Tag Archives: Old Dominion

Playlist

Pub Nights

My favorite thing about music is that any given song can immediately transport you back to a specific time in your life. This playlist is a love letter to my golden years of partying it up in TogaTown. Even though I lived in Saratoga from ages 18-22, I was at college, so it was really just snippets during winter/summer break. The time period I’m memorializing through song here is ages 24-28 (2015-2019) when I was REALLY cookin’ on Caroline St.

Here’s a bzz’ed artsy shot of said street.

In the heyday my pals and I became regulars at Caroline St. Pub, hence the name ‘Pub Nights.’ It’s at this bar where we got probably too close to the staff, spent all of our money (my dad was splitting rent with me, so always a mature decision to spend money you don’t have at the local pub), and took way too many bombs to remember. A bomb was a Monster energy drink+flavored vodka shot and if you took too many you felt like you could lift a car above your head but also might burst into tears if someone looked at you weird. What a time to be alive.

Side bar: even if you weren’t a part of this particular era, I’m sure anyone who is reading can relate to the feeling of being in your twenties and grabbing life by the bombs. You’re still young and dumb, you’ve got a little bit of independence, and you’re either in an entry-level job that doesn’t really matter much or you’re working in restaurants (or both) where everyone hangs and bangs. It’s pure chaos but also pure bliss. You have no clue what’s coming next or when you’re going to get your shit together but it also doesn’t matter at all. And honestly, not for nothing, but my friend and I were just looking back on those times and wondering how the hell we afforded to go out as much as we did on garbage salaries. My first FT job paid me $12 an hour and I also worked as a hostess on the weekends for probably another $8-$10 an hour. I look at my financial sitch now and I’m baffled. I don’t know if it’s a combo of inflation and the fact that I never tried for a second to save money back then, but WTF? I make triple that now and if I go out for one night I am financially ruined. I blow my entire month’s “fun” budget on a few spressies and a couple Ubers. And then I remind myself that this is why I’ll never own a home.

Anyway, back to fonder memories of spending my peak legal drinking years in a town where the bars stay open until 4am and every summer the population quadruples for track season. Before you get the dance party started with this playlist, I’d like to toss out some honorable mentions to the places and people who made these years so spesh, if I may. First and foremost, Popcorn Brian. I could write an entire chapter of a book about this man (in fact I did) but I’ll try to briefly sum up the magic. Popcorn Brian was a man in his fifties who went out solo and preyed on young chicks. The first night I spotted him, he was elbows deep in popcorn at Gaffney’s and I immediately named him Popcorn Guy, which of course came to include his government name when he added himself into my phone on a night when I was the prey in 2013. We quickly settled into being “hi” friends and every night that I went out for 8 years, if I saw Popcorn Brian we said hello and usually he slipped me a compliment. (WAY better than slipping me a roofie.) If Popcorn Brian saw me and didn’t compliment my outfit, I would immediately want to go home and change because clearly I looked like a walking dumpster. He was the epitome of what Saratoga Nights were, especially in the summer. You never knew what you were gonna get, but you were probably going to get a story out of it.

Secondly, of course all of my gal pals who were down to clown and take our outfits way too seriously, or a theme, or singing front row with the bands, or commanding the dance floor. These years were so fun and ridiculous and I couldn’t have done it without you! That literally felt like I was signing a Saratoga drunk nights yearbook, but it’s all true. HAGS.

Pub Nights were for the girls.

Thirdly, I’ve already shouted out Caroline St. Pub, but while most people gravitate to the bartenders at a bar and want to become friends with them for free drinks, I’m the weirdo who wants to become friends with the bouncers instead. Never once got a free drink at Pub, but I did get to kick it with my homeslices Bob & George. I would literally leave my group of friends to stand against a wall and survey the crowd. Why? Because I have ALWAYS wanted to get paid to stand in a corner and people-watch with my naturally resting bitch face. But alas, I don’t have a penis, nor muscles, and therefore could never be a bouncer. I also would never be able to break up a fight. In fact, one could argue my face says my thoughts so loudly that it could actually start a fight. So thank you to my two fave bouncers for letting me moonlight/drunkenly have a running commentary on everyone in the bar. Hope your paychecks were thicc for putting up with me every Saturday night.

Fourthly, is fourthly even a word? Feels wrong, but whatevs. The live music in Togz! I give sincere individualized apologies in my song descriptions below because I for sure took being a fan a scooch too far, but I LIVED for a live band night, especially on a patio. Soul Session used to do Thursday nights in the summer at Gaffneys and you’d get all ages gathering to dance and sing. It was a whole vibe. Guess you had to be there.

Fifthly, have you given up on reading this blog because it hasn’t even started yet and it’s definitely too long already? Chowderfest. I really don’t need to say anything about this other than, pre-2019, there were no open container laws and we were livin’ LOARGE dumping hot creamy soups and alcohol down our throats outside all day in February. If you’re still in Saratoga and not bogged down by responsibilities (children) pls do me a favor and crack a cold one on Caroline this Chowderfest in my honor. (But like don’t be obvious cause you can get arrested now.) I would say take a shot off the Sperry’s ice luge but I imagine a hunk of ice that everyone puts their mouths on didn’t survive Covid…

Closer – The Chainsmokers ft. Halsey

We’re starting off with a bang because I can’t even begin to relay to you how INVINCIBLE I felt scream singing, “WE AIN’T EVER GETTING OLDER” with a bunch of other tipsy twenty-somethings in a crowded bar. So great that I also went on to name a Facebook album the very same thing. I’d still be posting 200 photo FB albums if I didn’t think I was going to get boo’ed off this planet. What a lost art it was to create a unique & entertaining caption for every terrible picture I posted. This generation’s “photo dump” girlies could never. But I digress…I don’t want to give The Chainsmokers all of the credit here because they turned out to be real big douchers who let this smash hit go right to their frat bruh heads, but this song is a *moment.* It perfectly captures what it’s like to be young and messy and make poor decisions. Halsey crushed as she always does and this was the time period when she started to release her own music, which I promptly became obsessed with as well. Also no hate to the roommate back in Boulder, but they made it sound cool as hell to be a mattress thief.

