cool thing called dumping a glass of water on my macbook this weekend (woooooo party animal) and had to get ratchet to deliver this red carpet blog–half done on my phone, half on the computer. Shout out to mah bestie for loaning me her laptop for the night. True friends loan electronics for a completely unnecessary and inconsequential blog post. Needlepoint THAT on a pillow.

WORST:

   christina-hendricks

Girl, we get it. Ya got some yabbos. Don’t need to always see them.

giuliana-rancic-emmys-2015-emmy-awards

Do Less, Giulz.

heidi-klum-03-290

I don’t understand how this is a finished product.

kiernan-shipka-01-290

This girl is 15, and I get that when you’re 15 you want to wear a cute top and leggings, but like not on a red carpet.

laura-prepon-emmys-2015-emmy-awards

Completely unnecessary embroidered shoulder hat.

mindykaling

It kills me to do this but I sincerely hate this mustard bottle color. I know she can look more glam, she crushes it ever other time.

sarah-paulson

She literally looks like a statue in this.

tatiana-maslany

This outfit gives Tatiana an unfortunate jenis, err I guess since she’s wearing a tuxedo, a tuxenis.

Chains were apparently suuupes trend-doggs this year. I don’t love it. I also don’t love Hugh’s woof bedhead.

Eye sore dress.

Maisie decided to turn the Emmy’s into MK&A’s Sleepover Party, I guess.

  

I don’t know, I’m just not feeling anything about this look.

It certainly is Amy’s year but c’mon. This is not a flattering pick. Props for the hand fan though, I used to love setting that bad boy up on my desk at school only to have an immature little grubber stick his fingers in it while it was running.

Look! It’s the just sewn together cupcake.

  

Besides the very 70’s curtains bottom, that bright blue smokey eye is roof stooof.

I quite literally shrieked in fear when I saw this. American Horror Story is correct.

Matt LeBlanc looks like he’s working red carpet security detail. Bruh, act like you’ve been here before.

I feel like the Emmy’s aren’t the place to leave nothing to the imagination.

BEST:

ariel-winter

Getting a breast reduction may have been slapping God in the face, but these warlocks look fab now. Very subtle and elegant.

amy-poehler

Amy with the sassy cutouts, grrrrllll new hair, new you!

aubrey-plaza

Aubrey is smiling and showing sass leg!

LOS ANGELES, CA - SEPTEMBER 20: Actress Gina Rodriguez attends the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Steve Granitz/WireImage)

Gina always nails it, looking like a pretty princess

maggie-gyllenhaal-emmys-2015-emmy-awards

Quite possibly the only time Maggie has ever graced my best dressed. My friend thought her tan was too much but I can dig all up on this dress. She has a body! And doesn’t look like a frumpy aunt. STEPS IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION, MAGZ.

padma-lakshmi-emmys-2015-emmy-awards

How anyone can wear a dress this tight and not have the mint they ate before hitting the carpet visible is beyond me, but Padma looks like a smokeshow.

regina-king-emmys-2015-emmy-awards

Regina wearing a dress that reminds me of A Cinderella Story, coincidence?

rico-rodriguez-435

Modern Family kiddies dress better than half the adults in the room. Smooth.

IMAGE DISTRIBUTED FOR THE TELEVISION ACADEMY - Robin Wright arrives at the 67th Primetime Emmy Awards on Sunday, Sept. 20, 2015, at the Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles. (Photo by Dan Steinberg/Invision for the Television Academy/AP Images)

This dress accentuates her bod and not in a “gawd mom stop trying so hard” way

sarah-hyland

Gr8 fall color and perfect fit.

taraji-henson

This is a little on the scandalous side, but it wouldn’t be Taraji if it wasn’t. (Again with the 2chainz though)

uzo-aduba-emmys-2015-emmy-awards

The best pink look of the night! Uzo looks fab.

Julie Bowen kept it simple and crushed it.

Sassy suits and setting an example for red carpet bros.

Wears the same dress every red carpet and yet, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.

This is a lot, but at the same time fits well and she’s workin it.

Matching lips and dress combo deal

Emma went ole Hollywood glam on this one and I’m all aboard.

LADY GAGA LOOKS LIKE A HUMAN. I REPEAT, NORMAL GAGA.

Billy looking sharp with a little front highlight.

Tina usually keeps it black and white and it’s timeless

I like Naomi’s dress by itself but I’m really digging these two looks togets.

January came in red hot with a onesie giving me some Little Mermaid vibes, in a good way.

  I would like this dress, pls. Black floral deetz and a cutout for party in the midriff–can’t go wrong. Fave dress of the night!

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Red Carpet

TIFF Red Carpet(s)

This past weekend was the Toronto International Film Festival and I was so moved by the celeb appearances (read: there’s not much else going on this week…blog-wise) I decided to collect the looks for a best and worst dressed. Kudos to the ladies because the good news is there were much more best looks than worst. This gives me much hope for awards season.

WORST:

alia-shawkat

This outfit is atrocious in all forms of the word.

dakota-johnson-290

I would be surprised if Dakota wore an outfit that didn’t make me want to upchuck fifty shades of vomit.

drew-barrymore-290

Drew coming up Granny on this one.

naomi-watts

Cake topper Naomi Watts

rachelweisz

WHAT HAPPENED. Did the seamstress sew togets a bunch of scraps?

BEST:

jake

Starting out with the only male worthy of my list. Yum.

TORONTO, ON - SEPTEMBER 11: Actress Sandra Bullock arrives to the

Sandy B bringing the bangs back!

rachel-mcadams-290

My #2 girl crush looking like an angel goddess.

elizabeth-olsen-2-290

Who would’ve thought the littlest Olsen would end up the most normal? Speaking of, what’s Trent been up to…have they sold him yet?

amber-heard-290

It’s rare that Amber Heard isn’t wearing something edgy, she wears fairy princess well.

emily-blunt-290

Spicy neon shoes.

julianne-moore

A cute frock for Julianne.

kate-mara

Grow out the buzz cut and this would be top notch.

naomi-watts-2

Naomi redeemed her earlier cupcake number.

mischa-barton

Never in a million years thought Mischa Barton would look pulled together enough for a best dressed but it looks like time has healed her sloppiness. Well…almost, the dress looks gr8, hair could use a brush.

imogen-poots

Imogen could double as a mime but she looks cute so whatevz.

natalie-portman

Fall florals on Natalie Portman who clearly never ages.

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Pop Culture

LC Runway Review

lcrunway

Obviously I know nothing about high fashion or NYFW, but you bet your bottom dollar that when my girl LC announced her first collection to debut during fashion week, I was ALL over it. Since I highly doubt anyone else live-streamed the show in support of the ‘Guna babe (or to preview what items to purchase) I decided to recap it so that we can rank each look from worst to best. For anyone who doesn’t know LC’s style, the show was chock full of pastels, florals and braids. Sometimes it was whimsical and adorbises, and other times it was too much but overall I give her two thumbs up and all of the money in my savings account. Let’s see what she made!

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This is so granny and shapeless, I just can’t. It is literally an old woman’s nightgown.

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The shiny floral print on this crop coord look was far too 90’s for me and then adding in the oversized pink shades threw it over the edge.

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Almost exactly the same look but in a strapless gown. It’s prom gone bad.

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I can’t really explain why, but this reminded me of Brigitte from Passport to Paris. Maybe it’s the matching pastel coat/purse.

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Embroidered velvet shorts…three words that should never be put together.

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Flower power jumpsuit is not for me.

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Kind of a weird combo..teacher on top, disco on the bottom?

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Ah, the shimmery milkmaid. A must have for all those fall farm raves.

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Hate the coat, but the dress could be ok without dusty pink fuzzies all up on it.

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All this girl is missing is a stack of books and a banana seat bike with a bell on it.

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I would have ranked this higher on the list if it wasn’t velvet, which gives me the itchies just looking at it.

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I’m just not quite sure what’s going on with this. I think this is a top and leggings?

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Leaning toward the granny side of town–not bad just not doing anything special.

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Taking rompers into fall with a fur vest. I can dig it.

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Not in love with the shimmery fringe but the outfit pulls together via pants and shoes.

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LC laughs in the face of rules about white after labor day with her onslaught of whoutfits coming up.

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Kind of odd see through white dress.

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Middle fingers to the end of summer.

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I would love this if the dress cut off at the knee and didn’t have a sheer bottom.

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The back kind of ruined this for me.

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Cool for the summer. (PS LC…not all of us live in sunny Cali–it’s about to be winter for 6 months here FYIzzle)

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I feel like this could be a bridesmaid dress.

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Front is fab, tail action in the back freaks me out a touch.

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Because everything that was once trendy comes back, apparently I should’ve kept my duster from middle school.

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Supes prettzzzz but probably not a dress for tall people like me unless everyone wants a show every time I move.

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This is cool AF but I would never wear it. I don’t think a trip to the grocery store would deem a lace crop and hard flares.

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A fan of both the color and the ombre.

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Hearts for the fem lace jumpsuit but again not very practical.

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The best whoutfit of the night.

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This is badass princess right here. I’m going to wear tulle like I’m attending a grand ball but then BAM pair it with a crop top and motorcycle jacket. In YOUR FACE, FROZEN.

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This outfit was CRUSHING until she spun around and I caught a glimpse of that baby backpack. Really? We’ll have to disregard because the look is very fashionable biz casj. Which is a relief because buying biz flare dress pants makes me want to strangle myself. They are flattering on NO ONE. End rant.

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Perfect party dress!

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Thirty, flirty and thriving. JK this is not a look for a 30 year old but that caption was cuter than “I LOooooOOOVE THIS.

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Does this look kind of like some fancy jammies? Yeah. Do I care? No. Top three look right hurr. Daytime slumber party.

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This lace romper is perfection and I will need it on my body with a side braid, STAT.

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Snagging the number 1 spot for her designs in this show is this beauteous gown. Queen LC and her fairytale rule the roost.

And as if it would ever be a competition of who looked the best…. the top spot of the night goes to the designer herself looking like an angel sent straight from Laguna Beach.

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LC popped out for a shy hello and a giggle toward her hottie hubs who sat in the first chair and grinned for the entire show. It was adorbsies. And of course her HS BFF’s were there to show their support…

Moral of the story is she’s all grown up now! No more digging out candle wicks or shedding tears as a result of Kelly the ogre Cutrone yelling at her. I’m just so proud. ANYWHO, if you want to shop any of the looks, you can purchase here because LC wants the poors to look fabulous as well. (To be clear, I’m referring to myself as a poor and I’m 100% ok with that. The first step is acceptance.)

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Red Carpet

VMA’s Red Carpet

The awards show that brought us Lady Gaga’s meat dress obviously is held in high regard in the fashion industry. JK this show is always a trainwreck and it’s difficult to find a best dressed anywhere near the VMA’s but I did my best…just like it took Miley all of five minutes to do her best to force my dinner back up my throat.

WORST:

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The day that I put Nicki on a best dressed list will probably be when hell freezes over.

EM-RATA

I don’t even know what to make of this outfit. It’s like pirate meets salsa dancer meets hooker.

mariska-hargitay

WITCH!

serayah

Fringe splosion. Not a good look.

 jillianmichaels

Jillian Michaels brings us back to 1993. Also we get it, you have abs.

KARLIE-KLOSS

Bad Blood squad not faring well on the Ju…Color and style of this dress are blah.

kelly-osbourne

I don’t understand how Kelly did Fashion Police for so long and continued to dress like a dumpster.

TAYLOR-SWIFT

C’mon Tay. Act like you’ve owned the VMA’s red carpet before. This outfit is blinding, the hair is too slicked and it looks like she can’t keep her eyes open with that cat eye overload.

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The safari twins going for matchy matchy neutrals.

HAILEE

Too many aggressive styles at once on this jumpsuit.

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Britney. We talked about this. Please cover yourself. It’s getting embarrassing.

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Justin, your hair, WOOF.

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Obviously. We can go ahead and book every look of the night for Miley under WORST.

BEST:

CHRISSY-TEIGEN Screen Shot 2015-08-30 at 9.18.25 PM

Elegantly slutty is what I call this look. Also John with the leather pants? DAMN.

jojo

GET OUT RIGHT NOW, it’s the end of baby JoJo.

torikelly

One of my favorite looks of the night. Tori’s crushing the going out party shorts

 gigi-hadid-mtv-vmas-2015-video-music-awards

I don’t think it’s possible for Gigi to look bad.

greer-grammer

Summer’s not over yet with this hot pink!

demi-lovato

This dress normally wouldn’t be for me but Demi is rocking it

 SELENA-GOMEZ

Selena says I’m classy AF with the black gown but also I’m not wearing a bra with the nips peek.

CARA-D

Nothing weird here, keep up the good work Cara.

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I can appreciate the hippie chic on Vanessa.

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SIIICK Loutfit from Nicky J.

And for all the squad shippers…of course Tay did the red carpet with the Bad Blood crew:

 badbloodsquad

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Red Carpet

Teen Choice Awards Red Carpet

It’s the dog days of summer and my bloggable material is at an all-time low. Speaking of lows, I stumbled upon a circumstance where I watched half of the Teen Choice Awards. Yeah whatever, I judge myself harder than any of you could judge me but the bottom line is I know we’ve all been itching for a new red carpet of questionable ensembles to judge and here IT IS. Think of it as a little warm up for the VMA’s, which we all know will be a downright shit show.

Worst Dressed

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Robbie Amell is the hottest piece of ass on the cusp of his acting career and he WORE THIS? Also his fiance with the ABC Family original show looks lackluster at best.

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Brit Brit. At least cover your cooch when you’re out with your children. Kewl rainbow hair though girl, you’re so on trend.

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I will NEVER support men wearing tunics. This is some Justin Bieber shit, you’re better than that Mahomie.

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Did she wrap a tablecloth on over some leggings?

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“Daddy why is your shirt always wide open?”-Wiz Jr.

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I don’t know what creation those pants/leggings are but no thank you.

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The dress is 90’s which is like whatever, but to add the free hanging strands in her face really pushed it. Blossom.

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Don’t say her name three times.

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Zendaya holding up her end of the bargain to always look like she pulled her outfit out of a 3 year old’s dress up trunk.

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I can’t tell if this is beaded or velour but it’s just not doing it for me.

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This is an actual pants suit. I’m assuming from Ann Taylor. It’s not a sexy pants suit. It’s a Hillary Rodham Clinton pants suit.

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Granny dress for Emma Roberts.

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Our ice dancer number of the night.

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No snakes allowed on the blue carpet.

Best Dressed:

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This is an alright dress but what really knocked my socks off was when Rachel Platten sang Fight Song and wore all black with gold glitter kicks. Sneaker crush.

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Sucker for a crop peekaboo.

mae-whitman-teen-choice-awards-20151

One of those outfits I looked at and was like BLECH then looked at it again and was like ok I can get down with this.

portia-di-rossi-teen-choice-awards-2015

I think this jumpsuit is SASSSY, plus what is an old person supposed to wear to the Teen Choice Awards anyway?

sarah-hyland-01-435

Crop Coordinates, FTW. Also really digging on that yellow.

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Membs when Josh Peck was a heffer on Nickelodeon?

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Aca-Smooth.

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Maddie Ziegler is 12 years old and she dressed like she was 12 years old. No seriously, I’m applauding this outfit for being age appropriate. DON’T EVER GROW UP, GIRL!

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Bella Thorne is crushing this dress and also wins for smokeshow couple of the night.

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Only Uncle J can roll up to an awards show in jeans and a tee and pull it off.

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One of the hosts of the evening and she always looks gr8.

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LEA, GET IT GURL!!!!

For anyone wondering what you missed from not devoting any of your free time to an awards show for middle schoolers, here it is:

gabby-sidiby-teen-choice-awards-2015

You’re welcome for not including a gif. This is a real thing that happened for more than one minute of the show. So that’s that.

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Red Carpet

CMT Music Awards Red Carpet

We’re back in the swing of a country music awards show for every network, unfortunately this network is no longer a part of my cable package (elitist Comcast) so I really committed hard to delivering some bloggage. You better ‘preciate it. Probably the most difficult part of my night wasn’t watching an awards show on my laptop like a poor person, but it was trying to find enough people for my best dressed list. YIKES what slim pickins. Anywho…

Worst Dressed

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WHAT THE HELL, SAM?! DON’T STRAY FROM THE HOT COUNTRY BOY UNIFORM. JEANS, VNECK, SMILE. DAS IT.

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JT Hodges wore more sparkles than his wife. That’s supes embarrassing.

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Jason Aldean will forever be stuck in the 90’s. Sweet corduroy jacket and flares.

ian-somerhalder-cmt-music-awards-2015

Listen I want to throw the boys a bone here but they did a lot of this shit…looking good on top and then throwing on a pair of boots that ruined everything.

chase-rice-cmt-music-awards-2015

Going for a quick hike after this, Chase? Cmon guys, it’s not that hard to make my best dressed. Figure it out.

ashley-monroe-cmt-awards-2015

Not even joking here, is she alive?

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This is literally the pattern of one of those rubber sun catchers you could color in from Joann Fabrics. #craftdress

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How the hell did Brooke Hogan get an invite to these awards? Think they were scrounging or something…Anyway she wore her best Deb prom dress, with a side of nip slip. Keep it classy, grrrrrl.

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I’m guessing Aubrey Peeples/Jeff Fordham’s worse half rode to the red carpet on her broomstick.

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The shiny pattern mixed with gold prom heels wasn’t Kelli’s best.

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Cute jumpsuit Jamie-Lynn but you’re on a red carpet, not bowling with your pals on Zoey 101.

hillary-scott-cmt-awards-20152

Ugh. This dress isn’t doing things for Hil. She redeems herself with a white hot performance outfit.

nicole-kidman-cmt-awards-2015

Meh.

Best Dressed:

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Take notes, boys.

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Dierks gets it. Guys can literally wear an undershirt and some tight jeans and still crush a red carpet.

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I ripped this off Brett’s snapchat like the creep that I am but there weren’t any pics online and I just know he looks like a dime.

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Jana could do less with this look but the color looks good on her and obviously respect tha hell out of that bod.

jessie-james-decker-cmt-awards-2015

LBD never fails, JJD keeping it simple and still looking like a smoke.

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Svelte look for KPerry

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Just enough skin to keep it elegant.

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There’s a reason she’s married to Magic Mike.

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Both hosts delivering on the red carpet with classic black and white.

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Dig the different dress style, could’ve really used a sassy pony with it to seal the deal.

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Fun sparkle mini on Danielle Bradbury

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Girl is pulling off the jumpsuit and it’s unlike anything else on this red carpet.

Best Look of the Night…

carrie-underwood-cmt-awards-20151

I mean obviously. When did she have a baby? This morning? Those legs though.

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Pop Culture

An Ode To Blake Lively

Everyone who knows me knows that I’ve had a massive crush on Blake Lively ever since she was Bridget in Sisterhood. She just popped out a baby recently and in promoting her new movie Age of Adaline, was working the press circuit the past couple of weeks. To say she was killing it, fashion-wise is an understatement. I was surfing through her recent looks and had to mop up the drool from my keyboard. Since I’m somewhat of a fashion expert (because I judge red carpets) I decided to rank Blake’s press outfits from worst to best, woman crush Wednesday style.

tweedblake

This tweed jacket number is definitely the worst mostly because I hate tweed. All the respect that Blake matched her pumps to the coat though.

70sblake

A little TOO 70’s for my liking but her boobs look gr8.

brightblake

This is a lot to take in. Sassy pony on fleek though.

lilacblake

Kind of reminiscent of an Easter mass outfit.

orangblake

The dress makes me think of Lemon-Sol. Those mint heels though ❤

patchworkblake

Not my favorite embroidered set but her legs are giving T.Swift’s a run for her money.

pinkblake

If the top left boob didn’t have Beetlejuice stripes on it I would be all in on this outfit.

jacketblake

Lose the jacket, show off the goods. (I realize each of my comments is getting creepier and creepier, and I’m OK with it.)

tracksuitblake

Leave it to Blake to wear heels with a tracksuit.

koifishblake

Oh hey, a koi fish.

springblake

Kind of a mom dress but her mermaid waves steal the show.

mustardblake

Retro chic

jeansblake

Yeah this is exactly how I look when I throw on a pair of jeans for a casj Friday.

    sparkleblake

Saucy skirt for Seth Meyers

sleekblake

Boob sparkle for JFall

pearlsblake

I’m pretty sure she literally just wore this party dress from the limo to her dressing room. #LifeGoals

bodysuitblake

I can’t even begin to understand what this creation is but it’s cool AF.

skirtblakeceleber.ru

Fun and flattering and obsessed with these earrings!

floralblake

Her best elegant look of the tour.

redblake

WINNER WINNER, CHICKEN DINNER. Putting that salsa girl emoji to SHAME. Hot damn.

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Pop Culture

The Olsen Twins: A Timeline of Coordinated Outfits

The heyday of Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen was pre-Twitter, Memes and Vines, and what a true shame that is. They may be high fashion queens now, but I feel like it’s necessary to remember them for who they used to be—the pinnacle of coordinated outfits and envy of all non-twins. The Olsen twins were the trendsetters of my generation and it’s about time we bow down to them for it. Here are the best of the worst coordinated outfits, complete with the top trends they made cool (in chronological order by movie, obviously).

It all began with the exact matching outfits with theme. This is easily my favorite. Two wittle sailors circa the 90’s. I respect this look because my mom also went through a phase of sewing my sisters and I matching outfits for Christmas cards with coordinated patterns. Isn’t that the cutest thing you’ve ever seeeeeen?nautical

Once the girls got a little older they were like ENOUGH, mom. We want to be individuals! This is when they started the same outfit but opposite colors trend. This pretty much stuck for the next ten years. Because it’s not matching if it’s not the same color, DUUUHHH. These neon backwards hats were edgy and cool for their “You’re Invited” intros.

overalls

For their ever so classic Sleepover Party that I was obviously invited to, they decided to T it down with the matching so their friends didn’t think they were total losers. If we’re being candid I don’t think they needed to worry about a girl who brings a framed picture of her dog to a sleepover because she misses him so much judging them. Anyway, they rock these jean headbands and coordinated purple and florals as they teach us how to spell PIZZAAAA, P-I-Z-Z-A.

vests headbands

Is it bitchy of me to post this picture where they’re clearly going through a hairstyle identity crisis phase? Probably, but when you stumble upon gold like this it’s pretty much a crime not to share it with the world. The girls revert back to their old ways for a press appearance with exact matching outfits right down to the frizzy blowout and chunky black platform sandals. The pastels that complement each other were a nice touch though.

matchymatchy

Billboard Dad was when the girls’ personalities really started to shine through in their fashion choices. Anyone whose anyone knows that MK has always been more tomboy and Ashley more feminine. Even though their styles started to part ways, they held it together with matching colored lenses and well-placed butterfly clips because they’re spunky AF. Also quick LOL to the baby boobs coming in during this era.

shadesbillboard

Ah we’ve arrived in the Passport to Paris era. The girls embark on a new country during Spring Break and set off the tradition of a new vacation movie every year…which I am forever grateful for. This movie showed how they handle international style and just how much they’ve grown up. We get to see travelwear like we’ve never seen it before, with the opposite color one-straps. Blue for MK (duh) and Pink for Ash. The moment this movie premiered I marched right over to JCP to buy my own one strap. Mine was also blue because I was going through a tomboy phase like MK and the sound of that velcro strap was like music to my ears. Also has anyone ever looked cooler in pleather?

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Paris also treated us to THE HANKERCHIEF. Instead of matching exactly, they matched themes with their peasant tops paisley print for Ash, gingham for MK. Ever having a bad hair day with your perfectly blown dry bob? Slide a headband with a triangle hankerchief hanging off it right on and all your problems are solved.

passport

After reviewing this outfit choice, I’m beginning to think that Paris started to think all Americans were trashy around this point in time. Wearing camis fit for a PJ set out for a day of sightseeing isn’t exactly approps for the City of Lights. The shell chokers, beaded hair and matching purses make up for it though, obviously.

camis

Formal wear for the ladies consisted of a loose strand in the face (it’s elegant), a string of pearls and a spaghetti strap dress. It’s no wonder those french boys were all about slow dancing with these fine young American women. Bonjour, Bonjour, OH MY GAWD.

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Right around the same time the Olsen’s started jet-setting, they also personally invited me to their Dance Party. I’m glad I could make it because there were some really cool rapping moments in the girls bathroom. What IS all the noise about boys? Since they’re at the age when they’re dancin it up with boys, MK&A got real edgy with the animal prints. Zebra bags, cheetah lined pockets, RAWR. Did they take the black choker/wrist cuff and slightly racist Japanese shirts a little too far? No, no they did not.

animaldanceprintpockets

Shortly thereafter, the girls witnessed a diamond robbery in Our Lips Are Sealed. They had to be placed in the witness protection program, which gave us a live look at how they dress for their geographic location. In Cali they were all about the graphic tees and tinted shades:

graphictee

In Seattle they were hipsters with chokers plus hers & hers hemp bucket hats/bandannas:

seattle

And Aussieland gave us the tropical vibes with hawaiian prints and bathing suit skirts:

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I must’ve been really good that year because my reward was a yacht party in Australia that yielded the greatest matching 70’s outfits alive. Not only were those white Go-Go boots (that eventually were ditched on the boat to jetski with the cute guys) on point, but they danced with peace signs and told classic jokes to the camera. “Oh am I supposed to say something funny? SOMETHING FUNNY!” Ohh Ash, you should’ve just let your outfit do the talkin.

cu 70s 70s

The girls really matured when they started to grow their hair out and join the debate team. They had their first educational movie in Winning London and they really showed they were there to work hard with their trench coats and scarves, but their patterned flare pants revealed that they have a wild side too. Classic case of business on top, party on the bottom. The comeback of the tinted aviators kind of throws off that theory though because that could also be perceived as party on top. Let’s reiterate: Party(shades):Business(turtlenecks, scarves and smart coat):Party(plaid/tie-dye slacks):Business(a smart pair of leather mom boots). WHAT a balance.

pants

SHIT. I forgot to factor in the puke colored plaid bucket hats. I don’t even know where these fall on the spectrum. WHY ARE TWO FIFTEEN YEAR OLDS WEARING SO MANY EARTH TONES? That’s so Brit of them.

buckethat winninglondon

Thank GOD they lose their overcoats and kick off their chunky heels to get TURNT at the club one night. Unfortunately that means they don these icelandic eskimo dresses, pink vs. blue of course. Although this time Ashley’s in the blue. Really throwing us for a loop there. The turtle necks, however, are apparently even necessary while partying. Let your necks FREE, Chloe and Riley! (For the record, their names in this movie were so good they re-used them for their show So Little Time. Chlo + Riles 4eva.)

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Holiday in the Sun blessed us with some more Hawaiian patterns as the girls were whisked away for winter break on their dad’s private jet to Atlantis in the Bahamas. If you think I’m complaining about these tacky floral prints, it’s got nothin on the level of whining that came from the twins when they realized they were going on a family vacay instead of partying it up South Beach style with their trashy high school friends.

hawaiian

Instead of being thankful for their all expenses paid tropical vacation and a full box of Krispy Kremes, they amped up their “we’re basically legal in this country and we can do whatever we want” vibes and went balls to the wall. Falling in love with the local who cleans the shark tank and investigating smugglers occupy their time, and skintight tube tops and one-shoulders occupy their bodies. Even their beach wear consisted of tight wifebeaters, I’m assuming to show off their fully grown boobs. All to the tune of Weezer, obviously.

mary-kate-and-ashley-holiday-in-the-sun onestrap tube

Other notable trends from the Bahamas: The comeback of the pigtail braids

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Murica themes…(Seriously if this tube top were still around today I’d wear it to a 4th of July party because it’s cute AF).

murica

And from day-wear to night-wear, the black one shouldered tank paired with opposite colors geometric skirts. Club READY. Now he’s what time it is. Ok you got me, I think I actually genuinely liked every outfit from this movie. The girls reached their fashion peak in Atlantis. Hair, accessories and clothing were on point. All the awards. The beach suits them.

geometric skirts

Road trips on the other hand, didn’t suit them so well. It’s hard to imagine that these two globe-trotting beauties were only just turning 16 but after making out with so many cultured men it was time to get their licenses and celebrate with a classic cross-country road trip in Getting There. They discovered straighteners and how to look casj in addition to a bright red ‘stang. Nothing says road trip like aviators and converses.

sneaks

If they wanted to look a little more mid-western casj, they threw on their sleeveless plaid shirts and earth tone corduroys. It seems as though they learned nothing from the barf tones from Winning London. 16 certainly didn’t start off with a bang for these two. It’s nice to see that they celebrated the big year with continuing the ultra matching theme right down to the jeweled choker.

plaidz getting there

Italy was much kinder to their fashion sense in When In Rome. They’re artsy and cool as they intern and immediately get fired from unpaid work. It doesn’t matter though because they have their hotel room directly IN the Colosseum and their cozy neutral wrap sweaters to fall back on.

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The final installment in the straight to VHS collection of our two favorite gals is The Challenge, where all of their past lovahs come back to ask why the hell they only got a peck and nothin else. This movie was an overall DUD mostly because it played out much like an MTV Real World/Road Rules Challenge without the drinking or the sex. Booooo. However, it brought us the linen pants and beach waves. YAS. Lip gloss for an extreme challenge? Duh.

beachy lipstick

We’ve finally arrived at the end of the Olsen girls’ career as we know it. New York Minute, the full length feature film that people (me) actually paid to see. Boy was it a shit show. Apparently going mainstream made them cocky they could pull of anything, because they made the executive decision to wear these I ❤ NY t shirts with tacky red skirts and chunky heels for like 98% of the movie. No, thank you. In a sense, we came full circle because we started with exact matching outfits and ended the same. We end the saga not with a bang but with a whimper.

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And because I never end the list with a whimper, please feast your eyes on a little then and now version of Rebellious Olsens. If this childhood doo-rag picture doesn’t make you laugh out loud then I pretty much don’t want to know you as a person. The second shot (obviously not present day because it’s not terrifying) was roughly 8 years later on their short-lived TV show So Little Time. Wildly underrated in my opinion, also fire theme song. From bandannas to clip-in color extensions, fake tattoos to fake tattoos. We’ve watched these two grow up before our very own eyes. A fashion evolution, if you will. They’re in their 20’s now and I can only hope they still call each other to plan coordinated outfits for outings, even if they are black cloaks, at least they keep the twin fashion sense alive for the rest of us.

doorag bamf

Now excuse me while I check if their WalMart clothing line is still available online…

suits

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JUice

Weekly JUice

1. I missed the Critics Choice Awards last night. That’s on me. And reading about it is giving me FOMO because apparently any awards show that I DON’T watch is when things happen: Michael Strahan hosted and did a Magic Mike routine, John Kraskinski & Emily Blunt were cute as shit and Kevin-Silver Fox-Costner won a lifetime award. Whatever. Here’s the worst looks:

angelina-jolie-290 jessica-chastain-290 keira-knightley-435 emily-blunt-290

And the best looks:

amy-adams-290 felicity-jones-290 jamie-chung-290 jennifer-aniston-290 julianne-moore-290 leslie-mann-01-290 reese-witherspoon-290 rosamund-pike-290

2A. Even though I did a full recap and fashion blog on the Globes, there were some worthy next day shots of after party outfits that deserved to be addressed. (Mainly I can’t go without giving props to my girl Tay.) Here are some of my fave outfits for people who were cool enough to party but not enough to attend the awards.

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To be clear, Taylor is the best dressed here.

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2B. While we’re on the topic of Jennifer Aniston, let’s discuss another tidbit to come after the Globes. Remember when Billy Bob Thornton accepted his Golden Globe for Fargo and basically said everything he says gets him in trouble so he’ll just say thank you? Apparently Billy didn’t apply this rule to his post-Globes interviews. When asked to play Would You Rather with Jen Aniston or Reese Witherspoon, Billy revealed it’s his life goal to take Jen to poundtown. No word on if he would also like to exchange vials of blood with her but I’ll be happy to keep you posted on the matter. (Shoutout to Den for the goss. tip)

3. Kelly Clarkson came out of what I can only assume was retirement (it’s been a while) and released Heartbeat Song, which is a great jam so get groovin to it this weekend. Also her bowling ball head child named after a body of water produced it or something.

4. Idina Menzel will be singing Let it Go The National Anthem at the Superbowl. You know what would be REALLY patriotic? If I could go five minutes without getting the song Let it Go stuck in my head. America has ruined winter, Idina Menzel and everything snowman related with that damn song and I just want to live my life Let it Go free. If there are ANY superbowl promos that play this song when announcing her singing the national anthem I will LITERALLY chop both of my ears off because I will no longer be needing them in this Let it Go world. If we’re being honest I’m actually surprised there aren’t more ear cutting incidents with parents of small children who probably play this song/movie on repeat. End rant. (Just so we’re clear just typing the song title that many times ensured that the song is in my head for the rest of the day). Also John Legend will be singing America the Beautiful and this I can stand behind wholeheartedly. John has the voice of an angel and I will approve of him serenading forever and ever.

5. Mariah Carey is banished to Vegas. Not a minute too soon really….Just kidding, she should’ve been shipped to Vegas for her show girl act roughly circa 2001. Props to her for trying to stay relevant for as long as she did. I’m gonna go ahead and assume her abomination of All I Want For Christmas Is You at the NYC tree lighting this year pretty much sealed the deal. If you’re looking for the revival of butterflies and rhinestone frocks, be sure to pre-order your tickets now to see her Vegas act at Caesar’s Palace (side note: do you think the real Caesar lived there? Asking for a friend. You’re welcome for bringing back a 5 year old movie quote.) Also in other sad sap Mariah Carey news her baby husband Nick Cannon has filed for divorce. YIKES. Getting the D bomb AND the Vegas act all in one week. #ThoughtsandPrayers

mariah

Announced on Ellen, dressed in THAT.

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