JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 7/27/2020

1. A LEGEND HAS DIED.

Regis

We lost our beloved REGE this week. On Saturday to be specific, of course when I was in the countryside with no service. I got scooped on it and was BESIDE myself when I went to read the deets for myself and found that my internet ceased to exist. Obviously Regis was old and it shouldn’t be a shock that he passed but I did not take the news lightly. In fact, I took it so personally that I knew I wasn’t in the right headspace to see Kathie Lee’s tribute to him on the same day that I found out about his death. I needed a few days to accept and come to terms with it before I could dive into what she had to say. I literally brought up his death in therapy this week, so obviously I’m doin real well. But first, my own personal anecdote. I worked on The Rachael Ray Show as an intern senior year of college, I’m sure I’ve referenced it before as it’s probably the closest I’ve ever been to Hollywood. Rege was a regular because he’s TV royalty and why wouldn’t you have him as a guest?! Anytime the Reg-ster was there, you knew it. As he walked out onto set, he made eye contact with and greeted everyone. There’s a lot of times that you talk about celebrities being dicks in real life and Regis was the exact opposite. That zing that he brought to your TV screen? That’s legit just how he is. He’d walk through with a huge smile on his face, cracking jokes and tossing out finger guns. He was a walking party and I wanted him to be my grandpa. A LEGEND. There’s too many dirt bag celebs (cough cough Ellen, more on that later) so it’s always heartwarming to know someone who was truly just a good human with a warm personality and just happened to be famous on the side. Anyway, onto Kathie Lee’s tribute, which I can finally handle now.

She also spoke on the Today Show about how she visited with Regis a month or two ago and they laughed just like they always do when they get together and had a ball and that was the last time she saw him. And she noticed that he was failing in health and it might be the end. And Rege’s wife Joy shared with KL that she hadn’t seen him laugh like that in months. REGIS AND KATHIE LEE FOREVA. THEY ARE THE CUTEST. And not to bring down this lovely tribute to Reger’s with negativity but let’s just be clear that Kelly ain’t shit. Regis MADE Kelly and I *FEEL* like she wasn’t at all grateful and just saw him as a dinosaur. Their chemistry wasn’t even CLOSE to him and KL and all around Kelly comes off as a real twatmonster. I mean look at her “tribute.” A cold, written statement–nothing personal about it. Get the hell out of here, Kelly.

Hey Kelly, check out Gelman’s tribute HERE if you want to see what real human emotions look like.

2. Pray for Reese.

nicole-reese

Emmy nomzzzz have been released and Reese Witherspoon got DUMPED on. That’s my biggest takeaway. Not that we’re announcing nominations when we don’t even know if the awards show will happen unless it’s Zoom-style. They’ll figure it out. What they won’t figure out is how they could spit in the face of Hollywood’s sweetheart. Reese has been CHURNING out female-empowering content through her production company and acted in THREE shows this past year. THREE. And everyone else got noms in those shows but her. I can only personally vouch for Little Fires Everywhere because I refuse to pay for another platform just to watch The Morning Show–but she CRUSHED playing an unlikable 90’s mom bitch in that. Like I hated her. And it must take superb acting to hate a sweetie like Reese. In fact, after seeing Kerry nominated for Little Fires, and Jen nominated for the Morning Show and Meryl AND Laura Dern for Big Little Lies…all Reese had to say was this:

What a class act, honestly. Also not all bad because her production company created every single one of these shows so she’ll still cash out on a W. But still doesn’t hurt to be recognized for her onscreen efforts. For what it’s worth, I’d nominate you, REESE!!!! Kerry Washington’s flared nostrils ain’t got shit on your skillzzzzzz. CLICK HERE to see the full list of noms including a shout to Love is Blind (the cringiest low budget reality show that hit right when quarantine started, rocketing it to fame) and a nomination for Brad Pitt guest starring on SNL. THAT’S a stretch. When are we going to stop being so obsessed with the Pitzer? And let’s hope and pray that we can somehow rig a real life awards show not via video conference because Mama needs a red carpet. She’s jonesin for some judging.

3. J Baby Hath Arrived.

joe-jonas-sophie-turner

Honestly I feel like it was just yesterday that I was announcing her pregnancy and fearing that if I was wrong I’d have to get face ink. But it has been reported that the baby is HERE and it’s a girl named Willa Jonas. And I APPROVE! What a great, normal name! Willa J in da HOUSE! It has also been reported via the latest Taylor Swift album lyric: “Cold was the steel of my axe to grind for the boys who broke my heart / Now I send their babies presents” that she sent them a gift. There’s no actual evidence of this, other than people over-reading into her lyrics so I guess Willa is the youngest owner of a Taylor Swift custom cardigan and seriously WTF. I’m still seething over the fact that I didn’t get one. Another thing that I brought up in therapy, so if this baby got one I might just spiral.

4. Ellen Sucks.

ellen

Remember how I bragged about my unpaid internship for the Rachael Ray show? While it’s when I was there back in 2013 that I learned how much of a DICK Ellen is to work for. Hollywood’s a gossipy place and it didn’t take long for a fellow intern to reveal she had also interned for Ellen and it was a real nightmare. I’ve kept that in the back of my mind as she continued her run as the #1 daytime show and danced her fake ass out onstage every day. My mom used to dance along with her and then you know what? The schtick got old. Also, it was becoming more clear that she was over this TV show and was putting in a real half-assed effort. So I’ve been quietly boycotting her for years. Then quarantine hit and apparently Ellen’s time to shine was COMING TO AN ABRUPT END. There was a Twitter thread asking people to share all of their terrible Ellen stories and it went viral. People talking about weird shit she did like making them chew gum outside of her office before coming in because she has a sensitive nose or telling them not to talk to her at all. Here’s a few of those nuggets:

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Then it became clear that she wasn’t paying her crew during quarantine but was continuing to make her show and different bits from home. Any host who can afford to pay everyone’s salaries for months without it even affecting their bank account and chooses NOT to is a real douche sandwich. Then it got quiet again and it was clear that Ellen’s power and fame were going to drown out the years-long complaints of mistreatment. UH UH HONAY. The WB launched an investigation this week and FINALLY we get some sort of acknowledgement from Ellen and it’s HILARIOUS. She sent an internal letter to staff playing dumb. Here’s the gist–full letter can be found HERE:

“Hey everybody – it’s Ellen. On day one of our show, I told everyone in our first meeting that The Ellen DeGeneres Show would be a place of happiness – no one would ever raise their voice, and everyone would be treated with respect. Obviously, something changed, and I am disappointed to learn that this has not been the case. And for that, I am sorry. Anyone who knows me knows it’s the opposite of what I believe and what I hoped for our show. I could not have the success I’ve had without all of your contributions. My name is on the show and everything we do and I take responsibility for that. Alongside Warner Bros, we immediately began an internal investigation and we are taking steps, together, to correct the issues. As we’ve grown exponentially, I’ve not been able to stay on top of everything and relied on others to do their jobs as they knew I’d want them done. Clearly some didn’t. That will now change and I’m committed to ensuring this does not happen again.”

“I’m also learning that people who work with me and for me are speaking on my behalf and misrepresenting who I am and that has to stop. As someone who was judged and nearly lost everything for just being who I am, I truly understand and have deep compassion for those being looked at differently, or treated unfairly, not equal, or – worse – disregarded. To think that any one of you felt that way is awful to me. It’s been way too long, but we’re finally having conversations about fairness and justice.”

So are you committed to stop being a total a-hole to the people who work for you orrrrrr? What a classic bitch move to just not at all acknowledge the horrific rep you have and real stories that have come out and just dance your way out of the conflict by saying you had no clue this was going on and your show is all about happiness. And then to point fingers and say they’re misrepresenting her. I hope everyone teams up to DRAAAAG her. It’s the era of Cancel Culture. ADD ELLEN TO THE LIST, YO. Even Brad Garrett spoke out, which I hope means other celebs will too. YAAAAS. Smell ya later, Ellen!

