Playlist

The Breakup Boohoo’s

I make a lot of playlists with pick-me-up lyrics or peppy foot stompin’ beats because what I love about music is that it has a real way of lifting people out of the dumps and making you want to groove. But sometimes you very much want to exist solely in those dumps and wallow in their stinkiness. And never a discriminatory playlister, I made this one for you. It’s equivalent to popping on The Notebook when you need a good cry. Get in touch with this playlist when you want to sob your face off and feel sorry for your single-never-gonna-find-true-love ass. Then when it’s done, mop up your snot, take a shower, put on a red lip and pop on over to my Bitch, I’m Limited Edition playlist for a confidence boost.

1. Dreaming With A Broken Heart – John Mayer. I’ve never hidden my very public boner for John Mayer’s album Continuum as a whole piece of art that I want to crawl inside of and listen to on repeat forever. It also, happens to be a breakup album. Turns out ole Johnny boy really hit his stride when he was in heart turmoil. I wish he hit his stride by playing it in full when I saw him in concert last year instead of choosing to play it for dirty NYC instead. But obviously I’m not still holding onto that bitterness (I 100% am.) Every song off of this album is amazing–except Waiting on the World to Change because I’m not a hippie. However, nothing quite screams depression like his very detailed description of what it’s like to sleep when you’re heartbroken and wake up and remember that you lost the love of your life. If you’d also like a visual of that to really make sure your heart feels full of holes, look no further than this performance to it from So You Think You Can Dance (100 years ago.) The male lead in it is now the official DJ of The Ellen (soon to be cancelled) Show.

2. Everybody Hurts – R.E.M. I honestly had forgotten completely about this song until I read a romance novel last night cleverly titled “Beach Read” (10/10 would recommend) and the guy blasts this song at his birthday party and gets roasted by his soon to be love interest REAL hard for how depressing this song is. And it’s SUCH a quintessential cry song. I mean even Dwight Schrute popped this classic on with his windows rolled down in the parking lot when Michael Scott was giving more attention to Ryan the temp. Sometimes when you embarrassingly have tears streaming down your face, it’s comforting to know that EVERYBODY CRIIIIIIIEEEESSSSS.

3. It’s All Coming Back To Me Now – Celine Dion. I’ve never been more confident in my car concert performance skills than I am with this song. I will never ever get the words right no matter HOW hard I try to learn them, and yet people are MOVED by the notes I’m able to hit right up there with my girl Celine. This song is all about emotion. You breathe deep from your belly and let that sadness and regret come screaming out. Crying can certainly be a therapeutic release, but nothing will ever top the buildup of AND I BANISHED EVERY MEMORY YOU AND I HAD EVER MADEEEEEEEEEEE to go back down to a soft sadness of “but when you touch me like this.” I got goosebumps just thinking of it and now I think I’ll need to take my car for a spin down I-90 for a little cathartic Celine solo sesh.

4. What Hurts the Most – Rascal Flatts. Nobody knows heartbreak like country singers and that seems pretty obvious. This one’s a heart-wrenching song about trying to get through each day but the worst part being the regret. Oof. Let that tasty nugget sink in and simmer in your overactive brain before bed. Nope, just me? Cool, cool, cool.

5. I Don’t Know You Anymore – Savage Garden. About 0.01% of you will know this song. In fact, I would go out on a limb here and say about half of this playlist is obscure sad songs. I really dug deep for this. And that’s exclusively because this playlist is subjective and since it’s my blog and I write whatever I feel like writing about, I get to do that! I get to force the songs that I’ve cried to for years right in your faces and say HAH, check out these sobworthy tales that you may have never discovered before. Savage Garden became my crying CD (I believe they only made one) via my sister Nikki. Shoutout to her for passing down the sad. Whenever mom and dad were mean and punished me or a boy tripped me instead of smiling at me when I had a raging crush on him, I smashed play on the ole Savvy G. They just GET me, yaknow?! Just kidding, they just happen to have mellow delicate voices that soothe a sobbing pre-teen into a lull and make her relate her dumb 11 year old problems to adult tales of loss and abusive relationships (Two Beds and a Coffee Machine will make you want to rip your eyeballs out from sadness.)

6. Someone Like You – Adele. Ah yes, the fiery Brit with pipes beyond belief who started churning out breakup songs right out the gate. Nothing will make you sit and ponder life and stare out into the abyss like a deep Adele song. Even though I’m anticipating what type of music glow-up Adele will be releasing into the wild in the near future, this is a nice nod to her early days on the scene. Her voice is like a warm cup of tea that you immediately want to cry into.

7. Happier – Ed Sheeran. Honestly just hearing the beginning notes of this song makes me want to immediately burst into tears. Having someone love you so much that they just want to see you happy is the ultimate thing and YET that’s nearly impossible. WHO THE HELL WANTS TO SEE THAT? I’d rather go blind than see someone I was happy as a clam with being happy as a clam with someone else (probably on social media because that’s where people want to show that they’re SUH hAPpY.) Obviously this is why I’m a terrible human being and Ed is a phenomenal one. He even displayed this selfless unconditional love via puppets and balloons in the music video. A puppet could never date a balloon anyway so it’s for the best that she left his ass.

8. Reminds Me of You – Van Morrison. Normally when I make mixes I sprinkle the sads throughout and what I’m realizing is that having a playlist JUST FULL OF SADS is probably how people end up offing themselves. Please don’t do that. Crying is good. Wallowing with ice cream is encouraged. Watching a movie on Netflix where SPOILER ALERT you know the ending has the lead dying in the twin towers on September 11th (shoutout Remember Me) so you don’t have to see a happy ending is self-care. Listening to the depressing crooning of Van Morrison reminding you that everything in your life reminds you of your ex lover is NECESSARY.

9. You’ll Think Of Me – Keith Urban. This is a nice balance from Keith. It’s a little bit of GFY, mixed in with some feeling down and out. Keith has been cheated on and he’d like to remind this hussy ass ho that one day she’s going to circle back to him with regret and love and he’ll be like HAH no thanks. And that’s a nice mentality to have. An even better mentality to have, is thinking for SEVERAL years that he was singing “take your cat and leave my sweater” and that was HIGHLARIOUS to me. I think I grew to love this song even more just from believing that Keith was telling his girl to kick rocks and take her stupid cat with her too. Since I cannot stand the existence of cats, leaving one behind in a breakup seems like a normal thing to do because cats are assholes and probably would just hiss at you if you ever tried to cry and snuggle with them anyway. Nobody wants that cat. Or, if you finally google the lyrics for accuracy (10+ years later)…nobody wants that cap. Who the hell says CAP anyway?! It’s a hat, Keith. Or for our friends up north, a toque.

10. Breathe – Melissa Etheridge. I was scrolling through my iTunes library and had completely forgotten about this gem of a song. When I refreshed my memory with a play, I couldn’t fathom a boohoo playlist without it. I don’t think there’s ever been a MORE dramatic chorus than “I’m all right, I’m all right, it only hurts when I breathe.” Can you IMAGINE saying that to someone’s face. Like hey how ya doing? Oh I’m alright, it only hurts when I breathe. I LOVE THAT. I LIVE FOR THE DRAMA. This seems like something I would’ve written in my middle school journal. And I KNOW for a fact that I used it as an AIM away message. Everyone buzz off, the act of being alive is hurting me right now.

11. Amnesia – 5 Seconds of Summer. I thought it might be nice to hop from a rock n roll lesbian who my parents can’t get enough of, to an edgy boy band with a variety of shades of neon hair. Something for everyone to get their sad face on to! This song that this band 9000% did not write grapples with the idea of wishing we could just erase our brains completely because having memories makes heartbreak one trillion times worse. A little Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind for your eardrums.

12. Hurts Like Hell – Wrabel. This one can probably go hand in hand with ya gurl Mel. Not only does it hurt when I breathe but it HURTS LIKE HELL. This is for the lingering case of the sads that lasts for several years and WOOF does that suck. Bet Wrabel wish they had amnesia, amirite?!

13. Drunk Me – Mitchell Tenpenny. I try to stay away from substance abuse when I know a stiff breeze could make my eyes unstoppable waterfalls of sadness and Mitchell seems to feel the same way. He’s not really into drinking when he’s going through a breakup because booze brings out all his emotions and also THERE AiN’T nO HaNGoVeR like you, gurl. And ain’t that the truth. Also, I genuinely get crippling hangovers and fun fact: alcohol is a depressant so getting more sad the day after is typically how that bitch ruins your weekend and you end up needing to turn on Teen Mom to see someone who’s struggling harder than you so you can find the strength to get up off the couch and make some Kraft Mac & Cheese.

14. Walking on Broken Glass – Annie Lennox. Yeah I could be shouting out our current lady popstars who know how to twist the knife BUT it seems like today’s generation is much more forgiving and less about the poor me’s. And that’s great and all, good for them, girl power, THANK U NEXT, I needed to LOSE you to LOVE me. But first, I need the wah wah’s. I need to feel V. sorry for myself before I can snap my fingers and declare that everything I need is standing right in front of me as I look in the mirror like Demi Lovato. And that’s where Annie comes into play. Annie’s like this sucks so bad it literally feels like I’m stepping directly onto shards of glass. YES, QUEEN. First we cry and make everyone feel sorry for our hardships, and then we sweep that glass up (when we’re ready and done feeling our feels) and pop in the Kelly Clarkson tell-off anthems.

15. Let Her Go – Passenger. Naturally songs are one of those things that can transport us right back to a place that we heard it first or a time in our life. This song brings me back to Fall of 2013. I had just graduated college and was living in an apt in Saratoga Springs with my dad and I was the MOST unemployed. (Kinda like now, it’s the CIIIIIRCLLEEE OF LIIIIFEEEEE.) Every morning I would get up, make myself a cup of coffee and turn on VH1 because they played music videos in the morning and I would start my job searching for the day. This song was hot to trot in their artsy new releases on VH1 (yes I realize I just admitted being into the morning equivalent of TRL in 2013, but I LOVE MUSIC VIDEOS, SUE ME) and it played quite literally every single day. And every time I heard it I teared up. What a sad ass song and this guy, who I can only assume never released a song again, has the sad ass voice to go with it. Either way, I soaked in the sad as I tried to convince someone to hire me. So whether it’s 2013 or 2020, you’ll find me crooning AND YOU LET HER GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO as my laptop becomes soaked with tears.

16. Incomplete – Backstreet Boys. Historically speaking country crooners have been the best at relaying their heartbreak and typically somehow involving alcohol (cough cough whiskey lullaby) but a hat tip to the boy bands as well, because you’ll be hard pressed to find more dramatic sadboi lyrics than this song right here. Plus, 5 guys singing their hearts out about swimming in an ocean all alone really packs a punch. I think the appropriate way to blubber to this song is on your knees staring up at the sky while it downpours directly into your face. Tears mixing with rain. You’re welcome. Without that visual, your life was incomplete.

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17. I’m Never Getting Over You – Gone West. Gone West put out exactly one album before they broke up as a band and ironically enough, it was two couples who had formed together and one of the couples also broke up. And even more ironically, their album was all about breakups. SO GONE WEST KNOWS A THING OR TWO ABOUT HEARTBREAK. Absolutely recommend giving their album a listen because they’re not all downers (shout out Confetti for being an upbeat breakup tune) and also because you’ll apparently never hear what they sound like as a band ever again. Colbie Callait and her bubbly ass ruined everything and I’ll never get over it.

18. Someone You Loved – Lewis Capaldi. I’d liken Lewis to a little bit of an Ed Sheeran but I’m guessing that offends him. But he is British just like Ed and does have some orange-ish unfortunate looking hair like Ed. And also he’s a phenomenal singer-songwriter. This one became a smash this past summer and made me want to curl up in a ball and die every time I heard it. In all of the good ways, of course. Like when the day bleeds into nightfall and you’re ALONE.

19. Un-Break My Heart – Toni Braxton. This is such a cocky way to be sad and I respect Toni for it. It’s not like ugh my life sucks and I’m walking on broken glass and I’ll probably die alone. It’s like no you better come over here and fix this. You did this. Reverse-REVERSE it. That wasn’t at typo. Ever since the Cupid Shuffle was beaten into my brain at middle school dances and weddings with shitty DJ’s I’ve been physically incapable of saying the word reverse without shouting in my head REVERSE, REVERSE! So now it’s time to get funky with it and un break Toni’s G-D heart and uncry her tears because far too many have been shed and I’m SICK OF IT.

