JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 1/9/17

 1. BYE Biebs.

*PREMIUM EXCLUSIVE* Hot New Couple  Selena Gomez and The Weeknd Can't hide their love

Selena is back in a BIG way. First she’s smooching all up on The Weeknd. Props to her for swooping in AFTER he cut that ridiculous cartoon hairstyle he was rocking for far too long. To be honest I wasn’t really that shocked about this celeb couple news because it’s probably mostly her way to show Biebz that she’s upgrading from a whiny bitch who hates his fans to a smooth R&B sex machine. Bella Hadid unfollowed her on Instagram, because duh, that’s what you do when someone in your Hollywood squad starts banging your ex-boyfriend. Well that, and take a bunch of bathing suit selfies.

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BUT THEN, she drops this in our grillpieces and now I’m like oh shittttt SELENASSSSSSS!

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Ignore the cr33pster intensely taking a naked girls’ picture through the mirror and just feast your eyes on dat ass. Suck on it, JB. Nice try, Bella. The bigger the hoop….

2. Lick.

Joe Jonas did a Guess campaign and oiled up his abs for it. Nuff said. Sick enhancement in the shot with your grey undies though. Definitely didn’t immediately notice that.

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And since Nick is my favorite. Let’s do a little compare/contrast of when he did Calvin Klein:

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Backwards hat and cocky D grab always wins and that’s obvious.

3. Closer 2.0.

Those dirty frat bruhs known as The Chainsmokers just dropped their follow-up to Closer. Kneejerk reaction: I’ll listen to it but there’s no comparison. Hard to follow up that heater when it literally still brings the house down every time it’s played. Don’t talk smack about it though because they’ll come AFTER you. Their music is the GREATEST OF ALL TIME.

4. Brooke Davis is gonna change the world someday.

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Every once in a while I like to give a little update to my fellow OTH fans. This week Sophia Bush finally broke her silence on her casual marriage to CMM when she was like, 21 in a personal essay for Cosmo. In true Sophia raspy voiced goddess fashion, she got real deep and metaphorical. Without naming the Chadster, she talked about how she was so young and thought because he was asking her, they should get married. Then she drops some truth bombs about how the right relationships find you and honestly I feel like a new woman after reading it. If you want to hear her preach, click here to read and learn all about how to stop looking for “the one”. Because it’s unrealistic to think the guy you went to high school with is who you want standing next to you when all your dreams come true.

5. Landry snags another babe.

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Yeah, Riggins was the sexiest bad boy in Dillon, and Saracen had the heart of gold, but apparently Landry scoops up all the chicks. How they ever put him with Tyra is beyond me but like clearly life imitates art because he’s now engaged to Kirsten Dunst. Also it’s laugh out loud funny that gossip sites were reporting the engagement with his character’s name. No need to know his real name because he is Landry for life and he’ll probably perform with Crucifictorious at the wedding.

BONUS: T dropped a little teaser action for Z’s birthday yesterday. This video can’t come soon enough.

The track list for the fifty shades soundtrack was also released and it’s STACKED. Not afraid to say it’s going to be better than the actual movie.

Happy Birthday Liam ❤

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PS People.com coming in thirsty AF.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 11/14/16

1-3. People continues to disappoint. 

What once was a joyous occasion, the unveiling of People’s Sexiest Man Alive, has quickly turned into an annual disappointment. In my early blog days I wrote a thinkpiece (whiny bitch blog) about how Ryan Gosling has never won and Chris Hemsworth didn’t deserve the title. I shit pretty hard on People. Then last year they listened and gave the honor to David Beckham, which was the most deserved. This year, I’m out again. Sure, The Rock is funny and looks gr8 in a turtleneck and mom jeans but that doesn’t make a sexiest man alive. Before I get on a rant…here’s  a quick list of five hot guys who are killing it this year, and deserve the cover just as much.

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Scott Eastwood is getting more movies after his Nicholas Sparks debut, he was a T Swift love interest and he looks like that. So yeah, he’s a contender.

Brett makes bangarang country music and DELIVERS on snapchat with a segment he calls “Bedhead Jams” where he serenades me (and ME ONLY) right before he goes to bed. It’s what dreams are made of, literally. Honorable mention to Edgar his new puppy who he cuddles sometimes for bedhead jams and it literally causes my heart to explode. Doesn’t get more classic than hot guys and puppies.

