Red Carpet

Met Gala Red Carpet 2016

Welcome to the Met Gala, where all the tweens are invited and there’s always a weird theme that the Olsen Twins promptly ignore. This year’s theme was: Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology…whatever the F that means. Let’s judge.

Woof:

dakotajohnson

Kewl stars, Dakota.

Did Solange just dye last year’s dress yellow and add some latex leggings? #LEMONADE

emmaroberts

Not only is this a granny dress but her face is scarin me.

zendaya

THAT BOWL CUT THOUGH. DAMN.

jimmy

madonna

On what planet does anyone want to see Madonna’s nips or buhhole?

katy-perry

Katy Perry is quickly becoming the next Gaga with her dumb outfits and I will not go quietly into the night about this. I do miss my tamogatchi though.

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How does one accentuate their curves? By adding a bunch of buckles, apparently.

olsens

Ever the rebels, the twins show up in cloaks as per usual. Endless ciggs have been treating MK’s face well. She looks suuupes youthful.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

What fresh hell is this seaweed dress, Cindy Lou Who hair combo, Lupey?

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Beyonce looks good because she always looks good but I hate this dress. The color, the latex, not for me. SARRY guess I’m just Becky with the good hair.

kimye

Kim doesn’t look tha worst, but Kanye VIBES West ruined it.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

I feel bad consistently putting Kris on the worst dressed, because you can tell she tries so hard but like, let your daughters outshine you and retire the choker.

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Speaking from someone with 100% natty boobs, I don’t know if it’s normal for fake tits to sit at someone’s throat but something isn’t right here, LaLa.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

Just, wtf is this. Save this bad boy for a 4th of July beach cover-up.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

If she had covered her bodice more I would’ve been down with this because the silver feathers are elegant. But I can live without seeing your crack whisper out of the tailfeather.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

This year’s sponsored by Hefty, Trash Bag Edition.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Following up the garbage bag dress, here’s random recyclables sewn togets.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Do Less.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Hey Ciara, every man above 60 called and they want their toup back:

karl

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

Love that the feathers weren’t enough, there also needed to be a majestic butterfly fluttering across this gown.

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I looked right at this outfit and had to do a double take thinking it was 15 years ago and Jen Lindley was attending the ball.

jenbangs

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

What’s happening here?

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

Furrever 15.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

This looks like a costume from Practical Magic.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

I mean, typs for Gaga.

jaredleto

Never wear a white tux if you’re a white and that’s obvious.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

I can’t even look at this dress because it feels like Katie is staring into my soul.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

It’s possible Karlie landed on the worst dressed purely out of jealousy.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

HEY Kerry’s preggers again. Also she’s attending a Halloween party.

Yaasss:

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This pose made me laugh for several minutes and I’m not afraid to admit it. The look is actually great, especially for hairy, scary Lorde, but that side head is outrageous.

brielarson

Brie’s closing out a hot red carpet season with this sparkler.

emmastone

I’m digging the dark locks on Emma. Plus this dress honors the theme without being outrageous.

Irachel-mcadams

I think I drooled looking at this picture. Nbd.

amyschumer

I wish her hair wasn’t so erect but the dress is hot stuff.

ninadobrev

This dress is flattering in every way.

rami-malek

I’ve got a thang for blue tuxes.

clairedanes

Cinderella, IRL. Going to a rave:

daneslightupnickjonas

Looking dapper as always. WONDER IF HIM AND KHUD SMOOCHED.

gigizayn

This is some robot fairytale shit. GiGi looks like a smoke and Zayn is her literal knight in shining armor.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

Alessandra’s dress is just the right amount of weird and also it looks comfy AF.

ansel-elgort

That smolder though. Panty flooder.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Didn’t even need to include the pic with Jeets because Hannah knocks my socks off all on her own.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Sometimes Chloe has a tendency to dress like she’s straight out of a Delia’s catalogue but I like this look on her.

MET Gala 2016

Scary goth face, pretty dress.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

I wish I could wear this dress. Like, anywhere. What a beautiful fairy.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

Demi has looked fierce as hell in every appearance ever this year.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Mindy’s lookin fresh and possibly has a keyboard clutch?

