Great news everybody, it’s Sophia Bush’s birthday today, which gives me an excuse to be a giant creep like I was when I posted an entire blog dedicated to Blake Lively. My girl crushes deserve only the best on The Salty Ju. Here are a few of the many times Sophia had the perfect Instagram and made me want her life.
She selfies so hard. When I selfie, I have a double chin and make a stupid face. When she selfies, she does it with A-List stars and looks like a dime. You’ll notice she selfies it up a lot with Olivia Benson. #GirlCopPower
Soph recognizes that One Tree Hill was the best show of all time (this might be an exaggeration) and doesn’t disappoint with the cast reunion photos and throwbacks to B.Davis
Other than looking perfect all the time, Sophia actually happens to be an activist and does good things for the world so NBD but HBD she’s a real Bo$$. Follow her on insta for motivational quotes, music recommendations, fashion inspiration, and flawless pics. Duh.
I’m extending Father’s Day celebrations by a day so that we can properly commemorate the hottest dads that have graced our TVs. These fictional dads have made raising kids (woof) sexy and cool AF. Feast your eyes upon the top TV DILFS.
10. Deacon Claybourne- Nashville
Although it came as a casual surprise to Deacon about 14 years after the fact that he was a dad, he has taken the job in stride (after the initial almost killing Rayna incident, oopsie.) His boozin past makes him edgy and mysterious while his parenting technique is singing duets.
Best Dad Moment: Bursting in on Maddie’s afternoon delight with her boyfriend Colt and recruiting Juliette to have the sex talk with her because it gives him the uncomfies.
9. Rufus Humphrey- Gossip Girl
Rufus had some glory days with his 90’s band Lincoln Hawk that quickly turned into being a single dad to the poorest kids on the Upper East Side. He doesn’t let that stand in the way of snagging former lover/rich bitch Lily van der Woodsen.
Best Dad Moment: Encouraging Dan to boink Serena. Also putting up with little miss trainwreck Jenny, which deserves all the awards.
8. Phil Dunphy- Modern Family
Phil may be a little on the flamboyant side (see: his college cheerleading career) but his killer sense of humor and ability to memorize the dance moves to High School Musical are what makes him sexy.
Best Dad Moments: When he taught Alex about the powers of Jagermeister, shot Luke with a bebe gun and made his own shirt to move Haley into college.
7. Dr. Derek Shepard- Grey’s Anatomy
May he rest in peace, McDreamy had a way of piercing you with his blue eyes and then saving people’s lives, NBD but HBD. Though I can’t pinpoint a whole lot of fathering, he is eye candy and that’s all that matters. (Gone too soon.)
Best Dad Moment: Perching a tiara atop that head of lettuce and having tea with Zola.
6. Elliot Stabler- Law & Order SVU
Stabler investigates brutal rapes and murders from 9-5 but then goes home and is dad AF to his five(?) kids. He’s protective and brooding and one HOT STUFF law enforcer.
Best Dad Moment: Anytime he gets aggressive with someone he’s interrogating. Oh sorry, I got distracted…ummm probably when he burned his daughter Kathleen’s license so she’d stop getting DUI’s.
5. Christopher Hayden- Gilmore Girls
Technically Christopher was a shitty father for all of Rory’s childhood but have you seen him? Swoooon. He comes back into her life when he gets sneaky rich and then gets another shot at dad when he has little demon Gigi.
Best Dad Moment: When he gives Gigi whatever she wants to make her stop screaming like a devil child. Forever the bad boy dad.
4. Jim Halpert- The Office
Jim is probably the most romantic guy ever in TV history (bold statement, I stand by it) and also happens to have a killer sense of humor, as displayed in his life’s work to prank Dwight. Plus he has a great range of funny faces, which probably makes him a gr8 dad.
Best Dad Moment: Finally succumbing to Halloween and doing a family costume.
3. Jesse Katsopolis- Full House
Our third and final rockstar dad, Jesse can command a stage with the Rippers, has iconic luscious locks and is a bonafide lady killer. When he finds out he’s having twins he loses his shit but once they’re born and he can finally tell them apart without matching up their footprints, he becomes a phenomenal dad who refuses to cut their hair.
Best Dad Moment: Putting doo rags and leather jackets on his babies for a family portrait.
2. Nathan Scott- One Tree Hill
Nathan Scott went from being the star of the Tree Hill Ravens and all around dick to married with a baby all before he graduated high school. But that didn’t stop him from being the sexiest teen dad this side of the river court…seriously have you seen him shirtless? He kept at his all-star basketball career (with a timeout to be paralyzed real quick) but also made sure to teach Jamie how to use condoms in high school how to be a baller and carry on the Scott traditions.