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Young Joe Biden. Nuff said.

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2016 is straight up the year of Milo. This Is Us is snagging up those ratings with his hot sensitive dad thing and also Team Jess forever, he’s about to rock out a Gilmore Girls comeback as well. Welcome back, Milo. We’ve missed you.

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Shoutout to Kris Bryant, my #1 sexiest man alive of the moment, and the reason I became a Cubs fan during the World Series. I’m so glad I hopped aboard the Cubbies wagon when I did because they won the damn thing, Kris’s smile and ocean eyes mesmerized me on the winning play and also I got to learn the words to Go Cubs Go, which is a real hit song. I’m sure everyone appreciated me singing it drunk at the bar the following weekend. Anyway, Kris just won MVP and it would’ve been pretty sweet if he could’ve won that and a title for being sexy all in the same week. Whatever, People. Kris you’ll always have my heart as my first MLB boyfriend. Props to my dad who pointed him out to me then told me I definitely had a chance.

And as a bonus add:

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Because until he wins I’ll petition every single year. An all around entertainer and hunky slab of meat, JT has deserved to take home this W the most.

4. Meh on the Weekend. I’m very outspoken in the fact that Continuum is on my top ten CD’s of all time and I could listen to it forever and ever. Those were the days…back when JayMay was a little bit racist in Rolling Stone but crushed the soulful music. Then he disappeared and came back soft and put out shitty music. When he announced new music last week I was rubbing my hands together in anticipation and I gotta be honest I feel a little let down. I’ll give it a chance because JT’s big comeback was Suit & Tie (barf forever) and then he crushed it with the 20/20 experience but still…not impressed big J.

5a. Lucas Scott, the novelist. Chad Michael Murray wrote a romance novel and it’s not called The Comet. Psh. Sounds lame AF. No seriously though, I got excited for a Lucas Scott original IRL until I saw that it was an adventure novel with dabbles of romance. Count me OUT.

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5b. In related news, the OTH gang reunited for the 100th convention last weekend in Chicago (where Sophia Bush films her TV show) and they still could only get about 4 characters to show up. We did get a little Scott brothers action though and for that I am thankful.

Bonus points for Taylor James making an appearance. CAUSE WHAT IS A OTH CONVENTION WITHOUT HER?!

I realize I kind of mailed in the JUice this week and for that I apologize and leave you with this picture of a FLAWLESS* Blake Lively hitting the red carpet for the first time since baby numero dos was born.

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Playlist

Best of OTH Mix Part 2

The Tree Hill gang (well….Lucas, Haley and every minor character who ever appeared on the show) gathered once again recently in Wilmington for another OTH convention and it made me nostalgic. Mostly because the ghost of Keith showed up looking like this, un-ironically I’m assuming and I longed for the time when he was missing or dead.

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Just kidding, I longed for the time when there would be a big moment on the show and I would immediately need to download the song that scored it. So I decided to make a second OTH mix, this one with less famous beats and a little more of the feels, so save it for a rainy day (I’m talking to you, Naley…WINK)

PS In case you’re having a hard time remembering who those characters are in the convention picture, I’ll just throw it out there that one of them MURDERED QUENTIN AND TRIED TO MURDER BROOKE. So glad he could make it in place of Q. NAHT.

The Mixed Tape- Jack’s Mannequin. The love of my life and piano extraordinaire Andrew McMahon was an important part of Tree Hill when he made the music video for this song starring Peyton in her infamously artsy room. The mixed tape also played over the basketball game where Lucas nails Chris Keller in the face with the ball mid-play. Win, win for everyone.

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Sweet Silver Lining- Kate Voegele. Remembz season six when we all knew Lucas and Peyton weren’t coming back for season seven but instead of being gracious about it the writers threatened Peyton’s life every few episodes? Well this came after the first death scare and before the second at her quickie wedding to Lucas. Mia dedicated this song to her and was like “Hey Peyton, this is for you because you keep almost dying. Love ya, girl—enjoy 4 hours of marriage before you collapse.” I also saw Kate perform this live before the episode aired and she didn’t give out any spoilers, which is pretty selfish if you ask me.

