Pop Culture, Television, Uncategorized

Barbara Walters’ 10 Most Fascinating People

Sunday night TV was real slow, so I sat down with Babs to see what hard hitting questions she would throw at the most fascinating people of the year and also for the big reveal of number 1. Did you miss it? No worries, I’ll keep this recap short and sweet, like I wish this special would have been.

Babs starts out her intro with “Hi you may remember me, Barbara Walters.” I didn’t realize we had a stand-up comedian hosting this special. The tone was set for a hilarious two hours. She reminded us that this special was supposed to be retired last year because it is tired and she’s picked the same people every single year forever, but ABC wanted more money so they brought it back thirsty for profits and ratings. (Side Note: Barbara’s suuuper expressive eyes after every few words got REAL creepy, REAL quick.)

Scarlett Johansson: Why she is on this list is baffling to me but she talks about how she’s actually short, she believes relationships are hard and monogamy isn’t natural and she’s open about being in therapy. Babs hears that Scarlett got her start in musical theater and DEMANDS that Scarlett sing a number on the spot despite how uncomfortable Scarlett clearly is with the idea. (Who ever declared that Barbara Walters was GREAT at interviewing was seriously wrong. She’s super awk.) Scarlett sings a little bit and looks like she wants to get the hell out of there. It was snoozeworthy at best.

Neil Patrick Harris: It’s hammered home that Neil can literally do everything, including magic. Coming out to his family was tough at first because his dad thought that he would whore out at clubs, now they’re more accepting. I didn’t realize that Neil came out mid-How I Met Your Mother in 2006 after a tabloid threatened to out him. Pretty aggress. Both him and his husband David fathered a child but they don’t know which kid they’re the biological father of. Babs asked multiple times if they would ever want to find out which kid is biologically theirs and NPH had to say no several times. USE YOUR EARS, BABS.

David Koch: Literally no interest level in this person, I turned my ears off. (Also there was a tech guy included in the special, whose name I already forgot because he was NOT fascinating to me.)

Chelsea Handler: She had to clear the air for the 1000th time that she never wanted to replace Letterman because she’s not a network girl and will never want to be censored or have to follow rules. Revealed that her oldest brother died when she was growing up because he fell off of a cliff and this is possibly why her dad is such a maniac. Good ole Chels got a DUI when she was 21 and had recently moved to Hollywood and in her class that she was required to take afterward she got up and was telling stories and someone told her she should be a standup and that’s where that came about. Love that hot mess. She said she would consider getting married just to try it for a little bit. Babs told Chels with her eyes that it was wrong to be so slutty and loose. Judgement city.

Oprah: Barbara reminds us that she’s interviewed Oprah four million times. Oprah has no regrets about not having kids, her and Stedman are still going strong. O talks about being sexually assualted at a young age and then becoming skanktastic and getting pregnant at 14 and being sent to live with her dad who told her he’d rather have her dead than pregnant. Uh oh. Surprise! Oprah ended up losing the baby and it became her “second chance” and her life became completely different. Babs and Oprah slobber all over each other and talk about how they’re obsessed with each other and end the interview with a creepy smile handshake.

Michael Strahan: Michael used to be a heffer, Jane Fonda tapes made him skinny. He’s been married a couple of times and the first marriage was casj and they’re still friends, the second marriage ended wooftastic and it was in the tabs that he was gay or he cheated and Michael proved to be a real stand-up guy, kept quiet and took all the backlash because he didn’t want to disgrace his kids. He also never wants to fix the gap in his teeth. (B.Walterz really digs deep with her questions.)

George RR Martin: I can’t physically listen to this guy talk because I have never seen/read Game of Thrones. Literally no idea what he’s talking about half the time. Apparently he finds it offensive when people say he’s going to croak before he finishes writing the series. I wonder why he would find that offensive…

Taylor Swift: This interview was WAY too short. Basically they talked played out questions, Tay told America that every time they say she’s gonna write a song about a boy it’s the oldest joke and basically the media is a bunch of sexist pigs because they would never say that about men writing about their personal lives. GET EM TAY. Also she talks about how in the past five years she hasn’t been alone (YIKES), kicking it with her fans at her houseS and looking at their instagrams keeps her grounded and she DOES drink alcohol, she’s 25 after all. Also she’s serious about being single these days (yawn).

DRUMROLL PLEASE. The most fascinating person according to Ms. Barbara Walters is Amal (Alamuddin) Clooney. Here’s what I don’t understand…she just talks about Amal. There is no interview, I’m assuming there’s no consent from Amal so WHAT is the point of this? Instead Bab’s shows a bunch of clips of her interviewing George Clooney and basically makes it all about him and how he swore up and down that he would never get married and all the people that he dated since he said that. I’m sure this was really uplifting for Amal, as she watches the segment about her that Barbara Walters clearly just googled and reported over a backdrop of public photos in a slideshow. What a crock of bullshit. You tricked us all, Babs. (Just me? Oh ok.)

