Tag Archives: James Corden

JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 2/15/16

1. I’m old.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15jJFlIHBEk

This was apparently so that old people could understand this song, but like I needed it just as much as the next geezer. Pretty hilar that “Instagram” translates to posting pictures for strangers to like. I mean, that’s basically what it is, but saying it like that makes it sound a whole lot more like an AIM chatroom for sexual predators. Either way, let’s all promise to go HAM sammich this weekend.

2. Happy Endings Movie.

suh cyuht

So, a wealthy investor offered to fund a Happy Endings movie and David Caspe didn’t say yes? Well that’s just PREPOSTEROUS. If you’re not going to do a movie, at least hop on that Netflix Nostalgia and choo-choo your way to another season full of Alex burying her face in a full rack of ribs and Penny giving me 100 new annoying abbrevs to use ad nauseam.

happyendings ribs

3. Pacey Wins.

It’s how many years later and Dawson’s still a big loser with a capital L. James Corden put Joey Potter on the hotspot this week and asked the real hard-hitting questions…who was a better kisser, Pacey or Dawson. After squirming around, Ryan Reynolds stepped right in and gave us the most obvious answer ever. OF COURSE Pacey was a better kisser… I mean he slept with his teacher when he was like 16. He had PLENTY of practice. Dawson practiced on a mannequin.

dawson-crying-gif

4. Don’t Sleep on the Stapletons.

Chris Stapleton has been the country singer to watch this year as he’s sweeping awards and duetting with JT like nobody’s biz. This duet with his wife was just officially released (they cover it at their shows) and I can’t say I’ve ever been a fan of the song “You Are My Sunshine” but this version is rad. Good for “rocking on your front porch while sipping a whiskey” jam.

Click here to listen.

Also it took a lot for me to say that considering my blind rage toward the lyric “You are my sunshine” ever since the wall decor section in Teej was ‘sploding with variations of it for FAR TOO LONG. Sorry, I just got mad again while reliving the pain. HOW MANY DIFFERENT WAYS CAN YOU HIGHLIGHT SUNSHINE IN YELLOW ON A CANVAS? Ugh. Now I need to listen to the Stapletons soothing voices again to calm me down. Full disclosure-it’s entirely possible that I’m on a TJX Companies black list for the amount of time I spent in the store rearranging their signs for this perfect picture. WORTH IT.

Screen Shot 2016-02-18 at 10.20.43 PM

5.  The Rachel is making a comeback.

This is technically not from this week but it’s still worth watching. Vanessa’s Rachel impression might’ve made the Salty before, but this was full in costume and with a touch of Friends racism, so it’s better. Even Pheebs thinks so. Also it’s more entertaining than the fake-out Friends reunion that they’re still trying to trick everyone with.

BONUS: Blake doing the damn thing during fashion week.

I did not wake up like this. 🎶

A photo posted by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on

 

blakenyfw

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 1/11/16

1. Brett’s drunk and sexy. 

The song is obviously a banger and the video gives the ladies what they want: double the Brett. ALSO a pure bonus is the fact that Brett’s brother makes a cameo and is equally as sexy as Brett. Two thumbs up and fine holiday fun to the Eldredge brothers. I wouldn’t mind being the meat in that sandwich. Too much? Too little? Just enough?

Screen Shot 2016-01-14 at 8.18.49 PM

 

2. Adele’s Got Flow

What did we learn on the latest edition of Carpool Karaoke? Adele misses her mouth just as much as I do when drinking. *Stars, they’re just like us* She’s a closet rapper. She kind of talks like Eliza Doolittle. I want to be her friend…especially if she gets drunk and hands people money. Also James has got some pipes apparently? Even Adele was impressed. PS OF COURSE IT WAS RAINING IN ENGLAND. Double PS, Posh & Nicki approve:

 

3. Oscar Noms are Accidentally(?) Racist.

Click here to see full list.

The nominations for the most boring and lengthy awards show ever have been announced and apparently it was a little heavy on the whites. I can’t comment to any of the nominations specifically because I watch movies like The Duff and have not seen one single flick in the running. However, if Leo doesn’t take home the W, we strike. (JK I’ll never strike. I’m much too obsessed with myself to ever starve the world of my opinions during awards season.) Anyway, back on topic, the lack of diversity among nominees just guarantees us some edgier and “funny because it’s true” material from host Chris Rock. Don’t let us down, Chris. Also pls try to tell inapprops jokes without swear words or else we’ll be forced to listen to the bleep button all night again like a bunch of preschoolers.