I’m A Mess – Bebe Rexha

Full discloszh, I heard this in Stop & Shop a couple months ago and this is the song that started my spiral back into creating this playlist. I was just browsing the shredded cheeses and almost teared up singing in my head “everything’s gonna be ok, that’s what my therapists say.” I had a visceral memory of singing this at my friend Kim’s apt, saying this was our new anthem because Bebe was crushing the self-love while also giving a shout out to her therapist. It was the message all of us insecure 20-somethings needed at that time. I sure believed Bebe that everything was gonna be alright. And guess what?! I’m no longer Venmo-requesting half of my rent from my parents and leaving the bar crying because my drunk boyfriend accused me of looking at the singer (who we were all looking at because he was performing) so it IS A GOOD, GOOD LIFE!

Bad Things – mgk ft. Camila Cabello

Listen, the girlies were going through a real bad girl moment in 2017. Taylor was in her Reputation Era and all the other pop hooches were like HEARD, we can do this. My friend Kelly introduced me to this song and for WHATEVER reason, I immediately correlate it with thigh high boots. For years I thought it was because Camila was wearing some in the music video and that’s what solidified that trend and me NEEDING to get a pair, but I just rewatched the video and homegrl ain’t wearing boots. So I guess it’s one of those moments my brain made up. For anyone who cares (no one) the-over-the-knee boot coincided with the bad grrl moment of 2017 and I dragged my mom to the mall (RIP) and got myself a pair of my own at The Bon Ton (RIPx2). I still have them and thank God I do because the trend swung right back around and I’ve never been more pleased to dust them off and debut them again. Boots as pants should FOREVER be a trend.

Also, fun fact, for whatever reason someone misspoke at work or drunkenly made up a word, and called that style of boots dopelopes, and ever since then, I actually struggle to call them anything else. If you think it’s stupid that I just wrote a whole paragraph about boots that are taller than normal, think about what a fuss I made at that time, the first night I wore them to the bar, with a sweater dress I specifically bought to wear with them! I forced a photoshoot with my BFF Kristi so the lewk could forever remain in our hearts and our minds. So basically, nothing’s changed because I still do that when I’m wearing a kickass outfit. PS s/o to mgk for being the toxic trashy boyfriend with a hot GF that’s too good for him for a full decade now. Quite an image to uphold.

The best part is after all that, you can’t even see my dopelopes in this picture!

Shape of You – Ed Sheeran

Ed had just released Divide in 2017 and I don’t think there was a day when I didn’t have that full album on repeat. (If you’re a longtime fan you’ll know that I gave it a track by track recap and it’s one of my faves he’s released.) I won’t punish your ears by putting Galway Girl on here even though I overplayed the shit out of that song this particular year. I even made it my alarm song, so I started each day ready to Irish jig all over the haters. Instead, I’ll include this bangpiece that was often in rotation at the pub. My hips DID NOT LIE when this beat was beatin.

My Own Worst Enemy – Lit

Sure, this song came out in 1999, but you’ve never experienced a REAL cover band unless they’ve let this song rip. This is such a classic drinking song, and I probably heard it every single weekend for 4 years straight. Quite literally never gets old. In fact, just the beginning guitar riff makes me taste Bud Light. Also, peek behind the scenes, when I was creating this playlist, I wanted to reach out to some friends who were a part of this era to make sure I included the songs that always made them think of our sloppy times, and while I was out here focusing exclusively of the pop hits of the time, they honed in on the 90’s and early 2000’s throwbacks these bands were singing as we moshed in the front row. Thank God for crowdsourcing because I was forever fuzzy on the deets in this time period. How could I forget being overserved and wailing PLEASE TELL ME WHYYYYYYYYYY with 100 sweaty strangers?!

New Rules – Dua Lipa

I discovered Dua Lipa through this song and oOh baby did this one hit home. There was a brief period of time when all of my gal pals sent their boyfs packin. They blamed it on mercury being in retrograde or something, which is a fun PR spin to put on dumping guys that probably deserved to be dumped. Regardless, this song coincided with the great dumping. Say dump again, Julia. And WE WERE FEELIN OURSELVES. It was Summertime and the livin’ was track season, BB! So we were hitting the bars and trying to follow Dua’s v. strict set of rules. And then Fall hit and we had a great theme party to celebrate the end of Mercury f*cking around. Welp, 50% of us failed and ended up taking those boys back and I wore that boy’s Space Jam shirt to said mercury theme party. I would LOVE to have a moment where I’m like it was our twenties, tough stuff, lesson learned. But HA! I never learned my damn lesson and I can say with my WHOLE-ass heart, Dua knew what the hell she was talkin about and I should’ve listened to her then. 1. Don’t pick up the phone. 2. Don’t let him in. 3. Don’t be his friend. Happy to report that so far in 2025, I’ve followed all three rules. First time for everything.

Despacito Remix – Luis Fonsi ft. Daddy Yankee & Justin Bieber

This was Bieber’s last hurrah of making music before he got married/retired and he was ALL about the collabs with DJ’s and rappers and latin popstars and every single one slapped suh hard, it was tricky to choose just one. Picked this one for a little culture and because it’s an instant hip-swayer. Did I learn a lick of Spanish from this song (or the 4 years of actual Spanish classes that I took?) No. Did I learn how to put some stank on Puerto Rico? HELL YEA I DID! This is how we do it down in *POO-WHERE-TO* RICO.

Cheap Thrills – Sia

Whether there was a dedicated dance floor at a bar or not, during this era, I’mma be dancin. Realistically, by the time I arrived at the bar around midnight, I was already a bottle of wine deep and it wasn’t hard to feel loose enough to groove immediately. And this song is the epitome of a bop and lyrics are basically exactly what my life was at that point. Friday and Saturday night, get cute, toss back some adult bevvies and hit the dance floor. As we’ve previously established by questioning how I could afford any of this, I didn’t need money as long as I could feel the beat.