20. The Scientist – Coldplay. I’m not sure if there’s anything that sounds more like giving up than “take me back to the start.” Thank you so much Chris Martin for giving us that gift along with “no one ever said it would be this hard” because you know what? There’s no adequate warning for how much being sad sucks until you’ve lived through it. It’s impossible to go back to the start though (cause, science) so let’s get right in our feelings and sob our way through.

21. Gone – *NSYNC. I’ve used this song on my Boy Bands Slow Jamz playlist (shameless plug, another sick mix of tunes) but it’s so heart-wrenching it deserves to be recycled on here. When you have five guys harmonizing over why you left, you know they must be sad. WHAT DID THEY DO TO MAKE YOU LEAVE?! Seriously though, if you’re all out of tears at this point, the least you can do is nail JT’s howling OHHOHHHOHHHOHHHHHH at the 3:50 minute mark. Make sure you get up in the high register at the end with a little rasp. Never mind…I’ll take it from here. Nothing brings me more joy than playing JT’s part in this song going from depressed as hell to angry and repeating what everyone else is singing with an aggressive tone. SITTIN HERE. TO GET YOU OFF OF MY MIND. MY BEST TO BE A MAN. Ok I’m done. DONEEEE.

22. All Too Well – Taylor Swift. I realize that Taylor just released an entire album of sad and dramatic breakup songs and almost all of them could make this ugly cry list (lookin specifically at exhile and my tears ricochet) and that obviously she’s written a bajillion breakup songs and there’s a reason why everyone thinks she’s just a big ole serial dater crushing hearts left and right…BUT…there is only one breakup song in Taylor Swift world that trumps them all. And there is only one breakup song ever that is quite possibly the greatest masterpiece of all time. And it is All Too Well. The details of falling in love and basically tying it in with the leaves dying in the fall…I mean, she made a breakup a SEASON. And rightfully so. The dramatics of the piano and getting REAL heated and the sadness when she drops back down again to remember it all too well. I could talk about this song for the rest of my life and it still wouldn’t be enough. I’ve performed it solo in my car, hands slamming on the steering wheel even more than I’ve screeched Celine’s flashes of light. I’ve used the lyrics when I wanted to get a dramatic point across. And when I went through my own breakups, I ugly cried my damn face off to it remembering my own moments singing in the car (this song ironically) getting lost upstate–she was OBVIOUSLY singing about upstate NY. This is the pinnacle of breakup boohoo songs, so do yourself a favor and lay there like a crumpled up piece of paper and let the loss of Jake Gyllenhaal (or whatever dum dum who dumped you and will never compare to Jake) course through your veins.

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Playlist

Summer Daze

It occurred to me when I was shamelessly plugging my bomb playlists before 4th of July weekend that I didn’t have the most ESSENTIAL summer playlist, a country one. I’m not sure how this has slipped through the cracks since I’ve spent the last 10+ years cranking up country at the first whisper of warm weather with the windows down. My sister finally put her foot down after we tried countless country playlists on Spotify and were annoyed at the selection. So here we are–better late than never– bringing a little life back into 2020 with a banging summer playlist. It’s no summer palooza but it’ll be a pretty hawt substitute for it. Bump this for the variety of summer adventures you’ll embark on–pool day, lake day, BBQ, bonfire, WHAT HAVE YOU. It’s time to honor the genre of music that sings about farming, shooting, drinking & babes. And if you crave a longer version that you can leave on for a full day–look no further than my Spotify (username: julia.giantomasi) where you’ll find the Uncut edition of this playlist that is 13 hours long…along with every other playlist I’ve made so don’t say I never gave you anything.

1. Long Hot Summer – Keith Urban. Obviously I’m going to kick off the playlist with my favorite musician to lovingly razz about his middle-age female sense of style. No one quite pulls off capris, chunky boots and a sensible haircut like Keith. And at the same time he delivers the tastiest guitar licks and has given us endless bangers through the years. This is on the more recent end of his catalogue and was the first song I knew needed to be included in this playlist as it captures everything that is magical about summer…except bare feet on the dash.

2. 99.9% Sure (I’ve Never Been Here Before) – Brian McComas. This one might be a headscratcher as to why it’s included and I’ll tell you why. My older sisters were the trendsetters for everything in my life growing up and when they started getting into country music, it was no different that I would immediately copy them. This was the very first song that they became so obsessed with, it was on repeat in our house and since it’s catchy as hell I was like YUP, I’m all in on country. My parents (not country fans) were less than pleased with this, but realized they were outnumbered and resorted to making fun of lyrics but tolerating the constant country being played. I felt it was necessary to include this song because without it, this playlist doesn’t exist.

3. Drink A Little Beer – Thomas Rhett Ft. Rhett Akins. Ah, a little cross between old country and new country on this one. TR probably wouldn’t be a country singer without his dad so he invited dear ole dad to feature on his album and then took him out on tour as well. This is a deep cut but I’ve always loved the father/son combo and it’s just an all around back country hitting the overturned pot for a beat drinkin song. Plus I love that they razz each other at the end. Rhett’s like hey kid I gave you your career and your stage name, and Thomas is like HAHA you’re old though. GM’s.

4. Beat of the Music – Brett Eldredge. Brett’s about to drop new music for the first time in two years and boy have I missed him. This is a tossback to one of his first hits where he sings about an island fling. Wouldn’t it be cool to be rich enough to have island flings? I’m jelly. I did a girls trip to Nashville a few years back and one of my friends met a guy, held hands with him all night from bar to bar, stayed at his place and used his toothbrush the next morning as if they were married for 10 years and hadn’t just met 12 hours prior. That was her vacation fling. Doesn’t quite sound as romantic as dancing on the beach to live music. Brett’s got a real way with words and obviously the ladies.

5. Chicken Fried – Zac Brown Band. Listen, I know how cliche it is to include this song and yet THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT THIS PLAYLIST IS. So accept it. Chicken Fried puts asses in the seats. My favorite Saratoga band used to cover this song and every single time they did, people scream-sang the chorus and then brought it down real low for the salute to the ones who’ve died. It’s got something for everyone. Passion for KFC and also a tribute to our military. It is ‘MERICA in song form.

6. Summer Nights – Rascal Flatts. Any song that starts with a shout is always going to be a real good time. Holler if you’re ready for some summer nights? HOLLLERRRRRRRRRR. Seriously, can’t get enough of the summer nights…well that’s not entirely true. I have already had enough of the skeeters. If summer nights didn’t have skeeters looking to chomp on every inch of my skin (do you know they also BITE THROUGH CLOTHES?!) it would really be GAME ON. Sorry bout it that my skin is the sweetest of delicacies. Also, this song features one of my favorite musical treats–a clap break.

7. Drink in My Hand – Eric Church. I’ve always seen Eric as suuuuch a badass. Probably because he never takes those shades off and sings almost exclusively about drinking. He’s just got that bad boy edge to him. I love this song not only because he really hits it home with how much work sucks and everyone is just trying to get through to the weekend beers, but also the part when he says: “My head Monday morning that alarm clock sings/It goes bang, bang, bang, while it ring, ring, rings.” No clue why that’s my favorite part of the song. Probably because I’ve taken to singing it with a country twang and shouting RANG RANG RANNNGGG. I have a real knack for making something 10x more annoying. Try to unhear that, I dare you.

8. When the Sun Goes Down – Kenny Chesney Ft. Uncle Kracker. Hey guys, remember Uncle Kracker? This one isn’t an all-time favorite of mine but I felt like it needed to be included to add to the all around vibes we’re trying to throw here. Also I distinctly remember changing my AIM profile to it’s summer version and including “Everything gets hotter when the sun goes down” with a Sun emoji (the kind that you had to look up a code to create because emojis didn’t exist yet.) Obviously I was a pre-teen at the time and absolutely nothing was getting hotter for me when the sun went down. But it was fun to pretend I had a scandalous life and wasn’t just going to bed at 10 pm after roasting mallows with my parents in our firepit.

9. Pontoon – Little Big Town. What a drinking anthem this was. And then Little Big Town was like oh shit, all we need to do is sing about boozing in the sun during the day? And BAM, they released Day Drinkin’. This crew really found what people want and it’s a whistle tune with lyrics about doing nothing but drinking near a body of water. AKA the only thing you should really be doing with your summer if you’re doing it right.

10. Night’s on Fire – David Nail. I’ve always loved David Nail even though he’s not the most prolific country artist but he was one of the early ones I got hooked on. This song really kicks it up and is all about spicy summer nights with a babe soda, so I’m all in.

11. Parking Lot Party – Lee Brice. This is kind of a hard one to hear this year. There are no parking lot parties happening in 2020. So we’ll just have to reminisce back on the years when concerts were allowed and you’d go on a sweaty summer night to an amphitheater in your town, guzzle brewskis in the parking lot, get to your seat, pay a small loan for a tall boy that will get warm as hell in about 20 minutes of gripping it and grooving to your favorite band. Nothing compares to a summer concert and the tomfoolery that takes place in the parking lot beforehand. This year I was supposed to see both Old Dominion and Thomas Rhett live in June to kick off my summer and obviously that didn’t happen. I considered buying a Thomas Rhett tee at Target the other day to pretend like I saw him live and bought merch. Obviously I’m not taking the news well. Hopefully by next summer we’ll be tearing up a few parking lot parties again.

12. Somethin’ Bout A Truck – Kip Moore. I’ve had fantasies about my other half being a southern gent who drives a truck for quite some time. Stephen on Laguna Beach further made me hornier for a pick up truck when he whipped that white one around town between Kristin and LC’s houses. Tim Riggins sealed the deal when he not only had a truck, but opened up Riggins Riggs with Billy to work on trucks. Obviously, I’m super into a man who trucks, which is why Kip Moore has really painted a nice picture here. Trucks are sexy and will 100% of the time lead to skinny dippin. Thank you for your service, Kip.

13. Red Dirt Road – Brooks & Dunn. Another nostalgic add. This is such a classic country song. Dirt roads, beer, truck, Jesus, a wholesome chick named Mary. It doesn’t get anymore country than that, yo. I’m so glad he got Mary back again. I would’ve been crushed if he didn’t. This song is like driving through your hometown all wrapped up neatly with a guitar groove and I love it.

14. Feels Like A Party – LOCASH. This is the portion of the playlist where we dabble in what h8ers like to call “bro country.” These two sound like they probably fratted out HOARD in college and they’re singing about a rager. Don’t get me wrong, I love turning up for a good time and that’s exactly why this song is on here. Cause “it’s only 8 and the speakers are banging” is the SIGN of a good partaaayyyy.

15. Something Like That – Tim McGraw.  Remember how I told you the tall tale of how my parents hate country music and would chirp us for the silly lyrics when we refused to turn it off?! I distinctly remember my mom coming at us hot over this one. She’d go oooOoOhh “BBQ STAIN ON A WHITE T-SHIRT?!” in a mocking voice. Like the Spongebob meme 15 years before it existed. They also weren’t too fond of she thinks my tractor’s sexy–a classic in it’s own right–although let me be perfectly clear a farmers tan will NEVER be sexy. Tim McGraw hitting the NEW in New Orleans, will on the other hand, always be sexy. What a DILF.

16. Barefoot Blue Jean Night – Jake Owen. Ahhh this song will forever remind me of high school. Not because I was popular and cruised to the riverside every night to drink with the cool kids, but because I was super into waxing poetic about wanting to be young forever, as everyone is in their youth. It felt like being a grownup was SUPER far away. Those were the golden days.

17. Runnin’ Outta Moonlight – Randy Houser. Have you ever met a more romantic stud than Randy just wanting to take his boo out on a clear summer night for some truck bed star gazing?! What a dreamboat he is. Don’t keep him waiting! After listening to this song I might need to add star-gazing in a pickup to my bucket list.

18. Anything Goes – Florida Georgia Line.  These two bozos have gotten a lot of flack since they hopped on the country scene and brought in hip hop influences and features on their tracks. They were told they weren’t real country. Now everyone collabs with house beats and rappers and popstars so it’s a moo point, but fist bump to them for sticking it through because I don’t know what I’d do without them. Mostly because they always wear disgusting outfits at awards shows that I can make fun of. Also because they strictly made party country songs for the first few years and I bumped them non-stop, including this one.

19. American Style – Old Dominion. Would’ve been cool as hell to see OD live this year but WuTeVeR. Not bitter or anything. This is a nice post-4th of July reminder that this country is full of a bunch of cool things like ferris wheels and leather jackets. I mean, they have them in other countries too but are they really AS COOL? Nah, son.

