Red Carpet

Grammy’s 2016 Red Carpet

WORST:

Lady Gaga

COME ON.

Janelle Monae

At first glance I thought she was holding a giant sun hat in front of her crotch. Nope, it’s just the dress. Glad she escaped old timey prison for the red carpet though.

Jaxon Bieber, Justin Bieber

DIRT STACHE.

Florence Welch

I think this is what they call “eclectic”. I call it arts and crafts.

Ciara

Ciara feels like she needs to show off her labia in hopes of tricking her boyfriend into having sex with her.

Nick Lachey, Vanessa Lachey

I miss Nick  & Jess.

The 58th GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Major key: Black tuxes are slimming. (Unless you’re bigger than a house.)

Giuliana Rancic

WUT IS THIS.

Tori Kelly

Love Tor Tor but this dress makes her look fat and I know she is NOT.

Grammy Awards 2016

Hey Bow Wow thanks for stopping by in your lace bib.

Selena Gomez

SEL, where’s your prom date?

Tove Lo

We get it Tove Lo, you’re badass.

Serayah

Serayah (sp?) has made the full transformation to Bad Girl RiRi

The 58th GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

MULLET. MULL.ET. BIZ IN THE FRONT, PARTY IN THE BACK.

The 58th GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Cam’s dress got caught in the paper shredder, apparently.

Kimberly Schlapman

Sooks to have the same color combo as T.Swift but look worse.

Karen Fairchild

Wonder how long it will take to get this dress off? Don’t get drunk Karen, you’ll be untying all night.

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Only Pharrell would roll through with white shades, a pearl necklace, his grandma’s sweater and a graphic tee. I can only hope the tee said something about brunch because Pharrell is white girl wasted in this getup.

BEST:

Mya

I didn’t even think Mya was still a thing but she looks bangin.

The 58th GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Don’t hate the darker locks.

Anna Kendrick

Classy AND hawt.

Charlie Puth

SPARKLE TUX! (insert jazz hands)

Alessandra Ambrosio

Every musician who attended these awards should be embarrassed because Alessandra just did the damn thing.

Chrissy Teigen, John Legend

POWER COUPLE.

Ariana Grande

I’m jelly of how skinny Ariana is .

The 58th GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Convinced Sam lost weight because Adele is back and he needs to remind everyone he still exists.

Demi Lovato

The new pantsuit. Elegant as hell with a few can tabs tossed in the mix.

Jack Antonoff

Jack is looking spiffy.

Entertainment: 58th Grammy Awards

Maroon suit GET AT ME.

The 58th GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

My Valentine ❤

The 58th GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

GOAT

Taylor Swift

I know it’s controversial of me to include this on my best dressed. But WHATEVA. I like it. She looks skinny AF and I bet she can sit with her legs wide open because she has built in shorts. I respect it. Obviously the Anna Wintour hair isn’t as welcome but it’s better than the slicked updo. END RANT. (Update: after seeing the dress move when she walked onstage, the underpiece actually looks like a diaper. So that’s weird.)

The 58th GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

Shocking twist: I don’t hate this.

Kaley Cuoco

Ugh whatever Kaley, we get it you’re in shape.

Adele

This picture doesn’t do her outfit justice, she’s such a skini minnie now.

FAVE LOOK OF THE NIGHT:

 

ELLIE! From left field! Everything crushes about this look.

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Red Carpet

Critics Choice Awards Red Carpet

I can’t say I’ve ever watched the Critics Choice Awards before, but I think I’m down with them now. People are winning for things I actually watched and they just allowed Amy Schumer to stand onstage for like 5 minutes saying whatever the hell she felt like. Those five minutes alone were better than the entire Golden Globes this year. Anyway, here’s the top and bottom looks of the night. (Disclaimer: there are 0 men on this list…apparently no boys were allowed on the red carpet or something.)