Snapback – Old Dominion

You may wonder what a country song is doing in a mix of clerb pop beats and that’s a valid concern. This song is singlehandedly responsible for me clasping onto a trend that I have yet to really let go of and it is the exact opposite of thigh high boots. A band full of hot country boys singing about how sexy it is for a girl to wear a backwards hat was ALL I NEEDED to think that I looked like a total babe soda in a backwards hat. I’ve always been a hat gal, but this period of time is when I really ratcheted it into another stratosphere and the very first enabler of this trend was none other than local band Toga Boys who decided to sell snapbacks for $5. I’d like to preface this story by saying that when I commit to a bit, I do it so hard that it might scare some people. My first summer back in Saratoga I discovered Toga Boys and their weekly residency at Gaffneys, realized I had a raging crush on the lead singer who wore the hell out of a backwards hat, and then made it my mission to be at pretty much every show he played ever. Not only did I look like a creepy groupie, but I took it a step further and talked him into giving me a free hat, then I proceeded to never take that hat off for a solid calendar year. I wore that thing everywhere and because of OD brainwashing me into thinking I looked hot, I HONESTLY THOUGHT I LOOKED HOT. I still wear backwards hats, mostly at the beach, but at least I now know I look like a total lez and I just DGAF. Still waiting on those royalties for creating the PERFECT album cover for Toga Boys should they ever release original tunes with that donut float.

…Ready For It? – Taylor Swift

I mean, I’m not gonna talk about Reputation and not include a song from it. To say this album was iconic would be the biggest understatement of the century. A country/pop star who never swore and always kept a pretty squeaky clean image goes basically into hiding for a few years and then drops THIS HEATER?! The album was all F-OFF anthems and her look was EMO. I was obsessed and I always think of this album when I look back on these years. It was a whole attitude and I embraced it full force with my chokers and my dark lipstick. SO hard to pick one song so I just went for the all encompassing fan fave and most annoying phrase that I’ve ever gotten stuck in my head.

S.O.B. – Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats

Another nod to the local live music scene in Saratoga, after spending a couple of years stalking Toga Boys and their other band variations, I stumbled upon 2096 and suddenly, my obsession was transferred. Where Toga Boys leaned more into the classic and alt rock hits, 2096 incorporated more folksy stuff that you didn’t typically hear covered at the bar. I’ve only ever heard this song performed by them. In fact, this band was at the Stone Pony last year and when I heard this song I was like OH I KNOW THIS from Saratoga. Pretty offensive that the actual band was singing it and I was like ugh, it’s not 2096. Still don’t know any of the words, but I know SON OF A BITCH and oooooHHHHoooohHHoooooOOHOOhhhoohhh. And that’s all that matters. It’s such a fun group singalong song. Other honorable mentions from this band that got me in my feels EVERY time was Little Lion Man (another great crowd anthem) and Chasing Cars, which I had also never heard covered and legit teared up every time they performed it. Since I know how incredibly weird I was when I became super into a band, I will also issue a formal apology to these guys because I took “you’re a fun band to see live” the farthest always and I think I once DM’ed them a bunch of pictures I took of them performing like I was their social media manager. The pictures were awful as I was for sure seeing double. SORRY I’M A CREEP!

Sorry – Beyonce

JK I’m not sorry, cause Beyonce taught me to literally never be sorry and also that men ain’t shit. If you’re getting tired of me being like OMG ICONIC BAD GURLS, get over it because I’m TELLING YOU 2017 was for the gurleeeze. We were having ourselves a reckoning. Taylor vs. Kanye. Camila vs. mgk. Selena vs. Justin. Ariana vs. all of her exes. Beyonce vs. Jay-Z. Sir did you think you could cheat on Beyonce and she WOULDN’T have something to say?! Not only do I love a song that gives me permission to flip the bird as a dance move (and I definitely did) but without this song, we’d never have been gifted Becky with the Good Hair. It’s meant to be a burn, but honestly, I’d die to be called Julia with the Good Hair. So much so, that I somehow ended up translating the nickname to my boyfriend at the time because he had given me a nickname and I felt I should return the favor. Of course, his nickname for me was Droolz because I unfortunately had a period of time in my youth where I demanded to be called Jules and also food/spit were spraying out of my mouth almost every minute of every day. And I called him Becky with the Good Hair, Bex for short, because he had long hair that was for sure nicer than mine. Do you see the disparity? Boy, BYE.

This Is What You Came For – Calvin Harris & Rihanna

Even though we found out via ‘SCREW THE WORLD’ Tay that she basically wrote this song and let Calvin Harris take the credit because they were dating at the time, it doesn’t even matter because what A BANGER. This is exactly what you want to flail your limbs to on a Saturday night until 4am. For those of you unfamilz with Saratoga, there’s a bar on the corner of Caroline St called City Tavern and each floor all the way up to the roof has something different going on. The 4th floor was coined “the boom boom room” and I think you can picture exactly what that means. This is a boom boom room song. Strobes and mmst mmst mmst and Popcorn Brian grindin all up on YA. You’re welcome for that visz.

Summer of ’69 – Bryan Adams

My dad can vouch for this but my sister and I heard this performed out in Saratoga and immediately called and told him to learn it because we never want to see live music again without Summer of ’69. Credit to him because he did learn it and he’s played it every time we’re both at one of his gigs and we get up and jump around like idiots to it. It goes without saying that summer is my favorite season, so a song that glorifies all of the good times of summers when you’re young will always hold a special place in my very foggy memories. And not for nothing? You literally can’t beat a Saratoga Summer. So once again, thank you to Justin Joyner of Toga Boys, Motion Blur, & Gravity for bringing Summer of ’69 back into my life and ALSO putting up with me creepin fangirl style with my backwards hat and my weird ongoing bit in the summer of 2016 where I referred to you as my boyfriend without you knowing because I thought it was funny. Oop!

Stressed Out – Twenty One Pilots

I remember this song being bumped a lot, also Imagine Dragons’ “Thunder” which is kinda similar vibes but I’m sorry I can’t possibly give kudos to a song that just screams lightning and thunder over and over again. Anyway, this little ditty is tongue and cheek because I’m sure I sang it at the time with my whole heart wanting to turn back time to less stressful days. And now I listen to these lyrics and think WE WERE IN THE GOOD OLD DAYS. What the hell was I stressed out about at 25? Probably my bar tab.

