Music

Jesse McCartney Monday

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I think I’ve loved Jesse McCartney my whole life, skipping over-for obvious reasons-his Dreamstreet days. He started out as the soulful melon-head who also starred in the hit (not really hit) TV show Summerland. Then he left my life for a little while and those were some tough years…but he came right back more badass than ever with a fresh hair cut and some hip hop influences and I will forever be grateful for that. I thought it would be approps to kick off the week with a little evolution of Jesse, a man who matured in the spotlight flawlessly. TAKE NOTES, BIEBER.

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Beautiful Soul

Obviously we wouldn’t have Jesse and his awkward bowl cut that made his head look 100x larger without this #1 hit. This video is kind of a snooze but the highlight reel contains him wearing a cowboy hat and thinking he’s modeling for GQ, followed by ditching his shirt to show off his milky white chest with a gem necklace for a little swim with his lady love in a leaf-infested pool. Obviously the doo-rag girl that captured his heart holds his hand at the beach later for a nice PG fairytale ending.

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How Do You Sleep? (FEAT. LUUUUUDA)

The ultimate cool guy music video, Jesse dons some sonic the hedgehog dark hair, a leather jacket and aviators as he drives a vintage whip through the desert. Or rather he does everything but operate this vehicle, jumping to and from cars, sitting in the backseat with his boo and laying across the hood. Seriously Jesse, WHOSE DRIVING THAT CAR?

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In all his glorious mid-2000’s swagger, LUDA shows up to spit verses standing atop a car, directing two other running cars like reindeer on a sleigh via some silver chains. Why? Cause he’s a Bo$$. Even though Jesse is clearly trying to transform from blonde cherub to Danny Zuko, you can’t help but see his gentleman side when he croons “Not only does your body bend, but i miss the conversation too.”

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Leavin

If there were ever a music video version of telling your fans, “Hey guys I’m an adult who has sex now but still enjoy wearing a necklace”, this one would be it. Gone are the days of going after a girl for her soul instead of her looks and we’ve now arrived at leave your boyf and then writhe all over me. Also important to note that Jesse is still doing the spiky thing with his hair, despite the fact that it doesn’t look that gr8. An emotional time for us all.

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Shake

Transformation into sex machine completed. Jesse has a dark, side-parted swoop with a three piece suit so BACK DA F UP, boys. He also debuts some tight dance moves while biddies in undies and hooker boots gyrate around him. UPGRADE. Bonus points for the not so sneaky Motorola plug (2010 seems a little late for this) and for taking a call from  “Cali shorty”. At least we know Jesse learned something from working with Luda all those years ago, keep shorties on call in all major cities.

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Punch Drunk Recreation

What’s that? You thought Jesse was done? NO WAY. This was a song off of his latest album and truly completes his mature musical evolution. It ain’t always about the booty, sometimes it’s just about getting 100 of your closest friends together, throwing a house party and lacing up some Nikes to show off the freshest dance moves with your bros. This is what adult Jesse looks like and he’s crushing it. And he knows it. Also the front spike is back, no doubt a wink to his earlier days except now he’s a trillion times cooler but still releasing bangerz.

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Please don’t ever leave me again, Jesse.

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JUice, Music, Pop Culture

Weekly JUice

1. Pitch Perfect 2 Trailer is here!

Hearing Cups before the trailer even started was already magic to my ears and then they went ahead and made it a Barden Bellas melody via campfire and made it 100 times better. The sad song, the slow motion, the slumber parties, it started out looking like a farewell college video and I’m certainly not in an emotional state to handle that right now. It’ll pretty much always be too soon for that. THANK GOD they picked shit up because I was running out of tissues. After some arm farting, we get a dirty beat and it looks like a trailer for Step Up 7:The Beatz from the Streetz (Trademark pending). This is what I can get down with. It could very well be a Step Up movie because it’s World Championships now and there was a lot of stripping onstage shown in a very short period of time. Side note: Legit thought the foreign blonde chick was Sofia Vergara for a second and then felt bad immediately because this woman is obviously a man. Sorry Sofia…my B. Anyway this trailer was phenomenal and now I have outrageously high hopes for this sequel to be a banger with another epic soundtrack. It’s no coincidence that it premieres on my birthday and I for one can’t wait to ring in my 24th year with my gurl Fat Amy.

2. We all got Beyonce’d again. She snuck a new song and music video for 7/11 out on Friday night because weekends don’t matter to Beyonce. No one can have other plans when she could drop another album at a moment’s notice. Thanks for keeping us on our toes, Bey.

 

So this music video looks like it was just a girls night in a hotel room, getting slizzard and having a dance party. That’s so basic of Bey…appealing to the masses with a music video that we all could make. She uses her foot as a phone and dances around in her underwear. The song is pretty annoying so I won’t fault you if you don’t watch the whole video. Here is the music video summed up in one screenshot:

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3. Jesse McCartney releases music video for Punch Drunk Recreation

JESSE! When’s your next house party? LMK.

 

4. Jimmy Kimmel does his 8th installment of Celebs Reading Mean Tweets and this one is memorable because John Stamos FINALLY addresses his barf.com belly button.

 

5. Have you ever wanted to go on a date with a member of 1D? Good news, their new video allows you to do so. Set it full screen and kick back for your date, ladiezzz.

Not even leaving my apt and being wined and dined by some hotties is the perfect Saturday night.

 

Sorry I’m not sorry this week’s buzz is music video heavy…I just follow the JUice, people.

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