Last year around this time I revisited my golden years of partying in TogaTown from 2015-2019, refresh yourself on that bangpiece of a playlist here: Pub Nights. This year’s nostalgic playlist goes out to my college years. From 2009-2013, I spent many weekends (and lots of weeknights) in frat house basements that looked like they belonged in a hostage video, fist pumping at college bars, sardined in a 4-row utility van that I paid $1 for trying not to puke, and never wearing a coat no matter how cold it was because it would ruin my outfit and the vanilla Svedka would keep me warm. So KoLLeGe.

What makes me create these throwback playlists? Obviously, each winter when I start going to the gym in order to not KMS, I absolutely need fire flames tunez to keep me chugging away on the elliptical. As it turns out, the big hits of my peak drinking years just so happen to also be a phenomenal exercise soundtrack. Since I’m old and no longer do the Jersey Turnpike to Billboard’s Hot 100 each year, I must create eras playlists to commemorate my youth. Perhaps next winter you’ll be delighted with my early 20’s Boston era (heavy on the Jason DeRulo), but for now, enjoy this musical journey through a very expensive (but PAID OFF, BABY!) four year dalliance with higher education and reminisce the beginning of Instagram, Snapchat, and the art of the 200 pink digital camera-captured Facebook album after a night out with me. Out of respect for Marist College’s dopey fox of a mascot named Shooter (later changed but I refuse to recognize a name change for overly sensitive people who read into mascot monikers) go ahead and PUT YOUR SHOOTERS UP and get ready to do the Red Fox Rrrrrrrrrumble!

1. Tik Tok – Ke$ha

Did we know that the title of this song would a decade later be the app that changed doom scrolling foreva?! No, we did not. Did we know that a decade later we’d be watching a documentary detailing how much of a dirtbag abusive nightmare Diddy is? No, we did not. Did we know that a decade later Ke$ha would reveal that she was abused in her early music career days and legally take down the music producer who did it? No, we did not. What we did know is that this song fucking WENT. Ignorance is bliss, baby! And that can pretty much sum up why college is so amazing. If you go away to college like I did, you live in a little campus-wide bubble where the biggest scandal is the girl who got wasted and smeared her shit on the walls of Sheehan Hall, widely known as the Sheehan Shitter. Yes that really happened, and yes we talked about it for an entire semester. Sorry to that girl. I should stand in solidarity as a survivor of IBS, then again, I’ve never gotten so turnt on Four Lokos that I smeared my own feces on the wall like a toddler. So, nickname deserved, unfortunately. Anyway, I really got off the rails there and we need to get back to this EPIC pop debut by our glittery hippie with a dollar sign in her name. Glamorizing being a party girl in my very first year of college set the tone for lots of fun nights out and also a clear boundary of when to draw the line. Have fun, go to parties, but if you’re brushing your teeth with a bottle of Jack, you’ve gone too far, babe.

2. Give Me Everything – Pitbull (feat. Ne-Yo, Afrojack, Nayer)

It pains me to give any sort of shoutout to Mr. 305, that little bald nugget who preceded DJ Khaled for most annoying musician shouting the same phrases in every single song. Dalé. Mr. Worldwide. HOW-EV-ER, you cannot deny this man’s ability to make an uplifting dance number. This may not apply to everyone, but I happened to attend college in the perfect location for all of New Jersey, Long Island, Staten Island, and various Brooklyn/Bronx students to gather. For them, it was just the perfect distance away to get a taste of freedom but also bring their laundry home to Mah on Sunday and enjoy gravy dinner (or sauce if you’re anywhere other than North Jersey.) If you might recall, this was also the beginning of The Jersey Shore on MTV. Combine a bunch of Italian Americans, and the invention of guidos on our televisions, and you can picture what the dance floor looked like on any given Saturday night. Big poofs and beating the beat. Fist bumpin to a Pitbull song? Unparalleled. That’s livin, baby.

