Playlist

Gold Coast Grooves

At the end of this week I’m going West Coast so I can finally immerse myself in the land of red carpets and SUNSHINE. In order to remove myself from the grey, hoard bitch mentality that I have as a New Yorker and really get into LaLaLand mode, I decided to create a kickass California-themed playlist. And since my life is also content for the internet, I wanted to share these Gold Coast Grooves with you! (If I’m going to LA, I’ll need to play the part of influencer and that’s pretty damn obvious.) So even though you won’t be joining me on my journey across the country, you can MUSICALLY! *It is important to note that it must be REAL nice to live in a state where every musician on this earth wants to write songs about it because it’s just so warm and fuzzy and beautiful. Look up songs about New York and you’ll find gems like THIS:

God, Californians are lucky. Alright you scumbags and maggots, let’s transport ourselves to a better place, shall we?!

  1. Party in the USA – Miley Cyrus. I will absolutely not for a damn second apologize when I inevitably film myself getting off the plane to the beat of “hopped off the plane at LAX.” Miley Cyrus may have foam fingered her way out of America’s hearts with her tongue wagging loosely but she created a national treasure with this song. It’s IMPOSSIBLE to listen to it and not immediately be in the best mood so this is the perfect song to get my California party started. And guess what, I’m gonna wear the hell out of my kicks, because I AM from out of town.
  2. Beverly Hills – Weezer. CURVEBALL. Just trying to not get a big head right off the bat on this trip. California may be home to zillions of celebrities but I need to remember that I’m trash and I’ll never afford their lifestyle. In fact, I spent weeks bargain-hunting just for an economy flight to visit their state. Even though I’m the opposite of famous and basically live in a dumpster, I’ve learned from Weezer how to be aspirational and wish for the finer things. Shoe-in for instagram caption: Take my picture by the pool, cause I’m the next big thing.
  3. California Dreamin’ – The Mama’s & The Papa’s. Gotta keep it real here and say that I put this at the top of the playlist mostly to get it out of the way. It’s one of those songs that can get a liiiiiitttle annoying (a little annoying) but also hits the theme right on the nose and it would’ve been criminal not to pay my respects to my elders and include it. Also, “all the leaves are brown & the sky is grey” has never more perfectly summed up living in New York. When I was supposed to be in California this time last year (thanks Covid) it was snowing…so yeah…really dreaming it up about being safe and warm.
  4. All I Wanna Do – Sheryl Crow. Inject Sheryl Crow yapping about how this ain’t no disco, this is LA right into my veins. I love a good anthem about day drinking, especially because since this is my vacation, much day drinking will be accomplished. If I haven’t had at least one adult bevvy before noon each day, I’m not doing it right. Did I just confuse traveling to California with a literal bender? Yeah, I guess so, but I really wanna watch the sun come up on the Santa Monica Boulevard through boozy eyes. Just kidding, if I’m drinking during the day there’s not a chance in hell I’m awake past 8pm. Sheryl’s an animal.
  5. California Love – 2Pac, Roger, Dr. Dre. We’re bringing it back to another west coast classic. I know it can seem like somewhat of a betrayal to shout out 2Pac when I’m obviously an East Coaster/Team Biggie, but this song slaps so pls don’t put a hit out on me, anyone who still might be harboring rap gang rivals. I believe in world where we can love Biggie and 2Pac and also, 2Pac is 90000% in the witness protection program so, sup.
  6. Hotel California – The Eagles. REALITY CHECK TIME! Taking it down low for a hot minute to remind everyone that California is a beautiful wasteland of famous people that are stuck in a prison of their own twisted troubles. BUT OH BABY IS THIS SONG SUH GOOD that I don’t even care about the dark contextual undertones. Good news for me, I’m very much NOT famous so I can check out anytime I like and ALSO leave.
  7. California – Phantom Planet. Hi, I’m a millennial and therefore all of my preconceived notions of what it’s like to grow up in California came directly from Saved by the Bell, 90210 and The OC. Every week when I heard this anthem, I knew I was in for a whole lot of hot rich teens banging each other in mansions. I assume that’s how everyone is raised in California. I can only hope at least one person shouts right in my face, “WELCOME TO THE OC, BITCH!” If not, this trip will be a giant failure.
  8. California Gurls – Katy Perry. This song is SO incredibly stupid. Like next level idiotic. I had a random moment where I was listening to the radio in the car the other day (shout out B95) and this song came on and I burst out laughing. It was meant to be that I was reminded of this awesomely bad Katy Perry joint a week before I go. It’s a good thing too because if I wasn’t, I might’ve forgotten my bikini top and daisy dukes and then much like Miley in her kicks I REALLY would’ve stood out like a sore thumb. Can’t wait to melt mad popsicles. (The Snoop cameo on this is a cherry on top.)
