Here’s the deal, People. I get it that your Sexiest Man Alive award is coveted every year and the announcement is a big to do…but I call bullshit on it. That’s right, you heard me, I’m calling bullshit on the Sexiest Man Alive. The bitterness of that statement is mostly on principle alone that not once has People acknowledged the ACTUAL sexiest man alive, Ryan Gosling. Yeah that’s right…this may have been an argument years ago but it wasn’t over. AND IT STILL ISN’T OVER. They ignored the whispers when he became everyone’s dream man in The Notebook, they drowned out the white noise when he sparked the creation of the “Hey Girl” memes, and finally when he flawlessly hoisted Emma Stone into the dirty dancing lift in Crazy Stupid Love, shirtless, People put their blinders up. Yeah, he’s totally not Sexiest Man Alive material.

I was willing to let it slide because they have featured some pretty boys (I mean Ryan Reynolds is a close second to RyGos, plus he happened to marry my number one girl crush so there’s that…) but this year’s crowning has got me all in a tizzie again. I can’t be the only one who realized that they chose the less hot brother in a family of attractive brothers, right? Like I may be ranting about it but we were all thinking it…Liam is way hotter. Yeah, he might’ve had a lapse of judgement when he dated and then PROPOSED to Miley Cyrus but it’s obvious that she was wearing her Hannah Montana wig for the few years that they were together, and then once she abruptly took it off and became tongue out, bleached buzz cut, twerking Miley, he was like SHIT time to cut my losses and run. So we can all forgive him for that. My forgiveness ends there. It’s not like Chris Hemsworth is more famous than Liam…they both are leading men in huge movie franchises currently…they’re both buff with Australian accents, one just happens to be married with kids, how wholesome of People to choose that one.

There’s also already been backlash that this was the year of Chris Pratt and he was robbed of the title. Although I’m not as voracious in fighting for Chris as I am for Ryan, I can’t disagree. Chris is the all around guy-next-door media dream. He cracks jokes, he posts gym selfies, he’s married to straight up goon Anna Faris and if you watched that video of him french braiding an intern’s hair while doing an interview I think you know why he deserved it. What a guy. Does Chris Hemsworth know how to braid hair? I rest my case.

Unrelated observation: I don’t see Leonardo DiCaprio on this list….he just turned 40 and he’s still a smoke…what a slap in the face. He gets Oscar snuffs left and right and you can’t even hand him a cover for being downright sexy? Brad Pitt was crowned twice, George Clooney twice, even JOHNNY DEPP got a twofer. That’s suuuuuper embarrassing. Time to clean house, People…if you’re looking for someone to come on board and have strong opinions about today’s hot famous men, I think I know of someone who’s looking for employment…call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me. (When ya wanna page me…it’s ok.)

1985 Mel Gibson 29

1986 Mark Harmon 34

1987 Harry Hamlin 35

1988 John F. Kennedy, Jr. 27

1989 Sean Connery 59

1990 Tom Cruise 28

1991 Patrick Swayze 38

1992 Nick Nolte 51

1993 Richard Gere (1) 44

1995 Brad Pitt (1) 31

1996 Denzel Washington 41

1997 George Clooney (1) 36

1998 Harrison Ford 56

1999 Richard Gere (2) 50

2000 Brad Pitt (2) 36

2001 Pierce Brosnan 48

2002 Ben Affleck 30

2003 Johnny Depp (1) 40

2004 Jude Law 31

2005 Matthew McConaughey36

2006 George Clooney (2) 45

2007 Matt Damon 37

2008 Hugh Jackman 40

2009 Johnny Depp (2) 46

2010 Ryan Reynolds 34

2011 Bradley Cooper 36

2012 Channing Tatum 32

2013 Adam Levine 34

2014 Chris Hemsworth 31

 

(Via Wikipedia…the bible of the internet)