Standard
JUice

Weekly JUice

1. The Royals met Will & Kate

jay-z-beyonce-kate-middleton-prince-william

“My breasts are George’s breakfast.”-Kate

william-kate-beyonce-jayz

Yeah, yeah, this happened Monday and technically now it’s old news but it would be embarrassing if I rounded up the best headlines from the week and glossed over this. If you saw this photo of the royals mingling with Will & Kate and didn’t immediately wonder what they could possibly talking about then I don’t want to know you as a person. I mean they could’ve been marrying off George and Blue Ivy for all we know. (Fingers crossed) Also Lebron James obviously tried to insert himself into the cool kids group, grammed a picture with Will & Kate and called them the Queen and the Prince and himself the King (naturally) and then quickly corrected it. He also took a lot of heat (pun intended) for how grabby he was with the Duchess and how that’s real frowned upon in England. Get it together, Lebron. Gawd. Stop making our country look trashy & sweaty.

lebron

 

PS In fresher Queen B news, she released a short film today for the one year anniversary of the secret album heard round the world. I watched it and considered including it in the juice, but it’s 11 mins and 30 seconds worth of cliche quotes and weird artsy scenes and I will not subject my readers to that. Watch at your own risk and be prepared to hear a lot of quotes you usually see on the poster in the Dentist’s office.

2. Marky Mark and Jimmy Fallon have a giant hand slapfest.

Do I have the maturity level of a 5 year old who couldn’t stop laughing at two grown men big hand slapping each other? Absolutely and I’ve come to terms with that. Mark has been in the news a lot lately for being a big jerk who wants to be pardoned for his near murder of a man when he was just a kid on the dirty streetz of Dorchestah. It was nice to see him settle down and have some nice goofy times with Jimmy, and also letting Jimmy mess up his stupid slicked hair. SLICKED HAIR ISN’T HOT MARKY MARK. But this is:

mark-wahlberg

 3. The Golden Globes and SAG Nominees were announced–which means we’re closer to more awards show recaps from yours truly!! The biggest jazz about this nominees list is that Ben Affleck got snubbed, as is now a tradition apparently. On the bright side, someone in a dark corner of the Internet released the uncut shower scene from Gone Girl and we can all bask in the glory of Ben’s junk. It’s unfortunate that the one quality movie I did see this year (Gone Girl) only got a few noms. So everyone can look forward to me fully focusing on making fun of the Golden Globes rather than giving film reviews, as I clearly don’t watch award-winning movies.

screen_shot_2014-08-06_at_16.42.07

Golden Globe Full Nominee List:

BEST MOTION PICTURE, DRAMA
Boyhood
Selma
The Imitation Game
The Theory of Everything
Foxcatcher

BEST ACTRESS, MOTION PICTURE, DRAMA
Julianne Moore, Still Alice
Reese Witherspoon, Wild
Rosamund Pike, Gone Girl
Felicity Jones, The Theory of Everything
Jennifer Aniston, Cake

BEST ACTOR, MOTION PICTURE DRAMA
Eddie Redmayne, The Theory of Everything
Benedict Cumberbatch, The Imitation Game
Steve Carell, Foxcatcher
David Oyelowo, Selma
Jake Gyllenhaal, Nightcrawler

BEST DIRECTOR
Richard Linklater, Boyhood
Alejandro González Iñárritu, Birdman
Ava DuVernay, Selma
David Fincher, Gone Girl
Wes Anderson, The Grand Budapest Hotel

BEST TV DRAMA
The Good Wife
Downton Abbey
Game of Thrones
The Affair
House of Cards

BEST ACTOR, TV SERIES, DRAMA
Kevin Spacey, House of Cards
Clive Owen, The Knick
Dominic West, The Affair
James Spader, The Blacklist
Liev Schreiber, Ray Donovan

BEST ACTRESS, TV SERIES, DRAMA
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Robin Wright, House of Cards
Viola Davis, How to Get Away With Murder
Ruth Wilson, The Affair
Claire Danes, Homeland

BEST MOTION PICTURE, MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Birdman
Into the Woods
St. Vincent
Pride
The Grand Budapest Hotel

BEST ACTRESS, MOTION PICTURE, MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Emily Blunt, Into the Woods
Amy Adams, Big Eyes
Julianne Moore, Maps to the Stars
Helen Mirren, The Hundred-Foot Journey
Quvenzhané Wallis, Annie

BEST ACTOR, MOTION PICTURE, MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Michael Keaton, Birdman
Ralph Fiennes, The Grand Budapest Hotel
Bill Murray, St. Vincent
Joaquin Phoenix, Inherent Vice
Christoph Waltz, Big Eyes 

BEST TV COMEDY
Girls
Jane the Virgin
Orange Is the New Black
Silicon Valley
Transparent

BEST ACTRESS IN A TV SERIES, COMEDY
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
Taylor Schilling, Orange Is the New Black
Lena Dunham, Girls
Gina Rodriguez, Jane the Virgin
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie

BEST ACTOR IN A TV SERIES, COMEDY
Don Cheadle, House of Lies
Ricky Gervais, Derek
Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent
Louis C.K., Louie
William H. Macy, Shameless

BEST TV MINISERIES OR MOVIE
True Detective
Fargo
The Normal Heart
Olive Kitteridge
The Missing

BEST ACTRESS IN A TV MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Frances McDormand, Olive Kitteridge
Maggie Gyllenhaal, The Honorable Woman
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story: Freak Show
Frances O’Connor, Missing
Allison Tolman, Fargo

BEST ACTOR IN A TV MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Matthew McConaughey, True Detective
Billy Bob Thornton, Fargo
Martin Freeman, Fargo
Woody Harrelson, True Detective
Mark Ruffalo, The Normal Heart

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A TV SERIES, MINISERIES, OR MOTION PICTURE
Allison Janney, Mom
Uzo Aduba, Orange Is the New Black
Kathy Bates, American Horror Story: Freak Show
Michelle Monaghan, True Detective
Joan Frogatt, Downton Abbey

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A TV SERIES, MINISERIES, OR MOTION PICTURE
Matthew Bomer, The Normal Heart
Jon Voight, Ray Donovan
Bill Murray, Olive Kitteridge
Alan Cumming, The Good Wife
Colin Hanks, Fargo

BEST SCREENPLAY, MOTION PICTURE
Birdman
Boyhood
Gone Girl
The Grand Budapest Hotel
The Imitation Game

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
Ida
Tangerine Mandarin
Leviathan
Force Majeure
Gett: The Trial of Viviane Amsalem

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR, MOTION PICTURE
J.K. Simmons, Whiplash
Edward Norton, Birdman
Mark Ruffalo, Foxcatcher
Ethan Hawke, Boyhood
Robert Duvall, The Judge

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS, MOTION PICTURE
Patricia Arquette, Boyhood
Emma Stone, Birdman
Meryl Streep, Into the Woods
Keira Knightley, The Imitation Game
Jessica Chastain, A Most Violent Year

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
The Lego Movie
Big Hero 6
How to Train Your Dragon 2
The Boxtrolls
The Book of Life

BEST ORIGINAL SONG
John Legend & Common, “Glory” (Selma)
Lana Del Rey, “Big Eyes” (Big Eyes)
Patti Smith, “Mercy Is” (Noah)
Sia, “Opportunity” (Annie)
Lorde, “Yellow Flicker Beat” (The Hunger Games: Mockingjay — Part I)

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE
Johann Johannsson, The Theory of Everything
Alexandre Desplat, The Imitation Game
Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross, Gone Girl
Antonio Sanchez, Birdman
Hans Zimmer, Interstellar

4. Lauren Conrad was featured on a Pop Innovator special on E! last night and I couldn’t have been more excited to watch it. Trey made an appearance because he’s still a supportive BFF to LC and he also aged REAL well. It also featured the creator of Laguna Beach/The Hills, LC’s whole family, best friend & business partner and her agent. It was a behind the scenes look at the life of Lauren Conrad including some real adorbsies home videos and childhood photos. Things I learned: 1. LC’s 22 year old brother is a smoke, where has he been hiding? 2. LC was supposed to be at a soccer game the day they had auditions for Laguna Beach and she didn’t go and therefore was kicked off the team–LC was an ATHLETE?! 3. She agreed to do The Hills mostly for the paycheck…a TV show about her life is literally comparable to the rest of us taking a receptionist job right out of college..doing it for the paycheck/insurance. That immediately put my life into perspective. 4. Apparently the Teen Vogue internship was an actual internship (not all scripted) and she was expected to do intern things even though her cover photo hung on the wall in the office. Side note: Blaine made an appearance and is still very hot and was much nicer than he ever was on The Hills. 5. In case you hadn’t already figured it out, my girl crush on LC has grown three sizes since watching this. Plus she looked GREAT on the special:

lauren-conrad-pop-innovators-interview

5. Barbara Walters Announced Most Fascinating People on The View. Babs named: Neil Patrick Harris, Oprah Winfrey, Taylor Swift, Chelsea Handler, Michael Strahan, Scarlett Johansson, and David Koch will be featured in her annual most fascinating people special. The additional three interviewees will be revealed during the broadcast. I’m like 90% sure she picks the same people every year but if it’s a slow TV night you bet your bottom dollar I’ll be watching and possibly blogging about it. Might be good for some juicy TSwizzle tidbits.

taylor-swift-billboard-women-in-music-luncheon-dec-12-nyc-ftr

Outfit on point as alwayz

 

Bonus:  For my fellow New Girl fans (or Cuse people) Zooey Deschanel filmed fat Schmidt lip synching and dancing to Rihanna. (Follow link below)

http://hellogiggles.com/rihanna-vs-schmidt

schmidt

Standard