3. Like A G6 – Far East Movement

Never heard a Far East Movement song before this, never heard one after this. But Thank God these nobodies put out this mediocre song about getting drunk therefore giving a bunch of white college kids the PeRfEcT Facebook Album Title. Getting Slizzered?! Couldn’t sum up my first year of college any more accutately. Even better, coming from the snow belt of Syracuse where school was never cancelled to the very panicky southern NY Po-Town who cancelled classes every time there was a storm prediction also gave new meaning to “poppin bottles in the ice like a BLIZZARD.” You know what’s better than a snow day? A snow day that’s announced the night before so you can go out and get drunk with your friends to celebrate not having class in the morning. Duh.

4. Bottoms Up – Trey Songz (feat. Nicki Minaj)

What I’m quickly learning as I construct this playlist is that if there was one theme of this four year period of music, it was singin about boozin. Which tracks because we had a whole-ass assembly where an announcement was made about how many Freshmen were carted away in an ambulance after the first weekend. Amateur hour. Apparently my fellow classmates had never gotten slizzered in their parent’s basement before off a plastic handle of vodka. If they did, maybe they could’ve done the first weekend of college without involving first responders. Def wouldn’t recommend those n00bs try living out Nicki’s verse in this song where she lists every type of alcohol imaginable. What’s sad is that 18 is THE time to mix all of the spirits. No hangovers. I mix a glass of wine and an espresso martini these days and wake up with Sahara boca and an anvil on my brain. But I will tell you something that is timeless…If you bring up a margarita around a millennial, you’ve got a 99.9% chance they work “salt all around that RIM RIM RIM RIM” into that conversation. And that’s probably one of the many reasons Gen Z mocks us. And ya know what? I’m ok with it cause Nicki MADE this song.

5. Club Can’t Handle Me – Flo Rida (feat. David Guetta)

By including all of these spicy songs about clubbin, you would think I was cutting the line and strutting through the velvet rope to my regular table at the clerb every single weekend. Could not be further from the truth. It wasn’t the club can’t handle me, it was I can’t handle the club. Being on a crowded, loud, dark dance floor in stilettos with flashing lights is actually my nightmare. I tried it on for exactly one month because that’s where all the 8th floor girliepops were going and we traveled as a pack until we made real friends. Then I said you know what’s actually more my vibe? Drinking warm keg beer in a basement that looks like they kidnapped women and chained them up in those shady crevices. (No, srsly, one place actually had an underground bunker where we hid from the cops.) Then I graduated to partying in the well-lit kitchens of on-campus residences. I would’ve been at normal bars except that I lost my sister’s ID and I had a very humbling experience of borrowing a friend of a friend’s fake that said I was 5’4″, having a bouncer give me the ole up and down, smirk, and go you’re not 5’4″. I smoothly replied, “I’m wearing heels.” He then said, “Ok, take them off.” This would’ve been a solid time for me to realize I was being hazed, but I was too drunk to pick up on the sarcasm/too stubborn and actually took my heels off on the pavement and slouched down as if I would miraculously be 5 inches shorter. He sent me packing and I memorized a stranger’s address for NOTHIN.

6. We Found Love – Rihanna & Calvin Harris

I had forgotten just how many bangers Rihanna had until she did the Super Bowl halftime show a few years back. Rahn might’ve taught us all at this time to “never fall in love at the Jersey Shore,” but might I take that a step further and say “never fall in love in college.” I can say that because I FUR SURE didn’t. Obviously I know of college sweethearts who are now married with children, but if you were to see what happened on the d-floor during this beat you’d know what it’s like to find love in a hopeless place (Hatter’s, that hopeless place is Hatter’s.) For all y’all non-Red Foxes that was the clerb of Poughkeepsie that did a re-brand halfway through my collegiate career. They redecorated and changed their name to Union(?) but I’ll always have fond memories of going to that grim place every “Hatturday” for the first month of college before I learned I’d rather be at a house party gabbin than mmst mmst’ing in a sweaty crowded dance floor. Also, one time I was dancing with a guy and he thrusted into my backside so hard that I fell over. We did not find love that night. He found a very dirty look from me and probably a new victim to dry penetrate.

