We’re almost through with awards season…and winter, God willing. The SAG’s are typically skipped by the gen pop who doesn’t need another opportunity to listen to the richies of Hollywood wax poetic about why they love being an actor. But they finally moved them to Sunday night on Netflix and let’s be real, we don’t have anything else to do on Sunday nights. I had a 4pm dinner reservation with the olds, carbo-loaded and had an hour to kill before the red carpet even started. If this is what it’s like to be 85, I’m there, baby. Can’t wait. This weekend I went on a mission to find a pair of jeans that fit me, and the result was me buying a pair of elastic waist pleather joggers and WHO NEEDS BUTTONS anymore?! I wore them out on the town last night and demanded my mom take a solo shot of me WERKIN them. Best dressed, AMIRITE?!
Here’s what everyone else wore. It goes without saying that they’ll never look as good as me wearing glorified loungewear on a Saturday night at a swanky cocktail bar.
Pick a style, sleeve or sleeveless. Don’t pull this cop-out one sleeve, one bare arm nonsense.
I’m all in on this silver Chinese finger trap lookin concoction. She’s serving this party city streamer neckline so hard I can’t help but respect it.
The pop of red with her lips and nails makes this as spicy as her Taco Bell sponsored proposal.
My kneejerk reaction is how young this look is. I feel like she’s going to prom, but she JUST turned 21 so honestly, it tracks. She’s just wearing what the youths wear, probably from Shein.
DIE AWAY FROM ME PEPLUM.
I know you’re sick of me complaining about this but she’s GOTTA wear a different shade of pink. This pale pink is washing her completely out. I like the dress style and I think the flowers are pretty but I cannot look at another red carpet appearance by her looking like she checked herself out of the hospital against the Dr’s wishes to be there.
Clearly this was the color of the night, which I very much don’t approve of, but what’s the hot tip you give your hair girl to get this monstrosity? I want you to make it look like I glued my hair to cover half of my face. Make me look like I’m wearing a bonnet made of sleek hair. Give me the Buzz Lightyear special.
Oh my damn this is bad. It’s belly dancer meets boardroom. Wanna class up your chest and belly chain of rhinestones? Just add a collar! Exquisite.
This look is money as hell. A bowtie AND a scarf?! He has many leather-bound books and his house smells of rich mahogany.
Abby Elliott is my style twin. I love everything she wears. She’s not afraid to rock a pastel and a girl after my own heart she matches all her accessories precisely! Brings a tear to my eye.
Ooohh this dress is like smooth chrome. I wanna touch it.
Keri always looks stunning but for the love of God stop PINNING A GIANT FLOWER ON DRESSES.
The pattern of this dress looks like worms. But that’s not what I want to discuss here. I want to discuss the fact that Jane Fonda was the first star to do a red carpet interview and I genuinely thought her batteries died mid-interview. Obviously as all red carpet “emcees” go, they’re essentially braindead and all they do is call women queens and tell them they slay and slobber all over them. But this chooch asked 2-3 legit questions and Jane short-circuited and stared at her with her mouth agape each time she was expected to answer. Yet when she accepted the life achievement award, she was able to give a VERY lengthy boring speech reading from a teleprompter. Is Jane Fonda a robot who needed to get plugged in and powered up for the show? You heard it here first.
This is the only way I will accept this color. Silk tuxedo jammy style.
These two are wearing the same dress and you cannot convince me otherwise. Ya smooch the same guy one time and now ya gotta twin at awards show?!
Sick doily.
Very appropos for a Showgirl nom. Give us a shimmy, guuuurrrrrllll.
I was into the glitter flowers but when I scanned down to those boots, OOoooHHHEEEE. I need me a pair of gold boots.
Obsessed with this. I need a mint Marvelous Mrs. Maisel fit IMMEDIATELY. The leather gloves give it a real bad grrl edge.
No. Get this the hell out of my face forever.
Neon green, a bolo, and a leather suit are all choices and none of them are good ones.
Poop suits unite! No but seriously though I hate a brown suit and both of these babes are pulling it off.
Big leather guy over here (did I mention I am the proud new owner of clearance leather joggers?) but this little shelf thing happening at her hips is a peplum in disguise. GET RID OF IT.
J.A.W. clearly watched Kendrick saunter all over the football field in those bootcut jeans and said, me too. Gimme a little flare.
SLEEK
This looks like a watercolor and I’m very mesmerized by it. Supes prettz.
This is so hideous and he’s a walking velvet booger, but also the way that jacket is tied is also giving Karate class. He’s about to HI-YA his way right out of your nose.
Two words: Chunky Platforms. I feel like we’re back in the Steve Madden era and I don’t like it one bit.
💃💃💃
I didn’t expect to like this calf-length coat but it’s fierce as shit. It’s like am I going to a funeral or am I going to walk a red carpet? Am I hiding an assault rifle in here or am I just a theater kid with a flair for the dramatics?No one will ever know.
A mermaid IRL.
I’m obsessed with the color periwinkle but how did we go from Kenny’s bootcut halftime moment to full blown JNCO’s? That escalated so quickly. And not for nothing but I’ve been on the hunt for a pair of jeans that fit me and you know what makes an already terrible shopping experience of finding pants that will button EVEN WORSE? NOT KNOWING WHAT THE BOTTOMS OF YOUR JEANS SHOULD BE DOING. Skinny? Straight? Stovepipe? Slim? Bootcut? Flare? Baggy? Barrel? Ankle? WHAT ARE WE DOING WITH JEANS THESE DAYS?! PICK ONE STYLE. JUST ONE. AND LET IT BE IN STYLE FOR ALL OF ETERNITY.
Oh shit, Ray-J, she’s been bringing the heat and the rack this awards season. Ok, girl. I see you.
Immediately no. Why this homeslice lookin like he’s gonna cut you up into pieces in his basement? Nightmares.
This is the best I’ve seen Kathy Bates looking since she clearly went on the zempic diet and are those gym sneaks she’s rockin downtown? Keep it comfy, booboo.
Ope look at that now we’ve got Karate Kid Part 2!
This is a female tuxedo look I can get behind. Enough of the ties and baggy 90’s suits on ladies. Cinch a cummerbund around your snatched waist and toss on a stack of pearls to class up your menswear.
I do love a plaid moment even though it’s not Christmas.
This blue is SO eye-catching and fun and makes her blonde stand out!
The skinny scarf trend of the early aughts has made its way to the men. Yikes. Let’s not and say we did.
I’ve never been happier to close out a red carpet so I can stop seeing this awful flesh-tone on a bunch of pasty ladies. WEAR A BRIGHT COLOR SO YOUR SKIN DOES NOT MATCH YOUR DRESS, BB’S.
THIS IS HOW YOU DO A SOFT PINK! Dark hair, dark skin, and this color looks a bajillion times better. I said out loud as soon as I saw Kerry, “shining, shimmering, splendid.” And I meant it. This is my favorite look of the night and it ain’t even close. It’s fairy princess fun and glam, her hair completely matches the sleek retro vibe, and this is how you take a color of the moment and make it memorable.
The SAG Awards being on a Saturday night has forever thrown me off, I remember days in my fresh from college years where I was pre-gaming to the awards. Obviously that is no longer an issue for me as I can’t remember the last time I unironically used the term pre-gaming or left my house after 10pm. But, pulling a red carpet out of my ass on a Saturday night is still a feat. On top of that, Netflix had to flex their live TV muscle and decide to show them this year making it confusing as to how I could even find them. Needless to say, I missed half the awards but it was too big of a heavy hitter to also miss the red carpet. (I figured the People’s Choice Awards were geared toward reality monsters and everyone looked like garbaggio anyway so I went ahead and skipped that one, you’re welcome.)
