Author Archives: Thesaltyju

RHOBH, Television

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills- Reunion Part 2

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Do you hear what I hear? The chorus of Shut the F Up’s and F You’s all at a screeching decibel! Are we observing the bathroom line at a seedy club? Nope, just week two of the Housewives reunion. I’m gonna be up front with you guys, because that’s what I do best…this shit is getting exhauuuuusting to watch. Fortunately, Rinna knew that and provided some much needed hands in the air dance moves this week to keep me sane.

Speaking of Emmy’s let’s talk about Eileen and why she felt it was necessary to point out how normal and great her life is every time there wasn’t an opportunity to. We kick things off with an obnoxious montage of Eileen talking about her Emmy, and like soap operas and stuff. Andy tongue in cheek points out how different it must’ve been to do Housewives, har-har. Throughout the rest of this installment, Eileen tells us that her husband assures her she’s not a home wrecker, she’s a homemaker, cause she has a GREAT family and she’s BFF’s with his ex-wife. Her sons have been doing their own laundry and DISHES since they were 13. When Rinna is asked about her humble upbringing, Eileen is quick to jump in, twirl her hair and say well, Andy, I also had a humble upbringing. No one really cared so she then shouted, I drive…I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS. (Fans of Best of Will Ferrell SNL will get that one) JK she drives a Ford Flex, but she mind’s well have told the ladies that she drives a windowless rape van by the way they reacted to this, especially Lisa who owns 3 Bentley’s just to look at. Moral of the story is that Eileen has an Emmy and you bitches don’t.

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There’s more Brandi vs. Eileen and the rehashing of the wine toss…yawn. Brandi is still just hurling insults with no legs to stand on, Eileen drops to her level for a second and throws an F-U her way and seriously do Emmy-winning actresses talk like that? I hope Vincent washed her mouth out with homemade soap later (get it…cause like she’s a homemaker, not home wrecker.)

This fight escalates into including everyone, as it is known to do and suddenly switches to a Brandi vs. Rinna battle. Apparently Rinna jokingly said Brandi dressed like a trashy mom (valid) and Brandi fires back with a dig about Rinna having the same hairstyle for 20 years (also valid). The best part about this whole exchange is that Andy loses his I’m going to pretend to take these stupid problems seriously for one more hour facade and bursts out laughing. All it takes is a well placed hair joke to get Andy to crack. I don’t hate it. I also don’t hate Rinna launching off the couch wiggling those bony hips of hers, throwing her fists in the air and yelling to Brandi that she’s the biggest F’ing double standard she’s ever seen in her life and then flipping the double bird. She also sets the record for most times someone can use the word baby in a condescending way and owns up to never changing that feathered mom hairstyle of hers. She’s proud of it, baby. Rinna wins the reunion.

The outright L7 Weenie’s of the reunion are Brandi and Kim who spitfire a bunch of lies and then promptly are proven wrong by that ole thing called evidence in the form of YOU WERE ON A TV SHOW AND WE FILMED EVERYTHING YOU SAID. Kim recants her tale of Poker Night and it’s basically all completely wrong, she also says she took the pill because she had bronchitis/pneumonia for 6-8 weeks. Ummmm, methinks if you’re sick for almost 2 months it’s probably time to see a doc. And this is coming from someone who avoids doctors…Anyway, Kim thought they were offering her pizza on poker night to trap her to acting like a slob kebab in front of the cameras, everyone hurls F bombs at each other, Kim tells Rinna to go eat and Rinna demands to know what the dirt is on her husband. She once again asks if he banged the dog–time to find your chill on that, Rinna. Kim said she would never slander anyone, but she heard something in the rumor mill about Harry so it’s like obviously true. Andy forces Kim to apologize to Eileen for calling her a beast otherwise she won’t get any ice cream after dinner. She throws a sorry Eileen’s way and Andy is pleased until she firmly declares she will never apologize to Rinna. Kids these days.

Rounding out this week’s hot mess of shouting, Kim and Kyle start in on their 500 years of issues (to be continued next week), Kim compares Kyle to Kathy once again…to which Rinna interrupts, “is Kathy God?” HOW DARE YOU QUESTION GOD’S EXISTENCE IN KATHY HILTON, RINNA. And apparently Kim disinvited Kyle to her daughter’s wedding, Kyle starts the waterworks talking about how much she loves her nieces and then completely UNPROVOKED shouts “YOU’RE SO F-ING MEAN, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.” Thank you, Kyle, thank you for being you.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

1. The Bieber Roast was surprisingly entertaining. Look, we all hate Justin Bieber and know that this was an aggress PR move so that he can try to salvage his career after being a real d-bag for 3 years now. I went into the roast expecting it to be Biebz being obnoxious and a bunch of comedians who were paid to be there and didn’t want to be. It turned out to be pretty good, mostly because the comedians/mish mash of characters that showed up didn’t even spend that much time roasting Bieber and giving him the attention he so clearly needs, they roasted each other waaayyyy better. Overall winners are definitely Natasha Leggero who crushed it and Hanibal Burress–this is also obviously biased because they’re the two that very clearly showed they hated Bieber. I always respect the hell out of comedians who are told they have to say something nice at the end of their roast and literally struggle to fake it. I’m pretty sure Natasha just told Biebs that things will probably get better. Hannibal said Biebs seemed like a sharp business man. If you didn’t catch it Monday night, I recommend it for some laughs, I also recommend that you skip the last 10 minutes when Bieber takes the time to thank God and beg for forgiveness. Yuck. Get outta here. Bonus Points: Shaq literally picking Kevin Hart up and spanking him like a small child. Easily the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen and yet the internet couldn’t make it into a gif. Pretty selfish.

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2. Week three of Zayn spitting in the face of 1D fans. His new solo song was released and now the heat IS ON.

C’mon Zayn, cut it out. For Harry. (PS the song sucks.)

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3. Hova banded all of the billionaire musicians together to create Tidal, a music listening service where rich singers get more money for you to listen to their music. This week they made a big deal on social media, changing their avatars to a blue square and talking about equality for all artists and then they held a huge press conference with all of the superstars to say, please start emptying your pockets for our music, commoners. No disrespect (cause Illuminati) but there is NO way I would start paying a monthly fee to listen to music. I think paying over $100 for a concert ticket in the nose bleeds is criminal enough as it is. But what do I know, I’m obviously not the genius who put a helmet on, added plates for mouse ears and started cashing in on beatz.