All The Small Things – Blink-182

Another cover band crowd pleaser!! Gets the people going and I’ve never screamed WORK SUCKS, I KNOW harder for someone whose typical day at work consisted of sorting through chaps, dildos, and Four Loko dresses leftover from a Fat Jew show. Jk that was just one job. In this four year stint of living in Saratoga, I had 9 jobs. That’s not an exaggeration. 9 jobs in 4 years. Guess what? They all sucked. Jk the one where I planned beer festivals and got to travel to Hawaii was siiick. Too bad they laid me off after a cool 6 months. Now you know why I needed hit the bars as much as I did. “SAY IT AIN’T SO, I WILL NOT GO.” – Me when they turned the lights on at 4am.

Back To You – Selena Gomez

Remember the show 13 Reasons Why? You shouldn’t. It was DARK. Real hot in the streets at this time and this song was in it. I had to quit it cold turkey because watching all the reasons that a teenager commits suicide was not helping my newfound panic attacks, which also started around this time. Anyway, kinda unrelated but I just wanted to set the scene for what was hot in the streets 8 years ago. This song came out and everyone was like OBVIOUSLY THIS IS ABOUT JUSTIN BIEBER and then I found out that a singer who I met in college (my cr33pin on musicians goes WAY back) wrote this hit. Awesome for him, not so much for all of us Selena-Biebs stans. As someone who more than once, unironically, referred to her own relationship as the Selena and JB of Saratoga because of how many times we broke up and got back together, I guess I can relate to this song. Also suuuuper catchy.

Mr. Brightside – The Killers

You wanna instantly liven up a room full of sloshed white people? Play Mr. Brightside. Epic. Whether it was being sung by the band or got queued up on Touch Tunes, everyone was comin out of their cage. See what I did there? For people my age, this song dropped at a pivotal time in our lives, 8th grade. We started having school dances in 7th grade. So essentially, I’ve been partying to Mr. Brightside since it debuted. And it brings the house down every damn time. And I’ll repeat this story until I’m 6 ft under but when The Killers do a show, they open with Mr. Brightside and I honestly can’t get over it. It’s either the cockiest move or the dumbest move because then everyone’s like peace thanks for the show. Either way, I can’t imagine ever hearing this song and not immediately feel ready to run through a brick wall and also take a tequila shot.

Truth Hurts – Lizzo

Ok, so the majority of the pop hits I’ve included in this playlist came out in 2016/2017. That’s when I was going hardest in the paint. By 2018/2019, I had considerably slowed my bar outings and was opting for more settled weekend activities. Read: I was broke as a joke and had to be more selective about which nights I wanted to throw money away and then also delete the following day to a full 24-hour hangover. All that to say, I slowed my roll, but when Lizzo hit the scene and blew the summer of 2019 wide open, it was GAME ON. You could not escape this song. You’d be scrolling IG and see 3 posts in a row with the caption, “I just took a DNA test turns out I’m 100% that bitch.” (Guilty.) I remember going to see The Jonas Brothers in Albany and the entire arena singing along to this as if Lizzo herself was onstage…it was literally just the pre-show music. Truth is, she posed a great question that we still don’t know the answer to: why men great til they gotta be great? You can get back to me on that.

Shut Up and Dance – WALK THE MOON

Closing out strong with a song that was requested every time we went out by my girl Kim. This was her jam and if a live band didn’t play it for her, they were dead to us. She’d command the dance floor and it was fun to sit back and watch her give her heart and soul to performing it every time it played, but it was even more fun to get in the mix and have the whole group scream-singing it. A solid core memory of my golden years of Saratoga and I will never hear this song and not think of that time. Plus, it’s just a clean, feel-good bop. A wholesome song about dancing to a snappy beat. Does it get any better?!

Alright, the playlist is over. Now go get a doughboy from Esperanto and stumble on home.

Oh, you’re still here? Great. Feast your eyes on a throwback to the relic of Facebook albums with this visual walk down memory lane.

  • The time my mom gave me a trampstamp at Grey Gelding when I wasn’t even of legal drinking age yet.
  • A weeknight at Gaffneys in the off-season
  • See? RBF could start some fights.
  • My love.
  • Must finish the bottle before heading to the bars. This photo was taken at midnight.
  • Pre-Doughboy photoshoot
  • If I was this unhinged on the way to the bar, imagine what the walk home looked like.
  • RIP Sperrys Chowderfest ice luge. 2015
  • The last run in 2019
  • Apparently I chalked while drunk too.
  • Car Bombs at Parting Glass, another staple.
  • Rock at Desperate Annie’s was my ride or die.
  • Forced myself onstage with 2096 for my birthday. Plz note the backwards hat.
  • This flag was my personal backdrop pt 1
  • pt 2
  • pt 3
  • I declared November exclusively for backless shirts and called it Bovember because I’m an idiot.
  • Accidentally coordinating with Grinder
  • Just your average Thursday.
  • All the awards to the band for trusting two drunk girls with a probs expensive guitar for a Halloween photoshoot.
  • Mercury Girlies
  • The time I made my parents do bombs.
  • St Patricks
  • Will never stop drinking and backwards hatting.
  • Snow Day = Booze Day
  • Blizzards were just an opportunity to bar hop in a blanket.
  • Caroline St Sledding
  • The time I wore snowpants to Kings and was probably still the best dressed person there.
  • We brought balloons and treats for George’s 60th.
  • The next 10 photos are a series I like to call Posing with Total Strangers
  • There is no age limit
  • I definitely told this guy he had a fresh fit and demanded a photo
  • Ugly Sweater Pub Crawl
  • This was a recreation of Titanic?
  • The infamous Chowderfest Tigger
  • Sup bruh
  • My entire 25th birthday was a scavenger hunt of pics with strangers so instead of posting them all I picked a few especially weird ones
  • Mouth tats
  • and prom poses
  • s/o Tap & Barrel, another frequented joint
  • No open container laws 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • The ole boot & rally.
  • Choose not to count how many times I walked home barefoot.
  • Sry KC, you seemed to fall victim to all of my “MUST TAKE A PHOTO IN THIS OUTFIT” nights
  • Passed.
  • Bombs away with Saratoga Rikki!
  • This bar changed names 900 times, idk what it’s called now but what a moment when it opened and had a cool neon sign
  • And inflatable props.
  • We really loved Hawaii.
  • And props!
  • It’s a miracle I’ve ever had friends..
  • The time I took my mom to Pub to show her where I spend all her money.
  • Car bombs & chokers.
  • More chokers
  • OG Pres
  • TY Alex for introducing me to Soul Session & Desperate Annies
  • Never without a Bud Latte and I certainly got my money’s worth on this outfit I probably paid $15 for and wore downtown 900 times.
  • My first and basically last time at The Horseshoe.
  • We yelled at strangers a lot.
  • Just Audrina DJ’ing at Gaffs
  • The only time I’ve ever been captured by a professional photographer at the bar. Good thing I was sobez.
  • Green tea shots washed down with a beer
  • My last night living in Saratoga, getting behind the bar at Harvey’s and apparently posing with cash like a rapper.