WORST
It’s Working Girl meets One Room School House and it is hideous.
I’m sorry, what? I could stare at this gloves/shrug combo deal forever and still be perplexed by it. Did she have to lay face first on a bed and put her hands and arms into those gloves and then pull the shelf bra over her chest? No that can’t be right because how did it get around the back? I may never figure this out but honestly I don’t want to because it’s disgusting.
I don’t love the color of this but even more so, I don’t love this weird glitter/brocade texture.
This is a Bitty Baby version of Kathryn’s duds above. What’s with the black shelf bra and sheer gloves?! Also, immediately no:
I literally get a headache just looking at it.
What a monstrosity. The poof around her neck is giving court jester while the 5 layers of cupcake tiers are giving my worst nightmare. And to top it all off we’ve got a blinding bronze linear pattern. Just goes to show that a best dressed at one red carpet can fall right down the well into a dumpster fire at the next.
This is jarring to say the least. Imagine being a grown adult with an underboob cutout in the shape of a Dorito? Cringe city.
American Girl Doll chic except it’s not chic at all it’s basically a picnic tablecloth with Kirsten braid bunz.
OoOoh a condom waterfall!
Lace halter is so 2000’s prom dress it hurts.
I’m actually feeling kind of torn about this. On the one hand, her makeup is stunning and I love the simple jewels. On the other hand, the top of this dress being a square with shoulder dangles and boxy throughout is super unflattering on her.
Ole toilet paper mummy head ass. Homegirl just looks like she got attacked by wolves on her way here. How are we calling this a dress? It’s just a bunch of shredded fabric glued together and if the person who designed this is rolling in it, I’m about to change careers. Charlee! Hand me my shears!
I hate to be the one to say it and I know I’ll rock the boat on the JAW cult following, but the man whose last name is White, does not actually look great in a white suit. It’s a little pervy to me and I can’t even explain why because it’s just a suit on a deliciously hot man. Maybe it’s the pointy black boots? I don’t know but so far this season we’ve seen him in all black and black pants with a white jacket and I was hunky dory with both of those but this is an ick.
I hate that opera gloves are making a red carpet comeback. Sure, I love to be dramatic as much as the next gal but we don’t need gloves up to our armpits with a full glam look. There’s a time and a place for the Pretty Woman gloves and green leather with a full detailed floral dress ain’t it, honey. (I actually like the dress because I’m a sucker for mint and for flowers but the gloves ruined it.)
I’m sorry, was the jester on several stylist mood boards for the SAGs?! HOLY DANGLES. This makes my eyes hurt and probably poked a lot of people as she scooted by.
DIE AWAY FROM ME BIG BELTS. No one, and I mean no one, should ever go back into their Big Belt Era. That being said (and I mean it, don’t let this stupid trend come back) I do like the top corset-esque cut to the dress.
Look, Bradley’s getting up there in age. He’s no longer the suave Hollywood babe so effortlessly. And that’s why I feel like I wanted more from him. He can’t just get by on his good looks anymore he’s gotta turn up the heat in the fashion department. I trust that he’ll read this note and come right for the Oscars.
STRAPLESS BOOBS.
I’ve got a Barbie heel to Margot Robbie’s neck this awards season and I won’t let up until she wows me. This is super vaginal. I saw it and was like oh she’s going for pussy chic. I KNOW she has an arsenal of original Barbie fits to pick from the cream of the crop and I’m sick of her not pulling out all the stops for red carpets. Sure, she kinda got snubbed for the Oscars. It’s whatever. All the more reason to be showing OUT on the carpet. Keeping my fingers crossed for an Oscars stunner.
GLEN GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE WITH THAT POOP SUIT WHAT TF ARE YOU DOING?! YOU HAVE A TOP ROM COM AND YOU SHOW UP ON THE SILVER CARPET LOOKING LIKE A TURD IN THE PUNCH BOWL AND NOT THE BABE SODA OF EVERY GIRL’S DREAMS?!
BEST
Simple and kinda 90’s alt chick but it works.
Oh hell yea this is a nice twist on the lady suit. Tuxedo style top with a sparkle skirt! I’m into this.
This guy is just happy to be here after that long hiatus and I like that he’s dressing to impress. He’s not pulling out the tired black tux, he’s spicing it up with a SAG-AFTRA blue (literally matches the background) and he looks great.
Not 100% in love with a mesh shirt but definitely swoon for a pastel blue.
I’m totally cool as a cuke about not having a flat tummy and continuing to consume all the cheese in the world until I see something like this and I’m like SHOULD I STARVE MYSELF/EXERCISE TO GET ABS?! The answer of course is I’d rather die, but I did think about it for a second. This midsection is TOIGHT. She looks fit as a fiddle and is even making me like peaches and cream in a gown.
The PERFECT hourglass dress.
Hey Girl, let me be your pastel Easter egg. Open me for a surprise. Whoa that took a weird turn, huh? That’s what happens when Ryan’s lookin like a spring snack getting me all hot and bothered.
An elegant Ice Princess.
The Disgusting Brothers can do whatever they want to me if they look like this. (I’m sorry I’m bringing an aggressive sexual energy to this red carpet, I literally can’t help it..look at Cousin Greg’s bedroom eyes.)
Put this in a museum because it’s a rare moment when I’ll say ok to these two. Billie’s back to black hair in a sassy pony and she’s got a school girl vibe and I’m digging it. It’s like classic Ralph Lauren. PLUS when her hair isn’t shades of neon, her eyes pop so much more! GO BILLIE GO!
I feel like Jen chopping her hair has contributed to a major glow-up. Not that she needed one. She’s been stunning for several decades in the spotlight but this sassy short hair is DOING IT ALL. She’s sunkissed (whether real or fake doesn’t matter), showing a little cleave and werkin a sparkle leg slit. Get down with your bad self, girliepop.
Normally not a cutout aficionado, but this seems like a tasteful side bewb sitch.
What a fun little glitzy hurricane number! Love the maroon and pattern.
Primary color Reese back at it again but damn it she looks fab.
Another fave look of the night, this dress is kinda scaley in a fun way! It’s like The Rainbow Fish but make it a little slinky number. Bookmarking this for my future wedding dress inspo. I’m gonna go into David’s Bridal and say just that.
This is me eating my words. Mermaid bottoms are toxic sludge EXCEPT when you ACTUALLY PLAYED THE LITTLE MERMAID. Loophole! I saw this and was like UGH KILL IT WITH FIRE. And then I remembered she was an actual mermaid and I immediately redacted it. She gets a pass. One time. Also great color.
Perfect LBD and really into the emerald necklace to give it a little pizazz.
I mean she’s the damn president of SAG AFTRA and basically led the strike and the negotiations for everyone to come back to making mid-TV and movies based on books. Let her rock a salsa girl emoji hot red number. She looks fabulous right down to the red nails. It makes my heart sing when a lady coordinates all of her details perfectly. 💃
BEST LOOK OF THE NIGHT:
I truly cannot stop gazing at this dress. It looks like liquid has been poured over her body in all the right ways. The chic bob on top and a simple necklace that perfectly accents the color is weeeerrrrkkkin. Everything about this is smooth AF.
We are in the future! How many years did I biiitch about the fact that awards shows (and basic cable) should be available to all?! Cut to 2023 when the SAG’s (arguably one of the least watched awards shows as it used to air on TBS) was streamed on YouTube via the Netflix channel. The me that bought an antenna three years ago and spent an afternoon holding it up in different areas of my *brick* building of an apartment only to never get a sig for an awards show and have to return that bad boy to Best Buy is VERY pleased about this recent development. Petition to move ALL awards shows to the free to all channels by 2025 or WE RIOT. No shitty commercials, no crafting new emails for free Live TV trials, and best discovery of them all…no censoring! Those celebs were dropping F bombs left and right and I was sliiiiiving for it. UNCUT, BABY! Imagine what the Will Smith slap rant would’ve looked like had network TV not scrambled to bleep it out and cover our eyes?! LET US SEE IT ALL! Judging by the post-break wrangling that presenters were doing onstage, people were beebopping around and getting rowdy out there. Give us an audience cam and let us watch celebs hobnob in between awards instead of commercials. Did I just singlehandedly make awards shows watchable again by changing a few minor key deets? YUP.
WORST
The pushed back hair and shoulder ruffles really turned me off here. Honestly it’s mostly the hair. Like, how is it just staying back like that. It’s as if she ran her fingers through her hair with super glue so it wouldn’t fall forward again because it’s certainly not wet or slicked or gelled. MYSTERY.
Look, if it was just the plaid jacket, I’d be like ok that’s a little off-beat but I can get down with it. THAT HAT THOUGH. What IS it?! A cross between a captain’s hat and a beanie? I’m operating under the assumption that this hat is for fashion and not for any religious purposes but I’m sure I’ll swiftly be cancelled if I’ve misjudged this sitch. If it was a style choice, I want nothing more than to knock it off his lil head.
AH MY EYES! This is offensive on so many levels. The color, the silk/lace combo deal, the bolero and the tiny beaded purse. Holy hell this is a matronly number straight outta 1997.
Emily Blunt looks snatched as hell considering she’s got multiple children, but this dress is way too much for me. If it was just the flowers, or just the cutouts or just the bright red, fine. But all three? Sensory overload, homeslice.
When I tell you I BURST out laughing when I stumbled upon this. Show up to the awards show where actors are their DOUCHIEST talking about the craft of acting, wearing doucheroni from head to toe. Seems about right.
I’ll never understand the ‘toss a circle at the top’ design. This is so boring and Amy is WAY too young to be pushed into the women of a certain age black gown category.
I think she was maybe going for a glam sea urchin vibe? The result was terrifying.
Bold of me to put these two on the worst dressed list when they’re mean muggin the camera this hard. Looks like they might reach right through this picture and give me a swirlie. But I like to live on the edge and this King and Queen of darkness act is not fitting for a joyous awards show. SO COME AT ME, BROS.
Sick bejeweled bra. This looks like when Phoebe was trying to seduce Chandler to get him to admit he was schtupping Monica and she just showed him her bra to make him flustered and confess.
I gotta be honest I did not know that JLC was packing this heat in the chestal area and yet at the same time it’s certainly something I didn’t need to know. Way too much cleave for a Sunday night. Also, kind of irked me that she called herself a nepo baby twice like she’s in on the joke, then essentially mounted Michelle Yeoh in front of everyone and wouldn’t stop slobbering all over her during her acceptance speech while not even MENTIONING Stephanie Hsu who was nominated in the same category for the same damn movie. RUDE. I didn’t think I’d ever be coming for such a Hollywood Heavyweight but she really starting asking for it when she genuinely guest-starred on an episode of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills to hawk her charity merch. So clearly my feelings of disappointment toward her have been festering for quite a while. Do better, Jamie Lee.
This is atrocious and there really is no other word to describe it. BROWN AND BABY BLUE CHESS BOARD on a dress, with a bell bottom silhouette. Woofsicles.
This foreign fella is the apple of many women’s eye if I had to judge based on all the thirsty tweets and yet I don’t get it. It’s like Harry Styles, actor edition. He’s got a mullet and he’s wearing an embroidered skirt…why are we acting like this dweebosaurus is a panty dropper?
NIGHTMARE FUEL. I saw this and was like wait I thought Evan Peters played Jeffrey Dahmer. Color me confused that the guy who showed up dressed like a creep monster was not attending in character but rather just looked at this head to toe whoutfit and thought, I will be irresistible in this.
I didn’t like this look to start and then Aubrey went onstage to present and I audibly gasped at how unforgiving the cut is. I imagine like 99% of Hollywood, Aubrey is a size zero and merely exists on a deep gulp of fresh air whilst hiking, grilled chicken and the occasional wheatgrass smoothie (with oat milk, obv.) And yet, due to the way this fabric is wrapped around her body, she looked fat. If I were her and I peeped the photo below, I’d immediately fire my stylist and anyone else who had a hand in this criss cross applesauce of a fashion choice.
A lace peacock. HOW BOUT NO.
At first glance I felt like Michelle resembled one of those giant swiffers your car cruises by in a car wash, but then she took the stage for her win and I saw the up close and personal deets of this unfortunate dress accessory. Those are literally the crinkly paper fillers you find at the dollar store and stuff in gift baskets. SHE IS WEARING EASTER BASKET FILLER GLUED TO HER FRONT. And even worse, she was NOT self-aware of her frazzled paps dress and let it rustle into the mic for a consistent fuzzy feedback sound that made me want to rip my ears clean off my head for her entire acceptance speech. HOW DO YOU NOT HEAR THE STATIC WHILE YOU’RE SPEAKING?!
I love the headband. Her hair looks amazing. And more importantly, I love that she won and boldly waved her hands around with one of her long black nails just straight up missing from her hand. Jennifer Coolidge is white trash personified and she’s a woman of the commoners. She shows us that we all can have a winning year after a lackluster career of doing a bit character and just haphazardly tossing red carpet looks together. As someone who has dabbled casually in the press-on nails game because my sister is an avid presser, I know how easily one of those guys can pop right off and get lost in the crowd. I can only hope that Jennifer was having herself a night and didn’t even realize one of her talons fell off, reppin gals everywhere who can’t afford to get an ANC mani every 2 weeks but still want fresh digits they can tap on a hard surface. Let’s normalize ratchet nails. (Related side bar, I’ve been vocal about wondering how girls with the long pointed tips wipe without stabbing their buttholes and I have a new question to add to that list…after going to a rock climbing gym for children this weekend and noticing that each employee had Cardi B nails, how exactly are y’all popping harnesses in and out and assisting children as they scale walls with 10 inch plastic daggers attached to each finger? We might have underestimated the next generation because if they can manage that without an oopsie stabbing or ripped finger, they can do anything.)
Head to tail floofs and of course…MER-MAID-BOT-TOM.
I typically shout out any man who wears something different from a black suit but POWDER BLUE?! Really?! ANY other shade of blue would’ve slapped but we had to go with the stereotypical 80’s prom choice…Also, is there a flood coming? James coming off like a real Geekburger here.
What in the actual fuck are we looking at here. I’m speechless.
I think the style of this dress is different and definitely flattering but Michelle looks like she’s 900 years old and I can’t stand for that. The combination of a black gown, pearl necklace, and her hair ripped back in a low library bun is aging her THE MOST. Even her pose looks stiff as hell. I want Jen Lindley back and I wanted her back yesterday. Loosen up, gurlfran!
He was on the best dressed because he’s cute but after hours of hacking away at this list I decided that NOT ALL CUTE BOYS CAN GET AWAY WITH BEING A SNOOZERONI. We need more.
BEST
Beautiful gown topped off by a teeny tiny little bun that is just downright adorable.
Really love that this dress is centered around pulling back all of the fabric to show off your stems. And she’s rockin a pair of gams so I’m glad they pulled back the curtain to reveal ’em.
Honestly probably would’ve loved this blazer as a dress (because it’s long enough, key deet) but this hot pink Barbie power suit is doing it for me.
Curly headed f*ck is still serving in a basic black tux. Rounding out awards season as a thirst trap and reeeealllyyyy making me question why The Bear was considered a comedy because it was most certainly not.
Love this splash of design but not too over the top, also love that he was the only one bold enough to try a bit during his nomination and he crushed a burger. Respect.
Fran has crossed the threshold of the aged Hollywood black dress requirement but the sparkles suit her and she’s rockin that hourglass figure.
Mrs. Sandler looks like a knockout. Adam looks better than when he dons cargo shorts and a double XL grey tee, but still giving schlubby dad vibes with the oversized suit and carrying his cell phone on the red carpet like he’s about to put his readers on and send a size 14 font text to his daughters.
This past weekend we introduced my niece to the MAGIC that is The Parent Trap. About a half hour into the movie when they show an 11 year old stabbing another 11 year old with a raw needle at summer camp, it seemed like maybe this was a little advanced for a kindergartener but that’s why I’m the auntie and a bad influence. The important takeaway here is that The Parent Trap got a new fan in Gen Alpha (yeah I just googled that) and it’s the gift that keeps on giving. Fresh off watching, this reunion hit a little harder especially because Mer and Chessy are polar opposite characters. One is a gold-digging twat, the other a nanny with a heart of gold. Both clean up well TWENTY-FIVE years later.
Now that we’ve done a full awards season with the Abbott Elementary cast, it’s clear Tyler is into stuntin a look. I fully support any man who wants to step out of the box in the suit department but not into a skirt. Try to spice up formal wear without stealing our bag. Tyler did a gr8 job.
Damn this is sexy without being overtly revealing.
Dig the dark frames on Brendan.
This gown is fishy in a glam way. Bet you’ve never heard those two things together before. Also, ever the one to push my own agenda, now that we’re on the topic of this actress, let’s talk about her role that wasn’t nominated but should have been…Zora in From Scratch on Netflix. First of all, 10/10 recommend if you want to feel like you’ve transported to Italy and also want to cry your eye sockets out of your damn skull, second of all #JusticeForZora who spends the ENTIRE movie bending over backwards to cater to her sister while her sister never once takes a minute to appreciate it or ask Zora if she needs anything. Grazie for coming to my Ted Talk.
Apparently the gown was artfully placed in this shot to cover up her ankle bracelet of the law enforcement variety which is laugh out loud funny to me. Also I think she looks great and wanted to give her a shoutout because everything she wore in Emily in Paris made me literally want to puke in my hands so it’s good to see she can wear normal things.
I’m assuming this jabrones is Italian and if he’s not, I wholeheartedly support the Euro-chic effort here. This is what you would see a gent wearing on a regular day in Florence and it makes me happy. Pastel pink pants, royal blue loafs and a velvet blazer. Pretty much has no place at a black tie event but I like to keep everyone on their toes and toss in one ‘committing to the bit’ accolade. Ciao,ciaociaoCIAOOOOO.
Bold red lip and a pants moment, YES PLZZZZZ.
Sally won a lifetime achievement award, presented by Andrew Garfield which could not have been more random and cringey but she’s werkin this lace gown and looks fab.
You don’t see a lot of pastel purple on red carpets these days and I really enjoy this change of pace. The black contrast is fun and makes it a scooch more edgy.
I have a raging girl crush boner for Meghann ever since she played my favorite character Sutton on The Bold Type and therefore she can do no wrong. She looks like a Grecian goddess.
SHELL YEAH. It’s giving Ariel goes to a black tie event and naturally I’m obsessed.
Metallic and sultry and I’m running out of things to say because so many people looked lovely this evening or maybe I’m just taking a night off from being a judgy lil betch but either way, good job Ana.
I’m torn on this one and I decided to be nice. (Seriously, what’s going on with me?! Am I alright?) I think her hair looks amazing and the color is very complementary to her skin-tone, but the tail’s gotta go. It’s like wearing a table runner tacked to the back of your dress. Has absolutely no business trailing after a sixties party frock like this. But the pony and the perfectly winged liner? OoOohhh YEAH.
I’m about to directly contradict what I said about Andrew Garfield but it wouldn’t be a red carpet blog if I didn’t declare something as Bible and then walk it back just because I liked another celeb better. But it’s JOHN KRASINSKI. Or Kraz, as Will Arnett calls him in his deep raspy commercial voice. Pinstripes and a pocket chain? Kinda rough. But it’s Kraz. He’s such a babe soda. Shh, just let it happen.
Her lipstick matches her dress perfectly and you know I have a weak spot for that. All around looking elegant.
Fun, young and edgy. If my old eyes aren’t betraying me those look like shorts underneath the skirt and nobody ships a skort like me. Functional and you never have to worry about your bits being covered when you’ve got shorts underneath, which is why I still wear bike shorts under all my dresses in the summer. BEND OVER FREELY WITH SPANKY PANTS!
There’s two neon moments that made my best dressed (and one that didn’t, you know what you did, Angela.) Bright colors bring me joy and this is a funky highlighter princess gown.
Austin took a lot of heat for trying to talk like Elvis forever but he can talk in any accent he’d like lookin like maroon sex on a stick.
There’s lots of things that are working here: the long sleeves, the wavy neckline and the matching neon clutch. Also no outfit is complete without a statement hoop. Top contender for best dressed.
Really love this sparkly blush number on Sheryl.
The straight spiky bun is giving me hard flashbacks to me trying to replicate that out of a Seventeen magazine with chopsticks stuck through it. Spoiler alert: my hair type will never be perfect bun with sticks and for that I am sad. Bunz aside, I’m all about this chunky pearl of a dress.
BEST LOOK OF THE NIGHT
No stranger to a best dressed list, Zendaya usually pulls out all of the stops and often has many quick changes throughout the night so she can shove her impeccable sense of fashion down our little peasant throats. A moment of silence for a gown that is covered in intricate satin roses. She looks stunning and she knows it.
I don’t know what the hell has been going on with Hollywood and awards shows still but we’re going on year 2 of no awards season and what a dry spell it has been for Salty Ju red carpet blogs. Yeah, yeah, I know we’re still in a panny but I also know for a fact that Hollywood is above Covid and always has been. The rules don’t apply to them because they’ve been vaccinated and sang Imagine and write poems for Putin to stop the invasion of the Ukraine. So why is it that we’re having the SAG’s in February, no Grammys at all and the Oscars in March? Winter is depressing enough as is and then you rip away my opportunity to drink and eat cheeses for dinner and judge your fashion choices? Get your shit together, boo boo’s.
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Andrew is giving off big-time 70’s dad vibes and I get that this is hawt for people these days because Harry Styles exists and girls slobber all over his lesbian in a fitted pant suit vibe and not to knock that but I’m simply here to say this cheesetastic look is not for me.
I expected something much more lavish and over the top from Ms Gucci herself. This dress looks fine on her but I’ve never been a fan of the fresh outta the shower wet hair style and white sparkly eye shadow is so 8th grade.
Nicole Kidman may be smiling and waving here but inside her brain she’s probably thinking about death and destruction which is bringing her joy because she is Wednesday Adams in this dress.
Speaking of evil, Selena decided to channel Maleficent minus the horns. Seriously look at her face and tell me it is not terrifyingly fierce. Also related but unrelated, puff sleeves need to be eradicated from this earth.
It’s the arts and crafts neckline and weird butt flap for me. Also is that a built-in open fanny pack in the front? Actually kind of genius for someone like me who misses my mouth 90% of the time while snacking. Could be a good crumb catcher.
This suit is fine…boring but fine. Ew times 1,000 to this haircut. Boy would clean UP if he got a decent snip and style. Did he stop at SuperCuts on his way to the carpet? If it feels like I’m being extra picky here, please remember that I haven’t had a red carpet to judge since NOVEMBER and my cup is overflowing with fashion snark. The more red carpets I have, the nicer I am and honestly celebrities should factor this into future awards show schedules if they know what’s good for them.
BLAAAHHHHHHHHH. Supes plain, supes unflattering and might I extend my puffy sleeve moratorium to all puff, everywhere? No one needs puff.
This dress looks like a cheap prom dress from Weathervane and then adding in lace polka dot gloves and gold platform stripper heels reaaaalllyyyy seals the deal.
I don’t know when Will Smith stopped being cool in my eyes but at some point it happened and now he just looks like he’s trying to be the Fresh Dad of Sherman Oaks by rolling up in a double breasted suit with blue tinted shades.
Hot damn, what is happening here?! Did one half of her dress get caught in the limo door and she was just like welp, the show must go on?! It’s like Wonderwoman covered by half of a tablecloth. Sex kitten but add a partial modesty drape.
WHAT YEAR ARE WE IN?! I mean honestly, I took a nap to Sweet Home Alabama yesterday, which essentially means I slept with it on in the background and dreamed about finding the kind of babe soda who wants to marry me so he can smooch me anytime he wants (but I digress) and this dress could’ve been worn at the premiere for that movie in 2002 and I’d be like yup that checks out. I mean really, a pastel colored sash?! That has early 2000’s fashion all over it. And don’t even get me started on whatever pointy wave thing is happening up top on this lame black strapless shift dress. REESE. I know you’re plain Jane but you can do better than this, babe.
Oh cool a sparkly garbage bag! Hefty chic, bb! I think that tie artfully draped across your arms is actually to close the top of the bag so your trash doesn’t spill out.
Honestly if I’m being self-aware I might need a time-out after this blog because I truly put Billy on the worst dressed solely because he’s smirking and I grew to hate his character in The Morning Show over the course of this past season (which should have been nominated for 0.0 awards.) Was it fair of me to say someone was dressed poorly just because the character they played was kinda douchey and his smile looks a little snarky? No absolutely not but it’s my blog not yours so HA. Look at that smug ass face. GET LAWST, BILLY.
I love a daring fashion moment for the men but this sea of polka dots is making me want to ralph up the three pieces of chocolate I just snuffled down.
Appreciate the enthusiasm but it looks like a bush is growing out of her lady garden.
Under no circumstances do you need to layer a long sleeve shirt underneath your couture gown. You’re on a red carpet in California, not skiing with your friends and putting hand warmers in your pocket. Get the hell out of my face with this thermal layering. RUINED the dress.
The dress looks like a cotton number from Old Navy so I definitely don’t want to know what the designer is hawking this for but most importantly, let’s talk hair chunks. My sister and I were out and about this weekend and apparently I wasn’t paying attention as close as I should’ve been and I missed a prime creature of the wild with this chunks in the face hairstyle. Fear not though, my sister was happy to recreate it for me for some late-night giggles.
Who knew she was actually red carpet ready. What’re we doing here, folks?! The most ANNOYING thing is having hair in your face and we’re doing it on purpose now? Just leaving chunks down willy nilly and letting it tickle our eyes and block our vision? FOR WHAT? If you’re ok with hair dangling in your face just because it’s “trendy” now, you are a serial killer.
We don’t talk about this outfit because it’s making Lin look like a real geekburger, which we all know he is not. I don’t know if it’s the boxy fit or the short kinda baggy pants, the contrasting colors or how he’s posing but it’s a no for me, dawg.
Ah yes, the ever classic twat twist. Why is THAT where they decided to tie the knot in the dress?! Honestly I’m uncomfy even looking at this photo because this dress is essentially lingerie and Vanessa is really werkin those curves. This photo made me blush. Don’t feel like the SAG awards is the event for this type of hoochie coochie.
This is downright terrifying. I think the red latex and fur were already a little alarming and then she posed claws out with that fierce look. Whatchu plannin to do with those red daggers, homeslice? Are they red because of the blood you’ve drawn already? Don’t answer that.
I’m speechless at this rhinestone rack. It’s no secret that I’m a real prude when it comes to red carpet fashion and ya know what, some things are just better left to the imagination. I don’t need to know the circumference of your nips based on the bedazzling that covers them.
This looks like she got dressed in the dark and pulled her sports bra on over her dress. And yet, this design was made on PURPOSE! How funny is fashion. When I was a teenager and had to go to church every Sunday, I chose the 7:30 AM mass because it had no music so it was a real nice drive thru of QT with G-O-D. Thirty minutes quick and dirty. I rolled out of bed, changed into dress pants, left my pajama top on, put a bra over it and then zipped up a coat and never took my coat off in church. Upon my return, I shed the coat, unsnapped the bra, changed my pants and was back tucked into my bed in record time. Why do I tell this story? Really no reason other than to point out that my dirtbag move every Sunday would’ve passed the Fashion Police test, clearly.
LeeeaaaVeeeeee someeee Thingzzzz to the ImAgInAtiONnNnnn. I guess Alexandra was going for the “either and” approach to top and bottom slits. (Start at 2:23 in the below clip if you want a visual on what that means.)
Bead tassels! It looks like it’s raining on her crop top separates! Big ole hoops! How fun and so totally classy! I bet it sounds like a rainstick when she teeters around in those teeny tiny heels.
Remember in Selena when her dad shits a brick because she’s wearing a bedazzled bra onstage? I’m the dad of Selenasssssssss. This is a brassiere. Also is her hair superglued to the middle of her forehead? LMK.
Obviously I’ve got real time beef with anyone who showed up dressed like a showgirl because FUR heels is reaallllyyyyy pushing it. I get that the SAG Awards are on TNT/TBS and they used to air them on a Saturday night so pretty much no one cares. BUT also, the SAG’s are about the CRAFT of acting. It’s for all the Hollywood nerdbombers to geek out about how hard acting is and how talented they all are. It’s snot city. So for theses ladies to roll through in outfits from Frederick’s of Hollywood it’s like spitting in the face of the craft. Take yourself WAY too seriously or kick rocks at the SAG’s. Show up in these getups for the Globes and that’s obvious.
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Don’t see a lot of pale pink lately and I’m liking the color and the fit of the dress that I’m willing to overlook the GIANT flower accents.
If I say Maggie looks nice here does that mean she’ll give Taylor Swift her scarf back and stop playing dumb about her brother being the villain of All Too Well? If not, I take it back. I’ll move her to the worst dressed REAL QUICK.
This is how you crush an “either or” situation. Covered up on the bottom, giving a little peek at the goods on top. Classy all around because it’s a pantsuit. Love the sparkle and respect the fact that she knows how to pull off a pocket pose. Cause I got ONE HAND IN MY POCKET and the other one is waving hi to all the haters.
No clue who this is but my kneejerk reaction to this look was that it was fun and she was sassin out hoard with that pose.
Always a thousand times yes to a charcoal fitted suit on this hunk of man meat.
As someone who will change the scrunchie on her wrist every time she changes shirts so they coordinate as closely as possible, I very much approve of the patterned hair scarf that syncs up with the pattern on her dress.
This is the kind of jacket I’d expect to see at the CMA’s but I love it and he looks spiffy.
This is a silky animal print combo and yet it doesn’t look like what she wears to bed–see it CAN be done! Faith looks amazing and she knows it.
Faith way outranked Tim here but you always need a reacher and a settler in a relationship so it’s fine. He doesn’t look BAD, he’s just obviously outkicking his coverage.
Badass to wear a fishtail braid on a red carpet. I keep saying red carpet but obviously this carpet is like a grey/silver. Let’s overlook this for the sake of my entire blog. Juno is a perfect gold goddess.
All in for the tie shoulders and the fit of this dress on Sandra even though it gives off some tin foil gum wrapper vibes, I think she’s rocking it.
I mean it’s Bradley Cooper. He’s always going to wear a plain black tux and look like a handsome devil. Very few fall into this category and I know it’s lazy journalism (lol couldn’t type that with a straight face) to classify the Hollywood OG babes like Bradley, Leo and George as best dressed just because of who they are but it’s not like they look like walking dumpsters, they’re just boring classic guys.
Michael Keaton’s looking debonair! Almost enough to make up for his incessant need to ramble every time he’s onstage. ALMOST.
This is the mood we were looking for from Lady Gaga, squad. I wanted an outrageously cocky fashion moment. If you’re gonna star in a movie about a fashion designer/mafia hitman situation, I want you to bring the full drama to the carpet. This is it right here. Shades, velvet bow, the jacket draped on his shoulders. Is that a scrunchie I see on his wrist?! The drama. The intrigue.
Ooh baby, Tyler looks suave as hell. This might be my new favorite suit color. A nice solid green.
Kirsten looks like a spicy tamale in this number and I love this journey for her.
The silhouette of this dress is stunning and obviously I’m a sucker for the colors.
I mean I don’t think Helen Mirren could get any classier if she tried. She looks like she’s going for tea and crumpets at the palace with the Queen right down to her matching mask and clutch. She’s a woman after my own heart with the amount of coordinating she did with her accessories.
I know I previously said stop it with the puffs and I did mean that but also Jean does look good in this dress. She’d look even better without the court jester neck ruffle but it’s not a dealbreaker.
From the clouds, Paul Reiser with a jazzy jacket! Who woulda thunk. Looks sharp AF.
I love Kieran’s sideways pose here. He looks good and he knows it.
Talk about Corporate Bros and CE-Hoes’ party! Just kidding. Sorta. She’s really giving off sultry vibes in boardroom chic and another killer pocket pose. I’m here for it!
Little too much cleavington for me but I can’t drool over a bunch of pantsuits being classy and kewl and then toss Mira on the worst dressed list just because she wanted to pop them disco boobs out for a night on the town. She’s still got it. Her and Lisa proved that no one ages in Hollywood thanks to plastic surgery and made a little Romy and Michele color callback:
They look like a million bucks, as the inventors of Post-its should.
Cousin Greg is such a tall drink of water and he sure cleans up nice.
I love this little cotton candy bunny and I’m going to scream it from the rooftops because I don’t care who knows it.
A maroon smoking jacket will get me every time.
I’ve got a real summer boner for these two back to back pops of color. Although I will say that as great as this dress looks, when she won an award she almost fell out of her chair and dragged it up onstage with her because of that puffy butt situation. Sometimes it pays to keep it simple so you can gracefully glide onstage and accept your award without looking like a bull in a china shop.
Look at her having a dramatic flip my swishy dress for the paps moment. Supes jelly. I wore a tutu on the beach to pop champagne for paying off my student loans and it would’ve been an ideal moment for a swishy blowing in the breeze carefree pic but the wind was blowing in the wrong direction so my hair was in my face and also I was taking my own photos so MUST BE NICE to have cameras snapping away at you looking like a princess.
I got a serious case of the giggles as I rolled through 134 red carpet photos and THIS was one of them. I mean, was Chef there to cater the event or was he attending as a nominee/presenter? I’m unclear on what his purpose was there but what I AM clear on is that he showed up ready to sauté some mushrooms should he be called upon to do so. I like the readiness here. Clogs, apron and you know what? maybe toss a hairnet over that Sonic head of yours, Chef, I don’t love a hairy meal. Also where is your spatula?
Was a REAL close call whether this would be the best look of the night because yellows and golds always crush on a red carpet. Love this color on her and the accents of purple complement it perfectly.
This is so dorky grandpa and I happen to love it. His trendy frames matching his bowtie is chef’s kiss.
Marlee is lookin like a straight dime piece and also happened to clean up awards and make a big statement how it’s deaf actors time to shine finally. She had herself a top night and was certainly dressed for it.
BEST LOOK OF THE NIGHT:
Now this is a damn statement. Neon and perfectly fitted princess gown, subtle jewels to let the extravagant dress do the talking, pink lips and soft curls. GET IT, QUEEN.
The SAG Awards is where Hollywood focuses on their *craft* of acting and boy is it so douchey every year…and yet still more tolerable than the Oscars. Since the actors were talking about themselves and their acting peers and how hard acting is, it meant they took a break from talking about politics and solving climate change by taking the PJ less. And I think I speak for everyone when I say that was a welcome change. Here’s what these fools were wearing…
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Can we call this a dress or is it just simply floral undies?
GAWD JLO. I GET THAT YOU WEREN’T NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR BUT THIS IS NOT HOW YOU REBEL. I went on a triggered rant about pieces of hair dangling in the face for the Globes red carpet and I GUESS SOME OF US DIDN’T READ THAT. If I’m going to read your weekly texts about your TikTok account, Jen, you can read my blog about how leaving chunks of your hair in your face is a trend that should NEVER EVER make a comeback.
I have been more than generous to Nicole this awards season and that generosity stops today. The ruffles are always going to be a no for me, dawg.
This is a table skirt.
Renee pulled this same shit at the Globes, so feel free to see my rant about it HERE.
I’m having a hard time understanding why the white gloves. Why is that the move here?
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO one sleeve
H8 to do this to 1/3 of the J Sisters (gag my face off) but this dress is tacky as all hell.
You could smuggle an ENTIRE HUMAN UNDERNEATH THIS MONSTROSITY.
Props to Patty for putting her knockers away but no thanks to this outfit. Those are some HOARD flares.
AHHH MY EYES, MARGOT! WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS! From the piecey hair (seriously ladies, why are we trying to bring this back?!) to the layered gaudy jewels over PLAID and cupcake tiers. Ugh barf all over me head to toe.
Honestly the carpet did her dirty here. I don’t think she was really planning on standing in front of a busy silver tiled wall and obviously the mixture of that with his pattern on her dress is making me want to claw my eyeballs out. At the same time, I feel like this wouldn’t have photographed well anyway. Too much, gurl.
Speaking of too much, this BOW. Does no one learn from other’s mistakes?! JLo pulled the bow at the globes and I spit right on it and how stupid it looks. You are not a giant present. The only time wrapping yourself in a bow is acceptable is if you’re completely nude and you’re giving your hod bod as a present to your significant other (sex stuff, guys) otherwise DO NOT WEAR A GIANT BOW ANYWHERE.
The top of this dress can only be properly described as a lampshade.
Oh my gawwwww enough with the tiered ruffles, already.
Hot priest or not (suh glad I finally banged out Fleabag so I can feel part of the joke for the remainder of awards season) this is a bad retro prom tux.
What a curveball for this actress but also nope. Suuuuupez trashy. I know it’s not the Oscars and these awards air on TNT but clean it up.
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Does she age? The answer is an obvious no.
It’s the year of Dern.
Thank God there were no hair/makeup snafus this time around for Hollywood’s golden couple.
Sun never sets on Sterling K Brown because the sun never sets on cool.
This dress looks like it was LITERALLY painted on her.
The DRAMA.
Damn gurl.
Surprised Reese didn’t wear an Ivy Park original track suit but this is pretty edgy for her and I love it.