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4. LUDA is back in my life. He’s doing press for Furious 7 and his new album LUDAversal and damnit I missed him. Remember the disgusting song Fantasy that was about lickin? I do, because Cin and I just jammed to it road trip style with rapper hands. Good news is that he did an acoustic version with the Roots this week. BACK SEAT, WINDOWS UP.

5. Paul Walker’s brother, Cody looks like this.

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Have a good Easter weekend thinking of those baby blues.

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Nashville, Television

Nashville- “I Can’t Keep Away From You”

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We’ve returned to the very moment we left off at, and my predictions a few weeks ago of stuck in a rut and wait for it story lines are starting to come true…and some of them sooner than expected. I called out Rayna and Deacon and said they better get a penetration session in before Deacon dies and Nashville was obviously like WE HEARD! But more on that later, gotta keep you guys reading somehow. Let’s spark things off with the TRIPLE EXES.

The Triple Exes have hit the road to open for Rascal Flatts and coincidentally their first stop is the same exact city where Scarlett cowered under a piano and shrieked, thus beginning the DRAMATIC “I’m leaving Nashville” story line that inevitably led to her friendship with a homeless person and aggressive downfall of her character’s use on this show. WELL NOT ANYMORE BITCHES. Scarlett is back and she’s here to remind everyone that she can sing without having hallucinations onstage. She’s a little worried on their travels there and scared to perform again but then Gunnar makes it all better by telling her to take a selfie for Twitter. Thanks Gunz, you always know what to do. JUST KITTEN, Gunnar made it worse because then Scarlett discovered that twitter is for trolls who live in their mom’s basement and still use a Gateway desktop computer to tell everyone in the world how ugly they truly are. Scarlett learns this real quick and gets the sadsies for a second, then channels it into a kickass song, duh. Before hitting the stage, Scarlett and Gunnar have a moment and Avery comes over and senses some sexual tension as they stare at each other with their tongues out. Avery’s really astute. They get onstage and perform another banger (Triple Exes win every song this season) while Scarlett tells off those twitter trolls with a mean tambourine hip check. SURPRISE! Dr. Hottie flies to Chicago just to get to third base with Scarlett. Gunnar is pezzzzed and decides to make some moves to get back with her, except when he goes to her hotel room to declare his love, she’s already scampered on over to Dr. Hottie’s suite for a quick check-up.

In other couple news, Layla and Jeff Fordham are doing swimmingly as two lovebirds that also work together HAHA just kidding, they’re a disaster. Jeff forces Layla to interview with a blogger that he’s clearly sacked and when they start flirting at lunch in front of her, Layla causes a scene and says she’s over being just another slam piece to him and Jeffy’s like sorry grl, that’s my steeze. After he realizes Layla’s his meal ticket back to a career, Jeff comes back to apologize and try this thing fo realz. Good thing Layla actually comes to her senses and realizes she only ends up with guys who are incapable of loving her Alanis Morissette ass and tells Jeff they’re done for good except for this whole manager thing, so breaking up but still working together is obviously a great solution and will never ever cause a conflict.

Speaking of conflicts when it comes to the heart, Sadie Stone now wants Luke’s D. She comforts him for being dumped HARD by Rayna and he tells her she’s brave for talking about getting her ass kicked by Pete and suddenly there’s musical sparks and they’re having a dinner together with some hand touching. When he asks if he can walk her to her car she declines but probably instantly regrets it when Petey is waiting for her ready to pounce in a dark parking garage. Good thing Sadie’s packing heat from that very sketchy Jane Doe gun purchase that was probably illegal because he tackles her and she pulls the trigger, probably killing Pete because what’s Nashville without someone dying every few weeks? (Deacon…you’re next…) Luke finds this opportune time to pull up to the scene of the crime and be all WTF. Do you think he’ll comfort her in the wake of this trauma? You bet your bottom dollar, Sadie, congratulations girl because you just earned a spot on this show by killing someone and probably sleeping with your only BFF’s ex-fiancé. And if that isn’t a perfect setup for a country song, I don’t know what is.

Lastly we’ve got the full transformation from Bach Teddy to Guilty Teddy to Slimeball Teddy. It seems as though Teddy is becoming Lamar (Membs him? Rayna’s crotchety dad who was basically the sole member of the Nashville mob.) Teddy hires Lamar’s old creepy henchman to dig around little Ms. Call Girl’s house to confirm that she is in fact being watched. Turns out the feds have been on her tail for weeks forming a case for the prostitution ring and girl hasn’t ever once looked out her front window, seen a rape van and been maybe a LITTLE curious? Nah. She tells Teddy if she gets pinched she’ll sing like a bird and take him down too…unless of course he wants to give her a little hush money to hightail it outta here for a beat. Ah, the old gangster movie cliché. Do it, Teddy. I dare you. Obviously he’s going to do it because he’s a moron, but he’s also poor and gets Fordham in on it by blackmailing him for his money. I can’t wait for all this back door wheelin and dealin to end up on the front page of the Nashville Star, Teddy, you dirty dirty dog.

Ah here we are, the moment we’ve been waiting THREE WHOLE SEASONS FOR. Seriously, that’s how long we’ve shipped a Deacon-Rayna porking. Good God, for a show that kills off a new character every season, they sure as hell move slow. But we already knew that didn’t we? I’m looking at you, Will “I’m still hiding the gay” Lexington. But I digress, we pick up with Rayna and Deacon at the house in the woods sobbing over the cancer and stuff. Rayna promises she’ll be here for him and said she’ll wait with him and they’ll face it together. Deacon’s like nah girl, I’m going solo…to heaven. WAIT IS DEACON DYING?! NO WAAAYYYY! He reminds us again when he throws a child like temper tantrum, stomps his feet and shouts that it’s his decision and he doesn’t want pity or help from Miss Rayna James. He just doesn’t want to put her through that when he’s already put her through a windshield in season 2, heyyooo. Also while we’re discussing rough times for these two, might I so boldly point out that this little cabin or whatever does NOT agree with their hair. Deacon has a super weird middle part sitch and this is one of the very few times I’ve seen Rayna’s mane of glory looking quite drab. Can we get hair and makeup out here right quick? Not the time? Oh, ok. Rayna properly responds to Deacon’s wah-wahing by smashing the shit out of his guitar to show that like cancer is probably more important than music. He Eeyore’s a little more about if he lives they can hang but he probably won’t and finally Rayna says knock it off, YOLO, it’s time for us to be together now that we have a deadline. Then they make out a little and later we’re treated to Rayna’s O face. Thanks for that, ABC. Surprisingly, Maddie didn’t appear in the window with a set of binocs. They go home immediately and tell her and she obviously goes apeshit and they have a nice family hug anddd guess what YOUR DAD IS ALSO DYING. Kind of a harsh day for Mads, huh? Extreme highs and lows like nobody’s biz. Great parenting all around. Don’t worry though everyone will get their happily ever after until Deacon bites it (he won’t.) What we should be MORE concerned about is that Nashville is giving the viewers the power to name Juliette and Avery’s baby. IN WHAT WORLD IS THIS A GOOD IDEA?! BTW their story line this week was all one big ad for Face Time. Hmm, now that I’m thinking of it THAT’S PROBABLY WHAT AMERICA WILL NAME THEIR BABY. Lil baby Face Time. Born to be a star.