4. Chelsea Does Drugs.

Watch trailer here.

Chelsea Handler ended her talk show on E a couple years ago so that she could sign a deal with Netflix for standup and an original series, where she apparently just tries different things each episode. Unfortunately, the first one is where she literally just does drugs. I think it’s time to call it a wrap on my girl Chels. I’ve read all her books and used to religiously watch her show but like c’mon, I don’t need to see her do hallucinogens. Plus, that little nugget Chuy is nowhere to be found creepily calling her Miss Chelsea. No thanks.

5. Friends Reunion-NAHT.

Friends

It’s a REAL slow news week, and therefore I’m going to rant so hard. Hey everyone on Facebook, this is not a real Friends reunion. Some of the actors from Friends (and Will & Grace) are gathering to talk about a director and that’s that. If I see one more Buzzfeed or status about how everyone’s peeing their pants in excitement for a Friends comeback I’m going to lose my shit. Friends isn’t coming back. I want you to think long and hard about what you’ve done to not make this happen.

unagi

RIP 1D (for real this time…probably.) Remember them fondly through this music video, handpicked by the biggest directioner I know.

 

Also since I feel so bad about this week’s JUice being mud, please accept this adorable vid of dog BFF’s hugging as a consolation prize:

 

 

 

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 12/14/15

HEAVY video week. Hope you have headphones at work 🙂

1. Fuller House Sets the date!

After teasing at this show for months and months salivating over what characters would come back and where to set our expectations…we finally have a short trailer and release date. Look, I went into this reallllll nervous with PTSD flashbacks to the Boy Meets World-Girl Meets World transition. But Netflix knew that. And so they tugged right at my heart strings with the Miranda Lambert song and flashes of the iconic house. There’s even a Comet 2.0. Now I’m amped. February 26th can’t come soon enough. (If you want to get even more excited, check out my blog about what characters NEED to come back HERE.)

2. 1D Gives us 1LastGift. 

Before going on hiatus for (ever?) a while… 1D gives us the gift that keeps on giving here. Everyone who reads my blog knows that James Corden could do carpool karaoke with a rock and it would be my favorite thing ever made. Obviously he’s been trying to squeeze his way into the band for some time now and this was no different. Props for his rap segment. Also sucks to suck for the double L sandwich in the backseat. With the amount of greasy hair flipping that Harry did in addition to wailing every high note I’m gonna guess it’s not gr8 to be roadtrip buddies with him. Harry rides bitch like nobody else. Ain’t nobody gonna stop him from shining.

3. Jason Derulo is Magic Mike.

I know that music videos aren’t that hip anymore and not a lot of people like watching them but if you don’t watch 30 seconds of this and walk away impressed by Jason’s dance swag then we can’t be friends. I saw him live this summer (fo free, yasss) and he put on a SHOW. He didn’t stop moving the entire concert and it was beyond impressive. It didn’t hurt that he took his shirt off and flaunted those washboard abs either but whatevs. That’s why he’s Magic Mike IRL. I can always appreciate a fresh dancer because my moves begin and end with a side step and a head bop.

4. Will Ferrell as New Santa.

It’s been a while since we’ve had a Fallon clip on the JUice and it seemed right this week. Will Ferrell is constantly popping up on the show in weird costumes and doing random bits but this one made me giggle a little. As a “modern” santa (that gives off Guy Fieri vibes), Will talks about his love of Smashmouth while he fires off a t-shirt gun. Oh Santa, you’re such a bruh.

5. WOOK AT DA WITTLE BABIES.

A normal Friday Night Lights throwback pic is the best of the best. An FNL throwback pic where Riggins is wearing a silk shirt haphazardly buttoned? Game changer.