Best Dad Moment: Wearing a cape to Jamie’s school and showing everyone that Scotts are ALWAYS popular.
1. Eric Taylor- Friday Night Lights
Coach Taylor is the top dog of TV dads. He brings his football teams to state, has a hot ass wife with fabulous hair and invented “Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Lose.” I mean, come on. Coaching horny teenage boys all day has essentially made Eric want to lock Julie (we’re disregarding Gracie Belle because she was obviously adopted from trolls) up for life, which makes for some very sassy and hilarious parenting.
Best Dad Moment: Giving Julie the sex talk via a game of ping pong. (Please accept these ratchet screenshots in lieu of the clip, which was near impossible to find.)
I had one of those days where I realized how many songs I have in my iTunes that are actually fake bands from TV shows or movies and I decided to throw them together into a playlist because why not? (take a crazy chance, do a crazy dance) Anyway you’re either going to think this is super weird or you’re gonna love it…it’s a random selection of fictional songs that would’ve soared the Billboard Charts had they been sung by real life musicians.
1. What Dreams Are Made Of- Lizzie McGuire, The Lizzie McGuire Movie
Always start a playlist with a bang. That’s my motto. Lizzie was just a normal awkward middle school girl but suddenly on her chaperoned trip to Rome she was mistaken for an Italian pop star and got to perform in the Coliseum. Ho hum, no biggie. Not only is this song fire flames, but this performance was magnetic. Therefore it will be one of the only videos I attach to this list because in order to say Buona Sera to my American friend Lizzie Mcguire, you need the visual aide of a skirt turning into a metallic jumpsuit with belly button cutout and technicolor lights. SING TO ME, PAOLO! (Please read in shitty Italian accent)
2. Zach’s Song- School of Rock,School of Rock
What do you get when you put together a chubby Asian, rebel with spiked hair and a quiet nerd? The keyboardist, drummer and guitarist/singer for the coolest band in the world, duh. You don’t like good music if you don’t think this song melts faces. Also Freddy, if you’re still a bad boy drummer with an attitude, CALL ME!
3. Stephanie- Tommy Page,Full House
Did I really need to force everyone to listen to Stephanie Tanner shriek Tommy Page at the top of her lungs before the song even starts? No, but I’ve had this bootleg version for so long that I think her pre-teen screech has become a staple in this beautiful melody. If my dad ever got a teen heartthrob to serenade me at my 13th birthday party I think I would melt into a puddle of awkward and not know what to do with my hands. Stephanie handles much better, by falling in love with Tommy who probably shouldn’t be singing to a teenager that she means everything to him. Also the kiss on the lips could’ve been a little misleading. Yikes, creep.
4. Halo- Haley James Scott,One Tree Hill
Obviously there’s no way I would make a fake pop star playlist and not include my little tutor girl turned rocker, Hales. This is easily her best song and also the one that caused the least conflict with hubs Nathan, so win, win all around.
5. That Thing You Do- The Wonders,That Thing You Do
Hey remember this movie with Liv Tyler as a 60’s smoke with perfect eyeliner all the time? Anyway…this song is awesome and even though The Wonders (formerly Oneders) had to disband due to their lead singer being a dick, this one hit wonder (see what I did there, ha-ha) will forever live on.
6. Supernova Girl- Proto Zoa,Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century
Seems pretty awkz to go from a movie with Tom Hanks in it to a song about outer space from a Disney movie, right? I like to keep you on the edge of your seat, obviously. Zetus Lupetus this song is stupid AF but SO catchy. I mean seriously, Proto Zoa had silver spiked hair and obviously had a way with words MAJOR.
7. Friends Forever- Zack Attack,Saved By The Bell
Ah, back in the days when Zack and his Bayside buddies would dream about making it big and having Casey Kasem (RIP) narrate their climb to fame. Fortunately for all Zack Attack fans, Zack didn’t start banging their manager and turn into a superdouche to go solo and wear hammer pants. Instead the gang stayed Friends Forever and sang about it. And by sang about it I mean the show hired a bunch of mature adults to sing it and then tried to pass it off like these 16 year olds sounded like that.
