I didn’t get a chance to watch the CMA’s but I can pretty much guarantee Carrie Underwood’s face looked the same as it did 10 years ago but there will be 90 thinkpieces on her first hosting gig POST-FALL.

WORST

It’s bad enough that it’s Hallmark Holiday szn and Alicia Witt and her dumpster acting is on my TV every time I turn it on, now she’s gotta invade country too?! What fresh hell is this?!

I want the high Angelina Jolie slit to be done. There I said it. I feel better.

My sister and I saw Brett in concert this fall and noticed that he has an aversion to pants that reach his ankles. It has now become a running joke that he only wears capris (including his own wedding) and it’s good to see that even in colder weather, he lets his socks shine in favor of pants that fit.

I get the feeling that they’re going for the velvet matchy matchy thing even though I don’t know if this dress is velvet and I don’t approve.

The first few times I looked at this I thought the top part was camo. Honestly, if it was I think I’d appreciate it more. Instead, it looks like a bad prom dress from Deb.

I feel like this is a little dark for the CMA’s. Smokey eye on a hundred billion.

Hey guys, look it’s that plain bagel Lauren B making her couple debut with Chris Lane. What a weird choice to wear for this occasion. It’s like she knew I was going to call her a plain bagel and wanted to toss a curveball in the form of a beaded veiny coral dress into the mix. Also, Chris is wearing his pajamas.

We get it, you’re hot and have a good body…thanks for showing us your undies.

This color looks lovely but I can’t get down with a mermaid dress. SARRY.

Kewl hip cutout, Maren.

I mean it literally looks like we can see Jennifer’s spanx underneath her dress. Why would that be a desirable style?

OK are those non-slip sneaks that people who work in a kitchen wear? Is Russell trolling us?!

I don’t need a slit from your neck to your belly button under any circumstances. I will say, however, that her legs look SO skinny in those pants. It’s almost like an optical illusion except that I know she probably has a thigh gap.

BEST

The same yellow Kellie wore but no mermaid and I LIKE IT.

JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE PREGNANT DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN’T SHOW OFF THE MONEYMAKERS. This dress is fine and whimsical and all and obviously she looks good but like stop hiding your stems from the world, Carrie.

I’m loving all these blues to match THOSE EYES.

That pattern crisscrossing at the waist is super flattering in making her look skinny AF. Props on that.

WHOA WHOA WHOA what do we have here?! Dennis Quaid going bad boy country on us?! YES DADDY! (To be honest that was my first time using daddy unironically and even though I laughed to myself about it for far too long, it still feels a little wrong. The leather jacket made me do it.)

Honestly I’ve ripped Dustin a million times before because he wears the same thing every red carpet and I think I’m finally flipping the switch and starting to respect it. Glitter jacket and a Crest toothpaste ad smile. Do it up, yo.

I’m not really sure what’s going on with this two jacket sitch but the pink fur is pretty baller.

The CMA’s red carpet is not an occasion to bring your infant. Glossing over that huge detail, this is the best I’ve ever seen Tyler look and I wanted to give him cred for that because he usually looks like he’s dressing for a white trash bash except that’s how he really dresses. Fatherhood has matured him. Wifey could use a little work.

Kneejerk reaction is to put this fool on the worst dressed and be like wtf were you thinking. But the fact that he’s owning this so hard and you can tell he LOVES this outfit made me put him on best dressed. Confidence is through the roof and he’s even working the pockets. I guess I’m going soft. Also I’m all about the leather hat. Always have been, always will be.

No clue what her straps say but I love a fun party dress and may or may not be biased because she stars in my all time favorite show. GURL POWER.

Boldest color on the carpet and she’s pulling it offfffff.

This is so classy and elegant it almost doesn’t belong at the CMA’s.

I LOVE THIS. Princess vibez for life.

Obviously Luke always looks good even though he only sings slow sad songs now and he never shakes his ass in a backwards hat anymore. RIP. Gone2Soon.

I dig that the older generation of country went for elegant ballroom looks. Keeps things spicy amongst the sparkles and cowboy hats.

This should be known as the red carpet blog of penance as I’m giving kudos to those who I constantly shit all over. Scotty, your jacket is sparkly and I’m into it.

Saved the best for last obv.