BONUS: Merry Christmas from the most beautiful Royals ever to exist.

royalchristmas.jpg

 Have a nice weekend. Something, something, May The Force Be With You…

JK go see Sisters this weekend.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 11/30/15

1. British Invasion SuperBowl.

LONDON – SEPTEMBER 27: (EMBARGOED FOR PUBLICATION IN UK TABLOID NEWSPAPERS UNTIL 48 HOURS AFTER CREATE DATE AND TIME) Chris Martin of Coldplay with singer Beyonce Knowles attend the after party following the concert by Jay-Z at The Royal Albert Hall, at Movida on September 27, 2006 in London, England. (Photo by Dave M. Benett/Getty Images)

Before the news broke that Coldplay would be doing the halftime show this year, they released a song with Queen B (Listen Here.) Now that I think about it he was probably buttering up the Beyhive (all of America) so we would be more accepting to the halftime show news. Look, if I can’t have Taylor Swift (and we all know she deserves a halftime gig) then I will settle for Coldplay. They’re good shit and as long as they don’t allow gorillas to dance around the stage, I accept.

2. Sandra’s New Nugget.

sandraandlaila

Sandy adopted a little girl named Laila and now she’s got two kids and a silver fox boyfriend so like obviously her life is fabulous. I actually don’t have much to say about this gossip because I don’t love children a whole lot but I’m just happy that Sandra is winning life after all that drama with her dirt ex-husband. People don’t forget, Jesse.

3. MK Gets Married.

mk

Last weekend Mary Kate Olsen married bro of French pres, Olivier Sarkozy, who’s pretty old. I’m obviously going to need a little time to cope as 1/2 of my childhood twin idols married a French geezer and had bowls of cigarettes at her wedding. When did it all go wrong? Also lolz to the fact that I’m assuming this is Olivier’s child pictured below and MK is the same height/looks like she’s the same age–the only way you can tell them apart is the way that MK is clutching onto that cigg with a death grip.

mkandolivier

Here’s to many more years of creepy pictures and dark cloaks that smell like stale smoke, you two! (I assume that’s almost exactly what was given for a toast…it’s like an enchanting nursery rhyme)

"In the blink of an eye." Congrats MK. X

A photo posted by John Stamos (@johnstamos) on

4. Princess Charlotte is precious.

Because we’re all so obsessed with the Royal fam, they were like I guess we’ll throw those trash Americans a bone and released new pics of Charlotte around Thanksgiving. She is quite literally the second most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen. (First born George takes the W, obv.) If Will & Kate had a Facebook I don’t even think I’d hate it if they posted a daily photo of their kids like I do when everyone on social media whose ever birthed a child does. THAT’S how perfect their babies are. Highest compliment I could probably ever give.

5. Harry gets Tatted on TV.

1D goes on the Late Late show to play Tattoo Roulette and obviously they make it REAL dramats trying to make you think that it’s possible James or tat-free Niall might have to get inked. Realistically you know from the start it’s going to be Harry because he gives 0.0 F’s and has a trillion tattoos already. Yet it was still pretty entertaining to watch.

Also leave it to James to have Billy Crystal just chillin and get a member of 1D to sit on his lap:

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 11/09/15

1. Missy is bringing music videos back.

Missy was obviously always releasing bangers back in her heyday but she was also known for her extravagant videos with dancing and makeup and weird shit happening. Now that she’s officially BACK (and it’s about damn time because it’s been a century since she ripped the halftime show right out of Katy Perry’s claws) she is bringing the art of the music video back with her. This video had cartoon makeup, lifelike puppets, PhunkeeDucks, etc, etc. The Queen is back, betches.

2. Isn’t it ironic? Don’t ya think?

Props to Alanis for being in on the joke that is “Ironic”. It’s like raaaaainnnnnnnn on your wedding day! Not anymore though, now it’s like they announce a new iphone the day after you buy it. That’s 1000x worse than a no smoking sign on your cigarette break. Jus sayin, the Apple FOMO is real. James is quickly becoming my favorite late night host to make an ass of himself in front of celebrities too. He crushed the end solo.

3. Sequels on Sequels. It’s like releasing the same movie with a “2” in the title, 10 years later. And isn’t it ironic? Sorry. That song is still in my head and also I find it annoying that sequels with this much time between the first and the second movie are still happening. First up is Finding Dory, aka Finding Nemo about Dory. Dory has short term memory loss and wants to find her family or something. Finding Nemo is 12 years old. Seems like this would’ve been a great idea like no more than 5 years after the first one was made so it was still fresh. But whatevs, I’m not in the movie biz so what do I know.