8. 3 Small Words- Josie & the Pussycats,Josie & The Pussycats
Confession: I don’t even think I ever saw this movie but you bet your bottom dollar I downloaded this song from Limewire and slapped it on a mix CD to listen to in my walkman. I memorized these lyrics like nobody’s biz and I’m 99% sure it was because I was not allowed to see the movie and didn’t want to have FOMO when all my friends talked about it so I learned the song to have something to contribute to the convo. Anyway, GIRLS RULE.
9. 5000 Candles in the Wind- Mouse Rat,Parks & Recreation
I’m late to the party and just now rolling through all the episodes of Parks & Rec but even as a fresh fan it seemed wrong to make a playlist without a tribute to Lil Sebastian. RIP in horsey heaven. Also Leslie told Andy to make Candle In the Wind but 5000x better and he NAILED it.
10. Now Or Never-Troy Bolton (& Fellow Wildcats),High School Musical 3: Senior Year
Listen, with three High School Musical movies it was pretty tough to narrow it down to just one song. Obviously Breaking Free was the one that started it all but it’s slow and it just didn’t feel right. High School Musical 2 doesn’t count because it SUUUUUCKKKED so that left senior year, their big theater debut to choose from. Again, so many jams so little time. I chose this one because it has everything that High School Musical embodies all in one song. The love between Gabriella and Troy (check), the overemphasis on a non-ranking varsity basketball team (check), Troy battling his passion for sports AND singing at an inconvenient time (check) and finally everyone in the school joining in uninvited (check). Plus it gets you pumped up to win the big game or sing your heart out or whatever.
11. Killer Tofu- The Beets,Doug
What I really wanted to do was include Doug’s quick foray into singing on this playlist but how I remembered the song “Bangin on a trashcan” was WAY better than what it actually sounded like. I think Beebe did backup vocals or something and it RUINED the song. Plus Skeeter didn’t honk, honk in it. Lame. This one is a gr8 tune from Doug’s fave band The Beets. I’m shocked they don’t cycle this on classic rock stations. OH-EE-OHHH KILLER TOFUUUUUU.
“I eat my sugar cereal but it makes my teeth bacterial”- THIS IS GENIUS SONGWRITING.
12. Ultimate- Pink Slip,Freaky Friday
I’m not at all embarrassed to admit that I purchased a hard copy of this movie’s soundtrack and also was inspired to learn guitar so that I could start a rock band and win over a guy who looked like Chad Michael Murray. I played the song this band played at Wango Tango in the movie to my dad and told him to teach it to me. He taught me Jingle Bells first and I quit guitar lessons a week later. Pipe dreams, ya know? Anyway, Linds rockin an electric guitar at her mom’s wedding was SO RAD.
13. Cinderella- The Cheetah Girls,The Cheetah Girls
Ideally “Cheetah Sisters” would be on this playlist but it’s actually a real snooze of a song for like the first minute and no one is gonna sit around for that. This song is actually good, so you’re welcome, everyone’s ears. The Cheetah girls introduced me to stupid handshakes, excessive animals prints, and the fact that names like Galleria, Aqua and Dorinda even existed. #Culture. Thanks Disney Channel. 3LW obviously carried the group and I’m grateful they demoted their careers for this flick. Plus they gave me a reason to still regularly say “We’re Cheetah Girls, Cheetah Sisters” every time someone else wears a cheetah print on the same day as me. (It happens more often than you would think.)
14. Forever- Jesse & The Rippers,Full House
YAASSSSS. SING IT TO ME, UNCLE J. This song is probably the best song to ever come out of a TV show…it was also #1 in Japan, domo very much. Jesse & The Rippers were the shit and I could’ve put any of their songs on this mix but this one deserves it the most because it was written for Becky and it’s adorbz. Relationship goals. Plus it has an actual music video featuring a very shirtless Jesse. Lick.
15. Bella’s Finals- Barden Bellas,Pitch Perfect
Since I tortured you with some real weird 90’s and Disney songs on this playlist, we shall end the same way we started…with fire flames. The Barden Bellas are the badass bitches of the accapella world and this mashup they did to win the finals should win all the awards ever. It’s also a really great drinking song.
Every One Tree Hill fan had one couple that they shipped, HARD. Naley was mine. I started my obsession with them because I HAD to root for the tutor nerd getting swept away by the star basketball player and making him into a better person. I realize after a few seasons they became queer as shit but I was already in deep, always…and forever. Anyway, other than having a barf-inducing phrase that they say to each other instead of I love you, Naley’s thing is getting down and dirty in the rain. They took the makeout scene in The Notebook and amplified it, literally going to poundtown every time a storm cloud rolls in. What’s that? You want me to rank each time they used the rain as a lubricant from worst to best?