20. Country Girl (Shake It For Me) – Luke Bryan. There has never once been a time where this song has come on and I haven’t given it my all on the dance floor. I realize that there’s also almost NEVER a dance floor when it comes on. One time I got up on the ottoman in my living room and broke it down. When I saw him perform it live, I scooted out into the aisle so I had more space to really break it down. It is my number one, all-time, favorite country song. It helps a LOT that Luke Bryan is a backwards hat wearin, hips shakin babe and watching him shake that money-maker only inspired me to do the same every time I hear the starting beat of this song. This may be my boldest statement yet, but I know I out-perform Luke on this number. I encourage him to invite me onstage to put my hips where my mouth is and prove it once he can start touring again. I became a country girl when this song came out, shaking it for the catfish swimming down deep in the creek and I will never stop. Play it at my funeral and I betcha my corpse will shimmy out of the coffin for one last country girl shake.

Back in February (our last pre-corona bangarang weekend on the town) my sister captured my most recent performance, or so I thought–turns out she captured me slowing down and turning to tell her I was out of breathe. If I’m struggling that hard to breathe, IMAGINE HOW HARD I WAS DANCING when she wasn’t filming! Also, peep that guy next to me wondering why the hell I ran to the dance floor to dance by myself.

No seriously…never not talking about how hard in the paint I go for Country Girl Shake it For Me…Try to stop me. YOU CAN’T.

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Music, Playlist

Bitch, I’m Limited Edition.

This is for anyone who’s having a day (or a life) where they’re feeling down about themselves and need a quick reminder of just how awesome they are. I need this reminder more days than most but let me tell you, a quick rotation of songs that tell me how hot, cool, funny and unique I am, songs that remind me that I can do anything that I put my mind to? That shit works. Just listening to one of these songs gives me a burst of confidence and self-love so there’s no telling what I’ll do after a whole playlist full. Coincidentally, feeling insecure or defeated can sometimes come with a breakup, therefore I’ve peppered in a few dust yourself off breakup songs that I’ve enjoyed and related to over the past year as well. If you’re not going through a breakup, this playlist will still make you do a high kick and want to stunt all over your haters. Regardless of where you are in life, hopefully these songs will reinforce that you’re the bomb.com. OWN IT, ho. (I use this as a term of endearment, I’m really on a hot streak with it ever since I learned via The Last Dance that Michael Jordan repeatedly called his teammate a ho while bullying him to be a better player. MJ might have intended for it to be mean, but it made me laugh and therefore I’m normalizing ho as a name we can call our friends when we’re keeping it real.)


ME! – Taylor Swift Ft. Brendan Urie. Some might say because of my years-long obsession with Taylor Swift and anticipation of this single, I related to it a little TOO hard when it was finally released. I jammed out to it every chance I got and then to take it an annoying step further, would use it as an excuse for why I am the way that I am. If I did something obnoxious that would illicit an eye roll, I would immediately back it up with  well, you can’t spell awesome without me! No one enjoyed it but I felt like it embodied the awkward weird girl who may struggle with confidence and need a reminder sometimes that there’s no one out there like me and THAT’S WHAT MAKES ME GR8! Thanks, Tay. I mean, the song literally starts out with I know that I’m a handful. Like did she write it about herself or about me? So for anyone whose a real dramatic disaster mess, that’s what makes us FUN!

All I Do Is Win – DJ Khaled Ft. Ludacris, T-Pain & Snoop Dogg. This is an all-around feel good jam coming from a place of over-confidence. If you’re ever looking for someone who toots their own horn, look no further than a rapper. They will have no trouble telling you about all of their money, cars and women lining up to bang them. And sometimes, that’s just what you need. You need to believe that you’re rolling in money, winning every single day, even if you’re very unemployed and living with your parents. I’ve used this song on one of my other playlists but it deserves a repeat. Plus, we just taught my 3 year old niece the chorus and I’m happy to give her another opportunity to show her madd skillz in throwing her hands in the air–UP DOWN, UP DOWN, UP DOWN. PS no hotter opening flow than LUDACRIS GOIN IN ON THE VERSE CAUSE I’VE NEVER BEEN DEFEATED AND I WON’T STOP NOW. You TELL EM, Luda!

Bathroom Floor – Maddie & Tae. Here’s a post breakup joint that I discovered while dabbling around YouTube and I’m so glad I did. Although it directly references crying from a breakup, I think it can be applied to anytime you’re knocked down. Get up, wash your face, put on a fab outfit and hit the town. Obviously this doesn’t apply in the current state of affairs but as soon as the world opens back up again, you best be getting up off that bathroom floor, gurl. Also, can confirm this is a great song to dance to.

I Love Me – Demi Lovato. It’s possible that the release of this song is what became the catalyst for making this playlist. Ya girl Demi has BEEN through some shit in the past couple of years and is very open about her struggles, so when we she released “Anyone”, her first song in over a year, about basically her lowest point, it was a very emotional song to listen to (may or may not have cried in the shower a couple times to it.) But then her follow up song is THIS. And I’m like GO OFF, QUEEN. It shows just how easy it is to get into down in the dumpster lows, but you have to remind yourself why you’re great to pick yourself up out of those lows. SAY IT WITH ME: I’m a ten out of ten even when I forget! Basically Demi managed to put a therapy sesh in song form, and for that I am grateful.

Soulmate – Lizzo. Lizzo busted onto the scene a year or so ago in a BIG way. I’m not referring to her size, I’m referring to the size of her confidence, which is what made her so infectious. I could’ve easily put every single song off of her album on this playlist because they all spout self-love, acceptance and badass confidence. There’s a reason people can’t stop captioning their selfies with her lyrics (guilty as charged.) She’s full of catchy one-liners to describe feelin’ ourselves. This song reminds us that if you don’t love yourself first, you’ll be hot garbage in a relationship. Lizzo puts it much more eloquently, of course. For example, “I know I’m a queen but I don’t need no crown.” Tysm, Lizzo.

Love Myself – Hailee Steinfeld. I added this knowing full well that it’s a controversial tune, but it’s 2020 baby, time to embrace it. This song is 1000000% about masturbation. Like there’s no dancing around it, the lyrics are plain as day, this gurl is DJ’ing in her bed singing about how she don’t need a man to orgasm. That being said, it’s a fire song and just so perfectly fits this theme. Although it may be nice sometimes to have somebody else in bed, do you really NEED them? Hailee says no. SCREAM YOUR OWN NAME! Ok, I’ll stop making you all uncomfy now.

***Flawless – Beyonce ft. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. For anyone who’s not already a fan of this song, this is going to be weird to listen to because of all the soundbytes Yonce decided to toss in. Between the announcer voice at the beginning and end and ya gurl Chim giving a Ted Talk on feminism, it’s a lot to handle. But IN THE BEST WAY. This song is powerful as hell and gave us the cocky as shit phrase “I Woke Up Like This.” As soon as this album dropped and all of her pink font merch was appearing, I raced to the closest Etsy page selling knockoffs (I’m not about to pay full inflated price for a black tee with pink letters ironed on–that’s robbery) and ordered myself a tank top that just said FLAWLESS across the boobs. The first tank I received had a hair ironed into the letters. I cried. But when I received the replacement, I wore that tank constantly, usually unshowered and looking less than flawless–something my dad was all too pleased to point out. And you know what? I just flipped my hair and screamed BOW DOWN, BITCHES.

Not 20 Anymore – Bebe Rexha. Beebz has taken a lot of heat through the years about her “curvy” body. Obviously she’s petite & skinny and probably has a six pack but she also got an AZZ on her. As someone who busted a hole in clothing items twice in a six month span just because baby got back, I can very much relate. Bebe has been outspoken about what size she is after designers refused to make her red carpet looks because she’s a size 10 and has tried to create a platform around body positivity for the youths looking up to her. I saw her perform live last summer and was blown away by the amount that girl was dropping it low and bopping all over a stage like it was going out of style. At one point her backup dancer literally kicked her but those thicc thighs of hers were ready to take the hit. So praise her and her body confidence and beating out all insecurities women have about getting old. Twenties are for insecure losers, the big leagues start at 30 when you age like a fine wine and feel comfy in your skin. (I’m using her lyrics to tell you this, because I’m not yet 30 and therefore a very insecure loser…fingers crossed next year I’ll be like OMG YES 30 is the greatest age alive rather than feeling old as dick.) Shoutout to Bebe for also dropping this heater on her 30th. Typically I hate when girls post thirst traps, like we get it, you’re hot (eye roll) but I liked that this was a big FU to everyone who calls her fat. Check out that fAT AzZzZZ.

 

You Need Me, I Don’t Need You – Ed Sheeran. I think the best part about this cocky “I’m the best” song is that it was one of the first songs Ed even released. He wasn’t the superstar he is now, he was an unknown UK singer/rapper, couch surfing and he’s like I don’t need any of you, I’m THE stuff. And he wasn’t wrong. I like that kind of fiery hot confidence right out the gate. It shows you that confidence is nothing more than telling yourself you’re awesome and then trying to convince others the same. Sounds so easy, right? He was basically Babe Ruth calling his shot on becoming a massively famous musician, selling out stadiums. And then he made it come true. Let that be a lesson, y’all. Also, Ed’s always been a wordsmith but hands down one of his greatest lines comes from this song right here–they say I’m up and coming like I’m f*cking in an elevator. Boom. Roasted.

Limitless – Jennifer Lopez. Shows you just how much of a megastar JLo is that she made this song as basically a throwaway for one of her movie soundtracks and it slaps this hard. I’ve written about this song before because I wanted her to perform it in the Super Bowl, so I don’t want to be repetitive for my super fans who read all of my blogs, but this is just a classic pump yourself up lady jam. Not saying guys can’t enjoy it too but there’s something about “I am a woman who roars” that seems to resonate more with the ladies. If there’s ever a doubt about if you can do something, look directly to JLo for inspiration. She’s 50 and THRIVING, Mama. Never give up.

Nightmare – Halsey. Coming off the high of being limitless, I decided to toss in this bangpiece that doesn’t necessarily directly relate to confidence boosting but should get you real fired up. It’s a little on the dark side, but that’s what we love about Halsey. She’s gritty and she isn’t afraid to tell you to F off. This is a GREAT song to scream sing in the car, I can attest to POPPING off more than once to I DON’T OWE YOU A G-D THING. What a rush that is to tell someone off, even if it’s just the inside of your vehicle.

How To Be Lonely – Rita Ora. Sprinkling in another post-breakup tune that I’ve enjoyed jamming to. Puts a real positive spin on the rock bottom feeling that heartbreak serves. It’s like when people say they feel free after a breakup. Like, I lost a human being who loves me, but now I can really focus on myself and do whatever I want. The bitter bitch in me wants to roll my eyes at things like that, but I’m trying to be less bitter so I’ll give Rita a chance here. Maybe the benefit of losing someone is that you learn to get comfy with being lonely. I’m not QUITE there yet, but I’ll keep working at it and bopping along to this sick beat.

Fight Song – Rachel Platten. Another war cry for anyone who just wants to stop trying. YOU’VE STILL GOT A LOT OF FIGHT LEFT IN YOU. So stop being a wiener and start being a warrior. I think that’s probably what Rachel was trying to say when she wrote this song.

Up – Thomas Rhett. I know this playlist focuses heavily on the *strong and sassy, independent women* tuneage, but I wanted to make sure I was including great male songs too even if they are far outnumbered–it’s only natural that I relate more to the female variety. TR gave us this positive track off his last album and it’s literally impossible to have the Debbie downer feels while listening. Life’s just a big ole rollercoaster and if you’re down right now, get ready to go up. I of course am still waiting for my ride to the top but TR has taught me to appreciate it more when I finally do get there because I REALLY know what it’s like to be in the pits. Seriously, any day now. I am ready and waiting for that skyrocket UP.

Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You) – Kelly Clarkson. Kelly Clarkson started her career on single girl anthems and that’s probably exactly why she became a megastar. She kicked that curly-headed f*ck Justin Guarini to the curb and was all Miss Independent. If she didn’t let From Justin to Kelly ruin her career from the very start, what doesn’t kill you truly does make you stronger.

Strip Me – Natasha Bedingfield. I’m not gonna let Natasha only be remembered for creating a song that will forever be tied to LC driving her Mercedes with the Hollywood sign in the background. This is a lesser known Natasha song but a whole lot more powerful than soundtracking a scripted reality show with “the rest is still unwritten.” Obviously she didn’t write the song with Lauren Conrad in mind, but you get the point. It’s another casual feminist anthem about always having a voice. So even if you lose everything else, they can never take your voice. Even if you use it to talk shit about celebrities and put out playlists on the internet.

Titanium – David Guetta Ft. Sia. This counts as another male appearance on the list even though Sia carries the song. This is the almighty goal here–no, not to physically have a robot body–but to care so little what people think or say about you that it just deflects off of you. That’s supreme level confidence and self-love that you don’t give a flying F what people think about you. Fire away, FIRE AWAY!