WORST:

niecynash

Girl, this makes you look like a frumpy wad of cotton candy. I don’t know why she just didn’t borrow from Chanel #5’s closet.

wendimclendon-covey

This is a super unfortunate flappy armpit fabric sitch.

mjblige

MJ Blige showing off her bicep tats with these sleeves.

zoekravitz

Creamsicle, dreamsicle.

melissamccarthy

Better than the Golden Globes Hefty bag but still not quite there.

januaryjones

Lite Brite Dress

jennifer-aniston-justin-theroux-critics-choice-awards-2016

Slow your roll with that slit, Jen. Could she have made it easier for a little under-the-table funny business?

rachel-bloom

One shoulder tops give me a very early 2000’s MK&A vibe.

mayim-bialik

Did she get dressed in the 17th century, question mark

sarah-paulson_0

I imagine this is what Wednesday Addams would wear if she was into sparkles.

BEST:

constancezimmer

Classic look for a winner.

shiriappleby

Let’s talk about the fact that she just gave birth like 4 minutes ago and looks like a dime.

livtyler

If I wore this dress I would also look like I was 3 months pregnant. Liv actually is.

americaferrara

A classy black party dress is always hot stuff.

emmyrossum

Now this is how you do a slit.

amyschumer

Amy looks like a smokeshow.

marissa-tomei

sAsSy & SaH CaYooTe

krysten-ritter

Perfect hair, perfect dress.

lesie-judd1

Both tulle looks from last night make me want a tutu real bad.

gina-rodriguez

What a vision.

kirsten-dunst

Normally tiered dresses like this are super unflattering but Kirsten’s so damn skinny that she pulls it off.

hayden-p

NIPS OUT FOR THE BOYS! Hayden’s back!

Fave look of the night/Girl Boner:

rachelmcadams

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Red Carpet

Golden Globes Red Carpet 2016

Since I’m immature I still watch E’s red carpet (I assume everyone does) and this year’s highlights included Giuliana being the most awkward bird alive-as always. She did a weird light saber fight with the kid from Room, asked everyone uncomfy questions and tried to make it all about herself. On the other hand, we had Ryan Seacrest whose approach to red carpet chat was throwing celebs together whether they had met or not. The best pair being Jennifer Lawrence and Katy Perry. As Katy blubbered on, J.Law gave a polite smile while her eyes said that she hated Katy and her Jersey Shore trash hair.

WORST:

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This isn’t your time to shine girl. Take your bumpit and go home.

NBC's "73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Red Carpet Arrivals

Mark Ruffalo with The Lovely Bones rape glasses.

NBC's "73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals

I have a strong feeling that Kate Winslet has worn this dress before.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

This dress doubles as a Mummy costume.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Curtains for the drawing room.

NBC's "73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Red Carpet Arrivals

I’m beginning to believe that Maggie just plays into always wearing something hideous. She’s got to be in on the joke at this point.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

When will people learn that ruffles are never flattering.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Sparkle trash bag

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

This is a whole lot.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Please see my ruffles  comment above.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Not in love with the dusty pink and vag golden leaves.

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1 fish, 2 fish, red fish, blue fish.

NBC's "73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals

Gina usually blows me away and this was just alright. But it does have pockets, which is every girl’s dream.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

I hate all aspects of this dress. It looks like something Kacey Musgraves would wear with her honkin cowboy boots and a hat.

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HOW did he get invited to this? Do you think he just stumbled upon the red carpet and starting throwing around finger gunz?! You just got HOFFED.

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“This black dress is kinda boring, let’s glue a giant bow to the front”- a rich designer, probably.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

The sequin overload is blinding and THEN there’s a cape.

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The glittery fire flames on her chest, though.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

What’s with the sparkle factory throw up trend?

NBC's "73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals

My annoyance of Maria is no secret but is she for serious with this cleavage?

Golden Globe Awards 2016-Arrivals

I mean I don’t really need to see proof that Nancy O’Dell got a Brazilian before she hit the carpet.

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This is a weird jumpsuit sitch.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

I love a good crop coord but the matching choker ruined this whole deal. Also if this is what abs look like on a girl I’m fine not having them.

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No thank you to the double breasted buttons

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I actually originally liked this look for JLo, you know cause her bits are covered and she still looks amahzing. But then my friend pointed out she looks like mustard and ketchup and now I can’t unsee it.

BEST:

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, America - 10 Jan 2016

SHE’S 70. DAMN.

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Lick.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Love a good blue suit.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Julianne is another one who always wears almost exactly the same dress but whatevs cause it ain’t broke.

NBC's "73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals

I hated Michael B. Jordan when I was forced to watch him every week instead of Riggins on FNL. But he’s so fiery hot lately that I’ve forgiven him.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

J.Law can do no wrong.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

For the love of God, will somebody please give this man an award?

NBC's "73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals

Julia always brings the heat.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Sassy patterned suit jacket.

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She looks ***Flawless.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

The red on red is working in Amy’s favor.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Classy and flattering for Queenie

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

I don’t LOVE how flat this dress makes my #1 girl crush look, but I will never put her on the worst dressed. I just can’t.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

A.Schu is killin it

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Jenna looks like a dime, Channing’s piecy combover is really ruining things here.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Sparkles that aren’t over the top

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Taraji is always fierce. Of course she has a cape.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Don’t know how to pronounce her name but she looks gorge.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Embodied kewl couple, she looks like a smoke, he’s wearing kicks with a tux.

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The only hot pink I saw and I’m INTO it.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

This one threw me for a loop. Kirsten is looking goooood.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Oh, David. Your suit game is so on point.

Brie looks like a golden goddess.

alancumming

Since I’ve been aggressively mean to his outfits in the past, here’s a nice look with sneaks that I basically own.

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I actually really like this color on her and clearly she has the flat mid section for love handle cutouts, unlike myself.

NBC's "73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Arrivals

Honestly all hail Sophia Bush.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Love the style and color of this gown.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Sam Smith giving it to me with that scruff.

73rd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

America’s a skinny mini now!

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RED HOT.

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Keeping it simple is usually the way to go.

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This was a little surprising that Bob Odenkirk was keeping it spicy and trendy.

MY FAVORITE LOOK OF THE NIGHT:

US-ENTERTAINMENT-GOLDEN-GLOBE-ARRIVALS

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Red Carpet

Teen Choice Awards Red Carpet

It’s the dog days of summer and my bloggable material is at an all-time low. Speaking of lows, I stumbled upon a circumstance where I watched half of the Teen Choice Awards. Yeah whatever, I judge myself harder than any of you could judge me but the bottom line is I know we’ve all been itching for a new red carpet of questionable ensembles to judge and here IT IS. Think of it as a little warm up for the VMA’s, which we all know will be a downright shit show.

Worst Dressed

robbie-amell-italia-ricci-teen-choice-awards-2015

Robbie Amell is the hottest piece of ass on the cusp of his acting career and he WORE THIS? Also his fiance with the ABC Family original show looks lackluster at best.

britney-spears-teen-choice-awards-2015-2

Brit Brit. At least cover your cooch when you’re out with your children. Kewl rainbow hair though girl, you’re so on trend.

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I will NEVER support men wearing tunics. This is some Justin Bieber shit, you’re better than that Mahomie.

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Did she wrap a tablecloth on over some leggings?

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“Daddy why is your shirt always wide open?”-Wiz Jr.

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I don’t know what creation those pants/leggings are but no thank you.

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The dress is 90’s which is like whatever, but to add the free hanging strands in her face really pushed it. Blossom.

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Don’t say her name three times.

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Zendaya holding up her end of the bargain to always look like she pulled her outfit out of a 3 year old’s dress up trunk.

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I can’t tell if this is beaded or velour but it’s just not doing it for me.

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This is an actual pants suit. I’m assuming from Ann Taylor. It’s not a sexy pants suit. It’s a Hillary Rodham Clinton pants suit.