Standard
Country, Music, Red Carpet

ACM Awards 2020

I dipped my toe in the quarantine awards show waters with the MTV VMA’s a couple of weeks ago and they were a downright disaster. Half was pre-taped, it was confusing as hell and watching a host that’s not really funny to begin with tell awk jokes to an empty room was cringeworthy as hell. Also, I must also add that I probably aged out of the VMA’s about ten years ago but much like everything else in my life, I refuse to accept it. Regardless, I’m bored as dick and thirsty as hell for awards shows. I live for getting a little wine sauced, stuffing snacks in my snackhole and judging fashion choices and unexpected live moments when celebrities all gather in one arena. Obviously COVID has really dumped all over that. It really hasn’t stopped me from dabbling in these attempted multiple-location, no audience awards shows so we will FORGE AHEAD. Since there wasn’t officially a “red carpet”, there’s only a few pictures to work with here so instead of doing a best and worst dressed, I’ll slap them all together and give you my sasshole commentary as per usual. A quick overall note, if I may…due to the fact that there wasn’t a E! worthy red carpet with Ryan Seacrest asking everyone what they were wearing and what snacks they have in their pantry at home, celebs did not care to dress up for this event. Loungewear casj chic was a real vibe for this show. Lots of sneaks and tees. If I sound judgmental please know that I’m not because this is my casual-wear and it makes the following look like couture.

IMG_5878

charleskelley

This shirt is barftastic and I’m not just saying that because Lady “A” came across like a buncha pricks by changing their name for being racist & doubling down when it turned out to be the name of an already established black artist. YOOOOOOOIKES. To that shirt and also their PR.

danshayacm

Going for the classic black can be pretty boring but it did allow me to really focus on Dan’s beautiful curls. I mean damn, this guy used to have a fade and now he rolls out with ringlets dripping down his back. I’m jelly as hell. My curls are garbage compared to these. Why is it always the guys who probably don’t even use conditioner and just let their hair air dry have the best locks? It’s just not fair and yes I did just work myself into a tizzy about this jabroni’s perfect hair. It doesn’t help that I found my very first grey hair a month ago so basically my hair stinks and also I’m 29 going on 98.

fglacm

I appreciate the efforts to duo coordinate here but I can’t give them an A+. Brian is essentially wearing an outfit I would wear, Tyler has denim patches in his crotch. SWING AND A MISS! I CAN get down with both headwear choices. It’s no secret that I got into the felt hat game last year because I wore the shit out of my maroon hat and photographed it every chance I got. Game respects hipster game. And obviously a backwards camo hat is also my steeze because I learned how to shoot a gun this summer, nbd but HBD. I’m so country it hurts.

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I have no idea what the HELL is going on with this skirt but I’m obsessed with the rest of it. I mean, throw on a pair of classic white kicks and an N*SYNC shirt and you know I’m going to be foaming at the mouth, Hils. Well played. Also, where can I get that tee, yo?

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Looooove this mixture. Roger Klotz meets Willie Nelson. YESSIRRRR. Who says you can’t do both!?

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I would’ve respected Kane more if he showed up decked out in full outdoor gear after he got lost in his own backyard and had to have the cops come rescue him. JK, JK. Relax. For realz though, this look is pretty boring. 

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Ya gurl Kelsea received the highest of compliments and the highest of disses in one single sentence from my mother. She said, she’s got nice legs like Carrie Underwood but she doesn’t have a voice like Carrie. OOF. Cin building ya up to break you down. Either way, her legs are H A W T and she’s crushing those cheetah boots.

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This is quite the 80’s fit. Oversized plaid blazer and white patent leather boots. I know blazers are making a comeback again but I’m just not a fan. Some people can really pull it off in the right environment but a country show in Nashville doesn’t SCREAM Clueless blazer to me. Now…if she had an N*SYNC tee underneath this mom blaze? It would’ve been GAME ON. 

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One of my besties in college used to have a pair of glasses like this that we would wear out when we were trashed to spark conversation. We called them The Lovely Bones glasses because make no mistake about it, they are 100% the glasses of a rapist. If Lindsay is looking to creep everyone out as the star of their nightmares (especially with that closed mouth smile) and get some laughs, great choice. If she’s trying to look trendy and cute–these glasses have got to GO. Love the matching separates though. Looks like red carpet loungewear.

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Luke legit didn’t even know the awards were tonight this is just what he wears every day. Just rolled in from the farm and was like oh that’s tonight? Cool beans. 

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I love summer and I love a good tropical print. But I’m conflicted here, because on principle, I do not like Maren. I don’t like how she’s always flashing the goods on a red carpet. Like congrats on your breast feeding rack but also, we don’t all need to see it. Other than her yabbos poking me in the eye, I’m loving this Hawaiian snack of a dress and the neon heels. 

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I love this guy. He’s a true country hick that just happens to have some hit songs. Canadian Tuxedo and full-blown mullet. Don’t ever change, Morgan.

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YAAASSSSSSS this is probbably my favorite look of the night (which isn’t really saying a lot because we’ve got a real dry spell of outfit pics.) Bob Dylan tee, leather fringe skirt and cowboy booties killinnnnn ittttt. Perfect casj cool concert look. 