Castles – Freya Ridings. I heard this song on the radio this past fall and it was a day where I was thinking about how much everything sucked, feeling defeated and it was one of those rare moments that you don’t really get anymore (sorry radio, but you’re a dying medium for music discovery) where a song comes on randomly and it’s exactly what you need to hear. I remember feeling a surge of energy and relating the lyrics back to my broken heart as we all do when we’re being dramatic and feeling all the feels. Oh, what’s that, you’re doing great without me WELL I’M GONNA BUILD CASTLES AND BE MORE THAN YOU EVER THOUGHT I WAS. It was all I needed to feel better in that moment as I told off the pedestrian crossing in front of my car through song. Again, still working out the kinks on building that castle, it’s possible I need a few more rotations before I can really take action on that. But when I finally do, it’s over for you hoes.

Headlines – Drake. Again with the theory that no one brags on themselves better than rappers. Drake has basically made a career out of talking about how great he is, of course sometimes it comes at the expense of others–RIP Meek Mill. This is a throwback to OG Drizzy because I just love to point out when people are “overdosed on confidence” right from the start. It also gives me the opportunity to remind everyone of 2015 when I had an app that just responded to texts with Drake lyrics and boy was that a time to be alive. I wrote a whole blog on it because I too, was overconfident in my early blogging days, writing blogs where I literally texted myself for hours to get the right graphics. Check that out HERE for a giggle and a reminder that every once in a while it’s important to say something douchey like, “drinking every night because we drink to my accomplishments” to remind everyone around you what a boss you are.

Hold On – Wilson Phillips. I mean there really are no words to describe this classic and it’s timeless message. Other than imagining Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph interpretive dancing the chorus in bridesmaids dresses, you should also let the ladies of Wilson Phillips tell it like it is. They understand that life is a dumpster fire sometimes but you just hold on for one more day. And that’s all you really need to remember from this playlist. Having confidence or self love isn’t going to stop bad shit from happening, sometimes you just gotta fake it til you make it and keep waking up each day ready to fight. Whoa. Did I just get real deep?! You bet your ass I did. We all need a boost sometimes. I hope that this collection of tunes for the soul helped even just a little bit.

Also, not for nothing, but I listened to this playlist on my first attempt at a 15 mile bike ride the other day and it was a REAL rough situation between bugs, pollen, heat and going against the wind and there were several times I considered just sitting on a bench for a while or walking my bike back to my car and giving up, but quite literally every single song on this playlist pushed me to keep going. So even if you have confidence through the roof and you’re crushing life all day erreday, at least you know that this playlist can push you through a shitty workout where you want to throw up and die. YA WELCOME.

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Music, Playlist

Quaran-tunez Dance Party

Let’s have some real talk. Things suck right now for a whole lot of people. There’s death and anxiety and uncertainty and for us who are just sitting at home, we’re feeling cooped up but also feeling like we can’t complain about it because there are people out there busting their asses to save lives and make sure the planet isn’t wiped out. It’s a pretty depressing time all around and boy oh boy do I know a thing or two about depression. You know what I also know is a cold, hard fact though? That it is completely IMPOSSIBLE not to smile or laugh while you’re dancing. Dancing is such a weird concept. You flail your limbs around to music and sometimes people just sit there and watch and sometimes people join in and also throw their extremities around. How can you NOT be entertained by that? Ever since I’ve made it my life goal to perfect ONE dance video (read about that HERE), I decided to kick things off with a bangin playlist for a Quarantine Dance Party, because you have to have a GIANT dump in your pants to not feel happier after getting your groove on. It’s scientific fact. PS – I’m no fitness expert but go ahead and count this as a workout because I was VERY sore after learning my first TikTok dance and that has to count for something. JIGGLE TIL IT HURTS Y’ALL.

1. Can’t Stop the Feeling – Justin Timberlake. It is beyond weird to me that this song was created for a children’s trolls movie because it is without a doubt JT’s best dance banger. (Overall best song is Mirrors and it ain’t even an argument so don’t come at me.) I mean it’s literally in the title, I can’t stop the feeling that I want to boogie my face off when this jam comes on. It was released a few weeks before my sister’s wedding and when the DJ played it, I happened to be in the bathroom and I quite literally cleaned up shop and came charging out so I wouldn’t miss a minute of dance, dance, dancing.

2. Party in the USA – Miley Cyrus. Though this song requires much less fancy footwork and much more seaweed arms, it’s still a requirement for every party. Party can’t start in the USA until Miley hops off the plane at LAX. Kicks aren’t required for this dance party but encouraged if it makes you move better without falling because you have hardwood floors or something. Not that I would know from experience or anything. Please don’t sue me if you fall and injure yourself from dancing so hard to my kickass playlist.

3. Come Alive – Cast of The Greatest Showman. It’s no secret if you’ve read this blog before or listened to my pump it up playlist that I have a very large boner for the movie The Greatest Showman. I don’t even like musicals and this one had it all that even a naysayer like me who thinks breaking into song mid conversation is ridic won’t stop talking about it three years later. If I ever need to be in a good mood, I slap on this soundtrack and pretend I’m a performer in PT Barnum’s circus. This one really gets the juices flowing because it’s the beginning of the movie when they’re all excited and ready to rock n roll, just like you are at your dance party. It’ll make you want to snap your way over to a door and kick it right down.

4. Want to Want Me – Jason Derulo. Couldn’t have a dance off without JAY-SuNNn De-ROOOO-LOOOOWWW (sing in autotune voice or get the hell out of my face.) There has never been a more out of place pair than when my sister and I decided to go see Jason for a free concert at the NYS Fair, showed up several hours early to get seats and wait on a disgustingly hot August day, almost got edged out of our seats by concert bullies and then took part in a group learning of his “skeerrttt PULL UP” dance move. You’d think learning moves from Jason himself would make me a natural, but alas, I’m still white.

5. Barcelona – Ed Sheeran. It’s important for everyone to hear this. I revisited Ed’s Divide album the other day on a bike ride and what a PIECE OF ART that thing is. Ed went from dropping irish jigs about his grandparents getting married on the Wexford border, to rapping, to showing his hispanic flair on two tracks and then bringing it way down with some sobsies break up and love songs. Let it be known that Ed has THE MOST RANGE. I went from wiggling my hips off my bike seat, swerving all over the road to feeling like I needed to pull over for a good cry because HE WAS HAPPIER WITH YOU, YOU TROLLOP, AND YOU’RE DATING SOMEONE ELSE NOW! Anyway, got carried away there. The point of that long-winded story is to tell you why I needed this deep cut on my dance playlist. It’s under-appreciated, I LOVE a latin beat I can swing my hips to, and sometimes I just really need a man calling me mamacita to spice things up. Te Amo, Ed. Gracias por esta canción que me dan ganas de bailar. Besos.

6. Queen of the Night – Whitney Houston. OooOhhHh Shit we needed some Whitney to take things to the next level. When I asked my sister which Whitney song to choose, we listened to each one and each one made us want to jive so it was really a tough decision that had to be made. But that’s what I’m here for. To make the tough decisions about what song I should force you to dance to. And Queen of the Night just has that undeniable 80’s beat right from the top. So make yourself the Queen of your kitchen and sing into the slotted spoon while you do the running man.

7. Forever – Chris Brown. I’ve used this on one of my playlists before and typically my hard and fast rule is that I don’t repeat songs across playlists/blogs–and since I’ve been shoving these playlists at you for 5 years, that’s actually become quite difficult. BUT THIS SONG DESERVES A REPEAT. Not because of Chris Brown. He sucks and honestly I wish he didn’t create this masterpiece because we’re supporting a dirtbag by listening to it. But IT IS A MASTERPIECE. It’s pretty much the best dance song of all time and honestly if you get married and don’t have this at your reception, I hope your marriage ends in divorce because that’s what you deserve for leaving out the staple that created the JK Wedding Dance entrance and subsequent parodies, especially Dwight Schrute kicking a bridesmaid directly in the face hole. The end.

8. Please Don’t Stop the Music – Rihanna. It’s no coincidence that the songs are in this order. Get all your CB grooves out and then swiftly move on to the QUEEN. The SURVIVOR. Ri Ri has taken a whole lot of years off and I really think she’s due for a comeback, but also nothing will ever top 2007 Good Girl Gone Bad Ri Ri. Pre-Chris Brown dumping all over her face and her life. She was just releasing dance smashes and over pronouncing umbrella and life was good.

9. What A Man Gotta Do – Jonas Brothers. I like to say that I’m not a huge JoBros fan and all but I genuinely have become one with their comeback. Those bros know what they’re doing and they’re killin the game. This is my favorite song that they’ve released and they probably took a marketing class from Tay because they coincided the release with the height of TikTok and had people learn the video choreography and duet with them. Also they ripped the choreography straight from Grease but that’s neither here nor there. This song is a bangpiece.

10. Shake It Off – Taylor Swift. Since I’m such a Tay stan, I really wanted to go deep here because there’s so many jams that need love that she’s put out in her career. When I sampled some for my sister, a Tay hater, it became clear that I had to do an obvious dance hit or get the hell out of her house. So we had to go with this number. I mean it literally has its own dance move and there’s no way you can deny bopping to Taylor saying F you to the haters, PG style obviously. Related but unrelated fun fact: the weirdest thing I’ve done this quarantine was join Nikki Glaser’s Taylor Swift dance party that was literally just 400 people on zoom dancing to her carefully curated Swifty playlist. Natch, I disabled my video and only joined in hopes that Taylor herself would show up. She didn’t. But I did get to giggle at a lot of strangers dancing and dramatic lip syncing in their living room (and one real exxtra girl do some pole dancing.) Good times all around.

11. Die Young – Ke$ha. I originally had Timber on here because nothing can top the time I ran around the house scream-singing it and almost sprained my ankle but like I said, I’m very strict about my no repeats rule. So let’s love on early, trashy Ke$ha because I feel like that phase is easily forgotten now that she’s taken the dollar sign out of her name and shown us that she can actually sing without auto tune and techno beats. Also, great message here. Live your life and dance away like you’re going to die young. Because if you leave your house there’s a pretty high chance of that. Too dark? Dance it off. Inside.

12. Blinding Lights – The Weeknd. I had to give a nod to the song that my sister and I spent 2 hours learning moves to match the rhythm of LITERALLY 14 seconds. 2+ hours for a 14 second video that we did not nail. But you know what? Memories were made, we believed we got better at dancing and now when we hear this intro we break into cold sweats. WORTH IT. (If you want to dance along and learn the #BlindingLightsChallenge  infinitely faster than us, it goes Dab, sunrise, sunrise, swim, swim, spirit fingers, JUMP.) You’re welcome.

13. Toxic – Britney Spears. I mean there’s really not much I can say about this song. It marked the official turn from teen school girl Disney Britney to I have lots of sex, check out my hot bod in this see-through diamond onesie Brit. Looking back it was probably step one leading to her inevitable breakdown but what a killer classic. Hindsight is 20/20. Toxic is forever.

14. Good to Be Alive (Hallelujah) – Andy Grammer. Ya boy Andy basically took a church hymn and made it pop music. Hallelujah and shake dem hips. It’s a nice message of a song and a reminder that even though things might blow right now, at least you’re alive and dancing and that’s something to be grateful for. Did AG just make me positive?! Whoa. Let that baseline move you and you too, could become a positive Polly.

15. Let’s Get Loud – Jennifer Lopez. I wasn’t going to brag about my close personal texting friendship with JLo and not include one of her heaters. I mean she’s Jenny from the Block. She was a fly girl before she was even a singer. Girl’s got moves. If you’ve ever doubted it, look no further than her CARRYING the Super Bowl halftime show with ease–including a quick core strength upside down pole maneuver just for shits. Anyway, now that I’ve wiped the slobber off of my keyboard just from thinking about that, here’s the only song I wanted her to open with because it’s not only a crowd pleaser, but a party starter.

16. Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now) – C&C Music Factory. No dance playlist in the history of dance playlists can exist without this B screaming EVERYBODY DANCE NOW. So just do what she says, yo. If you’re not sweating by this point, you’re not doing it right. I used to have a gym unit that was literally called Jiggle Til It Hurts and the teacher (who called me Maria for all four years of high school, nbd) would nazi-style yell at us to keep moving like it was FM Hornets Boot Camp and not 5th period gym class where girls wear rolled up Soffe shorts and didn’t want to be sweaty or ruin their hair for the rest of the day at school. I hated that block more than anything and guess what Miss Cauley, I’VE BECOME YOU NOW! I want to see you all serving your best dance moves until this music stops OR ELSE.