Always Love- Nada Surf. Here’s an uplifting beat to distract you from the other kind of depressing ones on this mix (Peyton-nobody understands me-style.) Nada Surf just wants us all to be lovers, not fighters and it plays at the beginning of season three when Lucas and Haley are writing their senior year predictions. Even though Naley is on the outs for this one, the song gives us hope that my fave couple would stop being idiots and get back together. Haley writes out “Nathan and I will be together again,” and I’m guessing she didn’t think that would include an infant by graduation when she jotted that one down. After she hides it behind the brick, Nathan walks her to class with his hand on the small of her back and it gives me all the Naley tingles.

More Than Anyone- Gavin DeGraw. Speaking of Naley tingles, this is one of their anthems. Gav scores their first rain kiss after the big porno fight (so precious) and then at their 2nd wedding, as their first dance. I’m also going to assume Jimmy Jam was conceived to this song. Just a hunch.

Sing, Theresa Says-Greg Laswell. In season four we finally see Peyton and Lucas get together and because Peyton has eternally been such a dark cloud of death and stalkers, Lucas pretty much expects to always be saving her from somebody trying to kill her. Peyton tries to convince him that she’s so happy now that he loves her and is like omg music is so much better when we’re together then tries to impress Lucas by shazaaming this song. No seriously she shows off an app. Technology is ruining relationships.           

War Sweater- Wakey!Wakey! Since everything is in extremes, Lucas and Peyton are either happy as clamz or in distress and this song represents the latter. The two get married right quick so their child isn’t born illegitimate and instead of some nice wedding night sex, Peyton gets the wedding night bleeds (not the pure kind) and almost dies NBD but KBD. This plays as she’s rushed to the hospital and the baby is born and everyone wah wahs about her waking up. What will your legacy be, Peyton? Will you almost eat it and then drive away from a town you’ve lived in your whole life without saying goodbye? Just wondering. 

Missing You- Tyler Hilton. Couldn’t make a One Tree Hill mix without our favorite sexy villain Chris Keller. This is a nice remake that Chris did probably with the studio time that Dan Scott paid for and it played during another epic Naley rain scene in season 3 when they’re stressed about picking colleges away from each other. Seems like a conflict of interest to listen to Chris Keller while they’re smushing but whatever turns Haley on, right?

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Here Comes a Regular- The Replacements. Back to the sappies, here’s the song that Ellie said was her favorite of all time because she saw it live at Woodstock (probz stoned) and coincidentally (not) it played while she slowly and sadly died amongst her records, only for her daughter to find her corpse. Doesn’t that leave you with the warm and fuzzies? Side and unrelated note, I’ve listened to this song roughly 100 times and for the life of me I still can’t figure out one lyric to it. I usually just sing along with inaudible sounds.

Middle of Nowhere- Hot Hot Heat. I went through a hardcore punk pop phase in my early teen years and therefore this song got a lot of play time.Fortunately for me, Peyton went through the same phase for all of One Tree Hill and it worked out really well for my iPod. Lucky for everyone else this song is fun punk and not everyone hates me and I want to die punk.

Times Like These (Acoustic)- Foo Fighters. Dave Grohl didn’t just make the hot musicians I want to bang list on Peyton’s closet door—he also got to complete one of the weirdest and most unrealistic moments of One Tree Hill. The gang graduates and MID-SPEECH, Haley’s like oopsie I just flooded the stage with my amniotic fluids before I even got the chance to grab my diploma! It’s times like going into labor at high school graduation you learn to live again, is what I hear. #Inspiration

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Quicksand- Haley James Scott. Again, we can’t give kudos to One Tree Hill’s music without including their #1 Tutor Girl turned Pop Star. This is a later season gem (probably the only one…her music career PLUMMETS) from right after Lucas and Peyton PEACED up outta there. We come back for season 7 and Haley records this song with an interesting hat perched atop her wild red curly mane. I think the song’s supposed to reassure us that things will be fine without two of the main characters but I was more convinced that Haley had turned into a hippy who smelled like patchouli with the loss of her BFF.