  9. Hollywood Nights – Bob Seger. Alright, back to quality music. BOBBY SEGES giving us the wiggles on the tale as old as time, midwestern boy being enchanted by a California hooch. I don’t think I’d ever heard this song before I started looking for more songs to add to this playlist and I’m mad that I’m just now discovering it. Will for sure be grooving my face off to it to make up for lost time.
  10. Hollywood – Madonna. Maintaining that Hollyweird theme here’s Madonna’s take (I’m not a fan of hers but this song is catchy, so sue me.) Basically more riffraff about how no one ever leaves Hollywood and everyone wants to be a part of it. YEH NO SHIT, MADONNA. HOLLYWOOD IS GLAMOROUS AS HELL. I’ll report back if it also smells as good as she says it does. After my friend told me under no circumstances were we to visit the Hollywood Walk of Fame because it’s tourism trash hell, I’m going to venture a guess it probably smells pretty rough too. Jus sayin.
  11. Dani California – Red Hot Chili Peppers. RHCP has created an entire music library of love letters to California. I had a very hard time narrowing it down to just one, so if you fancy yourself a real California freak–check out the UNCUT version of this playlist also on Spotify. If you just fancy yourself a freak, feel free to sing “getting boned in the state of Mississippi” like I have for the past 12+ years this song has been out. No joke, had no clue he was saying, “getting born.” So yeh, I’m a dirtbag. Either way, top notch tune.
  12. Going To California – Led Zeppelin. A slow jam to be plopping on a list of party hardy beats about the best coast but it’s here for selfish reasons. I’ve always been a super geek fan of the Led Zeppelin WAIL and therefore this made the cut. Plus, I love the idea that so many people just go to California to start over. Hey my life sucks, maybe I should just move across the country to where it’s warm and try to become famous. It’s such a fascinating (and bold) life choice to me and one that I’ve definitely considered. Until I see reports about how half of the state is in flames and also the actual earth is moving and I’m like nah, I’m good. Realistically, if I had to watch awards shows in the middle of the afternoon or on a delay from the East Coast, I’d probably kill myself. Not that I’m dramatic or anything. Anyway, we got real off course there. Excited to stand on a hill in the mountain of dreams, soak it all in, and then come back to the comforts and ‘tude of good ole NY.
  13. Baby Got Back – Sir Mix A Lot. I took an artistic liberty with this one. One of my AWL TIME favorite lines is “LA Face, Oakland Booty”…not only because Blake Lively used it as an Instagram caption once and ruffled everyone’s feathers but also because I have the most BACK of anyone I’ve ever met. I’ve busted through more pants and dresses with this dumptruck than you could even dream about. I remember when this song came out, I was in middle school, taped it off of the radio, printed off the lyrics and then sang along with passion. I didn’t know it at the time (puberty hadn’t turned my ass into a round juicy bubble yet) but I had found my future King and his name is Sir Mix A Lot. Holla atcha gurl, Sir. JK you’re like middle aged with kids now probably and this turbo tush is still in its prime.
  14. Holiday From Real – Jack’s Mannequin. Andrew McMahon of Jack’s Mannequin/Something Corporate has been my favorite singer for-ev-er and back when Covid didn’t cancel live music, I used to try and see him live every year. The last time I saw him, I bought the tee with lyrics from this banger “F*** Yeah we can live like this” and now I feel like that needs to make the pack list. I’m a horrific over-packer so I’m assuming I’ll bring at least 35 outfits and wear about 4. ANYWAY, Andrew is a homegrown California boy and the uncut version of the playlist features many of his songs but this one was the vibe we were looking for here, folks. 0 F’s Given in the sunshine on vacation. I’m SUH ready to fry my brain, BAYBAY.
  15. Unwritten – Natasha Bedingfield. You’re a total moron if you didn’t guess that this was how I was going to end this California musical snack of an adventure. Is there one single thing about the state of California in this song? Abso-toot-ley not. And yet, it is the ONLY score a bitch like me needs to immediately picture LC cruising in her black BMV convertible (top down, obvi) down the coast highway and directly into our hearts. The Hills is PINNACLE LA and as someone who still owns the seasons on DVD, I plan on channeling my inner LC for this entire trip. S/O to my girl Kat for putting up with my constant pop culture references while planning this vizzy. Will I smooch Brody? Will I tell Heidi I want to forgive her but I want to forget her? Who knows…because xx tHe ReSt iS sTiLL UnWriTTeN xx
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Music, Playlist

Bitch, I’m Limited Edition.

This is for anyone who’s having a day (or a life) where they’re feeling down about themselves and need a quick reminder of just how awesome they are. I need this reminder more days than most but let me tell you, a quick rotation of songs that tell me how hot, cool, funny and unique I am, songs that remind me that I can do anything that I put my mind to? That shit works. Just listening to one of these songs gives me a burst of confidence and self-love so there’s no telling what I’ll do after a whole playlist full. Coincidentally, feeling insecure or defeated can sometimes come with a breakup, therefore I’ve peppered in a few dust yourself off breakup songs that I’ve enjoyed and related to over the past year as well. If you’re not going through a breakup, this playlist will still make you do a high kick and want to stunt all over your haters. Regardless of where you are in life, hopefully these songs will reinforce that you’re the bomb.com. OWN IT, ho. (I use this as a term of endearment, I’m really on a hot streak with it ever since I learned via The Last Dance that Michael Jordan repeatedly called his teammate a ho while bullying him to be a better player. MJ might have intended for it to be mean, but it made me laugh and therefore I’m normalizing ho as a name we can call our friends when we’re keeping it real.)

ME! – Taylor Swift Ft. Brendan Urie. Some might say because of my years-long obsession with Taylor Swift and anticipation of this single, I related to it a little TOO hard when it was finally released. I jammed out to it every chance I got and then to take it an annoying step further, would use it as an excuse for why I am the way that I am. If I did something obnoxious that would illicit an eye roll, I would immediately back it up with  well, you can’t spell awesome without me! No one enjoyed it but I felt like it embodied the awkward weird girl who may struggle with confidence and need a reminder sometimes that there’s no one out there like me and THAT’S WHAT MAKES ME GR8! Thanks, Tay. I mean, the song literally starts out with I know that I’m a handful. Like did she write it about herself or about me? So for anyone whose a real dramatic disaster mess, that’s what makes us FUN!

All I Do Is Win – DJ Khaled Ft. Ludacris, T-Pain & Snoop Dogg. This is an all-around feel good jam coming from a place of over-confidence. If you’re ever looking for someone who toots their own horn, look no further than a rapper. They will have no trouble telling you about all of their money, cars and women lining up to bang them. And sometimes, that’s just what you need. You need to believe that you’re rolling in money, winning every single day, even if you’re very unemployed and living with your parents. I’ve used this song on one of my other playlists but it deserves a repeat. Plus, we just taught my 3 year old niece the chorus and I’m happy to give her another opportunity to show her madd skillz in throwing her hands in the air–UP DOWN, UP DOWN, UP DOWN. PS no hotter opening flow than LUDACRIS GOIN IN ON THE VERSE CAUSE I’VE NEVER BEEN DEFEATED AND I WON’T STOP NOW. You TELL EM, Luda!