17. Pop – N*SYNC. I get that I’m kinda double dipping with the JT here but deal with it. Sometimes you just need a beatbox breakdown to catch your breathe because you feel like you’re going to die because you’ve been dancing for an hour straight. This was when N*SYNC got edgy and Justin shaved his head. They were in a CLUB in this music video. What a time to be alive.

18. Dynamite – Taio Cruz. Remember this MF’er?! Taio deserves a shout out and the closer for this playlist because no one knows where he is now but he created the annoying habit of repeating things 4 times in 2010 and that was a whole lot of fun, fun, fun, fun. Just wrapping up our dance party with some good vibes and our hands in the air. Hopefully this playlist made you dance, dance, dance, dance, smile or even just laugh at the fact that you were wheezing after one song like you just ran a marathon. Just me? Whatever.

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Playlist

Millennial Gurl Pop Anthems

It’s been far too long since I’ve made a random playlist, told you to listen to it and written something relating back to myself about each song. I bet you missed it. Don’t lie. Recently I’ve been diving back into the world of 2000’s she-pop music. It all started with JLo and Shakira rocking the halftime show, then Jessica Simpson was like hey y’all I’ve been an alcoholic for my entire life and I wrote a book about it and I was like welp guess I need to start rotating her hits again and it spiraled into a 7 hour playlist of every girl pop song I grooved to from ages 11-19–basically these ladies raised me and I wanted to reminisce on those times. SO NOW YOU GET TO AS WELL! (Guys too. Don’t even for a second pretend you didn’t have these songs in heavy rotation.) To show just how dedicated I am, I busted out the ole CD’s to get into the song selecting mood and also feel like it’s 2005.

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A timely drop for Valentine’s Day because these ladies either sang about being in love or telling their boo to kick rocks so there’s something in here for everyone on this year’s VDay. ENJOY.

1. With You – Jessica Simpson. This was peak Newlyweds (how I’d like to memorialize each of them forever in my memory) and when Jess really started to lean into being a real dum dum. The song was basically about being yourself in a relationship and the video featured all of the things she was directly razzed about from their reality show. Calling a Platypus “plat-amuh-pus”, chicken or tuna, buffalo wings, her boobs getting in the way when she golfed, how she hated cleaning and was a real dirtbag to live with. It’s everything we love about Jess and what made her relatable and WHY THAT SHOW SHOULD STILL BE AIRING TODAY. Rest in Peace, Nick & Jess, Newlyweds Era.

2. So What – P!nk. Ah, another classic music video that tells the exact opposite story as the one before. Pink even references ya girl Jessica Simp in this song–GrL PoWeR! I’ve always had a soft spot for this song because of the story behind it. Pink was known as the badass B who didn’t fit in with the rest of the pop princesses but she was cool as hell with it and then she was dating Carey Hart who was like Bad Boy personified in his motocross lyfe. But then they broke up and she wrote this song and was like whatevs I’m still famous so we’ll be alright. PLOT TWIST THOUGH, she’s actually a softie and when she went to make this video she reached back out to Carey for the first time since they’d broken up and asked if he would be in the video AND HEARTS FLUTTER EVERYWHERE because him appearing in this video led to their reunion. What a great love story. She yells at him in her music video and he’s like k let’s get back togets and now they’ve been married for 13 years. Since I’ve always been a music video nerd I remember watching a behind the scenes (probably on TRL) where Pink was so nervous to have him onset that she had to get a little buzz on and LOOK AT THEM NOW. Also, goes without saying this song bangs.

3. No One – Alicia Keys. Taking it doooooown a notch with the soulful Alicia Keys. Nowadays you can find Alicia using her calm zen voice and piano playin talents to host the Grammy’s but honestly nothing has really changed about her. She wails on the keys and makes you want to close your eyes, bop your head and try to hit the highest of notes. Which obviously, I can. In my car–solo concert style.

4. Behind These Hazel Eyes – Kelly Clarkson. Kelly is queen of the breakup tell-off because that’s basically all she released for her first few albums that I listened to on repeat and just felt so UNDERSTOOD. Justin Guarini must’ve done a real number on her, that curly headed f*ck. This is one of her best numbers to scream sing to and I highly encourage that you do so. HERE I AM ONCE AGAIN just hits harder if you’re screaming at the top of your lungs.

5. If You Had My Love – Jennifer Lopez. Obviously I just did a whole blog dedicated to JLo’s hits and what I wanted her to perform at the super bowl–she performed 4 of those songs so shout out to JLo for reading my blog and being a woman of the people. Regardless, I’m not going to yap about the same songs here because that would just be redundant for my avid Salty Ju followers. Also, I could’ve picked any Jenny song and it would be a homerun. This particular tune is Jenny telling her mans how it’s gotta be because she’s not about to date a sleazeball. Ironically, the video (yes I’m going to reference basically every music video because this was the music video era and they all delivered the drama) is just a creepy guy sitting on his couch watching JLo dance around her house on his computer, watchmewatchu style. Yoikes not a turn I was expecting the song to make when she’s telling you to not mess this up, installing cameras in her house and peeping on her from afar is probably the quickest way to do that, sir.

6. Everything – FeFe Dobson. My homie FeFe wasn’t necessarily a heavy-hitter in the pop world like your Britney’s and your Mandy’s, but she holds a special place in my heart for when I was going through my punk pop phase and therefore I felt the need to give her a shout even though she pretty much disappeared after one album. If you look her up now, she’s apparently still making music but her instagram scared me, honestly and she’s married to a guy whose aesthetic is tattooed alternative cowboy rapper, so I’m out on that. Let’s just focus on the time period when she turned “do do dooooo” into actual lyrics.

7. Cry – Mandy Moore. I guess Mandy Moore does her best work when soundtracking a movie because I was deciding between Center Stage Mandy or A Walk to Remember Mandy for her feature on this playlist. Both wildly different stories and wouldn’t you know I went with the depressing one. Tearjerker classic A Walk to Remember was on TV a few weeks ago and I find myself equal parts ashamed and proud to admit that I could still recite the dialogue out loud word for word. Mostly because there will never be a more cringeworthy exchange than having a guy say I’m going to kiss you and replying “I might be bad at it.” Oh Jamie, you kiss virgin nerd bomber. Thank you for making me feel better as I laugh at you on my couch very much unemployed watching a 17 year old movie in the middle of a weekday. Either way, when Landon stares out at the water in the end SPOILER ALERT and says our love is like the wind, I can’t see it but I can feel it and you hear Mandy begin “I’ll always remember”, that’s a surefire way to have a single tear roll down your cheek. Thank you, Mandy.

8. Whenever, Wherever – Shakira. Even though I boo’ed the TV when Shakira came on first at the super bowl halftime show and I shouted DID JLO CALL IN SICK?! I still love Shakira. I just love JLo more and wanted a full JLo-Bowl with no interruptions. And I think that’s ok. I love Shakira but not like half-time show sort of love. I can still appreciate dem hips and self awareness for small boobs. Shaki paved the way for body confidence noting that it was lucky her breasts are small so they’re not confused with mountains. And you know what, same gurl. I’d never want someone to think my rack is the Alps cause that would be weird as hell.

9. Complicated – Avril Lavigne. You’ll notice that I’ve sprinkled in a few punk pop galz because at the end of the day, no matter how badass they tried to seem, anyone who tried to call themselves punk in the 2000’s were really just popstars who wore more eyeliner. Avril gave us the gift of incorporating a sassy uh-huh into a song and for that we should forever be grateful. But seriously, why ya gotta make things so complicated? Just chill the hell out. AND TELLLLLLLLL MEEEEEEEEE.

10. Hollaback Girl – Gwen Stefani. Ah, this brings me back to my 8th grade school trip to Cleveland (because Cleveland counts as a vacation destination when you grow up in Syracuse) and all my rich friends who had their first iPods bumped this beat on the 6 hour bus ride so we could all flirt by sharing earbuds and spelling bananas. CLASSIC. Also the DJ at Turning Stone popped this off a couple of weekends ago and several adults lost their shit so it’s a timeless jam that I can confirm we ladies still stomp our feet like this to. CAUSE WE AIN’T NO HUSSY HOLLABACK GUUUUUUUUURLZ. (Also lolz to the time period when Gwen only hung out with a Japanese posse called her Harajuku girls. What a time to be alive.)

11. Irreplaceable – Beyoncé. I could’ve included a Bey club beat here, but my heart told me to slow it down and sass it up with this one. This was Thank U, Next before Ariana was just a twinkle in her dirtbag father’s eye. With just one dubz finger pointing movement, Queen B told her man to take everything he own in a box to the left and get the hell out of her house. Before there was Becky with the good hair or BOY BYE, there was TO THE LEFT, TO THE LEFT and I think that’s an important lesson to remember. No matter what age Beyoncé is, she’ll always remind you that she’s a strong goddess and you ain’t shit without her.

to the left

12. Boyfriend – Ashlee Simpson. We couldn’t shout out Jess without Ash, otherwise Ash would get all emo again and be like I’M LIVIN IN THE SHADOW, OF SOMEONE ELSE’S DREAM. Wah, wah, wah. This bop is less I’m jelly of my sister for being more famous, and more shut your face because I didn’t steal your boyf and isn’t that just so much more fun?! Makes ya wanna hop around and shake ya boyfriend-less booty.

13. Beautiful – Christina Aguilera. I’ve been having a real soft spot for the lady slow jamz on this mix. Sometimes you just wanna belt out and be in your feels and nothing puts you in your feels more than whispering “don’t look at me” before singing about how beautiful you are, probably in the mirror after a few hundred glasses of wine. Judge me, I don’t care. WORDS CAN’T BRING ME DOWN.

14. Come Clean – Hilary Duff. I can’t have an anthem playlist without the anthem for rich high school idiots who live near a beach. Just kidding, disassociate this song from Laguna because it’s a heater all on its own and has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with 16 year olds who spring break in Cabo. There’s no nostalgia quite like hearing the beginning weird whistle sounds of this song and knowing that you’re about to let that rain fall down.

15. Lucky – Britney Spears. Brit has had an entire career pre and post shaved head breakdown of smash hits and yet none of them are on the same playing field as Lucky. Lucky is the one song that unites us all. It’s so incredibly stupid and yet it’s the best storytelling song out there, complete with actual knocks on the door. If you don’t act this song out start to finish–beginning with a dramatic AF “this is the story about a girl named Lucky” then I don’t even want to know you as a person.

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Music, Playlist

Pump It Up Playlist

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve forced a weird / random playlist down your throats and I think it’s about damn time we revisit this faaabulous Salty Ju feature. Mostly because I’ve gone back to the gym–if we classify going back to the gym as my annual realization that my pants are suddenly too tight after seasonal depression binge eating, jorts szn is quickly approaching, I should probably get my $10 a month worth of Planet Fitness and also give myself an excuse to buy some new jazzy workout leggings to flex how good I look in athleisure. EITHER WAY, I’ve needed some bangerz to keep me at the gym for more than 15 minutes every few nights and to drown out people like the lady who announced loudly that she goes to the gym twice a day-morning and night.

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Anyway, I spent a whole day of work going through my entire iTunes lib trying to pull songs that I hadn’t heard in a long time that were fast paced. I ended up with a 3 hour playlist. Don’t you even worry, I’ve narrowed it down to bless your ears with only the best of the best. If working out isn’t your thing, I respect that. Pop this bitch on when you’re looking to feel pumped up for anything in life. Going out? Want to have an at home dance party? Get jazzed for a road trip? I gotchu.

The Greatest Show – Cast. This song should kick off every playlist going forward. No joke I wish I was still in college when it came out because it would make a GR8 pregame jam. How can you not instantly be in a great mood when you hear the stomp stomp WHOA-OHH-OH-OHHHHH? I had it as my morning alarm for a while and I shot out of bed ready to take on the day. Also terrified because that’s kind of a jarring way to be pulled out of a deep slumber but I DON’T CARE. GIMME ALL THE CLAP BREAKS. Also the song basically becomes a whole new song when Zac Efron pipes up so 2 for 1 special, you’re welcome.

Stronger – Britney Spears. Let a little OG Britney up in ya ears. I feel like this one sneaks under the radar. Obviously Brit’s school girl uniform and latex red body suit stand out in your memory but let’s not forget how she made a metal chair look sexy in this music video. Chair dance Britney paved the way for snake Slave 4 U Britney and EVERYBODY KNOWS IT.

It’s Still Rock And Roll To Me – Billy Joel. They don’t call him the hitmaker for nothin, folks. Even his sad piano jams put me in a good mood because he’s such a legend. Just selling out stadiums on the reg, tickling the ole ivories. Whatta life.