7. Party Rock Anthem – LMFAO

There was a moment in time for two white goons wearing zubaz and neon prescriptionless glasses to become famous and it was the 2010’s. Neon parties and house music was the SHIZ, so these idiots really struck Gold with their party anthems like this one LITERALLY called a party anthem. And it was, baby. It was. Do I sound like a grandma in her rocking chair talking about the good ole days? Because that’s basically what I’ve come to. The last time I went out was Labor Day Weekend and I took a fireball shot with some 80 year olds, lasted about an hour at the bar and promptly puked in my kitchen sink upon my arrival home. Even my dog who watched and judged was like wow bitch, you’re so old I bet everyday you were shufflin in college. YOU KNOW IT, GURL. I also probably screamed SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS when the fireball was presented to me. LMFAO was full of binge drinking bops and we loved those curly-headed fucks for that.

8. Levels – Avicii

It was during my junior and senior years of college, that blackout parties really blew up. Done on a smaller scale by most frats before making it mainstream and Barstool Sports monetizing it with the Barstool Blackout Tour, this was where coeds wore neon, got super wasted, maybe took hallucinogens, and writhed on each other in a pitch black venue with strobe lights to house music. In some circumstances, foam was also added. I made sure to never be present for a foam party because that’s absolutely disgusting to have dirty bubbles shot at you and go into your orifices in a public arena. A regular blackout tho? Sure, why not. Mostly because I was a Barstool fan from the creation of the blog and would give them money anytime they had an idea. I detailed it in my Thirty, Flirty, & Full of Anxiety blog, but I took the assignment quite literally for my first Barstool Blackout and BLACKED out. I may not remember most of the night, but I do remember hearing this chick rippin, “OOoooOOOHHHhHHH sometimes…” in a sea of glow in the dark drunks. Everyone loved this song, it stood the test of time, but I didn’t know a damn thing about the guy behind it until I watched his doc. I know I previously yapped about it in my Winter Watch List but Avicii was a friggin musical genius. Gone way too soon, but his legacy lives on in this GOAT beat.

9. Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It) – Beyonce

I’m fudging the rules a little because technically this song hit our ears in October of 2008, but it also wouldn’t be a true snapshot of my college experience to not include it. That’s because for my very first Halloweekend (where you must have multiple costumes for multiple Halloween parties), my main event of a costume was Beyonce in the Single Ladies music video. Only an 18 year old with a body in peak physical condish could be so bold as to wear just a leotard out to the bar. Shocking to no one, I’ve always had a bloated belly full of farts so I still had to suck in for photos, but proud to say I nailed this lewk and got to wave my ring finger around and do the Single Ladies dance all night long. This song and that video were a cultural moment, and thankfully I looked better in a black uni and heels than JT and Andy Samberg did.

Here’s some other Halloweekend captures (bonus points for me repurposing that leotard 3 years later):

10. Thrift Shop – Macklemore & Ryan Lewis (feat. Wanz)

What a time to be alive for this song’s debut. Still hands down one of the weirdest topics for a song but oOoOh baby that sax HIT. Gotta be honest, did not and will never think thrift shops are kewl. Every time I step into a thrift store (be it Goodwill or one of those “we want to look better than Goodwill so we only take certain brands” secondhand stores) my nose is immediately accosted with the sent of other people’s body odor and musty pre-worn clothing stank. I don’t understand how one can comfortably buy something in that environment, let alone pay more than $20 for someone’s throwaways that smell like R. Kelly’s sheets. PISS. Anyway, a moment of silence for Ryan Lewis. He’s not dead, but let’s honor him for making a career out of getting credit for music / being onstage at awards shows for a solid 5-7 years with no one actually knowing what it is that he did.