Next up is My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2. Not going to lie, I 100% thought that the parents in this movie were dead now. They were old in the first movie (made 13 YEARS AGO) and if this trailer proves anything it’s that Hollywood people apparently live forever. That was a dumb sentence but I stand by it, and also I’m in a hurry to finish the JUice because I’m hungry. It’s been a whole five minutes since I’ve last eaten something. ANYWHO, everyone is older in this movie and there’s a new generation of Greeks that are embarrassed by their family. It’ll still be funny judging by this trailer and I’ll still watch it but like originality points are 0.0.

4. I love dem bad girls.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIe6UU0Xoac

This was on last week’s SNL and it DIDN’T have Trump in it. Win, win. I’ve always been partial to these newer SNL skits with all the females acting ridiculous–the popular songs that they released about going home for the holidays were gold. Even though this isn’t their original song it’s still a perfect skit for anyone who can relate to being a pretend badass. For the record, I always ask for a water cup at Panera and then put water in it. They give you clear cups so THEY’LL KNOW IF YOU STEAL. I’m not a savage.

5. The Rock is the man and he knows it.

Apparently The Rock has a girlfriend and she’s real preggers. The hashtags say everything you need to know about The Rock.  JUST OVER HERE MAKING BABIES AND STUFF! I imagine when his girlfriend broke the news that he upturned a table and shouted YEAH. ALL DAY. ALL DAY, BABY.

BONUS, another Hills wedding…

The most tolerable of Hills characters, the classiest of Teen Vogue, Whitney Port got married over the weekend and looked like a beaut. There were no stories about Hills cast members attending the wedding because she’s a real human who separated herself from the show and only appeared once in a while to look shocked and over-pronounce her “ing” words. Anyway, she looked cool, fun and trendy on her wedding day and I approve. I wonder if Lisa Love would though?

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 11/2/15

1. Ohhhhhhh, ah, ahhhhhhhhh this is ALLL THATTT, this is ALLLL THAAATTT. The OG cast of ALL THAT! reunited recently at Comikaze and I didn’t recognize anyone but Laurie Beth Denberg and Kel soooo yiiikkkeessss. But they were really excited to be famous again for a hot second and they all sang the entire theme song, originally done by TLC of course. Some of them also made an appearance at Comicon in October to throw it back to their famous characters and tell stories from back in the day so it will only be a matter of time until someone ships an All That official reunion or revival. One person we know won’t be joining in is Amanda Bynes, for obvious reasons. Also it’s been 20 years since the premiere of All That so bye, I’m ancient. I sincerely hope that piece of JUice was vital information for your every day life.

2. Say Hello To Your Friends…Babysitters Club. 

I feel like there will never be a week where I don’t include 90’s reunions because it’s all the rage these days. Sarry not sarry bout it that the 90s were the shit. Your favorite kid-loving, business-minded girlies reunited in Austin, TX this week. Why? Oh, cause it’s also their 20th anniversary….woo00oooff. They all cuddled around each other and reminisced on the days when they spent a whole summer playing with snot-nosed kids. Who would ever choose that. But anyway, noticeably missing was Claudia–did they freeze her out because she almost didn’t pass that science test? (The brain, the brain, the center of the chain.) The girls are seen cozying up to Cokie Mason, so I guess they settled their differences with her. More importantly what does Logan look like now? Is he still a dreamboat. So many questions, most will never be answered. Oh, awkward, I guess one of my questions was just answered by the below tweet. HOW DO YOU LOSE A HUMAN?

3. Jason Derulo is on even when he’s hungover. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fJ-TdyZtKE

Leave it to Jason to be clubbin it up until 6am and still be on fire with energy and charisma the next day. James Corden takes singers out for carpool karaoke every once in a while and it’s pretty much always hilarious but it’s not a secret that I have a monster crush on Jason Derulo and if you also do, then this 10 minute video is must-see-TV. When I’m in my car alone I like to refer to it as a concert and you better believe I’m hitting every high note. When someone else joins me in the car I immediately tone it down to whisper singing obviously because they haven’t paid the proper admission for my angel octaves. The fact that James Corden is driving with the actual singer of the music he’s listening to and he’s not holding back is awesome. No shame. Except for maybe those orthopedic sneaks he’s rocking during the dance scene.