Season 8, Episode 11. Darkness On The Edge of Town.
This is the rainstorm that Jamie almost dies in soap opera style and this episode as a whole SUCKS. This is Naley’s worst rain moment mostly because they don’t have a movie-worthy makeout but also because Haley is wearing a bucket hat. They get a flat tire, Nathan has to fix it and Haley ruins everything by trying to help. She also tells him she can’t have sex with him in the backseat because she’s pregnant. Um, since when can you not have sex while preggers, Hales? It’s raining, that means you get to down to biz, stat, regardless of if your headwear choice is a real boner kill.
Season 5, Episode 12. Hundred.
Naley is going through a real rough patch during season 5 after Nathan finally cleans up his mullet and miraculously gains use of his dead legs again then promptly gets caught tongue-ing Nanny Carrie. Haley sends him packing but when he shows up to try to win her back Jamie falls in the pool and almost drowns while they’re fighting, cause the little shit just couldn’t wait until his parents were back together to almost sink to the bottom of the pool. That’s when Haley demands a divorce and it was a dark time for me during their separation. This rain scene is a literal wet dream (get it?) which makes it a real buzzkill. I needed it to be real that there was a rainstorm in the kitchen and all was well with Naley but obviously it took Jamie getting stolen from Lucas’s wedding for them to realize they needed to stay married or something.
Season 9, Episode 13. One Tree Hill.
In the last episode of the series, there obviously needs to be a quick ode to everything that was great about Naley since they LITERALLY put us through hell for the majority of the season as Nathan lived in a Russian warehouse strapped to a chair and dying. NBD. Hales and Nathan decide to go for a quick walk in the pouring rain and do a little slow dancing to their boy Gavin. As far as rain scenes go this wasn’t their best, but I get what was being accomplished here. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, Nathan almost died but we decided that wouldn’t be best so we’re just going to remind you that Naley will forever and always be together and using the rain as nature’s aphrodisiac. Got it.
Season 1, Episode 22. The Games That Play Us
Ah, the rainstorm that started it all…Haley finds pics of Peyton on Nathan’s computer when she’s snooping and she sees that he watches porn. No seriously, she gets mad at him about porn. To prove that he’s not a porn freak, he stands outside her house waiting for her so he can apologize and say that he loves her a whole lot more than porn stars. It starts to rain and thus begins the Naley trend of making up after a fight with a rainy mack sesh. Gavin plays (OF COURSE) and Nathan says I’m gonna have you kiss you and Haley’s all ooookkk if you musttttt as she sashays in her white platform flip flops to get closer to her man candy.
Season 3, Episode 13. The Wind That Blew My Heart Away
Right in line with the last one, here’s another circumstance that Naley used natural weather patterns to heal their relationship probz. Hales is stressed because she wants to go to Stanford and Nathan wants to go to Duke. You know, typical high school couple issues of choosing which esteemed school to attend for free. They get rained in together and have to deal with all of the fallout from Haley becoming Hannah Montana and going on tour for her junior year of high school. Haley feels bad that she was such a doucher and chose music over their marriage and Nathan reassures her that he was proud of her and he runs out in the rain to show her the newspaper articles and reviews he’s been stockpiling in a shoebox and surprisingly didn’t set on fire when she was away. Obvy the rain ruins them all (only for them to be miraculously revived the next morning) and Haley’s like you don’t need that you’ve got me-cue make out on top of a car. Double dicey, Chris Keller (Tyler Hilton) is playing in the background. DON’T BRING HIM UP, OTH…it’s STILL TOUCHY.
Season 2, Episode 1. The Desperate Kingdom of Love
Remembz how Haley wanted to save herself until marriage? Yeah it seems like a real distant memory but the result of their porn fight/makeup led to Haley being like hey let’s have sex now because water is falling from the sky and creating a little wet t shirt contest scenario. And then Nathan proposes to her and Haley says the most realistic thing she’ll ever utter about their relationship when she says, “Nathan, this is not normal. Couples just don’t get married in high school.” BUT THEN OBVIOUSLY SAYS YES. And then it’s kewl for them to have sex cause like they’re getting married. Bonus points for “She Will Be Loved” by Maroon 5 playing during this scene and tugging at every teen heart string.