11. Bad Romance – Lady Gaga

Gaga was on the rise in my college years and what a time it was to see her meat dresses and weird music videos and borderline scary performances. Since no one turns mouth noises into a chorus quite like our homegirl Stefani Germanotta, out of all the bangers that she released in this 4 year window, I had to go with RA-RA AH AH AH, ROMA, ROMA-MA for the feature on this prestigious playlist. Don’t have to feel self-conscious about singing with your pals in the car on the way to the mall to buy a new $8 spandex skirt from Forever21 when it’s just a bunch of gutteral gibberish. And since our girl paved the way for fashion risks, I’ll let you know that if you scroll all the way to the bottom of this blog, I’ll let you laugh at all the things that were “fashionable” from 2009-2013. Laugh it up now because in 5 years all the girlies at college will be wearing the same stuff because IT ALL COMES BACK AROUND, YO! Even filets. Just kidding. I can’t afford to buy a sirloin to grill for myself for dinner, let alone adorn my body in them. But the blazers and the corset tops are back…so it’s only a matter of time until you see that bandage skirt come ROARIN back too. CAUSE I’M A FREE BITCH, BABY! (That teal Coach wristlet that had a chokehold on me, on the other hand, will never come back.)

12. I Love College – Asher Roth

This song slows the momentum of this playlist WAY down, but I would be remiss to have a playlist about my college days and not feature a song called I Love College. I mean, I’m not an idiot, yanno? This is the ONLY Asher Roth song I know, but I must point out that he was the beginning of QUITE an epidemic. And that epidemic was white preppy boys who rap from their college dorms about drinking, smoking weed, and bangin chicks. Which realistically for the male species, sums up the college experience. So it really sparked joy for that era. This song is basically just a day in the life of a college student. It perfectly captured the culture that we quite literally take out loans to experience. (Fun fact about me, I didn’t know that loans were taken out on my behalf for my small private liberal arts school, so when I had an exit interview senior year where the financial aid staff member handed over a piece of paper with the sum of money that I was responsible for paying back, I was quite literally floored. Welcome to the real world, indeed. THANKS FOR NOT BUYING COLLEGE FOR ME OUTRIGHT, DAD.) Anyway, back to dollar slices of pizza…I’d give my left tit to go back to college discount pricing. I paid $1 for cabs, pizza, beers, and tanning. YES THAT’S RIGHT. TO BAKE MY SKIN OFF IN A BED IT WAS ONE DOLL HAIR. God I miss the dollar tree life I led for four years. Wouldn’t go back to a time when Four Loko was legal though (the real shit, not the watered down version available now.) Honorable mentions of white boyz who didn’t make the cut for this playlist because one was enough: Sammy Adams, Hoodie Allen & Mike Posner. Love you white frat boy rappers. Miss ya lots. NOW CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG.

13. Tonight (I’m Fuckin’ You) – Enrique Iglesias, Ludacris, DJ Frank E

Since the last song was a little snoozier, popping this one in to shock you back into party mode. There should be a case study done on the transition that Enrique made from the swoony heartthrob who whispered, “let me be your hero” when I was in middle school, to the guy who says tonight I’m FUCKIN’ you to a club beat in my college years. Enrique came back HAWT in the 2010’s with songs about cheating and one night stands. I particularly love the artistry behind the song title here. Does putting “I’m Fuckin’ You” in parentheses mean that it’s an afterthought? Will he definitely be fuckin’ me tonight? Or only if we’re both drunk? LMK. PS making a radio version that changed it to “I’m Lovin’ You” did NOT maintain the same BDE that Enrique was clearly going for here. GOTTA listen to the uncensored, ALWAYS.