I Drove All Night -Celine Dion. Even though I can crush It’s All Coming Back to Me Now even better than Celine probably can–I’m talking high notes & passion only, I will literally never get the lyrics down–I can still appreciate Celine’s other bangerz. This one has a powerful message. Celine wanted some, so she drove through the night to get it. And because she’s still a lady, she was like is that alright? OF COURSE IT’S ALRIGHT, GURL. GET AFTER IT.

Days Go By – Keith Urban. Lucky for Keith he has the perfect mix between rock and country because he shreds the guitar, so he basically only puts out fun songs. It was very difficult to choose just one of his so I went with a classic that never gets old. The original version of YOLO, if you will. YA BETTER START LIVIN RIGHT NOW.

Get Buck In Here – DJ Felli Fel Ft. Lil Jon, Ludacris, Diddy & Akon. Look, let’s not beat around the bush here, I’m white. Not like white but can still hang and has a little flavor, like cream cheese white. I look like a real nerdbomber when I try to rap along to songs but you know what? That sure doesn’t stop me from trying. I’ve realized that Luda is essentially the only rapper I can keep up with and I’ve latched onto that real hard. This is where I shine. Right here. I’m like Emma Stone rapping to All I Do Is Win when Get Buck In Here comes on. Plus, like, any song about too much booty speaks to me on a whole other level.

Fighter – Christina Aguilera. Not only did I have a pretty badass dance to this song in middle school for my hip hop class (if you’d like to see my equally as badass camo costume, click here) but also it’s a pretty underrated Xtina song. When it came on the other night I had to physically stop myself from tossing out some Aguilera hands and belting out the riffs. Trying to make fun of the weirdos at the gym, not BE one, amirite?! But if you’re listening to this in the car and you’re not doing Ag-hands then turn it off because you’re not doing it right.

Nobody But Me – Michael Bublé. I’ve always loved Bubz a normal amount from him soundtracking bascially The Wedding Date in it’s entirety and also from just being an adorable little Canadian crooner whose always in a suit. I recently had to learn how to love him extra hard because he’s basically my boyfriend’s number one crush in this world (aside from Tim Tebow) and we went to his comeback tour concert. And let me tell you, whatta guy. He can tell a dirty joke then immediately transition into a full orchestra high-note hitting class act. One of a kind. This was one of his songs I recently discovered and it never fails to get the hips a’movin. It’s the Bub Daddy with a little hip-hop flair.

No Church In the Wild – Jay-Z Ft. Kanye West & Frank Ocean. The beat on this song makes me want to get up and move regardless of if I look like a moron. Plus it was used to show total debauchery in The Great Gatsby, which allows me to remind everyone of a time when I called everyone old sport after that movie came out and I thought it was hilarious. Great times all around, Old Sport. Lastly, I’ve always wanted to post a picture captioned “Sunglasses and Advil. Last night was mad real.” But unfortunately I’m not Kanye West doing lines off of a girl’s skin so it has never been truly justified. Maybe this summer will get crazy. Who knows, Old Sport. Who knows.

Swerve – Florida Georgia Line. These two bozos basically invented the hip hop/country combo deal and they’re still cashing checks on it 5 years later. People are like you guys know you’re not real country right? And they respond by releasing an album titled “Can’t Say I Ain’t Country.” Touché.

Timber – Ke$ha Ft. Pitbull. Although I never condone Pitbull and his ability to make a career off of singing “dalé” in any song he’s featured on, I forgot just how fire flames this song is. When it first came out I almost sprained my ankle dancing around the house to it so you know it’s the real deal. Never thought I’d say this but I miss that dirty bird Ke$ha.

Chasin’ After You – O-Town. Always weary of a boy band comeback, I was pleasantly surprised by this one ESPECIALLY since they ditched their star power, Ashley Parker Angel. Remember that baby face with spiky blonde hair? I gasped when I found out. How could they possibly proceed without him? Well turns out all you really need is a good pop song and it doesn’t really matter who is singing it because I couldn’t name one current member of O-Town if I had to.

Don’t Stop Me Now – Queen. Queen’s on a real hot streak lately ever since the movie that Rami Malek won an Oscar for and didn’t even thank Freddie Mercury, WHO HE PORTRAYED. I’m happy to join the bandwagon. I think I forgot how many Queen songs I knew until I saw the movie and I immediately started cycling their beats back into my regular play. SING IT TO ME, FREDDIE!

 …Ready For It – Taylor Swift. There was no way we were gonna sneak outta here without some TayTay and I hope that I’ve chosen correctly. Just kidding I know that I have because I’ve spent the past year going ARE YOU READY FOR IT in a dumb voice every time I want someone to get pumped up for something. You’re welcome, everyone around me.

Till I Collapse – Eminem & Nate Dogg. I was told by a trustworthy source that a pump up jams playlist CANNOT exist without Till I Collapse. So even though the ONLY words I know in this song are the actual title, I’m very willing to toss around some rapper hands and nod my head intensely as Em & Nate Dogg do their thang.

Breathing – Yellowcard. My emo side peeking in here, I’ve already previously declared my love for Yellowcard and any punk rock band that dares to toss a violinist in the mix. Even though I wore out their concert dvd (lost it), I still need a good head bang every once in a while and Breathing is just the trick.

Get Another Boyfriend – Backstreet Boys. I feel a little guilty that there’s no N*SYNC on this playlist but if we’re being honest, BSB always had a little more street cred and that’s what we needed here. A rough and rowdy tune about a girl being a dumbass.

We Run This – Missy Elliott. Remember the classic flick Stick It about gymnastics? I was obsessed with it in high school. I quoted it preeeetttyy regularly and wanted to dabble in gymnastics just because the lead actress made it look so kewl. This song was featured in the movie and it just makes you want to do a front handspring into a back flip into a split leap then stick the landing. Ya know? For realz though, I used to rock the shit out of a cartwheel and I literally can’t even attempt one without breaking both arms clean off of my body anymore. Same with a back bend. I encourage you to have a glass of wine or two on a Friday night and attempt to do a back bend/bridge on your living room carpet. My family all individually tried this feat and it ended with my mom peeing her pants from laughing so hard. Quality entertainment. Spoiler Alert: *bridges only work if you can lift your own body weight clear off the ground through core strength* Tough stuff, lesson learned.

Sucker – Jonas Brothers. HEYYOOOOO gotta include the JoBro’s comeback. Not because I was ever a JoBro stan but because it’s catchy as hell. I already blogged specifically about this song and their complete destruction of the curly-headed virgins, so no need to be redundant. See my thoughts HERE.

Nice For What – Drake. I don’t have one single clue what these lyrics are. I somewhat gathered that it’s about ladies and female empowerment?! Mostly because the video featured a bunch of famous lady actresses. Also we’re going to gloss right over the fact that Tiffany Haddish, America’s MOST annoying voice (it’s no contest, don’t even try to debate me on this) is featured because this beat is infectious and makes me want to groove like nobody’s biz. Shout out to Lauryn Hill on that one. #Feminism.

Still Into You – Paramore. Another dip into the world where I stacked up my Claire’s rubber bracelets and posed for pics with my dad’s tie over a white beater. Hayley Williams is a classic punk rock chick with neon hair and I LOVE HER! That’s all folks. It’s just a funky song about liking someone a lot.

The Way You Make Me Feel – Michael Jackson. As you’ve come to expect, we only end on high notes here in Salty Ju playlist land. In the dance movie montage blog that I previously linked to for Christina Aguilera’s Fighter, you’ll notice that my top movie is Center Stage and this song is in their final dance which is BOSS. Seriously, if you haven’t seen this dance scene yet, you don’t even need to watch the movie just google it. It’s bananas. I digress, listening to this feel good MJ jam is all you need to feel like you too could become a professional dancer jiving around while a choreographer from the wrong side of the tracks rides his Harley onstage to pick you up. Basic stuff.

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Music, Playlist

Summer Palooza 2k17

Summer solstice has occurred and you KNOW what time it is. Three cheers for the return of SUMMAH PALOOOOOOOZA. And in great news, this year’s version didn’t start a fight between my sister and I. We are hashtag blessed that making this mix didn’t create a family divide for once* and the best season of the year may begin now. (*We’ll be sick of this mix in roughly 10 days)

I’m the One-Dj Khaled ft. Justin Bieber, Chance the Rapper, Lil Wayne. As much as it pains me to kick off arguably the most awaited mix of the year with this buffoon DJ Khaled…it’s a bangpiece of a song and that beat just screams summer and drinking. I’m willing to overlook the girl riding a horse with her tits bouncing all over town in the music video, the fact that Lil Wayne rhymed record with record three times and DJ Khaled calling himself a rapper when all he does is shout WE THE BEST and ANOTHA ONE. All for a good summer jam.

djkhaled

PS Sick purple outfit, bruh. NAHT.

Craving You – Thomas Rhett ft. Maren Morris. We will politely ignore the fact that Maren is on this song in any capacity and just groove to TR like nobody’s biz. Hey Maren, why don’t you writhe all over Keith Urban again in your hot pants and bralette onstage? PEOPLE DON’T FORGET.

Cut To The Feeling – Carly Rae Jepsen. Didn’t give our girl Carly a second thought since Call Me Maybe because to be honest, when you start out the gate with the most epic song on this planet, there’s no way you can ever top yourself. But I guess she’s back and she’s feeling the 80’s real hard so here’s this Breakfast Club beat that will never be as good as her first single.

Body Like A Back Road – Sam Hunt. This song is kind of old and a little overplayed but bonus points for it not having Sam’s weird talk/rapping in it and also triple bonus points because he’s gonna take it real slow on my curves. I mean, whoever’s curves he’s singing about. #sexstuff

Galway Girl – Ed Sheeran. SHE PLAYED THE FIDDLE IN AN IRISH BAND! It’s quite literally impossible not to feel happy when you hear this song. It immediately makes me want to do a car bomb and break into a joyous jig. It’s the song of forever, not just the summer.

Another Love Song – Ne-Yo. Hey what happened to Ne-Yo? Jason Derulo pretty much jacked his schtick but guess what…Jason disappointed us this year with some pretty garbage music lately so Ne-Yo is swooping back in to claim his R&Bizzle throne.

No Such Thing as a Broken Heart – Old Dominion. How many songs reference Jack and Diane as if they’re real human beings? I wonder if John Mellencamp gets resids every time they do. That’d be clutch. Either way, here’s some more country because it’s finally warm enough to listen to country and not be depressed AF. Also it’s a song with a nice message and it’s not just about drinking beer and fishing.

Despacito – Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee ft. Justin Bieber. I fought real hard for this number to make the cut because even though it’s 90% not in my language, it just makes me want to move my hips and I’m not sorry bout it. Shouts to JBiebz for getting two songs on Summer Palooza and also making this acceptable for American radio play with his spanglish ramblings.

Sleep Without You – Brett Young. Technically this came out a billion years ago but Brett is a real babe soda and he just wants to snuggle with a lady after she goes clubbin with her lady friends. Can’t knock a guy who lets you do your own thing and just waits for you to come home and spoon him. Actually now that I’ve typed that out he kinda sounds like a loser. But whatevs, the intentions are adorbs.

brettyoung

Remember I Told You – Nick Jonas feat. Anne-Marie & Mike Posner. We were trying to be like the youths by adding this song. I was thinking it appealed to the college aged kids but when I listened to it for a little inspiration for this description my sister’s newborn baby started cooing along to the beat. No joke. So I guess hotter Jonas appeals to ALL ages.

No Promises – Cheat Codes ft. Demi Lovato. This song is caaatchyyyyy AF. Also it created quite a stir in the news because Demi decided to rock some dreads in the video. Hey Demi, act like you’ve been famous before–everyone knows that whites with dreads offends the world. Run a brush through ya hair.

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Hopin’ You Were Lookin’ – Rascal Flatts. Rascal Flatts continues to prove that three middle aged guys who can’t sing for shit can work some real magic in the studio and release bangerz every year. I wish I could snake it that hard to be rich. I put out a banging summer playlist every year and what do I get? NOTHIN I TELL YA.

There’s Nothing Holdin’ Me Back – Shawn Mendes. Teen dream Shawn made it on b2b summer palooza’s so you know he’s legit. Honestly he could sing about farting and I would listen to it all day erreday. I just laughed out loud at the word farting. Because I’m about as mature as his preteen fans, so really it all adds up.

