The SAG Awards is where Hollywood focuses on their *craft* of acting and boy is it so douchey every year…and yet still more tolerable than the Oscars. Since the actors were talking about themselves and their acting peers and how hard acting is, it meant they took a break from talking about politics and solving climate change by taking the PJ less. And I think I speak for everyone when I say that was a welcome change. Here’s what these fools were wearing…

WORST

Can we call this a dress or is it just simply floral undies?

GAWD JLO. I GET THAT YOU WEREN’T NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR BUT THIS IS NOT HOW YOU REBEL. I went on a triggered rant about pieces of hair dangling in the face for the Globes red carpet and I GUESS SOME OF US DIDN’T READ THAT. If I’m going to read your weekly texts about your TikTok account, Jen, you can read my blog about how leaving chunks of your hair in your face is a trend that should NEVER EVER make a comeback.

I have been more than generous to Nicole this awards season and that generosity stops today. The ruffles are always going to be a no for me, dawg.

This is a table skirt.

Renee pulled this same shit at the Globes, so feel free to see my rant about it HERE.

I’m having a hard time understanding why the white gloves. Why is that the move here?

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO one sleeve

H8 to do this to 1/3 of the J Sisters (gag my face off) but this dress is tacky as all hell.

You could smuggle an ENTIRE HUMAN UNDERNEATH THIS MONSTROSITY.

Props to Patty for putting her knockers away but no thanks to this outfit. Those are some HOARD flares.

AHHH MY EYES, MARGOT! WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS! From the piecey hair (seriously ladies, why are we trying to bring this back?!) to the layered gaudy jewels over PLAID and cupcake tiers. Ugh barf all over me head to toe.

Honestly the carpet did her dirty here. I don’t think she was really planning on standing in front of a busy silver tiled wall and obviously the mixture of that with his pattern on her dress is making me want to claw my eyeballs out. At the same time, I feel like this wouldn’t have photographed well anyway. Too much, gurl.

Speaking of too much, this BOW. Does no one learn from other’s mistakes?! JLo pulled the bow at the globes and I spit right on it and how stupid it looks. You are not a giant present. The only time wrapping yourself in a bow is acceptable is if you’re completely nude and you’re giving your hod bod as a present to your significant other (sex stuff, guys) otherwise DO NOT WEAR A GIANT BOW ANYWHERE.

The top of this dress can only be properly described as a lampshade.

Oh my gawwwww enough with the tiered ruffles, already.

Hot priest or not (suh glad I finally banged out Fleabag so I can feel part of the joke for the remainder of awards season) this is a bad retro prom tux.

What a curveball for this actress but also nope. Suuuuupez trashy. I know it’s not the Oscars and these awards air on TNT but clean it up.

 

BEST

Does she age? The answer is an obvious no.

It’s the year of Dern.

Thank God there were no hair/makeup snafus this time around for Hollywood’s golden couple.

Sun never sets on Sterling K Brown because the sun never sets on cool.

This dress looks like it was LITERALLY painted on her.

The DRAMA.

Damn gurl.

Surprised Reese didn’t wear an Ivy Park original track suit but this is pretty edgy for her and I love it.

Not a ton of color on the *silver* carpet so I welcome this bright blue.

Damn Charlize is really coming at me this awards season! A silver crop top is not what I expected because I spend 90% of my breath trashing the youths and their crop tops but look at Char doin the damn thing! I take back my glitter crop hate.

A silver gown for the silver carpet. Now where’s her silver fox?

Close to winning my favorite look of the night for being colorful and also different.

Flattering and elegant

A golden shimmer in the eve.

I feel like men were really under-represented on the ole silver carpet so here’s a little floral spice from Dan.

Maybe it’s because I just had the flu for a week and inadvertently lost 5 lbs as I withered away on the couch but I guess I’m like really having a moment with crops and hoping to one day have the mid section to rock one (maybe if I get the flu like five more times) Pheebz did shout out her makeup artist for painting a six pack on her and it does look suspiciously like a bronzed mid section so maybe it is aspirational abs.

JEN WORE WHITE! Honestly Jen walks out of her house and everyone salivates at everything she does–She wore white instead of a plain black gown, she looks like a rocket (as always), her and Brad have been goofin on the carpet during awards season which has EVERYONE shipping a reunion (he CHEATED on her guys, WE DON’T WANT THEM TO GET BACK TOGETHER) and also true to history, she’s free boobin. After an in depth convo with my bestie about Jen’s nips, I revealed that I’m not really into perky nipz busting through a formal gown, but at the same time, it’s America’s sweetheart Jen Aniston and she’s been doing it since the 90’s. She reserves the right to punch us all in the face with her nipples because she basically invented the trend.

FAVE LOOK OF THE NIGHT:

Holy bananas she looks amazing. This is normally an outfit Meryl Streep or someone of the older gen would roll through wearing and I love seeing it on a Hollywood youth. A white power move if you will. Not to be confused with white power, which is very, very racist.