14. We Are Young – fun.

Every era of everyone’s lives deserves an anthem emphasizing just how young and fun they are. My Saratoga Nights era had “we ain’t ever getting older” and my college era had this epic singalong. It came out at the PERFECT time for me. Twas second semester of senior year, I was just starting to face the reality of getting a job after college and where I was going to live and if I could even afford to get my own apartment, which are all stressful things that (spoiler alert) I still deal with. And then this funky tune comes out that doesn’t sound like all the other songs and gives us the perfect reminder that just for right now, we’re still in a fake life bubble of no responsibilities and making memories with our friends. I can clearly remember scream singing TONIGHT WE ARE YOUNG at Darby’s. And guess what? It WAS true. I was young that night. I’m not anymore. Excuse me while I go sob over my tax return.

15. Call Me Maybe – Carly Rae Jepsen

There are ‘had to be there’ moments and being in the right age range for this song was one of them. CRJ was a nobody until Bieber, Selena, Ashley Tisdale & friends made a home photobooth-esque YouTube video singing and dancing to this song and it BLEW up.

This is basically the last time you’ve seen a song so organically pop in a wholesome way and OH IT POPPED. It was on repeat for the last two months of my junior year and most of that summer. And ya know what? Can’t deny that it still slaps just as hard to this day. It’s so stupid, yet so adorbs. I have a crush, I like you, I’m gonna give you my number, Call me, MAYBE?! Ugh. I die for the nostalgia this song brings. Below is a real text I received on March 9, 2012 from my friend and not only does it solidify Call Me Maybe becoming a whole personality, but it also makes me want to ditch all of these terrible ios updates that just make us sound dumber in our texts and go back to the AIM style fonts and bubbles we started with. This was my very first iPhone and I miss that brick with a home button every damn day.

and anotha one

16. Forever – Drake, Kanye West, Lil Wayne & Eminem

RARE occurrence and really on this playlist to hold in our hearts and memories forever that every rap giant of this time hopped on a track together. And they all KILLED it in their verses. This was before one was accused of being a pedo, one went full Nazi bipolar, one became a grandpa, and honestly I don’t think anything has changed about Weezy F Baby. He’s still out here doing the same shit, diff decade. Naming your fave verse in this song will tell me more about your personality than a Cosmo quiz. I obviously have a favorite line from each section but for me, nothing tops literally screaming “but what should I scream for? This is my theme park!” Thank you for your service, gentlemen and showing us that even though the rappers of the 90’s couldn’t stop shooting each other, we had evolved in the early aughts to all share a track and manage to sound completely different and incorporate all styles in one. And since then we’ve never been able to replicate that magic.

17. Counting Stars – OneRepublic

Was this song the most popular or memorable song of college, let alone that year? Absotutely not. BUT it marks a memory for me. In the spring semester of my senior year, I did a tryout for the real world with an internship at The Rachael Ray show. I took the 2 hour train ride from Po-town to Penn Station 2x a week and spent those days sneaking bagels from crafty, sitting in a jail cell sized “office” with 1 computer and 7 other interns, and returning piles of clothes with cut-up receipts. I used HopStop to know which subways to take, ran up and down the stairs 9 zillion times because it was faster than taking the ‘vator, and for one VERY exciting day when I got my parents ticcies to the show, I got to be the tea-tern, walking out onto set to deliver a 9000 degree cup of tea to RR herself. It was thrilling and also humbling to be an intern on a daytime talk show. As you might have already assumed, they did not choose to offer me a job after my internship came to a close and I did not go on to have a blossoming career in TV production.

In another exciting day in the life, I got to sit 5 inches away from Ryan Tedder as they performed this song. I’ve always loved OneRepublic and Ryan Tedder is a total babe soda so I was GASSED to be doing this. So gassed that I emailed EVERYONE I’d ever met telling them to tape or watch the episode to catch a glimpse of the back of my head (fake flower prominently clipped in my hair) as I bopped along to this performance. I’m not saying I’m famous from that chair grooving, but I’m not NOT saying it either. At my very first “industry” job at a local news station in Albany, I caught a re-run of this episode and had to grasp just how far I’d fallen. From RR to news channel 10 *temp* receptionist behind bulletproof glass. Put THAT in the alumni pamphlet.