5. The Kissing Booth 3.

flynn

This news will play to a very small audience, but after saddling up to the TV on Friday night for the Kissing Booth 2 premiere with my sister and our equally as teen flick obsessed bestie on Facetime, we snacked, drank wine & drooled over Noah. We also cringed our life away because this flick is not for the faint of heart when it comes to cheesy teen storylines. Their new hottie with a body character designed to swoop in and break up Elle and Flynn was so obsessed with his guitar that at one point they’re sitting on the beach having a serious chat and suddenly his guitar just emerges from the sand so he can end the convo with a serenade. There were several hysterics from us at that moment and the hits just kept on coming with him, including very shiny matching silver lamé with Sketchers shape-ups outfits for a dance competition. Ugh. But I got carried away there as I tend to do. They left the second movie on a cliffhanger, Netflix’s favorite way of telling you that this will be a never-ending series beaten into the ground. And then the stars were like PSYCHE! we already filmed the third and it’ll be out in 2021. So no panicking here about a long wait post COVID times for a new movie, as it’s already been completed. What a trick. Here’s a sexy sneak preview to get you all riled up for more Elle and Flynn:

And then to bring you right back down, here’s some INCREDIBLY awkward moments to prove that not only can Jacob Elordi and Joey King not even do press together (that’s how bad their breakup was) but it seems like Jacob pretty much hates the entire cast and has no interest in being a part of this trilogy. Also, not for nothing, he has a real life mullet and looks like garbo lately. Either way, I can only imagine how awks filming two movies in a row were for these two considering they refuse to even be interviewed together. WOooOof. Get all the uncomfies here:

Start at 6:15 for the cold AF promotion of the movie and transition back to the entire cast getting along and promoting it together:

Special thank you to my assistant Nikki, who spent an undisclosed amount of time watching Youtube clips after the premiere on Saturday to try and sniff out every unbearable interaction between these two former lovers and learn why they broke up. Unfortunately since they avoid talking about each other, this may be a secret that we never learn…but we’ll never stop sleuthing.

BONUS: FOR THE LAAAADIEEEEZZZZ

Here’s a glance at a hot bod getting hosed down. WET MUSCLES, MMMMMMM. K have a great weekend.

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JUice

Weekly JUice

Week of 7/6/2020

1. Naya Rivera Missing.

naya

This is not the kind of news I like to report, I like to keep it light and fluffy for the most part but this is a huge headline that hit yesterday, and one that I was regretfully scooped on nonetheless. Naya Rivera rented a boat on a lake in California with her 4 year old son, when the boat was due back and they still hadn’t returned, the boating company went out looking for her. They found the boat with her 4 year old in a life jacket sleeping on board and did not find Naya. They’ve been searching the water, believing she has drowned and the most recent update is that they’re presuming she’s dead even though they’ll continue to search for her body. Apparently lake conditions are currently difficult for finding bodies, according to the police leading the investigation. They’ve basically been searching “by touch” because visibility is so low, which is a terrifying thing to picture doing. There’s a WHOLE bunch of things that are weird about this situation and let me be the asshole who points them out–maybe I watch too much crime shows and think I’m an expert, or maybe I’m actually onto something here but there are many fishy things about this accident. First of all, it strikes me as odd to go out on a pontoon boat (usually reserved for larger groups of people, known as a party boat) with just yourself and your toddler son. I’m obviously not a mom, so I can’t begin to judge her motherly decisions but I do know that I would never trust myself to adequately watch a small child while also driving a large ass boat on a lake. Seems like a second set of eyes on the kid would’ve made more sense. This is also coming from someone who won’t swim with her 3-year-old niece alone because I’m terrified of her drowning and she runs around the pool like a madwoman. Jus sayin. Secondly, Naya is not without controversy. She made headlines a few years ago with calling off a divorce to her husband and then having a domestic dispute reported where she hit him. Then they got divorced for realz. So their relationship was not without v. public issues. Again, this could be because I’m in the midst of season 2 of Dirty John, but something is odd there. Thirdly, she posted this a week ago:

I get that it’s common, especially right now for people to declare tomorrow is not promised but also THIS IS A LITTLE TOO EERIE. I very much hope that they find her safe and sound, although that doesn’t look to be the case right now. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see as more details are revealed.