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RHOBH, Television

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills- Reunion Pt. 1

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We’ve gathered everyone in a room without alcohol, but then we added in a saaasssssyyy Andy Cohen, so it pretty much equals out again as a recipe for disaster. Let’s begin part 1 of 3 whole hours of rehashing fights we’ve seen 19 episodes of this season, shall we? I’m just going to go ahead and break it down by feud to keep things succinct if you don’t mind.

Kyle vs. Kim

This battle reignites when Andy asks if Brandi and Kim are still in touch and Kim replies YES and Kyle replies with a MEAN side eye. It suddenly comes tumbling out that Kim and Kyle have not resolved their differences and also casj haven’t spoken in three months. “We have a few things to work on,” Kim tells everyone in America as if she’s breezily saying she loves turtles, YEAH WE GOT THAT, KIM. Kim’s like REALLY happy not talking to Kyle though and Andy gives her the best WTF face I think I’ve ever seen. Kyle says when they do finally speak she only wants to have honest conversations. There’s obviously a lot going on here that will probably come to a head in part two or three when we address Kim’s dog going apeshit on Kyle’s child. My only concern was WHERE WAS KATHY when this happened? I’m guessing she wasn’t present because if she was, it wouldn’t have gone down.

Yolanda vs. Lyme Disease

My main squeeze Yo-Yo has relapsed with the Lyme again and she’s clearly struggling, she gets emosh talking about it and then talks about her South Korean treatments and taking it day by day and says she won’t be able to stay very long because her brain is very jumbled at the moment. I’m not actually making fun of any of this because she’s clearly not doing so hot and also she’s a classy broad full of wisdom and not Chardonnay. Plus she managed to get out of the rest of the reunion, and that act in itself deserves a bow.

A holy montage of Yo playing peace maker all season long is then shown. She says she lives life with an open heart and no judgments… and great clothes, obviously. When everyone wants to know why she keeps defending Brandi, Yo gives us a nice little nugget when she says, “I think it’s easy for all of us to just kick her to the curb like a bag of trash.” TRUTH. But she still stands by her and says she needs love and support. Kim jumps in to tell everyone that she forgave Brandi, so it’s possible. Thanks, Kim, pls return to your coma now. The convo spins back around to Bella’s DUI because when you’re on a TV show and you get a DUI, people don’t forget, Bellz. A viewer calls Yo out for punishing her by setting her up in a deluxe apt in NYC and Yo responds, “I don’t think her carrying her furniture on her back is going to teach her not to drink and drive.” PREACH. Finally Yo wants to retire to bed because she’s taken enough shrill yelling for the rest of her life, and she sums up this season in a way that I would never ever ever in a million years think but Yo is Queen and so she gets away with it. She says everyone meshed together and the dream team lives on…“Life is very lonely, we all need a team, we all need to look out for each other.” And with that, she retired to her California King to slip on a white lace nightgown and dream of peacefully living in a windmill with her cute but forgotten former lover.

Rinna vs. Kim (The Battle of the Thirsty Has-Beens)

Rinna is asked by a viewer how much she made for the Depends ad because she had previously claimed it was the most she’s ever made on any appearance. She wouldn’t disclose but said it was more than 6 figures. This seems like a good time for Kim to come to, stand up and exaggerate a Depends dance to make fun of Rinna then declare that she does NOT do anything for a buck and has a little more pride than Rinna. And God Bless Andy, whose quick to point out that Kim did Diving with the Stars. This is why we keep Andy around, Kim immediately clamps her babbling mouth shut. Rinna chimes in that she actually did turn down Diving with the Stars. Point: Rinna. There’s some nonsense about Rinna being anorexic, apparently she lost 6 lbs or something from stress and Brandi says she’s never seen her eat but would NEVER call her anorexic from that, trying to make an argument that the ladies shouldn’t call her an alcoholic just because she drinks around them. This would be Point: Brandi except that Rinna says Brandi actually called her an anorexic old hag in a text. Sooo that pretty much dissolves your argument, Brandi ya big bitch.

Brandi vs. The World

Speaking of drinking, let’s touch upon when everyone rehashed that Brandi is a mean, sloppy drunk and she defended herself by saying that she only drinks when she’s around them, to tolerate them of course. Eileen is like hey home girl, doesn’t matter why you drink but every time I’m around you, you have the slursies and the meansies. Brandi claims it depends on the company and if she’s happily drunk she’ll give out lap dances. I’m kind of glad we never got to see that on the show, because watching Kyle do splits every time she gets drunk is just about enough for me to see ever.