Bathroom Floor – Maddie & Tae. Here’s a post breakup joint that I discovered while dabbling around YouTube and I’m so glad I did. Although it directly references crying from a breakup, I think it can be applied to anytime you’re knocked down. Get up, wash your face, put on a fab outfit and hit the town. Obviously this doesn’t apply in the current state of affairs but as soon as the world opens back up again, you best be getting up off that bathroom floor, gurl. Also, can confirm this is a great song to dance to.

I Love Me – Demi Lovato. It’s possible that the release of this song is what became the catalyst for making this playlist. Ya girl Demi has BEEN through some shit in the past couple of years and is very open about her struggles, so when we she released “Anyone”, her first song in over a year, about basically her lowest point, it was a very emotional song to listen to (may or may not have cried in the shower a couple times to it.) But then her follow up song is THIS. And I’m like GO OFF, QUEEN. It shows just how easy it is to get into down in the dumpster lows, but you have to remind yourself why you’re great to pick yourself up out of those lows. SAY IT WITH ME: I’m a ten out of ten even when I forget! Basically Demi managed to put a therapy sesh in song form, and for that I am grateful.

Soulmate – Lizzo. Lizzo busted onto the scene a year or so ago in a BIG way. I’m not referring to her size, I’m referring to the size of her confidence, which is what made her so infectious. I could’ve easily put every single song off of her album on this playlist because they all spout self-love, acceptance and badass confidence. There’s a reason people can’t stop captioning their selfies with her lyrics (guilty as charged.) She’s full of catchy one-liners to describe feelin’ ourselves. This song reminds us that if you don’t love yourself first, you’ll be hot garbage in a relationship. Lizzo puts it much more eloquently, of course. For example, “I know I’m a queen but I don’t need no crown.” Tysm, Lizzo.

Love Myself – Hailee Steinfeld. I added this knowing full well that it’s a controversial tune, but it’s 2020 baby, time to embrace it. This song is 1000000% about masturbation. Like there’s no dancing around it, the lyrics are plain as day, this gurl is DJ’ing in her bed singing about how she don’t need a man to orgasm. That being said, it’s a fire song and just so perfectly fits this theme. Although it may be nice sometimes to have somebody else in bed, do you really NEED them? Hailee says no. SCREAM YOUR OWN NAME! Ok, I’ll stop making you all uncomfy now.

***Flawless – Beyonce ft. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. For anyone who’s not already a fan of this song, this is going to be weird to listen to because of all the soundbytes Yonce decided to toss in. Between the announcer voice at the beginning and end and ya gurl Chim giving a Ted Talk on feminism, it’s a lot to handle. But IN THE BEST WAY. This song is powerful as hell and gave us the cocky as shit phrase “I Woke Up Like This.” As soon as this album dropped and all of her pink font merch was appearing, I raced to the closest Etsy page selling knockoffs (I’m not about to pay full inflated price for a black tee with pink letters ironed on–that’s robbery) and ordered myself a tank top that just said FLAWLESS across the boobs. The first tank I received had a hair ironed into the letters. I cried. But when I received the replacement, I wore that tank constantly, usually unshowered and looking less than flawless–something my dad was all too pleased to point out. And you know what? I just flipped my hair and screamed BOW DOWN, BITCHES.