Season 3, Episode 17. Who Will Survive, And What Will Be Left of Them
All it took was for Uncle Keith to get murdered and suddenly Naley was like shit, let’s be togets for real cause YOLO. Some of their happiest moments were in the episodes after Keith got shot when everyone else was grieving and they were catching some alone time to get busy after the funeral. They’re obsessing over each other and Haley’s like if only it were raining and then I would be hornier, and Nathan’s like I gotchu-I make it rain on dem hoes. He takes her to the football field and they have a cute little picnic where Nathan tells Haley that just in case he also gets shot by his dad, he wants her to know how happy he is and that she can have all of his belongings in his will. The sprinklers turn on and Haley is so impressed that Nathan knew the lawn care schedule at the high school that she makes out with him. “It’s not possible to be this in love!!!”, Haley declares and I sigh as they get arrested for public indecency on the football field.
Thanks to this superfan making a supercut, you can watch all rainy scenes in one place…don’t say I never gave you anything (again to be clear I had no part in creating this.)
Full disclozsh: this blog is specifically for One Tree Hill superfans like myself, others will find it very, very weird.
This weekend was a One Tree Hill convention in Wilmington, NC (Tree Hill) and it was a big deal because it was the first one held in the US. Apparently Europe is more aggress about organizing OTH reunions (there was a big one in Paris a few months ago) because they’ve had a bajillion and we’ve never had one, which makes no sense but whatevz. Basically these conventions get all of the actors back together and have a bunch of Q&A’s, photo ops and meet & greets. As a devout OTH fan myself, I legitimately looked into going to this but then Sophia Bush hadn’t signed on yet and all the tickets swiftly sold out (who buys tix before Brooke Davis is confirmed?) Anywho, it probably worked out for the best that I didn’t have to start a new job and ask for advance vacation so that I could go to a fictional town and pretend a teen show that ended 4 years ago is real life. Instead, I binged my favorite episodes of season 3 (Naley Forever…and always) and stalked the convention on social media so I could create this one stop shop for an assortment of pictures and videos from the weekend for your entertainment.
The crew they assembled:
By character name- Whitey, Skillz, Jimmy Edwards, Bevin, Junk, Fergie, Felix, Andy, Chuck, Davis (Brooke and Julian’s son), Grubbs, Mouth, Chase, Chris Keller, Lucas, Peyton. (Basically their two leads who ditched the show 3 seasons before it ended were the top billing for this convention.)
Notably missing- Brooke, Julian, Haley, Nathan, Quinn, Clay, Alex, Millie, Dan, Keith, Karen, Deb, Rachel, Jamie, Mia, Nanny Carrie…
Weird Fan pics (apparently reenacting scenes is a big thing):
My favorite is probably the two girls reenacting the don’t say I never gave you anything scene and the fact that the person who posted it said they were new friends. Because who doesn’t meet a new person and immediately ask them to recreate a famous couples scene from One Tree Hill for Insta? All the uncomfies. Also, girl who showed up in a Ravens cheerleading uniform, do less.
Meet & Greet/ Event Pics with Cast:
This last picture is apparently Brooke Davis’s INFANT son. Like he was an ACTUAL baby on the show, and now people are paying to take pictures with him? Is this real life? No it’s Tree Hill. It was nice of Skills to show up (is he on parole?) wearing a shirt that says Black Jesus. You do you, Skills. He also apparently told everyone he can’t get verified on Twitter because he follows too many porn stars. Michael Copon, AKA the guy who got cheeked by Kim Kardashian, returned to Brooke’s house. I wonder if he also took a quick dip in the pool?
Other Highlights:
-Chuck now has a singing career (not Broadway related like his character), and belted out the theme song at his Q&A, pictured above. I’ll spare your ears the video…
-In relation to ear shattering videos, Tyler Hilton invited a fan onstage to sing Haley’s part of When the Stars Go Blue (the disrespect is so real) and she was really really terrible at singing. I covered my eyes and ears for the whole 20 second video. I can’t imagine hearing the whole song.
-Fans demanded dance reenactments. Bevin did the Spice Girls dance (she forgot most of it, because who would actually expect these people to remember a dance they did for one scene five years ago?) and Skillz/Mouth were asked to do their strip tease dance. Also Michael Copon apparently had a singing appearance on That’s So Raven and they made him do that for the crowd as well. Suuuper embarrassing.
1. THE MOST IMPORTANT NEWS RELATED TO THE SUPER BOWL THIS WEEK: Budweiser releases some teaser footage of their annual ad full of puppies and horsies. This year’s ad is called “Lost Dog” and I think I speak for all white girls when I say I CAN’T EVEN with these clips and pictures of the wittle baby puppy wandering around lost and scared. Budweiser better deliver that happy ending, I barely sat through Homeward Bound and I cannot handle another pet being lost. We don’t need another Sarah Mclachlan travesty of a commercial on our hands, Bud.