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Granny dress for Emma Roberts.

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Our ice dancer number of the night.

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No snakes allowed on the blue carpet.

Best Dressed:

rachel-platten-teen-choice-awards-2015

This is an alright dress but what really knocked my socks off was when Rachel Platten sang Fight Song and wore all black with gold glitter kicks. Sneaker crush.

greer-grammer-teen-choice-awards-2015

Sucker for a crop peekaboo.

mae-whitman-teen-choice-awards-20151

One of those outfits I looked at and was like BLECH then looked at it again and was like ok I can get down with this.

portia-di-rossi-teen-choice-awards-2015

I think this jumpsuit is SASSSY, plus what is an old person supposed to wear to the Teen Choice Awards anyway?

sarah-hyland-01-435

Crop Coordinates, FTW. Also really digging on that yellow.

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Membs when Josh Peck was a heffer on Nickelodeon?

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Aca-Smooth.

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Maddie Ziegler is 12 years old and she dressed like she was 12 years old. No seriously, I’m applauding this outfit for being age appropriate. DON’T EVER GROW UP, GIRL!

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Bella Thorne is crushing this dress and also wins for smokeshow couple of the night.

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Only Uncle J can roll up to an awards show in jeans and a tee and pull it off.

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One of the hosts of the evening and she always looks gr8.

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LEA, GET IT GURL!!!!

For anyone wondering what you missed from not devoting any of your free time to an awards show for middle schoolers, here it is:

gabby-sidiby-teen-choice-awards-2015

You’re welcome for not including a gif. This is a real thing that happened for more than one minute of the show. So that’s that.

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Red Carpet

CMT Music Awards Red Carpet

We’re back in the swing of a country music awards show for every network, unfortunately this network is no longer a part of my cable package (elitist Comcast) so I really committed hard to delivering some bloggage. You better ‘preciate it. Probably the most difficult part of my night wasn’t watching an awards show on my laptop like a poor person, but it was trying to find enough people for my best dressed list. YIKES what slim pickins. Anywho…

Worst Dressed

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WHAT THE HELL, SAM?! DON’T STRAY FROM THE HOT COUNTRY BOY UNIFORM. JEANS, VNECK, SMILE. DAS IT.

jt-hodges-kasey-hodges-cmt-awards-2015

JT Hodges wore more sparkles than his wife. That’s supes embarrassing.

jason-aldean-cmt-music-awards-2015

Jason Aldean will forever be stuck in the 90’s. Sweet corduroy jacket and flares.

ian-somerhalder-cmt-music-awards-2015

Listen I want to throw the boys a bone here but they did a lot of this shit…looking good on top and then throwing on a pair of boots that ruined everything.

chase-rice-cmt-music-awards-2015

Going for a quick hike after this, Chase? Cmon guys, it’s not that hard to make my best dressed. Figure it out.

ashley-monroe-cmt-awards-2015

Not even joking here, is she alive?

rae-lynn-cmt-awards-2015

This is literally the pattern of one of those rubber sun catchers you could color in from Joann Fabrics. #craftdress

brooke-hogan-cmt-awards-20152

How the hell did Brooke Hogan get an invite to these awards? Think they were scrounging or something…Anyway she wore her best Deb prom dress, with a side of nip slip. Keep it classy, grrrrrl.

aubrey-peeples-cmt-awards-20151

I’m guessing Aubrey Peeples/Jeff Fordham’s worse half rode to the red carpet on her broomstick.

kellie-pickler-cmt-awards-2015

The shiny pattern mixed with gold prom heels wasn’t Kelli’s best.

jamie-lynn-spears-cmt-awards-2015

Cute jumpsuit Jamie-Lynn but you’re on a red carpet, not bowling with your pals on Zoey 101.

hillary-scott-cmt-awards-20152

Ugh. This dress isn’t doing things for Hil. She redeems herself with a white hot performance outfit.

nicole-kidman-cmt-awards-2015

Meh.