Not 20 Anymore – Bebe Rexha. Beebz has taken a lot of heat through the years about her “curvy” body. Obviously she’s petite & skinny and probably has a six pack but she also got an AZZ on her. As someone who busted a hole in clothing items twice in a six month span just because baby got back, I can very much relate. Bebe has been outspoken about what size she is after designers refused to make her red carpet looks because she’s a size 10 and has tried to create a platform around body positivity for the youths looking up to her. I saw her perform live last summer and was blown away by the amount that girl was dropping it low and bopping all over a stage like it was going out of style. At one point her backup dancer literally kicked her but those thicc thighs of hers were ready to take the hit. So praise her and her body confidence and beating out all insecurities women have about getting old. Twenties are for insecure losers, the big leagues start at 30 when you age like a fine wine and feel comfy in your skin. (I’m using her lyrics to tell you this, because I’m not yet 30 and therefore a very insecure loser…fingers crossed next year I’ll be like OMG YES 30 is the greatest age alive rather than feeling old as dick.) Shoutout to Bebe for also dropping this heater on her 30th. Typically I hate when girls post thirst traps, like we get it, you’re hot (eye roll) but I liked that this was a big FU to everyone who calls her fat. Check out that fAT AzZzZZ.

You Need Me, I Don’t Need You – Ed Sheeran. I think the best part about this cocky “I’m the best” song is that it was one of the first songs Ed even released. He wasn’t the superstar he is now, he was an unknown UK singer/rapper, couch surfing and he’s like I don’t need any of you, I’m THE stuff. And he wasn’t wrong. I like that kind of fiery hot confidence right out the gate. It shows you that confidence is nothing more than telling yourself you’re awesome and then trying to convince others the same. Sounds so easy, right? He was basically Babe Ruth calling his shot on becoming a massively famous musician, selling out stadiums. And then he made it come true. Let that be a lesson, y’all. Also, Ed’s always been a wordsmith but hands down one of his greatest lines comes from this song right here–they say I’m up and coming like I’m f*cking in an elevator. Boom. Roasted.

Limitless – Jennifer Lopez. Shows you just how much of a megastar JLo is that she made this song as basically a throwaway for one of her movie soundtracks and it slaps this hard. I’ve written about this song before because I wanted her to perform it in the Super Bowl, so I don’t want to be repetitive for my super fans who read all of my blogs, but this is just a classic pump yourself up lady jam. Not saying guys can’t enjoy it too but there’s something about “I am a woman who roars” that seems to resonate more with the ladies. If there’s ever a doubt about if you can do something, look directly to JLo for inspiration. She’s 50 and THRIVING, Mama. Never give up.

Nightmare – Halsey. Coming off the high of being limitless, I decided to toss in this bangpiece that doesn’t necessarily directly relate to confidence boosting but should get you real fired up. It’s a little on the dark side, but that’s what we love about Halsey. She’s gritty and she isn’t afraid to tell you to F off. This is a GREAT song to scream sing in the car, I can attest to POPPING off more than once to I DON’T OWE YOU A G-D THING. What a rush that is to tell someone off, even if it’s just the inside of your vehicle.

How To Be Lonely – Rita Ora. Sprinkling in another post-breakup tune that I’ve enjoyed jamming to. Puts a real positive spin on the rock bottom feeling that heartbreak serves. It’s like when people say they feel free after a breakup. Like, I lost a human being who loves me, but now I can really focus on myself and do whatever I want. The bitter bitch in me wants to roll my eyes at things like that, but I’m trying to be less bitter so I’ll give Rita a chance here. Maybe the benefit of losing someone is that you learn to get comfy with being lonely. I’m not QUITE there yet, but I’ll keep working at it and bopping along to this sick beat.

Fight Song – Rachel Platten. Another war cry for anyone who just wants to stop trying. YOU’VE STILL GOT A LOT OF FIGHT LEFT IN YOU. So stop being a wiener and start being a warrior. I think that’s probably what Rachel was trying to say when she wrote this song.

Up – Thomas Rhett. I know this playlist focuses heavily on the *strong and sassy, independent women* tuneage, but I wanted to make sure I was including great male songs too even if they are far outnumbered–it’s only natural that I relate more to the female variety. TR gave us this positive track off his last album and it’s literally impossible to have the Debbie downer feels while listening. Life’s just a big ole rollercoaster and if you’re down right now, get ready to go up. I of course am still waiting for my ride to the top but TR has taught me to appreciate it more when I finally do get there because I REALLY know what it’s like to be in the pits. Seriously, any day now. I am ready and waiting for that skyrocket UP.

Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You) – Kelly Clarkson. Kelly Clarkson started her career on single girl anthems and that’s probably exactly why she became a megastar. She kicked that curly-headed f*ck Justin Guarini to the curb and was all Miss Independent. If she didn’t let From Justin to Kelly ruin her career from the very start, what doesn’t kill you truly does make you stronger.

Strip Me – Natasha Bedingfield. I’m not gonna let Natasha only be remembered for creating a song that will forever be tied to LC driving her Mercedes with the Hollywood sign in the background. This is a lesser known Natasha song but a whole lot more powerful than soundtracking a scripted reality show with “the rest is still unwritten.” Obviously she didn’t write the song with Lauren Conrad in mind, but you get the point. It’s another casual feminist anthem about always having a voice. So even if you lose everything else, they can never take your voice. Even if you use it to talk shit about celebrities and put out playlists on the internet.

Titanium – David Guetta Ft. Sia. This counts as another male appearance on the list even though Sia carries the song. This is the almighty goal here–no, not to physically have a robot body–but to care so little what people think or say about you that it just deflects off of you. That’s supreme level confidence and self-love that you don’t give a flying F what people think about you. Fire away, FIRE AWAY!

Castles – Freya Ridings. I heard this song on the radio this past fall and it was a day where I was thinking about how much everything sucked, feeling defeated and it was one of those rare moments that you don’t really get anymore (sorry radio, but you’re a dying medium for music discovery) where a song comes on randomly and it’s exactly what you need to hear. I remember feeling a surge of energy and relating the lyrics back to my broken heart as we all do when we’re being dramatic and feeling all the feels. Oh, what’s that, you’re doing great without me WELL I’M GONNA BUILD CASTLES AND BE MORE THAN YOU EVER THOUGHT I WAS. It was all I needed to feel better in that moment as I told off the pedestrian crossing in front of my car through song. Again, still working out the kinks on building that castle, it’s possible I need a few more rotations before I can really take action on that. But when I finally do, it’s over for you hoes.

Headlines – Drake. Again with the theory that no one brags on themselves better than rappers. Drake has basically made a career out of talking about how great he is, of course sometimes it comes at the expense of others–RIP Meek Mill. This is a throwback to OG Drizzy because I just love to point out when people are “overdosed on confidence” right from the start. It also gives me the opportunity to remind everyone of 2015 when I had an app that just responded to texts with Drake lyrics and boy was that a time to be alive. I wrote a whole blog on it because I too, was overconfident in my early blogging days, writing blogs where I literally texted myself for hours to get the right graphics. Check that out HERE for a giggle and a reminder that every once in a while it’s important to say something douchey like, “drinking every night because we drink to my accomplishments” to remind everyone around you what a boss you are.

Hold On – Wilson Phillips. I mean there really are no words to describe this classic and it’s timeless message. Other than imagining Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph interpretive dancing the chorus in bridesmaids dresses, you should also let the ladies of Wilson Phillips tell it like it is. They understand that life is a dumpster fire sometimes but you just hold on for one more day. And that’s all you really need to remember from this playlist. Having confidence or self love isn’t going to stop bad shit from happening, sometimes you just gotta fake it til you make it and keep waking up each day ready to fight. Whoa. Did I just get real deep?! You bet your ass I did. We all need a boost sometimes. I hope that this collection of tunes for the soul helped even just a little bit.

Also, not for nothing, but I listened to this playlist on my first attempt at a 15 mile bike ride the other day and it was a REAL rough situation between bugs, pollen, heat and going against the wind and there were several times I considered just sitting on a bench for a while or walking my bike back to my car and giving up, but quite literally every single song on this playlist pushed me to keep going. So even if you have confidence through the roof and you’re crushing life all day erreday, at least you know that this playlist can push you through a shitty workout where you want to throw up and die. YA WELCOME.

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