Since we don’t know the outcome of this little guy’s muddy adventure just yet, let’s pick ourselves back up by watching last year’s ad “Puppy Love”
Enjoy crying into your buffalo wing dip this year at the Super Bowl.
2. Ellie Goulding released the music video for Love Me Like You Do off of the Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack. I’m including this for all my 50 Shades Fanatics. I haven’t read the book because if I’m going to read a novel about BDSM I’d prefer that my mom and grandma haven’t read the same one. I probably won’t see the movie either because I saw the chemistry between these two at the Golden Globes and it wasn’t worth a sizzle reel. However, this song is catchy and I can get down with it. So jam out and enjoy some lip biting, long stares and O faces set to Ellie’s magical voice, you wacky sex fiends.
BONUS: In related 50 Shades news this week, apparently the scene from the book including a tampon being ripped from Ana’s vag will NOT be included in the film, which is a shame really because nothing gets me going quite like my uterine wall shedding every month.
3. Chad Michael Murray got married to Sarah Roemer and they’re expecting. Don’t know who Sarah Roemer is? A quick trick to figure out who CMM is dating is to browse the cast list of his most recent TV Show/Movie.
Chad is a co-star whore. It all started with Sophia Bush on OTH, then “allegedly” Paris Hilton on House of Wax and finally he was engaged to extra Kenzie Dalton from OTH for like ever and most recently was Nicky Whelan also his co-star from Chosen (awwkkk these three worked together and he boned both.) He can’t keep his hands home while he’s working apparently. He’s been dating Sarah since August, so it’s obviously reaaall serious. I hope for all One Tree Hill fans that he called Sarah last minute from the airport to get hitched in Vegas. And she showed up and said, You’re a mess, Chad Michael Murray–But you’re my mess. Cue the ambiguous too-deep-for-high-school literature quote:
4. Mrs. Doubtfire to become a musical. Alan Menken who is like the #1 Disney composer revealed that he’s been writing music for the musical version of Mrs. Doubtfire and Harvey Fierstein will be writing the book. Fierstein played the brother who did the infamous Mrs. Doubtfire makeover in the movie. My thoughts on this childhood favorite of mine becoming a musical can be summed up in one word: NOOOOOOOOOOOO. Seriously not everything needs to be sung. Three thousand thumbs down to this idea and the film’s sequel as well. Leave the classic alone, poppets.
5. JLo dished on Watch What Happens Live and continued her fashion tour of “I’m 45 and I’ll leave my tits and ass out as much as I please”.
When asked about her exes, JLo revealed that clearly she doesn’t go for looks, delivering a nice zinger to her ex-husband and father of her children, Marc Anthony. Yeah girl, we know. Also she’s still willing to rob the cradle, which we all assumed by her recent wardrobe choices and her affinity to get reeeall close with her baby costar from the glorified Lifetime movie that came out last weekend “Boy Next Door”. (Unrelated: does anyone wanna go see that with me? Let me know.)
Bonus: Nick Jonas grabbed his junk again. This time in a suit. You’re welcome ladies…
Since it’s Thursday I thought it would be an approps time to throw it back to the years when I pretended that I lived in Tree Hill, North Carolina and was friends with a bunch of cool kids who got married, started clothing labels, became touring singers and had babies in high school. Obviously this show was the most realistic it could have been and that’s why it holds a special place in my heart and I hope many* of yours too. (*could be an exaggeration) There’s no better way to share my love for One Tree Hill than through a mix tape of the best songs from seasons 1-9 and obviously I’ve accompanied each song with commentary and back story so that you can relive all of the drama and all of the feels. I realize that this was really Peyton of me to make a mixtape and I can assure you that while there may be some downers on this mix, I tried to keep them at minimum.
When The Stars Go Blue-Haley James & Chris Keller (OR Bethany Joy Lenz & Tyler Hilton). I hate to start you off with the song that sparked the ALMOST Naley annulment but we needed to address the tough stuff right away. These two sound fab togets but obv Chris couldn’t keep his hands home and had to go and ruin everything for half of the series…glad he was able to make his triumphant comeback in Season 9 though, no hard feelsies.