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23- Jimmy Eat World. This band was almost singlehandedly the soundtrack to One Tree Hill with the amount of songs that they played, some of them performed by the band themselves at Tric because obviously high schoolers can book Jimmy Eat World for a casual Friday night hang. I understand that this song is 7 minutes long and that’s asking a lot of our short attention span culture to listen to in full but I also would like to add that it’s a phenomenal song. AND it plays during the pivotal last moments of season 2 where Peyton has suddenly procured a coke addiction, Jake comes back mid-drug deal to tell her to knock it off and Haley (a married woman teenager) kisses Chris Keller and is like let’s go on tour together and leave my hot husband at home waiting with the delicious dinner he just cooked for me. Also Dan Scott is about to get BURNED. Literally. SO MUCH DRAMA all to the tune of this moody song.

Heartbeats- José González. This is a song for all the Leyton fans. The Ravens win the state championship, dreams have come true, confetti is falling and Lucas takes one glance at Peyton’s chicken legs as she awkwardly stares off into space with no one to talk to and he finally tells her, “It’s you, you’re the one I want next to me when all my dreams come true.” And they smooch among the celebrations, end scene. Except not end scene because rumor has it that some girl at the Return To Wilmington convention asked him to recite the line to her. So apparently he’ll just say it to anyone. Lucas is such an “It’s you” whore.

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Be Yourself- Audioslave. Here’s another one of those famous montage songs that One Tree Hill likes to plop at the end of each season finale to sum everything up. Played at the end of season 2 we see Karen going to New Zealand for some summer lovin with Andy, Deb thinking about how she’s about to kill her husband, Nathan moving back home and Peyton just staring at her own art about people always leaving but also sometimes coming back. Does that bother anyone else? You can’t make a sweeping statement and then be like JK sometimes it ends up different just because your friend is sad.

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Lavinia- The Veils. While we’re on the topic of Deb plotting to kill her husband…remember when Dan Scott was poisoned and set on fire? Of course you do because he became mayor JUST to find out who did it. Seems like a lot of work, but whatevs. This song is creepy and weird and I LOVE IT. It played over the big dumpster fire that was once Dan Scott Motors while D-Money’s lifeless body was trapped inside. That is, until Lucas decided to be a hero and pull him to safety. I thank Lucas for that because if he hadn’t, we would have never seen Dan say to a couple of hookers “Take a hike, bitches” in season four.

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Sidewalks [Acoustic]- Story Of The Year. What a great angsty number this is. It also played while Peyton and Jake boned for the first time. Yaassss. Team Jake foreva. What a stud he was…and a GREAT teen father. Of course the Angel of Death had to screw that one up.

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The Adventure- Angels & Airwaves. Here’s a feel good jam from the former singer of Blink 182 and just so that you’ll always have a happy memory associated with it, when Lucas quits bball because his heart can’t hang, Nathan dominates the Ravens and gets his mojo back for a hot winning streak at the end of season three. Direct quote from Nathan “Sex Machine” Scott, “You might wanna stay out of my way for a while.” He also throws down a slam-dunk then runs over to Haley mid-game and says she might want to bang him pre-wedding because he knows how sexy he looks. It’s safe to say that Haley promptly soaks her cheer uniform, because who wouldn’t?

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Lesson Learned- Ray LaMontagne. We can’t always be on a high and that’s why we need to bring it back down with our soulful boy, Ray. He croons on about learning lessons in his raspy voice while Nathan most certainly learns the lesson to never borrow money from thugs again because his preggers wife just got hit by a car. Also Lucas probz learned the lesson to stop being so casj about his shitty heart as he collapses right next to Hales for a little BFF ambulance trip/extended stay. Shall we call this a lesson learned?           

Ride- Cary Brothers. This song midas whale have been written about Peyton and her cool ass Comet. “The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning.” That’s a pretty powerful vintage whip right thurr. Lindsey pieces this all together at the altar, which is suuuupes embarrassing for her that it took that long for her to figure out that her fiancé was in love with someone else but anyway we get a nice little flashback to Lucas towing Peyton’s car and her being a real twat to him.