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

This dress is from H&M, so that us commoners can also dress for a ball.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

I’m torn on this. On the one hand, she looks like a sassy sailor, on the other hand she’s wearing white clam diggers at a ball. You decide.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

This kind of looks like trash gathered from a beach but I like it and I bet it’s comfy to lay in.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

Kendall maintains as best dressed Jenner/Kardash

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

Never did I think the day would come when I’d toss a compliment Kylie’s way but she really cleaned her shit up. She looks classy and essentially is wearing the same dress as Kim and looks a bajillion times better. Take notes, Kimmy.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Let your hurrr downnn!!!

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Kate couldn’t even sit in this dress so that blows but she looks like a dime.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Adorbs

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

From the neck down, I’m all over this shit. From the neck up, I’d like to gauge my eyes out. Tay is edgy now and we need to accept it I guess, but the bleach bob NEEDS TO GO. Those shoes slay though.

"Manus x Machina: Fashion In An Age Of Technology" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

What bump? Olivia looks skinny as possible in this dress.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC, New York, America - 02 May 2016

TBH, I don’t really know what’s going on here but I know that her head/bustier looks fab so I just glossed over the maybe cape, maybe pants sitch down below.

blake

I mean, end with a bang of course. She doesn’t look preggers,

she just looks F-L-A-W-L-E-S-S

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Television

Dawson’s Creek Top Embarrassing Moments

dawsons-creek

The celebratory day has come where they’ve thrown Dawson’s Creek into syndication in hopes of a revival of new fans pleading for a reunion. Unfortunately since I do not have a TV in my cubicle, I can’t enjoy the return to the Creek, which has caused me to consider quitting my job just for a daily episode of Dawson’s. I’m sure my boss would understand. Anyway, as I was brainstorming different blogs I could write in commemoration of a show so good that I blew through the first three seasons while living in a different country (some choose to immerse themselves in the foreign culture, I chose to immerse myself in Capeside), the moments I kept recalling were those that gave me the cringes. The times when the characters-mostly Joey and Dawson, the two most insufferable TV leads in history-did something that made me want to cover my eyes and hide from the screen. I think these times are what sums up Dawson’s best as the pinnacle teen drama and so without further ado, all the cringes in the world.

Beginning rightfully so, with the worst theme song to ever exist…take it away yodeler crooning about hearts and arrows and sunsets:

Paula Cole was ROBBED.

Dawson asks his dad how to kiss

There are two REAL icky parts to this scene. First of all, Dawson legitimately asks his dad what the technique is for kissing which ensues in a show and tell of him macking a Joey mannequin head. His dad pointing to his lip and telling Dawson to keep it loose and relaxed made me almost upchuck. Second, Joey peeping Tom’s the whole thing from the upstairs balcony with her shirt wide open over a bikini top. WHAT?! I’m also almost positive that she needs a change of undies after watching Dawson tongue her replica head. See: last picture.

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If you’re bold enough and aren’t worried about losing the contents of your stomach watch the scene here from 8:32-12:00:

Everyone talks obsessively about sex, but no one actually has it

Dawson’s little chatski with his dad about smooching begins because he’s wondering where his camera is and Dawson’s dad is like oh it’s in the bedroom where your mom and I just filmed a sex tape, please leave that behind when you take your camera back. Which leads me right to the casual sex conversations that occur every episode, yet there’s almost NO actual sex. Thank God for Jen because she brings a little spice to the show but obviously she’s labeled as a real NYC whorebag. Joey holds onto her V-card until season 4 with Pacey then pretty much never has sex again, Dawson spends his entire existence crying about being the virg but turns down sex from several ladies just so he can whine more. Remembs slutty Eve?! Anyway, don’t expect any ‘tration in the Creek unless it has been dissected verbally for years beforehand.

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Jack poses nude for Joey

sexyjack

Jack still thinks he’s a straight and pursues naïve little Joey who is trying to be really artistic. Jack poses nude for her because they’re SO adult (16?) and uh oh, they start chit chatting about sex and he pops a boner mid-sesh. I wonder if Joey sketched that in to be true to her art? Nope, it turns out she went for the carefully positioned leg to cover up that sitch. Anyway, moral of the story is that Jack compares sex to Starry Night, and also he’s afraid of it.

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Andie and Dawson sing the blues

Dawson is all wah wah over Joey (what’s new?) and Andie has a shitty home life so they decide to get buzzed and hit the stage at a blues club to embarrass themselves and me, as well. Dawson singing about Jack being gay, Andie using a tacky “blues” (can we call it that?) accent and reminding us her name is Andie. AGH. Someone box my ears.