Give Love – Andy Grammer feat. LunchMoney Lewis. Shouts to Andy for tossing a little work at LunchMoney. We haven’t heard from him since he sang about the bills he had to pay while sitting on the can, and it looks like he got himself into shape. Just kidding. He’s still 1000 pounds. Andy still kills it at pop-tastic singles. Three cheers for consistency.

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She’s With Me – High Valley. This is the part of searching for new songs for three weeks where my sister and I pull songs out of our asses and decide that they’re summer palooza worthy just because we’re desp. Either way, it’s SUPRISINGLY UPBEAT!

Strip That Down – Liam Payne Ft. Quavo. Truth bomb: Liam’s single is the worst one from all the 1D solo breakouts plus he shits all over the group and said he hates Harry’s music. (The disrespect is REAL.) Regardless, can’t deny that this beat makes you wanna wiggle. So ignore the “I’m so much cooler than 1D” lyrics and drop it low.

Love Someone – Brett Eldredge. Can’t have summer without a new Brett jam. He’s been crushing it lately with fresh music and I’m all in on watching him serenade his pup on Snapchat every damn day until the end of time.

White Houses – Vanessa Carlton. The season cannot begin nor end without ‘Ness singing about sweaty *consensual* first times in the back of a car. (I copied and pasted this from Summer Palooza 2k16…because this song never changes. Sue me. I dare you.)

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Music, Playlist

Boy Band Slow Jamz

James Corden had it right when he declared last week that we need boy bands back. Unfortunately he followed up this announcement by joining BSB for a quick rendition of Backstreet’s Back, and proved himself wrong. Seriously, it was a little pitchy, dawgs. James probably sounded the best out of all of them. Anyway, the idea was great, execution not so much. Therefore, I decided to bring back the essence of a good boy band—multi-part harmonies and crooning about makeups and breakups. So let’s sloooow it down, late night radio style with a bunch of dudes singing about their feelings.

All Or Nothing-O-Town. I’m gonna be honest, I kind of forgot about this song until last weekend when a real hero put it on at the bar and suddenly I felt the need to dramatically sing it word for word. Unfortunately, the guy unwelcomely hitting on me at the time didn’t support my impromptu performance and while I was mid-hand symbols for “NOTHING AT ALL”, he shouted that he understood he wasn’t as attractive as other guys and stomped off. Bro really killed what could’ve been the story we told our grand-puppies some day.

I Knew I Loved You-Savage Garden. These pretty boys can always get me teary, they can make even an upbeat song sound sad. But this song really takes the cake, romance up the wazoo declaring they love a girl before they’ve even met her. That’s a real gamble, boys.

I’ll Make Love To You- Boyz II Men. Yeah that’s RIGHT. It’s not only a mix of white pretty boys with coordinated grooves. Sometimes you need a little babymakin music to set the tone. Don’t let go, Boyz II Men. Don’t ever let go.

The Hardest Thing-98 Degrees. What a cocky break up song from the hot ones, here. (98 degrees and HEATING UP) Hey I know I just dumped you and everything, but like, it was really hard on ME. Doubt it.

Still On Your Side-BBMak. This isn’t the slowest of slow jamz, but BBMak deserved a spot amongst the best boy bands. They had fab porcupine hairstyles and would take their girls’ side even when she’s wrong. If that’s not noble AF, I don’t know what is.

When You Look Me in the Eyes- Jonas Brothers. Curveball—never would’ve guessed I would toss these little wieners on a playlist. Also never would’ve guessed that Nick would be the man of my dreams with bangerz on bangerz and Joe would have blue hair and be in a band of misfits with Kevin being demoted to releasing and promoting the DNCE video game app. Let’s LOL at the fact that these curly headed bros were once singing about true love on the Disney channel.

Penny and Me-Hanson. Was it like law that we never understand what Hanson is singing? Because Mmmbop was one thing but seriously are they singing with marbles in their mouths? Something something, PENNY & ME TONIGHT! Whatevz, I love it.

Swear it Again-Westlife. Pretty sure Westlife was a one hit wonder but this song is a real keeper. So emosh and such dramatic music. Everything a girl dreams for in a serenade.

It Happens Everytime-Dream Street. This was tossed in more for comical value, but also, it’s sneaky great. These boys were literally no older than 12 years old and they were hitting those falsettos like their balls would never drop. It deserves all the snaps for introducing us to Jesse McCartney, even though he was a back row resident in the videos…probz cause of that middle-part shroom cut. Either way, I was way too old to ‘preciate Dream Street when they were a hit because there were a million better boy bands but that didn’t stop me from comparing these lyrics to surprise boners. WHAT happens every time you see me? Classic innuendos.

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As Long As You Love Me-Backstreet Boys. My #2’s in the boy band game, it was a real toss up to pick just one slow jam from BSB. Pretty grateful that after accusing my sister of stealing my No Strings Attached CD last week (she’s still denying it) she redeemed herself by sending me all of her BSB discography so that I could make this playlist. I’m not sure why she’s been hoarding so many songs but her email subject lines more than made up for it.

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Anyway, back to this ridiculous song about how all these boys need is love. So you could pretty much be a real asshole, but just love your man and you’re G2G in the Backstreet playbook.

I Can Love You Like That- All-4-One. These boys get it. Sing about some fairytale shit and we’re in. Kind of wanted to put I Swear in here but then couldn’t un-see a fat Chris Brander with retainer intact singing it. So this is a real close second.

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You & I-One Direction. It may seem that I’m obsessed with the 90’s (and that’s because I am) but I can still tip my cap to the present day boy bands and even though 1D didn’t dance up a storm, they still mastered their genre’s craft of the slow jam love song. Also since 99% of the boy bands on this mix have broken up, they now fit right in. Either way, this song gives me all the chillz. Things can totes come between the 1D boys but like nothing will ever come between my relationship with them. And that’s all that matters.

Gone-N*SYNC. Ending with the GOAT. Again, could’ve chosen a bajillion N*SYNC tunes, but I decided to go with a late pick off of their last CD. Why? Because JT owned the shit out of this song and it’s very clear as to why he is still soaking undies with just one note to this day. The ending of this song when he lets it rip? Not a dry pair within a 100 mile radius. Jus sayin. In completely unrelated news, shout out to the fact that the last time this song came on shuffle while road-trippin, my sister and I had an unspoken agreement that she would sing backup so that I could solo. She’s the real MVP. Sometimes you just know when someone needs to show their range. And just for shits, here’s the really dramatic black and white video when JT was going through his shaved head phase. (And for a brief unfortunate moment, hitler mustache phase.)

 

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Music, Playlist

Summer Palooza 2K15

Although technically summer started a few weeks ago, I present to you, this year’s Summer PALOOZA! Every year since roughly 2007, my sister and I would fire up the Limewire on our shared desktop computer and download our favorite current pop songs for a banging summer windows down jam mix. The summer palooza tradish hit a little snafu in 2013 when we had some difficulty agreeing on songs, had to make a 2.0 halfway through the summer and then 2014 we didn’t make one at all. We’ll refer to that as the year that summer never came. Anyway, IT’S BACK BITCHES and as the sis and I gathered round our laptops on 4th of July weekend, bickered over songs and hand-picked this mix like a couple of losers who were totally not about to watch the movie The Duff, I decided that this should be shared with the world. Happy Summer!

  1. Worth It- Fifth Harmony Ft. Kid Ink. A sucker for a good trumpet interlude, this was a given and a phenomenal way to set the tone of the summer.
  2. Gold In The Summertime- Matt Nathanson. We love our boy Matty, a love that has stemmed from my oldest sister being his numba 1 fan and resulted in all of us meeting him last summer for a quick Giantomasi family photo shoot. Plus it’s rare these days to find an actual summer themed song so this new release from him was necessary to include.IMG_3543
  3. Kick the Dust Up- Luke Bryan. Luke, my favorite backwards hat-tight v-neck wearin country piece of man meat is back to gyrate those hips like there’s no tomorrow with this one. FINALLY. I’ve waited far too long for another upbeat smash from Lukey and this one delivers. My friend Lindsey pointed out to me that she cringes every time he sings “let’s tear it up up” and I couldn’t agree more. I love the song but it kills me that he couldn’t have a quick round robin with the writers to find another word that rhymes with up. Then I see him turn that hat backwards and all is forgiven.
  4. Bad Girls- MKTO. MKTO is fire flames hot. They only put out hits and this is obviously no different. These two goons have a little bad girl fetish and I respect that about them. The first step is admitting you have problem. Also bonus points for the “MKT-007” line in the rap break. So smooth.
  5. House Party- Sam Hunt. Full disclosure this was a song that my sister and I had quite a tiff about. She was adamant about including it and I was adamant about enforcing the “new songs only” rule. I did a little research (right clicked the song in iTunes) and saw that this song was downloaded in November AKA it belongs on Thanksgiving Palooza, not summer palooza. Unfortunately, she won this round because it’s kind of a song that never gets old and Sam is a smoke so we’ll let it slide.
  6. Nobody Love- Tori Kelly. Tori is the TRUTH. When she casually opens wide and wails a high note for like 30 seconds in the middle of the song? Holy crap. Chillz. Plus this song is so sassy it makes me want to snap and also simultaneously break-dance in the streets. I won’t…but I want to.
  7. Lose My Mind- Brett Eldredge. Ah, Brett…YOU make me lose my mind every time I look into those baby blues. Seriously, can the walls close in when I’m stuck in a padded room with you? What were we talking about? Oh yeah, this song is good because it’s Brett and everything he does is bomb.com.
  8. Honey, I’m Good- Andy Grammer. One time I met Andy Grammer’s talent manager when I was in Italy, hammered. Apparently he found him singing on the streets and was like YA GONNA BE A STAR. Anyway, now Andy IS a star because he puts out catchy AF tunes like this one. I keep getting ready for this song to annoy me and we’re just not there yet.
  9. Worse Things Than Love- Timeflies Ft. Natalie La Rose. Cal from Timeflies is best known for his mashups and ability to freestyle rap like nobody’s biz, also he’s like, really pretty. Rez is his beat master and partner in crime. This is a brand new original song from them that I can’t get enough of. Check out Timeflies Tuesday on YouTube if you dig this song.
  10. Broke- Jason Derulo Ft. Stevie Wonder & Keith Urban. No words needed for how much I slobber over every song from Jason “I only make bangerz” Derulo. This is off of his new album that is obviously phenomenal. J’s over the gold diggers and spits the truth about mo money mo problems; he also casually throws it over to Stevie Wonder for a quick sax solo (sold.)
  11. Crash and Burn- Thomas Rhett. This little nugget has been a dark horse in the country game lately…I feel like he’s been cranking out hits the past couple of years and I love it a whole lot. Don’t know one single word to this song but that’s why we put it on the palooza, so that by August, when I’ve listened to it no less than 200 times, I have also taught myself all the words to perform solos at the stoplight.
  12. Good Thing- Sage the Gemini Ft. Nick Jonas. Absolutely no clue who Sage is, which is pretty embarrassing for him because he starts out the song with “they already know me, S-A-G-E.” First step is confidence, I guess, but Sage, nobody knows you. EVERYBODY knows Nick Jonas though and he steals the spotlight on this one. Sing that hook, baby face. Then flash me the abs.
  13. Brother- Needtobreathe Ft. Gavin DeGraw. Here’s a quick gospel insert for the summer. It’s our boy Gav, a tasty piano lick, and a nice uplifting group sing-along. Raise your arms up and sway with those windows down (only if you’re the passenger.)
  14. Wrapped Up- Olly Murs Ft. Travie McCoy. Membs Travie McCoy from Gym Class Heroes? This Bruno Mars sounding beat brings back Travie along with Olly my British crush foreva. It’s fun and infectious in case you were having too many feels from the last song.
  15. Parking Brake- Dan + Shay. We can always count on some country singers to put out a summer themed song (the very reason I can’t listen to country music during the miserable northeast winter.) These two cuties croon about macking it up in the car, summer style. Cutoffs, sweet tea, red lips, trucks and the river…they cover all the essential southern bases.
  16. I Don’t Mind- Usher ft. Juicy J. Again, we have a winter release song, but guess what? Usher sexily serenading about letting his girl be a stripper because it means she’s bringing in her own income while Juicy J shouts stuff in the background will NEVER get old. SHE HERE, SHE HERE! Now go make that money, money, money grl and make your man proud.
  17. Anything Goes- Florida Georgia Line. FGL basically only make summer songs because there can only be one season when you wear open vests 24/7. Duhs. This is their latest and it’s a typical FGL barn yard hootenanny of red solo cups full of liquor and dancing by the river…Fri-YAY.
  18. Bad Blood- Taylor Swift. This was a bit of a tussle because I’m a very diehard Swiftie and the sis is a very country T.Swift ONLY fan, so when I politely asked if I could include a jam from 1989 since I was very gracious with any song that she wanted, she had to approve the one I chose. It’s safe to say she hated every single song I played for her. We agreed to settle on this one, no remix style (I’m not buying the same song again…) FTR, Blank Space over everything….I got a hard pass from my co-mix producer though. BANDAIDS DON’T FIX BULLET HOLES, SNIFFLES.
  19. White Houses- Vanessa Carlton. When we made the first palooooza, this song was current and we loved it so hard that it earned the closing spot on every year’s mix, no matter how old it gets. I think we can always relate to mah gurl Ness losing her V in the backseat of a car at summer camp. Plus…”The summer’s all in bloom, the summer’s ending soon.” Such a poignant way to close. (That may or may not have been an AIM profile staple every.single.summer.)
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Music, Playlist

One Hit Wonders Playlist

Everyone who knows me also knows that I have a weird obsession with the 90’s. Their music, dramatic teen soaps and cheesetastic movies are where it’s at and I still find a way to work them into my regular conversation. So it was fitting that my next playlist be a 90’s throwback. Have you ever watched one of those VH1 specials and thought hey I love all of those songs? Well that’s pretty much how I made this playlist. I checked out all the one hit wonder alt hits of the entire decade and put this jam fest together for your ears. Some of them are multi-hit wonders but who cares; it’s a bunch of good songs that make you want to wear flannel and get grungy. Hope you enjoy! (Reading my blabfest for each song=optional of course.)