PS if you ever see a morning segment where they show off new trends…think of the unpaid intern who has to schlep 8 bags of clothes back to the JCPenney in Union Square and get the stink eye from an underpaid cashier whose on her last straw. Real life evidence below:

18. Party in the U.S.A – Miley Cyrus

I try my best not to cross-pollinate my playlists with the same songs, but I also am realistic enough to know that no one else listens to these playlists or reads these blogs so who even cares that my bangerz-only “Quaran-tunez Dance Party” also featured this bop. It pains me to reveal this because this song turned out to be a generational hit, but I hated it at first. Couldn’t stand it. It became big my first month of college and for that first month and many after, a chick on my dorm floor blasted it on repeat at all hours of the day. It made me want to hurl myself out of the window and I lived on the 8th floor. I even took to Facebook status (it was cool at the time, don’t @ me) to air my grievances about hearing Party in the USA one more time. It was my first time sharing space with strangers and I didn’t acclimate well, sue me. Once I wasn’t being tortured with repeat play and had free will to choose the songs I wanted to listen to, this song became a clear party starter that now I’ll NEVER GET SICK OF. Don’t test that theory tho.

19. Ni**as in Paris – Kanye West & Jay-Z

I mean, maybe the most identifiable sample in the history of all songs. You hear this sound and it’s instant recognition. Can’t publicly say the title, but you CAN skate to one song, and one song only. Another collab reminiscent of the times when we were blissfully unaware of both the mental illness and the for SURE illegal and predatory activities going down with our favorite rappers. But while we had our blinders on, we were gifted with so many as the kids these days call vocal stims like: That shit cray, what’s gucci, ball so hard mf’ers wanna fine me, and for me personally, i’ll never pronounce the word mall the same ever again.

20. Dance (A$$) – Big Sean (feat. Nicki Minaj)

“Wobbeldy wobble” can apply to draggin a wagon AND having Bambi feet in platform stilettos. God Bless to my feet and my ankles for somehow managing to wear heels out every weekend. By senior year my dawgs were like THAT IS ENOUGH. I had a night where my legs literally gave out from under me and I started taking off my heels and going barefoot in the bar and that’s when I knew it was time to hang up my Steve Madden patent leather pumps. Shortly thereafter, I started wearing cowboy boots often. 2012/2013 was a HAWT time for “country girls.” (Coming back again, of course.) Remember the wedding aesthetic where the bridesmaids wore cowboy boots even in places where they don’t know what a farm is?! I’m so grateful for that trend to save my feet which never should’ve been shoved into grown-up heels, even now that I’m a grown-up. Also, if I were to pick a walk-up song for baseball, it’s this one because I don’t know if you know this, but I’ve got quite an A$$.

21. Clarity – Zedd & Foxes

Instead of talking about this song which is obviously another EDM BANGER, I’m going to tell a tall tale, which somewhat sparked this whole playlist and blog to begin with. As you might’ve heard me mention in passing, I’m still single in my mid-thirties. Due to that unfortunate fact, I’m inundated with the type of social media content that targets single women of a certain age. That’s how I found myself not once, but twice being served a photo of a man who apparently lives in NYC, owns a gym, and is being hawked as an eligible bachelor who would just like to find his Mrs. Right. I recognized this man because I have a photo with him circa February 2009. Let’s hop in our rocketship and zip right back to that time. It was the second semester of my freshman year of college, which makes me 18 years old. Like most girlies my age, my favorite TV station was MTV and I would rabidly consume every program they produced. From the TRL days of high school to the trailblazing early days of reality TV with The Real World, My Super Sweet Sixteen, The Challenge, Made, Teen Mom, Room Raiders, Next, Parental Control, Newlyweds, Laguna Beach, The Hills, Pimp My Ride, etc. I could literally go on forever. I watched it all. And like I previously mentioned, they were just hitting their stride with the debut of the Jersey Shore. For whatever reason, there was an MTV promoter who had some sort of deal with the local bar and would regularly have cast members do appearances on a random Tuesday night. I LIVED for this. I went to my first appearance right when I got to college and spent an entire evening talking to Bronne from The Real World Cancun. I remember him being super nice and very willing to take a hundred selfies on my pink digicam in my bubble hem dress.