Best Dressed:

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Take notes, boys.

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Dierks gets it. Guys can literally wear an undershirt and some tight jeans and still crush a red carpet.

IMG_5202

I ripped this off Brett’s snapchat like the creep that I am but there weren’t any pics online and I just know he looks like a dime.

jana-kramer-cmt-awards-2015

Jana could do less with this look but the color looks good on her and obviously respect tha hell out of that bod.

jessie-james-decker-cmt-awards-2015

LBD never fails, JJD keeping it simple and still looking like a smoke.

kimberly-perry-cmt-awards-20151

Svelte look for KPerry

erin-andrews-cmt-awards-2015-2

Just enough skin to keep it elegant.

jenna-dewan-cmt-awards-2015

There’s a reason she’s married to Magic Mike.

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Both hosts delivering on the red carpet with classic black and white.

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Dig the different dress style, could’ve really used a sassy pony with it to seal the deal.

danielle-bradbery-cmt-awards-20151

Fun sparkle mini on Danielle Bradbury

laura-bell-bundy-cmt-awards-20151

Girl is pulling off the jumpsuit and it’s unlike anything else on this red carpet.

Best Look of the Night…

carrie-underwood-cmt-awards-20151

I mean obviously. When did she have a baby? This morning? Those legs though.

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Red Carpet

Met Gala Red Carpet

Since this ball is honoring costumes, it’s known to have some out there fashion statements. This year’s theme was China: Through the Looking Glass, which left a whole lot of room for accidental racism. I’d like to applaud Hollywood for toeing that line quite nicely and avoiding any large scandal. Although no one showed up in a kimono with chopsticks in their hair, I would like to find out how one gets an invite to this event because judging by the MTV crowd, I’m convinced if I rolled up in a floral ball gown I would’ve been let in no questions asked. Anyway, here’s the looks that made me want to puke everywhere, accompanied by the ones that made me drool.

Worst:

lady-gaga-met-gala-2015

This is actually really tame for GaGa. Still hate it though..basically a moomoo with feathers.

katy-perry-met-gala-20152

Ms. Katy Perry ditching her infamous cheeto themed outfits for an emo/graffiti theme.

miley-cyrus-met-gala-2015

http://www.barf.com/always …sweet blue hair.

robert-pattinson-fka-twigs-met-gala-2015

FKA Twigs is somewhat wearing a human…or maybe just their arms/legs? I don’t know. I’m uncomfy.

jennifer-lopez-met-gala-20152

This is the first time I’ve ever seen JLo look old. Also this dress is Mushu from Mulan sewed onto a body. How dare you treat Mushu like that.

kim-kardashian-met-gala-2015 kim-kardashian-kanye-west-met-gala-2015

Hey have you guys ever seen Kim K’s lady bits? This is a really bold look for her because she’s always so modest and covered. What a risk taker.

rihanna-met-gala-2015-2

Belle has arrived and apparently slayed the beast and dyed his fur yellow for her ensemble tonight.

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Wax. Figure.

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This dress belongs on the cover of Seventeen Magazine.

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Not into the color or the shoulder cutout, or the way Emma Roberts looks like she wants to murder a village.

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The cupcake poof makes Alicia look like she’s 1000 lbs and we know she’s not because she’s croppin so hard. Not flattering.

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I know it’s like sacrilegious to put SJP on the worst dressed but guess what, I’m doing it. That headdress is stupid.

lily-collins

Little House on the Yellow River

olsens

Damnit guys, you used to be cute as shit. Why does it look like you’re 100 now and 2/3 of the Sanderson sisters? Pretty BA to completely ignore the theme though.

dakota

Dakota looks like she picked this up at Deb and is going to hit the clubs tonight. Read the red carpet, Dakota. Not the event for this kind of mini.

cher

Not in love with this pattern, Cher. Hair on fleek though for someone over 60 that’s impressive.

chloe-grace

Chloe borrowed Kristin’s black choker from Laguna Beach.

bieber

Again, how was this punk invited?

hailee-steinfeld

Bleh.

sienna-miller

Ummm…maybe use the tassels awkwardly hanging down your leg to tie that wide open jacket closed.

olivia-munn

What an unfortunate area to have what looks like blood stains on your dress. Jus sayin.

cara-delevingne-met-gala-2015

Kewl fake tats.

emily-blunt-met-gala-20151

Closest we got to an actual kimono.

olivia-wilde-met-gala-20151

This dress looks like a pinterest project.

Best:

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Hated this so hard when I first saw it. The more that I stare at it though, I respect it. There’s only one way to come back after almost murdering your brother in law in an elevator at last year’s Met Ball, and that’s obviously to wear something like this. Fist bump, Solange.

andy-cohen-met-gala-2015

Andy looking dapper AF.

usher-met-gala-2015

Usher looks like he legitimately has a foot injury but I’m gonna credit the pimp cane to part of this look anyway. Smooth.

joshua-jackson-diane-kruger-met-gala-2015diane-kruger

Always a stylish couple, Diane is crushing the bodysuit.

ansel-elgort-met-gala-2015

Not many men to look at so Ansel made the cut for looking adorbs.

amal-george-clooney-met-gala-2015

I want to hate Amal so bad because she’s so above Hollywood and smart or something but she looks gr8.

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This is a flattering style on her, I could do without pelicans flying across the dress.

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I dig this color on Keri, wish her hair was down.

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This is so asshole that I love it. Anne Hathaway is hated on so much and she’s like guess what I’m going to roll through with my shiny gold hood up. H8ers gonna H8.

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Elizabeth Banks looks great in this color–wish her hair wasn’t pompadour city.

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Good color, good lip.

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Selena putting the goods on display for Matador Biebs.

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The only purple dress I saw and it’s on point.

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Taking a quote from the drunk bros who complimented my derby hat on Saturday, this dress is “elegant AF”

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Classy and modest for Gabrielle Union.

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Dumb hair, pwetty gown.

jessica-hart

Don’t know who this is, digging up on the texture and style of this dress.

taraji

Dayumn, Cookie.

amanda-seyfried

Classic white and red lippin.

janelle-monae

Crop coordinate game strong.

kendall

And the winner of best looking reality star goes to Kendall. Take notes Kris & Kimmy. Bow down to the model of the fam.

 hannah-davis

Do you think Jeets is into sharing? Hannah Davis looks like a smooookeeeeshowwww.

claire-danes

Punk Rock Claire Danes. Get itttt.

kerry-washington1

I’m a big sucker for pop of color shoes.

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I don’t necessarily love this dress but  Allison Williams always looks like a beaut.

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SLAAAYYYY QUEEN.  THAT PONYTAIL.

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Always crushing the red carpet Chrissy didn’t disappoint in a backless black gown.

lorde

Mark this day down in history as the first time Lorde has made one of my best dressed lists. She even looks angelic. Who is this person.

uma

Uma threw me for a loop in this dress. Looking fit and fab right down to the earrings.

carey-mulligan-met-gala-2015

Classic look for Carey Mulligan.

gigi-hadid-met-gala-2015

Most beautiful person alive, no biggie. Ties with Hannah Davis for girl crush of the night.

karlie-kloss-met-gala-20152

Karlie came without her twin but still looks fab.

zendaya-met-gala-2015

This is hands down the best Zendaya has ever looked on a red carpet.

zoe-kravitz-met-gala-2015

The septum piercing is real intimidating but this dress is supes cool.

kate-hudson

Not as ballsy as Little Gold Ridinghood Anne but still stellar gold.

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Ya girl Reese is literally timeless.

Woofiest Look of the Night:

chloe

Not only is this outfit atrocious but Chloe knows it is because her red carpet face looks like she just smelled a fart.

Favorite Look of the Night:

jlaw1

J.Law doing the damn thing with the top bun and floral crop she’s looking fresh to death and my fave of the night.

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