1. Semi-Charmed Life-Third Eye Blind Here’s a classic 3EB song that everyone thought was fun and upbeat and when you listen to the lyrics it’s actually about being addicted to crystal meth. NBD but HBD. Fun/Possibly Really Embarrassing Fact: I’ve seen Third Eye Blind in concert not once…but twice. I paid both times too so who’s the real sucker here? Great concert for drunken college kids who just want to get their feels out and mosh, might I add. However, the lead singer took it a little more seriously than that and had an interlude mid-jam to talk about how much he loves performing and going onstage and traveling the word. Yeah, yeah bro, you’re on a makeshift stage in front of a river and your entire crowd is 18-20 year olds who did shots before this and are all about to boot, let’s get back to Jumper now, shall we?

Best Lyric: “With a tick-tock rhythm and a bump for the drop, And then I bumped up, I took the hit I was given, Then I bumped again, and then I bumped again” YA DRUGZ. Slash pretty much all of the lyrics are the best because this song is catchy AF.

2. Freshmen-The Verve Pipe Is this song REALLY depressing? Yeah, pretty much. But it’s also the epitome of the 90’s alternative vibe and it would be criminal to not include it on this playlist. Heavy drug references and also pretty sure they’re singing about someone dying but hey…we were only freshman so no blamesies.

Best Lyric: “Stopped a baby’s breath and a shoe full of rice, no” WHAT does this mean. So mysterious and edgy with rice shoes.

3. I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)-The Proclaimers LOVE SONG OF THE CENTURY, amirite? This guy’s like hey I’m determined to be yours so I’m gonna sing about it. I can totes get down with that. Also this song had a resurgence in How I Met Your Mother–for all fans (pre-series finale from hell) you’ll recall this was the song that was stuck in Ted’s old car cassette player and sound tracked all of Ted and Marshall’s college adventures. Ah, the good ole days.

Best Lyric: “And when the money comes in for the work I do, I’ll pass almost every penny on to you.” GIMME ALL YOUR MONEY. Just kidding, the Proclaimers probably shouldn’t have offered that up so freely.

4. Barely Breathing-Duncan Sheik Duncan is heartbroken, guys. I’m suspecting he got cheated on because he’s being really dramats and saying he can barely breathe now that she’s gone. I’m fine with him being whiny about getting dumped hard though because he’s all sensitive and cute and it’s a good song for when you just need to let out your feels.

Best Lyric: “It must have been that yesterday was the day that I was born” The hipster songwriter way of saying “I wasn’t born yesterday” is sooo much cooler.

5. No Rain-Blind Melon This is a great song to make a funny voice and sing along to because this guy already kind of has a funny voice to begin with. Seriously, try it. So I guess I didn’t realize there’s like 10 lyrics that they just repeat over and over again until I looked it up. It’s kind of a cute love song though, bro just wants someone to hang out with and watch the rain and stuff.

Best Lyric: “So stay with me and I’ll have it made” D’awwwwww.

6. Counting Blue Cars-Dishwalla This song is kind of weird. But you know what, equal opportunity. I love it cause it’s a nice think about the world and religion jam. Why is a song called counting blue cars provoking me to think about religion? Well that would be due to the fact that they refer to God as a woman. Is God a woman? This little kid seems to think so. THINK ABOUT IT while you count dem cars.

Best Lyric: “We said, “Tell me all your thoughts on God, ‘Cause I would really like to meet her, and ask her why we’re who we are.” WHO ARE WE? WHO IS GOD? Deep, bruh.

7. Hold My Hand- Hootie & The Blowfish I decided to throw you for a loop and choose the not so obvious Hootie hit. Yes, I understand that Hootie technically were never one hit wonders and they hung around for a while but it’s not a 90’s alt playlist without them, so just let it happen. Plus now that Darius is 100% country, I’ll do anything to erase his remake of Wagon Wheel from my memory. 90’s Hootie doesn’t wear a cowboy hat; he literally just wants to hold my hand. I love a good handholding, especially coups style, so by all means Hootie, grab on.

Best Lyric: “Yesterday, I saw you standing there, your head was down, your eyes were red, No comb had touched your hair.” What a nice way to describe a girl’s dirty hair. He still wants to hold paws even though she clearly hasn’t showered.

8. Save Tonight- Eagle Eye Cherry The song that occupied many a graduation and goodbye mixes. It’s the official YOLO of the 90’s. You only have one night left together so live it up! Interesting fact that I learned from one of the Barstool bloggers on twitter is that Eagle Eye Cherry is legitimately the musician’s name, not a band name. I didn’t really fact check that, so don’t hold me to it. I basically just read something on Twitter and repeat it as fact on a fairly regular basis so you should all probably be concerned.

Best Lyric: “So take this wine and drink with me, and let’s delay our misery.” Wine is def the stuff for delaying misery, until you wake up the next morning with a wine hangover, which is the real pits.

9. You Get What You Give-New Radicals Such a feel good song from the New Radicals as they preach to keep on keepin on. This song is filled to the brim of AIM profile lyrics (aka I definitely at one point had “You’ll be ok, follow your heart <3” in my jujubean8731 aim prof. NO SHAME.) While they’re being totes inspirational they also find time to tell celebs that they hate how rich they are and will kick their ass in. Classic.

Best Lyric: “You’re all fakes, Run to your mansions, Come around, We’ll kick your ass in.” No really. RUN. These guys have big feet.

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10. Bittersweet Symphony-The Verve This one is actually depressing AF but because it’s set to some nice classical violin beats it suddenly tricks you into thinking you like adult music and you forget that they’re singing about how life is just about getting money and dying.

Best Lyric: “But I’m a million different people from one day to the next.” Multiple Personality Disorder in a nutshell.

11. She’s So High-Tal Bachman What kind of a name is Tal? Who knows, but he must be a real catch because he wrote a whole song about how this girl is basically a goddess. If I had a quarter for every time a guy was so swept away by my beauty and grace that he wrote a song all about it, I would still not have enough quarters for a load of laundry in Boston. Seriously, you guys got any spares? Anyway, Tal thinks he’s a piece of dog shit compared to this girl and I would like to see pics because this seems a little extreme.

Best Lyric: “First class and fancy free, She’s high society.” It’s no secret how much I love the term fancy-free and he rhymed it with high society. WHAT a guy.

12. Two Princes-Spin Doctors This is hands down the original Rude! by Magic. Except guess what? It’s been 10+ years since it came out and I don’t want to pull my hair out of my head when I hear it. I welcome this song, whereas after one month of Rude being on the radio I wanted to stomp on over to wherever Magic was probably meditating near incense and tell him to shut the hell up. Anyway, the Spin Doctors were like hey we’re kind of just regular guys and your dad will probably hate us but I’ve got bedroom skills and I’ll love you like nobody’s biz. Yes, please.

Best Lyric: “You marry him, your father will condone you (How ’bout that now) You marry me, your father will disown you (He’ll eat his hat, now)” Let your dad eat his hat, girl!

13. Breakfast at Tiffany’s-Deep Blue Something I can’t lie to you guys. I’ve never seen Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I get that it’s a classic and Audrey Hepburn, blah blah blah, I hate black and white movies. Whoops secret’s out. Even though I’ve never seen the movie, I still have enough sense to know it’s cute as shit that these guys are using it to pick up chicks. We both like Breakfast at Tiffany’s? BOOM. Let’s hang. Unfortunately it doesn’t work out for the best, but hey they tried.

Best Lyric: “You’ll say the world has come between us, Our lives have come between us, Still I know you just don’t care.” So dramatic. The WORLD has come between us. Settle down and watch the movie with him.

14. Steal My Sunshine-Len Here’s another one of those, hey this song is kind of quirky and ohhh wait it’s about doing drugs. Got it. Just kidding I really don’t, I just think it’s catchy. I will never ever know the lyrics to it and I’m kind of ok with it because they’re suuuuper weird. At least this chick can still spell “later” while she’s high. Don’t ever try to steal someone’s sunshine (CODE: DRUGS) though because I’m guessing that shit would get real dicey.

Best Lyric: “My sticky paws were in to making straws out of big fat slurpy treats.” HAHA sticky paws.

15. How Bizarre-OMC I mean the title of this song pretty much sums it up best. It’s real bizarre and I can only assume as a pure and innocent girl that it’s also about drugs as was clearly the trend here. Please let me know if you have some insight. Either way it’s a head bopper and I’m pretty sure it was in the award-winning flick The Parent Trap camping scene so that just makes it more esteemed.

Best Lyric: “Elephants and acrobats, Lions next monkey, Pele speaks righteous, Sister Seena says funk.” Um. Drugs, right?

16. Fly-Sugar Ray. Again, Sugar Ray definitely had more than one hit, but Mark McGrath just had a big death hoax so we’re going to cut him a break here as he comes back from the dead. Sugar Ray was so 90’s it hurts. Mark and that soul patch did things for a lot of ladies. He was also clearly pretty cocky if he thought statues crumbled for him but whatevs.

Best Lyric: “Love can make you hostage wanna do it again.” SO romantic. Hostages.

17. If You Could Only See-Tonic This is a real angsty song that I included for those days when you just want to whine it out. This guy is wah-wahing about how much this girl loves him and justifying why he’s being with her or something. He obviously never recovered/pulled it together because we basically never heard from Tonic again but this is a nice slow jam for your dramatic times alone.

Best Lyric: “Seems the road less traveled, Show’s happiness unraveled, And you got to take a little dirt, To keep what you love.” YEAH. Be a man and rub some dirt in it.

18. The Impression That I Get- Mighty, Mighty Bosstones What a zesty song. Yes I used the word zesty and I wasn’t referring to salad dressing. I was referring to a couple of guys wearing suits and ripping on the sax. Also mad props for a cool band name. Too bad they didn’t get anywhere with it. This song is about never knocking on wood so I guess these two zoot suits have been pretty darn lucky or something.

Best Lyric: “Have you ever been close to tragedy? Or been close to folks who have? Have you ever felt the pain so powerful, so heavy you collapse?” Starting off the song with 21 questions, interesting style here.

19. Closing Time-Semisonic Ah, the classic GET THE HELL OUTTA THE BAR song. Except what’s even worse is that they used to play this at our middle school dances to tell us to get outta the gym. Um, we don’t need any prompting there, guys, we have a strict curfew and our moms are waiting in the parking lot to pick us up. Anyway, another mix-up, this song was actually written about the lead singer having kids and how much his life was going to BLOW once they popped out. Kind of gives you a little perspective, huh? Take someone home from the bar STAT or you’ll waste your fun years and have to go home to your kids and wife instead so HA.

Best Lyric: “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end” I mean obviously. Like yearbook quote of the century. Mind blown.

20. Tubthumping-Chumbawamba Obviously couldn’t end the mix on a downer. This song is REAL weird but that’s what makes it so great. These Swedes are singing about drinking and Danny boy and who knows what else. You know what I learned though? It’s a great song to put on when you’re dragging while getting ready to hit the town and need to be re-energized. Cause you’ll get up again and you won’t want to be kept down. TIME TO RAGE.

Best Lyric: “Pissing the night away”-Totally a phrase that foreigners sound classy saying but ‘Muricans just sound like trash monsters.

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