 

Finally…Lisa vs. Brandi

What starts out as the continuance of THE SLAP (eeeeeeenoughhhhhh) spirals into Brandi claiming that Kyle spread stories about Lisa banging her trainer and being poor or something. Brandi and Kyle then spent about 5 minutes screaming at each other and dropping F bombs. It was pretty pleasant. ALMOST as pleasant as hearing the deets of Brandi’s penetration station with AmsterBABY. Lisa’s choking back vomit as she tells us she’s known this kid since he was 7 and she’d prefer not to know about his cougar trysts. The only comic relief in this stupid fight is Brandi and Andy bonding over the fact that they’ve both banged 23 year olds. Three cheers for the loose gooses! Anyway, there’s more analysis of the SLAP, everyone weighs in on it like this is a trial and they’re the jury deciding if it’s ok to drink and slap, FTR, it’s a unanimous NO and Andy tries to defend his fellow cougar Brandi by comparing the slap to playing with your dog and your dog bites you. (Kind of a touchy subject, Andy, no?) B does NOT like this comparison. She loses her chill, says a big F U to Andy and says she’s done taking shit from everyone. Clearly all the ladies need to be hooked up to their mid-afternoon wine IV or take their scheduled Valium or whatevs, cause bitches be gettin cranky. In conclusion, Brandi thinks Lisa is beating the slap to death, clearly doesn’t know what this whole season has been like for all of us, cause the slap has been beaten, buried, and its ashes have been dug up to beat again. Lisa says she didn’t make a big deal about it. Ok, Lisa. The future of these ladies is to never ever speak again and also maybe blackmail each other because Hood Brandi comes out to play and tells Lisa to watch her back. If I were Lisa I’d amp up my security and maybe keep Hanky and Panky indoors for a little while.

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Music, Television

iHeartRadio Music Awards Recap

Didn’t actually know that these were a legit thing until I saw JT tweet about how he was being honored, and I don’t need to be told twice to tune into a slobbering of Justin. You also know that I never pass up an opportunity to recap an awards show either. I actually really enjoyed this one, surprisingly so it was a great decision overall. They were better than the Grammy’s. Boom. I said it.

Highs:

-Nick Jonas performing Chains wrapped in actual chains and wearing the shit out of some leather pants while hoes parade around him and bang on some drums. Screen shot 2015-03-29 at 9.41.45 PM -The JT and Taylor Swift show. Right from the get-go we see that these two are seated at the same table and generally just F’ing around like a couple of goobers. Tay wins and JT tries to go up instead of her. They’re now rivaling Jfall and JT for besties that I could watch hang out foreva.

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-Tay wins best lyrics for Blank Space and shouts it out to all the insta captions of “darling I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream” (kinda bummed she didn’t also include homemade mugs, cause mine is BO$$) also clarifies that she doesn’t sing about Starbucks Lovers, whatevs grl, we’ll sing what we wanna sing.

-FGL performs “Sun Daze” and neither of them are wearing a disgusting vest. Good work, boys. Keep it up.

-There are “my journey” stories from artists in between awards and performances and I actually really liked this because it was something different and probably made up for time they would’ve had to fill with Jamie Foxx telling offensive jokes and singing the I’m in love with the coco song over and over again.

-They show a peek backstage of Nick Jonas doing pushups in his leather pants and there clearly is a God.

-It becomes evident that this awards show is kind of a free for all when Jamie Foxx strolls around shooting the shit with singers asking them to practice their winning faces and gettin all up on “random white girls” before they literally cut him off mid-sentence. I love a good hosting train wreck.

-JT’s teal suit, jizzworthy montage of all of his greatest achievements with his besties bowing down to him & entire acceptance speech for the innovator award (except the last lines ugh, still won’t accept that he’s not all mine.) Watch in full below (2:21 for montage, 5:22 for speech)

-Jason Derulo performs “Want to Want Me”. Those dance moves, tossing the mic around like a seasoned vet, thrusting, that falsetto…all equal YES. Screen shot 2015-03-30 at 8.00.37 AM -Sam Smith has a pre-recorded crooning of “Lay Me Down” with candles and an orchestra. So smooth.

-Madonna performs a song that was suuuperrr lame but recruited Taylor Swift to play acoustic guitar in a sexy black lace dress with thigh high black boots and it becomes very clear that even Madonna understands that in order to have her tired performance noticed she needed Tswizzle to spice it up. All she did was strum the guitar and those legs still stole the show. Screen shot 2015-03-29 at 11.08.56 PM – Nate Reuss performs “Nothing Without Love” wearing a very Hamptons-esque whoutfit, but also has a case of the scary eyes while singing. He lays it all out on the line though cruising around the stage in those loafers and crushes the song. Screen shot 2015-03-29 at 11.06.40 PM

Lows:

-Jamie Foxx makes some cracks about Suge Knight in his monologue and obviously doesn’t realize that Suge can still have him killed from the clink, probably should be a little more terrified about that. Also cheap shots about Bruce Jenner’s trans-gender thang. Yikes.

-Meghan Trainor performs “Dear Future Husband” with an unnecessary bedazzled sailor cap and it’s pretty snoozeworthy.

-“Stay tuned for something everyone will be talking about tomorrow so you don’t wanna miss it.” Every awards show teaser EVER. I HIGHLY doubt my boss will be dying to talk about T. Swift playing guitar for Madonna. Nice try.

-Rihanna premieres new song “Bitch Better Have My Money” with a ‘copter onstage and wearing that. No thanks. Screen shot 2015-03-29 at 9.56.29 PM -Ian Ziering presents with Left Shark. Left shark has 1000% jumped the ship, pun intended. This joke has been drowned to death. NO MORE LEFT SHARK, PLEASE.

-Brantley “Bedazzled and jewel encrusted cross t-shirt” Gilbert wins the renegade award (the throw everyone who hasn’t been nominated into this one, award) and feels it’s necessary to tell everyone that he’s not wearing lip gloss, he just kissed his fiance. Oh ok.

-Why is Chris Brown allowed anywhere? Why is he still releasing music, why is he still famous, why is his hair green? WHY. Go away, Breezy.

-Snoop Dogg forever will give me the heebie jeebs.

Best Dressed (Obviously): 

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Not coincidentally, the best dressed of the night were also the top three that dominated this show and made it entertaining. Ok, okay these two looked pretty bangin too. Need Pitch Perfect 2 and I needed it yesterday.

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Full Winners List

Best Lyrics- “Blank Space”-Taylor Swift

Hip Hop/R&B Song of the Year- “Don’t Tell Em”- Jeremih ft. YG

Innovator- Justin Timberlake

Best New Artist- Sam Smith

Best Country Artist- Jason Aldean

Best Fan Army- 5SOSFan What?

Best Collaboration- “Bang Bang”- Jessie J, Ariana & Nicki

Renegade- Brantley Gilbert (this award is the most random)

Best Dance Song of the Year- “Summer”- Calvin Harris

Alternative Rock Song of the Year- “Take Me to Church”-Hozier

Song of the Year- “Shake it Off”- Taylor Swift

Artist of the Year- Taylor Swift. Duhs.