Joey sings ALL.THE.TIME

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Joey Potter SUCKS at singing, and yet we are forced to watch her take the stage SEVERAL times throughout the series. I’m really not sure why they kept trying to make Joey the songstress happen but my ears forever wished it would stop. First we had a little talent contest where she takes on a braodway song with her baby bird whiny voice, then there’s karaoke and finally in her college years, Joey is like why not join a rock band, amirite? Her singing is better this time around…was she drunk? Was I drunk? There’s no way to really tell but better still sucks and finally by the last season she had retired the mic—but the damage had already been done. Memories of her shrill voice and gyrations will cloud my brain until the day I die.

Dawson drops out of film class and redecorates his room.

blogda22

Butthurt over someone else being good at making movies, Dawson drops the class to “step away and recharge his batteries” like this is has been his career for 20 years and not just a HIGH SCHOOL CLASS. In the wake of reinventing himself as someone whose not a loser, he decides to clear his walls of movie posters and hang John Lennon’s “Imagine” poster, making him an even bigger loser. Not dramats at all, Dawson.

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Joey hates alcohol but loves bucket hats

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Good ole Josephine Potter is dating AJ the college boy, thus allowing her to act like she’s eons above high school morons except SHE CAN’T EVEN DRIVE YET. Since her boy chose studying over a Valentine’s date, she’s forced to tag along with Dawson and Pacey to a field party. Joey obviously shits all over drinking and says it’s for the scum of the earth then ends up attending the party WEARING A BUCKET HAT…in the middle of winter…in Massachusetts. What a party animal.

Watch beginning to 2:07 for full effect of dialogue suited for PhD students and not 16 year olds.

Dawson’s cry face

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I mean…for obvious reasons this is the top cringeworthy moment for this show and probably all of television for how much gif play it gets on the internet to this day. The most hideous of cry faces and it’s all over a girl not choosing him. Pls drown yourself in your tears, Dawson.

4:00 mark should do it.

Pacey and Joey do story time on True Love

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Coming back from a summer sharing a boat called “True Love” to the rumors of did they or didn’t they bone is a pretty typical thing for a high school couple. Since we all know Joey is a real square and Pacey lost his V to a teacher like a BAMF, there was cause for believing nothing actually happened. As they whine about it the whole episode, finally we get our redemption when Joey says, “Hey Pace, can we do that thing we do sometimes?” Obviously we all rub our hands together in anticipation for a little rocking of the boat. NOPE. We find out that they’ve spent the past few months popcorn reading in bunked hammocks while holding hands. Boner. Kill.

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Start at 40:25:

Dawson’s dad dies eating an ice cream cone.

mitch

I understand that every dramatic show needs to kill off a supporting character once in a while to shake things up so I’m not mad they killed off Mitch because Dawson needed to man up and have a real tragedy occur in his life to show him that getting rejected from NYU wasn’t the end of the world…but COME ON…happy-go-lucky Mitch doing a car solo to “Drift Away” while enjoying an ice cold snack and then reaching down for a little floor ice cream only to swerve to his death…IS ANYONE SUPPOSED TO TAKE THAT SERIOUSLY? Mitch deserved more than death by frozen treat.

Jen snags Dawson’s V.

jendawson

Yikes, Jen. Not a good look. No girl ever wants to be the one to snatch up a guy’s V card and you willingly do it for the WHINEST, CLINGIEST guy who has always been in love with your friend? Woof. Generally Jen is a real badass in the series and therefore deserves much more fist bumps than she does cringes, but this is one I couldn’t give her the knucks for. Related but also kind of unrelated: the winter PJ’s set. SEXY.

Pacey’s goatee

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Ick. This thing was atrocious and I commend the fact that most of the characters agreed with me. Pacey’s goatee got a lot of chirping, as it should have, and finally Joey got to shave it off him in the least sexy scene of all time that somehow led to their romantic reunion. Shaving is an aphrodisiac apparently.

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Jen’s Bangs

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Ok, I promised I wouldn’t harp on Jen that much because she was pretty cool but like I will not go quietly into the night about season 6’s bangs atrocity. These weren’t just bangs, these were I accidentally got drunk and was near scissors, bangs. What makes it worse is that things finally start to go swell for Jen’s love life with CJ the total dreamboat and yet her forehead mustache stays intact. WHY.

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Relive all these cringes and more on ABC Family at Noon, M-F. Play us out, Paula!

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