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Riley also growing out the lettuce in quarantine and I don’t hate it one bit. He went so casj you can literally see the outline of his iPhone in his pocket. Or is that his phone…

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I cannot stress how much I loathe this entire look. First and foremost, the bangs. Taylor attaches a specific hairstyle to each album era and commits to it until she releases her next one. I am NOT pleased with the folklore hair. Curly-haired people should never under any circumstance have bangs. Whimsical, frizzy bangs aside, let’s talk this glam turtleneck on top, Jack Hanna on bottom outfit. These are high-waisted khaki pants. It’s cut off in the photo, but they are also tapered at the ankle. I’m honestly surprised they are not also cargo pants. This was Taylor’s big comeback to the ACM’s after 7 years and I’m just wondering why this was the outfit choice.

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I met Tenille last year and she is the most pure person I’ve ever met that’s in show biz. She has this delicate voice and the first thing she said in her performance last night was “I’m so humbled.” She’s too good for Hollywood and I just want to put her right in my pocket and keep her safe. None of this has anything to do with her outfit but you know I like to relate everything back to me and my personal stories. She’s rocking this gold jumpsuit and her hair looks amazing. I bet she smells like pine needles and her face is like sunshine.

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TR just spent a significant amount of time with his family in Montana and it shows. Much like Luke Bryan, I think he came back from his mountain vacation and just rolled right up to the “red carpet.” He looks like a fall snack.

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Cool guy Eric Church couldn’t even spring for a non-disposable mask. Also, notably the only person who incorporated a mask into his lewk. He still looks pretty badass.

Now’s the fun part where I just jack somewhat ratchet performance photos off the world wide web for more content:

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Carrie looked great even though she covered up her stems. Once she sees that Kelsea is coming in hot for her title as Country’s hottest legs, she’ll probably think twice about wearing an ankle-length gown at another awards show.

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Gabby is preggers and still committed to these tight as shit hot pants. Whatta babe. I loved the sparkle cape and shiny leathers. 

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Ugh. Gwen and Blake are still parading their love around via sappy duets. We get it, you guys like each other. Could do with a little less white junderwear from Gwen here. If you’re going to perform on a stool, don’t wear a pair of cutoffs that are going to ride right up your hoo-ha, gurl.

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Luke did an outfit change for his performance of One Margarita and this Jimmy Buffett vibe immediately made me smile. Nothing slaps like a Hawaiian shirt.

And finally, since I committed to not only watching this awards show, but also live tweeting it as if I have a following and anyone else was watching it, and on top of that writing this blog…I’m going to go ahead and give you some thoughts on the show as well, in no particular order.

When will Keith get a new haircut?

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I mean honestly. I know I already came down hard on Taylor’s hair and I may have used all allotted unsolicited hair commentary for the week with that but COME ONNNNNNN. Keith Urban has rocked the same Karen hairstyle since he hit the scene in the 90’s and I’ve finally reached my breaking point. Probably because it was also greasy as hell for this awards show. We need a little spice. Make 2020 your bitch and debut a new ‘do Keith. I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU.

Not being live STINKS.

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The crickets in the crowd sucks but the fact that these are all just pre-taped performances makes it even worse. The whole excitement of an awards show is the possibility of someone messing up or having spinach in their teeth (lookin at you Nick Jonas) and having perfect pre-taped segments is BooooOOOoooOOOring as hell. It’s like going to a Metallica drive-in concert, paying over $100 a car and then just watching a pre-taped movie of Metallica jamming. GIVE ME SOME LIVE CHAOS AGAIN. PLLLEEEEEASSEEEEE.Keith “talked” to Miranda at the Bluebird Cafe and it was like a bad newscast. The delays. The cringiness. Ugh. It was rough. Also important to note that the VMA’s was ALL about showing backstage masked celebrities and crew to really jam down our throats that they’re being “safe”–you know after they flew a bunch of people from California to New York and because they were celebrities they didn’t have to follow Cuomo’s two week quarantine rule. But what was interesting about these awards is that they take place in Nashville and I didn’t really see any masks. The most dramats BTS shot I saw was Darius Rucker pulling a mic out of a ziploc bag during a commercial break. No Corona here! We take the thing that goes near your mouth from a snack baggie so it’s REAL SAFE.

Spoiler Alert: TWO Entertainers of the Year.

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This killed me. The last award of the night is Entertainer of the Year. Keith opens it up and is like OH I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. WE’VE GOT A TIE! How? No clue how these awards are given out but there’s literally no way you can do a tie. An award means nothing if someone else won it too. If there was meant to be more than one Entertainer of the Year there wouldn’t be a medal for it. Congrats to Carrie Underwood and Thomas Rhett for getting participation trophies. And the dog and pony show that all put forward to be like WHAT IS HAPPENING?! Was this supposed to be a fun twist ending to a crappy pre-taped awards show because I’m not buying it. Obviously the Entertainer of the Year is Thomas Rhett and it isn’t even a question. Did Carrie even tour this year? Then Carrie accepting and being like GOTTA LOVE 2020, LOLZ! My eyes rolled out of my G-D head and directly out the door. No, seriously. I don’t even have eyes anymore. I’m using talk to type to write this right now because I’m certified blind because of a TERRIBLE joke that Carrie Underwood made. STOP BLAMING THE YEAR FOR EVERYTHING STUPID. I HAAAAAAATE when people do this. Just like when a celebrity dies and everyone is like THIS YEAR IS A CURSE. It’s especially weird because she’s basically throwing shade at a nice thing. She won an award and just happens to have to share it. And she’s like UGH 2020! #SoreWinner Does this year suck? 900000000%. Does that mean that everything that happens can be replied to with, “2020, man?” No. No it does not. Stop doing this. Yesterday I made soup for lunch because my bones were cold and I’m a 900 year old lady (remember I have grey hair now) wrapped in a fleece blanket like a shawl. I undercooked the noodles so it was basically like gnawing on shards of glass and then I didn’t leave it on long enough with the broth because I’m impatient and fat so it was also cold. Then when I put it back on to heat it up so it was edible, I dropped the spoon on the floor and got broth everywhere. During NONE of this debacle did I BLAME THE FREAKING YEAR. I rest my case.