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Television

OTH Convention: Return to Tree Hill

Full disclozsh: this blog is specifically for One Tree Hill superfans like myself, others will find it very, very weird.

This weekend was a One Tree Hill convention in Wilmington, NC (Tree Hill) and it was a big deal because it was the first one held in the US. Apparently Europe is more aggress about organizing OTH reunions (there was a big one in Paris a few months ago) because they’ve had a bajillion and we’ve never had one, which makes no sense but whatevz. Basically these conventions get all of the actors back together and have a bunch of Q&A’s, photo ops and meet & greets. As a devout OTH fan myself, I legitimately looked into going to this but then Sophia Bush hadn’t signed on yet and all the tickets swiftly sold out (who buys tix before Brooke Davis is confirmed?) Anywho, it probably worked out for the best that I didn’t have to start a new job and ask for advance vacation so that I could go to a fictional town and pretend a teen show that ended 4 years ago is real life. Instead, I binged my favorite episodes of season 3 (Naley Forever…and always) and stalked the convention on social media so I could create this one stop shop for an assortment of pictures and videos from the weekend for your entertainment.

The crew they assembled:

By character name- Whitey, Skillz, Jimmy Edwards, Bevin, Junk, Fergie, Felix, Andy, Chuck, Davis (Brooke and Julian’s son), Grubbs, Mouth, Chase, Chris Keller, Lucas, Peyton. (Basically their two leads who ditched the show 3 seasons before it ended were the top billing for this convention.)

Notably missing- Brooke, Julian, Haley, Nathan, Quinn, Clay, Alex, Millie, Dan, Keith, Karen, Deb, Rachel, Jamie, Mia, Nanny Carrie…

Q&A Highlight with Hilarie and Stephen

Words of Love from B.Davis:

Formal Apology from CMM for season 9 mullet:

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More hair mocking:

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Weird Fan pics (apparently reenacting scenes is a big thing):

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My favorite is probably the two girls reenacting the don’t say I never gave you anything scene and the fact that the person who posted it said they were new friends. Because who doesn’t meet a new person and immediately ask them to recreate a famous couples scene from One Tree Hill for Insta? All the uncomfies. Also, girl who showed up in a Ravens cheerleading uniform, do less.

Meet & Greet/ Event Pics with Cast:

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This last picture is apparently Brooke Davis’s INFANT son. Like he was an ACTUAL baby on the show, and now people are paying to take pictures with him? Is this real life? No it’s Tree Hill.  It was nice of Skills to show up (is he on parole?) wearing a shirt that says Black Jesus. You do you, Skills. He also apparently told everyone he can’t get verified on Twitter because he follows too many porn stars. Michael Copon, AKA the guy who got cheeked by Kim Kardashian, returned to Brooke’s house. I wonder if he also took a quick dip in the pool?

Other Highlights:

-Chuck now has a singing career (not Broadway related like his character), and belted out the theme song at his Q&A, pictured above. I’ll spare your ears the video…

-In relation to ear shattering videos, Tyler Hilton invited a fan onstage to sing Haley’s part of When the Stars Go Blue (the disrespect is so real) and she was really really terrible at singing. I covered my eyes and ears for the whole 20 second video. I can’t imagine hearing the whole song.

-Bevin looks like a dime piece

-Fans demanded dance reenactments. Bevin did the Spice Girls dance (she forgot most of it, because who would actually expect these people to remember a dance they did for one scene five years ago?) and Skillz/Mouth were asked to do their strip tease dance. Also Michael Copon apparently had a singing appearance on That’s So Raven and they made him do that for the crowd as well. Suuuper embarrassing.

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-This interaction:

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-Shout out from Quinnie

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-Almost Boy Toy Auction: Part 2

And there you have it, the highlights from a Nathan Scott-less OTH celebration (and what a damn shame).

Don’t say I never gave you anything…

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UPDATE: Here is the fan-made video they played several times throughout the weekend…it’s definitely not dramatic or anything.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

1. Zayn is going solo, 1D fans mourn him as if he’s dead, Harry cries, Zayn cries, everyone hates Simon Cowell.

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So I reported last week that Zayn peaced out on the tour and there was speculation that he was taking a quick vacay to rehab, but this week he released a statement that he was officially leaving 1D to live a normal life as a 22 year old out of the spotlight. Obviously tweens around the world were on suicide watch, the remaining 1D members had to be like hey we’re still doing this thing so everyone CTFD and then today Zayn basically told everyone he’s going solo. Hey bruh, be more of a doucher. He’s obviously pulling the “I was doing something and my heart wasn’t in it, I hope you all want me to be happy” card but like going to the studio the very next day? Harsh. It wasn’t too long ago that he was telling me over a spaghetti dinner “But there’s nothing to be afraid of, Even when the night changes, It will never change me and you.” Well guess what, Zayn? IT DID CHANGE.

2. Entourage full trailer dropped and it has a bazillion celebs in it. I never watched Entourage really, I’ve seen a few episodes here and there but I’ll probably go see this movie because I like celebs and they’re all in it.

3. Super Troopers 2 comin atcha. Someone started a crowd funding page for the sequel of Super Troopers because here in America we don’t pay for stuff, we set up a website for other people to pay for our stuff and guess what?! It raised $2 Mill in like a day. All original troopers will be back which obviously means more Farva, who could probably have his own sequel. Whose excited for this? Say Car RamRod.

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4. The Yankees do a scene from The Sandlot, and leave ARod out of it. Even though Jeets isn’t in this I can always appreciate a nice Sandlot reference, because it quite literally never gets old. Yanks are clearly trying to drum up some positive press since all they probably hear about is how they let ARod come back and everyone on earth hates him. I can’t embed the video, so click below for the link.

Yankees Re-Create Sandlot

Brian McCann CRUSHED it as Hamilton Porter. Brett Gardner has a REAL weird head.

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Also this just made me want to watch The Sandlot again. Benny the Jet ❤

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5.Taylor Swift goes to a Kenny Chesney concert in Nashville, gets invited onstage for a duet and looks like this:

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I’m probably going to look just like this when I run to the grocery store this weekend, so whateva.