2. We Finally Have a Trailer.

The minute this trailer dropped, my sister sent me the link and by the time I had watched it, she’d already viewed it twice. In fact, she watched it so many times that first day, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if she’s on some sort of Youtube red alert watch list for that questionable activity. But ya gurl is just excited that we finally have a teaser–it’s about damn time. They announced a sequel almost as soon as the first one premiered two years ago (click HERE to remember how much I drooled over it), and then we all had to watch as the two leads very OBVIOUSLY broke up in real life, and you know what happens when showmances end in the real world…they most certainly end on film as well as the actors no longer want to smooch each other. I’m less enthralled with this trailer than my twin. I’m not a huge fan of making a sequel of perfection to begin with, and I knew where it was heading. Your boyfriend who tried to hide dating you for most of his senior year doesn’t just go off to college across the country without any conflict. OBVIOUSLY they set up a real rocky road for this follow-up and I don’t love that. Then on top of the fact that people in college rarely continue to date their high school sig other, they add in a new hottie high schooler with a gleaming six pack to tempt Elle. COME ON. Like seriously, who has a six pack in high school? Get the hell out of here. No one should be called a SNACK in high school. However, there is some tiny sliver of hope that these two crazy kids make it work after all and I will hang onto that real hard. You bet your ass I’m going to find out on July 24th and report back.

3. Matching Nudes.

Unless you’re living under a rock, you know that the Bella Twins are both pregnant and will probably give birth on the exact same day cause TWINNIESSSSSS. This week they did a pregnancy photoshoot together (and with Artem?) and spammed everyone’s insta with a bunch of nudes. I would be offended except that they were flawless of course. Check them out here and try to imagine how awkward it must be to be nekkid with your sister and then her boyfriend shows up and pops his top off to get in on the action. WHERE WAS BRYAN?!

Also, while we’re yapping about the Bella Twins, can we rap about how weird it was that their mom just casually had brain surgery last week? On the season finale of their show, their mom shows up for a shopping day and her entire left side of her face is drooping down to her ankles. It was v difficult to watch and I remember saying to my friend why would she allow them to film this? She claimed she woke up with bells palsy and seemed VERY casual about something that caused half of her face to look like it was melting off. Well, apparently it was a brain tumor and she had brain surgery this week to remove it. There’s a reason this family has a reality show.

4. #FREEBRITNEY.

@britneyspears

HOLY HOLY CRAP 😍 !!! My florist surprised me today by making the flower arrangement all different colors 💐 … just had to SHARE 🌸⭐️ !!!!

♬ Blinding Lights – The Weeknd

I realize ever since I got my Brit Brit graphic tee, I’ve really amped up my news on her but as a proud owner of a shirt with her mug on it, I feel like it’s my social responsibility to report the latest. Brit posted the above TikTok and everyone immediately started razzing on it because it was just another weird video in her lineup of walking on and off camera and doing a twirl videos that she posts on the reg. She points out the flowers and then they are in the video for .2 seconds and she just keeps popping in and out with dead eyes. A ton of people duetted with her TikTok pretending to be the videographer for this masterpiece, and out of them all, this one was my fave:

THEN, CONSPIRACY hits the comment section. Britney superfans start telling everyone to knock it off and reveal that Britney is closing in on 40 and still under a conservatorship. Basically she has no freedom to do anything without permission and all of her money goes to her dad. People believe that her dad is keeping her on a dosage of meds to make her act like a loony toon (which she clearly seems unwell on her social media) so that he can continue to control her and all of her assets. And now we’re on a #SAVEBRITNEY campaign. Also, as fans began commenting and asking if this was a cry for help, one fan told her to wear yellow in her next video if she needs help and WHAT DO YOU KNOW, BRIT WORE YELLOW. And even pointed out “this is my new yellow shirt” and at one point said she reads all of the comments. SO SOMEONE GO GET BRITNEY SPEARS AND TELL HER TO COME LIVE WTIH ME AND MY PARENTS. They don’t feed me drugs and sometimes they take me out for ice cream. We can make TikTok’s together of sound minds and you can show me how to twirl with my hands in my pockets. FREE BRIT BRIT!!!! JUSTICE FOR BRIT!

5. RIP Charlie Daniels.

This is just an excuse to post this bangerang of a song. Rest in peace, Charlie. Thank you for creating this masterpiece and allowing me to butcher it one time with my friend at a karaoke bar after a few adult bevs. We definitely felt like we crushed it, I used a borderline offensive twang and also air-played the fiddle. I hope you can forgive me from beyond the grave. Love you so much.

BONUS: Here’s a happy video of Tom Hanks having the time of his life diving into the pool on his birthday. What a gemstone he is. Bring this joy into your weekend.

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This Greyhound is 64!! Hanx.

A post shared by Tom Hanks (@tomhanks) on

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