My Fave Performances

They’re not so free with the posting performances after the fact (so I’ve only included one) but my favorites were Old Dominion, Thomas Rhett, Luke Bryan, Keith Urban & Pink, Eric Church and of course Taylor Swift. Although an uncensored Taylor Swift would’ve slapped so much harder. Thomas Rhett and John Pardi did coordinated twirls with their guitars that were bootscootin boogie wholesome and adorable. Eric Church started his performance with a voiceover from Johnny Cash about the American flag and it was badass as hell. I felt like an outlaw just watching it. Then my parent’s TV froze because their internet stinks. GOD. WTF 2020.

MY TWEETS:

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Playlist

Summer Daze

It occurred to me when I was shamelessly plugging my bomb playlists before 4th of July weekend that I didn’t have the most ESSENTIAL summer playlist, a country one. I’m not sure how this has slipped through the cracks since I’ve spent the last 10+ years cranking up country at the first whisper of warm weather with the windows down. My sister finally put her foot down after we tried countless country playlists on Spotify and were annoyed at the selection. So here we are–better late than never– bringing a little life back into 2020 with a banging summer playlist. It’s no summer palooza but it’ll be a pretty hawt substitute for it. Bump this for the variety of summer adventures you’ll embark on–pool day, lake day, BBQ, bonfire, WHAT HAVE YOU. It’s time to honor the genre of music that sings about farming, shooting, drinking & babes. And if you crave a longer version that you can leave on for a full day–look no further than my Spotify (username: julia.giantomasi) where you’ll find the Uncut edition of this playlist that is 13 hours long…along with every other playlist I’ve made so don’t say I never gave you anything.

1. Long Hot Summer – Keith Urban. Obviously I’m going to kick off the playlist with my favorite musician to lovingly razz about his middle-age female sense of style. No one quite pulls off capris, chunky boots and a sensible haircut like Keith. And at the same time he delivers the tastiest guitar licks and has given us endless bangers through the years. This is on the more recent end of his catalogue and was the first song I knew needed to be included in this playlist as it captures everything that is magical about summer…except bare feet on the dash.

2. 99.9% Sure (I’ve Never Been Here Before) – Brian McComas. This one might be a headscratcher as to why it’s included and I’ll tell you why. My older sisters were the trendsetters for everything in my life growing up and when they started getting into country music, it was no different that I would immediately copy them. This was the very first song that they became so obsessed with, it was on repeat in our house and since it’s catchy as hell I was like YUP, I’m all in on country. My parents (not country fans) were less than pleased with this, but realized they were outnumbered and resorted to making fun of lyrics but tolerating the constant country being played. I felt it was necessary to include this song because without it, this playlist doesn’t exist.

3. Drink A Little Beer – Thomas Rhett Ft. Rhett Akins. Ah, a little cross between old country and new country on this one. TR probably wouldn’t be a country singer without his dad so he invited dear ole dad to feature on his album and then took him out on tour as well. This is a deep cut but I’ve always loved the father/son combo and it’s just an all around back country hitting the overturned pot for a beat drinkin song. Plus I love that they razz each other at the end. Rhett’s like hey kid I gave you your career and your stage name, and Thomas is like HAHA you’re old though. GM’s.

4. Beat of the Music – Brett Eldredge. Brett’s about to drop new music for the first time in two years and boy have I missed him. This is a tossback to one of his first hits where he sings about an island fling. Wouldn’t it be cool to be rich enough to have island flings? I’m jelly. I did a girls trip to Nashville a few years back and one of my friends met a guy, held hands with him all night from bar to bar, stayed at his place and used his toothbrush the next morning as if they were married for 10 years and hadn’t just met 12 hours prior. That was her vacation fling. Doesn’t quite sound as romantic as dancing on the beach to live music. Brett’s got a real way with words and obviously the ladies.

5. Chicken Fried – Zac Brown Band. Listen, I know how cliche it is to include this song and yet THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT THIS PLAYLIST IS. So accept it. Chicken Fried puts asses in the seats. My favorite Saratoga band used to cover this song and every single time they did, people scream-sang the chorus and then brought it down real low for the salute to the ones who’ve died. It’s got something for everyone. Passion for KFC and also a tribute to our military. It is ‘MERICA in song form.

6. Summer Nights – Rascal Flatts. Any song that starts with a shout is always going to be a real good time. Holler if you’re ready for some summer nights? HOLLLERRRRRRRRRR. Seriously, can’t get enough of the summer nights…well that’s not entirely true. I have already had enough of the skeeters. If summer nights didn’t have skeeters looking to chomp on every inch of my skin (do you know they also BITE THROUGH CLOTHES?!) it would really be GAME ON. Sorry bout it that my skin is the sweetest of delicacies. Also, this song features one of my favorite musical treats–a clap break.

7. Drink in My Hand – Eric Church. I’ve always seen Eric as suuuuch a badass. Probably because he never takes those shades off and sings almost exclusively about drinking. He’s just got that bad boy edge to him. I love this song not only because he really hits it home with how much work sucks and everyone is just trying to get through to the weekend beers, but also the part when he says: “My head Monday morning that alarm clock sings/It goes bang, bang, bang, while it ring, ring, rings.” No clue why that’s my favorite part of the song. Probably because I’ve taken to singing it with a country twang and shouting RANG RANG RANNNGGG. I have a real knack for making something 10x more annoying. Try to unhear that, I dare you.

8. When the Sun Goes Down – Kenny Chesney Ft. Uncle Kracker. Hey guys, remember Uncle Kracker? This one isn’t an all-time favorite of mine but I felt like it needed to be included to add to the all around vibes we’re trying to throw here. Also I distinctly remember changing my AIM profile to it’s summer version and including “Everything gets hotter when the sun goes down” with a Sun emoji (the kind that you had to look up a code to create because emojis didn’t exist yet.) Obviously I was a pre-teen at the time and absolutely nothing was getting hotter for me when the sun went down. But it was fun to pretend I had a scandalous life and wasn’t just going to bed at 10 pm after roasting mallows with my parents in our firepit.