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Music, Playlist

8th Grade Angst Playlist

Here’s a mix for when you want to remember what it’s like to have so many emotions at once, shout YOU DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND ME, slam your door and put up a dramatic away message on AIM. Or if you wanna pair one of your dad’s ties with a wife beater, stack on your rubber glitter bracelets from Claire’s and pose like a badass in front of your Beanie Baby collection and Tiger Beat posters.

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Either way, either way’s fine.

1. Dance, Dance- Fall Out Boy. Oh Pete Wentz, you and your guyliner and cool hats and dating Peyton Sawyer long distance…FOB was soooooo cool and the titles of their songs were so BA, i.e. “Our Lawyers Made Us Change The Name of This Song…” that it’s very clear why they made this playlist.

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AIM Buddy Profile Lyric: “Why don’t you show me a little bit of spine, You’ve been saving for his mattress, love” For when the girl whose already wearing thongs stole your boyfriend. SLUT.

2. You’re So Last Summer-Taking Back Sunday. I mean, obviously. There was definitely a time in my life where every single one of these lyrics found a place in an away message or profile of mine, so it’s good to know I was never dramats or anything. (ex: The truth is you could slit my throat and with my one last gasping breath, I’d apologize for bleeding on your shirt.) Yiiikes. Also saw Taking Back Sunday in concert at the NYS fair and it was preeetttyy great. All the feels, live.

AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “Boys like you are a dime a dozen.” For the boy you’re planning a marriage to who clearly doesn’t like you. WELL YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE A DIME A DOZEN. SO HA.

3. Pieces of Me- Ashlee Simpson. Ash was obviously the sister of Christian pop princess, Jessica Simpson…but Ashlee was so mizundastooood and so she dyed her hair black and wore men’s camo pants and converse sneaks. Punk girlz, YEAH. Girl was my idol. I watched her reality show and saw her strain her raspy voice and talk about how she’s been living in Jess’s shadow and I was like YEAH TOTALLY I FEEL YA. And then she dated the preppiest porcupine in California, Ryan Cabrera, and I loved her even more. She holds a special place in my rebellious (read: not rebellious) middle school years that will never be replaced.

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AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “It’s as if you know me better than I ever knew myself.” First relationship ❤

4. Boulevard of Broken Dreams-Green Day. Green Day gave us our 8th grade graduation song, you know where they sang about everything being unpredictable and having the time of our lives, and we were all like actually we’re 12 and we’re all just going to high school together, soooo.. But anyway, they were badasses who cursed the government and got real hardcore about actual world issues and it all went straight over my head as I used “Wake Me Up When September Ends” as an away message on the first day of school. Seriously, I thought that was so kewl. This song is pretty angsty, aka it fits in perfectly on this mix.

AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me ‘Til then I walk alone.” When Ashley has a big sleepover and doesn’t invite you.

5. The Middle- Jimmy Eat World. It took me probably my whole life so far to figure out what Jimmy Eat World is singing in this song, but I DO know that they’re saying everything will be alright. So this is for when you’ve listened to the last song and you’re crying about having no friends or something and you need to know that there won’t always be bitches who exclude you from the lunch table.

AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “Live right now Just be yourself.” Do you, grl.

6. All Hail the Heartbreaker- The Spill Canvas. This song is one of many that is currently making me wonder how I didn’t think half of these bands were a bunch of wieners. Like why are you so whiny about girls not liking you? Little role reversal action, the emo guy who had his heart ripped to shreds is apparently who we all loved in the 8th grade.

AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “I’ll let you get the best of me, Because there’s nothing else that I do well.” You and Justin broke up…AGAIN.

7. Dirty Little Secret- All American Rejects. The lead singer of this band was a real hottie. I think he did an episode of Room Raiders with Stephen from Laguna and my pre-teen heart exploded. Anyway, all around banger of a song and about a secret love affair, so spicy.

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AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “I go around a time or two, Just to waste my time with you.” This lyric is just ambiguous enough that it also could apply to a BFF, because what did you do with your BFF in middle school that WASN’T wasting time?

8. Middle of Nowhere-Hot Hot Heat. Peyton Sawyer liked this song and she was so hardcore punk rock and wore converses and stuff so you know it’s a great one. Plus it was on her Friends with Benefit CD for her dying mom. Nuff said.

AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “She said, “Maybe there’s a bit of me waiting for a bit of you. baby.” I absolutely used this in my profile. Just waiting for my pre-teen prince, duh.

9. Helena-My Chemical Romance. This band has a scary name and a lead singer that’s pretty terrifying because he really subscribed to the white face, dark makeup, dark greasy hair thing. Yet for whatever reason, I loved the shit out of them in my younger years. This was one of my favorites and I distinctly remember the music video because a dead girl gets out of the coffin and starts doing ballet at her own funeral. No biggie.

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AIM Prof Lyric: “And what’s the worst to take, From every heart you break.” This is the least creepy lyric in this song, you’re welcome.

10. Space- Something Corporate. My obsession with SoCo might’ve started in middle school, but my love affair with lead singer Andrew McMahon continues today because I see him in concert 1-2 times a year. He’s the stuff. That man knows how to wail on a piano. What I REALLY wanted to do was put Konstantine on here because it’s probably the greatest song ever made (bold statement, whatever) but it’s definitely not a casual song to throw into a mix, you’ve gotta be ready for all the Konfusion. This song is definitely more fitting and still great, because all of his songs are great, duh. Ok I’ll stop slobbering all over him now. Actually, I won’t because this happened this summer and I’m still not over it:

AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: Side note-not his best song for lyrics unfortunately…”and you say, that you can, when you know that you won’t.”

11. Hands Down-Dashboard Confessional. Ah how we all imagined our first kiss would be, gazing at the stars in the grass with a guy whose probably wearing skinny jeans but is like reeeallyyy into you. Did anyone have one of those? Pls advise. Dashboard was so romants and dramats all at once with this number but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Seriously, girl…kiss him before he dies.

AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “My heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury, or wear as jewelery, which ever you prefer.” The I’m obsessed with you portion of your prof. Usually accompanied by some initials.

12. Best of Me- The Starting Line. Long distance love + being young foreva=the perfect song to mosh to. Who knew?

AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “we got older but we’re still young, we never grew out of this feeling that we wont give up.” Class of ’09 GTS GMS LOLOLOL You know WHO YOU ARE!!