Non-Believer-La Rocca. Let me just preface this by saying that I started out making this with every intention of keeping the songs in order so you could properly relive their story, but it just didn’t flow the way it should have. So we’re going to do some jumping around. This was one of those supes dramats songs that Peyton was all “music heals everything and makes it better”. I’m pretty sure she whipped this one out when Hayles was casj in a coma while 8 months preggo after Nathan sacrificed her for some point shavinz. It’s included because it’s actually a rare upbeat choice from Ms. Sawyer…the rest made me want to slit my wrists.
The Funeral-Band of Horses. This jam is off one of the offish. soundtracks that I actually bought in CD form back in the day when people purchased CD’s, so you know it’s an OTH classic. It can have some downer tones, but I tried my hardest to only have a couple depressing songs on this mix and try to keep it surprisingly upbeat for a show that had casj school shootings/murders and pro athletes in wheelchairs with mullets. I’m pretty sure the funeral was used a couple different times, no doubt over some dramats scenes with Lucas quoting a book.
Let Me Fall-Bethany Joy Lenz. This one is added SOLELY for some lawlerskate times. Remember back in the day when Limewire was the way to get music, right around the time of AIM? Yeah I wanted this song but since she never recorded it officially, my only option was directly from the show. So TBT to this episode, you’ll know EXACTLY what’s going on because each person blabs during Haley’s performance…like have a little respect guys, it’s her first time singing in public and she’s being a baby bitch about it. Enjoy.
World Spins Madly On-The Weepies. Another sadsie. But I just made you laugh so it’s ok…I planned that, obv. This one plays after Peyton finds Ellie dead, which is a real buzzkill considering the episode it happens in was a fire flames one. Basically everyone gets back together during the storm and bangs and then Peyton goes and ruins everything by having her birth mom die and bringing her their mixtape that they made togets. Damn you, Peyton.
Halo-Haley James Scott. (Not Kidding that’s exactly how they wrote it on the CD.) OTH got real savvy with their mixes that they released every season and this one was the actual mixtape that Peyton produced with previously mentioned dead mom, further blurring reality and TV, which obviously just made me feel like I was actually a part of Tree Hill more than is normal. But this is by FAR Hale’s best jam. Even Nathan was like k cool this is good let’s stay married. He didn’t want to be hitched to a one-hit wonder probably.
Someday-Bryan Greenberg. Such an underrated character/storyline. Jake & Peyton were a whiny/we have adult problems at 16 match made in heaven. And of course she was like btw I dream about Lucas and probably love him or something. I still don’t understand how she could make that declaration AFTER he performed this song for her live, confessing his love. Also legit great song, I actually wish he was a musician more than an actor.
Babe I’m Gonna Leave You-Led Zeppelin. This is an actual hardcore throwback. Back to the days when Den had a mullet and was in a band called Zipper. (WOOF). This is a generally good song, but I also cannot listen to it without thinking of Nathan, Rachel & Cooper being immersed in the river with Haley in her wedding dress wailing at the top of the bridge. AND THEN THE CRACKER JACK BRACELET SURFACES IN THE WATER. At that point in time, I DIDN’T KNOW IF NATHAN WOULD MAKE IT. Okay, I need to stop…too many feels. Classic rock magic.
Feel This-Bethany Joy Galeotti Ft. Enation. Ok now we’re in the days where Jamie is a cutie little bear & not an actual large bear with braces, obviously we’re doing our best not to mention Jimmy Jam because he should’ve stayed a baby forever instead of ruining the series. Hales is all, I wanna be a mom and a teacher and also a pop star. And Nathan’s all go for your dreams because I can walk now and I will be a pro athlete again and pretend I never had a mullet or paralysis. So she starts recording again, a little weirder stuff, but still ok. Everything after this should be forgotten because that’s when she starts singing about spaceships or something. This should’ve been her retirement song.
No Good-Kate Voegele. Speaking of Hales going pop star, Kate (or Mia in the show) was the one who gave her the inspiration. The weirdo with a hoodie in a band with gangstah Kevin Federline. Since the show basically brought her fame, every single song she recorded was also featured on OTH. I chose this one because it’s a good FU song for when you’re feeling feisty. Mia performed it for the first time and was being a pussybitch about it but then saw that wigga KFed was there and decided to deliver him a cold serving of I’m onstage and you’re not. YOU’RE NO GOOD KFAT.
Wedding Dress-Matt Nathanson. Hey remember when they teased at Peyton dying a bunch of times before deciding the best way to write her out would be to just have her drive away? Kewl guys. This was death scare number 2 in season 6. Her and Lucas FINALLY got married and they’re being all adorbsies when ALL OF THE SUDDEN Peyton starts bleeding out all over her wedding gown. Always with the dramatics, Peyton. She died for just enough time for everyone to cry about it. Then lived and had a healthy 2 year old baby. Pretty realistic.
