Pop Culture, Television, Uncategorized

Barbara Walters’ 10 Most Fascinating People

Sunday night TV was real slow, so I sat down with Babs to see what hard hitting questions she would throw at the most fascinating people of the year and also for the big reveal of number 1. Did you miss it? No worries, I’ll keep this recap short and sweet, like I wish this special would have been.

Babs starts out her intro with “Hi you may remember me, Barbara Walters.” I didn’t realize we had a stand-up comedian hosting this special. The tone was set for a hilarious two hours. She reminded us that this special was supposed to be retired last year because it is tired and she’s picked the same people every single year forever, but ABC wanted more money so they brought it back thirsty for profits and ratings. (Side Note: Barbara’s suuuper expressive eyes after every few words got REAL creepy, REAL quick.)

Scarlett Johansson: Why she is on this list is baffling to me but she talks about how she’s actually short, she believes relationships are hard and monogamy isn’t natural and she’s open about being in therapy. Babs hears that Scarlett got her start in musical theater and DEMANDS that Scarlett sing a number on the spot despite how uncomfortable Scarlett clearly is with the idea. (Who ever declared that Barbara Walters was GREAT at interviewing was seriously wrong. She’s super awk.) Scarlett sings a little bit and looks like she wants to get the hell out of there. It was snoozeworthy at best.

Neil Patrick Harris: It’s hammered home that Neil can literally do everything, including magic. Coming out to his family was tough at first because his dad thought that he would whore out at clubs, now they’re more accepting. I didn’t realize that Neil came out mid-How I Met Your Mother in 2006 after a tabloid threatened to out him. Pretty aggress. Both him and his husband David fathered a child but they don’t know which kid they’re the biological father of. Babs asked multiple times if they would ever want to find out which kid is biologically theirs and NPH had to say no several times. USE YOUR EARS, BABS.

David Koch: Literally no interest level in this person, I turned my ears off. (Also there was a tech guy included in the special, whose name I already forgot because he was NOT fascinating to me.)

Chelsea Handler: She had to clear the air for the 1000th time that she never wanted to replace Letterman because she’s not a network girl and will never want to be censored or have to follow rules. Revealed that her oldest brother died when she was growing up because he fell off of a cliff and this is possibly why her dad is such a maniac. Good ole Chels got a DUI when she was 21 and had recently moved to Hollywood and in her class that she was required to take afterward she got up and was telling stories and someone told her she should be a standup and that’s where that came about. Love that hot mess. She said she would consider getting married just to try it for a little bit. Babs told Chels with her eyes that it was wrong to be so slutty and loose. Judgement city.

Oprah: Barbara reminds us that she’s interviewed Oprah four million times. Oprah has no regrets about not having kids, her and Stedman are still going strong. O talks about being sexually assualted at a young age and then becoming skanktastic and getting pregnant at 14 and being sent to live with her dad who told her he’d rather have her dead than pregnant. Uh oh. Surprise! Oprah ended up losing the baby and it became her “second chance” and her life became completely different. Babs and Oprah slobber all over each other and talk about how they’re obsessed with each other and end the interview with a creepy smile handshake.

Michael Strahan: Michael used to be a heffer, Jane Fonda tapes made him skinny. He’s been married a couple of times and the first marriage was casj and they’re still friends, the second marriage ended wooftastic and it was in the tabs that he was gay or he cheated and Michael proved to be a real stand-up guy, kept quiet and took all the backlash because he didn’t want to disgrace his kids. He also never wants to fix the gap in his teeth. (B.Walterz really digs deep with her questions.)

George RR Martin: I can’t physically listen to this guy talk because I have never seen/read Game of Thrones. Literally no idea what he’s talking about half the time. Apparently he finds it offensive when people say he’s going to croak before he finishes writing the series. I wonder why he would find that offensive…

Taylor Swift: This interview was WAY too short. Basically they talked played out questions, Tay told America that every time they say she’s gonna write a song about a boy it’s the oldest joke and basically the media is a bunch of sexist pigs because they would never say that about men writing about their personal lives. GET EM TAY. Also she talks about how in the past five years she hasn’t been alone (YIKES), kicking it with her fans at her houseS and looking at their instagrams keeps her grounded and she DOES drink alcohol, she’s 25 after all. Also she’s serious about being single these days (yawn).

DRUMROLL PLEASE. The most fascinating person according to Ms. Barbara Walters is Amal (Alamuddin) Clooney. Here’s what I don’t understand…she just talks about Amal. There is no interview, I’m assuming there’s no consent from Amal so WHAT is the point of this? Instead Bab’s shows a bunch of clips of her interviewing George Clooney and basically makes it all about him and how he swore up and down that he would never get married and all the people that he dated since he said that. I’m sure this was really uplifting for Amal, as she watches the segment about her that Barbara Walters clearly just googled and reported over a backdrop of public photos in a slideshow. What a crock of bullshit. You tricked us all, Babs. (Just me? Oh ok.)

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