Boston- Augustana. It’s unfortunate that this song is named after the city I just aggressively moved out of but what’re you gonna do. I remember when it first came out I had just gotten back from Spain for a little study abroad stint at the ripe age of 15 and I felt it was cool and cultural to put my AIM away message as “I think I’ll get a lover and fly them out to Spain.” None of which applied to my life but because I had been to Spain I obviously felt like I had the right to use a lyric about lovers and being rich enough to fly them anywhere. Nathan and Haley were lovers who got to fly nowhere because on their way to the airport while this song was so adorably playing and they were glowing in anticipation of honeymoon sex they got rerouted when Nathan jumped into a river to save his hot Uncle Cooper from dying. Hope they got their money back for those tix to London because non-refundable flights can be a real bitch.

Thanks for putting your earphones in, Keith Scott Motors hood up, and taking this dribble over the Tree Hill memory bridge with me. It’s been a real hoot and now you have two full bangalicious OTH mixes to reflect with. So don’t say I never gave you anything.

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Television

OTH Convention: Return to Tree Hill

Full disclozsh: this blog is specifically for One Tree Hill superfans like myself, others will find it very, very weird.

This weekend was a One Tree Hill convention in Wilmington, NC (Tree Hill) and it was a big deal because it was the first one held in the US. Apparently Europe is more aggress about organizing OTH reunions (there was a big one in Paris a few months ago) because they’ve had a bajillion and we’ve never had one, which makes no sense but whatevz. Basically these conventions get all of the actors back together and have a bunch of Q&A’s, photo ops and meet & greets. As a devout OTH fan myself, I legitimately looked into going to this but then Sophia Bush hadn’t signed on yet and all the tickets swiftly sold out (who buys tix before Brooke Davis is confirmed?) Anywho, it probably worked out for the best that I didn’t have to start a new job and ask for advance vacation so that I could go to a fictional town and pretend a teen show that ended 4 years ago is real life. Instead, I binged my favorite episodes of season 3 (Naley Forever…and always) and stalked the convention on social media so I could create this one stop shop for an assortment of pictures and videos from the weekend for your entertainment.

The crew they assembled:

By character name- Whitey, Skillz, Jimmy Edwards, Bevin, Junk, Fergie, Felix, Andy, Chuck, Davis (Brooke and Julian’s son), Grubbs, Mouth, Chase, Chris Keller, Lucas, Peyton. (Basically their two leads who ditched the show 3 seasons before it ended were the top billing for this convention.)

Notably missing- Brooke, Julian, Haley, Nathan, Quinn, Clay, Alex, Millie, Dan, Keith, Karen, Deb, Rachel, Jamie, Mia, Nanny Carrie…

Q&A Highlight with Hilarie and Stephen

Words of Love from B.Davis:

Formal Apology from CMM for season 9 mullet:

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More hair mocking:

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Weird Fan pics (apparently reenacting scenes is a big thing):

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My favorite is probably the two girls reenacting the don’t say I never gave you anything scene and the fact that the person who posted it said they were new friends. Because who doesn’t meet a new person and immediately ask them to recreate a famous couples scene from One Tree Hill for Insta? All the uncomfies. Also, girl who showed up in a Ravens cheerleading uniform, do less.

Meet & Greet/ Event Pics with Cast:

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This last picture is apparently Brooke Davis’s INFANT son. Like he was an ACTUAL baby on the show, and now people are paying to take pictures with him? Is this real life? No it’s Tree Hill.  It was nice of Skills to show up (is he on parole?) wearing a shirt that says Black Jesus. You do you, Skills. He also apparently told everyone he can’t get verified on Twitter because he follows too many porn stars. Michael Copon, AKA the guy who got cheeked by Kim Kardashian, returned to Brooke’s house. I wonder if he also took a quick dip in the pool?

Other Highlights:

-Chuck now has a singing career (not Broadway related like his character), and belted out the theme song at his Q&A, pictured above. I’ll spare your ears the video…

-In relation to ear shattering videos, Tyler Hilton invited a fan onstage to sing Haley’s part of When the Stars Go Blue (the disrespect is so real) and she was really really terrible at singing. I covered my eyes and ears for the whole 20 second video. I can’t imagine hearing the whole song.