9. Pontoon – Little Big Town. What a drinking anthem this was. And then Little Big Town was like oh shit, all we need to do is sing about boozing in the sun during the day? And BAM, they released Day Drinkin’. This crew really found what people want and it’s a whistle tune with lyrics about doing nothing but drinking near a body of water. AKA the only thing you should really be doing with your summer if you’re doing it right.

10. Night’s on Fire – David Nail. I’ve always loved David Nail even though he’s not the most prolific country artist but he was one of the early ones I got hooked on. This song really kicks it up and is all about spicy summer nights with a babe soda, so I’m all in.

11. Parking Lot Party – Lee Brice. This is kind of a hard one to hear this year. There are no parking lot parties happening in 2020. So we’ll just have to reminisce back on the years when concerts were allowed and you’d go on a sweaty summer night to an amphitheater in your town, guzzle brewskis in the parking lot, get to your seat, pay a small loan for a tall boy that will get warm as hell in about 20 minutes of gripping it and grooving to your favorite band. Nothing compares to a summer concert and the tomfoolery that takes place in the parking lot beforehand. This year I was supposed to see both Old Dominion and Thomas Rhett live in June to kick off my summer and obviously that didn’t happen. I considered buying a Thomas Rhett tee at Target the other day to pretend like I saw him live and bought merch. Obviously I’m not taking the news well. Hopefully by next summer we’ll be tearing up a few parking lot parties again.

12. Somethin’ Bout A Truck – Kip Moore. I’ve had fantasies about my other half being a southern gent who drives a truck for quite some time. Stephen on Laguna Beach further made me hornier for a pick up truck when he whipped that white one around town between Kristin and LC’s houses. Tim Riggins sealed the deal when he not only had a truck, but opened up Riggins Riggs with Billy to work on trucks. Obviously, I’m super into a man who trucks, which is why Kip Moore has really painted a nice picture here. Trucks are sexy and will 100% of the time lead to skinny dippin. Thank you for your service, Kip.

13. Red Dirt Road – Brooks & Dunn. Another nostalgic add. This is such a classic country song. Dirt roads, beer, truck, Jesus, a wholesome chick named Mary. It doesn’t get anymore country than that, yo. I’m so glad he got Mary back again. I would’ve been crushed if he didn’t. This song is like driving through your hometown all wrapped up neatly with a guitar groove and I love it.

14. Feels Like A Party – LOCASH. This is the portion of the playlist where we dabble in what h8ers like to call “bro country.” These two sound like they probably fratted out HOARD in college and they’re singing about a rager. Don’t get me wrong, I love turning up for a good time and that’s exactly why this song is on here. Cause “it’s only 8 and the speakers are banging” is the SIGN of a good partaaayyyy.

15. Something Like That – Tim McGraw.  Remember how I told you the tall tale of how my parents hate country music and would chirp us for the silly lyrics when we refused to turn it off?! I distinctly remember my mom coming at us hot over this one. She’d go oooOoOhh “BBQ STAIN ON A WHITE T-SHIRT?!” in a mocking voice. Like the Spongebob meme 15 years before it existed. They also weren’t too fond of she thinks my tractor’s sexy–a classic in it’s own right–although let me be perfectly clear a farmers tan will NEVER be sexy. Tim McGraw hitting the NEW in New Orleans, will on the other hand, always be sexy. What a DILF.

16. Barefoot Blue Jean Night – Jake Owen. Ahhh this song will forever remind me of high school. Not because I was popular and cruised to the riverside every night to drink with the cool kids, but because I was super into waxing poetic about wanting to be young forever, as everyone is in their youth. It felt like being a grownup was SUPER far away. Those were the golden days.

17. Runnin’ Outta Moonlight – Randy Houser. Have you ever met a more romantic stud than Randy just wanting to take his boo out on a clear summer night for some truck bed star gazing?! What a dreamboat he is. Don’t keep him waiting! After listening to this song I might need to add star-gazing in a pickup to my bucket list.

18. Anything Goes – Florida Georgia Line.  These two bozos have gotten a lot of flack since they hopped on the country scene and brought in hip hop influences and features on their tracks. They were told they weren’t real country. Now everyone collabs with house beats and rappers and popstars so it’s a moo point, but fist bump to them for sticking it through because I don’t know what I’d do without them. Mostly because they always wear disgusting outfits at awards shows that I can make fun of. Also because they strictly made party country songs for the first few years and I bumped them non-stop, including this one.

19. American Style – Old Dominion. Would’ve been cool as hell to see OD live this year but WuTeVeR. Not bitter or anything. This is a nice post-4th of July reminder that this country is full of a bunch of cool things like ferris wheels and leather jackets. I mean, they have them in other countries too but are they really AS COOL? Nah, son.

20. Country Girl (Shake It For Me) – Luke Bryan. There has never once been a time where this song has come on and I haven’t given it my all on the dance floor. I realize that there’s also almost NEVER a dance floor when it comes on. One time I got up on the ottoman in my living room and broke it down. When I saw him perform it live, I scooted out into the aisle so I had more space to really break it down. It is my number one, all-time, favorite country song. It helps a LOT that Luke Bryan is a backwards hat wearin, hips shakin babe and watching him shake that money-maker only inspired me to do the same every time I hear the starting beat of this song. This may be my boldest statement yet, but I know I out-perform Luke on this number. I encourage him to invite me onstage to put my hips where my mouth is and prove it once he can start touring again. I became a country girl when this song came out, shaking it for the catfish swimming down deep in the creek and I will never stop. Play it at my funeral and I betcha my corpse will shimmy out of the coffin for one last country girl shake.

Back in February (our last pre-corona bangarang weekend on the town) my sister captured my most recent performance, or so I thought–turns out she captured me slowing down and turning to tell her I was out of breathe. If I’m struggling that hard to breathe, IMAGINE HOW HARD I WAS DANCING when she wasn’t filming! Also, peep that guy next to me wondering why the hell I ran to the dance floor to dance by myself.

No seriously…never not talking about how hard in the paint I go for Country Girl Shake it For Me…Try to stop me. YOU CAN’T.

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