The next semester, I just HAD to meet Kenny from The Challenge. I’m fuzzy on the deets of the circumstances, but somehow, some way, me and several other girls from the 8th floor of Champ dorm ended up getting an invite to his hotel room. I have to imagine we went to the appearance and he asked us out the following night or maybe this was after-party? All I know is that I had absolutely no business taking a $1 cab to whatever cheap hotel in downtown Poughkeepsie and going into the bedroom of a complete stranger. I was HIGH on the VIP moment and really just wanted to know BTS tidbits about one of my favorite shows. I remember him flirting with one of my gal pals clearly looking to close the deal, and all I wanted was to get a picture with this man who at the time felt like a celebrity to me, and talk shop. I tried SEVERAL times. Probably too many times. He was LESS than interested in talking to the reality TV nerd in an oversized business blazer and getting him to pose for a photo was like pulling teeth. I remember finally grabbing two friends and being like we need to bounce, this guy is a dick. I also distinctly remember questioning why an old guy was hanging out with a bunch of teenager like a perv. Well folks, I’m a grown up now and as I see this man all over my algo looking for a wifey, I’m hit with the cold hard truth that he is only 6 years older than me. In college, that’s creep status. In adulthood, that’s marriage material. I remember telling my ex-boyfriend this story like wow I did some shady shit in college I’m surprised I didn’t get drugged and raped in that hotel room. And after hearing about how obsessed I was with discussing this garbage reality tv show and cockblocking him from the girl he actually wanted to score, my ex-boyf assured me I was never in danger of being raped. If anything, this dude breathed a sigh of relief when I huffed out of his hotel room. THAT’S clarity. (See how I managed to bring it back to the song?! MAD SKILLZ, YO.)

PS Can confirm after seeing Kenny at an event last weekend that he IS still attractive and he still does NOT want to speak to me.

PPS He got a lifetime ban from The Challenge soon after this hotel party sesh for SA’ing another cast member. People don’t forget.

PPPS I never stopped fangirling over reality “stars” cause here’s me and Snooki’s BFF Ryder my senior year and post-college I took a photo with Audrina. RIP MTV, Gone2Soon.

22. 22 – Taylor Swift

Obviously I had to make a 22-song playlist to end on “22,” because OCD. I don’t mean to brag, but every time a girliepop turns 22 and uses this song or the lyrics to celebrate that milestone, I think about the fact that my graduating year was the OG 22 crew. This song was released the year we all turned 22 and there’s nothing more iconic than being able to say Taylor Swift wrote a song about your exact age in the exact moment you’re turning that age. Happy, free, confused, lonely? YUP. All of the above, babe! Minus the cat ears, Tay nailed what it feels like to be 22. And sure, that’s what makes the song stand the test of time, but Taylor and I both know, she wrote this song for the girls that turned 22 in 2012 and 2013. *Our little secret.*

Congrats on making it through another 18 trillion word blog and 1.5 hour playlist (if you did.) If you just scrolled through, it still counts as a click, so it’s all Gucci. As a reward, here’s a BUNCH of pics of me with my bra visibly showing, my tongue forever out (Miley made it cool during her wrecking ball phase), my arms gangling, and taking a knee and CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUGGGING everywhere I went.

If I may, a moment of recognition for the Shotski, gifted to me on my 21st birthday by my brother-in-law who handmade it. It was EASILY my most prized possession. So much so, that I hung it on the wall as soon as I got back to school. My RA immediately told me to take it down because it promoted binge drinking, but it was a friend maker and a party starter all in one and I loved it so. One of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received.

Ok now here’s all the reasons my professors told me I’d never get a job. And yes, I cropped everyone else out of the photos. Not trying to embarrass anyone but myself here.

The first year of Instagram in 12 posts: