I can’t say I’ve ever watched the Critics Choice Awards before, but I think I’m down with them now. People are winning for things I actually watched and they just allowed Amy Schumer to stand onstage for like 5 minutes saying whatever the hell she felt like. Those five minutes alone were better than the entire Golden Globes this year. Anyway, here’s the top and bottom looks of the night. (Disclaimer: there are 0 men on this list…apparently no boys were allowed on the red carpet or something.)

WORST:

Girl, this makes you look like a frumpy wad of cotton candy. I don’t know why she just didn’t borrow from Chanel #5’s closet.

This is a super unfortunate flappy armpit fabric sitch.

MJ Blige showing off her bicep tats with these sleeves.

Creamsicle, dreamsicle.

Better than the Golden Globes Hefty bag but still not quite there.

Lite Brite Dress

Slow your roll with that slit, Jen. Could she have made it easier for a little under-the-table funny business?

One shoulder tops give me a very early 2000’s MK&A vibe.

Did she get dressed in the 17th century, question mark

I imagine this is what Wednesday Addams would wear if she was into sparkles.

BEST:

Classic look for a winner.

Let’s talk about the fact that she just gave birth like 4 minutes ago and looks like a dime.

If I wore this dress I would also look like I was 3 months pregnant. Liv actually is.

A classy black party dress is always hot stuff.

Now this is how you do a slit.

Amy looks like a smokeshow.

sAsSy & SaH CaYooTe

Perfect hair, perfect dress.

Both tulle looks from last night make me want a tutu real bad.

What a vision.

Normally tiered dresses like this are super unflattering but Kirsten’s so damn skinny that she pulls it off.

NIPS OUT FOR THE BOYS! Hayden’s back!

Fave look of the night/Girl Boner: