Pop Culture

Cringeworthy 90’s Boy Band Posters

Remember when you couldn’t wait to get the latest issue of J-14 or Teen Beat or Pop Star so that you could take the staples out and cover your walls with fashionably dressed teen pop hunk? If you’re wondering how ridiculous that seems today, look no further than this collection of weird boy band photoshoots that were once suuuuper attractive to teen girls and now it’s suuuuper embarrassing that I could ever scotch tape a picture of 5 guys dressed in overalls on my wall. I have graciously broken each example down by theme.

Trends come and go, but puppies are FURRRR-ever.

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We sing and do choreographed dance moves, but WE LIKE SPORTS TOO.

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Don’t judge us because we like the way silk feels…

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“One is silver and the other’s gold.”

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Mah dressed us.

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Whoutfits make us seem laid back and super casj.

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Peekaboo, we wear briefs!

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Denim isn’t cool unless it’s coordinated with your bros.

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We Woke Up Like This

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The THAT’S SO 90’s group hang

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Just in case you forget who we are…Check my bodysuit OR my visor.

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The smart outerwear look

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Only the finest of linens

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We have better jewelry than you (apparently Dreamstreet’s only styling tip)

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We do Xtreme stuff! SO HARDCORE.

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The “Happy Holidays, Grrrlll”

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WTF. No seriously. What could possibly be occurring here?

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And finally…the CLASSIC shirtless hunks with less desired members artfully placed/covered so as not to distract from the real man meat of the group:

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JT & Nick Lachey, front and center where they belong ❤

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 6/8/15

1. You get a reality show, you get a reality show, YOU ALL GET REALITY SHOWS. Apparently this was the week of oh, you’d like to be relevant again? Here’s your own show. Nick Lachey and Drew Lachey will have a show called “Raising the Bar” about the two of them opening a bar in Ohio. More famous bro helping out less famous bro open business… Wahlburgers knock-off, anyone?

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Ja Rule is going against my strongly worded advice to start popping out more bangers with Ashanti and instead doing a show about his family on MTV. Snooze. No one wants to see you be a dad, Ja…everyone wants to hear about you doing dirty things to Ashanti in a classic rap song.

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And finally Rev Run and Tyrese will be starting up a talk show based off of their love/relationship advice book Manology. I’m not proud of the fact that I read most of Manology. PS I spent about 40 minutes at work trying to find a tweet from 3 years ago with a RIDICULOUS Tyrese quote from this book and failed miserably…So instead I’ll leave you with this gem of a quote from the book: “A real woman is a freak in bed. A chef in the kitchen. A therapist during hard times & a coach when you’re off your game.” Oh, ok that’s all we need to be? Easy peasy.

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2. The Kristen Wiig/Will Ferrell Lifetime movie is happening. And you bet your bottom dollar I’ll be watching. This teaser is RIVETING.

3. TV reunions GALORE at ATX. This is a festival in Austin, TX that is known for rallying TV casts and hitting up everyone’s nostalgia. This past weekend had a Gilmore Girls reunion/panel, a mini reunion of some of the Friday Night Lights cast and a table reading of a Dawson’s Creek episode (not read by the original stars..which is weird…gimme more Pacey). Anyway my little TV obsessed heart near exploded at all of the goods. Here’s some pics. Gilmore Girls is really doing the circuit so I wouldn’t be surprised at the announcement of some type of reunion in the works…it also needs to be said that Luke is WOOOF now. So disappointing. There was much debate about Team Dean, Team Jess or Team Logan (FTR, I’m team everyone BUT Dean. What a wiener.) And Hep Alien did a little show as well.

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Stars of FNL who played Mindy & Billy Riggins and Tyra Colette got drunk and joked about a reunion and everyone took it too seriously. Texas Forever.

4. Holly Madison airs Playboy Mansion secrets. Holly is releasing another book and basically shitting all over the Playboy mansion. Ever since the Girls Next Door reality show I’ve NEEDED to know about how 3 girls under 30 think it’s aok to share a 90 year old man. Holly described the nightly routine of getting ready for bed and then each getting a turn with Hef where it was over as quickly as it had begun and it soookeedd. (As one would imagine sex with a grandpa would) She also hated her life and couldn’t wait to be released from the Heffinator’s clutches as #1 GF. Yiiiikkezzzz. This is barely news, but I found it interesting nonetheless. Does Hef still have sex slaves, I mean girlfriends? Is Hef still alive?

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5. Relationship Goals. Life Goals.

Sorry this week was lame for news. Hope this makes it better. If it doesn’t, we shouldn’t be friends.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

1. Andi Dorfman and Josh Murray hit up Splitsville-Population: 90% of Bachelor(ette) contestants. The pair have “mutually ended their engagement” and everything is peaceful as can be for a breakup that will be dissected by Chris Harrison for years to come. I think we all saw this coming ever since jelly belly Nick blurted on national TV that him and Andi banged one out in the fantasy suite. Fingers crossed that he comes crawling right out of the woodwork now that the split has hit the news. It seems as though Bachelor fans are really floored with this breakup because Andi and Josh were like REALLY in love…you know because they declared it via Insta and Twitter every few hours. Methinks that if you have to broadcast it so often and you also met on a reality television show maybe it wasn’t the real deal. Jus Sayin. Bet Andi is really kicking herself that she also lost out on Prince Farming and someone who gives free hugs now has the edge over her.

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2. Kept hush hush until this week, Blake Lively birthed the perfect human and if I had her number I’d text her “Pics or it didn’t happen” because seriously, we need to see this kid. No name or gender is revealed so obviously stay tuned for further information. Since this barely qualifies as news with no proof, Nick & Vanessa Lachey also had a baby this week and named her Brooklyn Elisabeth. Super cute, somewhat normal and they have my stamp of approval for name choice.

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3. Tha Biebs did Calvin Klein and they had to photoshop him a whole lot so he didn’t look like the pre-pubescent teen that he is. Stiff competition to release a Calvin ad RIGHT after Nick “droolworthy abs” Jonas did. Biebs clearly had to add in something or else it would’ve been lost in the shuffle of his delinquent news and platinum blonde locks. With or without his fake abs and happy trail I’m not in the least bit turned on by this ad. Nick Jonas for the win (and obviously vintage Marky Mark for the overall win.)

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ck

4. Jimmy Fallon’s Infamous Lip Sync Battle segment will be it’s own show debuting on Spike in April. I was getting all revved up about it until they announced the host is LL Cool J. WHY is LL Cool J EVER THE HOST OF ANYTHING?! He is the CHEESIEST guy alive. And he wears a Kangol unironically. Like Date Mike.

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5. This music video for Sia’s “Elastic Heart” came out and was getting a lot of buzz. Obviously people are a liiiiiitttle overly sensitive about the dancing that’s going on between Shia LaBeouf and like 11 year old dancer Maddie Ziegler. I think everyone’s concern should actually be that anyone hired Shia again after he had a baby meltdown recently and was attending press events with a paper bag over his head. Either way…watch the video and decide for yourselves. It’s obv real weird and artsy (I’m trying to make us all more cultured) but I dig the song and also all I could think the whole time was how I wish I were light enough to be flung around like little Maddie. Damn kids.

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