4. Good news for your whiny emotional 13 year old self.

Good Charlotte is making a comeback. It’s possible that you might be thinking they have a more mature sound now that they’re both married adults, one with two children. Nope they sound exactly the same as the two whiny bitches who sang about murdering a girl’s boyfriend so they could be together. If you ever went through an emo punk rock phase in middle or high school you will rejoice in their new song. Here’s a peep at the chorus: “Like I’m dying tonight and the whole world is laughing, like everyone I love has gone away.” It’s such a shame that AIM doesn’t exist anymore because that would be a perfect away message for a rainy day…ending of course in LIFE’S A BITCH AND THEN YOU DIE. If you’re feeling like you might be a little too old and more emotionally well-adjusted with life to join Good Charlotte on their second musical journey, feel free to look back on the top angsty hits of your past years with my killer playlist here!

5. RHOBH New Season is Upon Us. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oy31RbsP9zw

And the most interesting part about this trailer is Gigi Hadid & Joe Jonas canoodling. No. Seriously. Not even Andrea Bocelli announced in YoYo’s fabulous accent could distract from the 1 second of teenage superstar interaction. Since everyone wanted to murder Brandi and her only ally on the show went back into rehab, we are down two characters which means of course that we will have two separate staged “hey thanks for coming over everyone, I want you to meet my friend blah blah blah, I think she will get along great in our group.” One would think after so many different cities and season of the Housewives franchise, Andy would have found a better way to assimilate new cast members into the group they’re being paid to hang out with on camera, but whateva. I will be recapping until I want to stab my eyes out. At least I still have my girl Yo to keep me sane.

BONUS: Becky & Jesse are forever the cool aunt & uncle.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 6/15/15

1. Channing Tatum. On the press circuit for Magic Mike:More Male Twerking to Ginuwine Music (Official title obv.) Channing has been flaunting those abzz and his dirty teenage boy humor all over the place. I don’t hate it one bit. After riding a float in last weekend’s Pride parade in LA with Matt Bomer (SWOON), he also did an AMA this week and let us in on some key Channing secrets.

channing-tatum-and-matt-bomer-dance-at-la-gay-pride-parade

In summary: He also gets lost in Matt Bomer’s eyes “made of dreams, rainbows and amazingness.” He learned how to dance by clubbin in Florida, there will be no full frontal nudity in Magic Mike XXL but there is little left to the imagination, he hearts pinterest and carebears, he adds cheetos to his PB&J, and he’s named is penis Gilbert. Welp there you have it folks. The most important tidbits from the mind of Channing. If you have a better attention span than me, you can read the full AMA here.

2. Hilary Duff brings back Lizzie Mcguire Movie Isabella accent. Hilary Duff’s shitty Italian accent MAKES the Lizzie McGuire movie pretty much golden. A loyal fan asked her this week to reenact it while she was promoting her new album and she happily obliged and I watched it and was embarrassed for her all over again. What a gem to entertain Lizzie McGuire fangirls. Fingers crossed she actually makes an Isabella dubsmash. That would be what dreams are made of.

3. Tim Riggins is single, everyone form a line behind me.

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While being interviewed for Elle magazine, Taylor Kitsch (forever and always Riggs) admits he’s single because he chooses not to balance a relationship with his hectic lifestyle. He wouldn’t want to ask a woman to wait for him for several weeks at a time while he’s doing press or filming. I’d just like to put it in writing for all the internet to hear, I will wait an indefinite amount of time for you, Riggs. Just let me know when you’re ready, no regrets. (coincidentally also his personal email sign off…sigh.)

4. Aziz Ansari and Jimmy Fallon show everyone how bad guys are at texting. Aziz just released a new book about how dating today sucks and to prove his point him and JFall played a little game called let’s remind girls how terrible guys are at texting. They read some embarrassing opening lines and I would like everyone who is in a relationship to have a moment of silence for what all of us single ladiezzz are dealing with. Although to be clear, it’s not just texting. I once had a guy who was chatting with me fart and then take a lap to air it out before returning and announcing that he just farted. Crushed it.

5. Kim K is a dum dum and everyone made fun of her. This doesn’t kount as Kardashian knews because I’m really just reporting on the bits that made fun of her…much more entertaining for all. Anyway, Kimmy wrote future Kimmy a letter that was so stupid I couldn’t even listen to more than one second of it. I could, however, listen to both Jimmy Kimmel and James Corden mock it on each of their shows. Enjoi.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgXl5DD2yKk

BONUS: While people are getting chomped on by sharks left and right (not funny, literally my greatest fear) Zac Efron is riding sharks in Hawaii.

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