13. Pretty Girl (The Way)- Sugarcult. I’m like 98% sure this song was used in Laguna Beach when Stephen decided for the millionth time that he didn’t want LC as a side piece anymore and was with Kristin rubbing it in her face. So you should probably think about that when you listen to it, but also think about how LC is a bo$$ now so there’s hope for us all.

AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “and that’s what you get for falling again; you can never get him out of your head.” Damn you, STEEEEvehhhnnn.

14. Hallelujah- Paramore. Hayley Williams is the poster child of punk rock princess, sorry Ashlee, but the girl has bright orange hair so she wins. She’s been shouting about stuff forever, and the best part is that she’s still releasing new stuff and it’s getting air time on pop radio, so she’s pretty much made 8th grade jams mainstream. Respect.

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AIM Prof Lyric: “Let’s make it last forever.” SUMMER VACATION, at the pool with mah betchez.

15. Okay I Believe You But My Tommy Gun Don’t-Brand New. This band was probably the closest I ever got to the scream-o genre and I think it was a good line to draw. I don’t love when a man screeches into a microphone, luckily it’s a quick one in this song. Otherwise they had dirty lyrics that I knew I shouldn’t be listening to and it made them that much cooler. Also this title is pretty terrifying. So there’s that.

AIM Prof Lyric: “Hope you come down with something they can’t diagnose, Don’t have the cure for.” So aggress-for the girl in the gym locker room who told everyone you don’t wear deodorant.

16. What’s My Age Again-Blink 182. Totes one of those songs that is hilarious and fun when you’re 13 and think that 23 is SUUUUUPER far away. Except now that I’m 23 this song sucks. Nonetheless, it’s a great Blink song and is pretty much the epitome of their inapprops lyrics. It was real rebellious of me to be listening to them back in the day.

AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “I never wanna act my age, What’s my age again?” Realistically I would never use any of these lyrics in my prof in case my parents ever found it and took away AIM from me (once was traumatizing enough.)

17. Addicted-Simple Plan. This band was the poster child of whiny the world is against me lyrics. They sang about feeling left out and abused and unloved and it was great at the time because obviously growing up a privileged white girl it’s like they totally read my mind…but now that I look back I couldn’t in good conscious put one of their depressing songs on this playlist. So I chose this one because even though it’s still everybody hates me and leaves me…it has a play on words with “dick” and that’s entertaining to me. Good work, Pierre. Seriously though Pierre was cute as shit, and a French Canadian…bilingual, so hot.

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AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “I don’t know why I’m still waiting, I can’t make you mine.” For the boy who didn’t want to sign your yearbook.

18. The Anthem- Good Charlotte. Ahhh, GC and the punk rock Madden bros. Did you ever think back then that these two would be tamed by Nicole Richie and Cameron Diaz? Plot twist. This song is about not being held down, but like obviously they really scaled it back since then. At least I hope they did because they bitched about rich and famous people and well…you pretty much married into that, boys.

AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “It’s a new day, but it all feels old.” Ugh, school AGAIN?!

19. Be My Escape- Relient K. These guys may have been punk but they used some pretty large vocab in their lyrics so I think we can all agree they were also educational. Case in point, they used the word complacency in this song. My 13-year-old brain totes had to look that up. Anyway, this one is another needy love song that gave words to all the feels I had for the guy whose locker was near mine and I was probably obsessed with. Aaand now that I’m reading the lyrics this song was about God, so that changes things a beat. Whatever. It’s still a banger.

AIM Prof Lyric: “But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.” LIFE IS SO UNFAIR.

20. Ocean Avenue-Yellowcard. I shipped Yellowcard REAL hard. Like hard enough to have their concert on DVD and watch it so many times that when it finally was lost or stolen (DOES ANYONE HAVE IT?) I was real affected by it. My dad watched it with me once and saw how halfway through the show they told the crowd to separate down the middle and then run to the other side as hard and fast as they could. Den thought that was a little TOO intense for his 13 year old daughter and therefore wouldn’t let me go to an actual concert of theirs. LAME. They DID say if someone fell to pick them up but WHATEVER. Anyway, I stand by my love for these guys, who else has a violinist in a punk band? It’s cool as shit. Supes cultured. (He used to do back flips off the piano mid-concert too…HARDCORE PARKOUR.)

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AIM Buddy Prof Lyric: “We’re looking up at the same night sky, And keep pretending the sun will not rise, Be together for one more night, Somewhere, somehow.” Star crossed lovers, from different middle schools.

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RHOBH, Television

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills- “The Party’s Over”

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THE FINALE HAS ARRIVED. What could possibly upstage a season full of aggress and exhausting bitches fighting? A party with creepy magicians and even more fighting, duh. Adrienne “I now do magic” Maloof throws a party that no one remembers, or no one wants to remember, either way it sucks but we’ll get to that later. First we must tie things up in the desert with a pretty bow so that everyone can pretend Kim and Kyle are the two best sisters that anyone has ever seen. Kyle makes Kim breakfast, which is shocking because she’s the baaaaby and the baby never has to do anything. (Suddenly I understand Kyle more than I ever have before.) And Kyle says that the reason everything has been swept under the rug for all of these years is because their mom always taught her girls not to air their dirty laundry in public. Do you think Kyle and Kim know what reality television even is? I think we’re past the airing of dirty laundry and onto the throwing their dirty laundry in everyone’s faces and telling them to sniff it or else.

After the sisters reunion that unfortunately did not end in the burying of Kim Richards in the desert, we’re treated to a sashay into Rinna’s supposedly normal life. She tells her teenage girls that it’s time to say goodbye to their childhood swing set. She brings them out back to take it down AKA watch Ricardo the groundskeeper take it down while they drank sparkling cider and celebrated never having to work a day in their lives. They’re not giving the perfectly functional swing set away, they’re literally throwing it in the trash. Cause that’s what rich people do. It keeps them grounded.

