Playlist

Holly Jolly Bops

I was going through the ole archives to dig up all of my Christmas-related content for some seasonal re-posting. Not only did I find that I’ve watched and written about FAR too many Hallmark movies, but I’ve only made one Christmas music playlist and you know what? That’s just not enough. We have a very short window to enjoy this joyful tuneage and really make the most of it so I thought it was about time I gave you another collection of festive songs. I’m all about the holiday cheer this year. I think just like everyone else, spreading Christmas Joy is vital for survival right now. Like if I hadn’t gone out and gotten a Christmas tree and decked my MF’ing halls I would’ve literally dropped dead of soul-crushing winter is coming and life is still terrible depression. But NOT TODAY FOLKS! Today we listen to these jingles and Christmas dance our faces off.

1. Underneath The Tree – Kelly Clarkson. Kelly Clarkson had a Christmas album that was SNEAKY full of bangers. Unfortunately it was very obvious that she was inspired by her husband–see the song literally called “Winter Dreams (Brandon’s Song)” so now it feels sad to listen to because RIP to her marriage. I guess Christmas is back to being cold and grey for K.Clark. Hopefully she gets some new man candy underneath her tree this year. IF that’s what she wants, of course.

2. Like It’s Christmas – Jonas Brothers. You’ll notice that the theme of this playlist is modern Christmas – original tune style. After listening to N*SYNC’s Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Mariah Carey’s Christmas anthem on repeat for 20 years, I decided it might be time for a switch up and started to branch out in the Christmas music game. For those of you who are more into the classics, don’t get your undies in a wad, I sprinkle some of those in too. The key thing I wanted for this playlist was to have BOPS only. Cause we all need a Christmas dance party this year. Anyway, the JoBros’ put out a real snoozer of a Christmas song this year so I rewound to their comeback cause they knocked it out of the park with this snappy beat.

3. Baby! It’s Christmas – Jessie James Decker. Fun story time! When I lived in Boston for a hot second, Jessie had just released this album and was performing at the tree lighting and doing a meet & greet in the Macy’s beforehand. As someone who has drooled over JJD since she made her reality TV debut with her hunk of a husband, I knew that I needed to be present for this Christmas kickoff to make living in that dumb city worthwhile. Another fun fact about Boston, I had 0.0 friends there. So that’s how I found myself taking the T for an hour from Brighton into Downtown Crossing, where I was immediately hit with CROWDS of people standing outside of Macy’s. And then when I snaked my way into the store, I saw that there was a line waiting to meet Jessie that went through the bottom floor and up the escalator to other levels. So instead I went back outside and took this picture when they lit the tree and listened to her sing this song live (never once laying eyes on her) and jammed out by myself like the big celebrity-obsessed wiener that I am.

4. Glow – Brett Eldredge. Brett released his own Christmas album a couple of years ago and I gotta say he really gave Bubbles a run for his money with the ‘I’m wearing a velvet smoking jacket and singing brat pack style in front of a crackling fire’ sort of thing. This is probably the slowest song on the playlist but I still think it has a jazzy fun quality to it.

5. Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town – Bruce Springsteen. Besides the fact that it’s the Boss and this is a Christmas staple, let’s focus on Bruce’s yip yapping in this one. Nothing says Christmas more than Bruce shouting over a cacophony of bells HEY DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS? OH, IT’S CHRISTMAS TIME. Ya damn right it is, Bruiser. I need to know if Clarence has been practicing real hard so Santa will bring him a new saxophone. And I need to hear Bruce scold a bunch of strangers for not being good that year. Then Christmas can begin.

6. Take Me Home For Christmas – Dan + Shay. This was a new release this year and I was grooving and getting into the spirit weeks ago. It ALMOST made me break my don’t listen to Christmas music until after Thanksgiving self-imposed rule. But I held out. And it was WORTH it.

7. Christmas Tree Farm – Taylor Swift. I have to keep it real and let everyone know that Taylor’s previous attempts at Christmas music were ROUGH. In fact I distinctly remember my dad angrily telling me to “turn this shit off” one time when her Silent Night cover came on. He was pretty fired up that she changed the entire song. And that’s anger directed at Tay for good reason. It was a no bueno cover. She finally got it right last year though. All it took was for her to go back to her PA roots and show us some adorable home videos. This song makes me want to twirl endlessly amongst a bunch of Douglas Firs.

8. The More You Give (The More You’ll Have) – Michael Bublé. Bubbles is Christmas and Christmas is Bubbles. I could’ve picked 15 TRILLION of his songs to bring da holiday noise and da funk, but I went with this one because I had never heard it until today and I got excited about discovering a new jam. When that horn section kicked up it was GAME ON! He even tossed a “Woo!” into the mix. Give it to me, Bubz.

9. Carol of the Bells – Pentatonix. I follow Scott Hoying of Pentatonix on TikTok and when November hit he was like IT’S PENTATONIX SEASON and suddenly their official account was popping oooooffff. I love that their angel acappella voices have become synonymous with the holidays. This is easily my favorite song that they do even though they’ve probably covered them all at this point and have originals as well. I literally don’t have anything else to say about it because I’m currently listening and mesmerized by all of their voices doing all of the things.

10. Bring Me Love – John Legend. This seemed surprising for crooner John Legend to have a snappy Christmas jam but I certainly don’t hate it. Also I don’t know what it says about us as a society (consumed by Hallmark movies) but it is VERY common for people to ask Santa for love apparently. Seems like it’s kind of above St. Nick’s pay grade to get you a life partner but hey sign me up. I’ve also been good this year.

11. I’ll Be Your Santa Tonight – Keith Urban. I will be the first to admit this is a REAL creepy title and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to give it a chance but my trusted advisor tipped me off to this one. It’s not as fast as the others but it builds momentum and it’s highly entertaining. Why, you ask? Oh, because Keith made sure to put the most sexual innuendos in here and now we all know that him and Nic role play as Santa and Mrs. Clause. You’re welcome, world.

12. Run Run Rudolph – Train. I wanted one solid rock out with your candy cane out song on here and that electric guitar riff introducing a song about reindeer really did it for me. Makes me wanna put on my shades and slide around in my neon patterned shorts like nobody’s biz. (Yes, I am watching the Saved by the Bell reboot, no it’s not worth downloading Peacock for.)

13. Christmas, C’Mon – Lindsey Stirling & Becky G. I used to be SUUUUUPER into Yellowcard just because they had a violin and I thought that was cool as hell. Their violinist also happened to do backflips during their concerts so that really upped his street cred. Either way, I’ve got a thing for violins in unexpected places and I couldn’t tell you who Becky G is but Lindsey Stirling makes every song she’s on better. Feel free to drop a little dramatic air violin in on this one. Just me? K, whatevs.

14. Christmas in the Country – Thomas Rhett. I love TR and tuned into the country Christmas special this year just to pretend him and Lauren are close personal friends of mine. Unfortunately it was a LITTLE too scripted for my taste, but I sure do dig a country twang spin on holiday szn.

15. Under The Mistletoe – Kelly Clarkson & Brett Eldredge. DOUBLE DIPPIN, Y’ALL. Kelly and Brett have so many great songs but then ALSO dropped this duet this year and yes please! It’s the collab I never knew I needed. Also, it’s about making out *and stuff* WINK, WINK. I mean for real, this is an actual lyric: “I wanna spend my nights so hard / How much I want you” SANTA, BRING THESE TWO TO BONE TOWN ALREADY, GAWD.

16. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) – Lady A. Another classic tune about begging not to be alone on Christmas. I’m partial to The Eagles version but that was toeing the line of too depressing so after conferring with my Christmas music advisor, we selected this surprisingly upbeat version (even though I’ve shit on Lady A a lot this year for being tone deaf b-holes.) At least they crushed this.

17. Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree – Hanson. I tried my best not to have any repeats from the original Christmas playlist I made because I wanted to keep it fresh with some newbies but honestly no one rocks around the Christmas tree as hard as Hanson. I put two of their songs on my OG playlist because that’s just how much I was a Hanson stan but truly this is my favorite version. Miss those shaggy haired mormons.

18. Baby It’s Cold Outside – Idina Menzel & Michael Bublé. I included this classic on my last playlist–Nick & Jessica style, but I’ve finally stopped wishing for them to get back together. Time to move on (her book told me to.) I like to include this song on all Christmas cheer jamfests because it’s gotten QUITE a bad rep in the past few years. Does this song sound like a rape sitch to you? The answer is an obvious no. Idina couldn’t be flirtier. Girl wants to stay. So let’s cut the shit with ruining this song–ok, everyone?! They’re both consenting adults who are just talk-singing about having an adult sleepover. LET IT HAPPEN. Also if I was on this duet with the Bubster, I would need no convincing. Just putting that out into the universe. Manifesting for 2021, if you will.

19. Winter Wonderland/Here Comes Santa Clause – Snoop Dogg & Anna Kendrick. Gotta be honest this one I kinda pulled out of my ass. I was like what’s a fun song I could toss in? And then remembered Becca (Anna Kendrick) trying to be a legit music producer in Pitch Perfect 2 and her boss being like you just make mashups and you’re never going anywhere. ZING. But she did create this magical Snoop Dogg Christmas song. And for that we are all #blessed. Take it away Snoop D-O-DOUBLE G. Give us that Christmas flow, yo.

20. Lit This Year – Florida Georgia Line. Ending on a high with FGL’s latest drinking song, HOLIDAY STYLE. They performed this on TR’s Christmas special and I started giggling like OF COURSE these two bozos made an original song about getting sauced at Christmas, and then to my own horror, I started two steppin as I was hanging ornaments on the tree. So give it a chance, IT’S CATCHY! Also, I may have taken it a scooch too literally as I got lit and proceeded to conduct a Christmas Card photoshoot solo dolo. Stay tuned near your mailbox to find out if you were a chosen one on the receiving end of my special card.

AND in case you missed it or it was blocked because Facebook and Instagram are a bunch of tightwads when it comes to using other people’s music, here’s my pride and joy this year…my first real tree! I have finally exited the Grinch regime that was my former apartment complex where for 3 years I was forced to have a tiny sad fake tree and lemme tell you, I upgraded Christmas this year HOARD. Merry Christmas from my home to yours (literally)!

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