Within You-Ray LaMontagne. Sad song again. It’s been a while though so I thought it was time. This was played a couple times that were boo-hootastic. First was when Brooke dumps Lucas after the grand Naley wedding/drownfest. She was so mature and was like hey by the way peace out because you can’t keep your eyes or your mouth off my BFF. It was kind of sad but more so annoying. Who cheats on Brooke? Honestly. Second time was when they had graduated and they all left their lame HS house party to play basketball at the river court and deface public property with graffiti. Jk. This was actually kind of sad because it was HIGH SCHOOL graduation and one of them was already going home early to check on her fresh baby. “We’ll always be friends, I know it. In four years we’ll be back here together.”-Brooke (or the writers, guaranteeing a 5th season).
Whiskey-Jana Kramer. I can’t believe I made you wait this long for our fave little cutter-slut Alex Dupre. This was when she decided to be a good person and show everyone she’s also a country singer. She performed this at Tric in a sparkly mini skirt and won Tree Hill’s hearts back. What a gem she was.
Half Moon-Blind Pilot. This was played in the series finale when they were flashing back to the HS days and reflecting on their choices. They were SO old and wise by the end of the series…oh wait they were all roughly OUR AGE and married with kids. Crushing young adult life.
Almost Everything-Wakey!Wakey!. Another band that OTH incorporated into the show and then played every one of their songs. I don’t hate it. In fact I had quite the difficult time picking the right one for this mix because I really dig them all. So this band was Grubbs the bartender in the show who miraculously had singing talent and would only record if he could also bang the British record lady. ADORBZ. Most of his songs were played in the season 7 finale when Haley is just peeking out of her creepy depression after her mom died. Not to be insensitive, but she set her piano on fire…So this song is happy because she’s like trying to smile and not drown herself and they’re all in Utah having some happy snow times.
The Good Kind-The Wreckers. Here we are throwing it back again to season 2 when Haley chooses music over Nathan (sob) and tours with The Wreckers. Also always thought it was random nation that Michelle Branch was popping up in epis of OTH. Haley fangirls all over them and they’re like Haley you’re actually so talented and she’s like really? Ok I’ll leave my husband and tour with you guys then! And they’re like we didn’t offer. JK they did. Whatevs. #StillBitter.
I Want Something That I Want-Grace Potter & Bethany Joy Galeotti. When Haley first starts thinking about music again post-Jamie and Nathan’s dead legs miraculous recovery, she’s like I don’t even know if I’m good anymore wah wah I miss singing for fun. And so she randomly shows up at a park and starts singing with this street performer broad. And they start playing the same song and harmonizing as if they’ve practiced or something. And that’s how Haley James Scott got her groove back.
Loaded Gun-Tyler Hilton. There’s a million Chris Keller songs to pick from but I wanted music from the funny/dum dum Chris Keller that we actually liked from the last season rather than homewrecker/douchebag Chris Keller from the first 3 seasons. He rocks this one out at Tric when he’s trying to impress a label exec and stick it to her. This is before he saves Nathan from Russian ‘nappers. What a bossman.
Us Against The World-Coldplay. Whoops last sappy song I promise. This is the song they play when Dan dies and has a fake(? Still unsure about that one) conversation with Nathan at the river court and they forgive each other and it gets really dusty in the room and a piece gets stuck in my eye and it starts to maybe water a little bit. Then Keith comes back and picks up Danny and they carpool to heaven (Keith gives Dan a guest pass I’m assuming). So like yeah, it’s sad and stuff but when you think about how weird it was it’s not too bad. Also he was a murderer so let’s not casj let that one slide by.
Solder-Gavin DeGraw. I could’ve easily taken the cheap route and put the theme song last but honestly I know you’ve heard it 70000 times and we can all agree that season 7’s hipster variations of it each episode essentially ruined it for me. So I chose this one because it was in the series finale when Gavs came back for a Tric appearance and Haley sounded like a circus announcer (never forget). It’s a sweet song & I wanted to end this debauchery down memory lane on a sweet note, so there you have it.
There is only one Tree Hill, & it’s your home.
it’s fictional.
Even though it’s fictional DOES not mean it didn’t give us lots of feels, which is why I’m not ashamed to have given you this mix. Play it on repeat, always……………………….and forever.
The Salty Ju 