Not a ton of color on the *silver* carpet so I welcome this bright blue.
Damn Charlize is really coming at me this awards season! A silver crop top is not what I expected because I spend 90% of my breath trashing the youths and their crop tops but look at Char doin the damn thing! I take back my glitter crop hate.
A silver gown for the silver carpet. Now where’s her silver fox?
Close to winning my favorite look of the night for being colorful and also different.
Flattering and elegant
A golden shimmer in the eve.
I feel like men were really under-represented on the ole silver carpet so here’s a little floral spice from Dan.
Maybe it’s because I just had the flu for a week and inadvertently lost 5 lbs as I withered away on the couch but I guess I’m like really having a moment with crops and hoping to one day have the mid section to rock one (maybe if I get the flu like five more times) Pheebz did shout out her makeup artist for painting a six pack on her and it does look suspiciously like a bronzed mid section so maybe it is aspirational abs.
JEN WORE WHITE! Honestly Jen walks out of her house and everyone salivates at everything she does–She wore white instead of a plain black gown, she looks like a rocket (as always), her and Brad have been goofin on the carpet during awards season which has EVERYONE shipping a reunion (he CHEATED on her guys, WE DON’T WANT THEM TO GET BACK TOGETHER) and also true to history, she’s free boobin. After an in depth convo with my bestie about Jen’s nips, I revealed that I’m not really into perky nipz busting through a formal gown, but at the same time, it’s America’s sweetheart Jen Aniston and she’s been doing it since the 90’s. She reserves the right to punch us all in the face with her nipples because she basically invented the trend.
FAVE LOOK OF THE NIGHT:
Holy bananas she looks amazing. This is normally an outfit Meryl Streep or someone of the older gen would roll through wearing and I love seeing it on a Hollywood youth. A white power move if you will. Not to be confused with white power, which is very, very racist.
The SAG Awards were so boring that I changed the channel to Total Bellas. Sorry not sorry for wanting to see Nikki Bella handle a breakup with Ferraris, cigars and keg stands. It was worth the watch. Those Bella Twins should be up for a SAG next year for their top notch content on E!
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Peplum should’ve died the year that it made its debut.
Is this a dress made entirely of origami? LMK.
Insert shouting emoji and clap hands WHITE MEN CANNOT WEAR WHITE TUXES WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE SERIAL KILLERS.
Why is there a belt just dropped in the middle of her midsection?
Tonight’s curtain edition.
Well this is tough to do. Because John looks like a dime piece. But Emily looks like a vagina. And they posed together so it’s only one pic. Which means Emily’s labia dress just dragged John down to the worst dressed list with her.
I am so confused.
This could be my jealousy shining through as I’ve been hitting the gym recently and I will never ever be this skinny if I worked out 24 hours a day but this look just wasn’t doing it for me.
The host should really bring her A game and glitter applique isn’t cutting it.
I love me some Michael B. but I cannot get down with the harness trend. It’s so stinkin weird.
WHAT is happening here.
Oh God this is bad. From the top bun to the chunky stripper glitter heels. Wooftastic.
Girl crush coming to a screeching halt for a lot of reasons but also what fresh hell is this?
This color is great but no one will ever look good in a three tier cake dress.
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Lotta love for the men tonight coming through with some fresh suits.
Curveball, I can be hip and get down with leathers.
Throwing CZJ a bone for those stems.
I’m so into jumpsuits right now and Emma looks fab.
A Star is Born Gaga is killlllin it.
WHoaOAaa spicy.
All black and looking hella elegant.
Can always count on Mandy to look amahzing.
I love anyone who rolls on the red carpet with shades on. The sun NEVER sets on cool.
FAVE LOOK OF THE NIGHT
I love everything about this and I’m not afraid to admit it.
HEY! We’re back on that usual red carpet grind of multi-colored dresses just in time for the Oscars! Phew. I couldn’t do another red carpet of all black errething regardless of the statement being made. I think the welcoming of color made me a lot more generous with my best dressed tonight. Also props to the nuggets of Hollywood for swaggin out hardcore, forcing me to acknowledge a whole lotta children’s fashion.
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What fresh hell is this, Molly Sims? Are you an 80’s bridesmaid?
WOOF. What is happening here?
This really doesn’t look bad but I have a bone to pick with velvet from a personal standpoint. Saarryyyy.
This is fun because it’s like little house on the prairie but with nipple sheer cutouts. Hmmm…
Niecey with those tits out for the boys AND salsa sleeves. Lot happenin up top.
I don’t love these multi-directional stripes.
Alison Williams going for the flapper who hasn’t washed her hair in a week lewk.
I’ll say it once again for the people in the back, CUTOUTS MAKE YOU LOOK FAT, LADIES–EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE ACTUALLY VERY SKINNY.
I watched an episode of Say Yes to the Dress yesterday that had a particularly over the top crystal wedding gown and this bedazzle on top of her dress is giving me traumatic flashbacks.
This resembles a curtain too much to me.
Even though this dress is pink and sparkly, that damn tassel ribbon in the middle is giving off some hardcore altar boy uniform vibes.
I just don’t understand what these lady fingers dazzling across her torso and bosom are supposed to be.
I’m going against my girl Connie because I’ve seen her look a zillion times better. This isn’t the right dress for her.
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This is a pretty daring V but because Laura’s boobs aren’t poking me in the eyeball, it works nicely.
Don’t get to see a lot of hunter green in the mix and I ‘preash it.
DAWWWWWWWWW.
You KNOW I’m being generous when I’m tossing Nicole on the best dressed. But seriously girl looks good AND she has the flu. So like no excuses for any other red carpet appearance she’s had.
I looooove this shade of blue on Manders.
Dunno who this is but I want to tuck myself into this skirt and take a nice snoozer.
Leslie Bibb looks like a babe soda also she’s significantly taller than Sam and snaps for her because I have a real complex with towering over my man.
If I were ever allowed near a red carpet you bet your ass I’d wear chucks with my dress.
Liking this dress caught me off guard because it’s the actual same color as her skin. And yet she still looks beautiful and not like she’s wearing a skinsuit.
Could probably do without the fur lap band but still pretty.
I wish her hair was down but otherwise the dress looks good. No parrot this time!
THIS IS FUN!
Always love a good crisp white dress.
What a stud with the loafer-hunter green combo deal.
Ya boy Miguel from This is Us from left field!
Of course Sterling is rocking stunna shades.
Mini Kev and Mini Randall from This is Us both poppin in prints!
Pretty much the most entertaining thing about this awards show is that you can call them the SAG’s and everyone gives you a weird look and maybe a giggle when you do. Otherwise it’s just another snooze-aroni in secondhand awards shows. I mean, the SAG AFTRA president currently is Andrea Zuckerman. Yikes.
Because these awards are basura, the stars dressed as such. It was a real stretch to pull together a best dressed list. But I did it anyway, because I am a true American hero. I also accidentally got solo drunk during the show–and wrote this blog afterwards. You’re welcome, everyone.
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Two thumbs down for the skin-toned craft corner beaded dress.
Oh, ok yes. Parrots and sequins. So hot right now.
I’m legitimately perplexed by this dress. Is the ripped part just hanging off of her body? I wish she just wore the underlayer.
Actual eyesore.
I’m beginning to wonder if everyone forgot about the SAG’s (insert immature giggle) and stopped by the thrift store on the way to the red carpet.
This is a pillow case with puffy sleeves, essentially.
Nothing accents burgundy quite like wispy cotton candy hair, is what I always like to say.
Kimmy K’s number one stan as always looking age approps.
No clue who this is but there are no words.