-Bevin looks like a dime piece

-Fans demanded dance reenactments. Bevin did the Spice Girls dance (she forgot most of it, because who would actually expect these people to remember a dance they did for one scene five years ago?) and Skillz/Mouth were asked to do their strip tease dance. Also Michael Copon apparently had a singing appearance on That’s So Raven and they made him do that for the crowd as well. Suuuper embarrassing.

-This interaction:

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-Shout out from Quinnie

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-Almost Boy Toy Auction: Part 2

And there you have it, the highlights from a Nathan Scott-less OTH celebration (and what a damn shame).

Don’t say I never gave you anything…

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UPDATE: Here is the fan-made video they played several times throughout the weekend…it’s definitely not dramatic or anything.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

1. THE MOST IMPORTANT NEWS RELATED TO THE SUPER BOWL THIS WEEK: Budweiser releases some teaser footage of their annual ad full of puppies and horsies. This year’s ad is called “Lost Dog” and I think I speak for all white girls when I say I CAN’T EVEN with these clips and pictures of the wittle baby puppy wandering around lost and scared. Budweiser better deliver that happy ending, I barely sat through Homeward Bound and I cannot handle another pet being lost. We don’t need another Sarah Mclachlan travesty of a commercial on our hands, Bud.

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Since we don’t know the outcome of this little guy’s muddy adventure just yet, let’s pick ourselves back up by watching last year’s ad “Puppy Love”

Enjoy crying into your buffalo wing dip this year at the Super Bowl.

2. Ellie Goulding released the music video for Love Me Like You Do off of the Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack. I’m including this for all my 50 Shades Fanatics. I haven’t read the book because if I’m going to read a novel about BDSM I’d prefer that my mom and grandma haven’t read the same one. I probably won’t see the movie either because I saw the chemistry between these two at the Golden Globes and it wasn’t worth a sizzle reel. However, this song is catchy and I can get down with it. So jam out and enjoy some lip biting, long stares and O faces set to Ellie’s magical voice, you wacky sex fiends.

BONUS: In related 50 Shades news this week, apparently the scene from the book including a tampon being ripped from Ana’s vag will NOT be included in the film, which is a shame really because nothing gets me going quite like my uterine wall shedding every month.

3. Chad Michael Murray got married to Sarah Roemer and they’re expecting. Don’t know who Sarah Roemer is? A quick trick to figure out who CMM is dating is to browse the cast list of his most recent TV Show/Movie.

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Chad is a co-star whore. It all started with Sophia Bush on OTH, then “allegedly” Paris Hilton on House of Wax and finally he was engaged to extra Kenzie Dalton from OTH for like ever and most recently was Nicky Whelan also his co-star from Chosen (awwkkk these three worked together and he boned both.) He can’t keep his hands home while he’s working apparently. He’s been dating Sarah since August, so it’s obviously reaaall serious. I hope for all One Tree Hill fans that he called Sarah last minute from the airport to get hitched in Vegas. And she showed up and said, You’re a mess, Chad Michael Murray–But you’re my mess. Cue the ambiguous too-deep-for-high-school literature quote:

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4. Mrs. Doubtfire to become a musical. Alan Menken who is like the #1 Disney composer revealed that he’s been writing music for the musical version of Mrs. Doubtfire and Harvey Fierstein will be writing the book. Fierstein played the brother who did the infamous Mrs. Doubtfire makeover in the movie. My thoughts on this childhood favorite of mine becoming a musical can be summed up in one word: NOOOOOOOOOOOO. Seriously not everything needs to be sung. Three thousand thumbs down to this idea and the film’s sequel as well. Leave the classic alone, poppets.

5. JLo dished on Watch What Happens Live and continued her fashion tour of “I’m 45 and I’ll leave my tits and ass out as much as I please”.

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When asked about her exes, JLo revealed that clearly she doesn’t go for looks, delivering a nice zinger to her ex-husband and father of her children, Marc Anthony. Yeah girl, we know. Also she’s still willing to rob the cradle, which we all assumed by her recent wardrobe choices and her affinity to get reeeall close with her baby costar from the glorified Lifetime movie that came out last weekend “Boy Next Door”. (Unrelated: does anyone wanna go see that with me? Let me know.)

Bonus: Nick Jonas grabbed his junk again. This time in a suit. You’re welcome ladies…

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