Speaking of being down to earth, Nicky Hilton is now an author, guys. It’s a book about fashion so let’s not get out of control here, I’m assuming it’s a picture book that she signed her name to and cashed in on. This is how we know we’re watching the finale, because they brought in the big guns, The Hilton family. Kyle, never one to let her more famous sister/nieces snag the spotlight hosts the book signing at her clothing store and says, “Nicky is always on fleek.” STOP TRYING SO HARD, KYLE. You’re an embarrassment to Nicky and Paris, which is saying a lot since their fame was circa 2001 for having sex and going to clubs. Speaking of A Night in Paris, the little amateur filmmaker arrives late and says hello to everyone and dasss it. No seriously…her air kisses and 1 minute of screen time were probably handsomely compensated from Bravo too. I hate America sometimes.

The night of Adrienne’s party that no one knows anything about is then upon us and on the limo ride there, Vincent the former child star and tennis pro brags to Yolanda about how he grew up next to the Jackson Five and Yo is like oh yeah, well I dated Julio Iglesias! At the party there are several weird masked performers and servers plucked straight from my nightmares and several of the women mention that Adrienne is nowhere to be found, but none of them seem all that bothered by it. It’s more of a comment that’s supposed to be made, kind of like “you look skinny” or “this Valium isn’t strong enough.” Since no one knows what this party is promoting but they know it must be promoting something, Lisa brings back the Maloof’s Hooves joke basically because she can and because Adrienne won’t be at the reunion to cry about it. Point, Lisa.

Camille is at the party and clearly didn’t get the memo that it’s against housewives code to look better than Yolanda because she’s wearing a spicy crop top and skirt coordinate and looks FIERCE. She uses her midsection to catch the attention of a Prince whose visiting Mauricio’s scary looking mother. It starts out cute and flirtatious and I’m all GO, CAMILLE…UPGRADE! And then I suddenly don’t ship it so hard when he starts making out with her in front of everyone and I remember this woman is past the BOMO stage of her life by like 20 years.

And then it’s FIGHTIN time, obviously. Lisa approaches Brandi to talk about THE SLAP and Brandi basically has a stage 10 meltdown and screams about her dad dying and being the best person in the world, grabs Lisa’s wrists tells her to go ahead and slap her back and then storms away. So that went swimmingly. Kim sits down at a table full of people who hate her and finds it to be an ideal time to address Rinna about what Kyle said that Rinna said that Brandi said. THIS IS A REAL SENTENCE THAT WAS STATED. It’s beyond me how these women don’t realize how stupid they sound, but I digress. Rinna, having quite vivid flashbacks to the last time she tried to have a convo with Kim in regards to sobriety, is obviously scared shitless and decides to be like everything you say is correct, Kim, you are the apple of my eye and a beautiful, fair princess. This pezzes Kyle off because she tried to start shit and it backfired so she teams up with Eileen to bully Rinna into telling Kim what was said. While all of this is happening, another magician appears onstage for a drawn out trick and out from behind the curtain pops Adrienne “I’m trying to get a Vegas act” Maloof in a black jumpsuit with a tacky sparkle bow. Not one person notices.

After Kim tells Rinna to go away and never talk to her again because she’s a liar, she goes straight to Brandi to confirm what was said. Brandi says she’s never once uttered the word intervention AS they play a clip of her saying the word intervention. Smooth. They make up and Rinna comes over at the tail end to say glad we got that solved, guys–let’s have a group hug. Kyle also tries to jump on that train and Brandi shouts TRAINS LEAVIN, GET OUTTA HERE. And so the beef continues…to be solved at the reunion? Probably not.

In conclusion, the housewives all get freeze frames and a few sentences to wrap up where they are now as if this is an enlightening documentary that we’re intrigued to follow up on, and not a television show about rich women who continue their fights on twitter for all to keep abreast on while they’re not filming. I’ll sum the closing remarks up as best as I can…

Yolanda: Has fabulous successful model daughters and looks glam in a hospital bed.

Rinna: Continues to take bullshit roles on TV and still thinks her husband banged the dog.

Eileen: Still has that EMMY and is back doing dubs soap operas.

Lisa: Hates Brandi and wants grandkids.

Kim: Monty’s nurse 4 lyfe.

Kyle: Hates Kim’s stinkin guts and hasn’t talked to her since her daughter got bit by Kim’s dog.

Brandi: Still has a dad, still has no friends.

Extra Thoughts:

-The Kim/Monty saga is weird, right? Like I get that we’re trying to be respectful of a dying man but they’ve flaunted it on TV and now I feel like something needs to be said. Monty is described as like basically withering away but if there’s a black tie event, HE’S THERE. Even JR was like yeah I was just drinking with him, what a party animal! Also apparently Kim and Monty are BFF’s who kiss on the lips. Get it, Monty!

-Does Brandi have a rule that whenever she goes to a party, she must wear something that barely covers her nipples and she has to tug at and hold all night? Girl is just full of good ideas.

-Adrienne humble bragging about her foray into the magic world and Kathy Hilton dropping her down a peg or 100 with “Oh, you do magic now?” wins best moment of the night BY FAR. Once again, Kathy Hilton wins my heart. Although I would never want Kathy to stoop to Housewives level of thirsty fame, I can only pray that she makes as many cameos next season as she did this one.

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Pop Culture

Justin Timber-Tuesday

What’s Timber-Tuesday, you ask? It’s something that I recently decided should probably be a thing. Do I need a specific reason to write a blog dedicated to Justin Timberlake and all of his fantastic qualities? No, I do not, because I run The Salty Ju and you don’t so HA. Sometimes, you get to Tuesday and realize the whole week is still ahead of you and you just need a little JT to make it better. We all know that Justin is the King of Pop and releases bangers on bangers, but he’s also funny as shit (especially with his BFF JFall) and devilishly handsome. So to get you closer to hump day (wink), here’s a tune, a skit and a model shot of ya boy JT.

Ear Candy

This song is from 2002 and I could still probably listen to it 100 times a day. It’s Justin at his cockiest and although you might have to look past the knit hat (and the doo rag, and the fedora, obviously the 2000’s were a trial period for headwear) in this video, it’s also pretty gr8. Normally I’m against mid or pre-song talking but I think we can all agree that it’s AOK when Justin does it. Dance moves+Swag+Falsetto=The Best Kind of JT. DRUMS.

Laugh Candy (we’ll work on that one)

Probably my favorite JFall-JT sketch of all time and there are many. Even Madonna couldn’t ruin it for me, and that’s saying a lot. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t see the real Barry Gibb without laughing because all I can think of is these two goobs.

Eye Candy

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BOOM. GQ. Droolz.

Ok, I think I can make it through the week now.

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