I’m astonished that whiny B Kit, formerly of the Rockford Peaches, is still holding court in Hollywood, but here she is gracing my worst dressed list and winning awards and shit.
Welp that’s it. I can’t stand behind Soph on this one. She matched her eyeshadow to her FUSCHIA dress. Woof city, population: Sophia Bush. Add in the gelled front pieces she has dangling in her face and we’ve got a full-on 90’s prom look.
Couldn’t have completed this look without the matching whimsical necklace.
This is normal.
It’s not necessary to twinsicle it up with your hubs, Chrissy.
Casj hip floral arrangement.
We get it, ERW, you’re making a suit statement for all red carpets this season.
Pig.Tail.Bunz.
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I think this is the most covered I’ve seen Taraji. Suh elegant with a side of full boobs on display.
Hair isn’t gr8 but this dress is alright. (We’re reaching here, folks.)
This looks comfy.
Having hummingbirds embroidered on your dress is pretty odd, but Gina’s rack looks top notch! Three cheers!
The girls are out to plaaaaayyyy.
This is one of my favorite for Sofia. She always wears the same dress to every show and this is a welcome change
Julie Bowen coming in hawt with the risque!
I’m mostly surprised that a YouTube star was on the red carpet best dressed but also she actually looks really good.
This dress is nice.
I hadn’t seen Krasinski on a red carpet in so long I literally drooled at the sight of him.
THIS IS FUN!
It’s weird that Jonah went from frat bro at the Golden Globes to dapper Dan at the SAG’s but I approve.
Rock that off the shoulder trend, grrrrrrl! (It’s possible that my drinking game “drink every time politics is mentioned” has truly kicked in at this point.)
I’ve spent far too long trying to figure out what this jewelry sitch is.
Purple camo yaaasssss Busy!
Jazzy suit for the win.
This dress is fab, but due to the asymmetrical neckline it looks like her right boob is 1000x bigger than her left. Demz da breaks.
Cla$$ Act. (I know it’s not nice to say and this isn’t even a little bit a comment on her weight because obviously she’s skinny as possible but black and white layered like this will always remind me of Willy and I can’t help it. #KillerWhaleBesties4Lyfe)
Fave look of the night:
Being engaged to Landry is werking in her favor. By miles, this was the best look of the night. Subtle and classy.
I’d like to personally thank the SAGs for being on a Saturday night and thus giving me the perfect pre-going out drinking game. Good lookin out, Hollywood. Also personal thanks to Brad Goreski of E!’s red carpet for chatting it up with a celeb for a bit and then going “so I’m done speaking with you” to get her outta there. Smooth.
WORST:
Hey Susan, you’re 100. Put your SAGgy T’s away.
CHRISTMAS TINSEL.
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TO KIT FROM A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN.
WUF. Keith, your boy band chunky highlights. Nicole, your sparkly clown dress. Pull it together, guys.
I wanna be on Team Brie but this dress sucks. The rips and cords holding it together is dumb.
Oh, look, a piñata!
“She looks fine.”-my friend Lindsey
I’m pretty sure Gabrielle wore this same number to Beverly Hills High’s Senior Prom.
Serenity by Jan coming in hot with a hideous Leopard number, a sassy pose, and a mom hair flip.
Keep doing you, G. And by you, I mean making everyone on the red carpet uncomfy, obv.
Not my fave turtleneck dress.
I was fine with this until my friend pointed out the tiered design, SO I GUESS WE’RE BEING PICKY.
I don’t love the low cut cleave shot without the cleave.
Worst dressed sisters!
JULIANNE!!! WHO TOLD YOU TO WEAR THIS?! You always look like a dime.
MY EYES.
Is this one of the new Barbies?
She landed on this list because that face. Sry n0t Sarry.
Naht flattering.
BEST:
TOP. DOG. the GOAT.
All hail the bun.
Rumor is this might be a two piece. Either way, love it hard.
She actually has a pony, and it looked gr8. Love the onesie action too.
Queenie looking like a skinny mini!!!
So glad to have Tina Fey back and looking like a red ballerina.
This chick is a precious flower until she opens her mouth and that accent takes over.
What a fab party dress!
Sarah looks like a babe…even with glasses and a ‘stache.
Love the beads, love the color, love the style. WiN.
I actually like the dark hair on Amy and her knockers look top notch.
Can never hate on purple. This top half is different and kewl.
Diggin on dat blue.
Eva is a forever smoke.
Boom. Plaid suit.
WERK THOSE SLIPPERS, GRL. RESPECT.
Even though she has mom hair her “Angelina Jo-Leg” is on fleek.
This is my damn color. (I’m starting to get wine buzzed. I will not apologize for my captions.)
This is the best Ariel has ever looked on a red carpet. Her boobs are a normal size and this black dress is perf.
What a baller. Shot caller.
Beautiful red dress, snappy tux.
MY FAVORITE LOOK OF THE NIGHT:
Different color, unique pattern & supes flattering.
1. Nominations for everyone but Omarion singing about buhholes.
It was nomination week apparently as the noms for Grammy’s, Golden Globes and SAGS were all announced. What’s to be noted about the Grammy’s? Omarion went on a Twitter rant about how this song:
A song with the lyric “But he’s gotta eat the booty like groceries” got snubbed by the most prestigious of musical awards. Who would’ve guessed. (PS I wish Omarion was still singing bump bump bump with the rest of b2k. That was fire flames beats.)
Obviously Tay dominated the noms, see full list here!
Golden Globes & SAG‘s (Click for full lists) didn’t peak my interest as much probably because I’m uncultured and watch trash TV and hence don’t know a lot of the shows/movies nominated. Props to Amy Schumer for sneaking Trainwreck into the mix though.
My heart was aflutter when I saw these pictures. I love Blake Lively. I love Taylor Swift. And now that they’ve found each other I couldn’t be more obsessed with their union. Everyone else in the ever growing T Swift squad can kick rocks compared to Blake. THEY TOOK A SELFIE WITH A ROO. Hey guys, I cradled a baby roo…can I come too?
PS As if Blake Lively could get ANY cooler, she posted this gem today:
Dirty Dancing will be the next live musical act and they’ve cast their baby and I am horrified. After watching this season of Scream Queens and questioning EVERY DAMN WEEK why the worst actress and character in all the land, Chanel #5 narrowly escaped murder, the LAST thing I needed to hear is that she’s snagged a beloved lead role. This time around, I hope they put Baby in the corner and throw a blanket over her for the whole show cause YIKES.
4. The Sims are still a thing?
Carly Rae Jepsen released a song in Simlish. AKA the gibberish that the Sims speak. I’m downright shocked that this is still a game. It was kewl when I was like 11 and playing computer games where you could make the characters have sex was scandal for days. But kids now have like apps for porn and shit…I don’t really see the intrigue with building humans to say and do dirty stuff anymore. Also remember when One Tree Hill tried to make Sims relevant again by having Jamie create a virtual Dan and Uncle Keith “to be friends in cartoon Tree Hill.” Laughs on laughs.
5. Ryan Gosling 4ever.
RyRy hosted SNL last weekend and didn’t disappoint for his first time around. I very rarely watch the whole episode and I did this time and laughed at almost every skit. A lot of times because Ryan caught a case of the giggles, which was adorable but also because the skits were solid too. This was obviously the best for Ryan’s giggles but performance-wise I think we know who dominated here.
Bonus:
What an AGGRESSIVE post breakup move by Ben Affleck here. It’s one thing to have a tat here and there on your bulging muscles. It’s a whole other ball game to turn your entire back into a colorful Phoenix like you’re Harry from 1D.
The Salty Ju 