Pretty much the most entertaining thing about this awards show is that you can call them the SAG’s and everyone gives you a weird look and maybe a giggle when you do. Otherwise it’s just another snooze-aroni in secondhand awards shows. I mean, the SAG AFTRA president currently is Andrea Zuckerman. Yikes.

Because these awards are basura, the stars dressed as such. It was a real stretch to pull together a best dressed list. But I did it anyway, because I am a true American hero. I also accidentally got solo drunk during the show–and wrote this blog afterwards. You’re welcome, everyone.

WORST

Two thumbs down for the skin-toned craft corner beaded dress.

Oh, ok yes. Parrots and sequins. So hot right now.

I’m legitimately perplexed by this dress. Is the ripped part just hanging off of her body? I wish she just wore the underlayer.

Actual eyesore.

I’m beginning to wonder if everyone forgot about the SAG’s (insert immature giggle) and stopped by the thrift store on the way to the red carpet.

This is a pillow case with puffy sleeves, essentially.

Nothing accents burgundy quite like wispy cotton candy hair, is what I always like to say.

Kimmy K’s number one stan as always looking age approps.

No clue who this is but there are no words.

I’m astonished that whiny B Kit, formerly of the Rockford Peaches, is still holding court in Hollywood, but here she is gracing my worst dressed list and winning awards and shit.

Welp that’s it. I can’t stand behind Soph on this one. She matched her eyeshadow to her FUSCHIA dress. Woof city, population: Sophia Bush. Add in the gelled front pieces she has dangling in her face and we’ve got a full-on 90’s prom look.

Couldn’t have completed this look without the matching whimsical necklace.

This is normal.

It’s not necessary to twinsicle it up with your hubs, Chrissy.

Casj hip floral arrangement.

We get it, ERW, you’re making a suit statement for all red carpets this season.

Pig.Tail.Bunz.

BEST

I think this is the most covered I’ve seen Taraji. Suh elegant with a side of full boobs on display.

Hair isn’t gr8 but this dress is alright. (We’re reaching here, folks.)

This looks comfy.

Having hummingbirds embroidered on your dress is pretty odd, but Gina’s rack looks top notch! Three cheers!

The girls are out to plaaaaayyyy.

This is one of my favorite for Sofia. She always wears the same dress to every show and this is a welcome change

Julie Bowen coming in hawt with the risque!

I’m mostly surprised that a YouTube star was on the red carpet best dressed but also she actually looks really good.

This dress is nice.

I hadn’t seen Krasinski on a red carpet in so long I literally drooled at the sight of him.

THIS IS FUN!

It’s weird that Jonah went from frat bro at the Golden Globes to dapper Dan at the SAG’s but I approve.

Rock that off the shoulder trend, grrrrrrl! (It’s possible that my drinking game “drink every time politics is mentioned” has truly kicked in at this point.)

I’ve spent far too long trying to figure out what this jewelry sitch is.

Purple camo yaaasssss Busy!

Jazzy suit for the win.

This dress is fab, but due to the asymmetrical neckline it looks like her right boob is 1000x bigger than her left. Demz da breaks.

Cla$$ Act. (I know it’s not nice to say and this isn’t even a little bit a comment on her weight because obviously she’s skinny as possible but black and white layered like this will always remind me of Willy and I can’t help it. #KillerWhaleBesties4Lyfe)

Fave look of the night:

Being engaged to Landry is werking in her favor. By miles, this was the best look of the night. Subtle and classy.